April 11th, 2011

Alan B’stard Says “Yes to AV”


  1. 1
    Dick the Prick says:

    It’s English turnout that’s gonna be the problem. Why will English Tories bother to vote? All the lefty trots will be fraudulently postal voting so I reckon it’s gonna be very close.

  2. 2
    More lulz says:

  3. 3

    Looks like they’ve done a good job of portraying AV as the electoral equivalent of bog-snorkelling. Could be a winner.

  4. 4
    Not a number says:

    Looking at the third act in particular, how dumb do the No2AV people think we are. It’s far less confusing than that

  5. 5
    Eh? says:

    Does this mean Rik Mayall is against AV? A famous actor/celeb AGAINST AV? Won’t his lefty colleagues lynch him?

  6. 6
    Booyakasha! says:

    I thought Sacha Baron Cohen had retired the Ali G character. But he appears to be back in this broadcast.

  7. 7
    Manjula Rasheed says:

    Yes indeeds! I have already registerings 74,561 cousins for the posting votes. A nice man from the Labours partyings came to my door with bag full of much money for me and my 17 wives.

  8. 8
    Action fan says:

    I like action films but I think the ad above for Fast & The Furious 5 won’t appeal to many of the old farts who post here.

  9. 9
  10. 10

    Twats. All of them.

  11. 11

    I’m still waiting for my Twix.

    I’m now so hungry even my fifteenth choice, a pack of Tunes, will do.
    I’m beginning to think it was a mistake to ask Pickle’s to go down the shop.

  12. 12
    Christy says:

    It will be a definite vote NO for me,don’t want to know Cleggiron and his bunch of sandal wearing,tree hugging,opportunistic muppets.

  13. 13
    capt apollo says:

    if its a paying gig actors ethics fly out of the window

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    He was also in one of the anti euro vids when they were about, so could be it isn’t just the fee he’s interested in.

  15. 15
    Dick the Prick says:

    We went camping to the lakes as kids, absolutely stoned out of our fucking tits and lived off Topics and grapefruit juice for 3 days as that’s all the camp shop sold – pretty fucking ghastly combo. Mars bars would have been luxury!

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Nice to see Billy the c ‘unt isn’t first for a change

  17. 17
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    Given how confusing AV is he probably thinks this film is for it. Or against it. Or for it, but against it in the second round but he voted tactically and is therefore for it so long as those whos second favorite choice is being against it come lower than the third place candidates second choice votes.

    AV is so simple it could have been invented my a moron…

  18. 18
    Voice of Treason says:

    Anybody who takes notice of any fooking ‘celebrity’ must have the brain of a sparrow. Why do these ‘celebs’ think they so fooking important that they know more about politics than anybody else – or that anybody but Sun reading chavs should take heed of them!

  19. 19
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    This was supposed to be a reply to No 4. However my second choice was for it to start its own reply……

  20. 20
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    This is a slightly different case than your usually lefty tosspot ‘comedians’ (im looking at you Izzard and Fry..). After all its Rik Mayall acting as one of his characters rather than he himself directly voicing an opinion.

    Perhaps he is just mercenary and just after the money, or perhaps he isn’t a total fucking arse and realises what a huge pile of steaming shite AV is.

    Whichever, I thought it was a pretty good video.

  21. 21
    Available for two matches says:

    Wayne Rooney for Prime Minister!

    He may not no much about ekernomiks, but he’s doin allright, and he nos how to giv an intervew to the tv cameras.

  22. 22
    Tony Blair, 3 times a winner says:

    Yes, the British electorate really are that thick.

  23. 23
    gary neville says:

    fuckin’ right …. get in there

  24. 24
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Maybe we’re confused, but this is the No to AV campaign, and somehow Alan B’stard said yes? Reverse psychology don’t work.

    Alan B’stard would never support such shit.

    Maybe the Tories have been smoking too much shit and not watching enough New Statesman DVD.

  25. 25
    Engineer says:

    In this referendum, can I vote ‘No’, but put ‘Yes’ as my second choice?

  26. 26
    Gordon Brown says:

    I vote for fizzy orange.

  27. 27
    bird with small brain says:

    No you can’t. If your first vote is ‘no’, you don’t want a second choice! But you can do it the other way round methinks, if you put ‘yes’ first, you are saying you do want a second choice,even if it’s ‘no’. Not called bird with small brain for nothing….

  28. 28
    Mrs Doyle says No2AV says:

    Yes 2 AV. It is a bit like wanting to buy a merc but ending up with a skoda. Well a skoda is not a car that anyone really wants. Though buying a skoda with a sun roof it can double up as a skip. Somewhere to dump yer rubbish and used tea bags. Ed Miliband is full of rubbish.

