December 3rd, 2010

Friday Caption Contest (Lembit Slips On Ring Edition)


406 Comments

  1. 1
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    I refuse to be snarky about this, and I wish them both well for the future.

    Like

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” you think your pussy is that small ? “

    Like

    • 110
      News ... Sky Snooze - Breaking News - Sky Snooze - Breaking says:

      We are all pussies here, especially our twat Security Editor Sam Kiley who is attempting to bat for the government and establishment by assassinating the character of a certain Mr Assange.

      – – – + + + – – –

      Are Sky jealous they haven’t been given any ‘exclusives’ by any chance..?

      Why do they call themselves journalists? Why not just simpering apparatchiks?

      Like

      • 393
        Anonymous says:

        That’s easy, piece of the political action, either as advisers or prospective Tory MPs, the Tories bus in their chosen ones to nice safe seats just as Nu Lieboar dig to their favourites.

        Like

  3. 3
    Merv the Perv, BoE says:

    So, do you by any chance take it up the chuffer?

    Like

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Yes i know about the birds and bees , stop being cheeky “

    Like

  5. 5

    Man with stupid name and stupid face checks out a new pair of ‘cheeky girls’.

    Like

  6. 6

    One massive tit looks at two massive tits.

    Like

  7. 7
    Catosays says:

    I wonder if you’d mind me slipping into your ring!

    Like

  8. 8
    AC1 says:

    They make a lovely pair, and so does Lembit and “friend”.

    Like

  9. 9
    Limpet Opec says:

    When I’m finished with this jungle I’ll start on yours, dear.

    Like

  10. 10

    Pretty lady fingers cretin’s ring.

    Like

  11. 11
    purpleline says:

    Darling you play with this ring now and I will play with your ring piece back at the Hotel. I am rimming with pride. Did you know I was an MP in Westminster before coming out here trying for a career in TV.

    Like

  12. 12
    Steve Miliband says:

    When I said ‘give me a ring when you leave the jungle’ this is not what I meant you fucking perv.

    Like

  13. 13
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” I am in a crap jwellrey advert , Get me out of here ! “

    Like

  14. 14
    Doc Trough says:

    A Celebration I think! O’Tenn, bring us Caviar and Sekt…

    Like

  15. 15
    Steve Miliband says:

    On leaving the jungle Lempit Opik confronts his knockers

    Like

  16. 16
    Son of Gordon and Harriet says:

    Oh, that’s better, I can see the ring now.

    Like

  17. 17

    There’s a ghost in that photo (seriously).

    Like

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Think of all the lucky girls who have worn this ring before.

    Like

  19. 19
    gawkes says:

    “I said to him give me a ring and he brings me here, sucker”

    Like

  20. 20
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Its Ok , I got it on expenses a few years ago “

    Like

  21. 21
    Steve Miliband says:

    Ratners reveal new advert;

    “How can you sell this for such a low price?”
    “because it’s total crap”.

    Like

  22. 22
    Young Man With Dick In Hand says:

    Who is the MILF?

    Like

  23. 24
    Confucius he says:

    Man who pretend to admire lady fingernails really fantasise bout titty-fuck

    Like

  24. 26
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Next Labour leader proves he is a man .

    Like

  25. 27
    Catosays says:

    And this fitted your willy?

    Like

  26. 29
    Ricky Ponting says:

    Lembit “Your tummy looks like you’re pregnant. Tell me you’re not carrying the Son of Brown”

    Like

  27. 30
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” its ok , I have done this before .”

    Like

  28. 32
    Leprechaun says:

    Nice Little Earner:-

    “Anyone with a bit of free time at 1pm tomorrow
    in London – we suggest you hire a boat and
    hang around on the Thames under Westminster
    Bridge. Students from the Slade School
    of Art are planning on protesting the rise
    in university fees by gathering on the bridge
    and, “after Big Ben’s jingle at the strike
    of ONE”, everyone is supposed to release a
    five pound note into the river. “The group will
    then leave in silence”. You could conceivably
    leave considerably richer. And of course,
    donate the money to the students, or something.”

    Like

    • 36
      London Dingy Owner says:

      Lot man the boats boys, a good days pay is on it’s way.

      Someone ask Freddy Flintoff if they can borrow is pedalo as well to get some free money.

      Like

    • 68
      Figgley, D says:

      It’s funny money, mate. I printed it for the little darlings. They ain’t that stupid, FFS.

      Like

    • 231
      CLARENCE frog man HENRY says:

      So the government is right
      Students definitly have more money than sense

      Like

  29. 33

    Opik looking right at it shocker.

    Like

    • 112
      Dick the Prick says:

      Seriously, how the fuck do you get away with that? Respect to the lad.

      Like

      • 118

        As you suggest. Looking at his right arm though maybe he’s performing a vertical appendectomy.

        Like

        • 193
          Dick the Prick says:

          Hope weather’s alright man. Had a leaky kitchen tap so turned water off and fucked off to boozer like a chump so now have eliminated water through frozen activity. Having to resort to cider rather than tea but frankly!!!! Hope all’s well a’Italia. This latest Berlusconni thing looks like it’ll take him out?

          Like

          • Foully wet here too.

            Will he be bothered though? A greater loss to Italy than often reckoned, it’s been grand and dandy having a government led by a politician that doesn’t take himself seriously. he’s on the opposite side of the board to McSnot: surrounded by adulating women, a single guy with some serious cash to splash. North Queensferry or Sardinia anyone?.

