November 28th, 2010

Coulson Unhappy with the Happiness Index

The Mail’s Black Dog reports:

The Prime Minister’s spin doctor Andy Coulson has banned No. 10 staff from
referring to Dave’s laughable ‘Happiness Index’. Essex boy Coulson thinks the initiative, dreamed up by Cameron’s ‘branding’ guru Steve Hilton, is ‘airy fairy b*******’. He insists it keeps its dreary official ‘general wellbeing’ tag – in the hope that it is forgotten as quickly as most of Tory hippy Hilton’s other gimmicks.

Guido is still waiting for the first fearless broadsheet political editor to detail to his readers, in a lengthy article, the SHAC Attacks. Currently they are just meekly gossiping about them in Westminster bars…


  1. 1
    Lord Bumwatch of Bumbledon says:

    Join the party and get a free tickling stick?

    • 20
      Billy Bowden gets on my tits says:

      Hilton is clown shoes.

    • 93
      It just gets worser and worser says:

      FFS I am pissed off with this.

      Why can’t Dave just be his own man?

      Sack Hilton, sack Coulson and just run the F ing country dave.

    • 96
      Tony Blair says:

      That’s my boy.

      Two spin doctors are better than one.

      • 101
        barefootcontessa says:

        Dave’s ‘happiness’ index is as bad as Ed’s ‘squeezed middle’. What next from our political spin doctors? They have to earn their money somehow I suppose, and Coulson could be worse, he could be Ali Campbell! Ed and his squeezed middle featured here

        • 136
          Ken Dodds Dads Dogs Dead says:

          Anyone remember Labour doing this sort of crap when they got in. I remember Prezza was defending labours counting of birdsong by being on the news telling us how birdsong was important to us all.

          This was about the same time they were selling all the fucking gold at rock bottom prices.

          Priorties eh?

          • Unhappy with happiness index says:

            I haven’t been impressed with Coulson’s abilities-him and his team just haven’t been effective at getting the message across, despite polls showing millions of people agree with many of the policies.
            But on this point he is correct- this Happiness Index is a complete load of wank that no sane person takes seriously. For Christ’s sake stop insulting the electorate’s intelligence and start concentrating on the real issues.

        • 326
          Cod Reggae fan says:

          If Coulson was Ali Campbell, do you think he’d have left UB40?

    • 194
      • 237
        Paddy says:

        Hmmm…. *strokes chin thoughtfully*

      • 253
        Mr Ned says:

        BankFail != EndOfWorld;

        The truth is our economy would have performed much better had we allowed the banks to fail.

        Now whose idea was it to steal trillions of dollars worth of taxpayer’s money globally to bail out billionaires?

        The corporate elite conspired with governments to steal our money.

        Those fuckers at the top have not lots a penny since 2008. The top bankers have all made millions out of their orchestrated crash.

        • 286
          Archer Karcher says:

          Absolutely correct, the whole bail out fiasco, was an orchestrated hit job on taxpayers worldwide. The biggest theft in world history, facilitated by the political class, on behalf of, their corporate masters.

          • Ireland says:

            What’s up, Fawker? People are running all over your blog telling the truth about the kleptomaniac, psycho scum Tribe, behind the raping of Ireland and the West’s taxpayers and the Wikileaks psyop, and not a peep from Plastic Paddy? Has Mos sad revoked your licence to Lie? ‘Cos you’re just too shit and transparent?

      • 315
        Anonymous says:

        Bank bailouts are part of the NWO global governance coup d’etate. Everyone, at least within “the west”, will be “contagated” and fail simultaneously, requiring global solutions. Simples, innit ?

  2. 2
  3. 3
    limpdick-obit says:

    I’m glad I’m out of the Jungle in time for Wikileak.

    • 66
      The Sheikh Of Araby says:

      Wikileaks: “Cameron is a fucking spineless lying fucking shiny-headed piece of Fabianist shit with a bunch of fucking nannying big state social democrat control freaks as hiis Cabinet. You’ll get on fine, Barack”.

      • 95
        Mike Litorus says:

        whole of UK: “Cameron is a fucking spineless lying fucking shiny-headed piece of Fabianist shit with a bunch of fucking nannying big state social democrat control freaks as hiis Cabinet.”

  4. 4
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Hippy Hilton is a Hoon.

    • 42
      Hilson says:

      C U N T Y Couslon is as bad.

      What has HE got to hide?

      Why do parties think they need a PR C U N T in the first place?

      Have they got something to hide?

  5. 5
    Hard-Lazing Voter says:

    He has a point. Why is that Hunt Hilton allowed anywhere near Tory policy? I swear he’s a Green Party operative.

    • 8
      Tessa Tickles says:

      I’m fairly sure David Camoron is a Green Party operative.

      • 44
        everyone who gives a shit says:

        I’m fairly sure none of them are being honest with anyone.

        EU anyone? What’s with the ‘silence’ about being bank r u pt ed in to buggery by the political masters in the EU?

        You make me want to shoot the fucking lot of you.

      • 211
        AC1 says:

        I’m sure DC is a member of Common Purpose.

        • 255
          Mr Ned says:

          Well he supports their leftwing co-conspirators DEMOS. So I would not be surprised to discover some linkage between Cameron and Common Purpose.

