December 3rd, 2010

Friday Caption Contest (Lembit Slips On Ring Edition)


  1. 1
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    I refuse to be snarky about this, and I wish them both well for the future.

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” you think your pussy is that small ? “

    • 110
      News ... Sky Snooze - Breaking News - Sky Snooze - Breaking says:

      We are all pussies here, especially our twat Security Editor Sam Kiley who is attempting to bat for the government and establishment by assassinating the character of a certain Mr Assange.

      - – - + + + – - –

      Are Sky jealous they haven’t been given any ‘exclusives’ by any chance..?

      Why do they call themselves journalists? Why not just simpering apparatchiks?

      • 393
        Anonymous says:

        That’s easy, piece of the political action, either as advisers or prospective Tory MPs, the Tories bus in their chosen ones to nice safe seats just as Nu Lieboar dig to their favourites.

  3. 3
    Merv the Perv, BoE says:

    So, do you by any chance take it up the chuffer?

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Yes i know about the birds and bees , stop being cheeky “

  5. 5

    Man with stupid name and stupid face checks out a new pair of ‘cheeky girls’.

  6. 6

    One massive tit looks at two massive tits.

  7. 7
    Catosays says:

    I wonder if you’d mind me slipping into your ring!

  8. 8
    AC1 says:

    They make a lovely pair, and so does Lembit and “friend”.

  9. 9
    Limpet Opec says:

    When I’m finished with this jungle I’ll start on yours, dear.

  10. 10

    Pretty lady fingers cretin’s ring.

  11. 11
    purpleline says:

    Darling you play with this ring now and I will play with your ring piece back at the Hotel. I am rimming with pride. Did you know I was an MP in Westminster before coming out here trying for a career in TV.

  12. 12
    Steve Miliband says:

    When I said ‘give me a ring when you leave the jungle’ this is not what I meant you fucking perv.

  13. 13
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” I am in a crap jwellrey advert , Get me out of here ! “

  14. 14
    Doc Trough says:

    A Celebration I think! O’Tenn, bring us Caviar and Sekt…

  15. 15
    Steve Miliband says:

    On leaving the jungle Lempit Opik confronts his knockers

  16. 16
    Son of Gordon and Harriet says:

    Oh, that’s better, I can see the ring now.

  17. 17

    There’s a ghost in that photo (seriously).

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Think of all the lucky girls who have worn this ring before.

  19. 19
    gawkes says:

    “I said to him give me a ring and he brings me here, sucker”

  20. 20
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Its Ok , I got it on expenses a few years ago “

  21. 21
    Steve Miliband says:

    Ratners reveal new advert;

    “How can you sell this for such a low price?”
    “because it’s total crap”.

  22. 22
    Young Man With Dick In Hand says:

    Who is the MILF?

  23. 24
    Confucius he says:

    Man who pretend to admire lady fingernails really fantasise bout titty-fuck

  24. 26
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Next Labour leader proves he is a man .

  25. 27
    Catosays says:

    And this fitted your willy?

  26. 29
    Ricky Ponting says:

    Lembit “Your tummy looks like you’re pregnant. Tell me you’re not carrying the Son of Brown”

  27. 30
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” its ok , I have done this before .”

  28. 32
    Leprechaun says:

    Nice Little Earner:-

    “Anyone with a bit of free time at 1pm tomorrow
    in London – we suggest you hire a boat and
    hang around on the Thames under Westminster
    Bridge. Students from the Slade School
    of Art are planning on protesting the rise
    in university fees by gathering on the bridge
    and, “after Big Ben’s jingle at the strike
    of ONE”, everyone is supposed to release a
    five pound note into the river. “The group will
    then leave in silence”. You could conceivably
    leave considerably richer. And of course,
    donate the money to the students, or something.”

    • 36
      London Dingy Owner says:

      Lot man the boats boys, a good days pay is on it’s way.

      Someone ask Freddy Flintoff if they can borrow is pedalo as well to get some free money.

    • 68
      Figgley, D says:

      It’s funny money, mate. I printed it for the little darlings. They ain’t that stupid, FFS.

      • 94
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        I’m sure I’ve got a fake five pound note somewhere.

        Its got a picture of a harp on it.

      • 99
        Hugh ffishingly-Whittlingstool says:

        Figgy, old chap – I had no idea you were at the Fed now.

    • 231
      CLARENCE frog man HENRY says:

      So the government is right
      Students definitly have more money than sense

  29. 33

    Opik looking right at it shocker.

    • 112
      Dick the Prick says:

      Seriously, how the fuck do you get away with that? Respect to the lad.

      • 118

        As you suggest. Looking at his right arm though maybe he’s performing a vertical appendectomy.

        • 193
          Dick the Prick says:

          Hope weather’s alright man. Had a leaky kitchen tap so turned water off and fucked off to boozer like a chump so now have eliminated water through frozen activity. Having to resort to cider rather than tea but frankly!!!! Hope all’s well a’Italia. This latest Berlusconni thing looks like it’ll take him out?