            Like

  30. 34
    Steve Miliband says:

    Boasts of being ‘big down under’ win another admirer for unlikely suitor

    Like

  31. 37
    Lady Victoria Sponge says:

    Lemon Optic looks like he has had a stroke and anyone who hooks up with him is seeking publicity and cash. :Φ)

    Like

  32. 39
    Cheeky girl says:

    Nice pair of tits.

    Like

  33. 40
    nell says:

    And who is that shadow lady, in the picture, watching him from behind his right shoulder?

    Surely he’s not being haunted by one his past loves?

    Like

  34. 41
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    Ah, he’s a fellow boob man. Good on him.

    Like

  35. 42
    simon r says:

    The lovebird’s moment of joy soon turned to horror when they noticed that Mark O-a-t-e-n had left a ‘present’ for them on the glass topped cabinet.

    Like

  36. 43

    MP who tried and failed buys ring for bride that was mailed.

    Like

  37. 44
    the clap says:

    After some light cosmetic surgery, Sian and Lembit rekindle the fire.

    Like

  38. 45
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    She bears a worrying resemblance to Sally Alley in profile.

    Like

  39. 46
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Yes Darling … Perfect Darling …. 100k Darling no worries darling …….. An affair Darling , Fine darling ”

    ” What did you say again ?”

    Like

  40. 47
    Lemon Optic says:

    A couple of tits looking for publicity.

    Like

  41. 48
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Passer-by: “That’s quite a tit”

    Lemsip ToothpicK: “Oi! I resemble that remark!”

    Like

  42. 51
    the last quango in paris says:

    I spy a couple of tits

    Like

  43. 52
    Willsteed says:

    Do my tits look big in this?

    Like

  44. 54
    Lembit the stroke victim says:

    I thought he was still in the jungle letting Shaun Ryder give him one up the ring.

    Like

  45. 55
    Steve Miliband says:

    So Lembit, what was it that attracted you to your blond, buxom 21 year old fiance?

    Like

  46. 56
    jgm2 says:

    I’d rather have his ring on my finger than his finger in my ring.

    Like

  47. 57
    Outlier says:

    What an utter twat! Why doesn’t the media simply ignore this vain, attention-seeking idiot….?

    Like

  48. 58
    Lempit Otpik says:

    Exclusive : ” I was kicked out of the Lib Dems for being a hetrosexual man “

    Like

  49. 61
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    What I want for Christmas is the invisibility cloak that this constantly attending photographer has (although this appears to be through a window they have been rather closely shadowed).

    I certainly wouldn’t be using the cloak for photographing these two (good luck to them, I know I would given half a chance) there’s work to be done saving the country!

    Like

  50. 62

    “You’ve got breasts bigger than Guido’s.”

    Like

  51. 64
    Sir William Waad says:

    Lembit’s new job was going well so far.

    Like

  52. 65
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Now, where did that locket go to when the chain broke?”

    Like

  53. 66
    Rog says:

    Lib Rings Merily We Spy…

    Like

  54. 67
    Anonymous says:

    it must be love because he is looking at the ring, personally tru love is looking at the snobbins :)

    Like

  55. 71
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    Is this the same ring you bought that Cheeky Girl?

    Like

  56. 72
    Steve Miliband says:

    UK Secret Agent caught on film trying to bribe wife of FIFA official.

    Like

  57. 72
    Cheeky girl says:

    Opik says: “If I give you this ring will you let me get into your pants”

    Women says: “No thanks I have one arsehole in there all ready”

    Like

  58. 74
    Cheeky girl says:

    Opik says: “Are you sure you are not pregnant? I’ve always wanted a blonde with brain-cells”

    Like

  59. 76
    jgm2 says:

    OT

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-11909607

    officials revised this view of Mr Brown during the financial crisis that followed in the autumn of 2008, when they reported that the then PM was “suddenly riding high”.

    But it was short-lived – by the following April, in the wake of the resignation of aide Damian McBride over a plot to smear T***s, they said it was “unlikely that any Labour politician with his or her eye on the future would want to take on the sinking ship that is the current Labour party at this time of crisis”.

    Brown was ‘riding high’ for the same reason OJ Simpson was ‘riding high’ when he got acquitted. Brown had, with the help of the BBC, changed the narrative from ‘incompetent lunatic destroys UK economy’ to ‘it was all the banker’s fault’. Just as OJ changed the narrative from ‘bang to rights’ to ‘institutionalised police racism’.

    Like

    • 92
      6EQUJ5 says:

      This can’t be true as BBC News 24 haven’t reported it….erm.

      Like

    • 106
      Ethan says:

      Riding high becuase he was carrying little of substance.

      You can try to hide your inner fuckwit for some time but sooner or later a fuckwit will emerge. I just had no idea that behind McDoom’s inner fuckwit was a even bigger mentalist fuckwit.

      Like

      • 124
        Harriet Rugmuncher says:

        Spot-on!!

        Like

      • 160
        Hugh Janus says:

        Brutal but remarkably accurate.

        Like

        • 384
          Archer Karcher says:

          The BBC need spearing, problem is, boy Dave is either too cowardly, stupid or incompetent to do the deed. They will destroy him in the end, no matter how hard he tries to be their ‘progressive’ pin up boy, so some good may come of it.

