April 15th, 2011

The Tax Code Truth


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ta is state sponsered theft.

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Can i have a X please Guido , Was meant to be Tax.

  3. 3
    They Spy in the Grauniad Camp says:

    Perhaps he could proof-read the Grauniad.

  4. 4
    Alfiebengal says:

    What acknowledgement to the Tax Payers Alliance who made this!!!

  5. 5

    Having seen this I can conclusively state I know Billy Bowden’s true identity: he is none other than Steve Woodmore and I therefore claim my 2011 Tolley’s Guide.

  6. 6
    Gordon Brown says:

    I cut all taxes

  7. 7
    :) says:

    The x was stolen by the state

  8. 8
    You've been posting 5 billion hours straight says:

    Billy, do you eat, sleep, drink and shit in front of your computer?

  9. 9
    the moneyshot says:

    feel sorry for tax accountants

  10. 10
    Engineer says:

    Good, innit? Guess what – it gets better. Every year, they change large chunks of it.

    Even tax inspectors don’t know their way round most of it.

    (P.S. I gather the whole UK Tax Code amounted to two volumes in 1997.)

  11. 11
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    so Gordon was lying when he said he had simplfied the tax code? No wonder its piss easy to avoid paying tax.

  12. 12
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I blame the cuts :-)

  13. 13
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    You don’t pay attention. When Billy goes for a crap. his missustakes over.

  14. 14
    TJB says:

    Or to Dan Hannan. It’s been up on his blog for a good while now :)

  15. 15
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Gordon Brown the patron saint of tax accountants, gold bullion dealers and witless Labour voters.

  16. 16
    Southern Softy says:

    Reading that is almost a bigger waste of time than Vince Cable.

  17. 17
    Larry the Cat says:

    I am being taxed for my sardines.

  18. 18
    Moses says:

    Slaves to the State!

  19. 19
    HMRC says:

    You can have the head and the tail, we’ll have the bit in the middle.

  20. 20
    misterned says:

    Scrap the lot and start from scratch to write a new, simple, effective tax code that applies to the 21st century and serves the business community and the country.

    I could do that in one sentence.

    “All persons (being human or corporate) shall pay 35% of their annual income, after the first £15,000 pounds sterling, to the state.”

    Simple. easy to do, easy to work out, easy to enforce and easy to administer.

    For my next trick I shall cure cancer and create world peace.

  21. 21
    misterned says:

    Any time that he was talking, you can be pretty sure that he was lying.

  22. 22
    Ampers says:

    As I said once before, they only need four questions on a simple A5 form.

    How much did you earn last year?
    How much tax did you pay?
    How much did you have left?

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Hi mate, I never worked for the public sector but it seems you have much more free time than the public sector worker. Unless they don’t work at all.

    Is hard to believe you being in the private sector, millions of people will love to have a job like yours with all the free time in the world.

  24. 24
    annette curton says:

    650 ways to avoid paying any tax, just claim for everything as expenses, Simples!.

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Billy work for the private sector!

  26. 26
    Osborne (love Ireland's economy) says:

    Less than four years ago he was the richest man in Ireland with a fortune of more than £4billion.
    But yesterday Seán Quinn’s business empire was prised from him, leaving the tycoon facing ruin – and prosecution.
    The 63-year-old – who spent almost 40 years building up Quinn Group – faces corporate governance charges for burdening the company with more than £3.5billion in debt.
    The Irish taxpayer will be expected to pick up the tab for any shortfall.

  27. 27
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ll be making a statement about this to Larry The Cat at 7 this evening.

  28. 28
    Archer Karcher says:

    Not to mention, Quango’s, fake Charities, Union Baron’s, thieving EUrocrats and third world dictators.

  29. 29
    misterned says:

    Scrap all that library of tax codes and then replace it with.

    Keep 15K tax free and tax the rest @35% for all persons (human and corporate alike).

  30. 30
    Smokie says:

    Ha, I heard you told the fees office your main residence is still in Battersea.

  31. 31
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Not to sure about that , agree with keeping the first 15k but i would prefer a flat rate of 10p for all, How much money does goverment really need?

  32. 32
    cricket tooty watch says:

    i dont like cricket, i love it


    very taxing

  33. 33
    cricket tooty watch says:

    hes actually umpiring in the ipl as well, at the same time ffs

  34. 34
    I assume the "eeeergh!" is because she has to resume bearding duties says:

  35. 35
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Aye lad totty indeed.