          • Foully wet here too.

            Will he be bothered though? A greater loss to Italy than often reckoned, it’s been grand and dandy having a government led by a politician that doesn’t take himself seriously. he’s on the opposite side of the board to McSnot: surrounded by adulating women, a single guy with some serious cash to splash. North Queensferry or Sardinia anyone?.

  30. 34
    Steve Miliband says:

    Boasts of being ‘big down under’ win another admirer for unlikely suitor

  31. 37
    Lady Victoria Sponge says:

    Lemon Optic looks like he has had a stroke and anyone who hooks up with him is seeking publicity and cash. :Φ)

  32. 39
    Cheeky girl says:

    Nice pair of tits.

  33. 40
    nell says:

    And who is that shadow lady, in the picture, watching him from behind his right shoulder?

    Surely he’s not being haunted by one his past loves?

  34. 41
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    Ah, he’s a fellow boob man. Good on him.

  35. 42
    simon r says:

    The lovebird’s moment of joy soon turned to horror when they noticed that Mark O-a-t-e-n had left a ‘present’ for them on the glass topped cabinet.

  36. 43

    MP who tried and failed buys ring for bride that was mailed.

  37. 44
    the clap says:

    After some light cosmetic surgery, Sian and Lembit rekindle the fire.

  38. 45
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    She bears a worrying resemblance to Sally Alley in profile.

  39. 46
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Yes Darling … Perfect Darling …. 100k Darling no worries darling …….. An affair Darling , Fine darling ”

    ” What did you say again ?”

  40. 47
    Lemon Optic says:

    A couple of tits looking for publicity.

  41. 48
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Passer-by: “That’s quite a tit”

    Lemsip ToothpicK: “Oi! I resemble that remark!”

  42. 51
    the last quango in paris says:

    I spy a couple of tits

  43. 52
    Willsteed says:

    Do my tits look big in this?

  44. 54
    Lembit the stroke victim says:

    I thought he was still in the jungle letting Shaun Ryder give him one up the ring.

  45. 55
    Steve Miliband says:

    So Lembit, what was it that attracted you to your blond, buxom 21 year old fiance?

  46. 56
    jgm2 says:

    I’d rather have his ring on my finger than his finger in my ring.

  47. 57
    Outlier says:

    What an utter twat! Why doesn’t the media simply ignore this vain, attention-seeking idiot….?

  48. 58
    Lempit Otpik says:

    Exclusive : ” I was kicked out of the Lib Dems for being a hetrosexual man “

  49. 61
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    What I want for Christmas is the invisibility cloak that this constantly attending photographer has (although this appears to be through a window they have been rather closely shadowed).

    I certainly wouldn’t be using the cloak for photographing these two (good luck to them, I know I would given half a chance) there’s work to be done saving the country!

  50. 62

    “You’ve got breasts bigger than Guido’s.”

  51. 64
    Sir William Waad says:

    Lembit’s new job was going well so far.

  52. 65
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Now, where did that locket go to when the chain broke?”

  53. 66
    Rog says:

    Lib Rings Merily We Spy…

  54. 67
    Anonymous says:

    it must be love because he is looking at the ring, personally tru love is looking at the snobbins :)

  55. 71
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    Is this the same ring you bought that Cheeky Girl?

  56. 72
    Steve Miliband says:

    UK Secret Agent caught on film trying to bribe wife of FIFA official.

  57. 72
    Cheeky girl says:

    Opik says: “If I give you this ring will you let me get into your pants”

    Women says: “No thanks I have one arsehole in there all ready”

  58. 74
    Cheeky girl says:

    Opik says: “Are you sure you are not pregnant? I’ve always wanted a blonde with brain-cells”

  59. 76
    jgm2 says:


    officials revised this view of Mr Brown during the financial crisis that followed in the autumn of 2008, when they reported that the then PM was “suddenly riding high”.

    But it was short-lived – by the following April, in the wake of the resignation of aide Damian McBride over a plot to smear T***s, they said it was “unlikely that any Labour politician with his or her eye on the future would want to take on the sinking ship that is the current Labour party at this time of crisis”.

    Brown was ‘riding high’ for the same reason OJ Simpson was ‘riding high’ when he got acquitted. Brown had, with the help of the BBC, changed the narrative from ‘incompetent lunatic destroys UK economy’ to ‘it was all the banker’s fault’. Just as OJ changed the narrative from ‘bang to rights’ to ‘institutionalised police racism’.

    • 92
      6EQUJ5 says:

      This can’t be true as BBC News 24 haven’t reported it….erm.

    • 106
      Ethan says:

      Riding high becuase he was carrying little of substance.

      You can try to hide your inner fuckwit for some time but sooner or later a fuckwit will emerge. I just had no idea that behind McDoom’s inner fuckwit was a even bigger mentalist fuckwit.

      • 124
        Harriet Rugmuncher says:


      • 160
        Hugh Janus says:

        Brutal but remarkably accurate.

