April 14th, 2011

Yvette Glams Up

Goodbye boring bob, hello power dye! There was much stirring when Yvette’s glamorous new look was unveiled today:

Talking of spicing things up, it’s the “Best of British” this week in Parliament meaning Union flags on menus and of course traditional British food like today’s, ummm, chicken jalfrezi with hot chillis. The irony of such a dish being served in the middle of the immigration air war was not lost on recess-happy bag-carriers.


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Not Totty watch tag!

    • 2
      edward bond says:

      Is that black figure her conscience?

      • 69
        The Duke of Edinburgh says:

        Whoever it is, he looks like he’s giving himself a five knuckle shuffle right in her ear hole!

        • 86
          Anonymous says:

          Because of people like you, England is going down the toilet. Rater than standing up and saying no to immigration you want to abuse a women. What is the difference between you and a idiot living in a muslim country abusing women.

          Most of you are just pathetic, try standing up and be counted. Because of you lot Cameron will end up letting Turkey in and end up turning this country into Islamic republic. What did you all do when Blair let the Eastern Europeans in? Might have had a go at Blair’s wife.

          • The Duke of Edinburgh says:

            Yes and you Anonymous are the one who will save this nation you are our only hope, only you know the true situation, only you have the answer! God help all with sanctimonious twats like you in charge..

          • WHAT A SCOOP! says:


            You sad, sad fucker.

          • BJGOOD says:

            Somebody cant take a joke, learn the difference you sad fucker.

        • 123
          Lord Mandelbum of Fondleboys says:

          Proof that, contrary to popular wisdom, you can polish a turd after all, but it isn’t worth the effort…

      • 85
        Eds Balls up says:

        She looks so fragile and trustworthy.
        I am off now for my daily counselling session.

      • 131
        ZXCVB says:

        Glamorous my arse, she looks even more like a boy !

        • 152
          Mr Wales says:

          I bet she loves it in her chocolate starfish, I would love to spend a few hours plundering it.

      • 172
        anon says:

        No. She doesn’t have a conscience – she’s an MP.

    • 38
      Up sh1t creek says:

      Yvette Balls is Totty….. are you insane!?

      Watch out for the next IPSA expenses claims for the haircut and make-up as “necessary to perform her parliamentary business.”

    • 41
      R.A.P.E. says:

      Rage Against the Political Elite.
      Use a word that they use to invade, attack our civil liberties and invade countries and wage WAR.
      Fuckin tools haven’t worked out they are being played. Bliar was an actor spending our cash at the behest of his girlfreinds I mean Mandies mates the Rockerfella’s. Get the daft cu-ts into dept and we will rob them of their country, We can take the NHS off them for starters. ha ha. The daft European’s will be next infact if we can starve them they will give us anything. Wnker politicians and Political pundits Lie like basrtds . We dont have to wake up this time as you will be out of your house shortly as soon as we borrow from the IMF at 15%

    • 44
      Gillian Duffy says:

      I’d Plate her

    • 45
      Mrs Bollocks says:

      Tags: Labour, Paper bag, 10 pints beautiful, Tranny, Man Hands, etc.

    • 70
      Here she is in all her "glamorous" glory says:

      Excuse the “for review” across the pic, using an app at work!

      • 113
        Nemo says:

        She looks as if she has lost a a million pounds but found a solitary pound.

        • 118
          Anonymous says:

          Fcuk Me, that’s inflation for you! In my day the saying went; you look like you’ve lost a fiver and found a shilling.

          • Nemo says:

            Well since the early 60′s we have had very high inflation, compare what you could buy with a tanner (21/2p to you) and what the same amount 2.5p would buy you now (cons and liebore governments)

          • Nemo says:

            It used to be lost a pound found a tanner

    • 92
      W.W. says:

      Guido you are being very unkind.

      Talking about this Yvette Cooper glaming up.

      The posting a picture of a pig with some lipstick, and clearly in pain.

