Up for grabs this week is Bobby Friedman’s new book looking into the world of John Bercow “Rowdy Living in the Tory Party“. The Speaker was a no show at the launch party on Wednesday…
Usual rules apply…
Osborne Gets His Soundbite | Nick Robinson
Moonbat V Chomsky | Charles Crawford
Beecroft is “S**t” | LibDem MP
News of the World Trailed Watson’s Mistaken Mistress | Indy
Shabana Mahmood MP Saves Brum Market | ITV News
Plan a Velvet Divorce for the €uro | Gideon Rachman
Truth About Romney’s Bain “Vampire Capitalism” | Wall Street Journal
Clegg’s Revenge | Nick Wood
Cleaning Out Stables | Biased BBC
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Norman Tebbit has a humble brag:
“We Maastricht rebels were derided and abused for opposing the single currency by the wise, clever, Guardianista soft centre left establishment from whom we now hear so little on the matter.”
Mr Bryant and Mr Watson managing to make the whole hacking affair look like a farce – the more they moan the less I care about the whole subject! So partisan it beggars belief at all costs. They cannot rise above it ! If I was to call the PM a ‘liar’ I would want to be VERY sure.
“No Sorry , I am not Tony , I have more money.”
Lats weeks winner?
(Shhh! The complimentary book never arrived, so he can’t offer it as a prize.)
Slot gob and lotsa gob.
A foul tide flowed from the mouth of the Mersey.
Dave’s having a bad Blair day………………
“Show me some fucking respect you posh bag of shite southerner – if you are the son of Blair, I am yer fucking mam”
“I am sorry I do not speak scouse – Can somebody get Boris to translate and we will see whether he paid attention on that away day that Michael Howard made him take”
No. Just because you look like John Prescott it doesn’t mean you can legally punch people in the mouth.
Dave, did I just see you remove your car keys from the bowl? Why ever did you do that?
Tony has the patent on wars; so fck off, security consultancy is a good little earner in the middle east.
Oh, and I hope the Libyan informer sht does not drop Tony in it- it would be bad for business.
For god sake woman, you no longer get to fuck the Prime Minister……
thats good
…or the country.
Thats BETTER
No Cherie, I’m fucking the country now, not Tony!!
“Well mine is this big cherie, How about it?”
“You can really fit a fist this wide up there? Harry might want to speak to you for William’s Stag-do”
“Madam. As far as I’m concerned you ordered a yard of black sausage, and that is precisely what was delivered.”
Nasty
“I’m more socially repugnant!”
No, I’M more socially repugnant! And I’m the Prime Minister.”
Guess which one is rubbish
Dive in and clap, Dave: John’ll love you forever for the tightening.
We are looking for slotted moneyboxes to collect contributions to clear the debt and were wondering …
Don’t you know who I am.
Son of Bliar meets the witch of Bliar.
No you made the mess
no your husband made the mess
no you mad the mess
etc
etc
“Could you excite me in every possible way?”
“Oh yes- mine’s much bigger than Tony’s”.
“So in real life John Bercow is really this small Cherie.”
“Yes, but what about in this way?”
Go to 5 .54 – who is the MP flicking the V?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0102d9w/Prime_Ministers_Questions_30_03_2011
The bird in the orange, you mean?
Rude cow! Never catch me doing that!
you get a better view of her at 30:17
So do you have as many houses as we have.
‘I see you’re pointing to the left one, so Tony’s the right Tit?’
“I dont care what Samantha says, it was an explicit condition of Gordon’s departure for the Palace that my partner and I would continue to have daily access to the Love Dungeon”
Look, you dont live here anymore, you are going to have to put that back.
*applause* – especially as it’s believable.
Agreed, you can take a girl out of Liverpool but not Liverpool out of the girl.
“So i have to do the hand movements like this to get the message across in a calm way?”
Love is a many splendid thing, especially when the taxpayer is footing the bill.
splendo(u)red
Hello Tony, what are you doing here ?
Have you shagged Samantha at Balmoral Castle like Tony did to me? The sheets stuck together like they were glued together.
Two people with no knowledge of public service, self service yes.
