January 27th, 2011

Government Defence Organisation Sold Fake Bomb Detectors

Heydon Prowse has discovered that the UK Trade & Investment Defence & Security Organisation (UKTI DSO) was involved in the selling of millions of pounds of fake bomb detectors to foreign governments. Military personnel demonstrated dud products to gullible buyers. Heydon says the full story will be on Newsnight tonight…


  1. 1
    bbitgu says:

    Dont panic!!!!

  2. 2
    bbitgu says:

    The BBC will save the day……….

  3. 3
    Socialism is arseholism. says:

    Panic in Cairo for the dictators! Democracy is coming!

  4. 4
    Ian Hislop ate my water buffalo says:

    As reported in Private Eye, last year.

  5. 5
    bbitgu says:

    OMG , Their will be thousends of claims now , this id going to cost millions , Under whos watch did this happen ?

    I have no sound here .

  6. 6
    Mike Hunt says:

    Top drawer!

    Selling shit that doesn’t work costing vast sums of money because it has a good sounding name.

    Bit like the voters here and ‘New’ Liebour – look how much that stupid decision has cost us all.

  7. 7
    Guido knows my ISP says:

    Nothing new here, it´s well known that the “false ” detectors were sold to the Iraq, I think it was in Private Eye or similar last year

  8. 8
    Oh, good, more refugees says:

    It won’t be secular.

  9. 9
    Timely Request says:

    Now can we have a flakey MP detector?

  10. 10
    Another Engineer says:

    Is this Cumberland Industries by any chance? This has been known for years.


  11. 11
    Mr Brown's magic money tree says:

    Buy my magic beans and grow your own money tree!

  12. 12
    Erm.. says:

    All MPs are flaky

  13. 13
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    Watch, people! Watch in awe as I turn £4billion quids-worth of Nimrords into little bits of twisted metal! Kazaaam!

    hee hee hee.

  14. 14

    And has been on newsnight already. Wasn’t it that contraption that looked like a box of milk tray with an inverted coat hanger on the top?

  15. 15
    Another Engineer says:

    It even has a Wiki article…


  16. 16

    Brilliant. Can you saw a gerrymandered aircraft carrier in half?

  17. 17
    Culloden says:

    And it shall come to pass in the year of our Lord twenty eleven that the people shall turn on the money lenders and they shall ransack the Westminster Palace and behead the high priests (and the bigoted priestesses who know not the off side rule) therein. In every land the food supply chain shall fail and there shall be not enough oil to massage a vestal virgin let alone heat the house or run a car.

    The antipodeans shall be deluged, the crops shall burn, the ice shall melt and the Arabians shall unleash their Jasmine tea.

    In short my friends, panic. The end of the world is nigh.

  18. 18
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    It’ll take a bit longer.

  19. 19
    bbitgu says:

    Death to Denis Macshane!

  20. 20
    Tony Bliar The Voice of Pacifism says:

    Shaddaaaap! Let’s bomb the fook out of Iran!

  21. 21
    Eeu to me says:

    Ten years and billions spent and still nowhere near being finished due to crap radar and keeping the jobs British and you can buy American off the shelf,someone finally said no,shame really as the Nimrod was a good aircraft.

  22. 22
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I prefer Mr. Maker.

    Can you do it in just a minute? No way!!!

  23. 23
    Prizewinner says:

    You’re not the Daily Mail by any chance, are you?

  24. 24
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    well known. But was it known that the UKTI DSO was involved?

  25. 25
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Excellent. Now where did I put my cure for Alz…..who?

  26. 26
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    According to BAE (yeah, OK, a bunch of charlatans but never mind) it’ll cost £200m to get the Nimrod’s airworthy, exactly the same as the cost of scrapping them.

    And then, having scrapped them, Dave’s going to have to buy American planes to replace them.

    Huh? The man’s either stark-staring mad or totally incompetent.

  27. 27
    Hugh Jorgan says:

    Hopefully a few hundred Muslims have been blown up as a result…..RESULT!!!

  28. 28
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    you use the word “quids-worth”. hopefully that’s just an expression- just coz you spend it doesn’t mean its worth it. It appears most the money was indeed wasted, its a bit like those poor sods who spend their lives putting a V-8 engine into a ford poplar and polishing it every week. Seriously: the planes weren’t all the same shape, which makes it a bugger to put new wings on.

    Its one of those projects where they should have realised some time ago that they were throwing good money after bad.

    No doubt it would have played very badly politically if Brown had done it.

  29. 29
    Jesus, Tony's imaginary friend, says:

    Love thine enemy? Thou shalt not kill? Turn the other cheek?

    Hello? Tony? Are you deaf?

    I give up.

  30. 30
    Eeu to me says:

    You they can did it with an old German sub U534? cut it in 3 pieces and is on show at Woodside ferry opposite Liverpool.

  31. 31
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I suggest you look into it. Big white elephants. Non standard parts. Museum pieces.

    possible to get AWACS at 160million a piece, and theres already people trained to fly them and look after them. Cheaper spares too.

  32. 32
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    I’ve had some dealings with DESO (the old MoD agency) and with the re-subordinated UKTI DSO, both in regards of potential sales to Romania and Bulgaria. Based on that I can confidently state that at no point did DESO / UKTI actually check whether what we were proposing to sell performed as claimed (and our interactions with them took place over several months – more than enough time to check our bonafides). They were facilitators / door openers. In my case, there was no concern as the products were demonstrably real and performed the job they were meant to.

    I’ve no idea about this particular instance, but even if the bomb detectors were about as useful as homeopathy, the charge to stick to UKTI DSO is more accurately likely to be failure to perform due diligence, rather than deliberately peddling snake oil to the buyer. Still a pretty embarrassing charge, but materially different from actively colluding in fraud.

  33. 33
    Totaly gnostic says:

    “fake bomb detectors”

    That’s nothing, libore sold us a fake chancelor and a fake PM.

  34. 34
    Eeu to me says:

    What did they say they would cost when they got the contract to build them 10 years ago,why is it costing £200 million to scrap them the metals alone must be worth a fortune,besides they are using contractors kit they use to knock down buildings,just call a decent scrappy in he would charge £20 and you could sell the metal to him.

  35. 35

    Pay attention, the story has developed, they had government help to flog the shit.

  36. 36
    stun says:

    Nope, no mention of property prices…

  37. 37
    bbitgu says:

    any idea under whos watch ?

  38. 38
    Green geeze yer dosh politics says:

    There is no Anthropogenic Global Warming. Snow has caused economic meltdown. Too much hot air in politics. We must heavily tax the taxpayer as a necessary means of reducing this excessive hot air in Politics. The political scientific data proves that we must do it immediately or the economy will continue to go into meltdown and our polar bears will suffer cos our government promised to save them. No government, no polar bears. Please stuff your wonga in a recycled bag and give it to your nearest eco-loon who represents your town/city environmental interests. He/she/it will give you a badge with Sucker on it.

  39. 39
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Actual, social or financial?

  40. 40
    Mustapha P says:

    Too good for him I say.

  41. 41
    bbitgu says:

    All 3 is fine by me.

  42. 42
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    “really good aircraft” I like mosquitos, perhaps they could shove new wings and engines on one of them. It’d be easier because they really are made out of balsa wood.

    I wonder how that new european transporter plane is coming along?

  43. 43
    South of the M4 says:

    But it was essentially a 1950’s design around the original Comet. Expensive to run, limited in ability – and the crews had become unhappy with its safety. One area where Cameron has actually made a tough decision.

  44. 44
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    I read of a German professor (Hans Korth) who works for IBM and has 25 years experience in carbon-dating. He believes that there are 300 “added-on” years from the early Dark Ages, caused by miscalculation at a time when there was very little scientific precision or knowledge. I have no idea if he is correct, but he certainly produces scientific data to support his hypothesis and fellow academics do not rubbish it.

    If he is correct, it’s currently 1711, and your predictions for 2011 don’t worry me unduly….. ;)

  45. 45
    BOB CROW says:


  46. 46
    Another Engineer says:

    Yup. The airframes were ‘coach built’ and therefore different sizes. The electronics are 1990s vintage and there is more technology in a Playstation. The costs had already reached about 4x the original ‘fixed price’.

    A good decision, even if it looks bad.

    Couldn’t they have just bought an Airbus or 737 off the shelf and stuck a radar in it?

    The US did (P-8, I think its called).

  47. 47
    South of the M4 says:

    If this happened under Brown’s watch then there is every reason to believe that it may well have been deliberate fraud.

  48. 48
    How to save £200m quid says:

    You could have parked them in Toxteth overnight and they’d have been gone by the morning.

  49. 49
    Engineer says:

    Give Cammell Laird in Birkenhead a ring. They can. They’ll weld a new bit between the two halves as well, if you ask them nicely.

  50. 50
    Engineer says:

    Wondered where that had gone….

  51. 51
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    that is fairly crackers as ideas go.