  6. 7
    Ancy Coulson says:

    I just dropped my pint of lager on the floor and now everybody is looking at me funny.

    Oh great, now here comes the librarian……

    • 55
      R Incewind says:

      Watch out for the banana. Red Ed’s dangerous when he’s armed.

      • 62
        just askin like says:

        A banana? Am sure Dave M got comfort from it somewhere, am more concerned that Dave C is becoming as much a coward as any Militwat could ever dream of.

        Come on Dave, how much more of our cash are you prepared to spunk away to the EU bank r u p t fund?

        You utter c u n t.

        • 208
          Mr Ned says:

          Who fucking cares? Seriously They could come and ask for another 50 Billion from us for Spain and Portugal and nothing would happen.

          People will winge and moan and bitch about it, but nobody will actually do anything about it.

          When the solution to this shit is so fucking simple. It is crazy!!!

  7. 9
    John James Cowperthwaite Super Model says:

    How about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?

    • 18
      Sarf of the River says:

      All the bastards in No 10, or politics generally, ever think about is self actualisation. It’s a shame they don’t realise they will never achieve this or anything close to it.

      They live in a dream world. They want to control our lives and remove, bit by bit, the option we have to control our own.

      Screw them.

    • 116
      The old methods work best says:


    • 213
      AC1 says:

      Well shelter is pretty high on the list and they’re doing all they can to make it as unaffordable as possible.

  8. 10
    Beast 666 says:

    I gave you Simon Cowell and X Factor. Why the long faces?

  9. 11
    Grumpy Bercow says:

    I am not Happy!

  10. 13
    electro-kevin says:

    Happiness index.

    Well, as you can tell, I’m fucking ecstatic !

  11. 15
    LibLabCon go to hell says:

    Couldn’t give a shit what the loser Coulson thinks. He’s about as relevant as Campbell was, or at least thinks he was.

    Why do you give any of these shits the oxygen of publicity?

    Ignore them and they might go away, or at least they might think again.

    Fuck them!

  12. 17
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst. says:

    Call me Dave is green alright – He’s a f*cking wet lettuce.

  13. 22
    nell says:

    ‘squeezed middles’ and ‘happiness indexes’

    Oh Dear! Whatever happened to the belief that ‘cometh the hour cometh the man’

  14. 23
    Ratsniffer says:

    Happiness? That would be having members of a conservative government which stopped behaving like a bunch of left wing liberal wets, stopped making U-turns stopped licking the EU’s arse-crack, stopped bending over backwards to please the lib dums and started listening to it’s voters.

  15. 24
    Ed Militant and the Sheeple's party says:

    The Big Happy Society.

    • 130
      yes, yes, uu uuuug uuuughhhh ahhhh ah a a a YES! says:

      Yes, if only you would strap a suicide vest to your squeezed middle whilst pretending to oppose the Hunts in power and do everyone a favour!

      Carry on!

      ps. take the whole lot out in the commons and I’ll be very happy.

  16. 26
    nell says:

    Latest on wikileaks ‘attacked by hackers’

    Well we can be fairly sure that whoever the hackers are they are securely housed in a five sided building.

    • 33
      pimpo per cuпtestruzzo says:

      nell , you never used to be this fucking cynical.

      • 177
        Postlethwaite says:


        As mentioned in previous tpic, my inside source says this is the uS using ”denial of service attack”s attacking via Israeli proxy.

    • 90
      ST says:

      I’ll see your cynicism and raise it.

      Wikileaks is experiencing very heavy traffic because this is a leading story on every news network around the world.

      The website goes down.

      So wikileaks claims it’s under attack from “the man” because he can’t deal with how uber cool Assange is.

      Why would any government bother? It’s already out there on news desks. Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.

      • 230
        AC1 says:

        I think “someone’s” inserted some great juicy and false info into the data dump. That’s why they’re letting this go on.

    • 220
      Mr Ned says:

      How convenient… Attack them AFTER the material has been leaked to the media. instead od in the weeks before when they all knew the material was going to be released.

      Just to make it look like they didn’t want this info in the public domain.

      • 244
        Postlethwaite says:

        GUIDO and Mr Ned

        And what do you know about he recent virus targeting control mechanisms – used by Iranian nuclear reactors


        • 259
          Mr Ned says:

          Stuxnet was targeting Seimens control systems, thought to create enough ‘glitches’ in the Iranian nuclear control systems to seriously delay the startup of their nuclear reactor.

          Stuxnet leaked and has caused massive damage in China and elsewhere.

          • Postlethwaite says:

            Stuxnet is just one.
            Interesting turn though.
            Gone from virus to wipe your hard disc, corrupt you data and such like, to a virus to take control of, or louse up process plant.
            When it is clearly targeting a nuclear control system, it is bordering on, if not is, madness.
            And as it is clearly state terrorism, it is asking for retaliation.

  17. 27
    tootles says:

    I’m h-a-p-p-y, I’m h-a-p-p-y, I know I am, I’m sure I am, I’m h-a-p-p-y!

  18. 28
    Down With Brown! says:

    What a shame we don’t have a video of Steve Hilton’s confrontation with the ticket officer.

