We have a copy of Heather Brooke’s The Silent State: Secrets, Surveillance and the Myth of British Democracy to give away to a co-conspirator who comes up with an amusing caption. Heather was the campaigner who went to court to get MPs expenses released under the Freedom of Information Act. Without her crooked MPs would still be pontificating in parliament instead of doing porridge. Usual rules apply.
Osborne Gets His Soundbite | Nick Robinson
Moonbat V Chomsky | Charles Crawford
Beecroft is “S**t” | LibDem MP
News of the World Trailed Watson’s Mistaken Mistress | Indy
Shabana Mahmood MP Saves Brum Market | ITV News
Plan a Velvet Divorce for the €uro | Gideon Rachman
Truth About Romney’s Bain “Vampire Capitalism” | Wall Street Journal
Clegg’s Revenge | Nick Wood
Cleaning Out Stables | Biased BBC
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Norman Tebbit has a humble brag:
“We Maastricht rebels were derided and abused for opposing the single currency by the wise, clever, Guardianista soft centre left establishment from whom we now hear so little on the matter.”
Mr Bryant and Mr Watson managing to make the whole hacking affair look like a farce – the more they moan the less I care about the whole subject! So partisan it beggars belief at all costs. They cannot rise above it ! If I was to call the PM a ‘liar’ I would want to be VERY sure.
“Honest , If i stick to my budget growth will go through the roof”
did anyone win last weeks?
If you look closely you can see all the serious taxpayers clearing off into the blue yonder and with them the last hopes of a credible taxation-financed debt reduction program…
I did. I just haven’t received it yet.
Sorry Bill, we thought of using Microshaft for the 2011 census, but we decided to give the UK populations personal details to an American defense contractor instead.
Aaronovitch being the usual prick here
Heather Brooke rudely interupted time and again
Read her book but be warned – you will get increasingly angrier as you do and want to do something about all the fuckers in parliament and elsewhere
Bill Gates tests the mind-control beta feature of Microsoft Windows 8 (World Domination Tin Foil Hat edition)
Heather Brookes, a true heroine of our times. Doing what our paid representatives should be doing, looking after our interests.
Aaronovitch stands up for centralised planning and state control which has always failed. The census is an socialist’s wet dream.
Move your tax base to the UK and we’ll throw in Big Ben. Pay your NI on time you can have Big Sally (Bercow) too.
“Britan might still be recovering from 13 years of socailisim but if you look over there i see blue skies on the horizon”
Red Ken eyes up more taxes, like a true Commie. Taxes is the answer to everything. One million non-jobs created by Labour, and the private sector has to keep the public sector non-jobbers in a fake job.
Ken had to say it though, it’s all Thatchers fault, LOL change the record already!
He’s a Laffer minute.
He’s a laffer minute.
Was that a curved ball?
Billy the truth is not always amusing.
..and I’m pleased to announce that VAT on wallpaper is dropped to 0%.
or..
Soo, how do you get your computers up there in the clouds?
That is what is called computing Squiggle.
Best so far
George “Bill, I’ve spent weekends with businessmen on yachts much bigger than that…”
” If look hard enough you can just make out that its Ed Balls who is away with the faires”
Let me get this right, so it’s Ctrl+Alt+Del? Blimey you’re right, that plane has just crashed..
That’s good as well
Look Bill, up there is were Tat lives.
Is that an Apple?
“Have the French got lost again?”
George I don’t want to buy Britain.
“Go on Bill, what’s that fruit up there? Say it. SAY IT! If you don’t say it, you’re never leaving this garden again! For the love of god, Bill, SAY IT!!!”
purile, childish and had me snorting coffee
Ha!
“Bill, Why are the French implamenting a No fly zone over London?”
“And right about there, is where I plucked my idea for a fuel levy charge from.”
My god , the Brit’s a bigger geek than me!
Microsoft boss finds that MPs also suffer from corrupt file systems.
+ 1
Up there? Oh, that’s Nick Clegg – we told him to wait for Steve Jobs, who isn’t coming..
