March 28th, 2011

Dave’s McTory Doom

Guido doesn’t normally delve in to second division politics unless there is a mad power-crazed coke-head on the run, but the Scottish Tories aren’t exactly having a good start to their election campaign. Not only have they had a million pounds of funding withdrawn, they have somehow managed to lose not one or two, but three candidates before their official launch this morning. Those that said their useless leader Annabel Goldie should have gone months ago are certainly having the last laugh.

Glasgow Councillor David Meikle seems to have kicked over the apple-cart, citing the Tories refusal to investigate allegations of vote rigging as the reason he is walking. The other two have left on slightly less noble terms. Last week Malcolm Macaskill, was sacked after past financial troubles emerged and Iain Whyte resigned his candidacy so he could carry on working for the NHS. Needless to say the much touted Cameron rejuvenation of the Tories in Scotland isn’t expected any time soon.

The LibDems aren’t having much luck either. Veteran Edinburgh MSP Mike Pringle has been caught with his hand in the till and Hugh O’Donnell MSP cowardly quit when he realised he was going to lose. And there’s still a month to go…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Lets the Scots have thier socailist paradise, Free england!

  2. 2
    gordon broon says:

    Scottish Tories more useless than the SNP.

  3. 3
    Brillo says:

    They canae do no right, ya ken? They’re frit.

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    As you mention the Lib dems ( Tag required?) , What is happening to David 40k Laws?

  5. 5
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I stand for one of the seats? I’ve got nothing to do and Labour don’t seem to like me anymore. In fact, they seem to have written my name out of recent Labour history. I can’t think why.

  6. 6
    English Voters says:

    Independence for Scotland ! 50 million supporters south of the border demand it !

  7. 7

    “Scottish Tory” is, like “communist libertarian” or indeed “Gordon Brown, MP” a contradiction in terms.

  8. 8
    Nick Clegg says:

    I’ve finished consultations and I’ve decided upon the rebranding of the Liberal Democrats.

    We will be subsumed into the Tory party and henceforth will be Conservatives.

  9. 9
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “socailist worker”

  10. 10
    Mornington Crescent says:

    You know what, I couldn’t give a stuff about the Jocks – a rabble of savages with chips on both shoulders and everywhere else.

    What kind of a backward race shows “compassion” for a mass murderer, FFS?

    Oh, and I see a senior Labour Jock supports what happened in London on Saturday, naturally:

    Let them have their miserable little independence – and see how long they last.

  11. 11
    Bob Crow says:

    Whatever it is, it’s Thatcher’s fault.

  12. 12

    “Guido, in all modesty…”

  13. 13
    John Prescott says:

    Did someone say Mc? It’s got me thinking of McDonalds now. Someone go and get me 500 Big Macs.

  14. 14
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Guido and diet :-)

  15. 15
    Martin Day says:

    “Scottish Tories aren’t exactly having a good start to their election campaign”

    Event Unavailable
    We’re sorry, this Event isn’t working right now. Please try again later.

  16. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    In 2010 412,855 voted Tory, 491,386 SNP, 465,471 LD and 1,035,528 for the Fuck ups.
    You would think that on that basis the Tories would have a few seats, not one.
    The result has nothing to do with the voting system but all to do with The Fuck Ups gerrymandering the boundaries. The Fuck ups got 41 seats!!!!

  17. 17
    eeu to me says:

    Rusty’s Tory party are Conservatives that’s a new one, I thought they were just Liebour with blue rosettes, like the Libs*ites are Liebour except they have a yellow rosettes.

  18. 18
    AC1 says:

    WARNING: Before reading this nonsense please check blood pressure…

  19. 19
    Mr E says:

    Speaking as a sad sccot – its just one year since mcDoom sent packing and guess what the scots will bring back labour… oh no!

    After 13 years of labour and 4 years of SNP (labour polliticans who think scotland would be better as independants – like ireland – opps that went wrong – iceland – opps that went wrong – norway then) and the total collapse of Scottish banking – populus want more more more socalism – which provided 2 aircraft carriers (not no planes and closure of 2 raf bases)…. and nothing worthy to speak of….

    The labour false economy (dont make cuts to defict – but spend spend spend more) is not being addressed

    Guido – unfair about goldie – she a star fighting a tough fight.

    Count yourself lucky that its 4 years to your next election.,.

  20. 20
    AC1 says:

    Do you think the rest of the U.K. could also have a vote on Scottish independence?

