March 7th, 2011

Downing Street Struggles in the Thick of It

There is an air of chaos in Westminster today. Firstly Craig Oliver was all in a spin after being refused entry by Downing Street security, but that’s nothing on the mess that the capture of the SAS troops and our “diplomat” in the desert has caused. Hague, who has taken his eye off various balls recently, looks like he is being hung out to dry on this one. He will be before the House at three thirty, but not before a Whitehall source mouthed off to the BBC confirming he personally authorised the mission, despite little evidence our overtures were welcome. It’s almost as if No.10 has other matters on their plate…

The Prince Andrew story has gone nuclear, not least because an-as-of-yet-un-named SpAd briefed in Cardiff over the weekend that “one more story” and Andrew would be out. Cue a mass shaking of the branch by every hack. Another briefing, perhaps by the same chatty character, said “no tears would be shed” at Andrews departure. A long cry from the official line this morning that the Duke has the government’s full confidence. It’s times like this that real weak spots are being exposed and a bad day for Dave and co to go gallivanting up north for a gimmicky Cabinet Away Day. No wonder it’s open season on SpAds according to Ben Brogan

UPDATE: Mark Wallace notices that SpAd’s are even using Malcom Tucker’s favourite “omnishambles”. You could make it up…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I thought they wer going to scrap those awayday gimmicks?


  2. 2
    @Kilkeal says:

    Looks like the “enemy of enterprise” speech did not go down well in Whitehall. Civil service bites back!


  3. 4
    capt apollo says:

    Andrew = scapegoat so the no light shines on the like of blair, mandy etc ?
    As for the sas/sbs/ SF Libya farce it reeks of a Spad or FO cock up more than a military one, sir Humphrey must be protected blame the poor bloody toms


    • 30
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Exactly. Andy’s far from my favourite person but you have to be suspicious when Bryant mouths off (again) on Toady, as he did this am.

      What’s that fucking narcissistic little twink every done for his country, eh? Fuck all, that’s what. FUCK ALL. He certainly hasn’t drummed up billions of pounds of trade; still less has he flown helicopters in **front line combat** in the Falklands.

      Not once – not fucking once – have I seen any constructive suggestion for a replacement to Andy. Just what you’d expect from the Blank Sheet of Paper Party.

      Useless poof.


    • 140
      The Prince and the Peedo says:

      You can judge a man by the company he keeps.


  4. 6
    Toby Lerone says:

    out “diplomat”? – Friend of Hague’s no doubt, hence the mission.


  5. 8
    Ashtrayhead says:

    It’s almost as if Bliar doesn’t exist anymore, in the rush by the MSM to keep the fat prince in the headlines. Maybe that’s the advice he gave to Scameron.


    • 151
      Millions of people says:

      He is dead?
      Someone actually managed to drive a stake into his sulphorous pass-oozing heart?

      mis read the posting.


  6. 9
    Eeu to me says:

    The BBC seem to be creaming their collective nickers over the SAS snafu with Billy Vague getting a hit because he authorised it, the Beeb has “experts” coming out of the woodwork all over the organisation giving “explanations” as to how things went wrong, If I was the Beeb I would crawl under the woodwork and keep quiet, those bstards work on, we will get our own back and not on Political Correctness.


    • 10
      Voice of Treason says:

      Just testing for why I’ve been modded?


      • 14
        Voice of Treason says:

        Ah I now know – it was using the correct spelling for peeedofile which automatically goes into moderation – pathetic!

        Try again – watched the increasingly spineless Vince Cable giving his support to the befriender of a peedofile the fooking arrogant royal Andrew. This guy uses taxpayers money to swan around the world with his flunkeys. Why is it that all ministers are weak when it comes to criticise that incredibly disfunctional family the royals?


        • 17

          Because they sent him in the first place?


        • 18
          Eeu to me says:

          Seems Andy Pandy is getting a trial by association, are these Bstards hiding something else and using Andy Pandy as a smokescreen.


          • Cynical-old-bag says:

            I’d also like to know what Andy’s “professional” relationship with Ghislaine Maxwell has to do with a peedo phile ring.

            She left the UK for the states almost immediately after daddy fell off his yacht.


          • Anonymous says:

            Someone should release the Operation Ore papers onto wikileaks . That’ll give a few MP’s the willies.


        • 26
          smoggie says:

          And ministers don’t swan around the world on taxpayers’ money, of course.


          • over 200 years of highway robbery says:

            That’s because it’s THEIR money.


          • Voice of Treason says:

            WE elect MPs so they are entitled to do business around the world. We don’t elect that rude, arrogant twaat Andrew and his little army of flunkeys, one of whom is used to ensure he can put his trousers on the right way round and another used to ensure there is toothpaste ready on his toothbrush.


