November 30th, 2010

Where’s Billy?™ : Rifkind Revisited

Hillary Clinton said in her presser yesterday that “a counterpart” told her “well, don’t worry about it, you should hear what we say about you…” An interesting line, clearly from a native English speaker in its idiomatic use of “well” and “don’t worry about it”, which is bordering on slang. No one with English as a second language, however fluent, would ever come up with a line like that. Add a barbed sense of humour and the fingers are pointing at William Hague.

Talking of Hague, Guido isn’t the only one to have noticed that in the past few days former Foreign Secretary Malcolm Rifkind has been put on Sky News, BBC News, BBC Radio 2, 4, 5 and Channel Four speaking about Wikileaks and other foreign policy issues. It’s almost as if the current Foreign Secretary has been sidelined and a new spokesman found. Guido can’t think why Hague might not want to hit the airwaves to discuss why the Americans were featuring his personal life in their intelligence dossiers. Rifkind seems well on top of the brief still and would be high up the list of likely candidates for the job, were a vacancy to arise…

UPDATE: Paul Waugh questions why Hague isn’t representing the UK on the international stage in Kazakhstan tomorrow.


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Maybe his wife has problems ?

  2. 2
    I used to vote Conservative but then Dave took over says:

    “Guido can’t think why Hague might not want to hit the airwaves to discuss why the Americans were using his personal life in their intelligence dossiers.”

    Because Hague’s probably a kweer?

  3. 3
    jgm2 says:

    Probably in the ST*n making a hush-hush visit to the troops.

    Section D.

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    PS , Bill Cash for forign Sec ! that would make things intresting .

  5. 5
    Dazza says:

    Big Willy? A poof? Never.

  6. 6
    I used to vote Conservative but then Dave took over says:

    Shouldn’t we have a foreigner as our foreign secretary?

  7. 7

    I reckon the CIA have got pictures of Hague hanging out the back of a chloroformed homnast…

  8. 8
    Popeye says:

    Hague is a potential threat to the “Eton Mafia”! Not one of us you know!

  9. 9
    Eckky-Thump says:

    EEE by gum , lad. As we say in Yorkyshire.

  10. 10
    barefootcontessa says:

    Rifkind? He of the strangulated posh Edinburgh/ English accent?

  11. 11
    Johnny says says:

    You’re assuming the counterpart told her that in English. All it would need is a translator who is a native English speaker to get the language right.

  12. 12
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Maybe he is at Mossad HQ for briefing ?

  13. 13
    MARK OATEN (Shit Breath to my friends) says:

    Why does Vince Cable always look like he is snorting shit ?

  14. 14
    The CIA says:

    Yup. We can get them done as t-shirts, if you want one. $4.99 ea.

  15. 15
    Lord Haw Haw says:

    Not a great image at tea time but I get your point.

  16. 16
    Three's a crowd says:

    I didn’t know Ian had a brother
    but when asked where William Hague was
    Tory party HQ said
    “He’s up the Dales”

  17. 17
    Sherlock Holmes says:

    Or he’s in a shared hotel room rogering another kweer.

  18. 18
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Well its one of the 2

  19. 19

    Yes !
    Give it to keith Vaz

  20. 20
    Donkeyscrump says:

    “Well, don’t worry about it,you should hear what we have to say about you cu*ts”

    Definitely British,possibly southern England.Not so sure it is William Hague.
    Boris Johnson more like.

  21. 21
    I used to vote Conservative but then Dave took over says:

    Well let’s not go nuts.

    I was thinking more of a leather-clad Angelina Jolie.

  22. 22
    nell says:

    Well it might be a little more complex than that.

    William has proved that he is capable of earning large sums of money outside of parliament. He didn’t exactly join the current govt , or become foreign secretary, with huge enthusiasm. His wife certainly doesn’t hold any interest in politics.