      I’m no vet but it looks like it could be badly constipated.


    • 93
      Gooey Blob says:

      I think it’s a definite improvement, a better look than before. If only she could change some of the claptrap that comes out of her mouth. What she does with her eyebrows makes her look insincere, so there’s still more work for the image consultants to do there.

      Of course, Labour spokespeople needn’t think they can surf back to popularity with a makeover and constant soundbites on news channels. They first need to hold up their hands and admit they wrecked the country’s finances before anyone will believe they’ve truly changed and can be trusted to run the country again.

      • 135
        ichabod says:

        Yvette looks permanently run down and tired. I dont think she can juggle all the balls properly; housewife, mother , chatelaine of a property portfolio, MP, shadow cabinet member, etc. Is she anaemic ? You can see why she spouts such impulsive nonsense.

    • 141
      Bled White Taxpayer says:

      Guido missed off the “k” from “dye”. Easy mistake to make.

      Nevertheless, I would. It would give me great pleasure, and sustain the stiffness, to think that I was causing Ed Balls mental grief by shagging his missus. It’s only a fair return for the mental grief that he has caused an entire nation.

  2. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    The only way to deal with immigration is to sercue our borders, to do that we need to leave the EU , I know that, you all know that, Dave knows that and dave knows that we know that and dave knows that we know that he knows we know that. Wake up and smell the coffee.

    Give us the referendum we want and need.

    • 11
      albacore says:

      O unhappy Vince, knickers all a-twist
      Can the poor old relic be Brahms and Liszt?
      There’s no chance that Dave’s going to shut that door
      What he’s peddling is talk and nothing more

    • 65
      :) says:

      Would that be an AV referendum or is it First Past the (Border) Post?

    • 77
      Anonymous says:

      Is it? Cameron think it is by cutting 9,500 staff from border agency.

      • 89
        Call me Infidel says:

        To be fair they haven’t exactly secured the borders, so what’s the point of them? They are glorified stats counters.

        • 95
          Anonymous says:

          Hire some more and put the army in our borders (beaches, ports, etc) rater then sending them ill equipped to fight wars that does’t concern us.

          • Nemo says:

            They are all abroad fighting B’Liars wars.

          • Bled White Taxpayer says:

            No self-respecting soldier wants to guard our borders. That’s why we’ve got civil servant and jobsworth copper shites.

            Send us into harm’s way with an UN mandate. That’s what we’re for.

    • 99
      Leaving the EU is just the start says:

      Unfortunately leaving the EU won’t be anywhere enough. It will still leave Britain riddled with a political class that is at best indifferent to the native population, and at worst openly hostile to it.

      The British establishment will need to be physically forced to make it start looking after the interests of this country and its people.

      • 110
        Anonymous says:

        You all vote for them and there is nothing stopping you from standing in an election. So what the problem.

        • 117
          Nemo says:

          Well said, though the way things have gone in the past few years you would have to someone who has conections, preferably worked in party HQ, and as often said on this blog never had a proper job.

      • 134
        White, middle class, British, Hetrosexual and Proud (No retreat, reload) says:

        “The British establishment will need to be physically forced to make it start looking after the interests of this country and its people.”

        The British establishment has no interest in us,,never has,, ,, they have lied and lied and lied again about the EU,,,we have been served by prime ministers who are little better than Traitors,,,I,m almost including Mrs Thatcher however she at least started to pull out.
        Promised and then cancelled referendums from Blair, brown and Cameron,,yes promised then cancelled,,why ,,, because they are part of the establishment. OH and include our great (we will soon be using the Euro) Queen.

        We have all kinds of oufits trying to get a referendum but its all bull,,, because if people are really serious about getting out of the EU,,is by exterminating the establishment using bullets and bombs,,,its sad,,painful but the only way,,,,,,,,,,,,,,if you want an establishment that looks after the British people first you have to exterminate the current one.