          • smoggie says:

            No prejudice there then


    • 160

      If I was the Beeb I would…

      A promising headline for a new thread here. My own thoughts on this matter would struggle to avoid the Moderator’s axe.


  7. 11

    Randy McKnob…MY PRIVATE HELL.
    Excerpt from the soon to be serialised behind TIMESPAYWLL-EXCLUSIVE

    “we were kept in a room lit only by low energy bulbs. There were no i-pods or PS3s.
    Just a few chairs and some bottled water. It was quite hot.
    The guard came in and said “OK English. You are free to go to wherever you come from but please don’t come back until we’re sorted out..we’ve rather a lot going on at the moment.”‘
    We were led up the steps and into the bright sunlight where a waiting old fashioned bus, the sort that is common throughout Darkest-Afrika was waiting. It took us to safety but there were no proper refreshments like Yorkie bars or Pringles. Just hummus and dates.
    It was a ghastly, horrid experience that will haunt me forever….”


    • 38
      Ho, Hum says:

      Liked the interview done by the Sun newspaper in Basra with a squaddy during Iraq war No1, the Labour Defence minister at the time had said it was just like being in an English sea side town, squaddy: Yeah, its just like Portsmouth, no women, no decent beer and the locals all hate us.


      • 79

        There was another at the time.
        A TV reporter asked a surprised Sergeant if Um Casa really was like a seaside town.

        “Either the minister has never been to Portsmouth or he’s never been to um Casa.
        Um Casa has a lot of sectarianism,fighting,bigotry and poverty. Its more like Glasgow.”


  8. 13
    Where's Warsi says:

    Can you imagine being in the SAS, and being asked to take orders from Bill Vague….

    ….and yes Cambo did say he would scrap the cabinet away scheme….U -turn number 127


    • 15
      Voice of Treason says:

      Thought the SAS were invincible but it seems that a bunch of civilian protesters can arrest them in no time at all LOL!


      • 28
        smoggie says:

        I’m sure they didn’t intend to start a firefight with people they had come to talk to. The intelligence was fucked. Blame MI6.


      • 105
        Those Lee-by-anns are very beastly to us says:

        RoE I suspect were……. .if apprehended claim were on a diplomatic mission to”recce” a place for “Will’s”stag night …………….


      • 198
        Conspiracyexpert says:

        Willie Vague sent the SAS out there to capture a farmer, and to bring him back here for Willie to interrogate him, or something like that.

        It’s obvious really.


    • 33
      Usually correct says:

      Not so long ago they were jumping to David Millibandstein’s tune, oyvey!


    • 37
      Operation Certain Fuckup says:

      Moral must be pretty low in the armed forces just now…even for those who aint got their UB40s yet.


      • 78
        Goldbug says:

        Moral should be low in a service that blindly follows orders to invade and subjugate sovereign countries that have done nothing to the UK simply because it suits US foreign policy. Simply following orders is not a defence against murder or war crimes charges.


        • 149
          yeah right says:

          seems to work for Israel.


          • Must get a pseudonym one day says:

            If they’d subbed out the job to the Israelis instead of trying to do it in-house, it would have been successfully completed before anyone knew anything about it (and with a handful of excellent fake passports into the bargain).


  9. 16
    Cynic says:

    All those lithe young military men in tight fitting uniforms clutching their big weapons as they climb into helicopters….almost makes me go all squidgy


    • 27
      :# says:

      I love those 4′ nuthin munchkin plod you see about these days, all tooled up to the nines with the latest gadgetry, and the crims running riot all around them.


  10. 20
    Where's Warsi says:

    Take your pick:-

    “PM Props Up Prince and The Pa*ed*o”
    “PM Praises Prince and The Pa*ed*o
    “Prince promotes Pa*e*do with PM’s Promise”


  11. 21
    Cynic says:

    I assume the “Diplomat” was based on the other side of the River from the Foreign Office ….so just what were they up to with the Rebels


  12. 22
    Cynic says:

    Why is a convicted pedophile prostitute user paying off Sarah Ferguson’s Debts?


  13. 24
    gyges says:

    Will Mr Hague be put under very much scrutiny in the House this afternoon? I doubt it. The wheels are falling off the idea that the events seen in North Africa are a spontaneous peoples’ uprising due to various technical difficulties.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the SAS/Spook mission was to offer more money for the mercenaries to keep up the attack. After all, since the other regimes had collapsed like sacks of sh*t, it is hardly surprising that the mercenaries/technicals only expected to turn up rather than participate in a sustained attack.