  19. 29
    Ratsniffer says:

    At least Guido credits the Mail when he quotes from one of their stories.

  20. 31
    noodles says:

    It could be worse, we could be getting lifestyle tips from the fagridden Guardian.

  21. 34
    nell says:

    the first leak putin/berlusconni – their cosy holidays bothered the yanks!!

    • 50

      My German’s not much good Nell, but the cover of tomorrow’s Der Spiegel has already been leaked, and the Septics don’t seem to like many people at all…

      • 56
        nell says:

        Don’t know about sceptics Paragnostic but the yanks are looking increasingly amusing.

        Think this last lot of wikeleak documents might keep up entertained for months!!

        It’s a sure thing that we shan’t ever think of the yanks the same way ever again.

        ‘Gods with clay feet’ ????

  22. 35
    Seretonin. says:

    Just put the nation on prozac or E.

    • 48
      hello? says:

      You better believe it!

      Big Pharma have more sway than any shitty person using a crappy pencil to mark a cross.

      Follow the money.

  23. 37
    albacore says:

    “There is going to be some embarrassment, certainly for Gordon Brown, but even more so for David Cameron, who was not very highly regarded by the Obama administration or by the US ambassador here.”
    Never mind, Dave. You’ll be the septics’ bestest friend again when this Korean unpleasantness goes critical.

    • 46
      what goes around comes around says:

      Now it’s Obama who isn’t well regarded by his administration or the US ambassador here.

    • 58
      Rat's arse says:

      Don’t you just love the Guardian – t o s s e r s & Lieber w a n k e r s !

      • 68
        fuck them all says:

        The Torygraph are as bad as they are keeping up the pretense that all is OK in the big wide world.

        It isn’t, they know it, you know it, we know it. We all know they are fucked.

        Fuck off government and the lobby-crowd media twats.

        I know who will be second in line after the politicians get the treatment they deserve.

        • 97
          knows fuck all says:

          They’re all conspiring against us. Everything’s going to shit, I don’t know precisely what that shit is, but I know I’m talking it. They won’t silence me!!

          I’m not falling for their fucking shit, I’m fucking hard core, I’m a fucking army of one!!

          FUCK YOU!!

    • 65
      fuck them all says:

      I hope that any leaks, Wiki or otherwise, will show the whole lot up for the hypocritical stains on humanity they are.

      No wonder the Chief of Police is talking about “game changes.”

      They know it, we know it and they don’t like the fact we know it.

  24. 39
    Hilton has some skeletons in his closet says:

    Hilton is not as safe as he would like to think he is.

    • 51
      hello? says:

      I’d rather he were dead!

      Sorry, I missunderestimated the fact he is some c u n t the pops are meant to respect.

  25. 41
    David Cameron says:

    Samantha bought a strap-on yesterday.

    I said, “Don’t even think for a minute that you’re shagging me up the arse”.

    Samantha said, “No, I want you to wear it and shag me”.

    I said, “What’s wrong with my cock?”

    Samantha said, “What cock?”

  26. 52
    Old Willie Nelson says:

    I am a 150 year old dope fiend.

  27. 54
    nell says:

    Leak no.2. There will be better leaks in the morning.

    What idiots the yanks are!!

    • 63
      Rat's arse says:

      Thanks Nell for the info. I agree whole-heartedly about the Yanks & having had the misfortune to live there for 2 years, I think you are being very magnanimous in just calling them idiots!

      • 67
        skippy says:

        What a miserable bastard you are Rats arse, they’ve got more freedoms over there than we could fucking dream of, and yet you can’t wait to get back to the nanny state and aunty BBC. You get what you deserve you twat.

      • 69
        S Ickovitall says:

        The British company I work for got taken over by the Yanks a while back. They kept saying that little would change but nothing could be further from the truth. It gets more and more like the nightmare corporate world portrayed in Dilbert every day. What a bunch of brain-dead zombies. You have to laugh – because otherwise you’d cry.

  28. 71
    Midget Alliance says:

    The secret to happiness to never pick on a midget. They have a habit of head butting you in the nuts!

  29. 72
    Maccaroni says:

    Nell, just in case your missing it: Septic’s (tanks) = Yanks.

    It’s public schoolboy ryming slang.

  30. 73
    • 74
      13eastie says:

      Or, if you prefer:

    • 76
      13eastie says:

      Моddеd fіrѕt tіmе аrоund…

      Аmоng ѕсоrеѕ оf оthеr dіѕсlоѕurеѕ thаt аrе lіkеly tо саuѕе uрrоаr, thе саblеѕ dеtаіl:

      • Grаvе fеаrѕ іn Wаѕhіngtоn аnd Lоndоn оvеr thе ѕесurіty оf Раkіѕtаn’ѕ nuсlеаr wеароnѕ рrоgrаmmе

      • Аllеgеd lіnkѕ bеtwееn thе Ruѕѕіаn gоvеrnmеnt аnd оrgаnіѕеd сrіmе.

      • Dеvаѕtаtіng сrіtісіѕm оf thе UK’ѕ mіlіtаry ореrаtіоnѕ іn Аfghаnіѕtаn.

