January 18th, 2011

Baldwin Enforces Line

Guido noticed the less than subtle use by Labour since the new year of the term “Tory-led government” in every media hit or speech, but he didn’t realise Miliband’s bad-boy spinner Tom Baldwin was quite so brazen in his attempts to sign the media up to the theme. This went out to all the media:

As you may have noticed, we have changed our language in recent weeks to avoid describing the Government as a coalition or a partnership of equals. We believe a more accurate description is that this is a Conservative-led government. I understand that the phrase a “Tory-led government” is two words too long to be repeated on every occasion. But I also think that you are making a choice whenever you call it “the coalition”. When we were in power, no one was left in any doubt that our most unpopular decisions were those of a “Labour government”.

The word “Coalition” is one that avoids party labels while also suggesting a degree of inter-party harmony and co-operation which is, day-by-day and split-by-split, being shown as false. Unless Nick Boles gets his way, “the Coalition” will not be standing for election.

Can I suggest you at least vary your description of this Tory-led government. On some occasions, you might call it a Conservative-Liberal Democrat government. On others it might be just “the government”.

When you are talking about this government in a political context, I think it would be fairer to refer to it by reference to party labels.

With best wishes, Tom Baldwin,
Director of Strategy and Communications

Guido got thinking, given that Baldwin is constantly referred to as “the former Times journalist”, despite the fact he was on the way out anyway rather than being poached, perhaps there should be a redesignation of how he is described:

That should do it…


  1. 1
    Gordon Brown says:


  2. 2
    Shizzle says:

    Can we not just call him “Tom the c­u­n­t”?

  3. 3
    bbitgu says:

    Fat socailist wanker !!!!!

  4. 4
  5. 5
    Red Ed says:

    It’s a lot easier now I have someone to tell me what to say. Though I hope he doesn’t tell me to get married.

  6. 6
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”Former Coca Cola user” Sure about that?

  7. 7
    Righty Right Wing (Mrs) says:

    I wonder how much of his wives “just 16″ went up his nose?

  8. 8
    Crimebrief says:

    I love it – hope he reads this soon. What a twat.

  9. 9
    Dazza says:


  10. 10
    LondonStatto says:


    I used to just refer to “the government”. Now it’s “the coalition” every time. Well done Tom.

  11. 11
    bbitgu says:

    will have to keep a eye on the BBC over next few days then……

  12. 12
    Gordon Brown says:

    Word of advice Ed. Get yourself a decent spinner, one that doesn’t play dirty,lie or smear. It worked for me.

  13. 13
    Ratsniffer says:

    He was pushing at an open door with PravdaBeeb.

  14. 14
    snarthwick says:

    Pro bono pubico

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    Be interesting to see just how many media organisations do as they’re told…

  16. 16
    Brilliant says:

    LOL! Your best posting ever Guido. CLAPS

  17. 17
    The Electorate says:

    I used to just refer to the former government of Gordon Brown, but now its the “Unite-Led Oppposition” every time. Well done David Miliband.

  18. 18
    Curious of Avon Mouth says:

    What’s telephone sex and what is a gagging order?
    It sounds very Kinky to me 8-O


  19. 19
    Tessa Tickles says:

    I thought it was “LimpDim-led government”, failing miserably to sort out “Labour’s Financial Mess”.

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    Well said Guido. Good stuff

  21. 21
    Anon says:

    Repeat many time after me Mr Badwind:

    I am a pompous twat
    I am a pompous twat
    I am a pompous twat
    I am a pompous twat
    I am a pompous twat

  22. 22
    Black Crime says:

    Whenever i see George Osborne i think of cocaine and prostitutes.

    Why is this?

  23. 23
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Baldwin spinning for the party formerly know as New Labour, now re-branded as UNITE.

  24. 24
    Hugh Janus says:

    Well said Guido, who the bloody hell does he think he is?

  25. 25

    A rather weak snipe at Labour today Guido – losing your touch? If all you can aspire to is personal attacks rather than polemic then we will all be the worse. Come on Guido .. I rarely agree with you, but at least your analysis usually demonstrates a keener mind than this.

    we all have our ‘bad hair’ days .. I shall simply attribute today as one of your’s and look forward to normal service being resumed as soon as possible.

  26. 26
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Rather you than me.

    Don’t go getting Stockholm Syndrome.

  27. 27
    bbitgu says:

    Guido , wouldnt it be ” Recovering alcholic” rather than ” former” as a reocering alcoholic told me , You will always be a recovering alcvholic and you will always be a alcholic .