        • 384
          Archer Karcher says:

          The BBC need spearing, problem is, boy Dave is either too cowardly, stupid or incompetent to do the deed. They will destroy him in the end, no matter how hard he tries to be their ‘progressive’ pin up boy, so some good may come of it.

  60. 77
    Ethan says:

    Lemsip Opec – amazing how a bloke as (p)ugly as him, does it. Are there REALLY that many blind women in Westmonster? Or has he dug a tunnel into a ‘Womens college for the terminally blind and daft?

  61. 80

    Thank God I didn’t get re-elected – I couldn’t handle all this abstaining lark.

  62. 82
    what a profile says:

    the ring slips on like this, you won’t know I’m wearing it, and my erections will last longer

  63. 83
    Buying her giant muff and comedy tits says:

    He’s paying for her ring. The pikey bike (who has 3 qualifuckations – a quim, an arse-hole, and a mouth, that the deformed fuckpig seeks from ‘women’) is his PA (aka proz).

  64. 84
    jdennis_99 says:

    Of course, she’s with him for his personality. Not the diamond, you hear? And of course, he’s with her for her… “personality”.

  65. 86
    BillyBob - Ooman Rights Legislation, just a load of bollocks!! says:

    Honey, yes I know, my cock ring fits your finger…… is that a problem??

  66. 87
    Lembit Oik says:

    Slipping a finger in my ring makes me smile like that too.

  67. 89
    Proctologist says:

    up to the kuckle

  68. 90
    Siân (not the real one) Lloyd says:

    Three tits and a wedding.

  69. 91
    NotaSheep says:


  70. 95
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Have a butchers at this :

    Its a laugh

  71. 97
    Limpet Opec says:

    I’m fascinated by your Swatch. Are they genuine?

  72. 98

    “I’m hallucinating – all I can see is Chris Huhne and Vince Cable!”

  73. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Well known Irish navvy, Lembit O’Pick, admires his ‘Cheeky Girls’ .

  74. 102
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    L*ckerbie bomber to sue Scotish prison , for failing to look after him .

  75. 103
    Anonymous says:

    Lembit’s fembot tries on ring tat.

  76. 105

    Desperate Lembit had tried
    to order a catalogue bride
    she came with big tits
    and a strap-on that fits
    right up Opik’s backside

  77. 107
    cheesy knob says:

    weather its cheeky or not hes now going for a–shes 21 get me into her.

  78. 108
    Amike says:

    “Difficult to see it properly under the overhang Lemmy, but fits the ring finger just great. Real comfy. A genuine Aussie croc anus, wow!”

  79. 109
    Radio Balls Pond Road says:

    Stop fingering my arse, you’re making me giggle.

  80. 113
    joe 90 is Belgian Commie says:

    Limptwatt starts Wales 2026 World Cup bid by looking for proportional Representation

  81. 114
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Well its a better sight than looking at Labour from across the House “

  82. 115
    Engineer says:

    Not a caption, but I just wonder what the tensile strength of t-shirt material is. It’s elasticity is clearly quite good.

    • 127
      Carl Sagan, astronaut says:

      I’d say the t-shirt has more elasticity than the protuberances it contains.

  83. 117
    Four Eyed English Genius says:

    Big tits all round, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

  84. 123
    bergen says:

    Lembit has imitate and overtake strategy to beat Boris in next mayoral contest.

  85. 126
    • 132
      Gregory Peckory says:

      That’s weird. In this picture she’s being chopped in half by a pane of glass. Shouldn’t someone warn her?

    • 136
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      the woman serving appears to being bashed by an enormous ghostly handbag.

    • 137
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      surely “ghostly handbag” isn’t banned is it?

      Is that because its David Cameron’s recurring nightmare?

    • 159
      shellingout says:

      Heels aren’t quite high enough……

  86. 129
    Airey Belvoir says:

    “I hope you like it – I bought a whole box of them wholesale on expenses, only a few left now.”

  87. 130
    Harriet Rugmuncher says:

    He’s a lop-sided c’unt, but I wonder what Lembit’s sex face looks like.

  88. 131
    Guido Tweet says:

    “Odd article from Sam Coates in @timespolitics accusing me of “using material from Tory Press Officers.” Something he does every day.”

  89. 133
    streamfisher says:

    Lembit fisting half a yard makes bitch laugh.

  90. 134
    Gordon Brown says:

    I cannot see what he sees in her

  91. 139
    Postal Vote says:

    Naturally interested in natural curves …

    Mind you, being women-obsessed is not an impediment to become London Mayor!

  92. 140

    Kidney bean faced would be comedian
    oggles a pair of false tits

  93. 141
    Head ICC Honcho says:

    Very attractive.

  94. 142

    With no chance of ever being elected again as a Lib-Dum
    Limp dick and his child bride consider a legal passage into Labour

  95. 144
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Blonde: ‘ It’s lovely but I’d really like Kate Middleton’s ring.’