          Like

  60. 77
    Ethan says:

    Lemsip Opec – amazing how a bloke as (p)ugly as him, does it. Are there REALLY that many blind women in Westmonster? Or has he dug a tunnel into a ‘Womens college for the terminally blind and daft?

    Like

  61. 80

    Thank God I didn’t get re-elected – I couldn’t handle all this abstaining lark.

    http://fxbites.blogspot.com/2010/11/im-cable-and-shameless.html

    Like

  62. 82
    what a profile says:

    the ring slips on like this, you won’t know I’m wearing it, and my erections will last longer

    Like

  63. 83
    Buying her giant muff and comedy tits says:

    He’s paying for her ring. The pikey bike (who has 3 qualifuckations – a quim, an arse-hole, and a mouth, that the deformed fuckpig seeks from ‘women’) is his PA (aka proz).

    Like

  64. 84
    jdennis_99 says:

    Of course, she’s with him for his personality. Not the diamond, you hear? And of course, he’s with her for her… “personality”.

    Like

  65. 86
    BillyBob - Ooman Rights Legislation, just a load of bollocks!! says:

    Honey, yes I know, my cock ring fits your finger…… is that a problem??

    Like

  66. 87
    Lembit Oik says:

    Slipping a finger in my ring makes me smile like that too.

    Like

  67. 89
    Proctologist says:

    up to the kuckle

    Like

  68. 90
    Siân (not the real one) Lloyd says:

    Three tits and a wedding.

    Like

  69. 91
    NotaSheep says:

    Outstanding

    Like

  70. 95
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Have a butchers at this :

    Its a laugh

    Like

  71. 97
    Limpet Opec says:

    I’m fascinated by your Swatch. Are they genuine?

    Like

  72. 98

    “I’m hallucinating – all I can see is Chris Huhne and Vince Cable!”

    Like

  73. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Well known Irish navvy, Lembit O’Pick, admires his ‘Cheeky Girls’ .

    Like

  74. 102
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    L*ckerbie bomber to sue Scotish prison , for failing to look after him .

    Like

  75. 103
    Anonymous says:

    Lembit’s fembot tries on ring tat.

    Like

  76. 105

    Desperate Lembit had tried
    to order a catalogue bride
    she came with big tits
    and a strap-on that fits
    right up Opik’s backside

    Like

  77. 107
    cheesy knob says:

    weather its cheeky or not hes now going for a–shes 21 get me into her.

    Like

  78. 108
    Amike says:

    “Difficult to see it properly under the overhang Lemmy, but fits the ring finger just great. Real comfy. A genuine Aussie croc anus, wow!”

    Like

  79. 109
    Radio Balls Pond Road says:

    Stop fingering my arse, you’re making me giggle.

    Like

  80. 113
    joe 90 is Belgian Commie says:

    Limptwatt starts Wales 2026 World Cup bid by looking for proportional Representation

    Like

  81. 114
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Well its a better sight than looking at Labour from across the House “

    Like

  82. 115
    Engineer says:

    Not a caption, but I just wonder what the tensile strength of t-shirt material is. It’s elasticity is clearly quite good.

    Like

  83. 117
    Four Eyed English Genius says:

    Big tits all round, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

    Like

  84. 123
    bergen says:

    Lembit has imitate and overtake strategy to beat Boris in next mayoral contest.

    Like

  85. 126
    Pattie O'Doors says:

    Here’s another picture of the happy couple…

    Like

  86. 129
    Airey Belvoir says:

    “I hope you like it – I bought a whole box of them wholesale on expenses, only a few left now.”

    Like

  87. 130
    Harriet Rugmuncher says:

    He’s a lop-sided c’unt, but I wonder what Lembit’s sex face looks like.

    Like

  88. 131
    Guido Tweet says:

    “Odd article from Sam Coates in @timespolitics accusing me of “using material from Tory Press Officers.” Something he does every day.”

    Like

  89. 133
    streamfisher says:

    Lembit fisting half a yard makes bitch laugh.

    Like

  90. 134
    Gordon Brown says:

    I cannot see what he sees in her

    Like

  91. 139
    Postal Vote says:

    Naturally interested in natural curves …

    Mind you, being women-obsessed is not an impediment to become London Mayor!

    Like

  92. 140
    SIR STANLEY CAMERON says:

    Kidney bean faced would be comedian
    oggles a pair of false tits

    Like

  93. 141
    Head ICC Honcho says:

    Very attractive.

    Like

  94. 142
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    With no chance of ever being elected again as a Lib-Dum
    Limp dick and his child bride consider a legal passage into Labour

    Like

  95. 144
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Blonde: ‘ It’s lovely but I’d really like Kate Middleton’s ring.’

    Limpdick: ‘After three months I’ll probably be saying the same thing.’

    Like

  96. 145
    BEAN FACE says:

    I must marry this one quick before i become a total nobody !

    Like

  97. 147
    Thunders says:

    They did a great job filing off the engraved “Cheeky cheeky”…

    Like

  98. 148
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Blonde: ‘ The ring’s lovely! D’ya know what would go well behind my ears with it ?? ‘

    Limpdick: ‘ Your ankles ??’

    Like

  99. 151
    jockstrap says:

    ok now can i have look at pussy

    Like

  100. 154
    randomly pressing keys says:

    Grey bimbo : So, do you three come here often?

    Like

  101. 155
    m m m m m m mr speaker says:

    Like

  102. 156
    shellingout says:

    Oh dear. Well the cheeky girl must have been well past her sell by date when he broke off their engagement, so he’s had to get a newer model. Doesn’t say much about her taste in men though, does it.