“Tony still excites me after this long , If you want to know why then invade some muslim countries then make love to Sam as the bombs drop , its such a thrill in HD “
Will you be my Ukrainian Nurse ?
So this “protect civilians” stuff about Libya is a load of rubbish just like the Iraqi WMD?
Well my Dutch cap was behind that sofa when we left, and if your children have broken it they can bloody well get me a new one.
Sorry, Cherie, we thought it was a bin liner so we filled it with Gordon’s toys and threw it out.
Did you say 35?
No you said 35?
Hold on, was it ed balls that said 35?
PM tries to calm Susan Boyles nerves before she sings for the Pope
Camoron
That reminds me, it’s time to privatise the Royal Mail.
since we came into power, we have regressed human rights by this much
Camoron and the Blair Bitch both try out Gmail Motion!
http://gmailblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/introducing-gmail-motion.html
Hmmm, thinking that one through….
Giving control of my webcam to a remote and faceless entity. No, I don’t think so.
The remote and faceless entity is Google, renowned for hoovering up personal data. Even less of a reason to let them have control.
Google is an American company, and thus subject to the Patriot Act. So Big Brother in this case is a proxy for the US Government. As grateful as I am to the Americans for giving every Muslim would-be terrorist in Britain a reason to blow himself up in my face, I think I’ll stop short of taking up Google’s kind offer.
What day is it?
Cherie and Dave argue about which PM had the biggest cock.
“I’ve seen the photos and I’m damn sure it was no longer than this”
“Cherie Blair unviels Madam Tussards waxwork of Husband Tony Blair “
Is this a ‘what you will look like in 20 years’ photoshop?
I know neither of them are pretty, but jeez they look haggard !
Mine is this much bigger than Tony’s.
” Well Cherie, we did find one under the bed but it was only this big !!!”
“No, no, no David. It’s OWSE not Hiose… Cansil Owse”
or
“Look Cherie, stretching the remit of war rules is this much, your Tone’s on the other hand is well, let’s say its bigger than the stretch Devine’s doing at the moment”
or
No, David that will not do, Mr Speaker’s a bigger prick than that, and she’s well used to it”
Yo cow-Blair
“I dont care how well hung George Osborne is, or how willing. I came here to get my love wand back. Hand it over.”
Cameron says………….. ‘Chr@st you’re an ugly fecker Cherie, and you’ve got a gob like a parish bread oven’.
now look here tory gobshite WHERE is my baronetcy f^^^ tony’s knighthood hes not a Brit. citizen
“Islam UK recruit scare tatics to get goverment to make all women wear Burkhas”
Liked that one!
Cameron: Labour? Socialists? Red Flag? Does that sound at all familiar?
Cherie: No, it’s not getting through. So let me get this right, the Labour Party are of the political left? Right?
Cameron: Definitely the left. I know I was as blown away as you when I realised myself. Heir to Blair? How silly of me.
Are you sure it was Gordon Brown?
Yes, he was just there a second ago.
It was only a tiny lie when I said ‘Libya will not be my Iraq’
So I just tell the mortgage advisor that you recommended him and that I’m the new Tony…
No, no, no Mrs. Blair. I live here now. You and Tony moved out, then the one-eyed mad Scotsman moved in, and now I live here. I’ll have someone call Tony and he’ll come and take you home.
CB: “Is that your boy Clegg there, on the left?”
DC: “No, he’s trying to stay closer to the centre”.
Yes, but when Tony came to power the National Debt was only this big..
“And that’s when the house fell on my sister’s head.”
David Cameron and Cherie Blair stood next to each other conducting separate conversations with people out of camera shot.
‘ Too right Dave, that Arshavin couldn’t
score in a brothel with a £100 note wrapped
round his charlie’
Cameron – “Thats a lovely diamond necklace you have their Cherie”.
Cherie – “Thanks. It’s nicer than the pearl necklace that Tony usually gives me”!
With this knuckle duster, I thee spread.
“Cherie, I am quite literally gobsmacked; until I met you in person I honestly didn’t believe you’d be able to unhinge that jaw more than about this much…”
So, you think Gordon’s hiding somewhere in No 10 still?
Cameron: “No thanks, I’ll stick with Sam.”