      • 173
        anon says:

        Ah yes, but with the EU scum off our backs we can begin to treat the political class as they deserve to be treated not as the EU say they should be treated. I could see many Romanian Christmases on that schedule.

  3. 4
    capt apollo says:

    you can put lipstick on a ………………… well you know the rest of the quote

  4. 5
    Audemus Dicere says:

    Yvette? Strange name for a bloke.

    That is a boy in the video isn’t it?

  5. 6
    Glyn H says:

    She looks sad; perhaps as the daughter of a mandarin she has at last realised that her principles were compromised by joining that screwball bunch of malevolent clowns called the Labour party and then marrying one of the most noxious endogenous ( remember that little gem?) was one huge ghastly nightmare and that her career is over. Unless she did a full slime move like those creeps Woodward and Quentin D.

    • 15
      The Sheikh Of Arabeeee says:


      Ed’s smelly, unwashed & smeg-rich three-inch “manhood” is rammed up her sphincter.

      Hence the face like a lodging-house cat.

      • 29
        Larry The Cat says:

        I look much happier, especially when Mrs Cameron wears skirts and I curl up by her feet when she’s standing and take a peek.

    • 102
      Anonymous says:

      Better then marrying a lady boy, having kids from some one else and pretending to be a family. Just so lady boy can get elected.

  6. 7
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Doesn’t look exactly happy does she?….maybe Balls has been demanding the conjugal rights again………..yuch!……MIND BLEACH!!!!!

    • 76
      labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      It’s her moodie I-feel-empathy-for-poor-people mush. Pure bollucks.

  7. 8
    Queensferry One Eye says:

    How come both Balls’ have had their facial carbuncles removed? I think we should be told.

    • 175
      anon says:

      It’s all on MPs expenses – used to make them look more electable. Cor that plastic surgery cost us taxpayers a bomb. Unfortunately they couldn’t do anything about the blinking – he’d have to stop lying.

  8. 9
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    At least Labour can claim to have two transgender mps now……..

  9. 10
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    You can’t polish a turd.

    • 30
      Anonymous says:

      Although you can roll it in glitter!

    • 73
      Tapestry says:

      Not a patch on my girlfriend in either hair style.

      As my partner’s a non-EU citizen I can’t get her a visa for a short stay in the UK. Her visa application was rejected today, saying she doesn’t have enough money.

      That’s bullshit. She has an HSBC credit card with credit of thousands plus a bank balance which would enable to stay at The Ritz for a month. The Borders Agency say they don’t believe the money is hers to dispose of. No right of appeal against such lunacy, of course.

      I thought David Cameron was trying to help the economy, not destroy it.

      • 143
        I Sperg says:

        What woz the efnik origin of the bod who interviewed her? ten to one somebody from the so subcontinent called

    • 120
      Nemo says:

      You can when its been fossilised

  10. 12

    ‘glamorous new look’?

    Surely this is just a revisit to the boyish, pixie look of years past. Personally I think it ages her by ten years.

    What is it about Socialist women and their need to degender themselves?

  11. 13
    Anonymous says:

    That’s Tony Curtis

  12. 14
    NotaSheep says:

    “stirring”? but not of the loins…

  13. 16
    Pete Taylor says:

    Her expression suggests she needs a course of Canasten.

  14. 17
    Wan Gok says:

    A slight improvement. Now she has to work on her pathetic personality and thick as shit ideas. I give her 2 /10 for effort. Keep yer bangers in luv!

  15. 18
    Burkha bint says:

    Stick her in a burrkha.

  16. 19
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Why have they got a bloke in the background having a piss?

    • 21
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      Well labour have been takin the piss out of taxpayers for the last 14 years.

  17. 20
    The Observer says:

    Should have been Chicken Ticka Masala, as this is a British invention.

  18. 22
    Slowdown says:

    Never mind the makeover, I just heard her interviewed on BBC and her voice sounded much lower than usual. Voice coaching new appearance = leadership bid. Poor Mr Milliband.