So, Bill, tell me again how cloud computing works.
” Up there Bill is Gordons and Sarah old room, Health and safety have sealed it off for at least 100 years”
Unlikely Billy:; they never shared one…
I thank God that Sarah Brown has enough restraint not to tell us that Gordon still excites her in every way possible
Windows 7. How about calling it cloud computing Bill?
look! more bills coming through your gate.
Hey Bill. What do you think of my windows?
So, if we and google combine the census with the medical records including DNA samples with everything you hack from people’s private computer files and your chum’s telephone records, we will know everything about everyone!!!
Why is Gordon Brown like Windows Vista?
Noone has yet worked out why it crashes or a way of removing corrupt files.
I showed him Liam Byrne’s note
I described the smell of Gordon’s scrote
But what made Bill smile so sly
Was when I made my iPad2 fly
To the tune of Dumbo.
And whoosh, this nokia flew past. I never knew he was in the House at the time!
Shouldn’t that be “a Nokia Windows Phone”. Very good all the same.
George, Iv’e paid the EU for that sandtrap called Libya when do I get the ownership papers so I can change it’s name to Micrsoft land.
“So Bill , What do you think of my back door?”
That’s Labour’s Debt Mountain over there. Even your £ 38 billion fortune would scarcely pay off one year’s interest on Liebour’s Debt.
“From here you can see Windows 7″
By continuing with the closed source business model devised by you and NuLab I can send IT jobs thousands of miles away in that direction, Bill. Yes, to Redmond.
“So Bill we have to look for rainbows so we can find a pot of gold, we used to have quite a lot until Gordon sold at rock bottem Pr*ce”
Things were about to go downhill, as George rolls out the internationally recognised symbol for ‘Loser’
“Hey Bill, we’re encountering the blue screen of death with the growth strategy. Is a reboot necessary”
Gordon used to have windows up there, but then everything crashed.
“No you have more chance of spotting a dodo than seeing Gordon turn up for work”
Look up Bill. You will notice the RAF patrolling a “no-fly” zone across the UK. That is to stop rich entrepreneurs like you from leaving.
Douglas will show you to your new UK-based headquarters.
With this cute distraction I can lift his wallet!
Look, windows.
I know I’m just a windowslicker.
” The pile of IOUs was locked up in a secret container over there”
You see Andrew Lansley over there Bill? We call him the Blue Screen of Death too.
And in the case of Ed Miliband…the Red Ring of Death !!!!
“My iPod is fantastic”
I don’t care if the last bloke promised a laptop for every family. There’s no money left!
And that satellite is monitoring IPSA. Or at least it was before Windows ‘updated’ last night. About that Bill…
O:”ha ha, made you look”
G:”asshole”
” And of course the rockin horse in the loft was disgusting”
George: “Bill, look up there in the sky. There are your dreams of beating the iPhone.”
Bill: “Yeah, I think I see them next to your growth estimates”
Look Bill another useless Labour twat wannabe MP parachuting their way into this constituency. Can you design some anti- gerrymandering software to zap them with?
‘There we are Bill, the pigs are not only flying but also coming home to roost.’
“My budget will boost growth… Oh look – a pig.”
“Is that your private jet relocating to Switzerland, Bill?”
” Do you fancy coming to the House of Commons for taxpayer subsidsed lunch, Its only over there?”
…and there’s Gordon licking Windows.
Bill, that’s the pile of money I will be sending you for all the useless Windows licences you’ve sold to HMG. Any chance you can use some of it to invent stuff that works? We’re in it together you know.
GO: “Look, a bird, a bee – what’s next?”
BG: “Hey – good tagline!”
oh dear if i employed old Estonian where would i be today, on the street, potless.
“…so for an initial investment of £5bn, the Microsoft logo will replace each of those clocks and its name will be changed to Big Bill.”
Gates Robotics inc. unveils the Data Droid Mk1.
Now we’re giving 10% tax relief on charitable donations in your will any chance you can give us an advance?
“I think you are right , It is Gordon trying to break in again”
Bill was pleased with the first trial of the MicroSoft® FreezRay® device.