  28. 28
    Bjorn Yesturday says:

    They don’t know their arse from their elbow, or deficit from their debt


  29. 29
    stun says:


  30. 30
    Baby eating tory says:

    “As you may have noticed, we have changed our language in recent weeks to avoid describing the Opposition as a bunch of incompetents. We believe a more accurate description is that this is a parody of what Labour used to stand for. I understand that the phrase deficit denying extreme left wing socialist rabble is two words too long to be repeated on every occasion. But I also think that you are making a choice whenever you call it Muppet incorporated.”
    etc etc

  31. 31

    Fucking wank….!

  32. 32
    bbitgu says:

    Am sure biased BBC will cover it ….

  33. 33
    David Miliband says:

    Er, today’s been one of the best ever. It’s given me a nice break from thinking constantly about how my retarded know-nothing brother stabbed me in the back.

  34. 34
    A Bloke says:

    What a tosser

  35. 35
  36. 36
    A Bloke says:

    No thanks I’m on Anti-Biotics (translation) No thanks I’m a recovering Alcholic

  37. 37
    Tankboy says:

    But that is two words too long to be repeated on every occasion.

  38. 38
    Tessa Tickles says:

    That (and I don’t know this first hand) is what AA tell you. “You’ll never truly recover, you must keep attending the meetings and keep paying your subscription, for the rest of your life.”


  39. 39
    Tankboy says:

    Again, that is two words too long to be repeated on every occasion

  40. 40
    Gonk says:

    Didn’t you play centre for the All Blacks

  41. 41
    bbitgu says:

    Guido , this should NOT be tagged totty watch.

  42. 42
    stun says:

    Mischief at its best. Good work, Guido. Should really piss him off. Shame.

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    If you do get married will David be Best Man?

  44. 44
    Desperate Dan says:

    An inspired work of genius.

  45. 45
    Marmite says:


  46. 46

    You think Baldwin is going to give two flying fucks about this…?


  47. 47
    smeg-Ed says:

    Hopefully, my tailor will be able to adjust the morning suit jacket to accommodate the knife in his back.

  48. 48
    fartinatrance says:

    Just for a minute there I thought I had voted for a coalition government….then I woke up and fu*k me! I had………..

  49. 49
    P. Doff says:

    David could have been the father.

  50. 50
    Tom Baldwin says:

    I’ve got the White Stuff.

  51. 51
    bbitgu says:

    Nah he fires blanks .

  52. 52
    a poet says:

    What kind of name is ‘Bunce’ — does it rhyme with ‘fcuking tosser’?

  53. 53
    P. Doff says:

    Billy B… do you type on an abacus?

  54. 54
    bbitgu says:

    Guido , Will you publish any replies from other media outlets to your letter ?

  55. 55
    Angus Deayton says:

    Someone mentioned cocaine and prostitutes?

  56. 56
    MysoniscalledHarry says:

    snort snort

  57. 57
    smeg-Ed says:

    You’re probably right. Thick-skinned is one of their better attributes. Still, a good pisstake nevertheless.

  58. 58
    Doc Trough. says:

    Mo Barley.

  59. 59
    albacore says:

    What a naughty Fawkes.
    Almost redeemed himself for that logging-on fiasco.

  60. 60
    bbitgu says:

    Nah , Just got a female keybord……

  61. 61
    dumbo says:

    When would you talk about the government in a non-political context??

  62. 62
    Tom Badwind says:

    Whatever you do, don’t say ‘Tory Toffs’. We tried that once and the idiot public saw through us.

  63. 63
    Anonymous well informed person says:

    There are no dues or fees for AA membership.

    Sorry to burst your little bubble.


  64. 64
    Vincere bald M says:

    Is that Irish?

  65. 65
    Accidental Reader says:

    WTF’s a ‘Times’ when it’s at home?

  66. 66
    Guido Fawkes says:

    line by line – seemed a but below the belt…

    one hopes guido – you could prove the “former” cocaine user claim….

  67. 67
    Happy Motorist says:

    I’m with Green Flag.

  68. 68
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    OK. Just “c*nt”.

  69. 69
  70. 70
    Anonymus says:

    the AA seems to have a bit of a monopoly on the definition.

  71. 71
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    See no. 67.

  72. 72
    The guy has to be called something says:

    “BUNCE n. British — money or profit. A word dating from the 19th century and almost obsolete by the 1960s, except among street traders and the London underworld. In the late 1980s the word was revived by middle-class users such as alternative comedians in search of colourful synonyms in a climate of financial excesses. Bunce may originally have been a corruption of ‘bonus.'” “The Dictionary of Contemporary Slang” by Tony Thorne (Pantheon Books, New York, 1990).