    There are all sorts of historical records from the “dark ages” from all sorts of countries. And however much one disagrees with the temperature records of tree rings, they would have noticed that.

  52. 52
    FreeTrader says:


    for those that can’t wait until 2230 tonight:


    Speaks volumes for the competence of defence procurement agencies around the world. They have access to explosives; could they not have arranged a double-blind test of the device’s detection capability? Apparently only the US Navy was not conned.

  53. 53
    smoggie says:

    Why would anyone want to detect fake bombs? They’re harmless.

  54. 54
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    The military are very very adamant they want these things – they’re having kittens – but you and I obviously know better.

    Do you fancy the job of Defence Minister? Liam Fox is crap.

  55. 55

    You can be sure the Beeb will find a way to intimate it was a Conservative-led UKTI DSO that did the business.

  56. 56
    Russian Government says:

    All this time we thought it was the batteries.

  57. 57
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    “military are very very adamant” .. OK I’ll raise you that one for 10p
    Gissa URL.

  58. 58
    John Prescott says:

    I have my own wind power.

  59. 59
    13eastie says:


    The BBC pays dog-owners to smear their pets’ shit outside licence-fee-payers’ homes and then blames Tory cuts.

    BBC Smear Tactics

  60. 60
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Are we allowed to mention engines and wings?

  61. 61
    Tony Blair says:

    Jesus wants me to be rich.

  62. 62
    Eh? says:

    The early Dark Ages were about 1500 to 1000 years ago. Them’s pretty old trees you’re talking about.

  63. 63
    Up sh1t creek says:

    If it’ll be on Newsnight, I will go online, so we can further relive over and over how scummy “our” toff government, opposition, and senior civil servants are…. must be the water in Oxbridge that turns them into scum.

  64. 64
    Norman Arse says:

    Everyone else wants you for a sunbeam!

  65. 65
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    Probably is crackers, and I’m no scientist, but his work is being taken quite seriously.

    If he is right, I’m going to enjoy being a Georgian squire. no income tax, philandering my way around, duelling, buying my seat in a rotten borough. And best of all, no Labour party.

  66. 66
    Engineer says:

    Fit yourself with a gas turbine, and you could get twice the bang for your buck.

  67. 67
    bbitgu says:

    Death to Nick Robinson!

  68. 68
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    It makes a change. Normally useless equipment is sold to the MOD, cf snatch Landrovers, SA 80 and Chinook helicoptors.

  69. 69
    Gordon Brown says:

    I hope you’ve all bought my book.

  70. 70
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Yes – but who’s watch was this on?

  71. 71
    bbitgu says:

    Did the BBC ever do documentry on labours spending increases and the extra tax we have to pay for it ?

  72. 72
    Engineer says:

    Bog oaks. They fell into peaty boggy bits of countryside and were pickled. Every so often, one gets dug up during farming or similar operations. The fine cabinetmakers go mad for it, because it’s mostly jet black. The dendrochronologists love it too, because they can fill in gaps in their records.

  73. 73
    Desperate Dan says:

    “the full story will be on Newsnight tonight…”

    That a bit like saying there’ll be an interesting article in The Guardian tomorrow.

  74. 74
    bbitgu says:

    No , Now fuck off and die your scotish retarded mong !

  75. 75
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Quite right. 100’s of aircrew will sleep more soundly now Nimrod is scrapped.

  76. 76
    bbitgu says:

    Or Rich and Mark do a funny cartoon.

  77. 77
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    No Labour Party – no rotten boroughs.

  78. 78
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Lots of people want him for Crimes against Humanity.

  79. 79
    poster no. 329 says:

    No, that was investment Billy remember? And where did this ‘we’ come from you Kiwi bastard?

  80. 80
    stun says:

    If they made the carriers a bit longer, they could land the Nimrods on them

  81. 81
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    According to popular legend, he already does.

  82. 82
    Al-kaida says:

    They are no longer useless, we are buying up the surplus stock and converting them into portable sized bombs, the perfect Trojan horse.

  83. 83
    GrumpyBearz says:

    That’ll never happen!

  84. 84
    ++BREAKING++ says:

    Fucking disgusting. In a decent world, both c-unts, especially Brown, would be up for war crimes.

    Tony Blair’s government lacked coherence and failed to deliver on equipment in the Iraq war, the former head of UK armed forces has said.

    Admiral Lord Boyce said the Treasury had to be “beaten over the head” to deliver on Mr Blair’s cash promises.

    And “half the cabinet” did not think the country was even at war.

    He also dismissed claims in a secret document that the US had been promised an “armoured division” as early as May 2002 saying it was a misunderstanding.

    Tony Blair has repeatedly told the Iraq inquiry that he never rejected any requests for equipment from the military in Iraq.

    But Lord Boyce said that when the requests landed on the desk of then Chancellor Gordon Brown, “there was a brick wall” – and that had had an impact on the speed of preparations for war.

  85. 85
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Be Fair. The Guardian has had the odd interesting article.

  86. 86
    Centre Parting says:

    All of these old duffers claiming military kit shouldn’t be scrapped.
    They know it all now they have retired on their huge pensions – why didn’t they sort it properly when they were on duty?
    I don’t know how they ‘commanded’ any respect, but between them and civil servants they made a bollocks of the whole thing risking troops’ lives in the process.

    Careers talk to parents at school 35 years ago- ” if your son can’t find anything, they can always try the forces” – we are still suffering the overhang from it – I think it is improving now.

  87. 87
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nobody loves me.

  88. 88
    JohnOfEnfield says:

    I knew Bob Ainsworth wasn’t up to the job!

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    It would be the end of the world if some fucking gypsie sink estate sprang up overnight next door, so don’t knock the Mail.

  90. 90
    No Vexation without Representation says:

    One Mosque, One vote

  91. 91
    streamfisher says:

    Odd rabid articles, writing articles.

  92. 92
    Archbishop of Dingleberry says:

    Couldn’t happen here, of course, at least, not in the House of Lords

  93. 93
    Ha Ha says:

    Excerpt of latest review for McDoom’s book on Amazon:

    Even the title is misleading. 2008-10 was not the first crisis of globalisation: that was in 1929, when the Wall Street Crash led to the great depression. It was not even a global crisis anyway – the ‘new’ BRIC economies (Brazil, Russia, India, China) largely continued to grow, as did most of the ‘old’ economies too: Canada, Australia, Germany, most of non-eurozone Europe, etc. The UK was, in truth, one of the relatively few countries to get caught out.

    So, why did that happen? Well, according to Brown, it was all the fault of the banks. They lent money on high-risk ventures and didn’t tell Brown what they were doing. And that’s it; the defence rests its case. 300 pages of charmless, densely-written verbiage can be distilled into three words: ‘not me, guv!’

    Brown doesn’t mention, of course, that it was his job to find out what the banks were doing. But then again he doesn’t mention a lot of things. For example, here are some of the things that Brown DOESN’T think caused the UK economy to come within 48 hours (as he claims at one point) of collapse: public spending reaching 50% of GDP; a reliance on the City to pay almost all the country’s bills; a national debt that accounts for 25% of GDP in interest payments; incentive-destroying taxation; the destruction of private sector pensions; his decision to replace a banking regulatory system that had worked for 300 years with his own ‘light touch’ version that failed immediately; 13 years of treating the UK economy as a short-term way of buying Labour votes with pork-barrel spending (particularly in Scotland and Wales) rather than as the long-term engine for national success.

    I could go on, but you get the picture. None of the above gets mentioned; not even to allow him to defend them or explain why he thought they were a good idea at the time. Brown’s culpability for the near-collapse of the economy is air-brushed out of this ‘history’ as completely as he seems to have air-brushed it out of his own mind. Instead, we get the well-worn spin of how Brown saved the world from financial meltdown by coming up with the idea (on a plane back from Washington, or so he claims) of recapitalising the banks. Except, of course, that he didn’t; all he did was copy the Swedish government’s response, up-scale it and claim to have invented it himself. As a short-term expedient it was as good as any other (although it has ultimately saddled the taxpayers with a £1.3 trillion debt); as a long-term solution it was quietly abandoned within weeks of being announced at the G20 Summit in London in 2009.

    So, even by the usual standards of a politician’s memoirs, ‘Beyond the Crash’ is partisan, self-serving and dishonest. At least in their memoirs Major, Thatcher and Blair admit to making mistakes; furthermore, they all recognise how the Law of Unintended Consequences acted on their Premierships. But not Brown. Not even once. The only version of events he wants us to believe is the one in which he was right and everybody else was wrong, every time. It was all the iceberg’s fault for crashing into the Titanic; the Captain says so himself. (And, incidentally, talking of Blair, he’s mentioned only once in passing while Mandelson – Brown’s Business Secretary and effectively the Deputy PM throughout all of this – doesn’t get a mention at all. Not only did Brown save the world, he did it single-handed!)

