February 1st, 2011

AV: What Would Jesus Do?

The looney left and the church don’t often go hand in hand, so imagine Guido’s surprise as Yes to AV declared this afternoon that they are walking in the path of the righteous man. In what is becoming an increasingly surreal campaign from the well funded LibDem front, ten Church of England Bishops have been lined up as a big-hitting endorsement:

“Voting systems are not value free. I am supporting a change on the grounds of justice and accountability. AV will increase the likelihood that the general preference of a majority rather than a plurality will shape the choice of MPs, and so Parliament.”

Although liking a two-thirds majority, the Papal conclave still uses first past the post in a dead-lock so Guido won’t be taking much notice of the new church’s view.

UPDATE: The No Campaign point out that one of the Bishops is the vice-president of the Electoral Reform Society, one of the Yes campaign’s biggest donors.

UPDATE II: Jonathan Bartley, the Yes spinner is also a religious fundamentalist. The Jihad has begun…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Religon is bollocks anyway , and we only get another load of plastic mps


    • 2
      Rat's arse says:

      Oscar Wilde was right, religion is the opium of the masses.


    • 9
      ichabod says:

      I think the Church of England is B******s—it’s not a religion, more of a social gathering , and increasingly the bishops regard themselves as guardians of all people who dwell in the UK, whether Anglican or not; indeed whether Christian or not. Mercifully I converted to RC decades ago, I know it has its many, sometimes grievous, faults but at least it is a proper religion


      • 31
        Spank Sinatra says:

        You will of course burn in hell and what the fuck is a ‘proper religion’? Who moved the stone? It’s all utter bollocks but then of course, in your case, it’s ‘proper bollocks’.


      • 60
        Baby Eating Bishop Of Bath & Wells says:

        There are different hells depending on which religion you’re in and which one you offended. If you’re a Roman Catholic (which I was unwittingly baptised into at the tender age of 3 before growing up and shaking off the shackles of someone Else’s dementia) then you’ll likely end up in a protestant hell. Judging by the name of their particular sect within the Christian blood cult, you’ll wish you were in someone Else’s hell.

        If I were you I’d probably start slagging off Buddhist’s; their version of hell is probably quite quirky / bit trippy maybe.

        Thanks… go forth, be strong.


        • 101
          Axe The Telly Tax says:


        • 106
          Universal Hiss says:

          I don’t believe in gods but I have loads of faries at the bottom of my garden. Other non-believers think I should be locked up.

          What really cheers me that if Blair has truely embraced Cathiolicism he will never be free from guilt & no conversations in a box with a bloke in a dress will free him from that.


      • 111
        Man made says:

        The Rc church is simply The Roman Empire in clerical garb but with more superstition attached.


        • 127
          Spank Sinatra says:

          Given the current shirt-lifter-in chief’s dress sense, I though it was more like seeing Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.


  2. 3
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    surreal indeed: so guido seeks catholic guidance on the electoral system, and supports an election system where only a small group of old fart bishops are allowed to vote.

    Also… the lib dems are the loony left these days are they?


  3. 4
    Rat's arse says:

    Also, if AV is so good, how come Teddy Millimollymandy got in? Noddy would have been preferable and more easily understood.


    • 71
      Dick the Prick says:

      Let’s be brutally honest here – all politico’s couldn’t give a fuck about about the punter – just their members (Libs), Unions (Lab), their Associations & Chums (Tories).

      Whichever way it’s played, taxes are gonna go up and you’ll find a different colour cock up your arse. hosni Mubarak – fucking amateur compared to these fucks.

      At least the CoE care about a higher authority and some elements of conservatism – like fuck the papacy and the inexorable EU semen bukkake felching ooze dripping relentlessly out of our taxed up rectums.

      Just a thought.


      • 143
        Mr Mad of Yorkshire says:

        Spot on Mr Prick. I’m not voting for any politico barsteward anymore ‘cos it don’t matter a tinker’s toss who gets in -it’s the proles like me what are going to get shafted one way or t’other.

        This AV crapola is designed to benefit the inhabitants of the Westminster stink bubble – end of. Won’t vote in any referendum about it either – so there !!


  4. 5
    bergen says:

    Wrong AV-they gave up the Authorised Version.


    • 29
      Not my Father says:

      They gave up any bible translation and religion all together a little while back.
      It takes an archbishop to retire to say that Christians are being discriminated against in this country. Shame its not said in office


  5. 6
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    also , If the referendum is based on fptp result wont that make invalid ? As they say AV is more representive ?


  6. 8
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    OK, having looked it up on the internet, it does appear that what jesus would do is carry a big gun and shoot the damn faggots.