    We could then vote to get shot of those 41 Looting Party MPs.

    I think after Scotlands economy collapses things will improve in both countries.

  21. 21
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Question to the Home Sec: could the minster please inform the house of how many arrests have the anti-cuts demos had, Compared to the the Iraq demo and the one by the countryside allence?

  22. 22
    AC1 says:

    They seem to differ more in sexual peccadilloes than in policies.

  23. 23
    Jeremy Corbyn says:

    Socialism will save us.

  24. 24

    412,855 English immigrant traitors,no doubt.

  25. 25
    AC1 says:

    Well Scotland wanted to join the Union because they went bankrupt…

  26. 26

    On average, Scots (and English Northeners) are just nicer and more socialist than English Southerners – dont get angry – it is just a fact – dont ask me why. Of course there are good – and bad – guys in every cross section of every society. Certainly Scottish politics seem even more f****d up than National UK Politics. But – we are all in this together guys. Dont fight one another (or even the foreigners) – fight the system and our inability to change it. We all need peace, security and prosperity. Lets go get it. No in-fighting….

    Alex Weir, London and Harare

  27. 27
    Michael says:

    Someone seems ironically chippy.

  28. 28
    Larry The Cat says:

    I overheard the staff here say how it’s nice it’s been since the nasty angry smelly man left last year. Who are they talking about?

  29. 29
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Damian McBride?

  30. 30
    Taxfodder says:

    Perhaps if the poor old Tories put forward viable candidates (engineers, chemists or carpenters) you know those that actually live in the real world and have a proper job which requires skills they might avoid the normal run of dead beats crooks and spongers that normally seem to infest the party.

  31. 31
    bergen says:

    It’s as much to do with a four-way split of votes under FPTP.The system breaks down under multiple parties and allows the type of results seen North of the border.I’m not how much (if any) diffrence AV would make.

  32. 32
    Larry The Cat says:

    They also mentioned something about removing a rocking horse and fumugating a bedroom.

  33. 33
    It wiz a' Thatchers fault ye ken! says:

    The Tories are just not going anywhere in Scotland. The Scots are bitter about Thatcher.
    The only competent party at the moment is the SNP.
    Labour leader Ian G(r)ay is a wet blanket. Waste of space, Goldie is a cut above him.
    Unless a George Clooney lookalike is leading the Scottish Tories they are going nowhere. No one is interested in their politics. It is all Thatchers fault mentality prevails.
    Rather than waste a vote on Tories many Unionist are voting SNP, not on the basis of independence because SNP are a credible and competent party in power. Many unionists despise the incompetent Labour Party and they vote SNP on the basis that Independence is not going to happen over the next five years. I predict an SNP win.

  34. 34
    Cassandrina says:

    And kick out the Westminster Scottish Mafia and let them get jobs north of the border.

  35. 35
    Sleepless in Kirkaldy says:

    As a voter in Scotland, I just want the Conservatives to get a grip and point out how Scoltland tacking further left at the moment will make things worse. The mess government up here is making of education and enterprise is enough to make you weep. All we get is a half baked blinking Tram project.

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    Very true. The tories used to get seats in Scotland before that bitch fucked the economy and everything else.

  37. 37
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m going to keep saying “piddle bum” every time they don’t give me fizzy.

  38. 38
    It wiz a' Thatchers fault ye ken! says:

    @Sleepless in Kirkcaldy. The Tram project is a Labour Party mismanagement fuck up. Are you really a Scot? Learn to spell Kirkcaldy.

  39. 39
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Of course it is. Never mind the last 13 years complete and utter balls-up which Labour left behind.

    Funny how lefties can’t ever see that.

  40. 40
    AC1 says:

    Lookup Condorcet All voting systems break down.

  41. 41
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    And she never hugged Mad Dog , She bombed him!

  42. 42
    Nursie says:

    Here’s some fizzy orange, Gordon. It’ll make you feel all nice and sleepy.

  43. 43
    I hate tartan faggots says:

    Scotland, Scotland, Scotland


  44. 44
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Are you on a diet John?

  45. 45
    AC1 says:

    Yep. Thatcher ruined all the wonderful things the Labour party did to the country.

    People only worked 3 days a week, they could empty their own bins, we didn’t use much electricity, only 2 month wait for a telephone, the city wasn’t open to any with talent just those with the right parents, debt (and savings) was eroded quickly!