  73. 73
    pissed off voter says:


  74. 74
    Ewnohoo says:

    LOL !!

    Did the guy really have a 31% talcum / 35% brick dust / 37% cement powder / 7% cocaine habit ??

    Loser .

  75. 75
    Anonymus says:

    1# We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

    Brilliant. its not my fault. someone else has to fix me.

    2# Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
    Oh. OK whos that then

    3# Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

    Ah. I see. Well my fictional construct lifetime security blanket aint working. Oh look at the time, off to the fridge. psssssscccht. gulp

  76. 76
    pissed off voter says:

    and then please also use the variants

    arrogant bastard and supercilious twat.

  77. 77
    Rat's arse says:

    Leave Billy alone ‘P.Doff. It’s obvious that our Bill eats too many smarties and they make his fingers hyper. You can count on it!

  78. 78
    A J Scott says:

    Brilliant, G.F. They don’t (or perhaps some do) like it up ‘em.

  79. 79
    bbitgu says:

    Well bowled….

  80. 80
    Steve says:

    Very good stuff, Guido!

  81. 81
    Upchuck Yumumma says:

    Talk about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  82. 82
    Tube_Thumper says:

    whenever i hear people say that of think of small brained pencil dicked petty twats like you

  83. 83
    Tube_Thumper says:

    very good stuff guido? you arselicker. this is hardly news.

  84. 84
    Damien McBride says:

    We’re a party of integrity.

    Now where’s the gak?

  85. 85
    Anonymus says:

    Rumour has it they’re ginger.
    Unless he dyes them too

  86. 86
    Lord Mandelbum of Fondleboys says:

    Typical Liebour attempt to spin the terminology of their friends at the BBC. Watch out for Baldwin’s “lines to take” being “hoovered up” by all your favourite al-Jabeeba correspondents – the ring in to complain at their being spun by Baldwin.

    It’s bad enough that they almost never refer to the Conservatives as anything other than by sneering “the Tories”.

    Since Labour’s “spending” was so often referred to, by the BBC, as “investment” surely the “cuts” should equally be referred to as “savings”, since that is what they are.

    The other day one of the biased BBC clowns even referred to “savage cuts” – utter rot – in the grand scheme of things the cuts/savings are relatively minor – the equivalent of going back to government spending as it was a year or three back, no more.

  87. 87
    Shardenne Froider says:

    Ricky Gervais said it was rhyming slang (Bunsen burner – earner). Now I don’t know what to believe

  88. 88
    AC1 says:

    A name that makes French Oil companies tanks explode?

  89. 89
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    I think you’ll find it was a parthenogenesis birth; lizards do it that way.

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    Is it the right way up though?

  91. 91
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:


  92. 92
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Slightly shaky ground, going after him for his previous coke habit, don’t you think Guido? :)

  93. 93
    Prince says:

    Director of Strategy and Communications formerly known as jerk

  94. 94
    AC1 says:

    All state spending is a transfer of money extorted from the reciprocal sector where the wealth is created.

    These “cuts” merely mean that the person who earned it will spend it rather than the spend be directed by a bureaucrat.

  95. 95
    I Love England says:

    I prefer the term,
    The union controlled opposition that fucked up the country.

  96. 96
    AC1 says:

    Do you live in Guildford?

  97. 97
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Be fair, there’s not much else he can do as the the silly posh boy has only got as far as a ‘blank sheet of paper’ to present to those for whom the penny has not dropped / or will never drop.

  98. 98
    Reds Under The Bed says:

    Laugh? I nearly bought a round!

    Guido – you should be writing for Private Eye. Your pastiche of the Baldwin bollox is the most peerless example of political satire I’ve read this year!

    I’m definitely renewing my subscription.

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t call him Tom, call him Charlie instead.

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    What a fuckwit.
    Not very good at his job is he?

  101. 101
    PD77 says:

    That’s 110%, been going to the Alan Johnson Cutting School?

  102. 102
    my nose bleeds says:

    Very cutting.

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    You come here for news? Really?? How quaint.

  104. 104
    P. Doff says:

    I love yah really… especially on Radio 4 TMS and for the ODIs.

  105. 105
    Dorian Smith says:

    To be fair to the singing postie, he hasn’t got round to percentages yet.

  106. 106
    Moley says:

    A quote from Dunce’s website;

    “Nearly one in five 18-year-old boys and one in six girls are not in employment, education or training (“NEET”) and earlier this month a count from the Department for Work and Pensions found 600,000 people under the age of 25 have never done a day’s work in their lives.