    PS. I ought to say a bit about Brown’s prose style. Well, it’s not as bad as his handling of the economy but he’s no writer. Think of him announcing the latest tractor production statistics to the Kirkaldy and Cowdenbeath Chamber of Commerce and you’ll get the idea.

  94. 94
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    But of course, Sir.


    Now, for the next act, may I introduce Conjurer Ken Clarke and his magical disappearing prisons?

  95. 95
    Oooo says:

    But not necessarily in a very nice way

  96. 96
    Sir William Waad says:

    I thought we used our soldiers as bomb detectors?

  97. 97
    Things you don't want next door says:

    Or a mosque.

  98. 98
  99. 99
    A Fine Pair of Lungs watching the BBC making a complete arse of themselves says:

    Ed Balls says they never returned the dodgy goods in 28 days required for a full refund. So stuff them.

  100. 100
    Ratsniffer says:

    Did they ever do a documentary on our gold reserves being flogged off cheap…net loss to Mr & Mrs Taxpayer circa 7 billion?

  101. 101
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    Only interesting because they are odd, mind. A bit like mental health professionals finding a visit to a lunatic asylum “interesting”.

  102. 102
    Mandy says:

    What’s this about a bum detector?

  103. 103
    bbitgu says:

    Death to Ed Balls !

  104. 104
    streamfisher says:

    Thanks for the translation.

  105. 105
    Exclusive says:

    Were they as expensive as Nimrod?

  106. 106
    Sir William Waad says:

    I’m pretty sure that people in the ‘Dark Ages’ could count, even if they had to do so in Latin. On the other hand Herr Professor Korth can’t.

  107. 107
    Sir Stuart Bell-End MP says:

    Good evening little people!

    I just thought I’d pop in, say hello and remind you of how wealthy I have become by doing nothing whatsoever for my constituents!


  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    I look forward to all those anti Brown books emerging from a left wing dominated academia………not.

  109. 109
    Exclusive says:


  110. 110
    Chocolate Pants Mandelson says:

    I have a chocolate t- pot, chocolate sun dial and a chocolate parasol for sale. Any takers? Useful in a heatwave. Do I have a bidder?

  111. 111
    Anonymous says:

    There’s a significant number (make that a majority) of mid-ranking MOD staff of all 3 services plus civil servants who strongly believe that the outcome of the SDSR was completely and fatally skewed by the successful policy of half a dozen very senior serving RAF officers to maintain large numbers of fast jets at the expense of every other type of airframe (transport, airborne surveillance, etc). The sole concession they were forced to make was to drop the Harrier, which funnily enough is mostly flown by the Fleet Air Arm. The operational role of the Nimrod MRA4 was simply not sexy enough for the 2-winged Master Race of senior RAF officers who had been promoted to the top of the service simply because of their personal backgrounds as fast jet pilots.

    Add to that opening position the fact that when in years to come the need for maritime patrol is realised then the RAF can get back into the Market for a Boeing and expand the number of Squadrons again, then “result”. The Army and Navy can get fucked.

  112. 112
    Eeu to me says:

    Jeez I thought we only had one Kiwi on this blog,Barnsley Bill and he’s just a toy Kiwi.

  113. 113
    The last quango in paris says:

    Whoever wrote that is a genius

  114. 114
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    I thought he said “So what”.

  115. 115
    what it says on the tin says:

    “Government Defence Organisation Sold Fake Bomb Detectors”

    Tut tut, this could lead to the perception that our government is full of con artists and tricksters.

  116. 116
    Exclusive says:

    Or a Synagogue.

  117. 117
    Gordon Brown says:

    Why would anyone want to hack into this silly cow’s phone?

    Unless, of course, she has been up to something naughty again.


  118. 118
    Snotgobbler says:

    A brilliant review praising my fabulous book. Thank you.

  119. 119
    Bob Crow says:

    Socialism is the answer.

  120. 120
    The wizz says:

    Much more! and then some.

  121. 121
    the question says:

    What has killed an estimated 150 million people worldwide?

  122. 122
    Once more unto the breach.... says:

    didn’t Private Eye cover this months ago?

  123. 123
    bbitgu says:

    Death to Socailisim!

  124. 124
    Ha Ha says:

    By contrast, check out this stomach turningly fawning review, most likely written by a Labour plant.

    To understand the reasons for the Bank Of England being given independence, the UK not joining the Euro and for why we are not in a Depression and instead a recession, this book gives an explanation with easy to understand narration, why and how such important decisions were taken.

    Gordon Brown, although not a very media friendly man, and a man of direct concise words, the book sheds new light into the thought behind many of the changes that have sheltered Britain from something far more chaotic. We are continually reminded that even with the bailout of now nationalised banks, there is a guarantee of the tax payer making a substantial profit on the cost of shares bought to inject capital into them.

    There will be much argument on the effectiveness of Gordon Brown as a Prime Minister, but with being the Chancellor, there is little doubt that any other person in government would have had the potential or even the expertise to manage and get Britain through such a crisis. This book clearly reflects the struggle of one man to help protect a country from economic collapse, and how he was not easily understood.

  125. 125
    Postlethwaite says:

    wikileaks were gagged

  126. 126
    bbitgu the Peewee Kiwi says:

    not New Zealand then ?

  127. 127
    gildedtumbril says:

    Chinook helicopters are not useless. It was the bloody software that was useless, snd of course the MoD.

  128. 128
  129. 129
    lolol says:

    that’s why it’s a SC00P!

  130. 130
    Ha Ha says:

    An even funnier one. A one line review by “Susan” who, strangely enough, has never reviewed another book on Amazon and is listed as a “new reviewer”. I bet!

    If there’s one book you buy this year, make it this one!! Brilliant insight into politics and Gordon Brown. Enjoyed the full book!!!

  131. 131
    The wizz says:

    Yes Sir Bill, that seems to be the correct assumption. Pity we can’t send the useless civil servants out there to show the lads how it should be done.

  132. 132
    The Question says:

    What if I hate humanity including myself and seethe with jealousy?

  133. 133
    Gordon 'no head for figures' Brown says:

    No mention of the army of civil servants at the Treasury who actually think up and implement these schemes then?

  134. 134
    Polly Tuscany says:

    Why do you hate socialism, Billy?

  135. 135
    gildedtumbril says:

    Sadly, sir Willy, that is true. And the ‘roadside’ bombs are under the road, surely? I believe that as our lads sweep a few hundred yards a squad of arfgooney roadsweepers are planting new replacements behind. Oh! and what a blessing it is that these explosives are ‘improvised’ and not bought over the counter at Woolworths…
    Get our boys out of foreign shitholes now. We have a shithole here that needs protection.

  136. 136
    bbitgu says:

    Death to Polly!

  137. 137
    Strange but true says:

    Well, this is old news anyway Guido.

    But anyone daft enough to think that an electronic chip can detect a bomb needs their head examining or a rocket up their arse.

  138. 138
    Polly Tuscany says:

    But I love you, Billy.

  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    not by Polly thats for sure. socialist bastard

  140. 140
  141. 141
    gildedtumbril says:

    Prof, Hans Korth, what’s he worth? Does he not know we are in a dark age now?
    And 1711? What has eleven minutes past five got to do with it?

  142. 142
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    “there is a guarantee of the tax payer making a substantial profit on the cost of shares bought to inject capital into them.”

    Yeah, we’re only £9 billion out of pocket up to press..!

    The taxpayer will get its guaranteed profits when Nelson gets his eye back.

  143. 143
    Lord Fumblebum De H'pool says:

    This sort of thing would have never have happened on my watch.

  144. 144
    What goes around... says:

    Mubarak is America’s Puppet Dictator. This won’t end well.

  145. 145
    Retch says:

    I think tonight’s Question Time panel may well be the most vomit inducing panel of annoying fuckers that’s ever been invited onto the programme.

    Chris Huhne, Chuka Umunna, Edwina Currie, Kate Hopkins (odious former Apprentice contestant) and Will Self.

    I won’t be watching.

  146. 146
    Move along now. says:

    Just the BBC blowing their own trumpet (yet again) this scam was exposed months ago.

  147. 147
    Mike Litorus says:

    As long as it is Bliars/McMentals crayon X on the export license, we can get that treason charge rolling…

  148. 148
    13eastie says:

    Then you would vote Labour.

  149. 149
    Nick Griffin says:

    Becoz they are stinking scum. Seig heil!

  150. 150
    John Bull says:

    We don’t want hordes of sand nigels swarming in as well ffs.

  151. 151
    AnotherAnon. says:

    Complete waste of time,won’t being watching that either.

  152. 152
    Anonymous says:

    I gave up watching after the election. Knew what it would be like, and don’t miss it one bit. Fuck the BBC.

  153. 153
    Just a heartbeat away says:

    Poor old Rupert’s going to have to dig deep into his pocket to pay out all those claims for damages, when it transpires his minions went through the directory from A to Z.
    I wonder what the talk was over the dining table between Cameron and James Murdoch at Christmas?