  19. 23
  20. 24
    Vomit says:

    THAT’S glamming up? She still looks a right munter to me.

  21. 25
    Fa Kin Su Pah says:

    Three weeks ago she looked about 57.
    Now she looks about 47.
    She’s got that perpetual look of
    concern chiseled onto her boat race though.
    Get rid of that and I’d take her to the pictures
    if she insisted.

  22. 27
    Shame on you all says:

    Give the lad Coops a break! He is making an effort to get the tranny vote.

  23. 28
    Jimmy says:

    I think we can all agree that Ed is a very lucky man indeed.

  24. 31
    Anonymous says:

    She looks like a moose!

    If you woke up next to that you would do a runner pretty quickly!!!!

    I am thinking Mo Money (Film)

  25. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    And i bet she paid for it on expenses.

  26. 33
    Jane Pilgrim says:

    Am I glam?

  27. 34
    Jonny says:

    Can’t polish a turd.

  28. 36
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    It’s Yvette’s fisrt night at the parliamentary escort agency. I told her to smarten up, trim her pubes and get a vajazzle, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Anyway, she’s had a nice long bath in Dettol, so there’s no trace of Ed’s slime about her person, and it’s only £75 tonight, so roll up men, first served, first cum.

    • 124

      But, Mr Farter-Ruck, what still puts me off is that she still has – cough – equipment…

      • 155
        Peter Carter-Fuck says:

        A lot of clients like that, but if you’d rather not you’ll have to pay the full £150 for Luciana Berger, I can guarantee no unpleasant surprises.

  29. 37
    The English Football Team says:

    We think she looks a tad better but we wouldn’t give her one!

  30. 42
    Doc Trough says:

    Looks like a BBC Bulldyke.

    • 156
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      My client Ms Clare Balding regards that statement as an act of scandalum magnatum. She is the BBC bulldyke, and will not be defamed by comparison to Mrs Testes in this matter. Your remittance of twenty grand (cash, no Gregories) by return, ta.

  31. 43
    Jack Dromey champions Wimmen's rights says:


  32. 46
    No 10 Larry says:

    She looks like a an ugly boy.

  33. 48
  34. 49
    UKCut says:

    You can’t polish a turd

  35. 50
    pundit says:

    She looks like Ed Balls with makeup. Coincidence?

    • 159
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      Not at all. Fat Ed is a most unconvincing tranny, though he carries the Nazi look off well. “Yvette” however is quite passable, more chaps than you would imagine have got a surprise handful, but by then you’ve paid your money and may as well go through with it, you never know, you might like it.

  36. 51
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Coops wouldn’t be any more attractive if she wrapped herself in £50 notes – she will always remain tainted by association with The Slime King.

  37. 52
    Vogue says:

    Its the new, innocent pleading, look. Everyone will be doing it soon.

  38. 54
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    If that is her “glaming” up , then i would hate to see her first thing in the morning.

  39. 57

    Chocolate Speedway anyone?….her words…not mine.

  40. 59
    Wan Gok! says:

    When she is naked, she looks like a plucked pidgeon! Fowl!

  41. 60
    Hope he gets cancer says:

    Sky got Bad Al on to talk about bipolar disorder in relation to the Zeta Jones story. The only time I want to see Campbell’s name mentioned in the news is with the words “Has died”.

    Excuse the “for review” across the pic, using an app at work!

    • 62
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      And the Hunt supports Burnley , They were in the news today as a well known sports star got into a little trouble over some tweets.

    • 63
      Hope he gets cancer says:

      “A feeling of deadness inside” is surely a candidate for quote of the day.

    • 82
      Lord Kircaldy says:

      Under Labour we have some of the worst cancer survival rates in the western world even Albania and Romania have better outcomes.

      We chose to have other political priorities.

      So maybe your wish could come true and Alister Campbell could become another NHS statistic.

      No more Boom and Bust.