    It was a Marxist utopia!

  46. 46
    QWERTY says:

    Good Nick, we need a Tory party, can we have a vote on getting out of the EU?

  47. 47
    QWERTY says:

    and don’t forget that the Labour party had a green solution back then to getting rid of the dead, they were just left to rot.

    These days, the BBC would orgasm over such a great idea.

  48. 48
  49. 49
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “half a minute ago: “The Guy Newsroom has been invited to join the “new media” team vs the “lobby correspondents” team. Oh yes. Eat mud ladies.”

    Ok what the game and who is on each team?

  50. 50
    smoggie says:

    It’s not a fact, just your opinion.

  51. 51
    legal alien says:

    The Scots tories have the same problem as Labour down South. I just don’t know what they stand for. Apart from being pro union

  52. 52
    GWG says:


    Get yo Go Wnak Glasses. Evertbody gotta have a pair Cookie Boy.

    Woh yoo lookin ah??

  53. 53
    MIdsomer Man says:

    If Scottish Tories would just do the decent thing and vote for the SNP we could be free of Labour forever. Do they not understand the term “Lay down your life for your country.” We in England would be forever grateful for their sacrifice. I’m sure we could set up a refuge camp just outside Carlisle for all those seeking political asylum after Scottish Independence.

  54. 54
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Well said Mr. E, some sense out of Scotland at last. you’re right about Annabel – when you’re surrounded by chickens, you end up covered in chicken shit.

  55. 55
    Sarah Brown says:

  56. 56
    A Scottish Labour voting monger says:

    See that reeking pile o’ shit in the corner. Stick a red rosette on it an’ I’ll vote for it ye ken.

  57. 57
    The Ghost of Stephen Milligan says:

    Tories are kinkier. We are the kinky party. We didn’t go through scandal after scandal to be dethroned by some bisexual Lib Dem. We will fight them all the way on this one. With an orange in our mouth.

  58. 58
    Scotland Til I Die (Which will be 52 years old if I'm lucky) says:

    We have no chips on our shoulder. We have have chips in the fryer along with haggis and mars bars. Stick to the facts.

  59. 59
    Moley says:

    Scotland won’t be the only place suffering from Tory doom.

    Osborne’s Socialist rants along the lines of “The Rich should pay more” supported by Clegg’s desire for more and more taxation, (now on homes again) needs a closer look.

    Even on flat rate tax the rich would pay more, because 20% of £100,000 is considerably more than 20% of £20,000.

    But lets look at the figures under our present taxation system for total deductions from a £100,000 p.a. and £20,000 p.a. Salary

    £20,000.p.a Total deductions. £4275.80

    £100,000 p.a. Total deductions £34,689.00

    Who is of the most value to the Country? Who do we want more of?


    I do not earn £100,000 per year, but if I did, I would be leaving this country pretty damn quickly.

    Is Osborne determined to set up a redistributive taxation system, or does he want to encourage enterprise?

    Do the rich need a Mansion Tax on top of their already penal rates of taxation just to please Clegg?

    Blair got elected by becoming Conservative; Cameron and Osborne got elected by becoming Labour.

  60. 60
    QWERTY says:

    Great shot of Ed Balls meeting Yvette for the first time at University. So sweet

  61. 61
    Archer Karcher says:

    There will only be a referendum offered by the LabLibCon trick, when we have been demographically altered enough to ensure a ‘no’ to ever leaving vote.

  62. 62
    Breaking News says:

    +++++++++Breaking News+++++++++++++

    Exclusive pictures of Gordon Brown (Part time Mp) in a “Man-kini”

    Coming soon.

  63. 63
    Sir William Waad says:

    The Union was the making of Scotland and to a substantial extent England. It shouldn’t be tossed aside just because the Labour Party in Scotland is so corrupt and crap. An independent Scotland would become the Albania of the north.

  64. 64
    Sir William Waad says:

    But then ‘spiv’ is just ‘VIPs’ backwards

  65. 65
    Elvisto says:

    Is there a Muslim connection to these vote-rigging allegations? The area represented by the candidate who withdrew his name is heavily “enriched” and there were reports last year that the Scottish Conservatives were being infiltrated by Muslims.

  66. 66
    John Prescott says:

    Aye! Me GP advised me to cut down from 1500 Big Macs a day. It’s been tough but I’ve already lost half a kilo in 10 months.