(Deep breaths now) .. “Must not strangle her…must not strangle her..must not strangle her…..”
DC Are you quite sure?
CB Yes after he left office he’s made 30, no more like 40 million
“It was a brick about this big came flying through the window”
CB “Dont worry we had nasty nieghbours as well , gordon had a unhealthy habit of chucking many things through the window”
Cherie: That was the spot where Tony banged me on the carpet and I got knocked up.
Dave: Blimey!. It was only this far away that I did the same to Sam, I thought the carpet tasted strange.
Just like Tony you are doing it wrong. To strangle a rival you have to keep your hands closer together
CB: Did you find the light bulbs? I hid them in that closet.
DC: I don’t dare open it. The kids keep telling me the Bogeyman hasn’t come out yet.
“Argue all you like, Tony told me to pick up Gordon’s Rocking horse and I’m not leaving without it”
CB – When are you going to start waterboarding muslims again or handing over suspects to the americans so they can re-train them as actors in military porn films?
DC – That is not behaviour condoned under the big society
CD – Fuck the big society! It is my right that the gravy train of human rights case against the govt CONTINUES. IT IS MY PENSION!
“Right. That’s it. Step outside, posh boy.”
No, Cherie, you heard it right.
Gaddaffi wants to stay with you and Tony in one of your houses this time.
And they clapped really slowly like this you say? Vicious streak a mile wide those Womens Instituters.
“….but unlike your husband I see Gaddafi for who he really is.”
What about a weekly blow job for a more senior Judge job?
Prescott: Do you like my new necklace?
So to get our troops into Libya say Gaddafi has WMD’s ,worked for tony.
Cherie, “What’s that creature doing in here?”
Cameron, “Look, Larry lives here. He’s staying, OK?”
So what your saying David, is that it was a 13 year total and utter cluster fuck, only portrayed as success by spin doctors who were aided by the BBC?
Gordon had left one this wide in the toilet bowl.
DC. It was so big, Ming Dynasty.
CB. Yeah…..I remember……..I sold it on ebay
“I don’t care how exciting you think he is. After we’ve made the cuts it’ll only be this long.”
And you say Gaddafi has a villa next to the Mediterranean just waiting for me, if I let NATO run the show.
“Usual rules apply…”
I thought we were ALL freakin libertarians …
“What’s really frightening is that you’re beginning to look quite a lot like Ann Widdecombe.”
And that is Cherie speaking.
Bill – beat me to it ! Both hit with the ugly stick & both mad as a box of frogs.
“Look, just tell me, who smeared shit all other the walls in the second bedroom ?”
“The second bedroom ? We let Gordon have that one.”
Rock-paper-scissors doesn’t go to plan
Cherie: Inbreeding was quite common in our part of the world which is why I have six fingers on my right hand – look!
No Cherie!
this is government property and you don´t have squatters rights
Cherie: “My car? It’ll only be ten minutes OK…just need to do some shopping”
“No seriously, you don’t live here anymore!”
If you call my husband ‘Tuscan Tony’ again, I will clobber you with this.
But just between you and me, ‘Miranda’ is soooo sweet. Do you know what I mean?
“Dave, you just have to be more assertive!”
“Well, if you say so….”
“No cherie, your are not the queen and Tony is not the King!”
“No the deficit is THIS big”
(together) “I thought YOU had the nuclear briefcase.”
Cherry : But Libya’s a socialist state. How can you even think of bombing a socialist state?
So did you shred your expenses just as tony did.
CB ” Let me check those nails before we go to dinner Tony.”
DC “Look they are clean and for the 100th time i am not Tony!”
Panto Crowd – “Oh Yes you are!”
dave: “This pyramid you left behind – what shape was it?”
“i don’t mean to be rude but do you realise how much you look like john prescott”
Tony and Gordon were just like that.
” Sorry, but you can’t blame them hiding the pies, you do look a lot like John Prescott!”
Are you saying that when you left All the light bulbs, curtains and door knobs were in place?
Slotgob: “So if you continue to sell out the British to Europe & start as many vanity wars as Tone you will be as rich as him one day”
Have you got Carole Caplin’s phone number?