      • 107
        Favourite Frankie Boyle joke says:

        “I don’t know why people have such a tough time getting a seat on the tube. I find that if I start speaking in Arabic, I get the whole carriage to myself”.

      • 108
        Britons must come last says:

        Under Labour we have some of the worst cancer survival rates in the western world even Albania and Romania have better outcomes.

        What’s a few thousand dead Britons when there’s more important stuff to spend money on like foreign ‘aid’, pointless wars, the EU dictatorship and assorted eco scams.

        • 125
          Woodward says:

          He looks haunted.
          Jolly good.

        • 176
          McBroon the Cloon says:

          And money my expenses – don’t forget my expenses for cleaning my flat – and Sarah’s. Well, it used to be mine so it’s almost the same thing.

  42. 61
    Wan Gok! says:

    Bet she is wearing Ed’s favourite perfume. Poison!

  43. 64
    Wan Gok! says:

    She is not the Vogue with that Vague expression!

  44. 67
    s boyle says:

    She’s rrright minger aye?

  45. 68
    The Labour Party says:

    Our election song.

  46. 71
    Mike Giggler says:

    She’s not bad for a politician, but it’s nauseating to think of Ed Balls-deep in her (geddit?)

    • 84
      Phantom says:

      Yeah, and judging by the look on her face, she’s begging for a orgasm as he’s a 3-second wonder…

      My Labrador does a face like that when he wanted to hump your leg.

    • 87
      Fred Trueman's Ghost says:

      Not bad for a politician??? She looks like Anne Diamond with constipation. THIS is what passes for totty at Westminster??? By ‘eck, ‘appens it’s enough to drive any red-blooded Yorkshireman into the arms of a young male aide.

  47. 79

    Goodbye boring Bob

    I knew she/he reminded me of someone.


  48. 80
    Cooper's Dr says:

    Her hemorrhoids are playing up again. Nurse, order more anusol, dear!

    • 161
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      Most of the Shadow Cabinet suffer from the old Farmer Giles, it comes from Grim Gordon the Gurning Gobshite’s habit of fisting them without lube, he was always too mean to spend his wee baubies on a tub of Vaseline, even on expenses.

  49. 81
    Yves St Laurent says:

    Hmmm? I think we will give the contract to Miss Widdecombe. Next!

  50. 83
    Victoria Sponge says:

    She has no class! Meow!

  51. 88
    BillyBob.....time to ban the burpa !! says:

    A pig in knickers !!

  52. 90
    QWERTY says:

    So we’ve just had the evil fat hag nurses moaning about the NHS and the evil Tories wanting to re-organise the ‘best health system in the world’ (don’t laugh now)

    And yet today we find that we have the most stillborn babies in any developed Country.

    How can this be with the finest healthcare system on the planet? What about those evil yanks who throw babies onto the streets if they don’t have a credit card?

  53. 91
    chubby says:

    She’d make a dildo go limp

  54. 94
    QWERTY says:

    I see the BBC have been attacking Cameron all day over immigration. The BBC are of course fully in favour of Islam taking over the fucking Country.

    I just wonder if the BBC would be so keen on immigration from the EU if the Government got the BBC to fire all its ugly female hags and employ cute blonde Polish autocuties on £10 an hour (well above the minimum wage by the way)

    Anyone want to bet the beeboids (and their Cocaine suppliers) wouldn’t be so keen on ‘multi culturism then?

    • 144
      Beeb TV Ad says:

      If you can’t get a visa to come for the wedding of the year or the olympics farce, get in touch. We feel your pain and need pathetic drivel to keep us troughing.

    • 149
      BBC Lefty alliance says:


      Well said.

      But once again the BBC distances itself even more from most of the licence payers who will agree with Cameron. The BBC is indulging in the usual lefty circle jerk opinion making that the Guardian loves so much as well.

  55. 98
    Edmund Blackadder says:


  56. 100
    Gordon stains his carpet again says:

    I’m rather disturbed by the ad here for the urine stain remover. Is Gordon Brown now a reader?