    • 35
      Tax Payer says:

      Ah – so you’re suggesting that the resistance may not last long, at least not without more money being paid?

      What value UK contracts if Gadaffi survives?


      • 44
        gyges says:

        “so you’re suggesting that the resistance may not last long,”

        If I’m correct that they are ‘technicals/mercenaries': Yes, that’s what I’m suggesting.

        Re Gadaffi contracts … I’m sure he’ll be very wary of any Casus Belli and he still needs a market for his oil.


    • 195
      Odin's Raven says:

      Perhaps the plan was to preempt the Americans; by getting the new regime to sign deals for oil and gas to continue going to Europe, before the Americans grab the lot after installing their stooges as the new regime.


  14. 25
    I says:

    Prince Andrew to take up position with Childline.


  15. 32
    I Squiggle says:

    Re the SAS/Libya farce – surely it would have been more of a story if we discovered Hague *hadn’t* personally authorised it. That and we really should know who over at the MOD authorised it – though we’ll probably discover it was a Captain Mainwaring..


    • 196
      Odin's Raven says:

      Maybe it was the same person who authorised the two SAS men caught in Basra dressed as Arabs and with a car full of explosives and weapons.


  16. 34
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    If i were Dave i would check No 10 for any black magic/voodooo stuff that the fromer squatter may have left .


  17. 40
    Gordon says:

    Saw Tony at lunchtime earlier. He gave me an ice-cream cone. He must really like me


  18. 41
    Puzzled says:

    Remind me again, what is the point of William Hague?


    • 56
      Sir William Waad says:

      Wasn’t he Welsh Rarebit Secretary under John Major, eigh oop, champion, iechyd da? After that, well, I might have been dreaming, but I could have sworn somebody made him leader of the Conservative Party, presumably in a spirit of impish fun!


    • 98
      Moral compass says:

      North North West I think.


    • 121

      On this one, takin’ the heatr for Dave & putting the FCO into Fiasco. Generally, to fool Conservatroid robot people that they voted for conservative politicians.


  19. 46
    Trevor Phillips says:

    I said to my doctor “Every time I have sex with a white woman my eyes begin to sting.”

    The doctor says “That’ll be the pepper spray.”


  20. 49
    Hugh Janus says:

    Blimey, if he’s got Call-Me-Dave’s full confidence then he’s a dead man walking.


  21. 51
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    What would Kelvin do?


  22. 54
    Jack says:

    There are telephones to contact the Lybian Oppoisition in Bengazi

    Whoare these amateur wan kers at the Foreign Office or MOD ?

    Qatar has established diplomatic relations with the Opposition without sending anyone !

    You would have difficulty making up this stupidity


  23. 55
    Damian Macbride says:

    At least I knew how to get past security


  24. 57
    Fa Kin Su Pah says:

    Marvellous opportunity for the anti-British
    brigade ably led by the BBC and typified by
    that bacterial pervert and victim of bullies,


    • 75
      Fa Kin Su Pah says:

      Only about 20 earlier comments on this.
      I simply couldn’t wait though. Bryant has now
      officially replaced Keith Vaz as 1st on my absolutely
      fucking hate him list.


  25. 58
    Craig Oliver says:


    I even had some cash to pay the taxi

    I caught the train OK

    Thanks for the support


  26. 59
    The Grand Old Duke of York says:

    There will be a happy ending


  27. 60
    Angry Taxpayer says:

    This is as bad as Brown FFS


  28. 62
    David Milliband says:

    Thanks God for all of this

    It will take people’s attention away from the Ralph Milliband Gaddafi Lecture organised by my brother’s mates

    BYW That brother is mine is the pits


  29. 63
    Cardinal Kasper says:

    Britain is a third world country


  30. 64
    Uncle Rupert says:

    If you put a Beeboid in charge of Government Communications

    With no experience in politics

    You dont’ need to be Sherlock Holmes (or watcson) to know that the whole shebang will just descend into omnishambles


  31. 65
    Anonymous says:

    Isn’t it rule that the PM gives his support and a short time later the ladder is whipped wat beneath them!


    • 69
      Bob the Builder (I've taken Squeaker's ladder away..again) says:


      And I am an expert in taking the ladder away


  32. 67
    Plop says:

    I thought that this was the week for “the Shock Royal announcement “- No not boring Andy- something bigger !

    In Canada the rumours are that Charles has gone gaga !!


    • 71
      Phil the Greek says:

      Oh dear


    • 77
      Anonymous says:

      How dare you call the heir to the throne GAGA! True he seems to go off at a tangent but please do tell, Guido wants to know, all tickle tackel appreciated.


