Sunday, January 23, 2011

Exclusive : Courtney Love Elected OUCA Officer for Rock ‘n Roll

This is Courtney Love, newly elected as Oxford University Conservative Association’s ‘Non-Executive Officer for Rock and Roll’. She was elected to her position tonight after an evening of drinking, in this instance the teen spirit was port. Courtney contributed to the OUCA Port & Policy debate calling for a foreign policy based on morality and said Wikileaks was a step forward for democracy. She is pictured above twirling Winston Churchill’s cane and below with the Vivienne Westwood clad president-elect, Joe Cooke. Appropriate for Conservative caners…

Downing Street Vacancy : Television Image Maker Wanted

Guido has always been a news junkie, taking it in from all directions; online rolling news, radio, television news channels and the papers, hell even Twitter nowadays. When Guido was a paperboy he read every paper from the Sun to the FT, which must have annoyed the customers wanting their paper before the morning commute. As media pundits go Guido is as qualified as anyone can be after 30 years of news consumption and analysis. What that experience has taught Guido is that one thing is for sure: television is the medium that matters.

It may not matter to the chattering class, but it does influence the voters more than they do. Most voters don’t read the Guardian, they don’t read the Indy, Times or Telegraph either. They watch television, which is why more people voted for the winner of X-factor than the government.


One of the central ideas that inspired the creation of this blog was the “Guidoisation of politics” by which is meant more than just the trivialisation of politics, it alludes to the conveying of ideological messages in simple images and terms. It is also about the personalisation of politics via the character of politicians. Character matters to most voters more than ideology. Gordon Brown’s character weighed against him with voters more than his economic policies. His character was revealed on television to more people, more effectively than Andrew Rawnsley or Tom Bower could ever dream of doing. Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson were masterful televisual image makers – remember them deliberately delaying the acceptance speech that May morning in 1997 until a shaft of sunlight broke through into the Royal Festival Hall – “A new dawn has broken, has it not?” Brilliant imagery.

Roger Ailes is famous as the boss of Fox News, the news channel with the most viewers in America, making it the most profitable news channel in the world, more profitable than all the other US news channels combined. It has so much political influence that Obama’s strategists reckon it costs them 3% at the polls. Roger Ailes cut his teeth as a young TV producer who Richard Nixon hired after he told him to his face “The camera doesn’t like you”, Nixon replied “It’s a shame a man has to use gimmicks like this to get elected”, the young Ailes retorted “Television is not a gimmick, and if you think it is, you’ll lose again.” In a televised democracy, television decides elections, it really is that simple.

It is a given that the coalition is about to enter a period of unpopularity, to win the next election the economy firstly has to come good or be coming good by 2014, that is a pre-condition. Secondly they have to get the credit for the economy coming good as well. Television will help most voters decide who gets the credit, not broadsheet editorial writers. Cameron and Clegg are better television performers than Miliband, if they want to exploit that they should hire a director of communications who understands televisual imagery. The media grid planning can be done by Downing Street drones a plenty and Osborne has a good grip on political strategy. Television requires a certain genius. If they want to win over the voters they need a political maestro equivalent to Simon Cowell or Roger Ailes. If they think that television is just a gimmick…

Shagger Strathclyde Seven-Year Affair With Old Flame

Sunday Sleaze

Lord Strathclyde is a legend at Tory party conferences, the Leader of the House of Lords throws a decent party and is famous for trying it on with the ladies. With more success than you might imagine…

Birgit Cunningham is older than some of Shagger Strathclyde’s previous conquests. The 48 year-old unmarried single-mother has sold a kiss ‘n tell to the Sunday Mirror revealing that she has been having a seven-year on-off affair with Shagger Strathclyde. This morning punters make him favourite to be the next exit from the cabinet

UPDATE : Just spotted this Daily Mail profile of Birgit from March 2007 in which she reveals she dated Kevin Costner and William Shatner as well as saying “there are two options for public school girls who get pregnant by accident. The first is running home to Mummy and Daddy. I wasn’t going to do that. I couldn’t possibly live at home. The alternative is to find some rich old guy to rescue you. ‘I have to admit I’ve met several. One proposed to me. I thought, do I have to do this for Jack? But I couldn’t. I want a toy boy.” She got a big toy-boy…

UPDATE II : Mail reveals Birgit was the eco-protestor who smeared chocolate eclair in Nick Brown’s face. At the time she was a press officer for the Green Party

Bob Crow Even Gets Up His Own Nose

Bob Crow’s penchant for organising transport strikes gets up commuter’s noses. This picture in the News of the World taken on a carribean holiday shows that the £133,183 agitator even gets up his own nose. Remind you of someone?


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