    It could be that william himself, is in the throes of deciding to give up politics and go off and earn better money elsewhere without the constant controversies and press intrusion.

    malcolmrifkind for foreignsecretary hmmm?? Well I guess he’s better than davemilitwit, who was a complete deadloss.

  23. 23
    I used to vote Conservative but then Dave took over says:

    It could be both.. hotel room in Tel Aviv.

  24. 24
    Eileen Critchley says:

    Oh! what a tangled web we weave.

  25. 25
    So what? says:

    This relentless campaign against Hague is bordering on the obsessive. So what if he’s g a y? Oh but let’s protect and defend pee do catholic priests who nonce children. The last thing we want is consenting adults having g a y sex.

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    The last thing on earth the Party needs is Rifkind back in the FO with Europe on the boil.Disaster!

  27. 27
    Billy 'backstairs' Hague says:

    His job is fucked lol!

  28. 28
    David Miliband says:

    I opened a new branch of Aldi in South Shields this morning.

  29. 29
    US spooks says:

    Cameron is a dead loss.

  30. 30
    Sir William Waad says:

    Perhaps Mr Hague has become locked in a cupboard at home and nobody can find a way to get him out of the closet.

  31. 31
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ok Guido , Lets just say he is batting for the home team and having a affair , Better than fiddling expenses , He is fuckin someone else not the taxpayer .Not the first MP and wont be the last , I aint got nothing against shit stabbers what 2 consenting adults do in private is there own buisness .

  32. 32

    The innuendo is amusing. You have a point about the c*tholic priests though…

  33. 33
    Fed-up taxpayer says:

    Because he was doing it at our expense.

  34. 34
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Its not a particularly good point either.

    A non-native speaker of english could easily have picked up a few odd expressions in English if they’ve actually spent time (esp as students etc.) in a country. Or perhaps off TV if they’ve watched a lot of subtitled stuff.

  35. 35
    I used to vote Conservative but then Dave took over says:

    No, the last thing the party needs is a pro-EU liar in charge of it, handing over tens of billions of our borrowed money at a time when we’re br*oke.

    That would be the last thing the party – and Britain – needs.

  36. 36
    I used to vote Conservative but then Dave took over says:

    Or he’s locked in a sports bag, in a bath.

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Rifkind definitely has the gravitas and wide understanding to take on the job, I’m sure he’d be an asset especially with Jonny Foreigner kicking off in SE Asia, the middle east and South America.

    But the EU is the problem, he’d fit into too well at the FO and pursue the line that they’re there to look after foreigners.

  38. 38
    William says:

    ** Cough **

    Its a walk in wardrobe I’ll have you know.

  39. 39
    Chris uncut Bryant says:

    There he goes again, the Pikey is once more obsessing about homos, to the point of juvenile innuendo.

    They have homos in Pikeyland dont they? or do they spend all day begging instead of buggering?

    I wonder if juvenile sexual innuendo that was the fare of the day when this blog first started.

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Hague has not been in the country. H.M. the Queen has been on state visits in the Gulf where Hague had to be in attendance. That is why he has not been on the airways.

  41. 41
    So what? says:

    Didn’t he settle the hotel bill himself?

  42. 42
    Lord Sidewinder says:

    Pass the chutney…

  43. 43
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    this true ? Guido ?????

  44. 44
    McDoomed says:

    When the gunman took 24 kids hostage in a school in Wisconsin yesterday, I was sure it would turn out that Brown had visited the school last year. All the students were released unharmed and the gunman shot himself and is now in hospital. Obviously Brown never visited the school.

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    He can stay there!

  46. 46
    albacore says:

    Using a word like “counterpart”, she’s more likely been listening to too much C3PO.

  47. 47

    Brown is building a house out of copies of his new book. I say a house, more like a block of flats.

  48. 48
    Billy bum bot hague says:

    I’ll use th’ tradesmans entrance

  49. 49
    Kevin Maguire says:

    Beyond The Crash is a masterpiece.

  50. 50
    I hate New Labour says:

    What’s the betting the terrorist alert is raised this week?

