Friday Caption Contest (Moment of Reflection Edition)
Announcement of recent winners on Monday.
How Mervyn King Lost Bank Battle War | WSJ
BBC Corporation Tax Horror Story | IEA
Sally Bercow Judgement in Full | Mr Justice Tugendhat
Commies Blame Capitalism For Terror Attack | The Commentator
Lord Black v Press Regulation | Guardian
Osborne’s Complacency | FT
DWP’s Welfare Failings | Isabel Hardman
Get Used to Coalitions | David Aaronovitch
Woolwich a Showcase in the Banality of Evil | Fraser Nelson
The Enemy Within | Max Hastings
Muslim Led Military-Style Free School Needed | Toby Young
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Ed Balls stretches credulity by claiming he isn’t ambitious…
“I would love to be part of Ed’s Labour government but what I do next for me is not an all-consuming passion. I’m more bothered, in a personal sense, about getting to grade 8 piano by the time I’m 50.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Thanks for the note Guido , about winners
Here are some people to put names to:
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Article/201009115973022
Good Hunting!
You can start by looking at the upper middle classes and the well off. Thats where the majority of these arseholes will be found
Have not the rich already suffered enough?
‘ere, stop nicking my name you ne’erdowell!
And now for my entry, ooh err:
Is this the ghost of Cleggmas past I see before me?
Nah, just a pair of old knockers that have seen better days.
“I’m unsackable and so is he.”
we have….but times are improving…now where are my swimbos
Doh!
From Michael Jackson, it could have been written for Vince
I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
I’ve Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love
It’s Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No Home,
Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They’re Not Alone?
Mirror mirror on the door
Who is the biggest tosser of them all?
Staring election defeat in the face……….
What a twat. Doh, it’s me!!
Rachel, who is this person staring at me through the window??
Vince, dark prince
No Cable, Cameron cannot be PM. To be PM Cameron will even lick Cables *ss.
Tell us what you do in the private sector? You seems to be free all day for months.
Hmmmm, shall I go nuclear today? It will get me in the news for a bit?
they’re right I don’t only sound like a silly old c’unt
Vince…”Of course anyone can come in under the coalition just like under Labour, nothing’s really changed” …other voice ….”err Mr Cable you are talking to your reflection”
who is that senile old fart looking at me?
I think he’s stalking me
Mr Pickle.
“This isnt what it was cracked upto be”
“Who is that i am looking at”
I can see dead people.
Winner
indeed
Genius, read no further.
“It wasnt meant to be like this”
‘We could bring down the government, you and me’.
The future Black Rod gets in some early practice at knocking on doors.
Is this a wanker I see before me?
Dave showed me the door.
He cocked that up too.
Staring into oblivion
“well 12 months in office and i have started a war with Murdoch, Denouced the Prime minster and made myself look silly, At least i can say i was consistant”
Nostradamus used to spend time looking in a large Black Obsidian Glass mirror to see the future.
Wonder what one sees on opening the Number 10 door?
The Future?
Larry the Cat kipping on a chair?
Why hello Mr Handsome. How are you today?
“No wonder Brown went bonkers after 12 years, I , like the coalition went faster and deeper and managed it in 12 months”
If I used sellotape to stick my lips together, will I look stupid?
Angels and ministers of grace defend us!
Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn’d,
Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,
Be thy intents wicked or charitable,
Thou comest in such a questionable shape
That I will speak to thee….
One knocker and a pair of tits.
Very good.
Hello, do I know you?
” what do you mean you don’t agree?”
“I used to have princeables, But then i joined the goverment”
“I have principles. And if you don’t like those, I can get others.”
(Groucho Marx, I think.)
I’m Starting With The Man In the Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah)
“Damn, I’m looking ill”
…. said his reflection.
My Birth Certificate? What For?
“Is this where i live now?”
“And since you know you cannot see youself, so well as by reflection, I your glass, will tell you to wind your neck in.” – Will Shakespeare, 21st Century
Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
Vince.
Vince who?
Damn, never thought he’d have the guts to sack me.
Alternatively: -
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Vince.
Vince who?
Vincible ignorance is ignorance within the individual’s control and for which, therefore, he is responsible before God. So I’ll answer to the Almighty for not understanding the concept of cabinet responsibility.
“At least i get sense talking to the door”
pleeeease! let me in.
“When they said they were going to show me the door, I didnt expect this!”
“Of course you know me …. I’m the Business Secretary”
It’s Marley’s ghost come back to haunt me
“Must get this painter and decorator’s details, he really knows his stuff.”
“Are you my future? A pale shadow of my former magnificence?”
Cable (to his reflection): “We are in, Vince (ible!)”
Also…why does the photograph show Vince Cable from behind, but the reflection is clearly that of Sir Ming…? In a similar way, does Sir David Steel look in the mirror and see Jeremy Thorpe scowling back…?
no scott’s dog
Vince’s coalition partner
The Ghost of Business Past was none-too-pleased with Dr Cable’s comments
Is that mr bean I see before me!!
‘Come on Dave, open up, I was only joking.’
George, let me back in mate. George! Oh, you c’unt! Be like that, then.