  7. 11
    Time for a quiet puke... says:

    Bugger AV, surely someone on the left has found out that he/she too has been phone hacked. Are we going to go a day without one… The Guardian and BBC need you


    • 63
      South of the M4 says:

      They will wait for a quiet news day and will then recommence going down the list.


      • 87
        Richard Bacon says:

        I was rather hoping my phone would be tapped because I am a celebrity


        • 128
          Spank Sinatra says:

          Fat chance – you’re the most irritating person on national radio. An audio train crash. When you first started on the 2pm slot I thought some fucking intern had hijacked the mic. You really think that all those celebs walk out the studio thinking what a great interviewer you are and that when they make that hand gesture to their PA is just them simply winding their automatic watch? Total nonce.


  8. 13
    Tu es Petrus et super hanc petram aedificabo ecclesiam meam says:

    The Anglican church is a pimple on the arse of history and will have ceased to exist in a hundred years.


    • 22
      A man with a cup of coffee says:

      Hopefully the same will be true of all religions.


    • 62
      Sir William Waad says:

      I’m quietly confident that the Church will outlast the BBC, the Conservative Party, Manchester United and Guido’s blog – just as it ourlasted Communism, Fascism, logical positivism and George Bernard Shaw.


      • 131

        The church and its Archibish has a lot in common with a broadsheet newspaper and its Editor, the only significant difference being the use of altarboys instead of rentboys to drain the strain from management. Both organs will shortly (geologically speaking) be confined to the dustbin of history; the church in the next half century, broadsheets in the next half-decade.


  9. 15
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Not tweeting this one Guido ?


  10. 16
    pp says:

    When the teams were being picked, No2AV got the BNP, Yes2AV got the Bishops


  11. 17
    Max says:

    Under AV I don’t Jesus would actually have got in as leader. Suspect only Judas would have had the nous to be able to form a coalition. Mmmm… [hand strokes chin]


  12. 19
    Josh Lyman says:

    Oh no, Guido’s pissed himself again.


  13. 20
    Curbishly says:

    I cannot think of a better reason for voting for No To AV than having a bunch of God-botherers telling me how to vote.


    • 68
      Potkettle says:

      Thats their double bluff.

      Dont you think they already how you will react to whichever side they take

      Messes with the mind dont it


  14. 23
    smoggie says:

    The church has been around a lot longer than the Liberals


  15. 25
    Trinny says:

    I vote for the Pope, but if my first vote doesn’t count, my second vote goes to Allah.


  16. 26
    13eastie says:

    Jesus would give his spare cross to Nigel Farage.


  17. 30
    Uncle Monty says:

    What would Jesus do?

    He’d end up getting himself nailed to a piece of wood.


  18. 32
    Rat's arse says:

    If Jesus saves, he’s on more than me.


  19. 35
    Porkie Pie Pickles says:

    Who put you up to this Guido Tory PPC Charlotte Vere who runs the No to AV site – by any chance….YAWN. Or as she is actually known Charlotte DeVille’ or ‘Cruella Vere’ …LOL


    • 41
      Jesus says:

      LOL you twat.


      • 45
        Porkie Pie Pickles says:

        Stop hiding Guido

        I wonder Guido – the director of the No To AV site is Matthew Elliott. Is that the same Matthew Elliott who runs the that other Tory website “The Tax Payers Alliance”…by any chance.

        Hiding behind anonymous sites ….. YAWN

        Funny how the TPA site has gone down the toilet since the election !!!!!


  20. 37
    annnnoyperson says:

    He’d tell them to keep their noses out. (“Render unto Ceaser…”)


  21. 38
    Hava Nagilah says:

    Why would the rules adopted by the Papal Conclaves have any relevance to the Church of England?


  22. 44
    Gordon Brown says:

    This afternoon i will be a door handle.


  23. 47
    Porkie Pie Pickles says:

    Anti religion from Guido……An Irish Catholic…….LOL


  24. 52
    streamfisher says:

    Would they support a coalition of faiths between Christians, Jews and Muslims? services held in Churchmosqueagogs.


  25. 54
    Paul Marks says:

    “The loony left and the Church do not often go hand in hand”.

    Oh Guido, you sweet innocent.

    Clearly you know little of the Church of England.

    To be serious for a moment….

    Yes it is vile that Bishops think it is their role to lecture us on election systems – both sides of this debate should hold them in utter contempt.


    • 91
      Porkie Pie Pickles says:

      Church of England – looney Left….lost the plot now Guido

      The CoE is a bastion of Tory middle England !!!!!!