    Just, y’know, to distract the horde…

  51. 51
    GORDON McBUST says:

    I built a house out of pooh last year !
    But Sarah found it and wouldn’t let me eat my lunch
    untill i had washed my hands !

  52. 52
    nell says:

    Of course if william does step down, dave could be brave and give the FCO to daviddavis. Trouble is, I think he’d have his foot in his mouth more often than not.

    Oh bring back douglashurd, he was the best foreign secretary we ever had!!

  53. 53
    Hi there from here says:

    Concrete Pump

  54. 54

    Wikileaks has been a release of the blindingly obvious.
    African’s are a bit corrupt? Who’d a thought it.
    Chinese think north Korea is a rouge!
    Israel not keen on Iran…

    If the wiki bloke hasn’t got some decent dirt on Wagner Fiuza-Carrilho or the Beckham affairs or ‘Dubya’ shooting an aide and burying him under the lawns of the Whitehouse he should just shut his hole.

    I’ve seen better ‘breaking news’ in the Daily Express. And when you think how unlikely that is, it shows what a snoozefest wikileaks has been.

  55. 55
    Dick the Prick says:

    Fair enough but if you could just stay on topic for a moment!

  56. 56
    Billy Vague says:

    Hotel Bill?

    I thought his name was Seb.

  57. 57
    Dick the Prick says:

    Genuinely never heard the term ‘homnast’ – ah, quality!

  58. 58
    Chris Myers says:

    Yes sir, I can booooooooooooooogie, I can boooooooogie all night looooooooooong.

  59. 59
    nell says:

    Actually it is. Hague has been abroad with Her Maj. But I don’t know exactly when the tour finished or finishes.

    I did read it had been a huge success. But then she hasn’t had a deadweight round her neck like gordon or davemilitwit has she??!!

  60. 60
    Chilean Miner says:

    It’s not gay if you do it underground

  61. 61
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    So this story is bollocks then ?

  62. 62
    Eh says:

    Think your link’s a bit messed up Guido

  63. 63
    GORDON McBUST says:

    Looks like after all this shit with these scruffy bastard students
    that call me dave will be defeated when it goes before the house !
    promise everything
    deliver nothing
    labour will vote against it
    most lib dumbs will vote against it
    some tories will vote against it
    it’s not what is right for the country
    it is how can i hang on to my seat
    and keep fleecing the taxpayer for at least another four years
    dirty scruffy students and labour scum WIN !
    Dave (no balls) Cameron LOSE

  64. 64

    Why is Vince Cable voting against himself?
    I fear he may have a bit of dementia, the poor old soul.
    I think he has confused ‘being progressive’ with ‘being a Dick.’

    Is it time he joined Gordon in the ‘special’ cabinet?
    If we all chipped in I think we could him into that same house where the furniture is all bolted to the floor. They could do PMQs together.

  65. 65
    ichabod says:

    Mr Hague must have spilt Guido’s pint in the Red Lion in Westminster sometime in the past, just as Mcbride did.

  66. 66

    Masterpiss, surely?

  67. 67
    Twat Watch says:

    Yes the last thing we want is someone intelligent, articulate and witty to represent the UK. Someone more Media friendly perhaps. Margaret Beckett?

  68. 68
    Gordon Brown MP says:

    Dear Gentlemen and err Ladies

    I would like to take this moment to err I think the word was ‘offer’ yes offer you the chance to pre-order purchase my new book;

    ‘Beyond the Crash: Overcoming the First Crisis of Globalisation By Gordon Brown’

    For the reasonable price of £10.60 that is a saving of £9.40 (47%) just in time for Christmas, so you may understand that I was the right man for the job, continue to be the right man for the job and have presented my vision on why you and the world should agree so too.

    Thank You

    Gordon Brown

  69. 69
    Deep Who says:

    Said the QUEER

  70. 70
    David Miliband says:

    Yesterday, I opened a jar of marmalade.