  154. 154
    Boom operator says:

    Will Self can put on a show, but as for the rest, Wolferine in the BBC tea.

  155. 155
    Mr Plum says:

    F–k me, its worse than last weeks

  156. 156
    Chorus of 649 says:


  157. 157
    John Bull says:

    Will is alright, He went up in my estimation when he lambasted that thieving Welsh hypocrite Kinnock on HIGNFY.

  158. 158
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The crumbliest,flakiest ex-prime minister, in the world.

  159. 159
    c.eng says:

    How many outdated converted Comets costing billlions to date and billions in future, do the Germans have ?
    I rest my case.

  160. 160
    Anonymous says:

    Are you the knobber that lives in Paris while representing some shit hole of the northeast?

  161. 161
    Doc Willoughby says:

    Only the mild cases.
    The seriously affected usually enter politics.

    No Charge.

  162. 162
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    thank you Engineer. I was just going to say “I fucking give up”.

    The gaps are filled in. they just get more precise data about local conditions/disease/other fun filled thing.

  163. 163
    c.eng says:

    No mention of the locusts then.

  164. 164
    Retch says:

    I like Will too but it’ll just be one hour of Chucky showboating for audience applause. He’s a slimy self-satsifed prick. Which makes this all the more enjoyable:

  165. 165
    Road_Hog says:

    They’ve taken their time with this one, this is a clip from Newsnight from January 27th 2010


  166. 166
    Eeu to me says:

    No problem James we can make phone hacking legal and then you can take all the people who blame your companies to the courts and claim damages from them,just leave the keys to that big suitcase you have with you,or maybe words to that effect.

  167. 167
    Anonymous says:

    What political “philosophy” would make an adherent a congenital fuck wit? And beyond causing internal mental damage to an adherent, is so virulently dangerous to democracy, liberty, and being somewhere close to a balanced budget that it must be sought out and destroyed wherever it is found?

  168. 168
    Bill Quango MP says:

    A friend of mine is a Nimrod pilot.
    He loved them.
    They used to fly from that dump in Scotland to Kabul, fly around for a bit, then back home.
    He said if an engine cut out they never used to worry. Plenty of power left.
    But after the burning plane where the crew died they had to abort for ANY incident. So if the coffee pot shut down, home they went. This was simply to prevent another PR disaster and avoid a massive compensation claim from the widows of the aircrew.
    Pilot friend said they barely got further than Aberdeen. in a 50 year old aircraft something goes wrong all the time.

    He still loved that crate. God knows why. It was about as advanced as the B-29 that the Yanks did away with in the 1960s.

  169. 169
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Young Master Gilmore charged with violent disorder.


    Which will carry the longer sentence, damage to the manikin leg or the Cenotaph?

  170. 170
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    funny card that Mr. Conjurer.
    I had precisely the same one in my hand.
    I’ve not got “the register” URL to hand, but they go into it in much better detail than i ever could.

    Anyway: those RETIRED military men weren’t in the loop.
    Their conclusion is “it is not perverse to suggest that the gap left by broken Nimrods should be readdressed”
    Which is basically it. They say we need the capability.

    Its a bit like saying “we need a car, and its a pity we’ve scrapped the ford poplar”.

    you are wrong to state “The military are very very adamant”, because a bunch of retired guys are not “the military” and they aren’t very adamant about having nimrods.

  171. 171
    The Devil's Handcart says:

    Makes you realize what a shit state we’re in.

  172. 172
    Tom Denning says:

    But what if by prosecuting the culprits, they decide to sing like the proverbial canaries, and it uncovers corruption within the Met, with officers taking bungs from hacks?
    We can’t have that.

  173. 173
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Proabably too much development.
    Hows about making a drone that’ll do it for 10 years time. it’ll be all the rage.

    (I think it would have been “bloody perfect” if the press photos of them breaking up the antiques today had come from some sort of drone aircraft)

  174. 174
    Bill Quango MP says:

    the MRA4 project has now achieved the unwelcome distinction of producing the most expensive aircraft ever made: with a reported £4.1bn spent, just one is airworthy.

    By comparison, a new Space Shuttle would cost about £1.75bn at current rates if it were built today1. Even the staggeringly expensive B-2 nuclear Stealth bombers only cost £1.3bn apiece.

  175. 175
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    yes. they had popes and all sorts.

    Pope Gregory I (Latin: Gregorius I) (c. 540 – 12 March 604), better known in English as Gregory the Great, was pope from 3 September 590 until his death. Gregory is well known for his writings, which were more prolific than those of any of his predecessors as pope.

    He is the patron saint of musicians, singers, students, teachers and pies.

  176. 176
    Pedant says:

    Oh, Nick, it’s spelt “Sieg”.

  177. 177
    Charlie says:

    I’m on a gap yah.

  178. 178
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    A while ago, we were all belgian.

  179. 179
    jesus music says:

    Better tune in to N*wsni*ht then.

  180. 180
    Derek Trotter MP says:

    They sold a Common Market of trading partners to the nation, so what’s a few dodgy electrical goods?

  181. 181
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    the MRA4 was not fit for purpose.

  182. 182
    Anonymous says:

    FFS, Bill

    Had a few Bombay Slings tonight?

  183. 183
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    “Anyway: those RETIRED military men weren’t in the loop.”

    There you GO, Mr Sockpuppet! That was my card!

    They’re retired. What do they know? They merely spent their enture working lives in the military, defending Britain. Their knowledge expired the moment they collected their pension. No nothings, all of them!

    You and I, however, with no military experience whatsoever (apart from a trip to Biggin Hill in the 1970s), know everything. My God, man, you need to be in my cabinet. I could do with a chap like you in the MoD.

  184. 184
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I totally agwee !

  185. 185
    Adam Ant says:

    You called?

  186. 186
    Professor Piehead says:

    I had it as -300.

  187. 187
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Er, no.

  188. 188
    Eeu to me says:

    As they said today plod have a big PR dept and like to keep on the newspapers side as they don’t like bad publicity,culprits can sing all they like and the song might be heard around the Scotland yard area but will be muffled when it reaches Wapping.

  189. 189
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Mr Quango.
    Slightly unfair to divide 4.1bn by 1 because we’d have had more.

    perhaps HOTOL – millions of quid divided by zero makes infinity!

  190. 190
    John Major's Face Full of Curry says:

    Oh yes!

  191. 191
    Lilith says:

    2003 and 2004 were the dates on the documents in the clip

  192. 192
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Mickey Mouse’s.

  193. 193
    Smear Chuka says:

    Racist !

  194. 194
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    Socialism is wonderful. I love it, and I Hattie Harman, whose equality laws I pushed through Parliament the other day. They’ll only cost you £30m per year.

    Now, for my next trick, I’m going to make £11bn p/a disappear into the ether marked “fore*ign a*id”. AKA Afr*ican Dictat*ors’ Pockets.

  195. 195
    The Blame Game says:

    Damn shame Murdoch doesn’t control every Newspaper and TV station or he might get away with that.

    Looks like the shareholders aren’t amused either.

    Rupert will throw one of his old big name editors to the wolves to make it look like he’s mucking out the pigsty.

    But who ??

  196. 196
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Mr. Conjurer: So you’re not addressing any of the main facts, and jumping up and down on the sidelines, a bet you were one of those debating society knobends.

    But about those chaps: You didn’t read their letter properly? I’ve said that. To simplify things for you:
    “SIR – Without any explanation, the Security and Defence Review announced that the Nimrod MR4 maritime patrol aircraft would not be brought into service.” So they don’t know the explanation.

  197. 197
    A Fine Pair of Lungs watching the BBC make a complete arse of themselves says:

    God what a bunch of arsewipes on QT tnite. I have not watched this pathetic show posing as serious political debate for ages now. It’s dire and desperate. God! Do they still have planted questions? Are the audience still made up of the usual hybrid of sheeple and clapping seals?

  198. 198
    Andy Gray says:

    I got off with a dyslexic bird last night.

    She cooked ma sock.

  199. 199
    Anonymous says:


  200. 200
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Window and tea tax though.

  201. 201
    Grammar School Boy says:

    He’ll hopefully enjoy more than a few months’ at Her Majesty’s Pleasure.

    That ought to give him some backbone and bring a tear to his eye!!

  202. 202
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    All in all he’s just a just another prick in Whitehall

  203. 203
    Lilith says:

    Geoff Hoon

  204. 204
    Postlethwaite says:

    Reminds me of the French oil company Elf (SNEAP) who many (~35) years ago bought an oil sniffing device.
    It was mounted in an airplane and flying along could sniff oil two miles underground.
    At the time they paid a huge amount – some 200 million quid for it.
    Tried it out flying over the Lacq field . . . . and it worked (!).
    Elf got most of their money back, but just goes to show what happens when the civil service or equivalent is allowed to rampage around with our money.
    Laughing stock or what?

  205. 205
    Anonymous says:

    In the words of King Eric of Old Trafford, he will undoubtedly lob a few sardines overboard to keep the seagulls happy, but if it’s revealed Labour MPs were targeted wholesale, he has a big problem.