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Stand forth, the real monster raving loony party.

  68. 68
    Ed Miliband.. says:

    Quite wight!

  69. 69
    Socialist Workers Party says:

    Why do you all hate socialism so much?! Don’t you realise socialism has done so much for society?!

  70. 70
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Yes , reduced thier numbers what is it now 150 million?

  71. 71
    Archer Karcher says:

    There is nothing remotely ‘nice’ about socialism.
    It is a relentless downward spiral to poverty, killing and oppression.
    No modern political system comes close to the magnitude of suffering and genocide, carried out under socialisms ‘equality’ banner.
    There has not been a single instance of socialism improving the lot of working people over any sustained period, ever.
    But hey, lets just give it one more try, right?

  72. 72
    Anonymous says:

    He is probably being trained for his part in Dave’s Praetorian Guard. In the next few weeks cuts and tax increeases will become very evident, Dave will need all the political protection he can get, but in olden days, the Praetorian Guard turned against their emperor who ended not just politicall dead but physically dead.

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    Ah Gordy, but you wrote off Liebore

  74. 74
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    About 100 years ago they helped, but it’s always the PEOPLE who have to help themselves, not this or that ‘ism.

    Now all socialism is a compleatly bunckrupt idiolgy stuffed with the guilt ridden rich and brain dead poor, open your eyes and look around the world.

  75. 75
    Archer Karcher says:

    Oh I do hope so and a vote to leave the UK too, thank you Salmond. With one bound, the English will be free of the socialist / commielite backwater forever.

  76. 76
    Parmjit Gill says:

    I’d be happy to stand for one of these seats.

  77. 77
    Archer Karcher says:

    Bliar was not remotely conservative, he was a ‘third way’ communitarian, con-merchant. Sadly, so are Dave & Co.

  78. 78
    Archer Karcher says:

    Isn’t it already? Take it off the Barnett Formula and watch it sink into green socialist oblivion.

  79. 79
    Archer Karcher says:

    Ah the joys of third world culture, celebrate diversity, blah, blah, blah.

  80. 80
    Grumpy Old Man says:


  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    As well as a labour cock up-it was also voted for by the lib dums and tories!! Remember now?

  82. 82
    Anonymous says:


    A half baked Tram!

    Now who voted for THAT, I wonder?

    That was done to fuck up the SNP and my, how it has backfired.

  83. 83
    An Englishwoman north of the border says:

    I’d wager that most of you racist Scotland haters are all unionists.

    Its a funny old game.

  84. 84
    PigShit says:

    maybe Gordon Brown could do this job too?

  85. 85
    wondowlicker says:

    is it because they are so hilariously chippy

  86. 86
    LOL says:

    And that’s why her own MPs stabbed her in the back.

  87. 87
    The Golem says:


  88. 88
    Archer Karcher says:

    I have a real problem with Scots. It started in 1987 when a Bonnie Lass laughed at my tiny c*ck.

  89. 89
    jgm2 says:

    5bn quid to buy votes with boats in Labour constituencies. RAF bases closed in Lib-Dem constituencies. Vile, evil, wicked and malicious c*unt that c*unting Brown. So he is.

  90. 90
    robbie says:

    be careful what you wish for

  91. 91

    Now here’s a thing all you stupid English are being taken for a ride …

    See what is actually the truth is with out the billions of tax Osbourne is hoovering out of the Scottish sector of the North Sea and the £1.6 billion surplus that Scotland pours into London’s gaping maw every year rather than being the subsidy junky of London myth …

    For every £100 of tax payers money per head spent in Scotland – £170 per head finds its way to rich London in subsidies …..

    The majority of Scots want to stop handing all our cash and resources to Westminster for them to pish up the wall in the City of London’s latest scam while cutting our pocket money but guess what; your Tory pals do not want us to have a say.

    Lord Forsyth – no socialist you’ll agree has said that Cameron’s current policy towards the Scots is ‘the midwife on independence’ and at the recent meeting in a telephone box the Scottish Tories agreed 3:1 with Forsyth.

    Labour – the Unions best hope – are currently undermining their leader in Scotland at every turn a senior Labour spokesman has called the North British Labour leader as ‘gutless’ as he steals yet more SNP polices and U turns so often he has serial Road Traffic offences.

    The Libdems are as we speak leaking candidates almost as fast as the Tories.