      • Сlаіmѕ оf іnаррrорrіаtе bеhаvіоur by а mеmbеr оf thе Вrіtіѕh rоyаl fаmіly.

    • 104
      Lil Olmey says:

      Funny how governments are so fond of telling us that ‘if you’ve got nothing to hide then you’ve got nothing to fear’, yet as soon as the tables are turned it’s a different story. It’s like lifting a stone and seeing thousands of nasty little insects scurrying around trying to find cover.

  31. 75
    dr. sipp says:

    wl—saudi wanted US to bomb iran


  32. 80
    dr. sipp says:

    wl make politicians out an out LYING scum

    • 109
      nell says:

      What were putinandberlusconni doing on that italian island then?

      Hopefully uscables will reveal the whole story in a day or two.

      • 191
        Hague Pride says:

        What were Osborne and Mandy doing on that yacht then?

        Hopefully uscables will reveal the whole story in a day or two.

  33. 86

    Surely Coulson would have known about it before it was launched ?

    Prime minister your phone is ringing and it’s William Hague err i think !

  34. 92
    Dack Blog says:

    Shame there was no talk of the meaning of happiness when we were (apparently) in clover. Talking about it now when we all feel like we’re in the teetering bus at the end of ‘The Italian Job’ makes Dave look like an total bellend. It would be funny if… well. It is quite funny, actually. In a kind of Hammer horror lunatic cackling as your Gothic pile burns all around you kind of way.

  35. 98
    Sally Bercow Tweet says:
    • 111
      nell says:

      Poor old sally of the alley.

      Presumably it’s too cold outside at the moment for her to be walking the streets so she’s stalking the internet instead. Nigel you’d better watch out.

  36. 102
    13eastie says:

    Wіkіlеаkѕ: blоgоѕрhеrе’ѕ bеmuѕеmеnt соntіnuеѕ аѕ Gаydо Fаwkеѕ іgnоrеѕ mаѕѕіvе іntеrnаtіоnаl dірlоmаtіс сrіѕіѕ tо реrѕіѕt wіth оbѕеѕѕіоnаl аntісѕ оvеr thе соntеntѕ оf Wіllіаm Наguе’ѕ trоuѕеrѕ.

  37. 103
    dr. sipp says:

    did they hav judo breaks

  38. 105

    It’s going quiet already GF. Give us a thread…

  39. 108
    nell says:

    I wonder what the happiness index is in the white house tonight?

  40. 110
    Wikileaks to the governments of the world says:

    If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear lollol

  41. 113
    The Ape Man Commeth says:

    Don’t watch that, watch this.

    Unfortunatly, I put it no stronger than that, Wiki leaks comes at a time when the EUSSR is imploding.

  42. 114
    dr. sipp says:

    nell says:
    November 28, 2010 at 7:09 pm
    I wonder what the happiness index is in the white house tonight?


  43. 115
    thick as thieves ghost says:


  44. 117
    Billy Bowdens Apprentice Umpire says:


  45. 118
    Wikileaks Incoming says:

    US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told American diplomats to spy on other countries’ diplomats at the UN.

    • 153
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      FFS! Spying other countries has been the main task of the Secretary of State since Benjamin Franklin first held the post.

    • 242
      Mr Ned says:

      So did Dubya. Nothing new there. Dubya was actively trying to bribe other countries to back them in the UN, and were tapping private offices there.

      Nothing new here.

      So far there seems to be quite abit of low-level minor embarrasments, old and well known information that is not oftern reported on, like the Saudi’s do not like Iran.

      WOOO Big news NOT! It has been known for centuries that Arabs and Persians distrust each other.

      But what has been sprinkled amongst these true and slightly embarrasing items is a fair amount of anti Iranian lies and other lies that suits the foreign policy of a nation that pulls America’s strings very effectively.

      How convenient for that nation…

      By way of deception etc….

  46. 119
    nell says:

    ‘vain, flawed, paranoid, weak, corrupt………………………..’

    A personal up front view of the leaders of the world’s governments.

    We have still to hear an assessment of bliar and brown but we can guess where they fit in.

  47. 120
    follow the money says:

    O/T but when will the c u n t s in tennis be revealed to be the match fixers they most undoubtedly are?

    Cricket, Football, why not tennis?

    Yours sincerely,

    • 121
      follow the money says:

      Chief Executive of Barclays Retail Banking indeed!

      He didn’t get a clap lol!

      • 126
        rather unsporting cunts says:

        Bad place to host a Barclays tennis-wank-a-thon really. Right next door to the crappy money fest that is centred around 1 Canada Square.

        Did I hear boos? YES!

      • 127
        Trying to follow the money says:

        Who is pegged to win the Davis cup?


    • 129
      Dave says:

      The only fixed match here is your face and a camels arse

    • 178
      Must get a pseudonym one day says:

      All so-called ‘professional sport’ is fixed – if you just think of it as ‘light entertainment’, you’ll start to understand what’s happening there.

      As Hemmingway said, the only true sports are mountaineering, motor-racing and bullfighting – where your very life is on the line every second.

      Anything else is just a rule-based game – and if there’s money involved, it’s just entertainment.

      PS Football fans haven’t worked it out yet – probably never will.