Things maybe cloudy Bill but look I can see BLUE SKY.
Bill loses the ‘ best catalogue pose’ competition owing to George’s amazing plastic face.
‘Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business’ ….. nah ! Reboot …
‘What software ! Dodge tax through yonder Window breaks …’
After a gap of 150 years, we propose to re-introduce a Windows Tax.
Brilliant. Gets my vote.
Thank you kind sir. May all your applications run without glitch.
“Not more Bills, When we came to power the pile was that high”
Gideons way for the gates to heaven.
“That’s a tenner you owe me Bill – I told you that whilst I distract the journalists with this hand I could fondle your nuts with the other. Now cough”
‘ Quick look….up there in the office next to Miliband’s, someone in a Nazi uniform’
And here’s William’s latest attempt at a no-fly zone.
John Denver hated George’s rendition of – Grandma`s Feather Bed
A whole formation of flying pigs
Ed Miliband says he hasn’t set out his vision because “It’s about making promises we can keep” http://bit.ly/fMhE7z
“And if you look carefully you’ll see my recipe which I used for the Budget. I’ve named it after you Bill, I called it ‘Apple Pie in the Sky’!!
“Look , There he is , thats Larry”
Osborne: Look Bill Pigs do fly
Gates: Sure George and I dont believe that anymore than I do your growth figures
Smile, Bill, you are on the Street View camera!
You haven’t seen me on my Wee yet have you Bill?.
O/T I see that the BBC is now advancing on Abijydiah as Ben Brown leads the attack ahead of the heavy infantry…John Simpson
“And THAT, my dear Bill, is the tree from which most of Guido’s commentors wanted to hang Gordon Brown from. That same tree is now awaiting the arrival of Call Me Dave, and Cleggiron.”
” ….. And then it comes up on the big screen and the umpire rasies his finger”
It time to put on makeup – its time to set the lights – its time to get things started on the muppet show tonight.
Is there something about Bill that reminds you of kermit …. ?
when is guido adding a rating system – takes ages to read all these and most as poor as mark and lard (rich) on a monday…
This website needs voting – so we read the most popular and not have to trawl thru the labour posted trollls…..
;0
i do tire of all these adds i have to watch to read guido gems……
~What ads… Ad-Block and Firefox = Quick Guido.
That’s Edgar Balls on all that hot air he gives off!
GO: Interested in buying a slice of European real estate at a knock down price before the Chinese get their hands on it?
BG: Sure, tell me about it.
GO: It’s a large rectangular shaped piece of land on the western Spanish border. All reasonable offers considered before I have to squander my Budget savings on it.
“And John Bercow then turned around and looked up to me with this pose”
… and that window up there, yes, second from the left. It is from there that I wave to my admirers.
After my budget, the pound has risen like Apple’s share price.
Why has your m*d reverted to DOS4? On the Caption Contest ffs!!!
Bill, look, all our windows have crashed again!
” I notice your stagergy for growth has failed to work on John Bercow”
And if you look closely,you can see the sun shining out of Ian Kennedy’s backside.
Hey Steve…..what do you think of my transparent graphical interface device?
“With the economic vista bearing striking similarities to Windows Vista do you have any suggestions Bill?”
“That’s where Labour want our deficit to go today…”
Britains Got Tallent – ventrilloquistion fails
As Osbornes mouth moves as his puppet says
“Saaausages”
Come on! Put the lid back on the bottle and sort your autopilot out.
“Of course, this is all blue-tie thinking”
“So i said to Dave , now look here no more money for your Big society BS”
Look a real star up there. It is called Heather Brooke.
Big Ben has not worked properly since Gordon bought a cheap copy of Windows 7 for its computer, which promptly failed Genuine Advantage validation.
“And if you look closely you can still see the dents from all those Nokias”
Bill: Look it’s Travolta’s jet, does that mean he’s paying tax now George?
George: I hope so, Grease my arse!
So, Bill. As my powerpoint presentation will demonstrate, socialism represents a far greater threat to the world than malaria, and its eradication should be the main target of your charitable foundation.
