April 28th, 2011

The NO Campaign’s Secret Weapon

As polling day approaches, the No campaign have deployed their most devastating attack on AV yet.

Signed, sealed, delivered. 


  1. 1
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    No 2 AV

    • 14
      Amy Winehouse says:

      They tried to make me vote for AV, I said NO NO NO

    • 65
      Up sh1t creek says:

      What is AV?

      AV is _A_ two fingered up-yours _V_ sign from the politicians to the people. It’s a con.

    • 98
      Sir William Waad says:

      You’re a Birmingham City supporter, then?

    • 187
      Anonymous says:

      The teenage son of a former Tory MP died after eating opium which he had failed to smoke during a gap year trip to India, an inquest heard.
      12:55PM BST 28 Apr 2011
      Adam Coombs, 19, died in Manali, a Himalayan hill town about 300 miles north of the capital, New Delhi, after buying the drug from a local market stall, with his travelling companion, Ross Taylor, also 19.
      The teenagers had been pupils together at the £27,000-a-year Bryanston school, Dorset.

      • 203
        Blue Ted says:

        What the hell has that got to do with AV ?

        A couple of Tory rich kids buy Opium and one of them dies. Its very sad for their families but it has absolutely nothing to do with either the AV Campaign or that odious rodent Paddy Ashdown.

      • 228
        The Paragnostic says:

        You’d have thought that for 27 grand a year the idiots might have been taught that opium is poisonous if ingested in large quantities – perhaps they should have gone to Manchester Grammar instead, where we were force fed de Quincey in the 6th form!

    • 425
      Slaggy Sally says:

      What a slutty dress

  2. 2
    • 108
      The benefits of immigration says:

      Moss Side brawl: ‘Somali community tensions’ blamed

      A mass brawl which erupted in south Manchester was the result of a dispute between youths in the local Somali community, police have said.

      “The witness, who did not want to be named, said he had been trying to drive down the street when the fighting broke out.
      He estimated that there were between 200 and 300 people involved. Greater Manchester Police (GMP) estimated the number was nearer 50.”

      • 137
        The Paragnostic says:

        Obviously fuck all to do with dr*gs, them being good Somali Musselmen and all…

        Things were so much more stable when we just had the Yardies running things, like they did when I were at school…

      • 231
        Tell it like it really is. says:

        As stated last night – check out inspector gadget – how to pretend a riot isn’t a riot when our enrichments (95% unemployed (unemployable) are concerned.

        • 452
          101 Damnations says:

          Note that the ever impartial Beeb are blaming the rioting in Bristol last night on the presence of Tesco’s (nothing to do with turfing out squatters, oh no, not at all).


          • Fuck Tesco again says:

            Anything that damages Tesco gets my vote and support. They shit all over planning regulations. They start building their stores before the planning process has started. They put in plans for a single storey and build a double decker. They destroy small family food stores. They remove choice from local areas and damage the social fabric of inner-city areas. On top of all that, much of their produce is second-rate and tasteless – which is why they failed in California – and their stores are even more depressing than the opposition’s. On top of all THAT, their chief executives are lauded by the gullible, blinkered government. Fuck Tesco and all it stands for.

      • 576
        Mike (England) says:

        sounds rather like the “community dispute” that most certainly wasn’t a riot (according to the police) not too far from where we live.

        now, to me any running “dispute” that results in multiple stabbings and many injuries which required over 200 police in attendance and took two days to end could safely be called a riot but this it seems wasnt the case in fact it was so small and unimportant that it barely made the local newspapers, my guess is that it helped that it was pakistani muslims “disagreeing” with iraqi muslims.

  3. 3
    BillyBob... No benefits for immigrants, reform reform!! says:


    • 293
      A British democrat says:

      Vote No and get Tory and Labour governments forever more. Vote Yes if you’ve ever wanted to vote for a 3rd party, voted tactically or just want to make our voting system and this country better.

      Why are all of you guys who moan about Cameron promising a referendum on the EU Lisbon treaty but then backtracking, going along with this? Cameron just wants power and will say whatever’s necessary just to get you to vote for him. The FPTP system means he doesn’t have to care. He knows that most of you won’t waste your vote voting for UKIP.

      If you want a better system and the potential for real democracy in the future where everyone’s votes count, vote YES.

      • 306
        The Paragnostic says:

        Let’s face it – only full PR is really ‘fair’, and that might allow some nasty people to get seats like they did in the European Parliament last time.

        AV is unnecessarily complicated and prone to errors – any recounts will have to go through the whole process again, and several counts are far harder to audit than a single count (which both FPTP and PR have as a virtue).

        I don’t like any of the major parties, so am disenfranchised from the start, but prefer FPTP to AV any day of the week.

      • 391
        Rat's arse says:

        I’ll be voting NO, but thanks all the same. After all, it was AV that was responsible for the election of Ed Milliband as Leiber leader. Nuf said!

        • 546
          Anonymous says:

          Which shows that AV can change things. Obviously not what the traitor ruling class want.

      • 577
        Mike (England) says:

        i’ll be voting no because i want a conservative government (a real one) not a never ending stream of torn up manifestos with the limp-dems pulling the strings.

  4. 4
    MI7 says:

    Who gives a fuck about AV. It doesn’t matter who you vote for you got the bilderburg/illuminati pulling the strings

  5. 6
    misterned says:

    Oh dear… Was that an official video of the no campaign?

    Not helpful at all.

    I will still vote no, but not because of that patronising and frankly insulting video.

    • 29
      Mud glorious mud nothing quite like it etc etc says:

      I think it was suppopsed to be an amusing way to get a serious message across not patronising..in the tradition of those great British Comic Songsters Flanders & Swann

      • 142
        The Paragnostic says:

        Can we revive “The English are Best” for the benefit of the Jocks?

        • 171
          Sue aged 6 and 3/4 says:


        • 180
          The Paraquisling says:

          Where do the Welsh fit in Welshman

          • The Paragnostic says:

            Unlike you humourless porridge w*gs, most Welshmen take such jibes in good humour, knowing that we are the true Britons and the Saxon/Norman/Scotii invaders are just arriviste scum.

            Now piss off back to your spunk stained park bench and swallae the Bucky :-)

          • Anonymous says:

            |Fuck off taffy Hunt

      • 216
        Must get a pseudonym one day says:

        Michael Flanders may indeed have been a Great British Comic Songster, but his double-Ed-shagging daughter, Stephanie, has let him down badly.

        • 308
          The Paragnostic says:

          Double Ed shagging?

          Do tell – I thought she was happily unmarried and the mother of two lovely little bastards!

      • 309
        A British democrat says:

        But her point about some people voting twice is rubbish. Everyone votes the same amount of times – once per runoff round, and if your party isn’t the least popular that round you vote for it again in the next round.

        Let’s say you have an election between 4 candidates – Cameron, Clarke, Davis and Fox. In the first round the results are Davis 31.3%, Cameron 28.3%, Fox 21.2%, Clarke 19.2%. If this had been the only round of voting Mr Davis would win with a very unsatisfactory less than third of the vote. Fortunately in this example we have a fairer system. In the second round Clarke is eliminated and you get to choose between Davis, Cameron and Fox. The results are Cameron 45.5%, Davis 28.8% Fox 25.7%. Fox is then eliminated and in the final round Cameron gets 67.6% and Davis gets 32.4%. Everyone has had the same amount of votes, and the result is that rather than have Mr Davis winning with less than a third of the backing of the electorate, My Cameron has won with over two thirds of the electorate.

        People who compare this to a race have not understood the point. We are trying to find the candidate who best represents the largest number of constituents. AV is better than FPTP.

        • 353
          The Paragnostic says:

          In the case you cite, FPTP would indeed have returned the correct result, and we might mot now need a coalition and this stupid referendum as a sop to the sandalistas.

          Unfortunately, we ended up with Wavy Davy and look where that’s got us.

        • 387
          British Bulldog says:

          Sorry can’t agree AV is better than FPTP. In a general election the electorate’s views cover a much wider range than voters in a Tory or Labour party leadership, (who have all at least agreed to join their party to be able to vote). In a General Election someone could support a whole range of minority parties that are not mutually exclusive to support, and who have no hope of forming a government. AV is unfair as their vote changes and is counted several times, is given undue weight over those of people who support mainstream candidates. In a General Election most people voting think about which party they want in government as well as who they want as their local MP. FPTP therefore improves subsequent accountability, as Nick Clegg has found out. FPTP is WYSIWYG, or it would be if constituencies were all of equal size (not cured by AV). Why under AV should the voters who support the saddest loser be the ones who decide what happens next? The AV method on offer is rubbish. Bin it, vote NO!

          • ScepteredIsle says:


            1 person 1 vote.

    • 42
      Sres says:

      Calm down dear

  6. 7
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Intresting, We dont have the freedom of speech and expression and view. and what about the loonies that vote Labour? There 2nd votes will help the B8P and the greens but on the right the tories will vote tories and ukip.

    And if AV is passed people who support Fptp on princable will only cast one vote/choice.

    • 34
      TJB says:

      I imagine that there are a great many people that will only put one choice on the ballot paper even if the unthinkable should happen and AV become the voting system.
      Ranking the rest of the candidates in order of “what sticks in the craw” cannot be anyone’s idea of a good thing.
      The proposed system is a shockingly bad idea, the most worthless votes of the least worthwhile candidates recycled again and again.

      • 579
        Anonymous says:

        The system is not worthwhile because people who are unrepresented get more represented? Why not go the whole hog and ban minority party supporters from voting? Would that be fairer then in your view?

  7. 8
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Clap, clap.


  8. 10
    APPLAUSE says:

    She’s got my vote!

  9. 11
    PK says:

    Richard Stilgoe eat your heart out.

  10. 13
    Rap is Crap says:

    Much better.

    The Conservatives get their message across with a little piano ditty, Labour and the unions unleash UKUC’unt and BlackBloq on the streets of London to smash up old buildings and piss up our war memorials.

    Makes you proud to be a tory and decent.

  11. 15
    Eddie Izzard says:

    Vote Yes. Because I said so.

    • 25
      Engineer says:

      Don’t you think you’re just skirting round the issue?

    • 44
      Jumps on any passing bandwagon says:

      That would be the same Eddie Izzard who “insisted Britain’s failure to join the euro will damage our economy while Europe thrives”?

      • 68
      • 89
        ampersfa says:

        He should stick to the Death Star canteen…

      • 109
        smoggie says:

        Since he stopped wearing makeup and high-heels, I can’t take the bloke seriously any more.

      • 118
        Ukip when you want to says:

        “The German government will raise its GDP growth projection for this year to 2.6% from the 2.3% forecast in January, the German daily Bild reported Thursday, citing no sources for its claim. For 2012, the government will leave its growth forecast unchanged at 1.8%, the paper wrote.”

        I see the bloody Germans are suffering in the Eurozone. Thank god, Gordon did the right thing – along with all the other wonderful financial decisions he made.

        No to the Euro. Yes to 0.5% GDP increases.

        • 123
          Reality Check says:

          Yeah, it’s working wonders for Italy, Spain, Portugal, Greece..