  48. 134
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:

    SKREEEERRRWWWKK!! (ping) (macadamia) (shuffle) SCANDAL! GIVEUSASCANDAL!!!

  49. 137
    US in depth analysis of UK politics says:

    Those Limey cocksuckers in their senate are mostly queer, or if not, the sort of guys that liked being whipped, while tied to a lavatory.

  50. 139
    US in depth analysis of UK politics says:

    Those Limey c*cksuckers in their senate are mostly qu*er, or if not, the sort of guys that liked being wh*pped, while tied to a lavatory.

  51. 140
    Bored already says:

    All very interesting etc etc but please don’t tell me we’re going to have a fucking drip feed of diplomatic disclosures for the next 6 months about which head of state farts loudest and who thinks who is an arshole?

  52. 141
    Barack Obama says:

    What a lightweight Cameron is….

  53. 147
    Barack Obama says:

    The Queen has bad breath ya’ll

  54. 148
    Wicked Leaks says:

    That new geek guy who’s in charge of the Labourite Party – what a prick.

  55. 149
    Barack Obama says:

    I’m not gonna get back in the house in 2012 after this leak am I bro’s?

  56. 152
    Readers Wives says:

    the telegraph is a cowards newpaper. Why dont they let readers comment on the news articles?

    because they are cowards thats why :|

  57. 154
    US leaks 'to embarrass Cameron' says:

    “A leak of US government documents will show that David Cameron is “not very highly regarded” by President Obama’s administration, the BBC is told. ”

    And here’s another leak from my outside privy:

    The USA is not very highly regarded in Britain.

  58. 156
    It is written says:

    If i were an Iranian, seeing Saudi, Bahrain and every other US cocksucking ruling family calling for a strike against us, i might be tempted to get my retaliation in first, and let Allah decide the winner.

    • 158
      nell says:

      When ir+ +an met ir+ +aq in war – who won?

      And we thought ir+ +aq had the most incompetent army in the world. Hmmm??

      • 169
        GlobaCorp Missiles R us Inc. says:

        We did.

      • 172


        You know why you are modded so much, because you try to outwit the modding with ++ stuff etc. Don’t try to game it and you’ll be modded less.

        • 173
          Harry Patch says:

          nell likes crosses in the ground.
          Preferably in neat, orderly rows

        • 175
          Harry Patch says:

          nell likes +’s in the ground.
          Preferably in neat, orderly rows

        • 180
          nell says:

          The Real Guido? I don’t think so!

          Why would he address me as Nell when my moniker is nell?

          Why would the real Guido be talking to me about modding when I wasn’t modded? Hmmm?!!

          • nell says:

            And why would the Real Guido have any reason to address a commentator like me for any reason??


            Labour trolls are such rubbish!!

          • ALAN DUNK-ONE says:

            I would say 100% that that is the real Guido !

          • nell says:

            alan dunk-one ……


          • old hand reader says:

            nell he has actually told you the same thing many times before so in all likelihood it probably is the real guido.

          • nell says:

            Doubt it. Guido tends to use his comments soparingly and for better effect

            I was not modded and had not said anything particularly contentious.

            Anf indeed this is sunday evening. I suspect he has better things to do tonight like tell fairy stories to his girls or enjoy a glass of fine wine or something.

            As I said before ‘labour trolls’ !!!

  59. 161
    call me Dave is shitting himself says:

    The American’s are going to be beastly about me!! Boo hoo hooo!!

    • 170
      13eastie says:

      І dоubt thаt.

      Іt wіll bе thе UЅ dірlоmаtѕ whо lоѕе thеіr jоbѕ іf аnyоnе.

      Іnсоrrесt, реѕѕіmіѕtіс fоrесаѕtѕ fоr thе соаlіtіоn wіll mаkе DС lооk ѕtrоngеr. Тhеіr whіnіng аbоut Аfghаnіѕtаn wіll hаrdly hаrm DС’ѕ ѕtаndіng dоmеѕtісаlly.

      Аll thе rеѕt оf іt wіll bе оn Вlаіr/Вrоwn’ѕ wаtсh:

      Why dіd thеy аrrаngе fоr Jасk Ѕtrаw tо bе ѕасkеd by Вlаіr?

      Whаt dіd thе Аmеrісаnѕ thіnk оf оur unеlесtеd РМ аnd hіѕ еlесtоrаl dіthеrіng, еndlеѕѕ ѕubvеrѕіоn оf hіѕ lеаdеrѕhір, сlаіmѕ tо hаvе ѕаvеd thе Wоrld еtс?

      Whо dіd thеy асtuаlly blаmе fоr thе Меgrаhі rеlеаѕе?

      • 186
        WMD says:

        We’re still in Afghanistan with Dave shoving the troops into the meatgrinder to keep the Americans happy in case you hadn’t noticed.

        • 203
          13eastie says:

          Іn Ѕерtеmbеr, wе fоrсеd thе Аmеrісаnѕ tо tаkе оvеr Ѕаngіn.

          Lаѕt wееk, СМD unіlаtеrаlly dесlаrеd wе wоuld hаnd оvеr thе rеmаіnіng grоund wе соntrоl tо thе Аfghаnѕ іn 2014.

