December 8th, 2010

The Man Who Came in on a Dinghy

The nations media have descended on Portsmouth having finally realised Guido was right all along when he said Mike Hancock was a wrong ‘un. Guido is hearing tales of door-stepping and sniffing. With Hancock also a local councillor there is plenty to play with.

Councillor Hancock is responsible for Planning, Regeneration and Economic Development (PRED) – and given the massive great naval base in the city, would be responsible for overseeing any changes concerning the port. However the port have confirmed that Hancock is not on the list for circulation of any plans to do with security, and not allowed access to restricted information that would be expected of a PRED portfolio holder.

The concerns about our amorous friend might have something to do with an incident in 2006 when Hancock was found driving a speedboat around the Royal Naval Base and coming up against the side of ships. Apparently he was “testing security”. In light of the last week’s revelations, some might say that’s a little odd…


165 Comments

  1. 1
    MOD PLOD says:

    Pity they didn’t shoot him

  2. 2

    Hancock is more than a little odd.

    What a fruitloop.

  3. 3
    Praguetory says:

    Recall petitions can’t come soon enough. Shame that Clegg seems to have lost his enthusiasm for them.

  4. 4
    The Navy Lark says:

    His second home is on a battleship.

  5. 5

    Were Mencap having a regatta that day in 2006…?

  6. 6
    bye bye Cleggie says:

    And we know why that is don’t we ?

  7. 7
    Rob's uncle says:

    ‘Dinghy’ shurely?

    ‘1. Originally, a native rowing-boat in use upon Indian rivers; of various sizes and shapes, resembling sometimes a canoe, sometimes a wherry. In the West of India applied to a small sailing-boat used on the coast.

    [1794 D. Steel Elements & Pract. Rigging & Seamanship I. 242 Dingas are vessels used at Bombay‥and are navigated sometimes by rowing with paddles. They have one mast‥which rakes much forward. On the mast is hoisted a sail‥resembling a settee-sail.]’ [OED]

  8. 8
    Boats? says:

    Ships Guido Ships. Unless they are submarines then they are boats.

  9. 9
    Undercurrent says:

    So you’re using this public forum to accuse Hancock of being a Russian spy. Sensible.

  10. 10
    Ho hum says:

    Don’t be nasty about Ed and his team.

    They pay me a small stipend to post here.

    A wank I think.

  11. 11
    MI2.5 says:

    They didn’t want to hit the stack of limpet mines next to him.

  12. 12
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Hancock? The man in the boat?

    How appropriate.

  13. 13
    oxon says:

    Maybe he was testing the soft under-belly-button of the ‘navel’ base?

  14. 14
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Gotta love the libdems. They wait decades for power, flip flopping, u-turning and promising the moon whichever way the winds blowing at the time, knowing it doesn’t really matter, then when they finally get in blow it royally by carrying on just the same.

  15. 15

    At the risk of being a pedant, i think it was a ‘rib’.

  16. 16
    Billy Button says:

    It’s a Naval base.

  17. 17
    Engineer says:

    “Testing security” is something that most secure establishments do quite regularly, but they don’t tend to make much fuss about it, for obvious reasons.

    If Hancock had any sense, he’d know that even if he was a fine, upstanding citizen of impeccable integrity and discretion, they still wouldn’t discuss their security arrangements with him. If, as a local councillor, he’s pulling stunts in speedboats, he clearly isn’t a fine, upstanding citizen.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    The nations media, Guido.

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    Hello, sailor.

    Can I see the golden rivet?

  20. 20
    handy with a cock says:

    maybe he was testing the security of his russian totties knickers ?

  21. 21
    A.Pierpoint says:

    Is treason still a capital offence?

  22. 22
    Tessa Tickles says:

    The Potemkin?

  23. 23
    lost at sea says:

    maybe he’ll do a ‘canoe man’ now

  24. 24
    Engineer says:

    There are two possibilities. One is that Hancock is, in the formal sense, providing intelligence information to a foreign power, perhaps because they’ve blackmailed him or because of his idealogical leanings. The other possibility is that he isn’t very bright, and consequently unable to see that foreign powers might use subtle subterfuges to obtain sensitive information from him. The former is possible, given his alleged sexual peccadilloes, but I suspect the latter.

  25. 25
    Oborne's Anal Beads says:

    fuck off tat

  26. 26
    Taxfodder says:

    “Coming up” one of HRM’s vessels, is nothing to do with security more a case for specsavers….

  27. 27
    up shit creek says:

    Vodka on expenses

  28. 28
    Engineer says:

    In a speedboat round a naval dockyard? Oh well, whatever turns you on, I suppose….

  29. 29
    Rupert88 says:

    surely you meant totty’s knickers

  30. 30
    Engineer says:

    …..though it would explain why he kept bumping into ships.

  31. 31
    Mr Plum says:

    Went on the harbour tour a few years ago, bit depressing seeing all them mothballed boats ( ships ).

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    To be fair, Les Cummings has been saying Hancock and his mates are dodgy for years.

    http://po12bg.com/index.html

  33. 33
    William Gaygue says:

    ‘appen you can lad ba goom!