We don’t you & I start a new party called the Limp Cables?
“Well i have pissed murdoch off, pissed the PM off , Looked a complate tit but the good news is, I am not a vampire!”
The Door: “When you stare into the void, the void stares back”.
Avoid the stare, lest you be pushed down it
Don’t stare back you might inflame him…
“Hello, Vince. There are two sides to your personality; the incompetent, gaffe-prone, discredited sell-out Lib Dem Minister and the even more incompetent, gaffe-prone, discredited sell-out Lib Dem Minister.”
“There’s no need to slam the door – I only asked if you had double glazing!”
You’re the only one who’ll listen to me.
“Hello, is the Prime Minister in? Don’t just stare at me… speak up… oops.. silly me… bit dizzy from that last champagne and waltz!”
“Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the biggest idiot of them all?”
or..
The eyes are the mirror of the a**hole
or even:
The eyes are the mirror of our souls..
‘On reflection, I think I made a mistake. Can I come back in? Please? Hello?…..’
‘an empty car pulled up outside No.10 and out stepped Vince Cable’!
The Cable Guy
Dave has a new apartment, and decides to slip the Cable guy (Vince) an AV referendum for joining his coalition. Dave then fakes an interest in Vince’s policies. When Dave no longer wants to be Vince’s friend, Vince goes on an all out assault to ruin Dave’s life.
With hilarious consequences.
IMDb – The Cable Guy -{2010}
running time – 372 days
2.5 stars / 10
“Hi , I am from the goverment and i am here to help.”
Who are you?
vincent looked at his reflection in the door and saw a black version of himself and realised that cameron was right, for those with darker skins unemployment was very likely……
Vince only popped out of the BIS for 5 minutes to talk to a journalist about the PM’s latest speech and found that the pass code had been changed when he tried to get back in and everyone seemed to be ignoring him
“Talking into the mirror”, excerpts from “The Madness of King George”
♫ Me and my Shadow walking down the Avenue ♫
‘Cable for Mr Osborne’
“Stand aside or I’ll tap-dance up and down yo ass!”
“Oh damm , I have lost the keys again.”
Before you criticize any man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you are a mile away and have his shoes!!
What’s my PIN number to get into this place.. er.. damn, forgotten again. Oh look, my shoelaces are undone.. What day is it? Mumble, dribble, mumble..
Vince gives an impromptu speech to his adoring support.
“As one door shuts another one will open, after all i can still do that dancing stuff.”
My head is cold – where did I put my immigration cap ?
Welcome to Downing street, please wipe your feet on the liberal democrat before coming in.
The Opposition Shadow
Conservatives open door policy fails to con-vince?
+ 1
like it
Ghost in the machine.
Vince Cable finds the only person in Britain who’ll stop to listen to him.
Vince reflects.
“Well…I suppose there’s always the money supermarket ads.”
“I didnt see this coming!”
Vince began to doubt AV was going to him much good, now he was longer anyone’s first, second, third or even fourth choice.
Looking at my reflection I see that I is black!
At least he has a reflection.
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the vainest of them all.”
“Get thee behind me, Satan”
Only apply if you meet the following criteria:
Aged 16-17
You can keep secrets
You don’t mind calling me Daddy
You are skilled in at least four of the following -
Deep throat
Rimming
Golden showers
Bondage
Snowballing
“If only Lloydd George could see me now”
” Who is that senile old buffer and why is he staring at me?”
Ghost
“My hour is almost come,
When I to sulphurous and tormenting flames
Must render up myself.”
Will S wrote it best!
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour’d rage;
Oh sod it I quit
“Now if I just walk into this door, how much compensation will I be able to claim?”
He was 114 and died in Montana. Can you imagine if Brown lived that long? He’d be blighting the planet for generations to come. Those not even born yet would come to know the curse that is Gordon Brown. Quick, get the fat c unt more of those Kit Kats he apparently loves so much. Stuff his mouth with them till the fucker can’t move.
May 12th 2011.
Note saying “Fuck Off Cable” falls off departmental door.
two faced hoon…
“Do you lead or follow”!!!
Looks just like my black latex outfit
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
Open, locks, Whoever knocks.
Who are the 3 Tory MP’s who are calling for parliament to be recalled? Don’t they know I’m on my hols?!
Is it just me, or does anyone else think that in this reflection I look a bit like Morgan Freeman?
Ah my precious ………… soon the ring will be mine, all mine!
You are the weakest link. Goodbye………..
Stop Press! Murdoch owns Cable Vision.
Political narcissist finds his stagnant pool
“You look just like that old geezer Wavy Davy is too scared to sack.”
Muffled…
‘ Fuck off, we’ve already given’
Vince Cable spotted, clearly unsure, wondering whether he’s coming or going …
“I have always found it much more comfortable to be on the outside looking in than to be on the inside looking out” Memorable Sayings of Vince Cable, p2 (of 2)
“Excuse me in there, I said excuse me! Can you help me? My entry card doesn’t seem to be working today …”
cable does a Travis Bickle “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”
Is it wise to take the risk of allowing prince philip at the wedding? The decrepit old greek fart is so senile, how do they know he won’t unzip and start fapping at the sight of kate middleton?
let me in. I’m missing Countdown.