  71. 71
    Deep Who says:

    Funny as fuck. You should be on telly. Beheading on Al Jazeera preferably

  72. 72
    nell says:


    Looks as if they might all have flown home yesterday – except there were flight delays because of weather so perhaps they got in this morning.

    Maybe that’s why rifkind is standing in.

    Then again, maybe not!!

  73. 73
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Guido , I think you might want to update your ” Story” .

  74. 74
    Sir William Waad says:

    La Corée du Nord, un État rouge? Mais évidemment….

  75. 75
    Doggie In The Window says:


  76. 76
    Deep Who says:

    Did you used to have a brain but it got piss-addled and rotted away?

  77. 77
    nell says:

    Are you talking about those poor little dears, 13 years old and upwards who went to london this morning for a student demo, and got lost?

    I felt really sorry for them. They ended up in cold straggled little lumps in all different parts of london, waving soggy posters and looking awfully sad. Didn’t know anything about the real student proposals, but then what d’ya expect of 13 year olds. nus was really dragging the barrel wasn’t it??!!

    Where was aaron porter, I thought he was supposed to be showing how the nus is superior at organisting good demos.

    Bet he was hiding in the beeb news studio in the warm.

  78. 78
    Crikey says:

    According to wikileaks Broon tried to do a deal with the Americans on the McKinnon case. It wasn’t successful of course and his extradition is still being sought. Did McKinnon’s advisers not know better than to enlist Gordon’s help? The kiss of death.

  79. 79
    Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my disk? says:

    If only there was some commercially available software you could deploy to prevent use of removable media…

    Oh wait, there is.

    I guess they just weren’t bothered enough about their security to use it.

  80. 80

    He was seen entering Downing Street yesterday morning.

  81. 81
    LOL Not even out yet and it's dropped almost half price already! says:

    Beyond the Crash: Overcoming the First Crisis of Globalisation

    RRP: £20.00
    Price: £10.60 & this item Delivered FREE in the UK with Super Saver Delivery. See details and conditions
    You Save: £9.40 (47%)
    Pre-order Price Guarantee

  82. 82
    Blimey says:

    He wants to keep safe ready for his time as a labour MP. Meanwhile he urges on the useful idiots to help bring down the coalition.

  83. 83
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    So if he has been away with the royals for a few weeks or week , Maybe he is having a day off ? To say he has been sidelined is a bit off a stretch ?

  84. 84
    AC1 says:

    and his daughter didn’t die of BSE.

  85. 85
    AC1 says:

    Hague, Narnia is asking you to collect the skeletons.

  86. 86
    Dack Blog says:

    Interesting tho’, eh.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Yup, a thinking man’s Michael Gove.

  88. 88
    Dack Blog says:

    I doubt the 13 year olds are in the NUS nell. Speaking as one who thinks we should halve degree places and fund them properly, I am at least heartened that some of the students I teach are talking ‘politics’. Anyway, many of the younger students are talking about the shorter term loss of the EMA rather than degree funding.

  89. 89
    Dack Blog says:

    Jeez modded for what?

  90. 90
    GEOFF HOON 07796938196 says:

    beheading who exactly ?

  91. 91
    Anonymous says:

    as a rent boy and saving on hotel bills

  92. 92
    Broon the Loon says:

    My next book will be The Loony Bin Trip part two. How I saved the Universe from Economic crisis and Global warming and other delusions used to tax people.

  93. 93
    Ego Warrior says:

    he’s dot a dold in ‘is dose – dese peeple don’t undertand – he stil get’s paid though

  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    How did he make his money?

  95. 95
    sprogging for benefits says:

    I think our Billy has had enough and they will pick his time to leave.
    He is Ok as a constituency MP, cant comment on the rest

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    May be, he is trying to have a baby with his wife.

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:

    I think if your name is Ffion Hague then I think the last thing you want is your husband having consensual gay sex.

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    Fuck ‘em. If they’re not prepared to put a penny towards their future then why the fuck should I !