  36. 36
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Back to dodging Nokias.

  37. 37
    Gordon Brown says:

    eeeeergh, i stunk out the business class toilets

  38. 38
    Gordon Brown says:

    where can i purchase Gentleman’s Relish?

  39. 39
    Larry The Cat's lawyers says:

    My client will not answer any further questions.

  40. 40
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Our female cricketers aint to bad either.


  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    I blame dole paid by the private sector.

  42. 42
    Window Licker says:

    i miss Derek Draper

  43. 43
    Amfortas says:

    Pay ya tax, ya barstewards. I paid mine and now yours pays my friggin’ pension.
    Its a FIXED one so I don’t even get an annual increase for inflation.; and its only half a pension because I served my country – your country – England . That’s because I now live in Oz, one of the most friendly-to-Britain countries you can find; while English chaps living in America, which has been screwing you stupid for a hundred years, get an indexed one. English chaps in Bolivia and in Indonesia – which I bleedin’ fought against in Borneo – get an indexed one. English chaps in friggin’ Afghanistan get an indexed one and we are STILL fighting them buggers. I know, the tax rules are stoopid. So stoopid they could have been written by a Rap singer’s floozie. But they pay what little pension I get so keep coughing up or I will have to retrench my butler.

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Why not 25% after £30,000, people need to live in London without claiming benefits; you need at least £30,000. Out side London they could reduce it; Hull £10,000.

  45. 45
    Socialists have hypocricy in their DNA says:

    O/T Margaret Hodge has the brass neck to come on BBC News Channel to criticise the government over the shortage of spares for Typhoon Jets…get yer facts right luv…this dates from an original decision taken regarding the Typhoon’s Role in 2004 and then altered in 2009…..on Labour’s watch Madge….the Coalition just had to deal wi the aftermath of your government’s decisions…much like the present economic mess that you eft behind

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    What about Tory mates like Lord Ashcroft, Mr Green and his wife, Bankers, etc? Do expect them to pay tax as well? Come on it will be unfair!

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Start guessing what work Billy does in the private sector? He is not answering.

  48. 48
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    What law have they broken?

  49. 49
    Engineer says:

    Well try and throw more accurately, then.

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    That is the problem; they pay money to the political parties so that they don’t pay tax while we are forced to pay tax.

  51. 51
    Jocky Jock says:

    He puts cards in phone boxes.

  52. 52
    Jocky Jock says:

    £100,000,000 for services and £100,000,000,000,000 for administration

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Cannot be that, he is in front of the computer all the time. What about *orn star on the net? Might be, its private sector and you can be in front of the computer all the time. The problem is acting takes time.

    Dole might be a better guess, but its not private sector.

  54. 54
    AC1 says:

    He could get it right, and tax land-values, patents and copyrights instead of incomes.

  55. 55
    Gooey Blob says:

    *** Heads-up alert ***

    Margaret Hodge is on Sky News complaining about 3 Typhoon aircraft that were grounded. She went on to say that each cost £170 million, and that with 3 grounded that meant £400 million was going to waste… No wonder Labour destroyed the country’s finances if their MPs think 3 x 170 = 400.

    It’s worth videoing the clip to put on YouTube. Unfortunately, I can’t get to any recording equipment at the moment.

  56. 56
    AC1 says:

    So you’re saying that being a citizen means you’re a 35% slave?

  57. 57
    DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells says:

    It’s no longer a simple tax system then, everyone should be treated the same, otherwise you’ll soon find thousands of people claiming that they are a special case like MPs and bankers.

  58. 58
    Clowns Browns Twit watch says:

    Eeeeergh! We do not want to work behind the till of The Save The Children charity shop. Even if that is all we are cut out for. Besides we would not make a profit! Eeeergh!

  59. 59
    Gooey Blob says:

    Indeed. She also stated that each cost 170 million, and that meant that 400 million was going to waste. As every Labour politician knows, 3 x 170 = 400.

    Worth recording and putting up on YouTube if anybody gets a chance to record it. I couldn’t believe it the first time, but Sky have now repeated the clip. She definitely said 3 x 170 = 400.

  60. 60
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    Bravo Ned. simple solution. My own take is “20% of every penny of income, and 20% of every penny you spend. No ifs, no buts. If you are caught cheating, a 1000% fine of the sum cheated, or a flat £100,000 if the fine is less than £100,000″. with a bit of editing, you could even get the complete UK tax code into a single tweet.