    Limpdick: ‘After three months I’ll probably be saying the same thing.’

  96. 145
    BEAN FACE says:

    I must marry this one quick before i become a total nobody !

  97. 147
    Thunders says:

    They did a great job filing off the engraved “Cheeky cheeky”…

  98. 148
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Blonde: ‘ The ring’s lovely! D’ya know what would go well behind my ears with it ?? ‘

    Limpdick: ‘ Your ankles ??’

    • 171
      I, literally, died laughing says:

      You’re on the shortlist of winners, just behind Australia and Belgium.

  99. 151
    jockstrap says:

    ok now can i have look at pussy

  100. 154
    randomly pressing keys says:

    Grey bimbo : So, do you three come here often?

  101. 155
    m m m m m m mr speaker says:

  102. 156
    shellingout says:

    Oh dear. Well the cheeky girl must have been well past her sell by date when he broke off their engagement, so he’s had to get a newer model. Doesn’t say much about her taste in men though, does it.

    • 180

      The cheeky girl Dumped bean face
      not the other way round !

      • 203
        shellingout says:

        OK, but it still doesn’t say much for her taste in men. She obviously kept the ring, otherwise he wouldn’t be in Tiffany’s.

  103. 161
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    Was the ring slippery?

  104. 163
    Jonathan says:

    Why on earth give yet more publicity to this useless has-been? He abused the parliamentary expenses system – don’t forget the alterations to his kitchen and the 42″ plasma television paid for by the public purse, was a waste of space as MP for Montgomeryshire – the electorate there finally got fed up with his “celebrity” life style and threw him out at the General Election. Round the Welsh Marches most of us are sick to death of this loon-faced, self-serving, self-promoting idiot

  105. 164
    Mandy says:

    What on earth does he see in her?

  106. 165
    HARRY CO BEAN says:

    Yer pants are commin down !

    No there not !

    Well fuckin rings going back then !

  107. 167
    MUNG BEAN says:

    If a woz still an MP yer cud av ad one off the £100 tray !

    Lets try Ratners !

  108. 170

    She is saying

    I hope you last longer in my bush than you did in that one !

  109. 174
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Let me get this right Lembit, you’ll buy me this ring if I let you take me from behind?

  110. 176
    Little Boy Blue says:

    Do you like it darling – I get them wholesale.

  111. 177

    Ha ha dates a cheeky girl
    gets involved in their immigration row
    soon as it’s sorted gets dumped
    ever get the feeling you were sought out ?

    i wonder what this one wants ?

  112. 179
    Blond in the photo says:

    If you need some light relief, Lembit, wear this at full volume, babes.

  113. 181
    smoggie says:

    “And one ring to rue the Mall.”

  114. 182

    As a failed MP !
    I still hold some clout !

  115. 184
    Lembit and babe says:

    “Didja say you was a minister in da guvverment?”

    “Of course. I’m minister for…um…the ring cost £20,000.”

    “Oh wicked! Fanks!”

  116. 186
    Sir William Waad says:

    She: “Now, where’s the microscope?”

  117. 189
    • 196
      Bernard Manning says:

      The lad’s coming on good. Pimplet should now concentrate on saying something funny.

      • 239
        LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

        Thank you thank you calm down !

        David Chaytor in the prison showers he looks at the bloke next to him who has a 14″ cock
        Jesus christ mate ! I’d give my right arm for half of that !

        Bloke point’s to the floor and says
        Pass us that soap and you can have all of it !

        • 241
          LIMP DICK TOOTH PICK says:

          thank you thank you
          you’ve been a great audience
          before i go

          Phil woolarse went home from the pub
          he says to his wife
          Our milkman was in the pub shouting out that he had shagged every woman in our street except one !
          his wife say’s yes it’s probably that miseable cow at no32

          boom boom thak you

  118. 190
    Bat out of Hell says:

    The strange and funny appearance of Meat Loaf on This Week talking about being a conservative and a sex god.

  119. 191
    Ludwig says:

    He’s fallen in love, arse over tit!

  120. 192
    Anonymous says:

    do a search on google for:
    lembit opik girlfriend
    then click on images to get thumbnails of his past/present birds in all their various states of undress.

    It’s a veritable wankfest.

    Say what you like about him being a nerdy annoying twat, but he’s a fucking lucky nerdy annoying twat.

  121. 194
    Bat out of Hell says:

    “Lembit’s new squeezable squeeze”.

  122. 200
    smoggie says:

    For any England fans in need of a larf..

  123. 201
    Delbit Trotpeg says:

    A nice cluster of solitaire diamonds
    Lovely Jubbly

  124. 206
    nell says:


    lembit says he has to find a way to earn a living so he’s joining up with gillianmckeith in a roadshow about insect phobias!!

  125. 207
  126. 211
    nell says:

    Well of course these women are only interested in money / jewellery

    just look at 80yearold bernie’s latest!