I’ve heard you’re quite charitable… you see there’s this little debt we have…
I have abolished ‘boom’ and ‘bust’ forever … Are those pigs flying ?
Look there Bill it’s what we call a Harrier Jump Jet, with your money you too can have one, plus your very own aircraft carrier.
There is no Intel Inside that building.
“No point trying to bribe me Bill, our laws are made overthere in Brussels”
Bill, if you look up there you can see a row of broken Windows, a metaphor if ever I saw one.
is that a parable?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_broken_window
O – “watch this Bill….. BALLS YOU LOSER”
G – “it would be braver if he could hear you”
Look over there Bill, a person that’s actually bought a Windows phone!
So I trailed a CAT6 cable outside the window, round the corner to Victoria Street, and the Labour Party are now picking up the bill for all our comms.
George Osborne: “Is that Sally Bercow in a sheet at the top window?”
GO: Bill look at the rainbow! there’s a basket of currencies at the end of it!
BG: Is that paper worth more than the paper you and yours make?
GO: For the time being, but we’ve got Portugal and Spain to go yet.
There’s a lovely Vista from up there.
“Yep, thats Pollys private jet taking her home to her Villa in tuscany”
We even found that Gordon had been using the CTRL-ALT-SHIFT cheat on FreeCell.
Yes Bill, I think we could accomodate your logo on the clockface.
“I was thinking of a new Windows tax.”
*Applause*
This one was already posted at 2:07pm.
O/T Looks like the South Africans are choking again!
I hear that the Speaker’s Apartments have a virus.
And not only them – by the looks of it!
Yes, it’s a pig.
But it’s one of our pigs…
“It happened to Gaddaffi, it could happen to you”
George Osbourne resorts to scare tactics to persuade business to relocate to the UK
About that bl**dy growth forecast Excel macro you guys sold to the treasury …
Can you tell me how to turn off sharing? I want to cut the Speaker off but he never upgraded to Vista, which of course did it automatically for you, regardless of choice.
“And they even stole the Sky Dish when they finished squatting”
Good thing, too. Those dishes are damn’ ugly and best used as woks.
“And that… Is my pile”
George: “Look, see that graph over there that shows the difference in numbers of people who downloaded IE9 compared to the HUGE numbers that downloaded Firefox 4 instead this week!”
Bill: “Don’t get too cocky Osborne! Those are nearly the same number of people that actually were bothered to turn out and voted in your General Election in 2010!”
“And that pigeon has been trained to crap on Ed Milliband.”
Have I shown you my flying pig? He’s up there.
Incidentally, have I told you about how the Budget will help Britain out of this recession?
“Hello clouds, hello sky”
Of course, if you wish us to keep the 150,000 compliance officers engaged, at public expense, in checking software licences, then {ahem} a contribution will assist.
Do you realise, Bill, that Gordon used to spend the equivalent of your firm’s net worth every day, without fail, before breakfast?
“So its the top 3 windows, Needs a bit of a tidy up and only costs 1000 pound a month, Deal?”
And here’s the flying pig now, coming to deliver the upgraded forecasts. I’ll give him an Apple to say thanks.
I took a whole penny off fuel, and still they aren’t happy!
…and that’s the tree where the Shadow Chancellor and I got stuck during the charity parachute jump, and I found myself strung up by the Balls.
“Hey, Bill – if you write each of Windows’ faults on a £50 note, it would make a tower that reaches all the way up there, and it still wouldn’t match what I p!ss-away to the EU each year!”
“I’m telling you Bill.. with our high pitched squeals… the skies the limit!”
Come on Bill, it’s only £30K a year for the first 12 years and £50K after that and you too could be a non-dom
“… then I hit the send button and the whole Palace of Westminster disappeared!”
“… along with my comment.”
Watch out, iPad being thrown off the top floor. I guess Craig Oliver just heard the news about ipad 2 coming out…
“Share we try the mushrooms next?”
“Shall we try the mushrooms next”
Bill: “Do you know what you’re doing George?”