    Like

    • 180
      LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

      The cheeky girl Dumped bean face
      not the other way round !

      Like

      • 203
        shellingout says:

        OK, but it still doesn’t say much for her taste in men. She obviously kept the ring, otherwise he wouldn’t be in Tiffany’s.

        Like

  103. 161
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    Was the ring slippery?

    Like

  104. 163
    Jonathan says:

    Why on earth give yet more publicity to this useless has-been? He abused the parliamentary expenses system – don’t forget the alterations to his kitchen and the 42″ plasma television paid for by the public purse, was a waste of space as MP for Montgomeryshire – the electorate there finally got fed up with his “celebrity” life style and threw him out at the General Election. Round the Welsh Marches most of us are sick to death of this loon-faced, self-serving, self-promoting idiot

    Like

  105. 164
    Mandy says:

    What on earth does he see in her?

    Like

  106. 165
    HARRY CO BEAN says:

    Yer pants are commin down !

    No there not !

    Well fuckin rings going back then !

    Like

  107. 167
    MUNG BEAN says:

    If a woz still an MP yer cud av ad one off the £100 tray !

    Lets try Ratners !

    Like

  108. 170
    A RUMMAGE THROUGH THE UNDERGROWTH says:

    She is saying

    I hope you last longer in my bush than you did in that one !

    Like

  109. 174
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Let me get this right Lembit, you’ll buy me this ring if I let you take me from behind?

    Like

  110. 176
    Little Boy Blue says:

    Do you like it darling – I get them wholesale.

    Like

  111. 177
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    Ha ha dates a cheeky girl
    gets involved in their immigration row
    soon as it’s sorted gets dumped
    ever get the feeling you were sought out ?

    i wonder what this one wants ?

    Like

  112. 179
    Blond in the photo says:

    If you need some light relief, Lembit, wear this at full volume, babes.

    Like

  113. 181
    smoggie says:

    “And one ring to rue the Mall.”

    Like

  114. 182
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    As a failed MP !
    I still hold some clout !

    Like

  115. 184
    Lembit and babe says:

    “Didja say you was a minister in da guvverment?”

    “Of course. I’m minister for…um…the ring cost £20,000.”

    “Oh wicked! Fanks!”

    Like

  116. 186
    Sir William Waad says:

    She: “Now, where’s the microscope?”

    Like

  117. 189
    • 196
      Bernard Manning says:

      The lad’s coming on good. Pimplet should now concentrate on saying something funny.

      Like

      • 239
        LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

        Thank you thank you calm down !

        David Chaytor in the prison showers he looks at the bloke next to him who has a 14″ cock
        Jesus christ mate ! I’d give my right arm for half of that !

        Bloke point’s to the floor and says
        Pass us that soap and you can have all of it !

        Like

        • 241
          LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

          thank you thank you
          you’ve been a great audience
          before i go

          Phil woolarse went home from the pub
          he says to his wife
          Our milkman was in the pub shouting out that he had shagged every woman in our street except one !
          his wife say’s yes it’s probably that miseable cow at no32

          boom boom thak you

          Like

  118. 190
    Bat out of Hell says:

    The strange and funny appearance of Meat Loaf on This Week talking about being a conservative and a sex god.

    Like

  119. 191
    Ludwig says:

    He’s fallen in love, arse over tit!

    Like

  120. 192
    Anonymous says:

    do a search on google for:
    lembit opik girlfriend
    then click on images to get thumbnails of his past/present birds in all their various states of undress.

    It’s a veritable wankfest.

    Say what you like about him being a nerdy annoying twat, but he’s a fucking lucky nerdy annoying twat.

    Like

  121. 194
    Bat out of Hell says:

    “Lembit’s new squeezable squeeze”.

    Like

  122. 200
    smoggie says:

    For any England fans in need of a larf..

    Like

  123. 201
    Delbit Trotpeg says:

    A nice cluster of solitaire diamonds
    Lovely Jubbly

    Like

  124. 206
    nell says:

    http://www.heatworld.com/Im-A-Celebrity-Get-Me-Out-Of-Here/2010/12/Gillian-McKeiths-diva-jungle-demands-and-the-Lembit-Opik-roadshow/

    +++laugh++

    lembit says he has to find a way to earn a living so he’s joining up with gillianmckeith in a roadshow about insect phobias!!

    Like

  125. 207
  126. 211
    nell says:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/formulaone/article-1333283/Fabiana-Flosi-Bernie-Ecclestone-mugged-200-000-jewellery.html

    Well of course these women are only interested in money / jewellery

    just look at 80yearold bernie’s latest!

    Like

  127. 213
    Even Have I Got News For You taking piss out of Ed says:

    Like

  128. 218
    Busted Nokia says:

    that ring has more carats than her age

    Like

  129. 223
    shellingout says:

    Lembit is a serial fiancee.

    Like

  130. 225
    Laban says:

    “You have to say that’s magnificent”

    Like

  131. 227
    ...... says:

    I love italics.

    Like

  132. 236
    Delbit Trotpeg says:

    That ring costs more than than Uni fees

    Like

  133. 238
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    TIT’s better to have loved and lost
    than never to have loved at all

    Like

  134. 240
    The Lumberjack Diet says:

    So, when I pull on this one, your bottom squeaks?