  127. 213
    Even Have I Got News For You taking piss out of Ed says:

  128. 218
    Busted Nokia says:

    that ring has more carats than her age

  129. 223
    shellingout says:

    Lembit is a serial fiancee.

  130. 225
    Laban says:

    “You have to say that’s magnificent”

  131. 227
    ...... says:

    I love italics.

  132. 236
    Delbit Trotpeg says:

    That ring costs more than than Uni fees

  133. 238

    TIT’s better to have loved and lost
    than never to have loved at all

  134. 240
    The Lumberjack Diet says:

    So, when I pull on this one, your bottom squeaks?

  135. 242
    Dack Blog says:

    A picture of Lembit Opik? A caption would be superfluous.

  136. 244

    Limp Dick Opek
    the only man alive with an arsehole at each end !

  137. 246
    concrete pump says:

    What the fucks with the italics…..?

  138. 247
    Bat out of Hell says:

    It was rather delicious to see piggy surrounded by the press. The look on his face is priceless.

  139. 248
    The wanker on the blog says:

    Respect. I couldn’t keep this up. V funny +1

  140. 249
    Dont panic dont panic there is no fuel shortage says:

    there is now you jurno wankers
    why fucking report it if it isn’t true
    oh i know to start panic buying and cause a new story for your rag

    • 402
      happydays says:

      Hurry up get down to asda they are rapidly selling out of petrol the local sniffers have all been round with their litre bottles filling up

  141. 250
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Let’s sum up the parties with 1 word:

    Labour: Incompetent
    Conservative: Corrupt
    LibDem: Wierd

  142. 251
    The wanker on the blog says:

    Sian said there would be pressure building round my parts.

  143. 252
    nell says:

    lembit is as seriously incompetent at relationships as buzzmilitwit is as seriously incompetent at politics.

    • 261
      A woman spurned says:

      Ooooh! Get her!

      • 270
        nell says:

        A woman spurned eh??!!

        Bit like gordon with the yanks then?? Hmm??!

        • 274
          David "It's too close to call" Cameron says:

          If only he’d have been willing to be a junior partner, who knows how the special relationship would have gone?
          My hero, Tony, taught me that when romancing our American friends, coquettishness really turns them on

          • nell says:

            son of brown, edmilitwit says, “my hero tells me that all I need to do is romance omaha in a kitchen somewhere and the yanks will lurve me”!!

          • David "It's too close to call" Cameron says:

            Luckily, he’s not in power, so who knows what a balls up of EU budget increases, the world cup bid, and junior partner in the special relationship he would make.

          • nell says:

            The world cup bid??

            gordon never understood like to rest of us that it was always going to go to russia.

            Yes cameron had to try and turn the tide with decency, honesty and an excellent bid. And he was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t.

            But even he knew, as we did, that russia had far too much mafia money for bribes, and the dark side of humanity was going to win out this time.

            Honesty and decency were drowned by bribery and corruption.

            There you go!!

          • Francis Maude says:

            David Chaytor!
            What a thieving bastard.

          • nell says:

            DavidChaytor – yeah sure but what about the rest like uddin and moran…………….??

  144. 254
    Ooh errrr matron says:

    darling..slip your finger into my ring…that’s right, all the way over the knuckle…does it fit? What? It’s too slack?

    • 259
      Limpet O'Pecker says:

      No, your thingy is nice and tight but you could’ve had a dump before we came to bed.

  145. 256
    Anonymous says:

    C’mon lembit that ring doesn’t cost anywhere near as much as my bust enhancement did!

  146. 258
    Bat out of Hell says:

    Lembit seems attracted to chavs. My idea of a beautiful woman is the perfect English rose Emily Blunt.

  147. 263
    The last quango in paris says:

    Theres a ghost there!!

  148. 264
    The last quango in paris says:

    Is she u t d ?

  149. 273
    Dick Scratcher says:

    “…and how about a nice pair of drops to go with them darling?”

  150. 277
    Vote for change says:

    300+ lives in Afghanistan a complete waste of space according to our American friends.
    Still think that’s a price worth paying Dave?

  151. 278
    Vote for change says:

    300+ lives in Afghanistan a complete waste of space according to our American friends.
    Still think that’s a pr*ce worth paying Dave?

    • 286
      nell says:

      How many of them died under bliar and brown’s premiership?

      Yes dave’s not clear of guilt either. And we arenlt going to forgive him for not getting our lads out of there as soon as he realised we couldn’t win. Which he surely did as he came into no.10.

      But let’s put blame where blame’s due. Who took us into this war? Who made sure our troops didn’t have kit and equipment to do the job? And who stood back and watched most them die over the few years when he could have done something to have at least made sure they had proper vehicles, kit and and equipment. Brown did! because he wanted to best bliar!!

      Brown and aintbustinagut didn’t give a toss. Bliar felt even less!! They went to bed every night, knowing our lads were dying, and never lost a minute’s sleep. And don’t you ever forget it!!!