  57. 104
    YokshireLad says:

    Fucking hell, she looks suicidal. Mind you, the thought of sharing anything with that toad of a husband is enough to make anyone suicidal.

  58. 105
    minusthree says:

    She still looks like a cabbage on a stick.

  59. 106
    Bob Crowe says:

    Goodbye boring Bob! Oi! I wouldn’t touch her Balls!

  60. 109
    Anonymous says:

    From the centre of the action to a conjurer’s distraction.
    These posts are not important.

  61. 111
    Lard Prescott in Silence of the lambchops says:

    Champion. Stick the lad in the fridge, havit for me supper! Gotta keep an eye on my bullmania I does do I.

  62. 112
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yvette Cooper still talking without saying anything. Let’s have some more of that false sincerity Yvette.
    Duffy, Pilgrim and now Cooper, get the sick bucket quick!

    • 126
      the familiar stench of Labour hypocrisy says:

      Love the way she injects are few northern vowels even though she wa raised in a posh part of Hampshire.

      • 171
        DerekSimson'sGraceandfavourmansion says:

        she got bubbled for that on TV a while ago. she went to Oxford by the way.

  63. 129
    gildedtumbril says:

    Immigration Policy? It is so simple. The entire world is welcome in Britain. The stupider, crazier, more diseased and or corrupt the better. And once here getting greater entitlements than the British Aborigine Suckers who fund it all through their great grandchildrens’ mortgaged futures, if indeed they have any.
    Liblabcnukipgreen, they are all pissing in the same pot. Their intention is simply to destroy Britain.
    NO TO AV, It is ballox.

    • 130
      discussing immigration isn't racist. says:

      And don’t forget- if they break the law, kill an innocent child in a road accident or simply fraudulently claim benefits, they are allowed to remain because removing them is an infringement of their right to a family life.
      What a f*cking joke.
      My partner and I do not abide by the law, pay our taxes and lead a decent life for scum like this to take the piss out of the system thanks to grasping lawyers and ridiculous human rights legislation.
      Failing to deal with it is only storing up massive problems for the future.

    • 136
      Tell it like it really is says:

      My vote for quote of the day – goes to Gilded Tumbril.

    • 145
      Beeb TV Ad says:

      Gilded – I just said something similar but the modbot has grabbed it. Well said sir.

  64. 137
    I Hate New Labour says:

    That’s glamorous?

    She looks about as glamorous as her odious husband would in twinset and pearls.

  65. 139
    Millionaire Marxist says:

    Nope. She still looks like a shit on a stick.

  66. 147
    Alan Douglas says:

    Is this “Yvette glams up” and pic an entry into the Fail Blog ?

    Alan Douglas

  67. 148
    Speedster says:

    Goes to show, you can’t polish a turd ……. but you can put glitter on it

  68. 150
    Ed "fuck up, cock up, couldnt run a piss up" Balls says:

    You can fill a whores mouth with hot creamy cum but you cant make her swallow.

  69. 151
    Anonymous says:

    Useless sack of s**t- and that’s her good point.

  70. 154
    Cynic says:

    More Tatty than Totty

  71. 164
    I'd smash Caroline Flint's back doors in, but there are limits says:

    I see the BBC are now accepting that the PM’s net immigration figures were correct after ridiculing them yesterday. It’s just a shame it was hidden away in the “comedy” i-PM part of PM on Radio 4…….

    Meanwhile, I wouldn’t touch I’ve-eat Balls with mine. And that’s saying something: mine’s rank, and has no shame.

  72. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Looks as though she just taken one in the tradesman’s entrance

  73. 166
    Southern Softie says:

    She looks likes she sitting on an ice lolly

  74. 167
    50 calibre says:

    It would take a lot more than a new hairdo…

  75. 168
    Richard Desmond says:

    She could work for me!

  76. 169
    yoostin says:

    I misread the headline as “Yvette Clams Up”. You can imagine my disappointment when I read on.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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