    Like

  135. 242
    Dack Blog says:

    A picture of Lembit Opik? A caption would be superfluous.

    Like

  136. 244
    GRIPPER SMITH CAREER CRIMINAL PRISON DADDY and part time puff says:

    Limp Dick Opek
    the only man alive with an arsehole at each end !

    Like

  137. 246
    concrete pump says:

    What the fucks with the italics…..?

    Like

  138. 247
    Bat out of Hell says:

    It was rather delicious to see piggy surrounded by the press. The look on his face is priceless.

    Like

  139. 248
    The wanker on the blog says:

    Respect. I couldn’t keep this up. V funny +1

    Like

  140. 249
    Dont panic dont panic there is no fuel shortage says:

    there is now you jurno wankers
    why fucking report it if it isn’t true
    oh i know to start panic buying and cause a new story for your rag
    tossers

    Like

    • 402
      happydays says:

      Hurry up get down to asda they are rapidly selling out of petrol the local sniffers have all been round with their litre bottles filling up

      Like

  141. 250
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Let’s sum up the parties with 1 word:

    Labour: Incompetent
    Conservative: Corrupt
    LibDem: Wierd

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-11915836

    Like

  142. 251
    The wanker on the blog says:

    Sian said there would be pressure building round my parts.

    Like

  143. 252
    nell says:

    lembit is as seriously incompetent at relationships as buzzmilitwit is as seriously incompetent at politics.

    Like

    • 261
      A woman spurned says:

      Ooooh! Get her!

      Like

      • 270
        nell says:

        A woman spurned eh??!!

        Bit like gordon with the yanks then?? Hmm??!

        Like

        • 274
          David "It's too close to call" Cameron says:

          If only he’d have been willing to be a junior partner, who knows how the special relationship would have gone?
          My hero, Tony, taught me that when romancing our American friends, coquettishness really turns them on

          Like

          • nell says:

            son of brown, edmilitwit says, “my hero tells me that all I need to do is romance omaha in a kitchen somewhere and the yanks will lurve me”!!

            Like

          • David "It's too close to call" Cameron says:

            Luckily, he’s not in power, so who knows what a balls up of EU budget increases, the world cup bid, and junior partner in the special relationship he would make.

            Like

          • nell says:

            The world cup bid??

            gordon never understood like to rest of us that it was always going to go to russia.

            Yes cameron had to try and turn the tide with decency, honesty and an excellent bid. And he was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t.

            But even he knew, as we did, that russia had far too much mafia money for bribes, and the dark side of humanity was going to win out this time.

            Honesty and decency were drowned by bribery and corruption.

            There you go!!

            Like

          • Francis Maude says:

            David Chaytor!
            What a thieving bastard.

            Like

          • nell says:

            DavidChaytor – yeah sure but what about the rest like uddin and moran…………….??

            Like

  144. 254
    Ooh errrr matron says:

    darling..slip your finger into my ring…that’s right, all the way over the knuckle…does it fit? What? It’s too slack?

    Like

  145. 256
    Anonymous says:

    C’mon lembit that ring doesn’t cost anywhere near as much as my bust enhancement did!

    Like

  146. 258
    Bat out of Hell says:

    Lembit seems attracted to chavs. My idea of a beautiful woman is the perfect English rose Emily Blunt.

    Like

  147. 263
    The last quango in paris says:

    Theres a ghost there!!

    Like

  148. 264
    The last quango in paris says:

    Is she u t d ?

    Like

  149. 273
    Dick Scratcher says:

    “…and how about a nice pair of drops to go with them darling?”

    Like

  150. 277
    Vote for change says:

    300+ lives in Afghanistan a complete waste of space according to our American friends.
    Still think that’s a price worth paying Dave?

    Like

  151. 278
    Vote for change says:

    300+ lives in Afghanistan a complete waste of space according to our American friends.
    Still think that’s a pr*ce worth paying Dave?

    Like

    • 286
      nell says:

      How many of them died under bliar and brown’s premiership?

      Yes dave’s not clear of guilt either. And we arenlt going to forgive him for not getting our lads out of there as soon as he realised we couldn’t win. Which he surely did as he came into no.10.

      But let’s put blame where blame’s due. Who took us into this war? Who made sure our troops didn’t have kit and equipment to do the job? And who stood back and watched most them die over the few years when he could have done something to have at least made sure they had proper vehicles, kit and and equipment. Brown did! because he wanted to best bliar!!

      Brown and aintbustinagut didn’t give a toss. Bliar felt even less!! They went to bed every night, knowing our lads were dying, and never lost a minute’s sleep. And don’t you ever forget it!!!

      Like

      • 287
        Dave "I'm going to get it sorted" Cameron says:

        Goodnight nell, and god bless British troops.

        http://www.channel4.com/news/harsh-criticism-for-british-military-in-us-diplomatic-cables

        Like

        • 294
          nell says:

          Don’t believe dave’s getting it sorted.

          Don’t believe it’s a war we can win.

          At the same time don’t stop believing in our lads because they are f++++++ marvellous . They are out there under equipped, poor vehicles, not enough medical support and fighting their hearts out. You won’t find better fighting men anywhere!!

          The yanks by comparison have been babied with every sophisticated piece of kit, best vehicles and armaments, much of it purchased from british manufacturers that have been blocked from supplying our own troops.

          Thanks gordon and aintbustinagut for nothing!!

          Dave and liam have still to make their mark!!