      • 287
        Dave "I'm going to get it sorted" Cameron says:

        Goodnight nell, and god bless British troops.

        • 294
          nell says:

          Don’t believe dave’s getting it sorted.

          Don’t believe it’s a war we can win.

          At the same time don’t stop believing in our lads because they are f++++++ marvellous . They are out there under equipped, poor vehicles, not enough medical support and fighting their hearts out. You won’t find better fighting men anywhere!!

          The yanks by comparison have been babied with every sophisticated piece of kit, best vehicles and armaments, much of it purchased from british manufacturers that have been blocked from supplying our own troops.

          Thanks gordon and aintbustinagut for nothing!!

          Dave and liam have still to make their mark!!

        • 295
          Dave "I'm going to get it sorted" Cameron says:

          So when it comes to a choice between supporting the coalition, or sending more young servicemen into the meat grinder of Afghanistan, nell’s preference is blood for expenses, and political cowardice worthy of Gordon Brown.

          • nell says:

            Choice?? You idiot!!

            bliar and gordon haven’t left our soldiers with a choice!!

            There is no immediate way out of the hell labour has locked us into with it’s wars.

            All we can hope for now is that the coalition get our lads out of there sooner rather than later, because even they can’t get money and equipment to them fast enough to ensure that more of them are not going to die. Anybody that understands supply line technology understand that.

            bliarbrown and aintbustingut really do have blood on their hands.

            If cameron and liam don’t act fast to get our lads out of there so will they.

          • John Bercow says:

            The blood on his hands is washed away by the tears he weeps every Wednesday from 12:00 to 12:01.
            Then we get on to the serious business of knockabout politics.

          • nell says:

            That’s gordon then is it bercow? Every night in the chamber from 1200 to 1201??

            That’s why he has cost us more the £2500 in airfares, between scotland and westminster in the last 6 months since he lost power, is it??!!

          • Dave "Firm but fair" Cameron says:

            Don’t fret nell. I’ll get it sorted.

    • 289
      Some Numbnut says:

      Yes, The Americans can be slightly annoying, don’t you think?
      Our boys will come home. Some of them will come home in several pieces.
      Look. We are fighting a war on terror. There are no winners.
      This is war. We have to keep at it. Without this invented conflict, the Western World would collapse. How else would we spend your money if we weren’t at war ?
      Sacrifices have to be made. War is never easy or cheap. We must never thumb our noses at the opportunity forwar. We will fight on until they realise that Britain is not for turning.

      etc. etc .

      E x .

      Fuckin arseholes .

  152. 281
    CCHQ says:


    Hasn’t engineer clocked on yet?

    Stop his benefits immediately.

    • 300
      Mad Dog says:











    • 302
      CCHQ tealady says:

      nell’s doing a double shift. He’s snowed in his shed. Two sugars nell?

      • 316
        nell says:

        He probably is!

        I think he lives in cheshire. That’s where the big snowfalls are supposed to be tonight!

        I however have no intention of doing double shifts for anyone.

        Cosy bed, glass of wine, decent book, just beginning to snow outside and a rabbit thawing ready for me to cook rabbit stew and herby dumplings tomorrow.


        • 323
          War? What war? says:

          As long as your comfortable, fuck those squaddies in danger of missing the weekend’s Conservative trolling.

          • nell says:

            Ah! There you are aintbustinagut and kevan

            Well y’know we middle aged ladies do what we can to raise funds for injured troops and to keep the plight of our under-resourced troops in the field in the public eye with press releases and blog posts.

            Given that your, now failed, government is responsible for putting them there, what are you doing for them??!!

          • dave "junior partner" cameron says:

            Fuck all, nell, if the truth be told.

  153. 282
    Lemsip O'paque says:

    You know darling, I am interested in asteroids, and particularly Uranus.

  154. 288
    A Life in Prayer says:

    “As it is more than 6 months since my last dumping, I assume my ring is ready for re-use.”

  155. 292
    Cassandrina says:

    Seems the ice and snow have quadrupled the entries to this blog concerning two twits and a twat.

  156. 297

    Now watch a real stand up comedian
    play the crowd !

    • 335
      Now watch a real stand up comedian play the crowd ! says:

    • 353
      Barack Omaha says:

      ED BALLS
      Super-bright but charmless
      ‘Super bright, relatively young, Ed Balls … has performed badly as schools secretary and is accused of shirking responsibility for the failings of his department … Critics point out that since coming out from the shadows and entering the public arena, Balls has shown himself to be less than suited to the top job: his public speaking is derided as “dull”, his slightly awkward manner as “charmless”, and he has many enemies within the party, precisely because of his relationship with the PM. Party insiders accuse him of cowardice because he tells Brown what he thinks Brown wants to hear.’

  157. 299
    Greg Beales says:

    Quote of the Day

    Guido Fawkes

    “Dr Vince Cable has performed so many U-turns over the issue of university funding that he is spinning on his heels.