  34. 34
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Unfortunately, our MPs scrapped that penalty. Under the orders of the EU, ironically.

  35. 35
    All at sea says:

    Come in number 22. You’re time is up…..

  36. 36
    No Cricket Scores ( Not a Sport blog) says:

    He is a wrong un !!!!

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Portsmouth is a sh*thole. (As is most of the south coast, actually).

  38. 38
    Captain Jack Aubrey says:

    She’s a good Sea Boat. [When referring to His Majesty’s Frigate Surprise]

  39. 39
    Corrigendum says:

    your

  40. 40

    He’s a pro-Putin stooge. The only remaining question is whether he let a Russian spy work in his office through incompetence or connivance: http://bit.ly/ihObE9

  41. 41
    Engineer says:

    If he was after his Russian totty at the time, it might well have been a navel base. Not sure about ‘Royal’, though.

  42. 42
    Hang Him says:

    Arson in a Royal Dockyard is.

  43. 43
    A.Pierpoint says:

    Well, so many of them are marxists, no wonder…

  44. 44
    streamfisher says:

    He sounds like a commie version of Buster Crab.

  45. 45
    Sniff 'em out says:

    Bring in the forensic accountants….

  46. 46

    It’s rather damp and smelly down here..

  47. 47
    Simon says:

    I’m not so sure that the LibDems in toto wanted power. If that had been their aim, history would have told them to join a mainstream party.

    Seems to me that the LibDems exist to provide a home for those who want the luxury of having their criticisms heard, whilst never having to take responsibility for policy. They exist in all parties – Dennis Skinner’s another; no chance of ever being a minister but with a platform to complain at and berate those who do take on that near-impossible task.

    Much of what we are seeing is the discomfiture of people who signed up for permanent opposition, only to find themselves suddenly confronted with responsibility for policy.

    Ouch.

  48. 48

    The battleship Jacqueline…

  49. 49
    muff Dive! Dive Dive! says:

    It’s called ‘rubbering the dinghy’ and involves a snorkel.

  50. 50
    annnnonyperson says:

    Maybe Mr Hancock is a little odd?

  51. 51
    Rinka says:

    Tell me about it…

  52. 52
    cheesy knob says:

    THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

  53. 53
    Das Boot says:

    any port in a storm

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    The last person to notably “test security” in Portsmouth Harbour was Commander Buster Crabbe in 1956. He disappeared while secretly inspecting the propeller of a Russian cruiser that was tied up in Portsmouth.

    Handycock’s Russian friends know about security – MoD Plod and the Royal Navy are a bunch of pansies by comparison: remember the Naval bods caught by the Iranians a couple of years ago?

  55. 55
    Das Boot says:

    he was trying to fuck it

    mystery solved

  56. 56
    Captain Jack Aubrey says:

    RIB though. ‘Tis as an acronym.

    Safe and sound at home again, let the waters roar, Mike.
    Safe and sound at home again, let the waters roar, Mike.

    Chorus
    Long we’ve tossed on the rolling main, now we’re safe ashore, Mike.
    Don’t forget yer old shipmate, faldee raldee raldee raldee rye-eye-doe!

    Since we sailed from Plymouth Sound, four years gone, or nigh, Mike.
    Was there ever chummies, now, such as you and I, Mike?

    Long we’ve tossed on the rolling main, now we’re safe ashore, Mike.
    Don’t forget yer old shipmate, faldee raldee raldee raldee rye-eye-doe!

  57. 57
    Right Right Wing (Mrs) says:

    Yet there is provision made via Lisbon for Treason against the EU – carrying the death penalty.

    And they still say they are not building a federal empire.

    Ein volk, ein reich, ein fuhrer indeed.

  58. 58
    nell says:

    Does he have any offshore bank accounts?

    Seems like someone somewhere might be paying him money to keep pretending he’s some sort of clown whilst gathering info on dockyard security and trying to find out the location of defence installations.

  59. 59
    streamfisher says:

    Guido you should have used the Bond films opening titles gun barrel instead of cross-hairs on that pic.

  60. 60
    player of the pink oboe says:

    Go ahead Rinka, make my day.

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    “Exclusion Zones: Do not approach within 50m of any naval vessel or Establishment or within 500m of any vessel underway. Escort vessels are armed and will assume you have hostile intentions if you are within 500m and fail to respond.”
    They had their chance!

  62. 62
    Cmdr J Bond CMG RNVR says:

    No, we’re accusing him of being a baddie.

  63. 63
    streamfisher says:

    He’s bankrolled by SMERSH.

  64. 64
    Right Right Wing (Mrs) says:

    Check out the questions he has asked & decide for yoursleves his motives:

    Written Answers — Defence: Trident (14 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the location is of each Royal Navy submarine operational berth in service in (a) the UK and (b) overseas.