George: “Oh look, there’s a flying pig”
“I don’t need to be as rich as you, Bill. The taxpayer bought that house for me.”
Could you re-write Task Manager so that it made Gordon come back to work again?
Reach for the stars Bill and one day you can be as famous as me.
And people think Windows is unrealiable.
It is called a Moon. I own it. Branson has bid to project a Virgin logo on it in return for a trillion. There is another bid from Gotham City … interested?
David, why don’t you move your company to the new flagship enterprise zone we’ve created in Tower Hamlets
Bill Gates: “So, just exactly what is your connection with Ozzy. Are you a prince of darkness too?”
George tries out the protoype Invisible Windows 8 based handheld device as Microsoft takes Vapourware to a whole new level
Oh. I see. Because Gordon did not pay his Office licence fees, you spiked his Excel so that he sold the Gold at the wrong time, expected more income than he got and it told him he had spent less than he had. Gee thanks, Bill! Where is the unwind button?
“With a donation from you of just £5bn a month, our growth figures could be up here again, making a real difference to our country…” says George.
” And thats the Tree-house in the No 10 Garden where Nick lives so he’s handy when we need him”
On a clear day you can see nick cleggs anus up there…
That is Harriet Harman, the deputy leader of the Labour Party. She has had more crashes than Vista.
Osbourne attempts to explain the budget defecit spatially
Look, look, there’s a Tamworth, ooo and there’s a Gloucester Old Spot, wow and a Berkshire as well. My lucky day.
Bill: Another tall tale from yet another economic pigmy…
Gordon’s up there, see the rope?
Osborne “You see that griddle over David’s window, we call that Chaytor’s Grate…”
+1
Well, look at it this way, Bill; we are the equivalent of Dire Straits, the Liberals are the equivalent of Grateful Dead, which means that the Labour party are the Snivelling Shits.
“I suppose my budget is a bit like Bill’s new operating system…it looks all flashy and new but in the end it proves to be full of bugs and crashes”
You can see the Sunny Uplands can’t you Bill?
And that cloud is where we plan to store all the Census data.
Mr Osborne: “Wow! What a cash pile you have Mr Gates”
Mr Gates: “Not as big as your debt mountain, Mr Osborne”
I’m not much of a techie Bill but can you see that seagull up there? I’ve trained him to shit on Milliblank Junior’s Head at 11.45 am every Wednesday.
Right now Bill you remember saying that if I’m still the chancellor in March pigs might fly! Well look here they come now!
“the guy who saved the world is in that TREE HUT”
And that’s the angel Liz Taylor cloud computing.
Is that the Apple share price?
George–”blah, blah –computing — clouds —- blah—– blah——”
Bill—”look, now I’ve got shot of Melinda can you just tell me where I can get a dirty shag while I’m in London”
Hyper-rich man meets Bill Gates.
Was that a pig that just flew past? Or was it a green shoot of recovery crashing to the ground?
“I took a jump to the LEFT! Then a step tp the right. Put my hand on my hips………..”
“your reefer has fall out of your fingers”
George Osborne “That’s right,Bill.Keep looking up there whilst I pleasure myself with my right hand. I’m almost done!!”
Network not found.
The Bank of England is on top of inflation…what’s that pig doing up there?
Bill: I hate fucking Adobe too. Always demanding you restart your computer every time it updates.
Well Bill, I’m sorry to tell you that as Gordon is no longer in power, it’s going to take just a few more years before all of this is yours!
I’m a Bullshitter myself. But I like hear a professional at it….so please continue!
A politician with a bill?
Stand by taxpayers!
Bill: And who is that dwarf in the huge chair?
See, pigs do fly!!
“Up there? No, I’ve never ever been up there. Its The North isn’t it?”
There goes another capitalist fat cat entrepreneur in his private jet, emigrating to Switzerland!
And that’s the tree we hung Vince Cable from
Look, I’m sorry Bill, but see that’s Dave over there with Mr & Mrs Hilton and they’ve already got the British Government sewn up lock, stock and barrel for Google.