    “That might stand him in good stead with the Strictly Come Dancing judges but the electorate will see it differently.”

    • 301
      nell says:

      Never mind vince. How much have those faux middle class bored meeja uni/13 year old aspiring students of makeup and beauty cost the taxpayer in trashed premises and police time.

      It must amount to £millions.

      Are they worth it??!!

      • 304
        CCHQ tealady says:

        nell your tea’s getting cold. I made some turnip biscuits.

        • 314
          nell says:

          Tealadies were retired when shriekyshriti and gordon finally left no.10.

          There was finally no-one left to scream abuse at them.

          Go home, put your feet up and enjoy some peace and quiet!

          As for turnips, try roasted parsnips. Same family but much sweeter. Really good with a sunday roast!!

        • 315
          Number 8 says:

          Sorry to hear about your predecessor losing his job because William Hague kept rogering his leg and arse everytime he bent down over to put the kettle on.

  158. 303
    Guido's spad says:

    ” Going for Bust”

  159. 309

    And after a whirlwind romance limp dick utters those four little words

    Yer Not Are Ye ?

  160. 310
    CCHQ tealady says:

    Girl (adjusts beer goggles to ‘level 12x Bacardi Breezers’ as unzips gargoyle’s fly): “Lembit – you didn’t wash all those maggots off.”

  161. 317

    anyone logged on near a telly just stick sky news on after the add’s is one of our scum class tarts phoning 999 to report that someone has stolen her snowman !
    i heared it earlier it is fuckin unreal !

  162. 318
    nell says:

    Never mind stolen snowmen!

    One last thought for tonight. I hope someone is looking after wikileaks assange. He sure deserves it!! Free speech is everything!!

  163. 322
    Lemsip Oak Pick says:

    Yebbut think how disappointed he’ll be when he finds out she hasn’t got a cock.

    • 329
      nell says:

      I think more importantly it will be how disappointed she is when she finds out he has no income and no power and he’s hoping to make a few bob as a stand up comic!!

      I suspect she’ll have less staying power than a snowflake in a heatwave!!!

  164. 324
    Beeb Watch says:

    No Tits Fiona Bruce just followed the Chaytor humiliation interview with Iain Watson with rumour of Cable’s Vote FOR Tuition Fees, no pause and change of subject as usual just straight juxstaposition.

    Al-beeba, ZanuLiebour’s broadcasting arm!!


    • 325
      Pay up, and play the game says:

      WTF are you doing watching it, and am i right in surmising you paid £142:50 for the privilege?

  165. 327
    Phil Woolas says:

    I will be backing Afzal Khan as the Labour candidate for the Oldham East and Saddleworth by-election

    • 377

      So, Phil – you think that the solution to segregation and the marginalisation of the English population is to choose a Parki as a candidate on the basis of what?

      Postal votes?

      Fuck off you Huhne, and remember that I know you’re a police grass.

  166. 331
  167. 332
  168. 333
    Trannie Watch says:

    Just heard Droney droming on NewsNight; seems the financial frauder trannie reckons that he worked on the shopfloor at Jaguar Landrover, when pressing Irwin Steltzer on worker exploitation!!

    Feck off Crack-a-Jack, never done an honest day in your life!!

    • 378

      The c’unt has been totally employed by the Supreme Soviet since before Grunwick, at which time he had already dropped his former friends – if he went on the shop floor these days they’d give the twat a mop and bucket cause he’s fuck all use for anything else.

  169. 334
  170. 336
    From The Labour Party School of Ethics says:

    A lawyer jailed for conning millions from a bank to help a friend’s airline has been asked to repay more than £2m. Kate Johns, the former deputy head of Tokyo Mitsubishi’s legal section, asked colleagues to approve letters of credit for Indonesian carrier Air Efata. The offences, which took place in 2006, cost the bank about £7.7m. Air Efata shut down and its boss killed himself. Southwark Crown Court asked Mrs Johns, 40, of Gloucester Avenue, Camden Town, north London, to pay within six months. Her personal assets which could be recovered by the authorities were thought to be worth £2.1m. This included her share of the family home, about £100,000 worth of jewellery and a credit card with more than £10,000 credit. If Mrs Johns fails to settle the amount she faces a 10-year jail term.

  171. 338
    remember says:

    It reminds me of my other famous girlfriends song entitled touch my ring. I liked that.

  172. 339
    annnnonyperson says:

    “Ummm…. remind me, my dear: Which Cheeky Girl are you, again?”

  173. 342
    memories of propermoney says:

    You don’t buy many of them for a euro.

  174. 344
    taffy says:

    My parents always said it is better to be born lucky than good looking.
    I am taking her back to whales when i stand again as an Mp they are proud of their mountains in whales.

  175. 345
    Five Go Mad On Billy's Cock ! says:

    Not long till kick off. 1 for 0 sounds good to me. Bring The Squatters on, I say!