    Written Answers — Defence: Germany: Armed Forces (15 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many (a) Army, (b) Royal Air Force and (c) Royal Navy personnel are based in Germany.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Submarines (9 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence for what reasons his Department has decided to reduce the radius of the emergency pre-planning zone around a berthed nuclear-powered submarine from two kilometres to 1.5 kilometres.

    Written Answers — Defence: Principal Anti Air Missile System: HMS Daring (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the estimated cost to the public purse is of the Principal Anti Air Missile System; and what the estimated cost is of the construction of HMS Daring.

    Written Answers — Defence: RFA Fort Austin (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence for how long RFA Fort Austin is planned to remain in extended readiness; and for what reasons it is not being used.

    Written Answers — Defence: Submarines (6 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the running costs were of the ballistic missile submarine fleet in the latest period for which figures are available, expressed in cash terms.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Officers (21 Jul 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many officers left service in (a) the Royal Navy, (b) the Army and (c) the Royal Air Force in each of the last six years.

    Written Answers — Defence: Warships: Portsmouth (27 Jan 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether his review of the use of naval bases will include issues other than the relocation of Type 23 Frigates to Portsmouth; when the outcomes of the review will be published; and if he will make a statement.

    Written Answers — Defence: Navy (1 Sep 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the cost of operating a (a) Type 22, (b) Type 23 and (c) Type 42 vessel was in the last year for which information is available; and what the estimated annual cost of operating a Type 45 vessel is.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft Reach and Sustainability Programme (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence when he expects to announce decisions on the future of the Military Aircraft Reach and Sustainability programme.

    Written Answers — Defence: Navy (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what his Department’s plans are for replacing the Royal Navy’s mine countermeasures vessels.

    Written Answers — Defence: Navy: Manpower (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many naval officers are serving on all ships in commission, including those in refit.

    Written Answers — Defence: Trident (1 Sep 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how much has been spent on Trident II; and what his Department’s estimate is of how much it would cost to order (a) three and (b) four boats to replace Trident I.

    Written Answers — Defence: Afghanistan: Helicopters (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence on how many occasions British commanders in Afghanistan have requested the use of coalition helicopters; and on how many occasions this has been agreed to.

    Written Answers — Defence: Afghanistan: Peacekeeping Operations (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many explosions caused by improvised explosive devices were recorded by the armed forces in Afghanistan in (a) 2007, (b) 2008 and (c) 2009 to date.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Afghanistan (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many UK service personnel have been killed or seriously injured while being transported in road vehicles on operations in Afghanistan in circumstances where helicopters would have been used for the transport if they had been available in each of the last five years.

    Written Answers — Defence: Astute Class Submarines (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the estimated in-service date is for each of the first four Astute-class submarines.

    Written Answers — Defence: Departmental Manpower (20 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many civilian staff his Department (a) employed in each of the last three years, (b) employs and (c) plans to employ in each of the next three years.

    Written Answers — Defence: Radioactive Materials: Transport (11 Jan 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether the high security vehicles for the transfer of special nuclear materials are still in service.

    Written Answers — Defence: Afghanistan: Peacekeeping Operations (5 Jan 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether his Department has made any payments to protect the provision of supplies to UK forces in Afghanistan from Pakistan.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft: Helicopters (19 Oct 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what steps his Department is taking to recruit, train and retain pilots for (a) Merlin and (b) Chinook helicopters.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft: Helicopters (19 Oct 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence pursuant to the answer of 16 July 2009, Official Report, columns 589-90W, on military aircraft, what plans his Department has to meet the required pilot strength in the Merlin and Chinook forces.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft: Helicopters (15 Oct 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many pilots qualified to fly Puma helicopters have re-qualified to fly (a) Merlin and (b) Chinook helicopters in 2009 to date.

    Written Answers — Defence: Atomic Weapons Establishment: Aldermaston (26 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence when he plans to review and update the ten-year site-wide 2000 Decommissioning Plan for the Atomic Weapons Establishment at Aldermaston.

    Written Answers — Defence: Germany: Military Bases (26 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence who owns the land on which British bases are located in Germany.

    Written Answers — Defence: Gibraltar: Military Bases (26 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence who owns the land on which British bases are located in Gibraltar.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Fuels: Storage (26 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence by what date rim-sealed containers for storage of special nuclear materials at the Atomic Weapons Establishment at Aldermaston will be replaced by new, long-term storage containers.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Weapons (26 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence if he will publish a full historical inventory of the UK’s nuclear arsenal.

    Written Answers — Defence: Trident (26 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what expenditure his Department has planned for the UK Trident warhead life extension programme; and how much it has spent on this programme to date.

    Written Answers — Defence: Trident (22 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether he plans to publish the Initial Gate Business Case for the Trident Successor programme once it has been approved; and whether he will publish a summary of the expected costs of the Successor programme following such approval.

    Written Answers — Defence: Trident (22 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence when the last formal design review of Trident nuclear warhead took place; and when the next such review is expected to take place.