    • 145
      Anonymous says:

      and why on earth does Guido call those of use who want to get rid of our broken electoral system “the loony left”? Maybe he’s just trolling for ad revenue…


  26. 56
    dikipedia says:

    The Church “AV will increase the likelihood that the general preference of a majority”

    The general preference of the average bloke is to have a nice thin wife or girlfriend but this does not happen in practice


    • 76
      Sleepless in Kirkaldy says:

      My wife would prefer to have a nice thin husband, but that doesn’t seem to be happening at the moment


  27. 57
    Gordon Brown Impersonator says:

    This afternoon I will STFU.


  28. 58
    The Watcher says:

    The Archdruid, having lost the Biblical Christians to the Roman Catholic Church he probably thinks that AV = AUTHORIZED VERSION of the Bible. As for “What would Jesus do?” He would simply say render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s. God Himself dislikes both democracy (see the Book of Kings esp the change from Judges to Saul) and He hates socialism (see Tower of Babel; end of). He also dislikes representative democracy (see Sodom and Gomorrah) and I suspect He is less than enamoured with the C of E.


    • 69
      Not my Father says:

      agree with you on C of E. turned into a social club with Old buildings.
      Judas replacement was chosen by lots (Acts 1). Would be a lot simpler and would cost a great deal less.


  29. 59
    Nick Clegg Likes the Occasional Fag says:

    The Church of England backs the Lib Dems? Bugger me!


  30. 61
    Religion is a fine invention says:

    AV means getting someone into power that no one voted for in the first place. Labour have a leader that the party never wanted. AV like religion is nonsense.


  31. 64
    Loony Left Top idea says:

    Ah fook it install Sharia Law and we don’t need to vote. We can all be socialist mooslims together.


  32. 65
    Sir William Waad says:

    Oh dear, Guido, you’d better notmention anything to do with religion again. The eyes start to swivel, foam flecks the lips, veins begin to throb, the fingers quiver over the keyboard and….aaarrrgghh! It’s Green Pen Man!


    • 85
      Engineer says:

      I’d noticed that, too. Remarkable how some of those who preach tolerance become spectacularly intolerant at the mention of anything ecclesiastical.

      Still, this is a political blog, and sex does seem to crop up quite frequently on it, so Guido might as well go for the full house, as it were. Bet his dinner parties are a riot, though….


  33. 67
    Anonymous says:

    “AV will increase the likelihood that the general preference of a majority rather than a plurality will shape the choice of MPs, and so Parliament.”

    And that reflects Christ’s teachings how, exactly?


  34. 73

    Render unto Jesus that which is Caesar’s


  35. 75

    I don’t know where I stand (on the issue)


  36. 77
    Voter says:

    does anyybody know why the protests in Jordan are not being highlighted on the British media?

    it appears that there are similar protests going on following those in Egypt. People are getting sick of their governments all over the world and who can blame them?

    maybe time for something similar here, never mind AV chosen by parliamentarians as the only option.

    democracy – WHAT DEMOCRACY


    • 99
      Tapestry says:

      The main soap opera for world TV consumption is Egypt. The other dictators around the region are expected to take their cue and surrender before their countries are taken to pieces when the internet kill-switch is thrown, and the mobs arrive at their door.


  37. 78
    Porkie Pie Pickles says:

    Not talking about your home country election Guido. Ireland don’t they have full PR in elections, eh Guido

    Last Election

    Fianna Fail ( Right Wing Necons ) – 41.5%
    Fine Gael (Irish Nationalists ) – 27.3%
    Labour ( Left of Centre ) – 10.1%
    Sinn Fein ( Ultra Nationalists ) – 7%

    Polls today suggest

    Fianna Fail ( Right Wing Conservative Necons ) – 15% – Oh dear
    Fine Gael ( Irish Nationalists ) – 32% – Oh deary me.
    Labour ( Left of Centre ) – 24% – Interesting
    Sinn Fein ( Ultra Nationalists ) – 14% – Very Interesting

    We could be looking at an Irish Labour PM, within a Sinn Fein coalition. Oh such larks Guido, you would have to give up your Irish passport in protest…LOL


    • 149
      Jatrius says:

      Blueshirts will emigrate to Spain, the home of traditional Catholic democracy. El Guido Falangista with them.


  38. 79
    Pope Rat Zinger says:

    Boys Boys Boys!


  39. 80
    Message from the grave for Red Ted & Mad Ed says:

    ‘We used to think that you could spend your way out of a recession and increase employment by cutting taxes and boosting government spending. I tell you in all candour that that option no longer exists, and in so far as it ever did exist, it only worked on each occasion since the war by injecting a bigger dose of inflation into the economy, followed by a higher level of unemployment as the next step’.