          Like

        • 295
          Dave "I'm going to get it sorted" Cameron says:

          So when it comes to a choice between supporting the coalition, or sending more young servicemen into the meat grinder of Afghanistan, nell’s preference is blood for expenses, and political cowardice worthy of Gordon Brown.

          Like

          • nell says:

            Choice?? You idiot!!

            bliar and gordon haven’t left our soldiers with a choice!!

            There is no immediate way out of the hell labour has locked us into with it’s wars.

            All we can hope for now is that the coalition get our lads out of there sooner rather than later, because even they can’t get money and equipment to them fast enough to ensure that more of them are not going to die. Anybody that understands supply line technology understand that.

            bliarbrown and aintbustingut really do have blood on their hands.

            If cameron and liam don’t act fast to get our lads out of there so will they.

            Like

          • John Bercow says:

            The blood on his hands is washed away by the tears he weeps every Wednesday from 12:00 to 12:01.
            Then we get on to the serious business of knockabout politics.

            Like

          • nell says:

            That’s gordon then is it bercow? Every night in the chamber from 1200 to 1201??

            That’s why he has cost us more the £2500 in airfares, between scotland and westminster in the last 6 months since he lost power, is it??!!

            Like

          • Dave "Firm but fair" Cameron says:

            Don’t fret nell. I’ll get it sorted.

            Like

    • 289
      Some Numbnut says:

      Yes, The Americans can be slightly annoying, don’t you think?
      Our boys will come home. Some of them will come home in several pieces.
      Look. We are fighting a war on terror. There are no winners.
      This is war. We have to keep at it. Without this invented conflict, the Western World would collapse. How else would we spend your money if we weren’t at war ?
      Sacrifices have to be made. War is never easy or cheap. We must never thumb our noses at the opportunity forwar. We will fight on until they realise that Britain is not for turning.

      etc. etc .

      E x .

      Fuckin arseholes .

      Like

  152. 281
    CCHQ says:

    8:23.

    Hasn’t engineer clocked on yet?

    Stop his benefits immediately.

    Like

    • 300
      Mad Dog says:

      Sa

      Sa

      SAU

      SAUUUU

      SAUUUUSSS

      SAUUUSSSSSSSS

      SAUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAA

      SSAAUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

      SSAAAUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS

      SAUSAGES!

      Like

    • 302
      CCHQ tealady says:

      nell’s doing a double shift. He’s snowed in his shed. Two sugars nell?

      Like

      • 316
        nell says:

        He probably is!

        I think he lives in cheshire. That’s where the big snowfalls are supposed to be tonight!

        I however have no intention of doing double shifts for anyone.

        Cosy bed, glass of wine, decent book, just beginning to snow outside and a rabbit thawing ready for me to cook rabbit stew and herby dumplings tomorrow.

        Heaven!!

        Like

        • 323
          War? What war? says:

          As long as your comfortable, fuck those squaddies in danger of missing the weekend’s Conservative trolling.

          Like

          • nell says:

            Ah! There you are aintbustinagut and kevan

            Well y’know we middle aged ladies do what we can to raise funds for injured troops and to keep the plight of our under-resourced troops in the field in the public eye with press releases and blog posts.

            Given that your, now failed, government is responsible for putting them there, what are you doing for them??!!

            Like

          • dave "junior partner" cameron says:

            Fuck all, nell, if the truth be told.

            Like

  153. 282
    Lemsip O'paque says:

    You know darling, I am interested in asteroids, and particularly Uranus.

    Like

  154. 288
    A Life in Prayer says:

    “As it is more than 6 months since my last dumping, I assume my ring is ready for re-use.”

    Like

  155. 292
    Cassandrina says:

    Seems the ice and snow have quadrupled the entries to this blog concerning two twits and a twat.

    Like

  156. 297
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    Now watch a real stand up comedian
    play the crowd !

    Like

    • 335
      Now watch a real stand up comedian play the crowd ! says:

      Like

    • 353
      Barack Omaha says:

      ED BALLS
      Super-bright but charmless
      ‘Super bright, relatively young, Ed Balls … has performed badly as schools secretary and is accused of shirking responsibility for the failings of his department … Critics point out that since coming out from the shadows and entering the public arena, Balls has shown himself to be less than suited to the top job: his public speaking is derided as “dull”, his slightly awkward manner as “charmless”, and he has many enemies within the party, precisely because of his relationship with the PM. Party insiders accuse him of cowardice because he tells Brown what he thinks Brown wants to hear.’

      Like

  157. 299
    Greg Beales says:

    Quote of the Day

    Guido Fawkes

    “Dr Vince Cable has performed so many U-turns over the issue of university funding that he is spinning on his heels.

    “That might stand him in good stead with the Strictly Come Dancing judges but the electorate will see it differently.”

    Like

    • 301
      nell says:

      Never mind vince. How much have those faux middle class bored meeja uni/13 year old aspiring students of makeup and beauty cost the taxpayer in trashed premises and police time.

      It must amount to £millions.

      Are they worth it??!!

      Like

      • 304
        CCHQ tealady says:

        nell your tea’s getting cold. I made some turnip biscuits.

        Like

        • 314
          nell says:

          Tealadies were retired when shriekyshriti and gordon finally left no.10.

          There was finally no-one left to scream abuse at them.

          Go home, put your feet up and enjoy some peace and quiet!

          As for turnips, try roasted parsnips. Same family but much sweeter. Really good with a sunday roast!!