    Written Answers — Defence: AWE Management (21 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence pursuant to the answer of 7 January 2008, Official Report, columns 29-30W, on AWE management, what estimate he has made of the cost of each new build project in the Atomic Weapons Establishment Site Development Context Plan at current prices; and what the planned in-service date for each project is.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Power: Decommissioning (21 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how much (a) low, (b) very low and (c) intermediate level radioactive waste he expects to arise from decommissioning activities at Atomic Weapons Establishments in each of the next three years.

    Written Answers — Defence: Atomic Weapons Establishment: Finance (20 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence with reference to the answer of 29 January 2010, Official Report, column 1118W, on AWE Aldermaston, how much his Department spent on capital expenditure for the two Atomic Weapons Establishment sites at Aldermaston and Burghfield in each financial year from 2000-01 to 2004-05.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Power: Decommissioning (20 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what his most recent estimate is of the monetary value of decommissioning liabilities at Atomic Weapons Establishments.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Power: Decommissioning (20 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many facilities at Atomic Weapons Establishments are (a) timetabled for decommissioning, (b) incare and maintenance awaiting decommissioning and (c) undergoing decommissioning.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Power: Decommissioning (20 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether a timetable has been set for decommissioning the gravel gerties at the Atomic Weapons Establishment, Burghfield.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Power: Decommissioning (20 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what options are under consideration for decommissioning the Pangbourne Pipeline at the Atomic Weapons Establishment (AWE) Aldermaston; and when he expects the AWE Executive Board to complete its business evaluation of proposals for decommissioning the pipeline.

    Written Answers — Defence: Trident (14 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the location is of each Royal Navy submarine operational berth in service in (a) the UK and (b) overseas.

    Written Answers — Defence: Gibraltar (4 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many (a) one-bedroom, (b) two-bedroom, (c) three-bedroom and (d) four bedroom properties are owned by his Department in Gibraltar.

    Written Answers — Defence: HMS Endurance (4 Oct 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence when he expects to make a decision on the future of HMS Endurance.

    Written Answers — Defence: Gibraltar: Armed Forces (16 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many (a) Army, (b) Royal Air Force and (c) Royal Navy personnel there are in Gibraltar.

    Written Answers — Defence: Cyprus (15 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether all the land occupied by his Department’s facilities in Cyprus is classed as sovereign British territory.

    Written Answers — Defence: Germany (15 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many people employed by his Department in Germany are (a) UK citizens and ( b) non-UK citizens.

    Written Answers — Defence: Germany: Armed Forces (15 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many children of British military personnel who are (a) under 10 years old and (b) between 10 and 18-years-old are being educated in Germany

    Written Answers — Defence: Cyprus: Armed Forces (13 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many (a) Army, (b) Royal Air Force and (c) Royal Navy personnel there are in Cyprus.

    Written Answers — Defence: Cyprus: Armed Forces (13 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many people employed by his Department in Cyprus are (a) UK citizens and (b) non-UK citizens.

    Written Answers — Defence: Cyprus: Armed Forces (13 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many children (a) under 10 years old and (b) between 10 and 18 years old of UK military personnel are being educated in Cyprus.

    Written Answers — Defence: Cyprus: Armed Forces (13 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the estimated value is of (a) land and (b) buildings owned by his Department in Cyprus.

    Written Answers — Defence: Germany (13 Sep 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many (a) one-bedroom, (b) two-bedroom, (c) three-bedroom and (d) four-bedroom properties are owned by his Department in Germany.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Rescue Services (29 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many trained Royal Air Force search and rescue pilots have served on operations (a) in Afghanistan and (b) elsewhere overseas in the last five years.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Rescue Services (29 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what estimate he has made of the incremental cost of retraining an armed forces helicopter pilot for a search and rescue role.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Rescue Services (29 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the running costs, excluding asset depreciation, of the Royal Air Force search and rescue service were in the last 12 months for which figures are available.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Rescue Services (29 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what mechanisms there are to recover from (a) other Departments, (b) local authorities, (c) insurance companies and (d) individuals the cost of calling out Royal Air Force search and rescue helicopters; and how much has been recovered in such payments in the last five years.

    Written Answers — Defence: AWE Aldermaston (24 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence pursuant to the answer of 8 June 2010, Official Report, column 93W, on the Atomic Weapons Establishment, whether his Department has requested a defence environmental impact assessment exemption direction for the proposed new hydrodynamics facility, Project Hydrus, at the Atomic Weapons Establishment Aldermaston

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Weapons (23 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence whether his re-examination of the UK declaratory nuclear policy will include consideration of compliance with the commitments in the final document of the 2010 Non-Proliferation Treaty Review Conference.

    Written Answers — Defence: Atomic Weapons Establishment (8 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what requests he has received from the Health and Safety Executive Nuclear Installations Inspectorate for information on changes to the organisational structure of the Atomic Weapons Establishment (AWE); and what estimate he has made of the effect on the number of AWE posts with responsibility for monitoring and enforcing safety or environmental…

    Written Answers — Defence: Atomic Weapons Establishment (8 Jun 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what account he plans to take of environmental impact assessment regulations in implementing proposals for a new hydrodynamics facility, project Hydrus, at Atomic Weapons Establishment Aldermaston.