Tony says can you get him a senior job in the EU, he would like the one Kinnokio had.
my god you’re ugly
so you’re telling me that “the blair witch project” was a horror film and not a fly on the wall documentary about you and tony?
O/T – the Sunday Sport has gone tits-up:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/apr/01/daily-sport-suspends-trading
Or Bust
It’s all on the internet now, anyway. I am really looking forward to the next-generation touch screens.
I was about to say one less newspaper, but then I saw it was the Sport …
Good news for the environment (saving trees) …
cherie: are you telling me that you expect me to return the no.10 silver and china that I took with me when I left?
“I believe you David, but lets just pop next door so that I can try you for size!
“oh do shut up Cherie
Who put me with this woman?
FFS”
Mr Speaker is over there .Please squeeze slowly.
Cherie: We want the cabinet table for our refurbished dining room, the old one is rather too small. So if we swap them, then you can be seen to be doing your austerity thing and we, not suffering from such problems, can seat all our friends comfortably.
“So, i can get both my hands in your mouth and reach down your throat to there….seriously?”
The puppies are only this big. They are NOT for sale!
“Cruella, the puppies are only this big. They are NOT for sale!”
Cherie: Well Dave, I don’t care what you say, my husband is the OFFICIAL war mongering Middle East peace envoy….
No, Mrs, you can’t have Libya as well.
Tony and I found that Gordon used to wipe his bogies off underneath the table. Problem was, when they dried out, they formed a dangerously hard serrated edge. I cut myself on my finger on one, look.
but…. but….but……
NO TONY said do it this way, if you’re son of Blair you’ll fxcking listen.
I was told the pleasuring was only this much
You wouldn’t see me with a Twitter account Dave, the silly old cow.
You really have no reason to worry Cherie. It’s about this long, and easily accommodated by your slot gob.
Dave: ‘Yes, about this big, under the bed at No 10. You mean it wasn’t yours? Well, I wonder who…?’
“Look Cherie, no matter how long you go on about it, it is not Billy Bowdens Human right to win Guidos caption contest.”
Even were he, against all odds, to deserve it. (Leave aside, for the argument, the spellink.)
Look I’m sorry Dave you’ll just have to take that up with the producers of Channel 4 “Wife Swap”…I don’t make the rules !!
My dad’s a scouser you posh Hunt, I’m working class.
“You’re one of those fucking squatters that Tony warned me about”
“No dear..I won the last General Election fair and square so you’re fucking trespassing..dog’s breath”
CB replies, ‘No, you didn’t “win” the election and that’s why you have to have that creep Clegg following you around as if you’re a bitch on heat.’
Dave: “Bercow’s this big and has been missing for several hours”
Cheri: ” Strange you should mention that, sat down some time ago and there has been something annoying up my crack ever since”
That’ll be Tony
When will my Tony be sainted?
…is that really you Cherie or is it Tony in a wig? Remarkable.
No, I am quite sure Cherie, I have seen you mouth looking this wide in photographs!
In a notably crass exchange, David and Cherie trade cruel impressions of each others genitalia.
But is that Blunketts old squeeze in the background?
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40576000/jpg/_40576449_quinn_blunkett203_pa.jpg
If it is then she’s been at the pies.
DC: Go away you interfering socialist piece of shit or my Spad will pepper spray your monging, ugly face!
Dave waited for the perfect moment to smash his ‘stealth’ rock into Cherie’s skull.
So tell me Glenys, what’s that slippery old bastard of a husband up to nowadays?
Yes Cherie you are more annoying than Balls by this much. Shaaaddup!
Dave: It’s no good pointing your finger at me I said your gob was that big and cite “fair comment” as a defence. The fact that it is the shape of a letterbox is purely conicidental.
I’m telling you Cherie we have to tighten the immigration policy – some of them have them *this* big.
(c) Private Eye 1968
DC “So he’s this big?”
CB “And it’s the only part of him that is leftward leaning.”
CB: Allah akbar. If you come any closer I press this button and boom.
Dave: “If it really is this wide, then that famous ‘contraceptive equipment’ of yours must be gigantic”.
or
Dave: “If it really is this wide, then shagging you must be like throwing a sausage down the Mersey Tunnel”.