        • 148
          The Paragnostic says:

          No to a services based and financially unstable economy – yes to a manufacturing and export led economy, more like!

          It’s only Germany keeping the bloody Euro afloat at the moment (and our contributions to other countries’ rescue packages, so wisely signed up to by Salvador Mundi after he’d lost the election but before the coalition was formed).

          • Anonymous says:

            Fear not, ‘Cast Iron’ Dave is rebalancing the economy i.e. trying to repair the wrecked economy the bitch-cυnt Thatcher created. More than the traitor NuLab government ever did. But he doesn’t mean it.

        • 563
          misterned says:

          Goes to prove how badly out of sync the Eurozone is and that will put more pressure on the PIIGS countries and increases the chances of a partial Euro collapse.

          We were completely right to stay out of the Euro.

  12. 16
    Gordon Brown says:

    I look forward to making a speech at the wedding tomorrow. Those who allege I’ve not been invited are bigots.

    • 40
      annette curton says:

      You didn’t get an invite along with Blair because you both have a proven track record of pissing on everybody else’s parade, just stick to the World Economic Forum, yes Gordom I know it sounds important because its got the word WORLD in it, but the truth is nobody had ever heard of it before, the job is so important it comes with a 0% salary, lucky for you then that you can still continue unashamedly collecting £1,300+expenses a week from the taxpayer for that other ‘job’ you seem to have forgotten about.

      • 191
        Southern Softy says:

        Professor Klaus Schwab, founder and executive chairman of the World Economic Forum, said Mr Brown had “a wealth of knowledge and experience”.

        “As his recent book clearly demonstrates, he has valuable insights into the global agenda that will complement and inform many of the Forum’s initiatives,” said Prof Schwab. “His counsel will help ensure that the Forum remains rigorous and focused – true to its commitment to improve the state of the world.”

        Just what planet is the Professor from?

        Read more: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/latest/2011/04/22/world-economic-forum-role-for-brown-115875-23080237/#ixzz1KqOtoqz5
        Go Camping for 95p! Vouchers collectable in the Daily and Sunday Mirror until 11th August . Click here for more information

  13. 17
    misterned says:

    Well another two polls out show the No campaign are far ahead. That’s five polls in the last fortnight who have weighed the results on probability to vote and asked the actual question in the referendum and come out with results of approximately 16% points + leads.

    Watch the twitter feeds explode with childish invective and loathing.

  14. 19
    Angela Eagle says:

    Here’s an incentive. Vote Yes to AV and if it wins, I’ll do a topless photoshoot.

  15. 21
    Engineer says:

    Let that be a warning. If you don’t do as you’re told and vote ‘No’, they’ll sing at you….

  16. 22
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Oh dear, the poor old dear doesn’t actually understand how AV works, does she? If AV goes to a second round of counting, everyone’s vote is counted twice, not just those who are eliminated on the first round. It just that those who voted for the winning candidate on the first round get to keep voting for their first choice the second time round.

    Anyway, the Yes 2 AV campaign have also revealed their clinching argument:


    • 33
      misterned says:

      I agree with you to an extent, it does nothing to remove the fact that you could vote with your first preference for candidate A and that candidate could win 6 rounds of voting. But then lose the seat in the seventh round because of the seventh preference of another voter who has had ALL his different votes counted.

      Whereas your candidate was most popular of all the candidates, and still lost, and you only had one of your preferences counted, all your other preferences are ignored and not counted at all.

      That feels very unfair to many many people, which is why the No campaign has a massive lead in the polls now.

      • 102
        DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

        No, in the situation you describe, it’s not that your vote wasn’t counted, it’s just that you voted for someone who didn’t win.

        Your vote would still have been counted in the final round, the one in which your candidate lost, but he didn’t have as many votes as the other candidate.

        The other voted who gets his 7th preference has not had his other votes counted: the first 6 candidates got eliminated. It’s entirely fair, it’s just a bit hard for some people to understand (see some of the comments below).

        The reason why the No campaign has a massive lead in the polls is because most voters don’t actually understand the difference, and the No campaign have used very effective appeals to emotion, while the Yes campaign have tried to stick to the facts. Sticking to the facts is never going to be an effective strategy in politics.

        • 121
          The Paragnostic says:

          The voter who has his seventh preference counted most certainly has had all his other votes counted during the elimination process.

          Otherwise it wouldn’t have come down to his 7th preference, would it?

        • 139
          dadsfortwoaircraftcarriers says:

          Yes, but why are the full set of preferences of the people who may have voted for the majority candidate under FPTP not considered? Ah yes, it is because the 50% threshold has been reached. But this leaves a slightly unsavoury impression. It is as if the system has said to the minority supporters – you can’t have him so have another go and then at a later stage has said to the majority votes – you can’t have her but we’ve now stopped. A true consistent system would look at the full range of preferences expressed by everyone, and probably weight them as well.

          The problem with this approach though is that people don’t really relate to politicians in the way they buy breakfast cereal.

          The song is really good.

        • 145
          AVwhere the first will later be last says:

          Don’t you think a system that ‘most people don’t undertsand’ is inappropriate. remember how the SNP won the election in Scotland where 15% of all votes were disallowed because the voters ‘didn’t understand’. Av is clearly designed to maximize the potential for tactical voting, is unecessarily complex and will have people bewildered when the results are out. It will do nothing for the legitimacy of MP’s (if they have any now) – mandates will be questioned and political nargs will ann be able to have a group w*nk over the statistics. FPTP needs to be reformed – but only be re basing constituencies to take out the 9% labour bias

          • The Paragnostic says:

            And tightening postal votes – medical certificate or proof of travel plans to be provided before a postal vote is accepted.

          • Conservative democrat says:

            >Av is clearly designed to maximize the potential for tactical voting

            That’s simply not true. In a democratic voting system tactical voting is unnecessary. FPTP is the system that makes it a requirement for anyone who doesn’t support the top 2 parties in a constituency. AV makes tactical voting pretty much impossible unless you can accurately predict the exact voting behaviour of the rest of the voters, which you can’t, and even if you could you’d have to make sure that not too many people voted that way or you’d end up getting someone you didn’t want in power.

    • 35
      Cretin detector beeps loudly and says:

      Bzzzt! Wrong! It’s the 2nd votes of the last-place party that get counted. Not everyone’s.

      You’re either thick, or lying.

      • 88
        DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

        Yes, the second preference votes of the last place party get counted in the second round.

        But the first preference votes of the first place party get counted in the second round.

        Why to No2AV folk find that so hard to understand?

        • 113
          Bled White Taxpayer says:

          The only people who never get their second preferences counted are those that support the candidate who wins and the candidate who comes second. For the candidate who comes an eventual second, but with substantial popular support, it’s a kick in the teeth.

          Why should the mongs who vote BNP, Loony, Green, SLP, etc get another chance to influence the result? Frankly, a better use for their first preference vote is to track them down and smack them in the chops for being idiots. And not give them a vote at all in future, because clearly they haven’t the adult intelligence to be trusted with a vote.

        • 127
          Reality Check says:

          The first preference votes of the first place party are counted the first time round – they don’t change, ever. They might be added-to with 2nd preference votes from the loonies who voted for the last-place party, but if you vote for the top-two parties, your vote is counted once, and once only.

        • 129
          misterned says:

          And in the final round of counting,it could be the sixth preference vote of the B&P voter which will be counted and manage to overturn the lead of the most popular candidate, but the second and subsequent votes of those who voted for the most popular candidate will not be counted at all.

          So the argument against FPTP states that under FPTP the votes for the least popular votes are wasted, but under AV it is the votes for the most popular candidate that can be wasted.

          Hardly a fair system.

          • KatieL says:

            It’s functionally equivalent to a run-off election series where we eliminate the least popular candidate each time. Their voters will have to find someone else on the ballot form to vote for in round two.

            People who vote for big parties as their first preference will keep doing so each round — why would they not? The candidate is still the one they want, surely?

            So if we actually had separate rounds, they’d just keep voting the same each time.

            And that’s exactly the outcome AV gets you, just without faffing about having actual separate rounds.

          • misterned says:

            It is not functionally equivalent.

            In run off rounds with voting between each round, everyone has the opportunity, should they wish, to change their mind.

            Additionally, EVERY vote is counted.

            Additionally, voters only place 1 cross by 1 candidate

            The final round is a FPTP vote between two people.

            AV mains that lots of preferences are not counted at all.

      • 336
        Conservative democrat says:

        With AV (which has the better name of “instant run-off” voting in the US) everyone votes the same amount of times – once per runoff (or elimination) round, and if your candidate isn’t the least popular that round you vote for it again in the next round.

        Let’s say you have an election between 4 candidates – Cameron, Clarke, Davis and Fox. In the first round the results are Davis 31.3%, Cameron 28.3%, Fox 21.2%, Clarke 19.2%. If this had been the only round of voting Mr Davis would win with a very unsatisfactory less than third of the vote. Fortunately in this example we have a fairer system. In the second round Clarke is eliminated and you get to choose between Davis, Cameron and Fox. The results are Cameron 45.5%, Davis 28.8% Fox 25.7%. Fox is then eliminated and in the final round Cameron gets 67.6% and Davis gets 32.4%. Everyone has had the same amount of votes, and the result is that rather than have Mr Davis winning with less than a third of the backing of the electorate, Mr Cameron has won with over two thirds of the electorate.

        In a democracy we are trying to find the candidate who best represents the largest number of constituents, and under that criteria AV is better than FPTP.

    • 45
      misterned says:

      Oh and whilst funny, that poster you linked to, is not representative of voting for a government. I take that responsibility far more seriously than where I want to go for a beer, or a coffee.

      Also in that poster, it is unrealistic. Would they decide where to go based on location, or on what type of beverage they would like to consume at the destination?

      The real question there is “What sort of beverage shall we drink tonight” with two options, then it would follow, based on that poster, that the next question would be “Where shall we consume alcoholic beverages”

      I shall not vote for AV because some alcoholics cannot decide where to go before they decide what they want to go there for.

    • 47
      GDS says:

      I think it’s a big bit of sophistry to say “everyone’s vote is counted twice”. It’s much more honest to say that, if you voted for the top candidate, your vote remains static whilst other’s shift to other candidates around you. I also sounds a fuck sight less democratic which is probably why you used those weasel words.

      • 553
        Alexsandr says:

        for AV to be fair, they should have the first round, then the electorate goes to the polls again with the worst candidate removed from the list.
        keep doing that till you have a winner.
        but that could take weeks…..

        or the guy who gets most votes wins. nice and simple

        NO from me then…

    • 60
      John Major says:

      How does that work exactly if I fancy going out just for a currie?

    • 63
      Tessa Tickles says:

      It’s clearly you who doesn’t know how AV works.

      From the Yes to AV site: AV explained:

      “Alternative Vote
      With AV voters’ ‘first preferences’ are
      counted as before. As no candidate
      has 50% support the last placed
      candidate, ‘D’, is eliminated, and her
      supporters’ second preferences are
      transferred to the others.

      Still no candidate has 50% support,
      so candidate ‘C’ drops out and
      his voters’ second choices are
      ‘B’ emerges with majority
      support. She wins!”