    Written Answers — Work and Pensions: Nuclear Submarines: Safety (16 Mar 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions on what date her Department received the request from the Health and Safety Executive to review the radius of the emergency pre-planning zone around a berthed nuclear submarine.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Deployment (15 Mar 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what assessment he has made of whether the armed forces are able to undertake a military operation on the scale and complexity of that undertaken for the Falklands War.

    Written Answers — Defence: Afghanistan: Armed Conflict (8 Mar 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what his Department’s long-term strategy for its activities in Afghanistan is.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Libraries (2 Feb 2010)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what arrangements for the provision of libraries to the armed forces are required under Queen’s Regulations; and what Library services are provided.

    Oral Answers to Questions — Treasury: Future Defence Programme (15 Dec 2009) has video

    Mike Hancock: When will the Secretary of State be in a position to make a statement to the House about the future of HMS Endurance? Is he aware of the debilitating effect that the continuous drift of the carrier programme is having on the work force in Portsmouth dockyard? They were led to believe that dates for the carrier build would be given this year, but they are now going further and further away and…

    Written Answers — Defence: Afghanistan: Armed Forces (14 Dec 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what mechanisms are in place to assess progress in the training of the Afghan military and police force.

    Written Answers — Defence: Afghanistan: Peacekeeping Operations (14 Dec 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what steps he plans to take to (a) increase force readiness levels and (b) maintain the present level of UK commitment to the war in Afghanistan.

    Written Answers — Defence: Armed Forces: Health (14 Dec 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many personnel in each armed service were classified as (a) unfit for duty, (b) fit for limited deployability for medical reasons and (c) overweight at the latest date for which information is available

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Weapons: Inspections (10 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence when the next inspection of the nuclear weapons convoy and associated support establishments is planned to take place.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Weapons: Inspections (10 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many activities were assessed in the last inspection of the nuclear weapons convoy and associated support establishments; and how many such activities received (a) satisfactory and (b) unsatisfactory ratings.

    Written Answers — Defence: Radioactive Materials: Transport (10 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence with reference to the answer of 30 April 2008, Official Report, column 484W, on radioactive materials: transport, what the expected in-service date is for the refurbished truck cargo heavy duty trailers.

    Written Answers — Defence: Radioactive Materials: Transport (10 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what recent estimate he has made of the average cost of a round trip made by a truck cargo heavy duty convoy.

    Written Answers — Defence: Radioactive Materials: Transport (10 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the cost was of an original truck cargo heavy duty mark 2 vehicle at the time of initial purchase.

    Written Answers — Defence: Nuclear Submarines (9 Nov 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence for what reasons his Department has decided to reduce the radius of the emergency pre-planning zone around a berthed nuclear-powered submarine from two kilometres to 1.5 kilometres.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft: Helicopters (13 Oct 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what estimate he has made of the length of time it would take (a) to place an order for new Merlin helicopters, (b) for Agusta Westland to manufacture the new helicopters and (c) for the armed forces to bring the new helicopters into service after delivery.

    Written Answers — Defence: Navy (9 Sep 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the cost of operating a (a) Type 22, (b) Type 23 and (c) Type 42 vessel was in the last year for which information is available; and what the estimated annual cost of operating a Type 45 vessel is.

    Written Answers — Defence: Iraq and Afghanistan: Peacekeeping Operations (6 Jul 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many UK troops required medical evacuation as a result of injuries caused by improvised explosive devices in (a) Iraq and (b) Afghanistan in (i) 2007, (ii) 2008 and (iii) 2009 to date.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft: Helicopters (17 Jun 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what plans his Department has for the replacement of the Royal Navy’s fleet of Lynx helicopter at the end of its service life.

    Written Answers — Defence: Military Aircraft: Helicopters (17 Jun 2009)

    Mike Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the monetary value is of his Department’s contract for the upgrade of Puma helicopters; and if he will make a statement.

  65. 65
    No Cricket Scores ( Not a Sport blog) says:

    O/T Is it no1 s or No 2s today for PMQS ?

  66. 66
    Mikhail Fradkov says:

    Agent Hancock’s cover has been compromised. Prepare Operation Snuff.

  67. 67
    popping his cork says:

    “Hancock, the man coming up against the side of boats.”

    How apt.

  68. 68
    Sir William Waad says:

    Number 77, are you in trouble?

  69. 69
    Fay Turney says:

    He had more chance of being shot in a Nunnery

  70. 70
    An Old Sea Shanty! says:

    I was on the good ship “Venus”,my God you should have seen us!

    The Figure Head was of a woman,sucking a dead man’s Peeenis!

  71. 71
    Naval Base CCTV footage of Hancock says:

  72. 72
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “Treason against the EU”. Eeep!

    treason noun 1 (in full high treason) disloyalty to or betrayal of one’s country, sovereign or government. 2 any betrayal of trust or act of disloyalty

    That’s most of us stuffed, then. :)

  73. 73
    Simon says:

    I find this deeply fishy.