    • 81
      Mr Chilcott says:

      It is Prezza that is going gaga

      Or deaf

      Or both

      Too much shagging and Jagging and pying John !


      • 135
        Cynical-old-bag says:

        Here is the Greggs Pie Forecast for the next 24 hours.

        Steak and Kidney
        Quantity: 4/5.
        Outlook: Diminishing around Tea Time.
        Flatulence: Possible

        Pork Pie
        Quantity: 8/9.
        Outlook: Vanishing lunch time.
        Flatulence: Mild, increasing.

        Custard Pie
        Quantity: 3/4
        Outlook: Scoffing-severe, mid-afternoon
        Flatulence: High, increasing to gale force.

        Chicken and Mushroom
        Quantity: 7/8
        Outlook: Petering out around midnight
        Flatulence: Storm force

        Gluttony warnings remain in place for Baker’s Oven, Ginsters and Battersea Pie Station.

        Moby Prescott was last seen heading in the general direction of Bluewater. The Essex Coastguard has been informed


    • 82
      Anonymous says:

      Yeah, that’s why he has a full diary of visits and speeches, etc.

      Try again.


    • 85
      Buck House Press hack says:

      Actually for our Canadian friends

      The heir to our Throne usually speaks to plants and is very ecological you see

      You must never think he is gaga, he is just speaking to the spirits and will be Defender of all the faiths (God help us)


      • 169
        Prince Hypocrite of Wales says:

        Very ecological?

        Who flys endlessly around the world lecturing people about consuming less. Who also drives around in a selection of V8’s and V12’s and berates everyone within earshot, that they should drive around in windmill powered ‘eco’ boxes, stop flying and live on potato gruel, that very ecological heir you mean?


  33. 72
    1980s slapper says:


    Now is perfect timing to throw a Rave Party to kill all Rave Parties in 10 Downing Street

    That wil at least make them all happy ..The happy index will explode


  34. 74
    Jon snow says:

    But did William tell Dave before hand?


  35. 83
    Gawkes says:

    “Sorry chum , not on the guest list, next”


  36. 90
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin says:

    Drowning Street was all calm and tranquility when I was there.


  37. 93
    Roman Polanski says:

    How can I get a job with this Andrew guy?


  38. 97
    Steve Miliband says:

    Crack SAS team held by farmer.

    Sounds a bit fishy to me, like a cover for something else


    • 100
      Anonymous says:

      None of it makes sense. What we (the public) now know though is that Gaddafi has taps into the rebel communications, so there was no way as some are suggesting that we could have simply phoned the rebels and arranged a meeting at a time and a place, as that would have resulted in an air strike from Gaddafi. I assume they were intending to give the rebels secure comms for future use.


    • 112
      Anonymous says:

      Did he have a spud gun?


    • 197
      Odin's Raven says:

      Perhaps their contacts double-crossed them. Maybe they can get a better deal from the Americans.


  39. 104
    Col Nasty. says:

    Are No 10 and Hague sleep walking into another Suez?

    Will Obama do an Ike and hang out Cameron to dry?

    What’s Mandy up to?


  40. 106
    Mad Rassa says:

    Tough on crime, tough on the causes of slime….


  41. 107
    Hain's dumb X Spad says:

    Stop slagging off dumb Cardiff Spads.


  42. 108
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I have had notification that my mortgage payments will be going up next month.
    Has David Cameron no clue how to run our economy ?

    I shall be voting Labour from now on to bring an end to Boom & Bust


  43. 109
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Coming soon the i-Spad………….


  44. 110
    Billy Vague says:

    Liam Fox gave the OK for the f*** *p, before he left for Venezuala,

    Or, maybe it was Gaddaffi.

    Jolly good show.


  45. 114

    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Putting the FCO into Fiasco!


  46. 115
    Where's the popcorn says:

    Although this will give Liebore ammunition, I must admit all this chaos is rather entertaining. My money’s on Hague going in the next cabinet reshuffle.


  47. 116
    angela says:

    POTENTIAL CATASTROPHE OF THE WEEK! Charlie Sheen wants to pal up with Boris Johnson!


  48. 119
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.

    I didn’t know I could buy another can in the departure lounge


  49. 123

    Come to think of it, ze British government ist only vollowing ze orders!


  50. 124
    Desperate Dan says:

    The way I see it is journalists don’t know what is going on so they guess, make things up and spread ridiculous rumours, eg double dip recession, flu pandemic, double digit interest rates etc. When it turns out that their wild imaginings are completely wrong, as they very often are, instead of offering an apology they look round for someone to blame and its usually the government. Its not this government’s fault that journalists are thick as bricks and are increasingly running round like headless chickens because no-one is feeding them enough press releases.