      • 91
        DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

        The bit you (and others are missing) is that when the second choices are transferred, they are added to the existing first preference votes. So the first preference votes of the people who voted for the most popular candidate are still counted in the second round.

        • 107
          Blackadder's codpiece says:

          if it’s not one vote for one candidate per person – and one vote for one candidate only per person – then it’s not proper democracy. it’s just the thin jealous end of the PR wedge demanded by self-serving, wet-lipped and deeply illiberal libdem wankers who are frustrated by their party’s inability to garner national electoral clout. on account most of them are either mad, sandal wearing lefty weirdos with eye-poppingly stupid policies – or deeply unpleasant and unutterably mendacious opportunists who’ll label you a nazi if you oppose them. eh, chris huhne?

          say no to AV; bury the libdems forever.

        • 119
          Gooey Blob says:

          No, they were counted in the first round. They don’t get counted again or the person who won the first round would double his/her tally. The second choices of eliminated voters are simply added to the existing tallies of those who are still in the contest unless the preference is for a candidate who has already been eliminated, in which case, the vote skips that choice and moves on to the next. The process is repeated until the Lib Dem wins (unless there’s an R in the month, or the person’s surname has seven letters or more, in which case the UKIP votes count double and Greens count triple (except on a Community Chest square)).

          Honestly, I despair of some of you Yes voters. I’d have expected you to understand the voting system you’re trying to impose on the rest of us.

        • 124
          Bled White Taxpayer says:

          So some vegan single issue nutter’s 9th preference for either Labour or Lib Dem is worth as much as my first choice for a Tory? No, the reality is that her first choice is worth as much as my first choice. Her 9th choice should be weighted as 1/9th of a vote.

          You get lots of chances to influence the overall selection if you consistently vote for losers – literally. It’s a bit like modern schools – “all must have prizes”, less the poor sod who is naturally bright and hard working, but who is frowned on by all of the teachers for being too middle class, and with too aspirational parents.

        • 130
          misterned says:

          So the argument against FPTP states that under FPTP the votes for the least popular candidates are wasted, but under AV it is the votes for the most popular candidate and most of the least popular candidates too, that can be wasted.

          Hardly a fair system.

        • 134
          Reality Check says:

          The bit that you (and other terminally hard of thinking) are missing is that the first preference votes of the people who voted for the most popular candidate are NOT counted in the 2nd round. They may get added to, they are not counted.

          What happens if, thanks to 2nd/3rd/4th preference votes, the 2nd place party wins? Do the 2nd-preference votes of those who originally backed the ‘winner’ get counted? No.

        • 350
          Conservative democrat says:

          The perfect is the enemy of the good.

          This is the only chance we’ve ever had to have any say whatsoever is how our voting system works. It’s taken them 100 years to give us any choice, and we have to grab it with both hands. PR is not in the top 2 parties interests (because FPTP leads to 2 party systems) so they will never offer it to us. If you don’t vote YES, because you want PR how do you think we’ll ever be offered PR? A No result will mean politicians will be able to say “the electorate aren’t interested in electoral reform” just like they do about the EU (where we were also lied to about).

    • 64
      Ant and/or Dec says:

      I don’t understand that poster at all.

      If the only choices are beer or coffee, and everyone who voted beer put coffee down as their second choice, then it would be coffee under AV.

      Or is it saying you’d have to drink 7 pints to be pissed enough vote for AV?

      • 69
        annette curton says:

        Desperation has obviously set in, its a thinly disguised subliminal message to chav town…vote for Carlsberg Export!

      • 72
        misterned says:

        LMAO!!! Fantastic!!!!

      • 77
        The Buffy/Nescafe Man says:

        Don’t any of the pubs sell coffee?

      • 92
        DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

        The point is that in an election, you have more than 2 political parties. So it’s not like the only choice is beer or coffee. The choice is 4 different types of beer or coffee.

        • 106
          Conflating two different scenarios says:

          OK I get that, but you’ve made the choices between four pubs, none of which appear to sell coffee (where on earth do YOU live?) and one coffee shop, but presented the result as only a choice between beer or coffee.

        • 239
          Southern Softy says:

          Not strictly accurate.
          There are only two real parties.
          There are also many shades of red to green and colours that haven’t been invented yet, purporting to be political parties, starting with the Sandalistas.
          Somehow they have won equal rights to air time and they have almost gained credibility in some circles.
          Don’t lose sight of the big picture.
          A vote for these “parties” is a waste of a vote, whatever the counting method.

    • 117
      The Paragnostic says:

      If the idiot that voted for the Green Man had coffee as a second preference you’d still get coffee – a bit like 70% voting “anyone but Labour” and then Labour picking up the Green votes in the second round.

      That’s why AV is a shoddy little compromise, you fool – if you want PR then let’s have PR, not an absurd complication of our admittedly flawed but simple system.

      Personally, I don’t care which system wins, but if Cleggie and Miliband are for AV that’s as good a reason as any to vote No.

      • 125
        That Helpful Mr Clegg says:

        Yep Clegg said that FPTP suits right wingers , so that settles it No to AV then !

    • 132
      Barnehurst Bob says:

      Under AV we’d have a beer, but Clegg would always get to choose the pub! In the name of Diversity we would end up in The Admiral Duncan wishing we were in Costa Coffee.

      • 141
        Reality Check says:

        And Clegg’d choose the night when the fucking weirdie-beardie’s are in residence having their hugfest “talking stick” evening and w@nking-off over their copies of The Golden Bough.

    • 393
      Totally confused British Electorate says:

      Can I have an aspirin ? This is totally confusing. I think I’ll just flip a coin… Heads …NO Tails YES

  17. 24
    Oh FFS ... says:


    “living wage”

    Paid for by ??? Employers. Money coming from??? Customers or taxpayers.

    Do the words “inflationary” and “cycle” mean anything to this halfwit?

    “ensuring local businesses are protected from multinational chains”

    How? In the same way as sheep cast votes making wolves illegal?

    WTF planet do these people live on?

    • 39
      Fubar Saunders says:

      Planet Watermelon.

      Green on the outside, red on the inside.

    • 54
      AC1 says:

      So say someone does something whos productivity is below the minimum wage….

      That means the state ensures they are unemployed.

      It’s a compulsory unemployment productivity.

  18. 31
    No AV voter says:

    I’ve already voted NO to this lot of bollocks via Postal Vote, let’s keep it simple. One man / women, one vote.

    • 38
      TJB says:

      If you worked your postal votes like they do down in Old London Town you could have voted 40 or 50 times from the comfort of your own home. You slipped up there!

    • 41
      Oh FFS ... says:

      Yes. One man, one woman, one vote each.

      Nothing for the Izzards and the other cant-make-up-their-minds.

    • 50
      Selohesra says:

      although actually it all started going downhill when women got their vote – so lets stick to one man (preferably taxpaying man) one vote

  19. 36
    Ryan Giggs' super injunction says:

    I have already voted no. The British people do not want this and will not tolerate this. Anybody that votes yes is a TRAITOR to our traditions.

  20. 43
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Fact : Ed Balls is totally thick and stupid.
    Yesterday he said George Osborne was in denial. He actually meant to say “I’m in complete denial” but mistook himself for the chancellor.

  21. 48
    We are all in this together says:
    • 99
      Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

      hopefully portraits of the great Baroness Thatcher.

      • 215
        Oh FFS ... says:

        No, far better to spend the money on crotch shots and cleavage shots of Lisa Nandy

    • 128
      The Paragnostic says:

      It would be nice to know how much Labour pissed away on the GAC between 1997 and 2010, but all we know from Ed Vaizey’s parliamentary response is that the Coalition are spending substantially less than in recent years – probably in line with the general level of cuts.

      Gloria Stits is a silly little bint that should have stuck to crawling to Labourites on GMTV.

  22. 49
    U Termison says:

    Nice to see the BBC kowtowing to the spongers.

    From diary of a benefit scrounger.

    Sue Marsh said…
    But the BBC filter comments and are only showing one’s in support of the sick and disabled today.

    Nearly 1000 people have read this post in 2 hours. Let’s make it 10,000 by the end of today.

    The Mirror
    The Guardian
    The Inde

    We’ve won these so far and many more.

    28 April 2011 11:08

  23. 51
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Calm down dear should have been said as follows. Shut up you stupid manky haired lesbo, go and have a shower.

  24. 52
    Anonymous says:

    It doesn’t matter who wins they will all get on the gr-AV-y train

  25. 53
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    I blame the french!

    • 74
      Cheese-eating surrender monkeys says:

      That’s a safe option. They’re hardly going to argue with you.

    • 136
      Bled White Taxpayer says:

      I worked once with a rather smart Civil Servant in the MoD – he was in a very small minority to be fair. Anyway, we were planning the visit of a French Defence Minister for some bilateral talks in London, and the French Minister’s private office suggested he come by Eurostar. No issue to us, so that was arranged. We suggested the date of 21st October. No problems for the French Minister. All set until some political crisis in Paris caused the visit to be postponed for a few weeks, and in the end he flew in.

      So we never did get to welcome a French Minister of Defence at Waterloo station on Trafalgar Day. It would have been priceless.

  26. 55
    Gordon Brown says:

    i will also be singing songs later this afternoon

  27. 57
    David Miliband says No2AV says:

    With AV the loser wins. While some people’s votes are counted once, some get their votes over & over again. AV is a farce. Only a fair form of PR can replace fptp.

    • 67
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Or, preferably, a military dictatorship.

    • 87
      AC1 says:

      How about a voting Matrix, which every voter combines with every other and the winner has the highest eigenvalue!

      It’s only marginally less complex than AV.

      • 131
        The Paragnostic says:

        Don’t mention eigenvalues – you’ll have Schroedinger’s Cat all excited!

        What would be the result of a double slit experiment on Prescott, anyway?

      • 140
        Erwin Shrodingers Election night special says:

        We could have a quantum election where the candidate list represents all possible outcomes which we vote in terms of probabilities.
        For as long as no votes are counted then the result remains a sum over all probabilities. It’s only when the ballot boxes are opened and subject to observation that the wave function representing the voters intentions collapses into an actual result.
        Due to the random nature of the wave collapse the most probable result may not be what is observed and the candidate receiving the least votes votes could still win as long as he has an expectation to win greater than zero.
        There what could be simpler .

        • 153
          The Paragnostic says:

          I’d insist on the wave function being normalised – that way we could eliminate the abnormal candidates prior to calculating the results.

          At least we’re not proposing using Hamiltonians – another dose of Neil and Christine would be too much.

          • Erwin Shrodingers Election night special says:

            Of course I should add that all candidates would be subject to the uncertainty principle ie it is uncertain whether any of them would keep any promises made in their manifestos . The same principle applies to expense claims as it is uncertain where an mp actually lives when it comes to second homes.

          • The Paragnostic says:

            Heisenberg had it spot on – (delta home location)x(delta expense claims) = h

            where h is the ‘MPs are planks’ constant.

            Unfortunately, due to the distortion in space, time and truthfulness associated with Socialism, h can vary for Labour candidates, and some of them have been known to be in posession of a 3rd home in one of Her Majesties prisons.