  206. 206
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    Oh, for Heaven’s sake, sockpuppet! Do you want the job or not?

    I’ve just mashed £4 billion pounds of military equipment which the military says it needs to protect us, which it says are needed to save mariners’ lives, defend our isles and protect the Trident fleet, and you, you who want the Nimrods destroyed, are arguing with me?

    There really is no pleasing some people.

  207. 207
    Jethro says:

    Down ‘ere, in the far South West, a grope – sorry – a group of highly-skint – sorry, highly-skilled – Scientists and Engineers, have bin working on a problem that has long vexed mankind. Among them, is Professor Wolfram Tungsten, who holds the chair of Granitology at the University of Long Rock, Dr. Joe Pascoe, Reader (Emeritus) in Sand Studies at the University of Carbis Bay, and, a newcomer to our team, seconded from Geelong, Dr. Bruce Antipodes – a specialist in Surfboards and Budgie Smuggling. They have been toiling at the perennial conundrum, and also addressing themselves to the vexed question of all vexed questions: ‘Did you?’ and also, ‘Am I really bothered?’
    With the able assistance of Makhtoum Gravedigger and Avi Effendi-Dew, this tireless group has been working on the Ultimate Question. Forget Higgs’ Boson; ignore the Hadron Collider. ‘Ere, down in Cornwall, where the junket never sets, and we get liquid sunshine most days, this interpid team (it would’ve been an intrepid team, but the Reader (Emeritus) is dyslexic) has been feverishly working on a cast-iron prototype of its face-saving, if not life-saving, machine, The Fake Orgasm Detector.

  208. 208
    nell says:

    Fake bomb detectors.

    That sounds so like the sort of scam antbustinagut and kevan would pull doesn’t it?

  209. 209
    a doctor says:

    wash your mouth out

  210. 210

    Do I have a bladder don’t you mean?

  211. 211


    “Asked backstage if he felt there were enough women on Top Gear, presenter Jeremy Clarkson quipped: “Who do you think tucks our microphone cables in?”

    It was a direct reference to the video footage that fed into the furore that has seen Andy Gray and Richard Keys leave their jobs at Sky.
    Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell The X Factor was named best talent show

    Clarkson went on to say that the sexism row raised the danger of people being punished for “heresy by thought”.

  212. 212
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Why isn’t this scandal called phonegate?
    I thought it was compulsory to ‘gate’ a scandal.

    And why, when it was in 2005 that this all kicked off, didn’t Labour go berserk.
    Is it because because the ‘evil empire’ was on Tony’s side?
    Was it because they were trying to get Coulson to replace Campbell?
    Was it because Gordon was phoning Tony’s voicemail every hour to get his secrets?

  213. 213
    Peter Tatchell says:

    Or a B&B run by Christians.

  214. 214
    Anonymous says:

    Is that the world’s longest anagram?

  215. 215
    Anonymous says:

    Quite probably. That made the Air Staff’s arguments all the more persuasive. Ask why the MRA4 was not fit for purpose in 2012 and you will find that the answer is mostly due to repeated changes in specification (causing over a decade of delay) requested by previous Air Staff officers over the period 1996-2004, and partly because BAE Systems failed to perform an adequate engineering design on their original bid. Throw in some political favours for retaining the job with British industry throughout the period when it became apparent that better solutions were available from the US and you have your answer. Not a pretty answer, but accurate.

    From another perspective, it was abundantly apparent from 2005 that MRA4 was a crock of shit. It is a matter of record that the RAF fought increasingly hard to maintain the programme in the various annual planning rounds from 2005-2009. Why? Was it possibly because they knew – as did all sentient people in the MOD – that there were going to be some truly vicious cuts coming up? What better for a service to retain a programme that could later be culled in order to preserve other programmes?

  216. 216
    Anonymous says:

    Was it because the boys in blue are in it up to their necks?

  217. 217
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Mostly public sector workers with the odd SME owner and anarchist.
    Play “Guess the questions.”

    1. Phonegate. How smug are the BBC? Murdoch threat recedes.
    2. Andy Coulson and Alan Johnson quitting leaves only the Oxbridge set in government.
    3. -0.5% growth. Is this better than 0% growth? Is it time to stop the cuts that the government haven’t started yet, that have caused this decline.
    4. Should men be sacked for being sexist pigs? I’m reminded of Larry Miller – “if women really knew what we were thinking they would never stop slapping us”
    5. Control orders – A lot of fuss for 8 people?


  218. 218
    Ken Dodds Dads Dogs Dead says:

    I thought we were buying RC-135 Rivet Joint planes from the Americans to replace them. Aren’t some RAF crews in the US already training on them?

  219. 219
    jesus music says:

    Are you bored with waking up every morning?

  220. 220
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    It certainly wasn’t fit for purpose. Now it fits in a litter bin! Well, quite a few litter bins.

    The military aren’t laughing, but I am.

  221. 221
  222. 222
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Maybe it was Inspector Clouseau.

    “You have invented a Bearm detector?”

  223. 223
    Colonel Blimp says:

    I thought you were dead, Pete.

  224. 224
    Heydon Prowse says:


    Those diving rods were in working order when they left our factory.

  225. 225
    pip pip says:

    Reminds me of that chap about to be banged up for expenses, Lord Strangely-Brown.

  226. 226
    Heydon Prowse says:


    * divining

  227. 227
    pip pip says:

    6. Has British islamophobia contributed to the unrest in bongobongoland?
    7. Will working class Ed Bollox wipe the floor with bullingdon toff Osborne?
    8. Does my bum look big in this 1 Billion pound makeover?

    contd p.74

  228. 228
    Single shot says:

    It would seem British soldiers are being used as bomb detectors.

  229. 229
    Wavy Davy the Aero to Blair says:

    The most air filled,lightweight,bubbleheaded Prime Minister in the world.

    No wonder Dodgy David Cameron is a millionaire.

    The taxpayer even buys his choc bars.

    His Commons expenses show piddling claims for 40p Aeros and Maltesers.

  230. 230
    Sales of Goods Act says:

    Hang on.. if these planes, which I assume weren’t exactly of merchantable quality, didn’t work, isn’t it going to be tricky to get the supplier to refund the £4bn if Cameron’s, er, had the planes smashed to bits?

  231. 231
    Andy Coulson says:

    Any tips for my Diaries ?

  232. 232

    I totally agwee !

  233. 233
    jesus music says:

    But you will watch it anyway. Is Will Self on?

  234. 234
    Anna Gram says:

    never mind Higgs boson, his Chief Petty Officer is fucking furious.

  235. 235

    death to New Zealand!

  236. 236

    This is such an old story
    i remember this on world in action years ago
    here is the same story from 2009 !


  237. 237
    MoD porkbarrel networking says:

    why bother detecting fake bombs? that’s just stupid.

  238. 238
    Vietghanistan says:

    but they are perfectly safe now

  239. 239
    Elsie Beattie, 83 and a bit says:

    9. My savings aren’t keeping up with inflation. Is it time for me to die?

  240. 240
    six months in jail says:

    well you don’t seriously expect Fawkes to comment on the growing clusterfuck at the NOTW and around coulson.. do you ?

    when ignoring a story, old news is good news

  241. 241
    Anonymous says:

    You are right, and most knew it. But you have to ask yourself why the Air Staff puffed the programme relentlessly from 2004-2009 as being “vital”. Most of us believe that from about 2005 onwards the Air Staff knew they needed a sacrificial big programme as a hedge against a future rainy day. Add to that collusion of interest between the RAF and homegrown northern/Scottish politicians beholden to BAE Systems and you have a coalition of connivance.

    If the programme had been cancelled in 2005, the saving to the taxpayer would be enough to obviate the need for the VAT hike in 2010, and we’d have gone into the SDSR with a more balanced force.

  242. 242
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Did Brillo just refer to him as the chief window licker?

  243. 243
    dont do the crime if you can't do the time says:

    what happened is the hacks and plod didn’t realise that because a Royal was involved [so they had to act], that didn’t mean the law ONLY applied to the Royals

    they found this out the hard way when the trial started the snowball of names and numbers down the hill and then the settlements made it gather speed

    now that snowball is getting as enormous as the settlement payments as more and more of the 3000 names and numbers keep leaking out

  244. 244
    Elsie Beattie, 83 and a bit says:

    You are right, dear. This story is so last year.

    My wiggley-wigglies start trembling when I pass a burka in the street.

    Is this a seventh sense?

    Should I expose them to my local filth?

  245. 245
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    OK, I’m starting to think you’re a poor quality Puul Daniels.
    I was interested in what was actually going on with this and now you’re just taking the piss. but what the hell. I’ve got piss to be taken.

    the military, even the old guys, wanted the capability to look for submarines. And its a pity that they’d have been given creaky old shite that’ve been badly stuck together with duct tape by ex-trawlermen from blackpool. And would have cost more and more for the cough fine engineers of warton to glue back together every single week.