    In 2003 in the UK, 12.1 per cent of those aged 20-24 came into the category classed as ‘early school leavers’. By 2008 this had risen to 17%. The increase in the NEET count amounted to 40%. The effect of Britain’s growing proportion of NEETs means that in 2008 there were more badly educated young people than in 22 other EU countries. In 2003, only ten countries had young people who were doing better.

    In the past five years alone, 12 countries have overtaken Britain with improved work and training for young people. This leaves just four of Western Europe’s 27 nations with larger proportions of NEETs than the UK.”

    Would journalists please be careful to refer to the last Government as “The Failed Labour Government”.

  107. 107
    Ratsniffer says:

    Satire of the finest tradition, as never seen being practiced on the BBC.

  108. 108
    rocknrolla says:

    It is a good one. Quite amazing that Labour thinks they can control the language people use. Like others here I fully expect this line to start being taken by the BBC.

  109. 109
    Philip McArthur says:

    Ask your Analyst.

  110. 110
    Reds Under The Bed says:

    Buncey-boy obviously a Socialist tosser – no sense of humour.

  111. 111
    Reds Under The Bed says:

    Does that mean that if you’re a recovering socialist you’ll always be a socialist?

    Not much electoral hope for the boy Miliband, then.

  112. 112
    Bewildebeest says:

    Very good Guido – but I beg to differ on ‘Times journalist’ avoiding negative labels. Once upon a time maybe – but not now that it’s owned and diminished by Murdoch. As for ‘journalist’ – a few may be worthy of respect but by and large the term is used as an insult.

  113. 113
    Incitatus says:

    That story about S****horpe has become true as the United football missed one letter from the September part of the calendar which would have rendered Sptember eptember

  114. 114
    Engineer says:

    Baldwin’s strategy lacks any form of subtlety. Having heard several opposition politicians refer to ‘the Tory-led government’ on several interviews and opinion panels over the last week or so, it just makes them sound narrowly party-political and slightly bigotted, rather as if coalition politicians were referring to the main opposition party as ‘those Reds’. Baldwin should be trying to get his party’s politicians and spokesmen to sound more level-headed and statesmanlike – sounding narrow-minded is not going to endear them much to floating voters in due course.

  115. 115
    Flashman says:

    Inspired! Bravo Guido!

  116. 116
    Totty Watch says:

    Can you prove the word “former”

  117. 117
    jdennis_99 says:

    Guido 1-0 Baldwin

    Such an event is commonly described by my teenage cousins as OWNAGE.

  118. 118
    Zorro says:

    …ok, now go and wash your hands please.

  119. 119
    Zorro says:


  120. 120
    Anonymous says:

    Awesome Guido, truly epic!

  121. 121
    Laing says:

    what, as opposed to the black stuff?

  122. 122
    Norman Arse says:

    Excellent! Bravo!

  123. 123
    Jimmy says:

    Glass houses…?

  124. 124
    fact checking dept. says:

    Have the BBC reported this attempt to manipulate them?

  125. 125
    Banker Wankers Bailout says:

    a transfer of money extorted from the taxpayer / government to a private company

  126. 126
    Dave Coc**ne Cameron says:

    Guido’s harldy likely to describe his boss and paymasters in the same way is he ? Even though it’s common knowledge they were both into the white powder while Guido describing ANYONE as a former Alc*h*lic is fucking hilarious.

  127. 127
    Hypocrite watch says:

    If only it wasn’t rank hypocrisy since Dave and George were also into the white stuff

    better luck next time

  128. 128
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    May I suggest a progressive solution?

    Let’s refer to all politicians as fuckwits. This has a nice ring to it and I think references to the fuckwit opposition and the fuckwit government will strike a chord with the electorate. What’s more there will be on need for any journalistic investigation of a subject as this phrasing would probably be right more often than not.

  129. 129
    robert peston's speech therapist says:

    Guido, Divine inspiration that deserves wider publication. Daily Show perhaps?

  130. 130

    You think George worked for the BBC daft phooker

  131. 131

    Ow Buncie

    Skunkie here. We don’t do personal attacks on here you phookin knobjockey.

    Now phook off you koont!

  132. 132

    Not your best Jim. Change your scriptwriters?

  133. 133

    No phooker lives in phookin Guildford. Horseflies on dung don’t live…

  134. 134
    Once was Red says:

    Ouch Guido! You’ve really got the trench club and knuckledusters out this time. Has Tom of the Labour Party upset you in some way? Do tell?

  135. 135
    profoundly_disturbed says:

    Ooooh! You tinker G.F!

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