          • The Paragnostic says:

            Majesty’s not bloody Majesties – it’s a good job I stuck to Maths and Physics and didn’t try to do English past O-level…

          • Max Plancks big night in says:

            Some MPs are thick as planks .

          • PD77 says:

            It’s all relative!

        • 179
          Schrödinger says:

          No, ‘cos when you open the ballot box, there’d just be a dead cat in there.

  28. 62

    Why even Lib Dems should vote ‘No’ to AV: http://bit.ly/g2JOld

    • 164
      The Paragnostic says:

      +1 – an inconvenient truth for Lib Dems if ever I saw one.

    • 561
      Sicko says:

      Cutting and deadly: voting LibDem has been the equivalent of ticking the ‘None of the above’ box. Now that it means participation in the world of politics, that vote has no appeal.

  29. 66
    Andy Marr says:

    I wonder if she is single.

  30. 73
    Saltire 1 the socialists are done. says:

    Scotland has both a form of AV similiar to the one proposed & fptp. I very much doubt the Scots will want a pure AV voting system, except the vermin corrupt socialists.
    Bye Bye to the corruption of Aleos! The corrupt socialists days are numbered!

    • 163
      Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      Fuck the jocks especially the ginger haired ones that work at the BBC.

      • 169
        The Paragnostic says:

        Shhh – you’ll get them all outraged – there’s one that calls me a Quisling for voting English Democrat because he thinks all Welshmen should be Labourites ;-)

        • 184
          The Paraquisling says:

          No he thinks all Welshmen should be Welsh not pretendy Englishmen.

          • The Paragnostic says:

            I never pretend to be English – why would I?

            But living where I do, ED is my best hope for independence for Wales, and Plaid are a bunch of lefties intent on sucking on the English teat for as long as possible (much like the SNP) while spouting crap.

            Twll du din!

          • The Parafuckwit says:

            Interesting idea that, voting English Democrat to secure Welsh independence. Now how does that work pray tell ?

  31. 75
    Floreat Magdalena says:

    Almost as retarded as the circular argument ‘The winner should be the one that comes first’. No campaign are morons.

    • 103
      Socialism is a mental illness says:

      So basically, with the exception of Fiji, Papua New Guinea and Australia, every country in the world is run by morons? And since Australia wants to get rid of AV, they’re morons, too?

      • 252
        Southern Softy says:

        So, do Fiji and Papua New Guinea have a problem with the B&P at their elections?

        • 312
          The Paragnostic says:

          No, but the Fijians are overrun with subcontinentals imported by us during the days of Empire to run the civil service, so they’re not that keen on immigration…

          • Thomas H Rott Esq says:

            I think you ‘ll find that Fiji has been ruled for the past 20 odd years by a military junta.

  32. 76
    Lisa Nandy says:

    Who likes my baps?

    • 81
      IAMA Taxpayer not a customer says:

      pity about the ropey boat..

    • 84
      I don't need no doctor says:

      Only with burgers and relish, yum yum.

    • 100
      Oh FFS ... says:

      I’ll vote for them.

      Using AV, I vote for a nice soapy titwank. A dry one would be my second preference. Doing either of the above without you having a bag on your head is third.

  33. 78
    Demetrius says:

    If you actually look at what various political parties and individuals were proposing in the 1960′s and see what has happened since you will see that far more of Screaming Lord Sutch’s policies have been adopted than any of the others.

  34. 80
    the moneyshot says:

    18Angela Eagle says:
    April 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm
    Here’s an incentive. Vote Yes to AV and if it wins, I’ll do a topless photoshoot.

    26misterned says:
    April 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm
    Topless as in, with your head removed? I could be tempted…

    Topless as in, without clothes on top, then I would rather pluck out my own eyes with rusty tweezers than look at that.


  35. 90
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Is that Guidos new intern in the video?

  36. 93
    Sir William Waad says:

    I think the barrel may have been scraped, but there’s a week to go yet.

    I suppose it’s useless to point out that nobody would vote twice?

    I suppose it’s useless to point out that, in a democracy, everybody gets a vote, even if we think they’re bad or silly (the ‘Loonies’?)

    Thought so.

    • 150
      misterned says:

      I suppose it is useless to point out that some people will have their first preference vote counted several times over several rounds, whereas others will have several preferences counted over many rounds which could culminate in the backers of extreme parties getting more and more chances to support the mainstream and their sixth preference vote backing the eventual winner, even when that winner is not the most popular candidate. And further, I suppose it is useless to point out that those people who voted for the most popular candidate, although their votes eventually are worthless and rejected, they do not get their second choices counted.

      • 157
        The Paragnostic says:

        Stop it misterned – you’ll have the poor dears all confused.

        It seems that only bitter and twisted losers support AV, and anyone who understands the way the system works can see how insidious and antidemocratic it really is.

        I vote that we go back to ostraca and pots – ostraca only to be issued to male citizens of good standing. Worked OK for the Athenians, didn’t it?

      • 258
        Scott says:

        Spot on Misterned. The trouble with the Yes vte gang, they despise anyone who disagrees with them. If it wheere up to them they would prefere a first and secnd preference for a fair outcome!

  37. 95
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Scrap westminster parliament, its fuckin useless anyway.

    • 104
      Tessa Tickles says:

      The building itself would make an excellent mausoleum for all the dead MPs bricked-up inside it.

      • 105
        Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

        i like that idea :-)

      • 158
        The Paragnostic says:

        Make it an ossuary – we could get most of the council taxgrabbing scum in as well!

        • 166
          Tessa Tickles says:

          I quite liked the idea of bricking them in alive, and I don’t think that would work with a ossuary. What’s the name of those hidden dungeons where the only way in is through a hole in the roof (which is the floor of the room above)? An Oubliette? We could turn the Houses of Parliament into one of them – so we get mausoleum and ossuary in one!

          • The Paragnostic says:

            That would be OK, but I think that hanging followed by exposure on gibbets across Westminster Bridge, with the bones transferred to the HoC once the seagulls have had their share, would be far more entertaining and a salutary lesson to any future politicians who think that working for the public is a career rather than a duty.

          • Tessa Tickles says:

            Well, OK. But the idea of them bricked-up and screaming in the dark is quite.. attractive.

          • Southern Softy says:

            I like the idea that ex MP’s are put onto e-bay. The highest bidder gets a houseboy/girl/(lgbt/disabled/assylum seeker/etc) to do what they like with.
            The icing on the cake would be that the MP’s would have to bear all the costs themselves for five years.

          • Thomas H Rott Esq says:

            Tessa – oubliette it is. Derived from the French verb oublier – to forget. The idea was that prisoners were dumped in the hole and then forgotten about forever. Seems to have worked then, so it might well be time to revive the idea! Vive la France, non?

    • 110
      Herman von Rompuy says:

      I agree, direct rule by your real masters, would remove all confusion.

  38. 96
    Stephen Purcell Head of the Aleos Burger Bar says:

    Who wants fries with their burger? Do you want err co co c*ke? Sniff.

  39. 97
    man perched on the barstool says:

    we think its Victoria Wood’s mother..
    and we took the AV route..

  40. 101
    Bob Page says:

    There were more cuts in that video than the last spending review.

  41. 111
    Old Nick Heavenly (cue Dutrou vids and lots of foaming at the mouth) says:

    Not being involved in this I have taken little notice, but having just read the thread it occurs to me that the ‘ highly educated ‘ modern Brit is unlikely to understand this system at all!
    I didn’t and I am not a dimmo!

    It occurs to me that the whole thing comes down to tactical voting.

    Well I know the tactics of the very average Brit. Something for nothing and the consequences of my actions must fall upon anybody else other than myself.

    It seems like a wonderful opportunity for manipulation of the thickos who will willingly accept the strategy given to them by their local politicos. The stupider the voter the more easily he will be manipulated.

    Another step towards toalitarian control. Britney has been walking down this road for too long.

    Tommorrow I am English, but just for one day!

    • 115
      Old Nick Heavenly (cue Dutrou vids and lots of foaming at the mouth) says:


    • 149
      Clegg can't think ahead says:

      It’s supposed to end tactical voting, but doesn’t. For most people, the first preference will still have to be for the least-worst option between Labour and the Conservatives.

  42. 116
    gildedtumbril says:

    Well! It almost had a tune and almost scanned correctly. Still, it is NO for me and all thinking folk.
    One would like, however, a referendum on the E bastard U. The Swiss have the best system, in many ways.

    • 154
      misterned says:


    • 159
      YES2AV 16 points behind: Clegg is toast, he's gonna roast says:

      Too right. They have (government supplied) guns in their houses.

      Perfect for when the LimpyDims come canvassing.

  43. 120

    Dear BBC,
    Please could you turn down the volume on your Dr Who adverts.
    They give me a headache even with the TV switched off.


    • 147
      Reality Check says:

      Dear BBC,

      Please could you make the plots of Dr Who better? Try getting rid of the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver. It’s cheating.

      “Doctor, we’re surrounded by 200 killer Daleks and they’re about to blow us up and destroy the universe! We’re doomed! Oh, wait, you’ve got your sonic screwdriver! Wahay! The Daleks are gone and we’re saved! Thank you, sonic screwdriver!”

      It sucks. Like the blue crystal Jon Pertwee had in the 70s.

    • 270
      Southern Softy says:

      You have my sympathy, Bill.
      The other day, I was watching the adverts for programmes I had no intention of watching, when the bbc had the audacity to show a programme!
      I had no alternative but to switch off in disgust.

  44. 126
    Mercian says:

    I’m finding it difficult to decide how to vote.

    On the one hand, if the Tories and half of Labour support the ‘No’ side, a No vote can’t be good for ordinary people.

    On the other hand, if the LibDums and Millipede support ‘Yes’, that can’t be any good either.

    Maybe I’ll go for ‘None of the Above’

    • 144
      Reality Check says:

      You could vote Yes as your first choice and No as your second.

      • 194
        The Paragnostic says:

        Top plan – it would spoil the ballot as well as the usual ‘None of the Above’ but it has a certain ironic elegance to it ;-)

  45. 135
    David Tennant says:

    I love Gordon Brown. He gets my first, second, third, fourth and fifth preferences.

  46. 152
    Beckett Fish says:

    007 is in a restaurant ordering some lunch with his mistress.
    The waiter walks over and James politely asks, ‘ Could i get a BLT for myself, and club sandwich for the lady’
    The waiter replies, ‘ No problem sir, thats a Club sandwich for the lady, and a Turd sandwich for you’
    James is rattled, ‘ What did you say? A Turd sandwich? I asked for a bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich thankyou’
    The waiter replies, ‘ Oh, how silly of me, so a turd lettuce and tomato sandwich then’
    Bond is infuriated, he stands up, smashes his glass on the waiters head, grabs his ladys hand and walks towards the door.
    As he smoothly flicks his jacket over his shoulder, he turns to the crumbled waiter on the ground and says,
    ‘Bacon, not Turd

  47. 155
    Hang The Bastards says:

    No1 in the Top 40 on Sunday !

  48. 161
    Angela Eagle says:

    Ain’t I sexy?

    • 165
      The Paragnostic says:

      No, dear. Now calm down.

    • 176
      Mercian says:

      Why is it that real life lezzers aren’t as sexy as the ones in porn videos?