  29. 29
    Deck chairs shortly to be reshuffled says:

    You do know that your just marking time, don’t you? You are aware that everything you ever understood about society, economic activity, law, as well as order, is about to collapse into a storm of panic that will leave Somalia looking a good place to migrate to? Have you yet woken up to the fact that it’s all over for the good ship Titanic Britain?
    But meanwhile, enjoy the street party.

  30. 30
    Joanna Lumley, Tony Robinson and other assorted luvvies says:

    Vote YES to AV!

  31. 31
    Totty Watch says:

    The fit actress playing the teacher can make me vote any way she wants.

  32. 32
    YES TO AV says:

    This broadcast is disgusting! We’re lodging a complaint! In a democracy, only we should be allowed to have broadcasts putting our point across!

  33. 33
    The whigger in the video says:

    yeAH blUD, inniT? don’T be voTIn foR nO Av, yA gET mE?

  34. 34
    A psychotic says:

    Vote for mercy killings and take the coward’s way out Brown…

  35. 35
    Little never was, who jumps up and down a lot says:

    Tony Robinson dosen’t get much work on the bbc, he should try spouting leftism whenever he get the chance. Oh look he’s on again.

  36. 36
    back to basics says:

    Beautiful women of whatever persuasion are the future my friend.

  37. 37
    A Calm Dispassionate Englishman says:


  38. 38
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have a cockroach in a box, he’s my friend.

  39. 39
    stephen fry says:

    My arse is like a blood orange, vote yes to AV!

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Do you call him Ed?

  41. 41
    BOB coCROWch says:

    Right, everybody out !!

  42. 42
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Looks like the Yes lot have done something on Facebook to stop anyone being able to post this. Complained about it being abusive or something.

    Nice bit of censorship.

  43. 43
    Gordon Brown says:

    Hey! Don’t you know who I am, bigot? I don’t care if you’re pregnant. Get out the fucking seat!

    By the way, if anyone asks you about this, just tell them I was polite and that I love women. Got it, bitch? Or I’ll get Ed Balls to kick you in your pregnant stomach. And he would, trust me.

  44. 44
    Jeremy Corbyn says:

    Socialism is the answer.

  45. 45
    AV is my second choice says:

    Rooney is the only scouser no longer selling coke

  46. 46
    EUSSR all the way says:

    A vote for AV is the final nail in the coffin of C’onservatism.
    Dont’cha just love it?

  47. 47
    Elgin's lost his marbles says:

    Why is the referendum on a “first past the post basis”? Can’t we have AV in this? That’ll make it fun to watch the count.

  48. 48
    Elgin's lost his marbles says:

    This “No” film is so bad, it has made me wonder if I may vote “Yes” on the basis that FPTP has given us the mess we are in, and we can’t really be more bankrupt or mis-ruled without official State genocide (rather than the NHS).

  49. 49
    Tell it like it really is says:


  50. 50
    Simples says:

    But No 4 got less than 50% of the replies, so we should take your second choice into account, unless your second choice was already eliminated in the first round.

  51. 51
    Dave. Friend of Herman says:

    With a true blue hue.

  52. 52
    Phwooar! says:

    If I was one of the students in that class, I’d never be late or miss a day. That teacher could get me to do anything.

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Haven’t decided which way to vote yet, but really this is poor – can’t say it convinces me.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Try to repost this to Facebook and you find that it has been reported as “Spammy and/or Abusive”

    Someone has obviously reported this as not being true to the LibDem world-view.

    Let facebook now please.

  55. 55
    Pay up, and play the game says:

    “Haven’t decided which way to vote yet”


  56. 56
    Dack Blog says:

    So… associating the ‘no’ campaign with a ‘Tory’ B’stard. If you don’t geddit you’re a dense sixth former. The blue horse is called ‘Tory Boy’ and the red the more cutesy ‘Labour Lad’. Oh, and some baseball-capped ‘street’ kid.

    Sack the ad company. And do it quick.

  57. 57
    Street kid in video says:

    You startin, blud? What you tryin to say about me tho? I’m da mans round here, ya get me blud? Don’t try it. I’ll mash you, bruv.

  58. 58
    arfer says:

    Don’t forget to count all the second choices though – No means yes

  59. 59
    arfer says:

    Love to see a fight between Mayall and that tranny tosser Izzard.

    (Izzard being a tosser, not someone who tosses trannies).

  60. 60
    Misterned says:

    Agreed. Superb vid from Mayall!!! Top acting!

  61. 61
    Misterned says:

    I am pretty sure that the creator and writer of the Alan B’stard character would have a much better idea of which system the corrupt, self serving bastard would prefer.

  62. 62
    eddi izzard luvs coalitions says:

    Fight for your right to wear women’s clothing!

  63. 63
    William Gague says:


  64. 64
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Voting ‘yes’ to AV would mean Cleggup and his LimpDums would be in coalition with either of the two major parties in perpetuity.