O: “Look Bill, my Google cloud has a silver lining!”
G: “If you believe that, George, you`ll believe anything.”
“One day Bill, all this will be yours. The IMF will do you a great deal on Kent and chuck in Darlington.”
Bill, deep in thought, I know him from somewhere……..now……..got it!
Look! There’s a Liberal Democrat voter!
Now here, Bill, is where the commanding heights of the economy used to stand, but we sold them a couple of months ago …
I know you want to slip it in Bill, but things have changed round here. Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath is over there!
You’re the man from ‘Windows’ ? Can you fix my double glazing ?
George: “I can never decide what wallpaper to have for my ‘puter.”
“…….. and the Flying Thatchers could go on the wall over there, by the fireplace.”
…and thats the pile of revenue I’ll pull in from re-introducing the Windows tax, Bill…..Bill?
Bill: You see that man in the moon….
George: What, the one up there?
Bill: Yes. Thats you, that is. Thats you and your economic predictions that is… You are a complete moon unit you are.
George: That cloud, the one up there, thats your operating system that is, devoid of anything other than the ability to rain on someones day, that is….*
*shamelessly stolen….
So Bill, I understand you have a lot of experience dealing with corrupt kernals.
“I look up to him (Cameron) because he is upper class, but I look down on him (Gates) because he is lower class”.
Gates: “I know my place”
G.O: Oh look, its super Gordan here to save the world again
Osborne: “Hey Bill, take a look out of my window at the fabulous apple blossoming!”
Gates: “I would, but your window just crashed!”
Apparently we’re about to have a problem with our Windows at the Treasury…
And if you look very carefully, beyond the weedkiller of coalition policies, you can just make out a green shoot of recovery………
And this is the house that my expenses built….
Finance Bill looms eerily over the Iron Chancellor.
George: Look Bill, three clouds.
There’s my Cloud Nine, your Cloud Computing and Clegg’s Cloud….
Bill: …Cuckoo Land?
“And just over there, is where I wanted that bastard Gordon Brown to dance the Tyburn Jig. But Dave went all soft on the idea.”
“I’m Bill. I write code.”
“I’m George. So do I.”
Keep looking up and they may not notice that we have no trousers on.
“TAKE COVER, Bill, it’s a French squadron and they’ve been at the vin ordinaire”
Yes indeed, pigs can fly !
and now we can claim even more off the tax payer for doing it !
Yes this is the British No Fly Zone !
we have no planes to fly in it !
Look there it is, every time I say the UK economy is superduper and improving this bloody flying pig soars overhead. You know I thought I was back at uni having a bad acid trip.
George: Hey Kermit, look at Miss Piggy up there.
You think that’s something? Look, I can make a teacher jump out of Windows!
Look! here he comes now. It’s ‘Super Cam’ here to save the day.
Kermit and Ozzie Bear spot Statler and Waldorf.
Financial control, look, perhaps pigs really do fly.
And that Bill, is the top of the debt mountain that Labour left behind.
Our Windows need upgrading too
Some atmospheric thoughts for you Bill: we’re only taxing the suckers on the 0.038% that is CO2. Sigh… if only there was a way of taxing them on the percentage they breathe.
“And up there with the flying pigs are Vista and the UK economy actually functioning”.
It’s a flashforward to next month-
“If you could just plug that monstrous hole in the coalition, that would be great.”
Gate’s said Osbourne’s ideas wouldn’t work, his reply “Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeee!”. Gates countered “This changes nothing”
“Oh, him? He’s locked in that attic up there. We’ve only let him out a couple of times since we got in. Strangely enough he just goes over to Parliament, signs his expense forms and comes straight back. We think he’s become institutionalised now, prefers life on the inside. We still haven’t traced where he hid the umpteen trillion he ‘invested’.”
They aren’t Tornados actually Bill, it’s Ed Balls and his plans to cut government spending.
They aren’t Tornados Bill, it’s Ed Balls and his plans to cut government spending!
Osborne: ‘With my economics policy, I can make pigs fly! Look at ‘em go!!!’