          Like

        • 315
          Number 8 says:

          Sorry to hear about your predecessor losing his job because William Hague kept rogering his leg and arse everytime he bent down over to put the kettle on.

          Like

  158. 303
    Guido's spad says:

    ” Going for Bust”

    Like

  159. 309
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    And after a whirlwind romance limp dick utters those four little words

    Yer Not Are Ye ?

    Like

  160. 310
    CCHQ tealady says:

    Girl (adjusts beer goggles to ‘level 12x Bacardi Breezers’ as unzips gargoyle’s fly): “Lembit – you didn’t wash all those maggots off.”

    Like

  161. 317
    LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

    anyone logged on near a telly just stick sky news on after the add’s is one of our scum class tarts phoning 999 to report that someone has stolen her snowman !
    i heared it earlier it is fuckin unreal !

    Like

  162. 318
    nell says:

    Never mind stolen snowmen!

    One last thought for tonight. I hope someone is looking after wikileaks assange. He sure deserves it!! Free speech is everything!!

    Like

  163. 322
    Lemsip Oak Pick says:

    Yebbut think how disappointed he’ll be when he finds out she hasn’t got a cock.

    Like

    • 329
      nell says:

      I think more importantly it will be how disappointed she is when she finds out he has no income and no power and he’s hoping to make a few bob as a stand up comic!!

      I suspect she’ll have less staying power than a snowflake in a heatwave!!!

      Like

  164. 324
    Beeb Watch says:

    No Tits Fiona Bruce just followed the Chaytor humiliation interview with Iain Watson with rumour of Cable’s Vote FOR Tuition Fees, no pause and change of subject as usual just straight juxstaposition.

    Al-beeba, ZanuLiebour’s broadcasting arm!!

    WTF!!

    Like

    • 325
      Pay up, and play the game says:

      WTF are you doing watching it, and am i right in surmising you paid £142:50 for the privilege?

      Like

  165. 327
    Phil Woolas says:

    I will be backing Afzal Khan as the Labour candidate for the Oldham East and Saddleworth by-election

    Like

    • 377

      So, Phil – you think that the solution to segregation and the marginalisation of the English population is to choose a Parki as a candidate on the basis of what?

      Postal votes?
      Inclusion?
      Equality?

      Fuck off you Huhne, and remember that I know you’re a police grass.

      Like

  166. 331
  167. 332
    MR BEAN face says:

    Ok who ran over his fuckin head ?

    Like

  168. 333
    Trannie Watch says:

    Just heard Droney droming on NewsNight; seems the financial frauder trannie reckons that he worked on the shopfloor at Jaguar Landrover, when pressing Irwin Steltzer on worker exploitation!!

    Feck off Crack-a-Jack, never done an honest day in your life!!

    Like

    • 378

      The c’unt has been totally employed by the Supreme Soviet since before Grunwick, at which time he had already dropped his former friends – if he went on the shop floor these days they’d give the twat a mop and bucket cause he’s fuck all use for anything else.

      Like

  169. 334
  170. 336
    From The Labour Party School of Ethics says:

    A lawyer jailed for conning millions from a bank to help a friend’s airline has been asked to repay more than £2m. Kate Johns, the former deputy head of Tokyo Mitsubishi’s legal section, asked colleagues to approve letters of credit for Indonesian carrier Air Efata. The offences, which took place in 2006, cost the bank about £7.7m. Air Efata shut down and its boss killed himself. Southwark Crown Court asked Mrs Johns, 40, of Gloucester Avenue, Camden Town, north London, to pay within six months. Her personal assets which could be recovered by the authorities were thought to be worth £2.1m. This included her share of the family home, about £100,000 worth of jewellery and a credit card with more than £10,000 credit. If Mrs Johns fails to settle the amount she faces a 10-year jail term.

    Like

  171. 338
    remember says:

    It reminds me of my other famous girlfriends song entitled touch my ring. I liked that.

    Like

  172. 339
    annnnonyperson says:

    “Ummm…. remind me, my dear: Which Cheeky Girl are you, again?”

    Like

  173. 342
    memories of propermoney says:

    You don’t buy many of them for a euro.

    Like

  174. 344
    taffy says:

    My parents always said it is better to be born lucky than good looking.
    I am taking her back to whales when i stand again as an Mp they are proud of their mountains in whales.

    Like

  175. 345
    Five Go Mad On Billy's Cock ! says:

    Not long till kick off. 1 for 0 sounds good to me. Bring The Squatters on, I say!

    Like

  176. 346
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Right , Message to trolls ( Left and right ) , I aint a tory lover or a labour lover or a lib dem lover , In fact they all scum . Our politcs is one big fuckin game for them , Its as corupt as Fifa .

    the only main protest we have is voting for the lesser of 2 evils .

    I am fucking sick of the tit-tat between all sides , Why not put country first ?

    The only people that suffer are taxpayers .

    Maybe Guido Fawkes had the right fuckin idea , You have abused the taxpayer enough 1

    Like

  177. 348
    Robbie says:

    Lembit gets set for his favourite bush f*ck her trial.

    Like

  178. 356
    honest lembit says:

    Hasn’t life turned to shit.
    A few years ago i could have put that down on my parliamentary expenses.

    Like

  179. 357
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Right , I got problem from Wiki about voilitre

    ” “I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.”[

    But says it aint him but in the spirit of him , Can anyone post a link to the truth ?