          “…іn саѕе yоu hаdn’t nоtісеd.”

          І dоn’t thіnk hе dіd еіthеr оf thеѕе thіngѕ tо рlеаѕе thе Аmеrісаnѕ аnd І dоn’t thіnk Вrіtіѕh vоtеrѕ wіll ѕіdе wіth thеm оvеr аny grіреѕ thеy hаvе.

          Ѕо whаt іѕ yоur роіnt?

    • 182
      nell says:

      Apparently what they said is that the Coalition would be unstable and collapse within months. Well labour and the Unions were saying that from day one, more in hope than expectation and it still hasn’t happened.

      What they said about Yo!Bliar and brown is far worse, so it is said, but we still await that with interest !!!!

      • 197
        Dame Celia Molestrangler says:

        Indeed – Sky doing their best to prop up old tired Grauniad line about Dave whilst conveniently forgetting that most of the docs refer to the Brown Bliar disaster and that deliciously, some former cabinet ministers are in for a cold hard dose of the truth. Delicioussssssss

  60. 164
    lolol says:

    The Paris embassy remarked on the “thin-skinned and authoritarian personal style” of French President Nicholas Sarkozy after it reported his tendency to repeatedly rebuke his team and the French prime minister.

    Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi was “feckless, vain, and ineffective as a modern European leader”, according to Elizabeth Dibble, US charge d’affaires in Rome. Another report from Rome recorded the view that he was a “physically and politically weak” leader whose “frequent late nights and penchant for partying hard mean he does not get sufficient rest”.

    Key allies in the war on terror are not spared either. A dispatch from Kabul reports the view that the Afghan president, Hamid Karzai, is “an extremely weak man who did not listen to facts but was instead easily swayed by anyone who came to report even the most bizarre stories or plots against him”.

  61. 165
    Dave says:

    I can still see a problem with the irish debt situation, what happens if they all upsticks and leave.
    They have the right to live anywhere in the eu.
    Why stay there and suffer.

    • 168
      paddy bankers says:

      shut the feck up and give us £7Billion

    • 179
      Must get a pseudonym one day says:

      And where will most of the redundant and dispossessed paddy-navvy-pikeys be heading ? Yup, straight across the Irish Sea to the fount of all benefits, good old Blighty. What’s good enough for the enthnics is good enough for the Micks.

      That £7bn Gideon sent over ain’t enough to keep them all away from our benefits piggy-bank, mark my words.

  62. 166
    Thank goodness the septics are competent says:

    Among scores of other disclosures that are likely to cause uproar, the cables detail:

    • Grave fears in Washington and London over the security of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons programme

    • Alleged links between the Russian government and organised crime.

    • Devastating criticism of the UK’s military operations in Afghanistan.

    • Claims of inappropriate behaviour by a member of the British royal family.

  63. 176
    Margaret Moran says:

    I can make YOUR index happy. Wahey! Aint I nawty?!

    • 192
      nell says:

      One has heard that ex labour mp’s, voted out at the last election, are finding it nearly impossible to get employment anywhere else.

      Sorry you are having to resort to the oldest profession of all time – apparently several other ex labour mp’s are joining you!

  64. 181
    Bleeding heart shit says:

    Channel 4 Dispatches tomorrow, “The Kids Britain Doesn’t Want”, is about children of asylum seekers being held in detention centres. Am I being heartless by saying I couldn’t give a fuck? There are too many immigrants here and it’s their parents fault for coming here and expecting to be allowed in automatically and given a fat pile of benefits.

    • 200
      Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin says:

      I introduced tax credits and other benefits to facilitate the import of ‘offshore’ Liebour voters. It worked !!

    • 251
      Anonymous says:

      No you’re not being heartless.
      Send them back where they came from along with all foreign criminals.

    • 325
      AC1 says:

      “The Kids Britain Doesn’t Want, but the far left MSM want us to pay for and encourage even more to dilute Britishness”.

  65. 183
    nell says:

    putinandberlusconni, according to the wikileaks us cables spent lots of time, partying hard together on berlusconni’s island.

    Were berlusconni’sunderagebabies part of the partying??!!

  66. 187
    Brown stories says:

    The revelation about Brown screaming abuse at Barroso is funny but also disturbing. Since the election, we’ve been getting a drip drip of further stories about Brown and they all show that he was far far worse than any of us imagined. Put simply, a very unstable and anti-social man with a dangerously volatile temper was in charge of the country. The poor staff at No10 who had to call a bullying helpline must be so relieved to be working for Cameron. Whatever anyone thinks of him, at least he’s a human being and not a sociopath.

    • 198
      Dame Celia Molestrangler says:

      Looking forward to Brown’s end of term report, and a few others.

      • 212
        Mr Quelch says:

        Gordon is a pleasant and likeable member of the class and has made a good effort this term. His written work is especially neat. I commend him for his progress in arithmetic and for selling £12bn of British gold reserves to the Chinese for £27.50.

  67. 199
    Student power what a shower says:

    What jolly japes that card Assange is up to! Childish c*n*t. Why should it surprise anyone that secret diplomatic notes contain unguarded comments? It’s prurient bullshit. Can’t wait till he turns his guns on some serious m*therf*cks – the Chinese, Russians or Iranians. Wait a minute… that would be daring, wouldn’t it? The Guardian might not be in such a hurry to publish.