      The porn industry doesn’t lie does it? Please tell me it doesn’t lie. My faith in all things good and pure will be ruined!

      • 181
        The Paragnostic says:

        You could always try Google – plenty of hits for ‘ugly lesbian’ on there…

        • 189
          Mercian says:

          I’ve just checked and you’re right. You’re obviously a man of much greater experience than me.

  49. 174
    Dirk Diggler says:

    Maybe a tit wank and a finger up my bum hole from Lisa Nandy would get me voting yes to whatever the fuck she wanted me to….

    • 183
      The Paragnostic says:

      Dirk! Next you’ll be like that well known star of Downthepants Abbey, and having a dildo stuffed up your chuff – it’s a slippery slope from there to Mandelsonism.

  50. 175
    More Common sense for Scotland says:

    I wish the Scottish Conservatives could beat Labour. They would make a better opposition than Labour. Goldie is a cut above G(r)ay and would be a formidable opponent to SNP and would keep them their toes.

    • 278
      Southern Softy says:

      You could be forgiven for thinking the Scottish voters believe their votes are monitored.
      There is no other explanation why there are so few Tory voters north of the border.
      Especially when you consider how many of the Ginger Ones are south of the border.

  51. 193

    Any of you “Commoners ” Sick to fuckin death of this spongers wedding yet ?
    i can’t believe the amount of sad bastards gathered on the streets of London
    some of them have bought an outfit and a big hat FFS !
    All to stand in the feckin street and look like a twat for the worlds media !

    • 195
      The Paragnostic says:

      Just tried to find some news that wasn’t all about the chuffing wedding – no chance. Sky, BBC, ITV, C4, C5 – all camped [sic] out round the abbey interviewing the afflicted.

      I did hear some mention of the cops arresting some potential protesters, but it was drowned in the tide of sentimental shit that they want to ram down our throats.

      What’s wrong with just jumping over the broomstick?

    • 197
      Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      What sort of news do you want? fucking mong Muslims murdering again? Politicians spouting shit? Wayne Rooney being a fucking tool? Obama rreally isn’t the baby Jesus (he has a father)

      Sure we need more news.

      • 202

        FFS i notice Tat the royalist retard hasn’t yet got his fucking tent set up !

      • 205
        Tessa Tickles says:

        news I’d like to see tomorrow:

        “And the here’s the leader of the ** party, getting out of his car, dressed in his morning suit, he’s.. what’s that red dot on the back of his head? Is it OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! SOMEONE CALL AND AMBULANCE!! NO!” etc etc.

        Oooh yes.

        • 207
          Tessa Tickles says:


          • Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller (oops - I mean .. err .. Geoff ,, er ,,Smith) says:

            Anyone else worried that Chris H*ne might just go postal? I hope my successor’s got him under surveillance.

        • 208
          Prince Billy says:

          Good idea and then we will get a real Tory PM to stand on those Socialist money wasters heads.

          • Tessa Tickles says:

            Nah, the Tory Party has been and gone, like Labour. They’ll get some other nutjob leader in who’ll be even worse and we’ll be fantasising about head-shots for them, too.

    • 199
      Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      Sure they look like twats, unlike the mongs who go to watch 22 mostly homosexual men kicking a dead Pig’s internals around a piece of grass wearing football shirts (at £50 a go) that are too small and stained in beer and spunk and singing racist songs.


      Somehow I don’t think the lot camping out tonight in London will be spitting at or abusing the Police.

      I know who I think is more representative of Britain and it’s not the football mongs.

    • 224
      nell says:

      Ah OK.

      You’ll be arranging a street party, like the labour party have asked, for miltwit’s wedding instead then will you?

      • 229
        The Paragnostic says:

        Champagne and caviar (kosher, of course) all round!

        • 242
          nell says:


          Champagne and Caviar for militwit’s wedding?

          Like gordon’s wedding before them they are struggling to find the enthusiam to fund a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps for potential guests, and they assure us there won’t be more than 30 or so of those.

          militwit’s marriage is one of political convenience, a chance he hopes to get himself some prime media attention. There’ll be precious little celebration for a man who doesn’t believe in family or marriage anyway and who is simply conducting a PR exercise!!!

          • The Paragnostic says:

            Bet it won’t be bacon flavoured crisps – maybe Keith Vaz can boost some from Walkers for them.

            Come to think of it – maybe the oily Vaz has been dipped in the fryer?

            I wonder if Denis Matyjaszek is invited to Ed’s do – he certainly sorted out Tony and Gordon’s invites for tommorow!

          • Southern Softy says:

            Got any pork scratchings, Ed?

  52. 204

    TAT’s dad does karaoke !

  53. 206
    Up the super injunction says:

    Have you noticed that it’s getting later much earlier at this time of fortnight?

  54. 210
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Is there some wedding happening soon?

    • 213
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Tomorrow: woman grabs meal-ticket.
      2012: baby.
      2018: divorce.

      God, life is boringly predictable.

      • 214

        2020 – Very First New Labour Next Generation policy announced.
        2021 – Blair becomes Pope
        2022 – winner of last weeks caption competition announced.
        2035 – first liberal by-election win since 2011.
        2045 – 1st of the new UK Aircraft carries enters service {aircraft to follow on soon}

        • 235
          Engineer says:

          That’s a bit far-fetched, Bill. Do you seriously expect anyone to believe that the winner of the caption competition will be announced that soon?

        • 243
          Tessa Tickles says:

          2046 – MOD reveals flight deck isn’t strong enough to take aircraft.
          2047 – Treasury announces extra £19.8bn for carrier re-design.
          2048 – carriers scrapped.
          2148 – PFI contract for carrier redesign paid-off
          2150 – Billy wins caption contest (bless!)

      • 238
        The Paragnostic says:

        2019 – nasty accident in underpass after affair with Arab freeloader.

        • 246
          Tessa Tickles says:

          Unless.. 2017 – EU announces 16mph speed limit.

          Maybe they’ll go for an aircraft crash next time.

        • 290
          Southern Softy says:

          That’s only 8 years away, so Phil The Greek could still be calling the shots.

  55. 212
    Leggy says:

    I never knew Anne Robinson has such yummy legs. Liking the skirt she’s wearing on Watchdog.

    • 370
      ex-daily mirror journo with long memory says:

      i’g love to punch her face in and watch as it crumples into pieces on the floor

  56. 217
    Ed Miliband says:

    Why all the fuss about Lisa Nandy’s tits at pmqs? I get my tits out at pmqs every week. They’re called Ed and Harriet.

  57. 219
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m so angry at not being invited to the wedding, I’ve thrown a Nokia at a baby, a wheelchair user and a cancer patient. That’s straight from my book on courage.

    • 295
      Southern Softy says:

      Gordon, ffs you’re going to have to throw more Nokias.
      They’ve announced more job cuts today.

  58. 220
    It's only a matter of time before it happens says:

    After the story of the fellow who was accused of ray cism by a chinese man for performing Kung Fu Fighting, is it still ok to like Empire apples or has political correctness killed that too? They happen to be my favourite type of apple but surely some leftie will say the name Empire might be offensive to some who think it refers to the British empire.

    • 222
      Colonel Blimp says:

      The League Of Empire Loyalists (if they were sill around: RIP A.K.Chesterton) would say the days of the British Empire were glorious – and they were – and still would be, if the country had not been betrayed by its politicians.

  59. 221
    Colonel Blimp says:

    What gives that ugly old sea-boot the right to call the B&P “loony”?

    • 227
      That's because they ARE loony says:

      Sieg Heil!

      • 406
        lol who knows says:

        It is one of the great mysteries that will be laughed at in the future at how worldwide people could openly admire an ideology such as Communism and it’s leaders that murdered over 100million and committed some of the worse crimes against humanity and genocides on one hand yet revile it’s National Socialist German Workers’ Party cousin ideology which was an amateur on the other.

  60. 223
    nell says:


    I don’t think the No vote needs a secret weapon. Tonight’s polls show it consolidating it’s gain and moving 20% ahead of the yes campaign.

    lefties tend to forget that when it comes to the crunch , the British are pretty traditional and like to keep their hard won way of life rather than trading it for some fly by night , candy floss idea.

    Likewise the monarchy. Latest poll shows 24% want a republic , the rest want to keep the monarchy.

    • 230
      Tessa Tickles says:

      The bedwetting subhuman Liberal scum will be getting through a good-few incontinence pads over the next week or so.

    • 233
      The Paragnostic says:

      I’m quite happy to keep the monarchy, as they are mostly harmless and Phil the Greek is an entertaining old buffer.

      The alternative of having a political head of state is too awful to contemplate – imagine President Blair or, god forbid, President Katie Price!

    • 249
      Engineer says:

      I have a distinct feeling that the Silent Majority is about to speak….

    • 250
      Engineer says:

      I have a distinct feeling that the Silent Majority is about to air it’s views….

      • 266
        Tessa Tickles says:

        The postal voters in Birmingham?

        • 273
          Engineer says:


          • Tessa Tickles says:


            I have a question about bricks for you, Engineer, but it can wait for another time.

          • Engineer says:

            If you need to know the best size for lobbing, use half-bricks. A whole one is a bit much for most people to get any distance with.

            By the way, I didn’t tell you that….OK?

        • 279
          nell says:

          Not this time Tessa.

          This time, if the No vote wins, the Real Britain will be heard.

          It’s sad of course, because the vote we really want is the one over the EU.
          If we were to get that then there wouldn’t just be a 20% lead for the No vote against Europe. The voice of Real Britain would swell to a roar of rejection of the EU much as you will hear that same voice tomorrow as it roars its approval for the Royal Family on the Buck House balcony at 1.30pm.

          • Engineer says:

            Followed by the roar of six Rolls-Royce Merlins and four modern jets. Militwit won’t get that fly-past for his wedding.

          • Tessa Tickles says:

            Maybe the whole of Europe is waiting for that vote. I know I am.

            Off to bed. XX

          • The Paragnostic says:

            Pity they’ve not got the Vulcan involved Eng – saw it at Farnborough last year and that is still one hell of a nice plane.

            I may turn on just for the fly past – don’t really care about the wedding one way or the other, but panem et circenses will out, eh?

          • Engineer says:

            That’s a point, I’d forgotten the Vulcan.

            Which do was it that Concorde made a flypast? Queen Mother’s 100th?

          • nell says:

            Well said Eng!!

            And I’m hoping to hear and see the Lancaster, Spitfire and Hurricane over here tomorrow as we are usually right in their fly path when they head to London for one of their ‘sorties’.

            That’s what Real Britain’s all about.

            I was quite relieved today as well to see the Union Jack flying over our Town Hall. During labour’s years it was banned as they said it was divisive and made foreigners feel as though they didn’t belong!

            Thank God the labour crew have gone!!

          • nell says:

            G’night TT.

          • jim royle and the real royle family says:

            you really are a twat nell – real britain my arse

  61. 234
    nell says:

    tristramhunt labour mp and would be historian quoted tonight in the media, complaining about ghoulishgordon and bliarliar’s lack of weddinginvite, as saying ” They absolutely screwed up”

    Never a truer word! gordon and bliar absolutely did!!