  246. 246
    MM and O says:

    Why would Labour protect the Met after suffering the indignity of being grilled by the cash for honours investigation?

  247. 247
    Chloe Sal Gerbeeba says:

    The BBC will save the day………

    with their fake TV detector vans.

  248. 248
    Anonymous says:

    Said the red herring.

  249. 249
    Charlie Gilmour says:

    Please please don’t send me to prison. I promise I won’t do it again.

  250. 250
    Anne Deakullson says:

    And who want to hack your phone ? Only someone with a deathwish, surely.

  251. 251
    Pedant says:

    surely being able to detect fake bombs is very useful

    or am I missing something….

  252. 252
    Jethro says:

    The Cabin boy
    Filled with joy
    He was a saucy nipper…

  253. 253
    C Wright-Threwitt says:

    We guessed already.

  254. 254
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    That is where my money would be – the useless prick was the worst Defence Secretary in living memory.

  255. 255
    Judge Jethro says:

    If you promise not to do it again, you probably will – once you’re let out. If you hang, you certainly won’t do it again. Pass me the black cap…

  256. 256
    Aunty says:

    Climate-gate didn’t happen, now move along there’s nothing to see here.

  257. 257
    Laban says:

    Isn’t Heydon Prowse the public-school luvvie who wired himself up for a lunch with Alan Duncan?

  258. 258
    Ted Grimley, taxidermist to the quality says:

    He’d look nice in a glass case. Fill ‘im wiv polystyrene beads and sew ‘im up the back.

  259. 259

    Talk about old news even the “Quote of the day” is from 1972 !
    but i suppose it was quoted on a day
    even if it was almost 40 years ago !

  260. 260
    White Van Man says:

    Must be catchy like the swine flu eh?

  261. 261
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin says:

    I thought I’d stealth-taxed your pension to oblivion and decimated your savings. How come you’ve got some money left ???

  262. 262
    Seymour Wickford says:

    Want a tip for your diaries, AC ?
    There’s one just down the road from you.
    It’s called Basildon.

  263. 263
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    You are, of course, correct – but the RAF still ended up with bloody useless Chinooks, which Gordoom, having nothing. but praise for the troops, ensured stayed useless.

  264. 264

    Hey andy i believe you are about to sue sky sports
    your mate was on 5 live this morning and he let it slip
    i’d love to know on what grounds ?
    i think if you want some free cash
    you would have had more chance on the “Oh My God Someone Tapped MY Phone” band waggon !

  265. 265
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Err…. Woolies went bust a vew years ago, didn’t they?

  266. 266
  267. 267
    not me gov says:

    Who said they protected the Met?
    Most people didn’t have a clue what they were up to and you can be sure after the internal investigations by themselves it will turn out the Met top brass were equally in the dark.

  268. 268
    Jatrius says:

    Please God, Let it have been Mandy’s…

  269. 269
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Bill. I was i/c crash line at a Nimrod Stn in the “80s. They were catching fire in mid air out of sheer perversity then. They were still flying-without mod – 30 years later.

  270. 270
    nell says:

    You speak the truth!

    brown for selling our lads and lasses short by cutting off support and money and bliar(and alastairc) for telling lies and getting us into wars we shouldn’t be in are both to blame.

    Stain on their soul and all that!!

  271. 271
    Camoron the Conjurer says:

    Well, if they’ve been given creaky old shite, they should take all the Nimrods – all 9 of them – back to the shop for a refund. Yes?

    Except, I’ve sort of done something a bit silly with them.

    Do you think BAE will still give me your money back?

  272. 272
    Anonymous says:

    I think anyone in the military who’s stupid enough to use them is too stupid to be in the military in the first place.

    A bit of plastic with an aerial sticking out of it? It’s worse than a “divining rod”, it’s obviously just a scam, aimed at the kind of people who believe in astrology.

    If I was a soldier and asked to use it I’d just say “no fucking way, that’s just as much a con as those x-ray specs you used to get in comics, you fucking retard”

  273. 273
    nell says:

    Well I thought for a moment there you were talking about berlus co nni and his schoo lgi rls.

    When are they going to get rid of him?

    We have really had some atrocious world leaders over the last decade haven’t we??

    bush, bliar, brown, berlusco nn i ,sark ozy, omaha ( disappointingly bad)

  274. 274
    Dame Kiri Te Kawana says:

    And I Love New Zealand!

  275. 275
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    He invented a calendar as well, which is why the Greeks have Easter on a different day to the rest of the world.

  276. 276
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    I set ‘em up, you spike ‘em. Point!

  277. 277
    Ratsniffer says:

    Usual bunch of self serving lefties on QT..I hope Edwina and Kate give ‘em hell.

  278. 278
    Puke says:

    Kate Hopkins is an odious little wretch.

  279. 279
    Dack Blog says:

    Dimblebore quips that he’s in the QT chair to ensure there’s no sexism on the programme. You’re only there because of sexism, you wrinkly old male duffer. The Bruce Forsyth of political debate.

  280. 280
    Obama says:

    Feck of,f the twunt’s white masquerading as black!!

  281. 281
    Ratsniffer says:

    yes but at least – small mercies – she’s not a whining, shrill, odious leftie.

  282. 282
    Caesar says:

    An Italian bloke called Mills apparently!

  283. 283
    13eastie says:

    Edwina looks just the same as she did during the Major years!

    Fucking minging…

  284. 284
    Eeu to me says:

    Mr sockpuppet 4 wash your mouth out with soap,ex-trawlermen from Blackpool no sir no docks,Fleetwood yes just a bit further up,BAE Warton a centre of engineering excellence from it’s American BADB inline wartime use through English Electric P1 Lightning and Canberra parts made at Salmesbury and built and flown at Wharton,sticky tape wouldn’t be allowed,Iam reading a book on Lancashire wartime airfields,sicko or nerd just like bit of history, if you take a look at Wharton on Google maps you will see a busy airfield.

  285. 285
    Caesar says:

    QT – Self ripping CU(nt) a new arse!

  286. 286
    Anonymous says:

    There are 2 scary things regarding this:
    1) People who are stupid enough to use them are the same people that are also using guns, rocket launchers, and tanks.
    2) The BBC and various quangos have spent a fortune testing them to see if they work. If someone gave you a twig, and then said “stick this up your arse and you’ll be protected from gunfire” – would you spend a fortune trying to prove that sticking a twig up your arse doesn’t protect you from gunfire? No, you’d say “that’s just fucking stupid. it doesn’t make sense you twat, it could never work.”

    There’s no working parts at all, no electronics, it simply can’t physically work. Anyone who believes differently shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near something as simple as a shopping trolley, let alone a fucking gun or a tank.

    You’ll always get people with new scams; ban this one and another one will come along; yes, try and stop them from selling it, but at the end of the day it’s up to the people who buy this stuff and who are in charge of protecting soldiers against death/maiming to not be fucking retarded beyond belief.

    You can legislate against fraud, but you can’t legislate against mind-blowing stupidity; for that aspect you have to employ people in charge of purchasing military equipment that have more than one brain cell.

  287. 287
    Ratsniffer says:

    I don’t like will self abuse but he did slap that labour twat down rather nicely.

  288. 288
    Uncle Sam says:

    Would you prefer loads of sand barrys instead?

  289. 289
    Caesar says:

    Prefer Mary Hopkins..those were the days!!

  290. 290
    Down With Brown! says:

    The Labour bloke is a twat.

  291. 291
    Eeu to me says:

    That’s sexist how dare you. :-)

  292. 292
    Ratsniffer says:

    Look how long they let the labout tosser drone on for

  293. 293
    Zed says:

    Well said Katy Hopkins.
    As a man who is being ruined by militant feminism supported by unequal rights, I applaud you.
    And stop lisping, Edwina, you used to be a stallwart. Now pathetic.

  294. 294
    John Major says:

    I disagree.

  295. 295
    Ratsniffer says:

    self abuse has eyes like piss holes in the snow.

  296. 296
    Tell it like it really is says:

    I see that our enriching imports, whilst employed at public expense as teachers (Burnage media arts college) are also showing our dear youngsters just what to do to run a highly profitable self employed business on the side (google Daily Mail) – Quelle surprise!

  297. 297
    Edwina's awful hairdo on QT says:

    Hi Edwina. 1986 just called. It wants its hairdo back.

  298. 298
    Eeu to me says:

    Watching QT and listening to the comments on sexism and any other ism’s they’re on about,I really don’t believe the road they are going to go down if they carry on,Edwina on womens football,that will have to go and be mixed football FFS,Stupidity lives and is doing well on AlJaBeeb.

  299. 299
    Zed says:

    He was endearing himself to the right in order that he can become an odious leftie in a few minutes.


    Love Katy “she’s far too orange to be taken seriously” Hopkins.
    Class Lady. Class Person.