  68. 201
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve never shouted at anyone. These are all lies.

  69. 202
    Stephen Byers says:

    Anyone need a cab? I’m skint and need the work.

  70. 206
    Gordon Brown's mincing walk says:

  71. 207
    The Ghost of William S. Burroughs says:

    Wikileaks kinda like a gigantic Hey Rube kick by Uranian Conspiracy, Jack… When the marks wise up to this one tomorrow, gonna be Nova hell to pay all across wounded galaxy – centipede concession and Islam Incorporated send cold fingers of hate to each other across boardroom table already, you dig?

    Grab your ermines and syrettes, Mary, we is grabbing the last lifeboat outta here!

  72. 209
    nell says:

    I assume Chilcot is watching this latest release and looking vey carefully at what it tells us of Yo!Bliar and gutlessgordon’s role in the last two Wars they have wantonly and recklessly taken us into.

    With luck Chilcot is going to find that both Yo!Bliar and gutlessgordon behaved illegally and outside of their parliametary powers in those wars!!

  73. 215
    Dr John "Hound Dog" Reid says:

    Fecking Yankee bastards.

    Need to have a word with my mates Gerry and Martin to sort them out.

    • 219

      Ignorant Fenian twat.

      Still, at least the ‘Gers are above your shower in the Scottish Pub League…

      • 280
        Dr John "Hound Dog" Reid says:

        A but not for long you Orange bastard!!!!

        You see I’ve just started the process of removing all those hun leaning bastards out of the SFA, my plant and fellow Fenian Stuart Regan has already got rid of Dallas and MacDonald albeit I had to enlist the services of the Catholic Church in Scotland (thanks Peter Kearney extra wafers for you next week!) but Stuart should be up to speed in a few months.

        We’ve already gotten our friends in UEFA to make sure that this will be the Huns last season of European football ever ( assistance provided by the ever helpful Graham Spiers and Hugh Keevins) for singing their bigoted ditties like Rule Britannia and God Save The Queen. UEFA fully understand that under no circumstances will our fans political songs be construed as sectarian.

        “Soon there will be no Protestants at all”

        “Ooh Ah Up The ‘Ra, I Say Ooh Ah Up The ‘Ra”

        Oh how I loved belting those out in my office at the MoD

    • 223
      The Ghost of William S. Burroughs says:

      Whatcha need is prehensile piles, Doc… kinda suck the life out of them like poisonous lamphrey.

  74. 218
    Thieving lying scumbag MP says:

    These leaks are disgraceful. It is because of leaks like these that I am now unable to live a life of luxury defrauding the taxpayer.

  75. 221
    Richard Timney with a copy of Readers Wives says:

    I’m always leaking.

  76. 222
    Ken Loach says:

    Socialism is the answer.

    • 231
      The Ghost of William S. Burroughs says:

      All addiction con under Nova conditions, Pops – cool blue of orgone freedom better’n any old dead Russian ideology with Christopher Street mustache.

    • 234
      nell says:

      What was the question?

      Was it?? ‘ what is the worst political philosophy and the one that will bring ruin to the western world if it isn’t stopped??’

    • 247
      Socialists = Sociopaths says:

      I agree.

    • 322
      AC1 says:

      The question is “How do we destroy wealth?”

  77. 224
  78. 225
    Obi Wan says:

    Ed Miliband was a pupil of mine until he turned to the Dark Side. He’s more socialist now than man. Twisted and evil.

  79. 227
    Anonymous says:

    Daves bald Igor should be got rid of —and quickly.

  80. 232
    Wicked Leaks says:

    The UK is the destination of choice for the world’s scroungers layabouts and petty criminals. The benefit system is an international joke. People walk across deserts, climb mountains and swim seas to get here. That tells you everything you need to know about this shithole.

    • 256
      Anonymous says:

      This country isn’t a shit hole.
      But the benefits system is a joke and urgently needs sorting out to stop the feckless taking the piss. Polls have shown that a majority of the electorate agree with radical reform so the Coalition needs to seize the moment.

      • 321
        AC1 says:

        > majority of the electorate

        Since when has that made any difference? Immigration helps raise rents and the political/rent-seeking class love that (it’s at your expense).

    • 268
      mission accomplished says:

      could be worse, could be a septic fuckwit

  81. 233
    Red Ed says:

    Salaries should be capped at £10,000, except for union executives and Labour MPs.

  82. 249
    U.S. Cable #3845c **Not for foreigners eyes** USEC DIP[UKdiv] says:

    “This Cameron guy is a complete douchebag but he’ll do whatever we tell him.” ++ENDTRANS++
    DT06.03.09 — 21.06 E.S.T.

    • 252
      Dame Celia Molestrangler says:

      “This Blair guy is a complete douchebag but he’ll do whatever we tell him.” ++ENDTRANS++
      DT06.03.09 — 21.06 E.S.T.

      • 254
        Anonymous says:

        Nothing secret about that. LOL

        • 258
          Anonymous says:

          Wikileaks says the Saudis urged the US to intervene in Iran.
          Saudi is rolling in cash and full of weapons- why can’t it do it’s own fucking dirty work.