    “Testing security” by bumping into ships in Portsmouth Harbour has, since 9/11 and the attack on USS Cole (rammed by a RIB full of explosives, if you recall), been seriously hazardous.

    From time to time we have taken friends and family on our small craft into the harbour to look round – it’s a fascinating place – but we are careful to stay well clear of the moored warships. Partly this is because of the mandatory exclusion zone around them imposed by the Queen’s Harbour Master (50m for moored vessels, 100m for subs and 250m from vessels under way), but largely because there is a permanent, armed patrol cruising between the ships and other vessels. That patrol is highly alert!

    If anyone, even a MP, were to breach an exclusion zone I imagine there would be one warning then an opening of fire. At close range, the result does not bear thinking about. I do not see how someone could get so close as to ‘bump into’ ships and remain alive.

  74. 74
    Sungei Patani says:

    Marxists, whenever they have had the opportunity, have have been enthusiastic supporters of the death penalty e.g Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot.

  75. 75
    Madme Defarge says:

    I agree with both of those scenarios plus the obvious one that he keeps his brains in his todger.
    This eejit needs banging up – as opposed to just banging.

  76. 76
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    You are Finbar saunders and I claim my €5.
    “coming up against the side of boats.”

    Did he “come in” or “come on” the dinghy. And did he have any assistance?

  77. 77
    Handy says:

    Sit on my boat.

  78. 78
    Taxfodder says:

    The truth is he is just another Berk politician who like to put it about, pretty normal for M P’s they are all at it, his Russian bit on the side, just that!

    Frankly just about any politician I have seen would sell out his countrymen, cheat on his partner and rob you blind while declaring it was not his fault! and in fact yours!

  79. 79
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    He seems to think we’re all windowlickers with a smutty sense of humour.

    how dare he.

  80. 80
    Boris on Portsmouth says:

    “Here we are, in one of the most depressed towns in Southern England, a place that is arguably too full of drugs, obesity, underachievement and Labour MPs.”

  81. 81
    DikiLeaks says:

    They’re all number 2s, ain’t they?

  82. 82
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Oh she’s got a lovely naval uniform,
    got a lovely navel,
    got a lovely navel,

  83. 83
  84. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Please stop it.

  85. 85
    Greg Beales says:

    BREAKING NEWS

    Ed Miliband to “destroy” David Cameron at PMQ’s in a few minutes.

    Get your money on him quick

  86. 86
    Spank Sinatra says:

    totties’ is also correct

  87. 87
    Mole digger says:

    So HE’S a spy,then???????

  88. 88
    Nonce sense says:

    He looks the archetypal pee doh. I’m not saying he is one, just that he looks like the type.

  89. 89
    Simon says:

    Holy cow! R-RW (Mrs), you do a public service. Expect to see that list all over the press tomorrow.

    Time for an interview with George Smiley, maybe.

  90. 90
    Iranian Matelot says:

    I do not see how someone could get so close as to ‘bump into’ ships and remain alive.

    LOL. Are you serious?

  91. 91
    Gonk says:

    South Korea want some naval security
    advice in the Yellow Sea. I’m sure he’d make
    a valuable contribution. The coalition could arrange
    to send him immediately. Get him to paddle about
    and wave a flag around. That should test things nicely.

  92. 92
    kiss my quick says:

    Eating cockles with a couple of dodgy geezers.

    http://tinyurl.com/34lwgt2

  93. 93
    Brown is now OUT! says:

    No – he’s been hunched over his keyboard downloading more child porn – nasty man Brown – the ultimate evil excrement of all time.

  94. 94
    Russian totty says:

    E, has been, how you say?, blown under the covers.

  95. 95
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    They are when I’m Liebour leader.

  96. 96
    too long says:

    link it instead of spamming the comments with a mile long post

  97. 97
    Who gives a toss? says:

    welsh questions…(yawn)

  98. 98
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Who’s written my killer lines for me this week ??

  99. 99
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Looks like it.

    The Ruskies must have been creaming themselves.

  100. 100
    Brown is now OUT! says:

    Gordon Brown has just resigned as an MP

  101. 101
    Horatio says:

    Write out five hundred times “A boat is something you take on and off a ship”.

  102. 102
    P. Doff says:

    She thought he was going to propell ‘er to great heights.
    But all he could think about was a screw!

  103. 103
    Tessa Tickles says:

    You’re getting funnier, Greg, but you’re still not up to Martin Day’s standards.

  104. 104
    Simon says:

    Perhaps you missed the bits in my post about the armed patrol and the QHM’s exclusion zone.

    I’m all for scepticism, so perhaps you ought to go one stage further: go on to the water, try breaching the exclusion zone around a RN ship, and see what happens. I shall be fascinated to see the outcome.

  105. 105
    Simon says:

    He’d probably be wasted there (in the sense that the military use the word), but for certain results I recommend North Korea.

  106. 106
    Simon says:

    12:03 Really? Nothing on BBC website yet.