  176. 346
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Right , Message to trolls ( Left and right ) , I aint a tory lover or a labour lover or a lib dem lover , In fact they all scum . Our politcs is one big fuckin game for them , Its as corupt as Fifa .

    the only main protest we have is voting for the lesser of 2 evils .

    I am fucking sick of the tit-tat between all sides , Why not put country first ?

    The only people that suffer are taxpayers .

    Maybe Guido Fawkes had the right fuckin idea , You have abused the taxpayer enough 1

  177. 348
    Robbie says:

    Lembit gets set for his favourite bush f*ck her trial.

  178. 356
    honest lembit says:

    Hasn’t life turned to shit.
    A few years ago i could have put that down on my parliamentary expenses.

  179. 357
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Right , I got problem from Wiki about voilitre

    ” “I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.”[

    But says it aint him but in the spirit of him , Can anyone post a link to the truth ?

    • 359
      the clap says:

      Lol ! Err….no. Strauss fancied watching the match from the pavillion, it seems?

    • 360
      wiseman says:

      click the link on this website
      they will explain the meaning of truth

    • 380

      Twas Evelyn Beatrice Hall in her biography of Voltaire – he never said it in those words, but it’s an essential element of the Social Contract.

      It doesn’t apply to the Balding Nobheads Party or anyone else who questions the approved line though….

  180. 361
    Billy is Holding the batsman's Willey says:

    Na night Billy. Na night lesser posters. R2 fucked. Can’t be bothered. See you in the future.

  181. 362
    healthyman says:

    I am following government advice eating 2 melons counts as part of your 5 a day fruits.

  182. 363
    Breaking News says:

    Apparently some teenagers have been arrested for an arson attack on a newly built mosque in Stoke On Trent. And people keep saying teenagers don’t do anything useful.

    • 366
      sammishakabartsimpson says:

      I’ve got a solicitor for them they had nothing to do they were only rsing about waiting for the student riots next week.

  183. 367
    Phil is out on his Woolarse says:

    There’s a lefty presenter on Talksport right now, Matt Forde, asking for calls about David Chaytor. Forde used to work for Labour and he’s actually defending Chaytor! Co-conspirators should call in and give the Labour twat an earful!

    • 376

      To be fair to Forde, he’s not that bad for a broadcaster – too right wing for the BBC but still out of touch with the real world.

      Mike Graham – there was a proper libertarian on the airwaves, but he’s now clowning about in the mornings with that fool Parry who used to ‘write’ for the Excess.

      I’d do the show just for expenses if I’m allowed to rip the heads off the leftie callers…

  184. 369

    If she was my daughter
    i’d still be bathing her !

  185. 370
    • 375
      albacore says:

      Oh, where have you been
      Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
      Oh, where have you been
      Charming Billy?
      If this is news to you
      You’ve been sniffing too much glue
      It’s a done thing
      And Fawkes would have no other

  186. 371
    Blunt says:

    Fuck me I’d shag her tits

  187. 373
    Ms Opik says:

    Lembit is campaigning for Britain to allow one to marry their pet. He wants to be the first and marry this moose

  188. 374

    One ring to ruin them all, One ring to lie to them –
    One ring to support a war and in the darkness blind them.

    Limpdick Nobrain is our very own Gollum, except he’s too precioussssss for his own sake.

  189. 381
    John says:

    Presumably Opik was the one left in the bar when all the “WAG target” footballers had left for the clubs.

    “Come over here my dear, milky, milky…”

  190. 382
    Anonymous says:

    Lib Dem Mike ‘Handy’ Hancock’s researcher is a Russian spook claim the Sun…

  191. 383
    Johan says:

    Lib Dem Mike ‘Handy’ Hancock’s researcher is a Russian spook claim the Sun…

  192. 389
    Soho blighter says:

    There is no way dem melons are real…

  193. 390
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Saturday 7-up thread

  194. 392

    No caption needed! I think the I’m a Celeb, Get Me Out of Here drum sequence would be perfect for this image… dum dum da da dum da dum dum dum…!

  195. 395
    Cynic says:

    built for comfort not for speed

  196. 396
    Dave Spartacus says:

    So, Mr Lemsip, What first attracted you to your large-breasted blonde fiancee.. ?

  197. 397
    gildedtumbril says:

    Looks like a pair of inflatables to me.

  198. 398
    Anonymous says:

    “I do so like it when a girl slips a finger into my ring……”

  199. 399
    Ken Humphreys says:

    And now I would like to check two other sizes.

  200. 400
    Jethro says:

    “With thid thing, I tnee bed.£

  201. 403
    lembitblunkett says:

    I dont care if i do go blind

  202. 404
    Anonymous says:

    3 tits spotted in shop

  203. 405
    Rick says:

    At last you put a ring on my finger instead of my finger in your ring.

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NUT’s Loony Defence of Status Quo | Jago Pearson
A Dozen Reasons to Be Cheerful | John McTernan
Political Bloggers Are Equal Opportunities Attackers | ConHome
Michael Gove Should Resign | Conservative Women
Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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