          • Mr Ned says:

            There is nothing new about Saudis hating Iranians. It is also not new that they called for the US to attack Iran.

          • Dave is a fucking pussy with a mouthful of Obama's cock says:

            call me Dave the wimp said Obama was, and I quote, “BRILLIANT!”


    • 264
      REALITY CHECK says:

      If President Omaha dislikes Cameron, that’s good news. It indicates that the era of Liebour poodles is over.

      • 266
        Mr Ned says:

        Obama hates all Brits and still blames us for the death of his Kenyan tribal leading ancestor.

      • 267
        REALITY CHECK says:

        You think Cameron will ever have the balls to criticise his master ?

        ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!

        • 269
          REALITY CHECK says:

          Try and be original or than steal a different moniker, sociopath schizoid


            U.S. Cable #3845c **Not for foreigners eyes** USEC DIP[UKdiv] says:
            November 28, 2010 at 10:55 pm
            “This Cameron guy is a complete douchebag but he’ll do whatever we tell him.” ++ENDTRANS++

            Dame Celia Molestrangler says:
            November 28, 2010 at 11:05 pm
            “This Blair guy is a complete douchebag but he’ll do whatever we tell him.” ++ENDTRANS++
            DT06.03.09 — 21.06 E.S.T.

  83. 257
    Voice of Treason says:

    What with breast feeding faciities being made compulsory for businesses, plain wrappers for smokers, a hike in alcohol prices, cut back on funding sports in schools and a fucking banal happiness index I’m beginning to think Cameron is more New Labour than New labour itself. I thought we’d got rid of all this sort of nonsense but it appears it’s getting worse.

    What a bunch of wussies!

  84. 263
    Christy says:

    Happiness happiness, do you really not understand what happiness is all about, tell you what this is one of the basic ingredients of what cements society together.
    As so called educated politico’s you show a basic lack of understanding of what people define happiness as.
    We are now going to spend taxpayers cash on asking people what their views on happiness are,what a charade,as so called political savvy people who are delegated by the voters of this country to run it how sad that we have come to this.

  85. 270
    dr. sipp says:


    will soon be joining fergie as an outcast

  86. 274
    Bullingdon Dave and his Bullying Right Hand Man wuvs Gordo says:

    Gordon never hit, shoved or shouted at anyone.

  87. 275
    Naughty naughty says:

    So what’s this outrageously “inappropriate behaviour” that Prince Andrew got up to abroad?

  88. 276
    jonsnownews says:

    English happiness index increases as Australia are more shite at cricket like now they are a joke

    8,000 English fans, about 4,000 aussies, at their home ground the Gabba-ha-ha-ha

  89. 282
    Leslie Nielsen RIP says:

  90. 288
    We're all in this together and SOMEBODY's gotta pay for it says:

    “Happiness Index” sounds like another “Big Society” moment to me

  91. 292
    A J Scott says:

    What can be done about all these foul mouthed, empty headed idiots who ruin the threads of sensible comment on your site? Can they be given a separate dog comfort station in which to deposit their rubbish?

  92. 293
    Daffy_Duck says:

    Did someone say Airy Hairy Rollocks?

    It’s either that or two of my chicks!

  93. 294
    Uphill Gardeners says:

    “Mr Duncan, who is gay and in a civil partnership, once shared a London flat with William Hague. ”

    That doesn’t mean he is gay though, right?

    • 316
      Correctamundo says:

      Yes totally not gay, a bit like Jackie Smith living with her sister, while her husband was knocking one out at the taxpayers expense…

  94. 295
    Is it gordon? says:

    So who is the labour minister ?

    The confidential intelligence file said that the minister had been described as a ‘bully’ by a colleague, and his mood was changeable.

  95. 296
    Leslie Nielsen RIP says:

  96. 298
    An Widdicombe says:

    I’m in it to win it

  97. 300
    Eeh by gum says:

    American spies drew up a dossier on Alan Duncan, the international development minister, compiling details of his relationships with the leading Conservatives, including William Hague.

  98. 304
    Dark Lord says:

    Can someone explain how the documents have been obtained by Wikileaks. There is a lot about what they contain but nothing about how they were leaked. I also would like to know who the ex Labour minister is.

  99. 306
    Dark Lord says:

    I think I have it – UK born US soldier appears to have done it.

    • 327
      streamfisher says:

      The English actor always gets the role of the psychotic villain in Hollywood films these days, don’t knock it… its a living.

  100. 307
    Andy Coulson says:

    Guido Fawkes ‘to embarrass Cameron’

  101. 308
    NotW_Scumbag says:

    I came here today to discover the identity of the lab “hound dog with women”, but there isn’t even a short list of candidates.

    Instead Guido continues his defence of lying scumbag Coulson.

  102. 313
    Steve Hilton is an Embarrassment says:

    Steve Hilton is an embarrassment to everyone [except Cavein Cameron].

  103. 323


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Another Spare Room Subsidy Cut Success | Harry Phibbs
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UKIP’s Immigration Policy Promotes Migrant Entrepreneurs | Breitbart
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Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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