  107. 107
    axminster cum hardy says:

    He’s just a sucker for a pretty boat race.

  108. 108
    Choking Hazard says:

    He has been blown, surely.

  109. 109
    Ed Militant Student Politian. says:

    Blah! Blah! Poor students. Blah! Blah!

  110. 110
    Red Ed should be dead says:

    It shows how utterly desperate Ed has got when he has to make a reference to the Bullingdon club. Absolutely pathetic. Cameron was talking about policy, Miliband was just making retarded jokes written by Ayesha Hazarika. What a bunch of c unts.

  111. 111
    Red Ed should be dead says:

    Kerry Macarthy has a nerve to ask a question. Didn’t she get a police caution for crockiog electoral law on her Twitter?

  112. 112
    Red Ed should be dead says:

    Breaking electoral law. That’s what happens when typing too fast without paying attention.

  113. 113
    Handycock says:

    My second home is a luxury Villa in Spain, paid for by grateful clients of mine. I am not only the No 1 Trougher but also the No 1 political Entrepreneur!

  114. 114
    Simon says:

    12:25 still nothing.

  115. 115
    Judge Dread says:

    Not bad for someone who has never had a proper job since the age of 21. Don’t forget Mike to tell them also, that you are a Freemason and have been supplied with protection from them, including the police, for 40 years.

  116. 116
    Judge Dread says:

    Most definitely a Traitor!

  117. 117
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m a member of the Bullyingthem Club.

  118. 118
    No Cricket Scores ( Not a Sport blog) says:

    Dave 7 , Ed 4 . Revised as dAVE started good , then dip , but finished ok .

  119. 119
    Jess The Dog says:

    If he gets the train to Edinburgh, I would happily drive him across country to Helensburgh. Then he could ‘test the security’ of HMNB Clyde (Faslane) and, even better, further up the coast at Coulport.

    ‘Navy! Halt or I’ll Fire.’ Double click followed by a very loud bang…target will fall when hit.

  120. 120
    WokinghamChris says:

    Most of us can only hope for fifteen minutes of fame, but because he’s a Hancock he gets a half hour.

  121. 121
  122. 122
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I am a Greggs mini pasty

  123. 123
    Preferential Bias and the NUS says:

    Students are just fodder for the NUS and their socialist mythology.

  124. 124
    Judge Dread says:

    If he had no financial interest. Why was he visiting Taiwan in the first place? More sexual shenanigans peut etre?

  125. 125
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I am a Texan

  126. 126
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    This man is a very tricky dicky, and has smooth talked his way out of lots of nasty affairs. When the shit hits the fan duck, but he can’t stay ducked for much longer.

  127. 127
    Ho Lee Fok says:

    I have occasionally wondered why HM Dockyards became HM Naval Bases. Is it because it was an easy way of avoiding a capital offence of arson in the Queen’s dockyards?

  128. 128
    W C Fields says:

    On the whole, we’d rather you pissed off to Philadelphia.

  129. 129
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Is Hancock is a Russian agent?

  130. 130
    Nick2 says:

    To be fair, why would the MoD reveal any secrets to a town(city?) councillor?

    However, Engineer Hancock does appear to be pro-Moscow – according to Wikipedia, too much so even for (Labour led) MPs.

    Finally, apologies to the RN, but from what I remember of Portsmouth, only the Soviet Union would have the means and the motivation to redevelop Portsmouth properly…

  131. 131
    Handycock says:

    Don’t forget that the local newspaper the Portsmouth News, has been protecting me for years. Here are 2 examples one from yesterday and one from today:

    http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/newshome/39I-have-enemies-and-people.6652331.jp

    http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/newshome/Hancock-supported-by-party-over.6653621.jp

    The bent local council, also have to support me or I will drop them all in it for selling council houses to each other, and to us Members, and all the planning corruption we are involved in.

  132. 132
    ST says:

    Firstly I entirely agree with your argument.

    Secondly, I’m nicking this “those who want the luxury of having their criticisms heard, whilst never having to take responsibility” for an upcoming bitch fight between myself and a colleague.

  133. 133
    Dave was shite says:

    well predicted

  134. 134
    Handycock says:

    Only in the sense that they give me money and young girls to play with and employ. In return I merely give them defence information that is of no use to anyone. So you can just say that I am screwing them, just like everyone else.

  135. 135
    Anonymous says:

    “Arson in Her Majesty’s dockyards”

  136. 136
    Anonymous says:

    Arson in a Royal Dockyard, not arseholes in a Royal Dockyard.

  137. 137
    Anonymous says:

    Different things, always were, although often sited adjacently. The naval base is the operational site, under military command. The dockyard is the civilian staffed repair facility – the management of which is now often contracted out ( e.g. DML )

  138. 138
    anonymouse says:

    His wife lived in a garage!!

    http://po12bg.com/id28.html

  139. 139
    Handycock says:

    I am proud of the fact that I am the No 1 Trougher in public life.

  140. 140
    Mike Newland says:

    Why is Vince Cable apparently so determined to bring in foreign workers when we’ve got millions of our own unemployed? What is his game?