    Whoever decided not to invite them judged the public mood perfectly.

    • 247
      Tell it like it really is. says:

      Who in their right mind would want Jonah gurning his bad luck and gloom over their wedding, never mind the Witch and the Monkey – no doubt the Witch would be up to her usual tricks, trying to fill her handbag with freebies – “liberated items.”

    • 253
      Tessa Tickles says:

      It’s fairly straightforward – slotgob wouldn’t bow to the queen, so that’s them out (never mind the war – Harry must have lost a few friends there).

      And Gordon “only had a part-time defence secretary during a fucking war” Brown’s an odious c’unt.

    • 254
      Old Nick Heavenly (cue Dutrou vids and lots of foaming at the mouth) says:

      as you say Nell!

      Mrs H bought me a fine bone china Union Jack mug and a box of memorial Walkers shortbread from the English shop in Luxembourg Town with a lovely photo of the happy couple.

      Tomorrow I am English for the day as there will be something that I can recognise going on in your country.

      If you loose the Royalty you will have lost it all.

      Here in Europe it’s wall to wall wedding non almost all channels!

      • 259
        The Paragnostic says:


        Food of the devil – what porridge w*gs have as a treat or when they run out of pizza to deep fry!

        • 288
          Old Nick Heavenly (cue Dutrou vids and lots of foaming at the mouth) says:

          She’s a Latino out of Paris! What do you expect?

          I do not even like shortbread!

          Nice photo though.

        • 326
          nell says:

          shortbread and porridge !!

          Let’s leave that sort of food (yuk) to the absent scot!!

          • northern hero says:

            but shortbread with rhubarb, delicious mmmmmm

          • Nell the bigot says:

            What do you know about nutrition you carrot crunching turnip head ? The only thing East Anglia is good for is dodgy climate science. What an inconsequence your neck of the woods is!

  62. 248
    Phwooar! says:

    Kate’s mum is delightfully MILFY. I’d give her one.

    • 255
      Tessa Tickles says:

      You’ve still got about 14 hours to go for the daughter.

      You never know..

      • 320
        Phwooar! says:

        If Alan Clark was still alive, he’d have fucked both of them already.

        • 340
          The Paragnostic says:

          Don’t forget the sister (Philippa?) – Clarke went for the trifecta when he shagged the judge’s wife and daughters…

    • 401
      Axe The Telly Tax says:


      A good rule of thumb is if your girlfriend’s mum is a MILF, then marry your girlfriend because that is what she’ll look like in 20 years time ;-)

  63. 257
    Smokestack El Morocco says:

    The British. A flag waving mong public who camp out for three days to cheer on some tax dodging, expense troughing parasites, while yet more mugs queue up to give arms and legs for Queen, country and Hamid Karzai.
    Asses led by donkeys.

    • 261
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Harsh. There’s one bloke waving a flag by the Cathedral, all the others are waiting for the assassinations to start.

      Bombs? Bullets? Oooh, it’s exciting!

  64. 264
    nell says:

    Apparently militwit and balls have been agonising over whether militwit could get away with attending the wedding in a business suit and so emphasise their ‘ we’re for the working folks’ message.

    Tonight, militwit has conceded that he will wear a morning suit, having reluctantly concluded that he’d look even more out of place in a business suit with everyone else else around him dressed in morning suits

    At least it will save the happy couple the cost of employing a jester!

    • 271
      I don't need no doctor says:

      I wonder if Miliband will travel first class to the wedding from his million pound plus working class socialist house. Surely he should wear something bought from a charity shop, you know just to show how working class he is.
      What a hypocritical tosser.

    • 275
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Red Ed should wear a donkey jacket.

      Except.. Foot carried it well. Milimong, millionaire son of a couple of Marxists, would just look fake. Which he is.

    • 282
      nell says:

      Will he arrive in a black cab perhaps and leave his wife to be to pay the bill?

      • 286
        Rocking in the Westminster aisles says:

        Good one nell! Got any more like that?

        • 300
          nell says:

          Not to worry balls, at least your boy can forget for the day that labour is fast losing its grip on the election in scotland and the snp are racing ahead.

          • Rocking in the Westminster aisles says:

            Hooray! EU cocksucking Labour to replaced by EU cocksucking SNP.

          • nell says:

            If the snp was able to bring about the independence of scotland that would relieve we english of the cost of the barnett formula foisted upon us by the last labour govt.

            Bring it on I say!

    • 298
      Southern Softy says:

      Dead Ed in tails.
      I just know he’s going to look like Groucho Marx.
      I want eyebrows and a moustache on all pictures.

  65. 267
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Blair and Brown have not been invited to the wedding because they are both lying scumbag shits.

    • 274
      Blake Fielder-Civil says:

      To be fair, i tried to have the wife’s parents excluded on the same grounds, but they still turned up to slag me off.

    • 297
      PD77 says:

      That and the fact that they know of Browns previous form when he went round to parties and “brought” drinks!

    • 389
      Thomas H Rott Esq says:

      No no no no Doc!

      According to Jack Strawbrains on the box – beeb of course; where else?? – this morning “They have not been invited because they are not members of the Order of the Garter. Somebody did not think this through properly when they made that decision to only invite OGs.”

      Au contraire, I think that whoever discovered this beautiful loophole should be given a gong and a promotion. What a brilliant put down.

      I am sure they were not invited because the couple did not want either of them poncing about trying to steal the show on their big day. Good luck to ‘em.

      [That item was followed by prima donna Peston looking and sounding aghast that the cost of the aircraft carriers has risen - but offering no explanation of why they are being built in the first place.]

      • 457
        Tell it like it really is. says:

        Toady interviewer nicely put down whilst he was rubbishing the Royals by intended victim saying, “You may not be a monarchist but…..” followed by interviewer hastily changing tack.

  66. 276
    Harry says:

    I’ve had her.
    And her sister.

  67. 281
    The Ginger Haired best man says:

    I’ve had her.
    And her sister

  68. 283
    Nicholas Witchell says:

    I’m creaming!

    • 292
      I don't need no doctor says:

      Is that Coffee Mate your creaming with?

    • 303
      nell says:

      You meant to say i’m screaming ( as indeed you were across the chamber at pmq’s) and you are angela eagle. I claim my £5.

      • 310
        Ed's growth forecast says:

        I’ve got about a pound and a half i can give you nell.
        Mind you, that is a firm commitment.

  69. 313
    Gordon Brown's street party says:

    Despite not being able to attend tomorrow’s celebrations due to previous engagements, i will be sending the happy couple a small gift assisting them towards their first home.
    Two bricks in a carry out bag should do it.

    • 345
      Southern Softy says:

      Your usual gift comprises:
      1 no. used nappy full of shit
      1 no. fucked up economy
      1 no. delusions of grandeur
      1 no. useless c*unt freeloading on MP’s pay and perks while not turning up at work.

  70. 314
    Jacqui Smith says:

    What’s bukkake? I just read my latest pay-per-view statement and it shows Richard ordered a film called Bukkake Babes 2: College Dorm Sluts.

    • 322
      The Paragnostic says:

      Unfortunately you may never know Jacqui – unless you attend Blunkett’s next soiree!

    • 351
      Southern Softy says:

      Seems to involve some sort of facial Jacqui.
      Apparently it’s good for the complexion.
      Brillo will love to hear you’re interested.

    • 566
      misterned says:

      Ms Jacqui Smith need not worry about bukkake. She is class A1 bukkake repellent. I am quite sure she is enough to make jizz climb back into the balls.

  71. 316
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    O/T but why is that c’unt McShame on Newnight?

    Can the NN team not find some politician with a somewhat better reputation than that scumbag?

    I’m disgusted at seeing his smug face on my TV. Kirsty’s face is bad enough!

    • 321
      Small society in the Big House says:

      “some politician with a somewhat better reputation than that scumbag?”

      Now you’re just being pernickety!

    • 325
      The Paragnostic says:

      Maybe because Mr Matyjaszek was the gobby git who moaned about Tony and Gordon not being invited to the wedding, and caused a fuss for that nice ambassador chap from Syria?

      Is he still under investigation for claiming expenses for his garage?

      The man’s pure scum.

      • 335
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        Yes I know what the agenda was, but the BBC are really plumbing new and unfathomed depths to have that thieving bastard on, giving him oxygen, and treating him as though he was some kind of serious politician.

        • 343
          Suprisingly enough, not many of Guido's windowlickers will be there says:

          Money for old rope.
          Only the British pay up to be shat upon.

          • Old Tory Bigot says:

            WTF is your moniker supposed to mean? Not many, where?

            The End of the World?

            The Revolution?

            The Olympic 200m Womens’ Final?

          • Suprisingly enough, not many of Guido's windowlickers will be there says:

            Events, dear boy, events.

      • 400
        Axe The Telly Tax says:

        Tony Bliar has more blood on his hands than all other living dictators put together. No wonder the mass murdering socialist scumbag and his slotgob wife weren’t invited.

    • 330
      Fishy says:

      Can the NN team not find some politician with a somewhat better reputation than that scumbag?

      No ! The BBC live in a world of their own – with their own values, their own agendas and instead of speaking ‘unto the nation’, speak only to their own fellow travellers.

  72. 323
    Nursie says:

    T. Bliar (sic), C. Bliar (impersonating a letterbox) and G. McBrown (of no fixed abode)….. are the 3 people arrested for protesting against wedding, say sources close to Scotland Yard say.

  73. 327
    Labour might do a Jo Moore says:

    Keep your eyes open tomorrow for any Labour dirty dealings. They’ll probably use the day to bury any embarrassing news about themselves. By the way, what became of that heartless evil c unt Jo Moore? Last I heard she’d become a primary school assistant! Great role model for kids! “And remember, boys and girls, if your mummy or daddy dies, that’s a good time to confess anything naughty you’ve done. Your family will be so shocked by the death, they’ll forgive you.”

  74. 328
    The Paragnostic says:

    Fatbutt’s looking gross on This Week again – it really is time she retired to well deserved obscurity.

    • 332
      Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      I think Abbott is really Prescott blacking up or Eric Pickles in an ‘even fatter suit’

    • 399
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      Just notify the Norwegian or Japanese whaling fleet :-)

  75. 329
    Freebie Cherie says:

    I should be at the wedding! I want a copy of the official programme! And free champagne! And I want the TV cameras to cut to a shot of me every ten seconds! And I want my arrival to be announced in the Abbey! And I want to be seated next to the royal family! And I want a goodie bag to take home with me! Me me me!

    • 355
      Southern Softy says:

      Listen darling, it was a close call whether to hold the wedding in the abbey or in your mouth.
      Just content youself with the thought that if it rains, your gob will make a handy shelter for the Royal Family.

  76. 333
    Yuck says:

    Christ on a bike, Judy Finnegan is a sight on This Week. But next to Fatbutt, she looks ok.

  77. 337
    Suprisingly enough, not many of Guido's windowlickers will be there says:

  78. 338
    • 341
      Suprisingly enough, not many of Guido's windowlickers will be there says:

      Money for old rope.
      You’re either in the big society or you’re not.

  79. 339
    Polar opposites says:

    Very charitable of Letts to appear in a comical sketch with Toilets Maguire on This Week.