  300. 300
    Auntie Beeb says:

    Hey! We give you Eastenders 4 times a week. Be grateful.

  301. 301
    Tell it like it really is says:

    But can you put a stop to any more immigration – please.

  302. 302
    Camoron the Conjurer, £4bn down the toilet, says:

    Come on, Sockpuppet. Answer this one.. these guys aren’t retired.


    Well? Your military experience surpasses that of the SAS?

  303. 303
    Anonymous says:

    The Labour bloke is best I’ve seen in a while (not that he’s had any real competition on QT during 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007 ……….

  304. 304
    Upchuck says:

    Chucky can’t bring himself to criticise control orders because his boss was in the government that introduced them!

  305. 305
    Upchuck says:

    Chucky is a tool.

  306. 306
    Ratsniffer says:

    Interesting how dimmers seems to be far more deferential to the labour chap…letting speak uninterupted…

  307. 307
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Good point Chloe. Both devices play on the stupidity and gullibility of people.

    Is is incredible that anyone in the MOD or DTI had anything to do with this junk science.

  308. 308
    Chris The Huhnt says:

    I’ll contribute to the equality issue by abandoning my wife and smashing a Lesbo.

  309. 309
    Upchuck says:

    Wrong! He’s not a twat.

    He’s a slimy self satisfied c-unt.

  310. 310
    Upchuck says:

    At least he’s showing up what a c-unt Chucky Yamumma is.

  311. 311
    Anonymous says:

    Wrong again. Sorry.

  312. 312
    Upchuck says:

    No. She’s vomit. I think she fancies herself as a Thatcher.

  313. 313
    Upchuck says:

    Will Self supporting govt on control orders. Any minute Chucky will start to showboat.

  314. 314
    hasn't had a TV for 12 years says:

    It isn’t really 4 times a week, is it?

  315. 315
    Anonymous says:


  316. 316
    Upchuck says:

    Chucky doesn’t like viewers being reminded of what the last Labour govt did.

  317. 317
    Caesar says:

    OK by me, mixed shower afterwards!!

  318. 318
    Anonymous says:

    In Labour circles a tool is the reference grade.
    Most aspire to make that grade.

  319. 319
    Helpful says:

    They want the capability and functionality not the Nimrods.

  320. 320
    1986 and all that says:

    1986 was a very good year, unless you worked on the Space Shuttle, or in Chernobyl.

  321. 321
    Upchuck says:

    Here we go. The economy. Chucky will love this.

  322. 322
    Anonymous says:

    I certainly hope so.
    Sadly missed.

  323. 323
    Doug Krap Reporting for the BBC with the biggest poop scoop ever in the whole history of journalism. says:

    I wonder if the BBC will win a journalist award for the biggest poop scoop ever? LMAO. Fanbloodytastic!

  324. 324
    1986 and all that says:

    With Edwina Curry?

    *steps away, careful not to make eye contact*

  325. 325
    Upchuck says:

    Did Will just say he hopes this govt is “more capitalist friendly”? I thought he was a socialist or was I wrong?

  326. 326
    Auntie Beeb says:

    Yes. And omnibus on Sunday. Cracking telly.

  327. 327
    Anonymous says:

    Mary Hopkin – no ‘s’ .

  328. 328
    Eeu to me says:

    How come when hoon is on I go deaf,is his voice so boring that Iam shutting down due to that problem.

  329. 329
    Zed says:

    Sorry, I was wrong
    It was 13 minutes for him to show his real colours.
    Must have been tripping meantime – I didn’t give allowance for that.

  330. 330
    Upchuck says:

    Dimbers is ripping Chucky a new one.

  331. 331
    1986 and all that says:

    By assassins.

  332. 332
    Ratsniffer says:

    Chucky has same effect on me

  333. 333
    Anonymous says:

    Let me guess – you aren’t a fan, right ?

  334. 334
    PD77 says:

    Well he does have a beach named after him thanks to Gordoom Bruin.

  335. 335
    Upchuck says:

    I love Chucky the same way I love Gordon Brown.

  336. 336
    Doug Krap Reporting for the BBC with the biggest poop scoop ever in the whole history of journalism. says:

    Booger QT. The poop scoop is far more interesting.

  337. 337
    Eeu to me says:

    The wavy hands idiot,mr Liebour expert

  338. 338
    Anonymous says:

    Mr D refutes the allegation he is a labour tosser.

  339. 339
    Upchuck says:

    Katie Hopkins is a gruesome c unt. “I will finish! I will finish!” Fuck off.

  340. 340
    Upchuck says:

    Labour plant in the audience reeling off figures he’s memorised. Wanker.

  341. 341
    The Sentinel says:

    Katy for PM.
    Our Country Needs You.

  342. 342
    Upchuck says:

    And he ended by saying we should stop blaming labour for the economy!!!!

  343. 343
    Tell it like it really is says:

    Maybe for the last 13 years old McDoom and the Bliar have been overseeing a programme to add special stupid water to the water supply. It’s the only reason I can think of for the abysmal level of intelligence displayed by the general public and QT audience. Do they have a special stupid meter that they run over all the possible participants for the audience? Dimbleby has imbibed so much he thinks he’s going to take over as Prime Mentalist. Chukky wa born that way. :)

  344. 344
    Upchuck says:

    “Next week we’re in Workington where unemployment is high”. Typical QT location.

  345. 345
    Ratsniffer says:

    QT had them up on the autocue for him to read…

  346. 346
    Ratsniffer says:

    Yes the audience will be stuffed full of labour supporters and public sector workers.

  347. 347
    Eeu to me says:

    Jeez she’s a yacky women but has her head screwed on,fckin snow blamed ,she put the blame were it should have been.

  348. 348
    Anonymous says:


    Is he your local rep or something?

    Brown was the biggest disaster that the UK had thrust upon it (he was never elected, could never be elected, was supported by incompetents) in the last half decade.

    Chucky is articulate but neutral at heart.

    What’s the comparison?

  349. 349
    Eeu to me says:

    As per tonight,same sector of society,different towns,same we need more more for the public troughs.

  350. 350
    Ratsniffer says:

    she can finish me off anytime…

  351. 351
    Zed says:

    Shock !
    Horror !
    Probe !

    Close out the BBC.
    The party is over. Socialist Propaganda upon the threat of imprisonment is so last Parliament.

  352. 352
    Anonymous says:

    Put the blame on Socialism?
    Right again, Katy.

    (no pun intended)

  353. 353
    Eeu to me says:

    That’s what the isms seem to be after.

  354. 354
    Zed says:

    Greg Dyke.

    Darling of Labour.
    Given Office by Labour.
    Short listed for BBC Governor as a Labour puppet.

    Until Campbell targetted him on the Kelly affair……..

    F-Off, Dyke. You supped with the Devil.
    F-Off forever, c unt Dyke.

  355. 355
    The BBC says:

    Have you got a valid licence fee?! We can’t make Question Time for free, you know! Pay now!

  356. 356
    Eeu to me says:

    You had more than 10 pints or do just we need to get in a translator.

  357. 357
    Up sh1t creek says:

    So it all happened under the Labour government, no surprise there.

  358. 358
    Anonymous says:

    Curry whored her adultery with Major in order the sell a book. She is an odious grasping disgusting Cow!

  359. 359
    Andy Gray says:

    she’s a twat
    a reality TV airhead
    put on the tea love, and make yourself useful to Alan Sugar by showing him your tits

  360. 360
    Alan Sugar says:

    My secrets out.. You’re hired!

  361. 361
    Andy Gray says:

    My cock needs her tits. Alan Sugar tells mee he smashed that.

    Put the kettle on love and stop with the yakking.

  362. 362
    Commander Wavy Davy says:

    THank heavens British troops are all safe now.

  363. 363
    John Major's Face Full of Curry says:

    Oh Yes!!

  364. 364
    John Major's Face Full of Curry says:

    oh yes!!!!

  365. 365
    Gideon Osboobery says:

    Baby it’s cold outside.

    That’s my excuse and everyone thinks it’s a great one. :-D

  366. 366
    Ted Grimley, taxidermist to the quality says:

    Stuff ‘im wiv kapok.

  367. 367
    Ted Grimley, taxidermist to the quality says:

    I had the pleasure of preparin’ ‘im meself. Assisted the old barnet, though, coz ‘e were a bit lackin’ in that department. A luvvy bought ‘im at Christie’s last week for £15,000 to give to Steve Spielberg, or whatever that Jaws bloke is called.

  368. 368
    Anonymous says:

    “Figures released this week showed the UK economy had contracted by 0.5% in the last three years of 2010.”


    wow, 2010 was longer than I thought, it lasted 3 years.

  369. 369
    Anonymous says:

    I think you have to be a card-carrying member of the labour party or a union member to be in the QT audience (or a single token tory, preferably a banker, that they picked out so that the rest of the audience can boo/hiss/gob at them on the single occasion he’s allowed to speak)

    So, they don’t need a stupid meter to pick the audience, as by definition all labour supporters are stupid, therefore everyone in their audience (apart from the token tory) will also be stupid.