    Labour Party Annual Conference Report 1976, page 188.
    Speech at the Labour Party Conference, 28 September 1976. This part of Jim Callaghan’s speech was written by his son-in-law, future BBC Economics correspondent Peter Jay.


    • 140
      :) says:

      Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.

      Its was page 189.


    • 155
      Anonymous says:

      You should really forward that to the office of David Cameron. This is just the quote he should throw back at Reddie Eddie live on TV the next time the issue is raised in PMQs.

      Well, that and the one about Labour creating the equivalent of a Black Wednesday every day for a year, which someone else posted here a couple of weeks ago.


  40. 84
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I will be Winnie The Pooh.


  41. 93
    Observer says:

    Granted that bishops have seats in Parliament without having to win an election, this is a bit naughty of the old boys. Come back with your opinions, your lordships, once your firm starts employing women bishops.


  42. 94
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    What would Jesus do ? Reveal the winner of the Caption comp ? :-)


  43. 100
    Anonymous says:


    Anybody seen anything of edballs today? Manufacturing output is up and there are strong signs of market growth You’d think, as shadow chancellor he’d want to say something about that.


  44. 102
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Most of the world’s troubles are caused by religion, which is why it has no part in politics.


    • 114
      Engineer says:

      Most of the world’s troubles are caused IN THE NAME OF religion – which is not quite the same thing.

      For every religious fundamentalist (of any religion) there are thousands of quiet, law-abiding believers. They don’t deserve to be blamed for most of the world’s troubles.


      • 147
        Bath plugs for the few. says:

        Not sure how Bartley qualifies as a ‘fundamentalist’. He supports homosexuals in the church and favours liberal theology.


        • 150
          bald old git says:

          Bartley isn’t a fundamentalist; and normally he would be trashing the bishops for presuming to intervene. This time, he appears to like what they say …


    • 115
      I see the unthinking Dawking shills are out in force says:

      No most of the worlds troubles are caused by Politics.


  45. 103
    Bazz says:

    Let’s put all retired folk in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
    They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
    Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
    They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
    They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
    Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
    Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
    Each senior could have a PC, TV/ radio and daily phone calls.
    There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
    The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
    Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
    Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
    Justice for all we say.


  46. 107
    Ranter says:

    Keep religion OUT of politics. Politics is bad enough without a load of nutcases; who believe in a non-existant supreme being and who can be blamed for all sorts of conflict and genocides across the globe for centuries; getting their two pennorth in as well. let one mad Cof E bish in and you have to let a raving mad mullah in. fuck them all. Disestablish the Cof E now.


    • 121
      Pol Pot says:

      I had the same idea and look what happened.


    • 124
      Engineer says:

      You might as well expect politics to be kept out of religion.

      As an aside, religion has taken a far smaller part in British politics over the last few decades. Has politics improved in that time?


      • 135
        John Bull says:

        What world have you been watching? Politics is crippled by religion, unfortunately they’re the ones Britain has successfully controlled or proscribed until after we lost the second world war.


  47. 117
    Dubya Bush says:

    Who would jesus bomb? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!


  48. 123
    Voter says:

    hey guess what?


    Jordanian King sacks government

    What chance this happening here?


    • 133
      John Bull says:

      when the king is still in a position to sack the government( England AD 1640) you know there’s trouble ahead.


  49. 125
    Photoshop says:



  50. 126
    The Church Of England says:

    We want AV because the Lib Dems want it. They are all daisies like us!!


  51. 130
    Bob Crow says:

    Socialism is the only way to bring prosperity to the nation.


  52. 132
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Jesus was very clear on the subject. “My Kingdom is not of this world”. The way in which we govern ourselves on Earth is of little import to Him. “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s” The way we live our lives is of more import. “Render unto God what is God’s”
    He also told the Apostles to choose from amongst themselves his successor as leader of His Church on Earth. This was a simple FPTP system, only Caesar got an AV(E) in those days. However, I wouldn’t expect a Church led (In the loosest term) by a Druid to be too advanced in Casuistry.


  53. 137
    Christy says:

    Turning em all into pillars of salt seems a good idea,something thats useful.


  54. 138
    bird with small brain says:

    The vast majority of people who describe themselves as C of E are in fact atheists, but they quite rationally keep the C of E afterlife policy just in case they are wrong. After all, the C of E makes few demands of you in this life, compared to some other religions.


  55. 146
    Jimmy says:

    Bishop bashing as usual I see.


    • 154
      Legs Eleven says:

      There must be a very good reason somewhere to explain why only bishops slither diagonally on a chess board.


  56. 148

    ad hominem doesn’t mean much to you, does it Guido?


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