  51. 127
    8 Minute Eddie says:

    Keeps me out the news.


  52. 128
    John Bull says:

    Mr Hague has been shaken to the core by his shirtlifting secret getting out. Its obvious to a blind man on a gallopin’ ‘oss.

    Get over you big girl’s blouse.


    • 158
      ichabod says:

      I think Hague is finished. Probably a relief all round if he does go; even his admirers have been disappointed with his performance at the FO.


  53. 129
    Sir William Waad says:

    A ‘technical’ is an armed pick-up truck rather than the person in it. That person may or may not be a mercenary. In Somalia, for instance, they generally aren’t, although they may be adventurers out for a bit of religiously-encouraged ‘sport’ with the locals. During Gaddafi’s last military defeat in the ‘Toyota War’ they weren’t mercenaries but Chadian irregulars.


  54. 131
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I hated the agony of it all in that maternity room, the wife with her legs wide open, blood everywhere and screaming at the top of voice, things like..

    “You bastard, you’ve put this inside me! Don’t come near me again!”

    It went on for fucking ages before the midwife put an end to it all,

    “Billy Bowden, I think it’s time you took your cock out and let the baby come!”


    • 168

      According to a London midwife I spoke to a few years ago this actually happens in the case of mothers arriving from the Dark Continent at West London NHS hospitals to sprog (and up until recently, in passing Go also collect the Brit passport) . She said they have to leave a nurse with them at all times to stop the (presumably) life partner from exercising his conjugal rights both immediately before and after delivery. One kids one not.


    • 177
      Vanessa George says:

      Oh, can I watch? I’ll take some pictures if you want…


  55. 133
    NC says:

    the problem with the Tories is that they want to eat the chicken but no one is prepared to snap its neck


  56. 134
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today i will buy Order-Order.


  57. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Billy saying there was a “serious misunderstanding” about the ‘diplomatic team’s’ role.

    Laughter all round.


    • 154
      Engineer says:

      Well, he’s constrained in what he can say. “A complete fuck-up” probably isn’t regarded as parliamentary language, even if it is technically correct.


  58. 144
    oink says:

    It’s times like this that really do beg questions of the so called government and elites. They really do prove how bloody useless they are. Shrouded in secrecy comments appear from all directions, all un-named and all unccountable to us – the paying public. Why we continue to bother with them I do not know. We do know they are all charlatons and thieves – WE SHOULD HOLD THEM ALL TO ACCOUNT NOW – then hang them


    • 145
      oink says:

      if there’s something wrong with this view I would like to know it – I am fed up being continually modded for no good reason


      • 153
        Engineer says:

        Count your blessings. At least you don’t get sockpuppeted – or maybe your sockpuppet is being modded as well.


      • 161
        Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

        Its the letters P-E-A that is modded.


  59. 147
    Anonymous says:

    Hey, what about the idea muted that that Bank of Scotland and Loyds banks (and include Northern Crock) should give the public a free share issue, seeing we have all bailed them out, there seems to be a lot of confusion as to the definition between a private company a public company and a quasi nationalised company, won’t hold my breath, stakeholders? whatever happened to that sound bite?… heads we win, tails you lose.


  60. 156
    Well I never did says:

    Ed and Yvette face probe after claiming more than £14,000 travel expenses for their children


    • 167
      The BBC Bias Unit, headcount 14,263 and rising says:

      This is not important. We will not be making any mention of it.


  61. 157
    Ed² says:

    Ed, I see you’ve dropped another rickett on doubling up expenses with Yvette.
    I mean come of it Ed, 375 travel claims for children, over 3 years. I mean do they live in one house or 3?

    The Daily Mail will be all over this like a rash




  62. 164
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Does anyone take David Cameron seriously ???

    He’s heading for a bruising at this week’s PMQ’s from the party opposite


  63. 170
    Dave's Beeboid Spindoctor says:

    Who needs Andy Coulson ? The Big Society is going from strength to strength.


  64. 180
    Steve Hilton says:

    Hague and Warsi are in the Cabinet to provide a modicum of comic relief and make the rest look capable in comparison to their incompetence.


  65. 181
    William Hague says:

    I just wanted to impress Dave – he’s been ignoring me for a while since Nick started making eyes at him…


  66. 189
    Plop says:

    Nothing in his diary between the 4th and the 11th March. Mmmm!
    Velly interlesting , what !


  67. 190
    david says:

    Of course I blame you Guido for the state Hague is in. Hague hasn’t been the same since you revealed he liked to pop into a Travelodge for a bit of, ‘inflate ‘yer mate’ or ‘puff up ‘yer pal’


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