    The tory might say “labour bankrupted the economy, and despite just being pulled back from the brink at the last minute by the tories, labour still want to do the same thing again. do you want an extra 50,000 unemployed temporarily because we’re getting to grips with spending, or do you want 20million unemployed because the country’s gone bust?”

    The audience will see he’s not a labour supporter, refuse to listen to anything he says or to use logic/reason, and just shout:

    “booo. hisss. shame on you… spend more money….money is good…if we can’t borrow it, let’s print it”

    It’s the same every week; I don’t listen to it anymore because it’s nothing more than a labour party election programme with an audience full of retarded fuckwitted labour bastards, and a host who doesn’t seem to understand a fucking thing about anything and who lets the labour panel members spout on for ages with their lying bullshit, and then pounces and stops the tory from speaking as soon as it sounds like some real facts might be spoken.

    The BBC won’t allow facts to be broadcast; if they did then it’d all be over for labour.

    When was the last time you heard the spending facts on the BBC? All you hear is “cuts…cuts..cuts”, but even the tories aren’t cutting spending; it’s actually going up by around 2% a year; as John Redwood said “there are no cuts to overall government spending; we’re actually increasing spending, and pretty much in real terms.”

  370. 370
    Anonymous says:

    yer ‘avin’ a larf, aincha?
    it’s faaaamily, innit?
    gawd bless her (auntie beeb), easties is the only fing wot keeps me goin’, me and the rest of the brain dead fuckwits that spend half a day every week sitting in front of the telly watching shit people in shit situations reading from shit scripts.

  371. 371
    Disgusted of Neasden says:

    There was nothing wrong with those bomb detectors. We used them to find the WMD in Iraq, didn’t we?

  372. 372
    Anonymous says:

    “The manufacturer of another of the devices, the Alpha 6, has admitted to Newsnight that they make them for £11 and then they are sold for £15,000 each to the end user.”

    Christ on a bike. Here’s a plastic handle with a metal stick on the end that we grabbed from a scrapped cortina, give me 15grand for it?

    How fucking retarded are the people that buy this shit?

  373. 373
    JR says:

    My safety scissors wont cut the plastic bottle!

  374. 374
    Anonymous says:

    Contrary to what the BBC say, 2010 didn’t actually last for 3 years, it only felt like it lasted 3 years as the first 3rd of it was during a labour government where we had a tax-payer funded national broadcaster doing its best to try and keep labour in power despite labour deliberately trying to push the uk further into bankruptcy using bribes and signing every single cheque for anything that landed on their desk in a bid to shore-up their core vote and annoy the tories.

    “ha-ha-ha; we signed a ton of cheques for things that made no sense just before we left. we didn’t need the things we bought, we just wanted to make you look stupid when you cancel them but still have to pay for the whole project because of the shit contracts we signed. by the way I left a turd in the fridge.”

    labour are such lovely people.

    I hope all labour members/supporters get put on a giant spaceship, and blasted into the sun. and that the spaceship has big windows, no shutters, and they’re not allowed to bring sunglasses or suncream.

  375. 375
    JR says:

    >How fucking retarded are the people that buy this shit?

    Gordon is a mor……….. Best I shut up LOL

  376. 376
    Dave666 says:

    Surely this reflects the abysmal level of knowledge in scientific and technical matters in the parliament and the civil service which has got us into the current mess we are all in.

  377. 377
    A Market trader says:

    You can tell they were crap – the Chinese did not bother to clone ‘em

  378. 378
    albacore says:

    Dear me, horrid revelations of government-backed fake bomb detectors. Whatever next?
    How about the newly revealed real public sector net debt figure, for a start.
    No, it ain’t £1,000,000,000,000. It’s £2,322,700,000,000. Or summat similar, depending on whether you prefer graphs or text.
    Take a belated bow, Royal Bank of Scotland, Lloyds Banking Group and G Brown Esq.
    (PFI liabilities still lurk in the wings, of course, but let’s not mention them just now. Wouldn’t want to overload the bullshit detectors).
    Never mind, though. Dave’ll fix it. If he can find another few thousand Nimrods to smash to smithereens.


  379. 379
    Archie says:

    Guido, DO be a good fellow and have your boffins sort out the comments nonsense. It is hugely irritating to add a comment in support of one of your co-conspirators only to find one’s comment applauding some complete knob three doors down!

  380. 380
    Poor Bill says:

    Nimrod ?

    So the Blsckshirt scum running the ‘Conserv’it’self’ Party have betrayed us.

    Oh the surprise. A whole arm of Btitain’s independent military intelligence network wiped out.

    No more patrols to the North Cape, no more anti-piracy patrol anywhere.

    Your fucking monkeys voted for this Euro-Trash. Now your upset that a Mosleyite shit like ‘Uncle Ken Clarke’ has his boys fuck us.

    We geoled these scum during the war to prevent them betraying Radar/Sonar ect to their friends.

    If you don’t understand why these scum are doing this, then you need to listen to the old speaches of Mosley, from pre-war days.

    His pro-reich, anti-American attitude is reflected in the modern Blackshits in the conservative party. Lisen to him and you will understand how these scum think and their reasons for their betrail.

    I’m afraid I am unable to put up a link myself, too stupid. Maybe you can ?

  381. 381
  382. 382
    tatspotting says:

    Private Eye didn’t get the DSO angle. That’s the scoop here you ignorant spacker.

  383. 383
    tatspotting says:

    How does it follow that being “lightweight” that “no wonder” he is a millionaire?

    You are a spacker’s spacker, no question.

  384. 384
  385. 385
    misterned says:

    Someone is angling to get Mohamed El Baradei into that role. Still trying to figure out who and why. The previous American administration turned against him when he steadfastly refused to lie for them about Iraq’s alleged ‘nucular’ weapons program. By stubbornly sticking to truth and facts he rubbished their claims of threats of mushroom clouds and yellow-cake and aluminium tubes bullshit.

    I cannot see how the Americans or the other usual suspects in these cases could benefit from having an honest person leading Egypt.

  386. 386
    misterned says:

    The fucking awful BBC keep saying “the Government” when reporting this story. Notice that they are not saying “the former labour Government” They are deliberately using that language to insinuate and smear the current government with the fraud of the Blair lead labour Government.

  387. 387
    Jabba the Cat says:

    No, you have to cross the border into Tower Hamlets to view the local Religion Of Peace(tm) Sharia goldfish bowl.

  388. 388
    50 Calibre says:

    not to mention being selected for special moderation…

  389. 389
    Alley Camp says:

    So glad you didn’t say Woolies went bang etc..

  390. 390
    Postmaster.....undeliverable...please re-submit as directed.Thank you for your comments.. says:

    Please re-direct your complaint to The Rt Hon E Miliband Esq MP PC Labour Party Headquarters 39 Victoria Street, London, SW1H 0HA…mark your letter “There’s no money left…L Byrne MP”.

  391. 391
    George Osborne says:

    We pledged to match Labour spending.

  392. 392
    Labour want to make me vomit says:

    The fukkers should be hanging their collective heads in shame for circa 60 years – not trying to convince us that they have some sort of magic wand.

    You have got to hand it to the Fabian Labour Scum they have perfected the art of self-delusion.

  393. 393
    Sir William Waad says:

    So that’s “Doledrawington”?

  394. 394
    Sky Football Commentator says:

    I would buy a fake boob detector.

  395. 395
    The Cabin Boy in question says:

    I stood on the burning deck
    my feet were covered in blisters
    I split my trousers up the back
    and had to borrow my sister’s.

  396. 396
    Anonymous says:

    I can’t think of a more perfect metaphor for what the BBC does than this:


    ie the BBC deliberately physically shit all over your street, burn a million quid of tax payers’ money in the process making their “programme”, and then blame the tories for all the shit they shat in your street that you have to clean up.

    Yep, that’s the BBC.

    I hope they burn in hell.

  397. 397
    JRand says:

    Hear hear and it was.
    Story was all over Daily Hailmary 12 months ago and the bloke was, if I recall right, matey with BrokenBalls or the mentalist hisself.
    Orf with their eads.

  398. 398
    Poor Bill says:

    Oh dear. You still don’t get it, do you.

    Marxist maggots on the left hoping to create a Marxist Europe.

    Blackshit scum on the right trying to create a new order in Europe.

    Both hate : democracy,

    the common law (jury trial),

    small local government (to difficult to control)

    and the free world (Canada, Austrailia, New Zealand and the USA)

    Check out Uncle Ken Clarke and his time at uni,,,,,,,

  399. 399
    Poor Bill says:

    Or listen to old recording of Mosley on You Tube.

    Quick before they are removed.

  400. 400
    Dave666 says:


    Ironic really this bunch of burkes peerages scraps expensive kit and encourages the sale of tat.

  401. 401

    Guido, your video cuts off two thirds of the way through.

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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

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