    So here’s what happens if we all get our wish and Scotland becomes an independent nation state again ….. England turns into a financial basket case of Greek proportions as with out Scottish oil and gas to cover foreign currency borrowing all Osbourne’s got left is a massive fiscal black hole filled with yet more QE and the CDOs currently being flogged by his City pals even though these were the very same vehicles that got us in the mess in the first place.

    So Englanders think carefully about what you wish for – especially as we Scots can switch your lights off as well and there’s your increasing shortage of water …

  92. 92
    robbie says:


  93. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Would you give up a good job to be a backbench Tory MSP?

  94. 94
    Salmondnet says:

    You really think it might come true? Promises, promises ………………..

  95. 95
    Gormless Goldie says:

    She’s a bumbling fuckwit and will now have a former Tory standing against the official candidate as an independednt Tory with most of the Tory funding going to him now.

  96. 96
    Paddy Pikey Moron says:

    George Osborne said –

    ‘A generation ago, the very idea that a British politician would go to Ireland to see how to run an economy would have been laughable. The Irish Republic was seen as Britain’s poor and troubled country cousin, a rural backwater on the edge of Europe. Today things are different. Ireland stands as a shining example of the art of the possible in long-term economic policymaking, and that is why I am in Dublin: to listen and to learn.’

    ‘The new global economy poses real long-term challenges to Britain, but also real opportunities for us to prosper and succeed. In Ireland they understand this.
    They have freed their markets, developed the skills of their workforce, encouraged enterprise and innovation and created a dynamic economy. They have much to teach us, if only we are willing to learn.’

  97. 97
    Jimmy says:

    They still have tories in Scotland? Finally some real news here.

  98. 98
    mike says:

    This link is about dear Gordon, and his disgraceful wife

    I hope you can pick this up Guido as I cant find your email address or how to contact you. Mike

  99. 99
    marcus Aurelius says:

    There’s a simple answer.

    Introduce a referendum on English independence, from the Celtic Marxists and from the EU National Socialists.

    There are 60 million of us that would be better off on their own without any of them interfering in our lives, any more.

  100. 100
    I used to like Zim many years ago says:

    Archer, Alex understands all that. Remember he lives in the wonderful socialist paradise that used to be called the bread basket of Africa before some loony native in a baseball cap fucked it all up.

  101. 101
    I used to like Zim many years ago says:

    Yes Moley – but would your new employers in some other country also pay you 100k a year? Just askin, like.

  102. 102
    I used to like Zim many years ago says:

    Would Sir like fries with those magic mushrooms?

  103. 103
    Moley says:

    Fortunately all this is gloriously hypothetical, but;

    If I worked in the Private sector and earned 100K plus I would expect to be globally mobile.

    If I worked in the public sector, there would be no chance of employment abroad at the same salary.

    So I suppose coalition policy makes a lot of sense.

    If the only people left in the country earning 100k plus all work in the public sector, taxing them at 95% is good policy, but we will end up like Cuba, without the sunshine.

  104. 104
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    That wasn’t weight John, you just took the loose change out of your pockets.

  105. 105
    HP says:

    Guido seems remarkably well informed of anti annabel vitriol for someone who hasnt lived here.
    could this be the cold blue furry hand of a certain Guy News News Editor with an axe to grind against the current Scottish Tory Establishment?

  106. 106

    Actually your average Scot’s voter likes Aunty Annabelle and the sensible way she operates at Holyrood. She probably has done more to put a human face on the Tories in Scotland than anyone else. She has become the Scottish Parliament’s favourite spinster aunt, if you will.

    The Cameron’s / Thatcherites hate her because she does not toe their line of anti SNP at every occasion but seeing what that is doing to North British Labour whose vote share at Holyrood is declining rapidly – she’s not that daft – and even with all the hullabaloo the Tories have stabilised at 14% vote share while the Libdems are still skyting down the slide towards oblivion in the latest TNS poll published yesterday – it looks like even a telephone box is going to be excessive accommodation for the Libdems after May.

  107. 107
    Una Purdie says:

    Thanks for your support for independence, it would certainly be great to finally benefit from those oil revenues that are propping up Osborne’s budget right now. Don’t worry I’m sure your friendly Scots neighbours would still bail you out when the need arises

  108. 108
    Edith Cresson says:

    The simple fact is you Tory boys are gonnae get yer bums felt yet again in Scotland.

    Ah thought yis all liked that kindae thing anyway?

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