    Applies to mega-corps, small businesses, rich people, poor people and benefits maggots.

  61. 61
    LarrysMotors says:

    £400 million second hand value

  62. 62
    Labour Slogan says:

    You will always be in Red with the Brown ‘Ed!

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:


  64. 64
    misterned says:

    Ever heard of Lord Paul?

  65. 65
    Smokie says:

    Out on the tiles every night at the taxpayers expense with a floozy, what’s his rat count then?, we should be told.

  66. 66
    misterned says:


    Sounds like a plan… A tax code which could fit into a tweet! Can’t get simpler than that!

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Why 20% on what you spend? Just 20% or 25%, after £30,000.

  68. 68
    misterned says:

    it’s an improvement on what we have now.

  69. 69
    misterned says:

    Did the BBC remind her that the reason that Typhoon jets are running out of spares, is entirely due to the decisions taken by the previous labour government?

    I can guess the answer.

  70. 70
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Isn’t it pretty normal to have some of your military kit broken and getting fixed?

  71. 71
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Wouldnt it be a waste of money to have all the spares you ever need always?

    I take it that whenever she drives she has a full set of spare bulbs and fuses, etc.etc.etc.

  72. 72
    Gerry Mandering says:

    Genesis 28:20-22

    God only wanted 10% – the greedy b*stards want it all.

  73. 73
    The Paragnostic says:

    I’m sure the sanctimonious South African bitch could fund some spares from Daddy Oppenheimer’s steel fortune…

  74. 74
    Gooey Blob says:

    I dare say. It was her government that took the decisions that led to the jets being grounded anyway.

    3 x 170 = 400 though… that’s pretty stupid and a long way out. Was there a bulk discount on grounded aircraft perhaps? Such as “Buy two, get third for less than half price”? Either that or £110 million meant nothing to the previous government.

  75. 75
    Wayne And Waynetta's Sugar Daddy says:

    It can’t have been the state, they take way more than 33%

  76. 76
    I don't need no doctor says:

    So has she complained to Captain Bob, his predecesor, Gordon Brown or Tony Blair.
    No mention, what a surprise.
    The BBC did say “past mistakes” but of course no mention whatsoever of Labour.

  77. 77
    sick of hypocritic socialists says:

    … and they say that brown was a ‘Hunt’. Here’s proof that definition needs a ‘total’ put in front of it.

  78. 78
    Lonely Realist says:

    Of course she and the Beeb shits know that’s the case but as ever they count on the thick lefties swallowing it.
    Coalition in power for ten months yet somehow responsible for all the shit of the previous 13 years.

  79. 79
    Lonely Realist says:

    Over and over again the MOD has been shown to be criminally incompetent, yet there’s been no meaningful clearout. We’d be better off contracting it out to Toys “R” Us.

  80. 80
    Lonely Realist says:

    Labour colluded with the MOD incompetents to ruin our armed forces.

  81. 81
    tourist says:


  82. 82
    Pufchef says:

    or the Martha’s Vineyard Deli.

  83. 83
    Queen says:


    BWT – you can’t say that about us – we’re Royals you know!!!!

    Know your place sir

  84. 84
    50 calibre says:

    Thanx mainly to Gordon F Brown, Saviour of the Universe…

  85. 85
    50 calibre says:

    Look out, because there are a lot more MOD Incompetents than there are Armed Forces and the Incompetents have got control of what the Armed Forces get to do their jobs with.

    It has always been thus, at least since Labour came to power. Perhaps it’s high time that trend was reversed…

  86. 86
    Who will pay for government excess says:

    She was on an official visit to Pakistan, supposedly to discuss immigration and see the devastation wrought by last year’s floods.
    But Cabinet minister Baroness Warsi astonished her hosts by slipping away in the middle of the day to attend a family wedding – with her security entourage in tow.
    The Tory party chairman did not pay for the cost of this security when they made a 160-mile round trip to a luxury hotel to join her nephew and 350 guests for a lavish party.
    Extensive security arrangements were put in place ahead of her arrival, with a senior Pakistani police officer inspecting the hall and scrutinising the guest list.
    Hotel insiders said guests were woken early on the morning of the wedding and told to move their parked cars in preparation for her arrival.
    But the Foreign Office made no official mention of her attendance.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    F’d up everything by a factor of ? oh, can’t count either….

  88. 88











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