Upon reflection I don’t think I’ll bother today.
Oh bugger, is that a bogey on the end of my nose?
Through the mirror of my mind
Time after time
I see reflections of you and me
Reflections of
The way life used to be
Reflections of
The love you took from me
Oh, I’m all alone now
No love to shield me
Trapped in a world
That’s a distorted reality
‘Shift it spamhead I’m late’
Just change the name from bickle to cable and every quote fits .http://www.hark.com/collections/trpplyplrc-travis-bickle
How AV works
First Preference – Vince Cable
Second Preference – Cable Vince
You can have any colour you like so long as it’s black
No 10 gives Vince new glossy makeover
Ah, the new ethnic multi kulti vote winning look.
Fuck off to St Vince Island & take your non English speaking, non integrated parasitical extremists with you.
Is this the right address…? Do we still live here?
Who’s a pretty Birdie!
Mirror mirror on the door
Who’s the biggest prick of …
Oh fuck it doesn’t rhyme
Better luck next time.
“Living the Dream Baby, Living the Dream….” And then we woke up….
I met myself coming back
Am I coming or going?
Hello is that the Sage of Omaha?
This is the Sage of Effing Useless here.
I would like to ask you an economic question, so that the answer can be used to regain my lost wisdom and ethics.
Turning up on the first day of his new job Grandpa Vince forgets to wear his postman’s uniform.
Cable could barely conceal his alarm; usually this apparition would only frequent his bathroom and the backside of spoons.
Is that you Jacob Marley?
…and there I see a reflection of lips, normally used for speaking.
Personally I prefer speaking out of my arse!
Vince:
Bloody ‘ell ‘oose that in the mirror? Looks like a bigoted, twisted old Glaswegian socialist.
Mirror: Tha’s right Vince, its youuuu.
Blind man walks into door.
Man to reflection, “Who are you?”
You must be one of those African immigrants that nasty Cameron was targeting
Only one of us has a purpose…. perhaps this door opens?
Yes you’re not bad looking really. I can see why the female reporters always want to interview you.
Is this the right door for First Lib Dem to lave the Cabinet?
Is this the right door for First Lib Dem to leave the Cabinet?
I Am important really I am, my opinion does matter
George, you are gorgeous!
MIRROR MIRROR ON THE DOOR……………………………………….
“Time to reflect upon my future”
Granny Cable’s transformation into Vampire is 90% complete. Soon, perhaps in a couple of weeks, another young and juicy journalist is bound to come along. Indiscretion is unavoidable, inevitable, delicious. Then, finally, the Cable Guy’s transformation into Vampire will be complete. It will be the end that is a strange new beginning.
Cable was uncomfortable with the new ‘Closed Door’ policy.
(Shouting through door): Can I count on your vote in the AV referendum?
“I told you I could do something Cameron can’t – produce a reflection”
“If only I was Harry Worth, at least I’d have a smidgen of intelligence and my own TV programme.”
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away…
Mirror, mirror, in the door frame
Is it true I am viewed as a pantomime dame?
But I am Vince the Prince!
Not Cable the Unstable
There’ll be no P45 dropped on my table
But I wonder how this will all turn out
While my ego sulks and my lips pout
I want all the glory but no responsibility
Surely my dancing is proof of ability?
So mirror, mirror, in the door frame
Please tell me why I am so dreadfully lame …
Knock knock whos there ? A demented old fucker.
Knock knock who’s there ? A demented old fucker
“Winning!”
Thanks to Michael Jackson for the following words… and bare in mind Vince’s reflection.
I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
I bet on black, and got blue.
Ah, the sign says ‘Fanciful Bore’ this must be the place I’m looking for.
Vince Cable finally finds an ally in cabinet.
“I still don’t know if I am coming or going”
Yes to AV campaigner predicts this will be a good address to try
Thats been photo shopped. Vince doesn’t have a reflection
Vince’s Dorian Gray moment….
Proof that a mismatched cable produces reflections.
OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR………………
Everyone’s looking at me!
It should have been me to get the IMF job Gordon’s done me again.
Come on then you twat, open the door for me, I’m a Minister of the Crown.
i will have to get those hairs cut off my nose
“am I still to build the perfect world?”
Mirror, Mirror, on the door. Has there even been a political career fucked up more?
Getting your own back … It’s what happens when you piss in the wind.
Voice from behind the door:
“Sorry, you say you are the Business Secretary? Not according to the list I’ve got ‘ere.”
Little pig, let me in, let me in.
Or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your coalit…in
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!
–Rudyard Kipling
Awful caption, but a most excellent poem.
Cables credibility is a shadow of his former self
Twat !
They used to just let me in, but now I have to knock and the bastards make me wait, especially if it’s raining…
“who is it at the door Smithers, is it the Jehovas again?”
“No sir, its Vince Cable”
“Pass me the BIG gun…”
Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills and President of the Board of Trade forgets how to do a Harry Worth.
I need some more nubile young ladies, to whom I can expose myself again!
Mirror mirror on the wall who is the biggest hypochrite of them all?
“Tradesmen must use the back door.”