  141. 141
    MI5 says:

    Here is the Wikipedia link on Handycock – most revealing.

  142. 142
    Hoon #3231116 says:

    PlAnning, rEgeneration and economic DevelOpment has a different acronym…

  143. 143
  144. 144
    Handycock says:

    I put in my CV ‘Engineer’ because it sounds more respectable than the truth – ‘ Fitter and Turner.’

  145. 145
    Anonymous says:

    Fking hell. None of the nuclear stuff has any relevance to Portsmouth.

  146. 146
    Anonymous says:

    Not for me – 100% approve of the entire post.

  147. 147
    Simon says:

    Delighted to have been of service.

  148. 148
    Dogless World says:

    He’s a spy,I’m quite sure now.

  149. 149
    Samuel Pepys says:

    You can be quite sure they have blackmailed him. No way could those trips to Russia, to Rumania and the visits to the orphans have been overlooked by the Russians. If it looks like a honey trap and tastes like a honey trap then it is a honey trap. It really is likely that they have been playing him along for years.

  150. 150
    Anonymous says:

    Wouldn’t they just surrender and ask to keep their iPods?

  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    And Roller Over and Tickler.

  152. 152
    HappyUK says:

    Bloody traitor. Hang the sod from the nearest yardarm.

  153. 153
    Nigel S says:

    What about Able Seaman Class 1 Kate Nesbitt MC. Fancy trying to keep up with her?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/8382575.stm

  154. 154
    Nigel S says:

    Or going into battle with this lot perhaps? Being strapped to the wings of an Apache would make it easier to keep up in this case of course.

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article1293757.ece

  155. 155
    Councillor Mike Hancock CBE MP says:

    EXCLUSIVE FOR GUIDO FAWKES BLOG

    I promised in person and in the local press (Portsmouth News), Portsmouth Students, that I would vote against the tuition fees bill tomorrow.
    As you will have seen, my party, the Liberal Democrats, have backed me today, as being totally innocent in the Katya Zuleteveter spying scandal.
    The Chief Whip informed me that if I did not accede to the vote, I would be prosecuted for espionage, planning fraud in Portsmouth, sexual abuse and molestation of a vulnerable constituent, abuse of power, bringing
    Parliament into disrepute, and, paedophilia.
    After much considered thought about the last minute concessions by the Government to this Bill; I have now decided to vote in favour. After all, approbium from a few disgruntled, unemployed students is no compensation for spending the next 25 years in jail, losing my pension, Portchester luxury home and Spanish luxury villa second home; plus continued, unbridled troughing and sexual travel provided by foreign Governments, that are blackmailing me.
    Guido, I give you this exclusive on the firm understanding that you will leave me alone in future. Thank you, and remember, I am working in all your interests.

  156. 156
    Anonymous says:

    “It takes three years to build a ship, but 300 years to build a tradition,” Admiral “ABC”Cunningham during the Battle of Crete.

  157. 157
    Anonymous says:

    Of course Mike is convinced that she is not a Russian agent – she did not have KGB tattooed on her arse

  158. 158
    Хэнкок says:

    Hancock не русский шпион, он пизду, , Все, что он делает, лизать наши задницы, потому что он wanabee Россию сутенера.

  159. 159
    Хэнкок says:

    Он бакланов молодых девушек в нашей стране, чтобы мы его шантажировать. Что в этом плохого? Когда он больше не о любом использовании мы сделаем его страдать.

  160. 160
    Хэнкок says:

    Да он, но не намного дольше

  161. 161
    Samuel Pepys says:

    …and it would seem that Katya was not the only one. See:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/russia/8187003/Russian-spy-Mike-Hancock-wrote-to-Home-Office-to-help-second-Russian-woman.html

    This second Russsian lady was ‘granted a council property after her marriage split’ but denied Mr Hancock had assisted her in the matter.

    Some of us think that this may be the same lady who was sold or given a council property (with a fine view over the Dockyard and Gunwharf Quays) which has since been let out.

  162. 162
    Frustrated Portsmouth Constituent says:

    Don’t forget Treason you crooked, lying, perverted Twat.

  163. 163
    David Bouvier says:

    Well he hasn’t yet sued for libel over the paedophilia allegations despite committing to the court to do so when he was seeking that interim injunction during the election. So it bit of humorous chat isn’t going to upset the applecart.

  164. 164
    Judge Dread says:

    He was quoted in the Portsmouth News, yesterday, on this subject:

    http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/newshome/Hancock-supported-by-party-over.6653621.jp

    ‘These things were in files of mine at Portsmouth Guldhall. They went missing and a couple of months later I received calls from National Newspapers.’

    Funny how when he is caught out the evidence always goes missing! Just like the ‘passport that was lost in the sea, earlier in the year,’ – so now he can’t remember how many times he has been to Russia!

    This man needs to be seriously investigated by the Security Services.

  165. 165
    cat-sitter says:

    This story now confirmed on the PO12BG website.

    http://www.po12bg.com/id36.html


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