  80. 342
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Angela Eagle.

    Hysterical shouty lesbian.

    Calm down dear.

    • 346
      Suprisingly enough, not many of Guido's windowlickers will be there says:

      She seems very calm, however you’re going to have a coronary the way you’re going.

      • 356
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        Oh, ‘calm’ was she?

        Did you actually hear her? Like a fucking harpy on crack.

        BTW my cardiovascular system is tip top.

        • 360
          Suprisingly enough, not many of Guido's windowlickers will be there says:

          Glad to hear it.
          In that case you can continue to play your part in funding the Westminster farce for the foreseeable future.

  81. 344
    Brillo fan says:

    The Grendelmonster just appeared on This Week, as Portaloo said he’s already voted by postal vote against AV.

  82. 347
    Brillo fan says:

    Olly Grendelmonster is on This Week, and Portaloo said he’s already voted by postal vote against AV.

  83. 352
    Maybe with sufficient amount of alcohol says:

    Jennie Bond. Would you?

  84. 362
    Jo Moore says:

    Tomorrow morning would be a good time to bury an Airbus 380 into Westminster Abbey.

    • 364
      That's News says:

      Badly filmed and apparently dear Pammy is unaware that Lord Sutch has been dead for several years.

      Next time, Pam performs a satirical little ditty on why Oliver Smedley (Major, Retired) will never lead the Liberal Party.

    • 382
      Lurker says:

      The Palace of Westminster would be a better choice for the Airbus
      And some collateral on Portcullis house wouldn’t go amiss either.

      • 398
        Axe The Telly Tax says:

        The EU parliament in Brussels or the BBC TV HQ or the Grauniad Media Group HQ :-)

  85. 363
    Do it quickly says:

    As most of the police in London will be in Westminster tomorrow, let’s use the opportunity to get as many muslims to the airport as possible.

  86. 365
  87. 366
    a commoner says:

    It’s days like today that remind the common people of their exact position in this c*un* try. FPTP and AV are mere distractions from where the real power lies. If these royal bastards are useful tourist attractions then they should have NO constitutional role.

    They should have their laughable titles removed, their ‘free’ houses removed and should all ‘ get on their bikes’ and find proper jobs. For the world’s most famous benefit cheats this should be the end but it won’t be and the charade will live to fight another day thanks to the british taxpayer. The propaganda continues. Right royal bastards the lot of them

    • 397
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      So you would rather have President Blair and First lady slotgob at 10 times the cost and minus the tourism pounds.

      Royal Family costs us £30 million a year – They bring in way more than that in tourism alone.

      The BBC costs us £3.5 billion a year – Nearly 1000 times as much.

      When we get the RAF flypast, can’t they go on to drop some daisy cutters on the fifth columnists marxist traitors at the BBC and Graudian Media Group to round off a perfect end to the day.

      I dare some leftie anarchist student scum to try swinging from the flag at the cenetaph or to piss on Churchil’s statue. The scenes of them being torn limb from limb by the crowds would be essential viewing :-)

      • 412
        Voice of Treason says:

        The fucking royals are an excellent tourist attarction better even than Disneyland. But hey fella, they’re a pantomime outfit ideally suited to this decadent prissy little country. Now look at how Germany has progressed – better engineers, better economy, better pensions for the old, better made cars, a clean country with not much litter – now compare with this cesspit of a place. And most of all a better class of people.

      • 413
        a commoner says:

        it’s the constitution stupid!

        I”m more than happy to burn Bliar at the stake and close the bbc

        I do not want a perpetuation of the mythology and the propaganda. I want real choice, accountability and democracy – something we do not have in the uk funnily enough. This is just one example of something that is wrong. The AV vote is another – always getting things the wrong way round – do you really love your MP, the corrupt, self serving bastard one? Want to keep him too??

      • 415
        Lizzie the last says:

        Of all the arguments for monarchy, the tourist one has got to be the worst.

        Instead of a gloried tourist attraction, how about we get a political system that actually works, instead of the self-serving mess of cronyism and corruption we are lumbered with at the moment?

        Other countries manage to have a President that is neither a reviled politician nor a z-list celebrity. There is no reason we cannot have the same.

        This country needs comprehensive, root and branch reform of the entire political establishment. Parliament, lords and monarchy; all have failed miserably in their duty to the country and people.

  88. 371
    Salute to the royal couple says:

    And may the first born retard be a boy retard.
    That’s why Cameron’s in and Brown isn’t.

    • 509
      Ugh! says:

      I’m trying to imagine what your bedsit smells like. It’s lucky for the rest of us that you’ll never be having any children.

  89. 372

    I will be going out to attempt to get pissed tomorrow
    so long as i can find a pub !
    one : That’s not boarded up
    two : that does not have a fucking flag insight !
    three : That doesn’t have a telly !

    what are my chances of that ?

    • 396
      Axe The Telly Tax says:


      four : hasn’t been knocked down to make way for a mosque !

      • 442

        Funny you should say that !
        My mate runs a pub in Bury Greater Manchester
        The Brewery have just sold it to the Muzzies
        it will now become an Islamic cultural center
        makes a change from it becoming a curry house i suppose

  90. 375
  91. 376
    • 377
      Salute to the royal couple says:

      Paying through the fucking nose. For the freeloading royals, the hangers on, the great and the good, the BBC at £142.50 a throw, plod overkill, the merchandising and AV.
      That’s what makes the British special.

    • 379

      Does anyone really give a fuck
      if her dress came from poundstretcher ?

    • 395
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      Royal Family costs £30 million a year.

      BBC cost £3.5 billion a year. Nearly 1000 times as much.

      • 404
        Survival of Britons is far more important than any monarchy says:

        If the monarchy actually did what it was supposed to do and keep the politicians from riding roughshod over the country, then I wouldn’t mind the cost.

        But amongst the political classes there are no longer any functioning checks and balances, and they are pretty much free to do whatever the fcuk they want, with consequences we see everyday.

        The monarchy is at best a failure, like most other useless ‘British’ institution.

        • 449
          MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

          There was a time when if a prospective monarch decided to marry his divorced mother he would have to abdicate
          But Charlie the Tampon changed the rules so he could get his old trout on the trough

          What ever happened to this country ? Monarch’s used to murder each other to gain access to the crown, a bit of good old competition !
          Now they wait for each other to die before taking their turn
          typical of the youth of today !
          No fuckin ambition !

  92. 378
    Salute to the royal couple says:

  93. 380
  94. 388
    Lou Scannon says:

    Will Corporal Clegg be picking up the bill for this AV nonsense once it’s been rejected ?

  95. 392
    • 394
      The BBC ....it's what we do even though we're republicans most of the time says:

      To-day BBC News is closed….our 850 reporters(500 in London)are in Royal Wedding mode……..normal service will resume on Tuesday 3rd May

      • 410
        Ivan Agenda says:

        Talking of double standards the unctious BBC Radio 4 Toady Programmes lefty presenters are out in force today pretending to be pro-royalty – so why do they not interview Bob Crow and Gordon Brown today?

    • 403
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      Don’t confuse unionists with the trades unions.

  96. 402
    Woof Woof says:


    • 405
      Voice of Treason says:

      Although I know it’s a Bank Holiday I didn’t realise that menatl hospitals opened their security areas for the day.

      • 407
        Woof Woof says:


  97. 408
    Lord Sutch says:

    Where are Flanders and Swann when you need them?
    Perhaps Stephanie has inherited the talent?
    Who the hell has a rhino on a piano – could’nt be an Andrew Marr piano – could it?
    I will vote NO in spite of this awful dirge.

  98. 411
    a commoner says:

    …. and as the wanton layabouts and freeloaders gather for the momentous occasion crowds gather to line the streets to watch, not invited or expected to be in any proximity to these nere-do-wells. The police are already arresting people who ‘may’ commit a crime but haven’t yet – the hallmark of a sane and living democracy – with plans to kettle the whole nation by the time of the service begins ….

    fuck the royals and fuck the royal wedding

    • 416
      Some are more common than others says:

      Good …now fuck off back to your squat

    • 429
      labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      Bothers you, don’t it. Does the billions £s of debt run up by sociallism, the millions of deaths from communisim, the endless misery and suffering from religion bother you as much?

    • 454
      Tell it like it really is. says:

      Talking of freeloaders it is noticeable how few of the freeloaders flooding this country to freeload – from the sh*tholes of the world are in evidence among the thousands lining the route of the Royal Wedding. Funny that when they so want to be in this country, if Englishness isn’t the attraction what is? Oh yes…..it’s just the freeloading.

      • 467
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

        Strange situation this jolly !
        some countries who murder their population are told they can’t come
        yet others who murder their population get a seat in the abbey
        who decides which peoples lives are less valuable than others ?

        it’s a strange world !

        • 567
          Sicko says:

          I am told, courtesy of a report on BBC London, that the streets of Ealing (Southall) are thronged with people celebrating this happy event. The local MP (Virendra Sharma, Labour) was interviewed and assured viewers that this was the case.

          Can’t say that I verified this personally, as getting to Ealing (Southall) is a bit of a slog – and certainly the true reason why so few of his constituents bothered travelling halfway across the capital to line the path of the procession.

  99. 417
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    So anything happening today?

    • 423
      Engineer says:

      I’ve heard rumours of a bit of a do in London, somewhere. Something to do with the leaders of the main political parties wearing tailcoats. (Nice to see ‘em relegated to a bit part – spectators to the main event just like the rest of us.)

      (P.S. Best wishes to William and Kate – may they have a long and happy life together. I’m off to watch the celebrations with family – I reckon it’s a day for family values.)

  100. 418
  101. 420
    Carlos Tevez says:

    Ha Ha Niel Warnock, Karma come and bite you.

  102. 422
    annette curton says:

    Tree lined avenue inside Westminster Cathedral with Hornbeams, the bride from Bucklebury in the Shire, just need Gandalf to turn up with the fireworks and a few Elves, and is it that Ring?.

  103. 424
    The Queen says:

    @ Mc mental and B liar

    Revenge is a meal best eaten cold.

  104. 426
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Those vile socialist mongs over at Gruaniad CIF rejoicing because Thatcher is too ill to attend the Royal Wedding. Some with ‘champagne on ice’ apparently.

    What charming people they are.

    If there’s one good thing about the Royal Wedding it is that it massively gets up the nose of the Guardianistas. Fuck ‘em – joyless socialist wankers.

    • 439
      Voice of Treason says:

      Calm down dear – you’ll get plenty of time to rejoice when the old hag has gone.

    • 440
      Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

      its funny , Red edward said other day , Dave had been in power 12 months so cant blame Labour , Yet all the lefties still blame this countries ills on Baroness Thatcher( Get well soon).

    • 450
      Despite all their fancy words about fairness , equality and Brotherhood says:

      No one does intolerance like the Left
      No one does violence like the Left
      No one does hypocrisy like the Left

      • 453
        Voice of Treason says:

        Except for the old hag.

      • 456
        Stop worshiping politicians says:

        What gets up many people’s noses is the personality cult that surrounds Thatcher.

        The left has their Nelson Mandela, you lot have your Maggie Thatcher.