    Everyone would have to agree with Nick whenever he says so.

  65. 65
    Mother of Street kid in video says:

    Tarquin, would you get home this instant! You haven’t done your homework, your room’s a mess and dinner’s in 20 minutes. Plus the babysitter’s due at 21:00.

  66. 66
    Jacob Zuma says:

    After solving de Libyan crisis, i will turn my attention on de matter of AV.
    I think it’s always wise to have a second, third, fourth or fifth preference, but don’t forget de shower afterwards.

  67. 67
    Socialism is a mental illness says:

    That’s what limpdim Clegg hopes. In reality: no. Everyone now knows the limpdims are vermin. Watch the LimpDims get annihilated on May 5.

  68. 68
    Steve says:

    I agree.

    I’m absolutely flawed by this advert. I know the NO2AV campaign is deceitful enough to try and convince voters that the BNP benefit from AV, malicious enough to pretend that changing the electoral system will kill soldiers in Afghanistan and sick children in hospital, but I’m honestly shocked to see they’re quite so arrogant as to appeal to voters with an advert about the stupidity of voters.

  69. 69
    Traitor Camoron's beloved EU says:

    First preference is most important. Unless the vote goes wrong, in which case it’s best to ask again, and get a new first preference. And then possibly another. Or just push through the preferred result.

  70. 70
    Dave's message to the nation says:

    I’m telling you!
    I’m the Prime Minister!
    If you want to have a street party, you go ahead and have one!
    Although not in my street, obviously.

  71. 71
    Pay up, and play the game says:

    Only if the mongs keep voting for the failures of the past.

  72. 72
    Dyanne Fatbutt's privately educated son (because caribbean mums will go to the wall for their kids) says:

    Mummy, may we please have something different for dinner this evening? I am rather bored of that ryce and peeas you always make. Oh, just hold on a moment, mummy, I’m getting a call.

    Yeah, what you saying, blud? Yeah, I’m just chillin at my mum’s. Tellin that bitch to get me munchies, ya get me. I’ll give you a buzz in an hour and we get fucked on that weed you got, yeah? Safe, blud. Laters, yeah. Brrrap.

  73. 73
    Decided voter says:

    My vote for AV will definitely be NO. When I cast a vote I want to be absolutely sure that it will not be for a winning party. With so many variables, how can I be sure that I will unexpectedly assist some undeserving tw*t into a position of power?

  74. 74
    swing voter watching street kid in video says:

    Wha’… I don’t quite… wtf IS AV?

  75. 75
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Does anyone know which way Gordon Brown is voting on AV ??

    I want to know so that I can vote the opposite way to him. Gordon’s judgement was always total crap.

    I know he can’t find his way to the Houses of Parliament any more but am assuming he can at least get his chauffeur and bodyguards to get him to his local Polling Station on 5th May.

  76. 76
    Calamity Clegg says:

    It’s my Party’s opportunity to be in Coalition for generations.

    A ‘yes’ vote on AV is great news for us LimpDums.

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    @ 30 yes so true

  78. 78
    Mike hunt says:

    But what’s the fucking question.

  79. 79
    Anonymous says:

    i’m actually quite bullish on britain’s 10 year prospects even though i’m quite bearish on world prospects. it won’t be very easy but domestically the argument on high debt and taxes is being won and we can expect lower taxes (and debt interest) in five years . i also note a shift in minor public authority figures attitudes to enforcing pointless regulations (eg airport, pubs etc) and see a push back against the crap.

    as europe implodes there should be less eu interference (or at least a clear cut opportunity to leave/massively reduce participation) .

    the benifit bill will be tackled but it is too politically risky right now so the long – term supply side (education mainly) policies are being put in place. the other stuff will come later.

    there will be difficult times but i don’t see a societal collapse in britain – pragmatism runs quite deep in the establishment here and the people won’t accept an authoritarian state. the larger issues is the us where things are getting out of hand and the economy is completely fucked. the british economy may not be in great shape but where else is a safe – haven of the west; europe, us, japan? china russia etc. are still brutal places which is why the world elite live in london even if britain has fucked it up over the last 20 or so years.

    basically quite a bit of pain and upheaval but hopefully back to business – as – usual (low taxes, less intrusive state, decent economy) in ten years

  80. 80
    Maybe 2 AV support by Kenny MacMymindup. says:

    What if your not sure about AV?. What about maybe to AV?

  81. 81
    Ralph says:

    Today is the day No to AV won the vote.
    They did it by distorting the truth, but, the yes campaign is pathetic.

  82. 82
    Jimmy says:

    Are they going to make any adverts for non-imbeciles or is this a core vote strategy?

  83. 83
    Minekiller says:

    It is simple. AV means that the green party get both defence and energy portfolios in future governments in perpetuity (energy being the ‘expertise’ of their existence and defence because of their ‘expertise’ in ‘alternative conflict resolution’) – that is until (a) the lights go out all and / or (b) the one child policy is rejected (c) the country is invaded.