‘I’m a Bullshitter myself, but I do like to hear a professional, so please carry on!’
DC: And which of the light bulbs did you say is yours?
This is a left tit and you know what that makes you, don’t you?
“Cherie, please.. the nation is skint, lend us some money to feed the children?”
“Fock off you Anlgish git – me and towny urned evree pennoy!”
To demonstrate she really is undead Cherie plunged her hand into her own chest and ripped out her cold dead heart.
OR: Cameron confronts Cherie with photographic evidence that she is a vampire.
Cherie Blair threatens to cut Cameron’s throat if he mentions the Iraq war one more time.
Cherie the Cyborg forgets to wear a scarf and reveals her C3PO collar.
Cameron: So, when Tony visits the Middle East, does he insist you stay silent and wear a Burkha? Just wondering……
The furnace for burning expense claims is in the cellar.
Where?
Third door on the left.
You say …left in that in that bedroom cupboard, pink plastic, battery operated , about this long
“My contraceptive equipment? It’s in that suitcase down there; I never leave home without it, you cheeky boy. You are awful, but I like you.”
“Mrs Blair, I’m sorry I was simply trying to post a letter and thought your mouth was the box.”
“You did a jobbie in the downstairs lavvie – this big? And you want it back?”
“Yes, yes. In the downstairs lavvie, dear.”
No! honestly, I only said your mouth was this wide.
Cam: ‘I assure you, I am David Cameron’
CB : ‘So who did I just kick in the groin ?’
Clegg :’ oooooooerrrr !’
“Madam, I know that Health keep encouraging people to get 5 a day, but I cannot help you personally while Tony is away in the Middle East”
Cameron stumped when Cherie demands to know if her bum looks big in this
“No Cherie , we dont keep Gordon locked up in the cellar”
let me remind you cheree that when labour took office the national debt was only this big.
no cherie i will not pull your finger.
Its OK, we’ve got an ethnic dead centre of the shot.
Nip out for a quickie? ok-but mine is only this long.
“No, Mrs Blair, your husband is not getting a peerage out of me for that derisory sum”
“And then that Bastard Gordon Brown, ghastly man, kicked off and that was the end of it, to be frank.”
look cherie can you stop calling me tony and for the thousandth time i dont know anything about a glory hole
Cameron finally revolts when EU makes wifeswapping compulsory for PMs and ex-Pms.
Cameron. “Have you seen Gordon around, Scottish bloke, brain about this size?”
Cherie “Thats him over there, doing the confused.com advert unscripted…”
Look I’m not interested in Tony’s size and prowess,
Mine’s this big and you’re not getting a poke.
“So as part of the reduction in spending on the police we will be suspending the armed protection of former government ministers.”
“Forkin Jaysus yer cheap basturd. An me an Tone cud be murtherd in our bids by rag-head nutters……”
“Ah, I was coming to the revised arrangements for the pensions of former Prime Ministers……..”
So will you and Tony still be holidaying with your good friends the Gadaffi’s this summer ?
Oh really you will !
And in which country will that be ?
Well Dave it all started as a bit of a joke really !
you know what Tony’s like when he’s had a few !
We were dining with the Gadaffi’s when Tony bragged that he was resposible for the deaths of a million arab’s
Well , you know Muammar’s never one to be second best !
So when i get Tony to the Hague
you will be representing him ?
Yes Slot Gob Your Tony remind my of my student accomodation at Eton !
What you mean posh and upper class ?
No !
That also had a Manky Old Boiler !
Geeeeez you manky old trout
whip upstairs and use my Airbrush !
Cameron:
Listen Bitch, I don’t know who you are or what you are prattling on about but you ARE paying for those canapes..
“We considered hedge-funds for Euan and Nicky, but it turns out property is much easier.”
So you don’t want me to helo you with your wool, now?
So you’ve got an email that says I can make it THIS long?
Let’s just say your husband and Margaret Thatcher were closer than me and Nick Clegg
So let’s get this straight Cherie – there’s this much difference between a Hunt and an arsehole
would love to have been a fly on the wall at this meeting