        To non-tribalists, she wasn’t the personification of evil like the Labour lot love to portray, but nor was she some sort of saviour of Britain. For whatever good she must have done, she did real, long lasting harm to this country, something her cult followers will never admit.

        When she passes away, we can expect another Diana moment from the Tory tribalists, for whom their party is synonymous with Britain itself.

        • 460
          Judge a man by the company he keeps says:

          The Left has Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Chairman Mao, Lenin and Stalin.

          • Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

            You forgot Hitler :-)

          • Judge a man by the company he keeps says:

            Rats, I know. I realised it just as I hit ‘submit comment’.

          • Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

            Well so many to choose from :-)

          • A Natural Explanation says:

            There’s a sound reason for this; it’s easier to Nature to create a Left-winger than a Right-winger. Right-wingers have independence of though, greater intellect, the ability to fend for themselves. Their brains are more complex. Rarer.

            Left-wingers are just unthinking parasitic muck that crawled out from beneath stones, dregs, meat with a consciousness and little else, struggling to steal from others because they can’t cope for themselves.

            I can feel a Nobel Prize coming on.

      • 568
        Sicko says:


    • 477
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      If Mrs T was still in
      the EU would never have got to become the federal state of Europe !
      only started to admire her after i stopped working for local government and when i saw the later alternatives !
      only one criticism the destruction of our coal industry !

      • 497

        Tut tut, Frankie! Expected better of you… Maggie did not destroy the coal industry. Just like our car industry, it destroyed itself. Scargill, Gormley, Red Robbo. Maggie simply let the market forces teach them the consequences of their own actions. They became higher and higher paid, through the consequences of striking, until their sections of industry were no longer economically viable and the alternatives became more attractive.

        • 522
          MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

          We will have to agree to dis agree on that one mate
          at the time she brought in Ian Mac Gregor a yank with a track record of axing
          jobs as a solution to making profits
          at the time of the miners strike british coal was the cheapest deep mined coal in the world
          MacGregor destroyed the steel workers unions(166,000)down to approx(70,000) and thus set about the miners which in turn would effect the power workers unions all three off which,along with the rail unions at the time could bring the country to a halt yes they had too much power but the way in which it was done was wrong (IMHO)

          • ARTHUR SCARGILL says:

            Also lets not forget !
            Yes we did indeed pay hundreds of thousands of people to “produce” things in large unprofitable nationalised industries
            now we pay millions of people to do fuck all, but produce the next generation of people who do fuck all !

          • I understand your point, Frankie. There is a problem though, in a situation which does not allow for “dress rehersal”, where a leader has to deal with, what appears to we mortals, an insuperable problem. The use of union power, as a weapon against the government, the state and the people (I remember playing cards by lighted candle during the three day week!), instead of acting in the true interests of its own membership, appeared to be an unstoppable force. Maggie stopped it. In a situation like that, there will be casualties and there were. I particularly remember the taxi driver who was killed by a concrete paving stone dropped through his windscreen from a motorway bridge in South Wales, whilst driving a worker to the colliery. My blood still boils thinking of that now, decades after the unfortunate soul has been forgotten by most, except his family. If any moment defined for me the evil of socialism, this was it. I still respect your view although I view the problem from a different perspective.

        • 569
          Sicko says:

          It’s at this point that somebody mentions that the closure of the mines was a policy initiated by Anthony (Tony) Wedgwood Benn, a Labour minister of the 1970s.

  105. 428
    Voice of Treason says:

    For all the pomp and hype the poor plain lass is never going to have the appeal of the delicious Carla Bruni – you lucky sod Sarkozy.

  106. 433
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    I wonder if Guido will do a speical royal caption comp today?

  107. 458
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m on my way to the wedding! I’m sure my invitation was lost in the post. I’m going to make a speech for the royal couple about prudence and macro-economics.

  108. 459
    Fan of mature women says:

    Mrs Middleton is deliciously MILFY.

  109. 464
    Chavs like Justine shouldn't be allowed to attend says:

    Has Justine Milibland turned up in jeans and t-shirt? If not, why not? I thought Ed said they understand ordinary people and Cameron doesn’t.

    • 475
      The uniform of the unwashed mutant Labour voter says:

      Shouldn’t she arrive in a tracksuit, or skin-tight lycra leggings?

  110. 465

    Stop Press

    **** Royal Wedding called off at last moment ****

    Wills is shacking up with Britney Spears. Kate has fallen for the charms of Russell Brand. (Must be some mistake in that last part?)


  111. 478
    The archbishoprick of canterbuggery says:

    I wonder whose cum is dripping down billys chin today.

  112. 480

    One can’t wait to give one one

  113. 483
    Fuckable says:

    Kate looks very nice in that dress. She’d look better with nothing on though.

    • 500
      Thought for the day says:

      In 13 hours time, Will’s face will be contorted, dripping with sweat as he pumps his baby gravy deep inside her gash, as Kate lies there, thinking of her new vast wealth.

    • 511

      Can’t wait for tonight ! What ho
      my dad say’s Kate’s got a full bush !
      so one wont only be getting one’s leg over
      one will be smoking one’s first splif !
      what ho !

  114. 484
    Fat ugly benefit scrounging muslim cunt says:

    We do not approving of this wedding! It is most unholy! Wedding should only being in mosque and it shoulds be arranged! And the womans should be beaten and punched before marryings! This is islamic country! Do as we saying!

  115. 485
    Anonymous says:

    Plod could have field day issuing the royals with fixed penalty tickets. No one was wearing a seat belt. Those boys should know better.

    • 491
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      They should also have batten charged the illegal tent city set up by all those sad lonely people on a public right of way
      as was done to the peace camp outside parliament

    • 496
      Favouritism says:

      They should have pulled the cars over, checked the tyres, insurance, asked to see the contents of the boot. Given the driver a 7-day wonder.

      Makes me suick

    • 505
      I don't need no doctor says:

      And driving through Red lights.

    • 547
      Anonymous says:

      Tsk, seatbelts not required if not originally fitted to classic vehicles.

      Also OK to run red light when directed to by police, hence the motorcycle outrider.

  116. 486
    Lovely says:

    Samantha looks lovely. Thank fuck we don’t have to endure tree trunk legs, Magda Beard.

  117. 487
  118. 489
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nooooo! I should be there!

  119. 490
    Lovely part 2 says:

    Mrs Clegg looks lovely. I notice there have been no shots of Ed and Justine, thank fuck.

  120. 493
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    we have the other royals on here , The Rajistan royels :-)

  121. 501

    ##*.$$££ /?><|\!`¬¦")({}][+ = -_^^^^%$~@'##

  122. 504
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Just watching the wedding. Must say that the Duke of York’s daughters look as though they are straight out of the Rocky Horror show.

  123. 508
    Gordon Brown says:

    It’s not fair! I got married so you’d like me more and I still lost the election!

  124. 510
    The happy couple have luckily avoided the curse of Jonah says:

    Whatever you may think of Cameron, thank fuck he’s prime minister today and not the gurning mong.

    • 512
      HRH Kate Windsor says:

      I’m rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich rich !


      • 540
        Where's Norman St John Stevas when you need him ? says:

        Get the monicker right for a start William is William Wales not William Windsor(Wales denoting the senior branch of the Royal Family in direct line of succession…any children would be named Prince/Princess X of Wales(not Windsor))… Kate’s title would have been HRH Princess William of Wales but as Wills has been created Duke of Cambridge,Earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus it will be(not Princess Catherine despite what tabloids may call her as HMQ has not created her a Princess in her own right Diana was never “Princess Diane” but Princess of Wales) Catherine,HRH The Duchess of Cambridge,Countess of Strathearn and the Lady Carrickfergus….but still not a bad result

    • 513
      Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

      Yes that is his one redeming feature

    • 538
      Queenie says:

      Can you imagine some selfish pig ignorant lefties ruining the day for everyone by refusing to curtsey or shake hands

  125. 515
    Richard Timney says:

    My wedding day was memorable. After the ceremony at the local town hall, we had a reception at Harvester, and a quick fumble under the table before I went back to my flat to fap to Backdoor Sluts IV.

  126. 518
    Cybil Serpent says:

    Right , that’s more bad news successfully buried.
    Oops ! Did I say that out loud ?

  127. 519
  128. 523
    What a sweet couple says:

    She’s been well trained in the Royal Wave.

  129. 524
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Does anyone know if Mandelson “Crept in through the backdoor “?

  130. 525
    What a sweet couple says:

    It’s easy to be cynical about these things but I think they make a sweet couple. And who wouldn’t want to give Kate one?

    • 556
      Voice of Treason says:

      Not really – she’s not much in the way of looks, rather a plain Jane. Now it would be different if it were Carla…. mmmm….

  131. 526
    ROGER M YOUNG says:

    Some sad bastard paid £78,000 for this dress
    i recon he could have got the contents as well for that sort of money !

  132. 527
    ROGER M YOUNG says:

    Some sad bastard paid £78,000 for this dress
    i recon he could have got the contents as well for that sort of money !


    • 531
      HRH Kate Windsor says:

      That’s a special magic dress. I wore it only once and Kazaam! I became fabulously wealthy!

  133. 529
    Gordon Brown says:

    Don’t forget me. I was human once, just like you.

  134. 530
    MAIL ON SUNDAY says:

    News of the World hack found in Will’s and Kate’s wardrobe !

  135. 532
    Later tonight says:

    Kate, may one shoot one’s load in your mouth?

  136. 534
    Seething at its own impotence, Labour Parteh says:

    Disgraceful British nonsense. If this wedding had happened under a Labour government, there would have been rap artists and break-dancers lining the route.

    • 548
      Britainistan says:

      Are you kidding? Lefties would have said for the wedding to be cancelled so as not to offend muslims.

  137. 537
    ! says:

    In stitches at a toothless nigerian woman on the Mall who just told a reporter the wedding was “abthalutlah pefect!”

  138. 539
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The UK gurning prize is shared this year. Yes it’s been awarded to the Eagle sisters. Well desreved eh?

  139. 542
    Yummy says:

    Loving the leggy co-presenters on Sky News. Just have to avoid looking at fatty Eamonn Holmes.

  140. 549

    One Will be doing one’s best to poke “Her Royal Anus” what ho !

  141. 554
    Voice of Treason says:

    Just been for a few hour’s burn-up in the Scooby. Absolutely brilliant apart from hordes of bikers on the rural stretches. Roads not as quiet as I thought they might be but no signs of plod and their speed cameras. It’s a good day for burglars I would have thought.

    • 555
      Voice of Treason says:

      Can’t believe it! Modded again and all I said was I’ve been for a burn in the Scoooby. Roads fairly quiet except for bikers. Good day for doing something you shouldn’t be doing. No mobile sped cameraas seen.

  142. 570
    GZeus says:

    Larf even harder if you lose.

  143. 574
    Anonymous says:

    Phwoar! I’d love to slip her one.

  144. 575
    chris says:

    Don’t think anyone really understands what the AV means or what it will do

  145. 580
    Mike Stallard says:

    Superb! Well written and well performed.

  146. 581
    Pim says:

    Whatever will get rid of the tories and make them less likley to get elected ever again – that gets my vote!

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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