  84. 84
    Minekiller says:

    AV also mean that extremist religious parties are formed (look at places in Europe), so you’ll end up with the The Animal party (see Holland where AV had given these looneys regional govt seats) the Bradford Jihad Massive, Christian Fundementalist anti-abortionists, creationists, Fascists (real ones, not the Blairite New Labour soft-ish variety, Cyclists for lycra and street murder, Nationalists demanding ever more freebies and deep fat fried Mars Bars, more extreme eco-nutters, ‘lifestyle’ parties etc etc. All demanding a disproportionate share of attention and implementation of their whacky agendas in return for their ethics free slice of power.

  85. 85
    Say No and throw this LibDem policy into the bin where it belongs says:

    Depends on your second preference vote obviously….pay attention at the back !!

  86. 86
    Rufus Stone says:

    The question is, “What is the best way to fuck up Britain?”

  87. 87
    Grammar Nazi says:

    It should be absolutely floored by this advert dear boy.

    Flawed is what your post, and incidentaly AV, is.

    AV: so simple it could have been invented by a moron.

    Carry On

  88. 88
    Insane in the membrane says:

    The greatest single argument against AV is Caroline Lucas and the Green Party.

    The morons of Brighton have a lot to answer for and should be punished. Lets deport even more of the nations bum bandits, raving queens and militant faggotry there but also shut all of the public toilets and public parks.

    We then explain to the uphill gardeners that there will be no more cottaging until that deranged socialist hag is swinging from a lampost, preferably live on her precious BBC.

    There are times when people don’t deserve democracy.

  89. 89
    Vote "YES" for a brighter tomorrow for politicians says:

    Brighton is unique politically…it is totally unrepresentative in its politics to the rest of the UK where the “Greens” do not really register nationally in the polls…YET…but I fear that once AV is in operation I expect that to change radically throughout local and national elections………..the electorate will ultimately have even less say in who they elect as a government with shabby little stitch ups behind closed doors and junking their Manifestoes wholesale to get agreement from smaller parties who hold the balance of power(hang though on didn’t that happen last May ?)

  90. 90
    A local council near you says:

    Don’t you believe it…..WE decide such matters….it’s called “localism”…now then about these proposed “monthly” rubbish collections and the £5 surcharge to use your local recycling/rubbish tip

  91. 91
    A local council near you says:

    Has he registered to vote on the electoral register though by October of last year ? otherwise………….. he can’t anyway

  92. 92
    Marianne Faithful says:

    I always liked a Mars Bar.

  93. 93
    Southern Softy says:

    The best way to avoid having your 1st vote tagged onto the 3rd placed candidate’s total, and subsequently re-allocated to the Budgie with the 4th best plumage, is to stay at home and excercise your right to not vote.
    Result every time.

  94. 94
    Southern Softy says:

    I thought she looked like the Flint bint.

  95. 95
    Southern Softy says:

    And end up with Dead Ed as leader.

  96. 96
    Kinnochio says:

    You’re all right
    You’re all right

  97. 97
    Dwayne Johnson says:

    The Rock is in it so shut your damn mouth

  98. 98
    Harry Shearer says:

    A shiny coin to anyone who can tell me where Bastard was a MP for

  99. 99
    helpful contributor says:

    Mrs D, Skodas these days are really Volkswagens in disguise so they are really quite good. Perhaps you were confusing them with a Kia which is not unlike an orange – and quite sour to boot.

  100. 100
    Duo Ball Toynbee says:

    I’ll be voting yes to AV because the No campaign features a wigga talking about roulette. Positively street innit.

  101. 101
    Minekiller says:

    EXACTLY…coalitions are a shambles.

  102. 102
    The Umpire Strikes Back says:

    yes. mayall is a well known tory. sensible boy.

  103. 103
    Disgusted of Neasden says:

    Actually, the message I get from this video is: “Vote No to AV because we’re too stupid to understand it”.

    The analogies with horseracing and roulette are totally inapplicable in any case.

    As for the Alan B’stard sketch, let’s remember that the current coalition was brought to you by the FPTP system.

  104. 104
    Handycock says:

    Although it is my Party’s policy to support AV, I am against it, as it would certainly cook my goose for re-election, if it ever became law.

  105. 105
    Steve says:

    Missed a comma and a full stop there, old chum.

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    was he brain damaged following quad bike accident?

  107. 107
    Catherine Middleton says:

    love the betting shop roulette player…

  108. 108
    Actual Nazi says:

    You know, I killed 12 million people and conquered half of Europe. You’re just whining out talking points you don’t understand on behalf of people who don’t give a fuck if you live or die. I don’t think we really compare, mein liebchen.

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