  99. 99
    I say! says:

    Do you mean we need someone with “bottom”?

  100. 100
    Lord Haw Haw says:

    Maggy Beckett never went abroad as she preferred caravanning in North Yorkshire were as Billy Harg prefers a cottage.

  101. 101
    AnotherAnon. says:

    William Hague has been located,he’s in Tripoli.

    Looks like we now have two William Hagues on the pay,wonder if it’s just the job they are sharing?

  102. 102
    Frank Randle says:

    For those who live below the River Don “beheading” is an ancient Yorkshire dialect word for “fellatio”.


    “Thou must be a reet kweer bogger forever b’heading nancy-boys in Lundun when thee cud be at ‘ome tupping thy missis! If yo’ don’t fancy ‘er can I ‘ave a bit of what she’s sitting on Serry?”

  103. 103
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    many great memories of the mighty river Don
    used to fish it at Sprotborough just above the weir

  104. 104
    Saltpetre says:

    BoJo ain’t no Homo!!

  105. 105
    Biggus Dickus says:

    for de-briefing

  106. 106
    Backbench Gardner-Biter says:

    Mr. Billy ‘no mates’ Hague, our Rt. Flaccid Foreign Member, is currently closeted in top-secret ‘backdoor’ negotiations with a team of Iranians in the Holy city of Kweerpumba, which requires all his skill and ingenuity, as finding a way to accommodate their considerably glowing ‘wheapons’ after several tumblers of claret can be the Devil’s own business, but still, apart from suffering initial interference fits, he is reportedly handling himself with all the skill of a consummate spam-juggler and has suitably impressed his hosts with an ability to phonetically quote the Prophet (pbuh) “It is more blessed to receive than to give” in Persian with his mouth full.

    Naturally, the Yanks have ordered him out to work on this critical intelligence-gathering mission to coyly burgle the DNA-databank of all the top Mullahs, so the still-steaming samples can later be retrieved from the slapptop succubus and shared with Hilary ‘cock-block’ Clintox for yet another battery of Blue-Dress spritz tests.

    Another perfect British wheeze,
    busting a gut for the Master Race,
    jizz fresh crust on his tarded face,
    Billy did his country some serveeze.
    Butt ours is not to question why,
    ours is butt to pay, and die.

    for further details –

  107. 107
    Common Sense says:

    Ever heard of Canada, Australia, Ireland or New Zealand? They are English speaking countries as well.

  108. 108
    Backbench Gardner-Biter says:

    pardon, Gentle Subjects, the above inadvertent Poetry Malfunction: this corrected version has just been forwarded from the US Embassy, via WikiLeaks …

    Another perfect British wheeze,
    busting a gut for the Master Race,
    love’s fresh crust on retarded face,
    Bill did a country some serveeze.
    Butt ours is not to question which,
    just guzzle cawk and shuttup, bitch!

  109. 109
    JamesII says:

    Be vague – ask for Hague

  110. 110
    Mad Jock McGinty says:

    A turd baby?

  111. 111
    Yer Sniper says:

    Because everything Hilly says is true. Like that time she bravely ran from that plane in Bosnia…

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Well you know what the political elite in the US of A think of them, still by statistics the must be quite a few closet gays in the there Americaland.

  113. 113
    Anonymous says:

    Eh lad tha mun want to get thi teeth fixed wi gums like that

  114. 114
    Taxfodder says:

    Most political parties seem to have a residual scum that stubbornly rims the side of their feeding trough. Funny how Ma Cameron despite all his “cleaning up Parliament bollocks” can’t find enough elbow grease to get the job done.

    Must be the limp wrists….

  115. 115
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    It looks like the ones you have to watch out for a Republicans with a record of voting against gay rights legislation

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    Ah cum fra Yorkshire lad an ar’s not eard that one, you learn sumat every day

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    How do you know?

  118. 118
    google says:

    Hilary saying: “I’m going to kill you MF, and get your money”

    Never like her… what a face!!!!

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