    Like

    • 359
      the clap says:

      Lol ! Err….no. Strauss fancied watching the match from the pavillion, it seems?

      Like

    • 360
      wiseman says:

      click the link on this website
      edmillibandtonyblairgordonbrownjackstraw.liar.co.uk
      they will explain the meaning of truth

      Like

    • 380

      Twas Evelyn Beatrice Hall in her biography of Voltaire – he never said it in those words, but it’s an essential element of the Social Contract.

      It doesn’t apply to the Balding Nobheads Party or anyone else who questions the approved line though….

      Like

  180. 361
    Billy is Holding the batsman's Willey says:

    Na night Billy. Na night lesser posters. R2 fucked. Can’t be bothered. See you in the future.

    Like

  181. 362
    healthyman says:

    I am following government advice eating 2 melons counts as part of your 5 a day fruits.

    Like

  182. 363
    Breaking News says:

    Apparently some teenagers have been arrested for an arson attack on a newly built mosque in Stoke On Trent. And people keep saying teenagers don’t do anything useful.

    Like

    • 366
      sammishakabartsimpson says:

      I’ve got a solicitor for them they had nothing to do they were only rsing about waiting for the student riots next week.

      Like

  183. 367
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    There’s a lefty presenter on Talksport right now, Matt Forde, asking for calls about David Chaytor. Forde used to work for Labour and he’s actually defending Chaytor! Co-conspirators should call in and give the Labour twat an earful!

    Like

    • 376

      To be fair to Forde, he’s not that bad for a broadcaster – too right wing for the BBC but still out of touch with the real world.

      Mike Graham – there was a proper libertarian on the airwaves, but he’s now clowning about in the mornings with that fool Parry who used to ‘write’ for the Excess.

      I’d do the show just for expenses if I’m allowed to rip the heads off the leftie callers…

      Like

  184. 369
    THE LATE GREAT BERNARD MANNING says:

    If she was my daughter
    i’d still be bathing her !

    Like

  185. 370
    • 375
      albacore says:

      Oh, where have you been
      Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
      Oh, where have you been
      Charming Billy?
      If this is news to you
      You’ve been sniffing too much glue
      It’s a done thing
      And Fawkes would have no other

      Like

  186. 371
    Blunt says:

    Fuck me I’d shag her tits

    Like

  187. 373
    Ms Opik says:

    Lembit is campaigning for Britain to allow one to marry their pet. He wants to be the first and marry this moose

    Like

  188. 374

    One ring to ruin them all, One ring to lie to them –
    One ring to support a war and in the darkness blind them.

    Limpdick Nobrain is our very own Gollum, except he’s too precioussssss for his own sake.

    Like

  189. 381
    John says:

    Presumably Opik was the one left in the bar when all the “WAG target” footballers had left for the clubs.

    “Come over here my dear, milky, milky…”

    Like

  190. 382
    Anonymous says:

    Lib Dem Mike ‘Handy’ Hancock’s researcher is a Russian spook claim the Sun…

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3259735/MPs-Russian-aide-to-get-boot-in-spy-row.html

    Like

  191. 383
    Johan says:

    Lib Dem Mike ‘Handy’ Hancock’s researcher is a Russian spook claim the Sun…

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3259735/MPs-Russian-aide-to-get-boot-in-spy-row.html

    Like

  192. 389
    Soho blighter says:

    There is no way dem melons are real…

    Like

  193. 390
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Saturday 7-up thread

    http://order-order.com/2010/12/04/saturday-seven-up-60/

    Like

  194. 392

    No caption needed! I think the I’m a Celeb, Get Me Out of Here drum sequence would be perfect for this image… dum dum da da dum da dum dum dum…!

    Like

  195. 395
    Cynic says:

    built for comfort not for speed

    Like

  196. 396
    Dave Spartacus says:

    So, Mr Lemsip, What first attracted you to your large-breasted blonde fiancee.. ?

    Like

  197. 397
    gildedtumbril says:

    Looks like a pair of inflatables to me.

    Like

  198. 398
    Anonymous says:

    “I do so like it when a girl slips a finger into my ring……”

    Like

  199. 399
    Ken Humphreys says:

    And now I would like to check two other sizes.

    Like

  200. 400
    Jethro says:

    “With thid thing, I tnee bed.£

    Like

  201. 403
    lembitblunkett says:

    I dont care if i do go blind

    Like

  202. 404
    Anonymous says:

    3 tits spotted in shop

    Like

  203. 405
    Rick says:

    At last you put a ring on my finger instead of my finger in your ring.

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

More Owen Jones Errors | Michael Ezra
Why Should Men Get Equal Maternity Leave? | Laura Keynes
Dentists Have Last Laugh Over Sneering Keynes | FT
Why’s Clegg Giving Men Paternity Leave? | Conservative Women
Cam Cannot Stem EU Immigration | David Keighley
9 Mansion Tax Questions for Ed Balls | TPA
Politicians are Lying to You About Immigration | Alex Wickham
Give Journalists Public Interest Defence in Law | Guardian
Cameron is Going to Have to Deal With UKIP | Dan Hodges
Opinions on Key Issues By Constituency | Red Box
Britain Irrelevant Inside EU | Dan Hannan


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Chris Bryant talks to the Times Diary about a famous gay actor:

“I don’t think I’ve had sex with him. He says we had sex in Clapham. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had sex south of the river”



Progressive Inclusion Champion says:

Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.


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