Cameron’s Comedy Turn
While 10,000 kids smash up Whitehall outside, Cameron was entertaining the Lobby lunch, the first PM to do so in 31 years. It must have been a good speech for devout Dave-hater Kevin Maguire to announce that “Cameron witty, smooth, confident, clear and direct in answering questions at today’s press gallery lunch. Impressive”.
Guido could hear the laughter from the cellar. Rory Bremner, warming up, declared “Cameron and Clegg have no mandate (for tuition fees) the only one with a man date is Hague”. However it was Dave’s crack about Simon Burns really tickled him. Apparently once when Bercow told Burn “I’m not happy” the Tory Health Minister quipped “Well, which one are you then?”
UPDATE: Paul Waugh has more of the jokes, but comedy aside DC gave the clearest hint yet he wants David Laws back in the Cabinet “soon”. You can bet on just how soon over at Smarkets where prices on Laws to return have jumped…
Oi!
Cameron remains me of Nero, when Rome burns the fool is playing around with his liar friend and lady boy.
He’s probably a kweer.
No more broken promises and cast iron promises wants an expense fiddler back in Cabinet. Almost as good as his pledge to stick up for UK in Europe, the Eurocrats got a 3.7% pay rise today- Baroness Ashton got £9,00 extra to her £241,000 salary. May’s speech on immigration was laughable. He is starting to make Gordon look good.
And you ‘Anonymous’ remind me of a talentless, spotty Labour lickspittle…
Al, you remind me of a person cheering in Nuremberg rallies.
Fuck off Jimmy.
You mean the homophobic ones?
Sophie, tried joining B*P, they are bit more nasty than the tory once you got. You could enjoy what they do to poor helpless people.
“Sophie, tried joining B*P”
Sorry, socialist partys of all descriptions are collectivist evil personified, but then you eugenics supporting fabians know that already.
I remain an English libertarian, currently donating money & support to UKIP.
You are dismissed.
Sophie , Its Out ! raising a finger as well .
Sophie; might be EDL will suit you.
So you’re as old as that?
Sophie; might be EDL will suit you”.
I have no quarrel with any English patriot.
Your point was again?
“Sophie; might be EDL will suit you.”
Poor grammar, Labour edukation?!
Sophie; when you see your EDL friends ask them who they vote.
I’m not homophobic – i just hate air stewards.
I’m not fussy.
1.Sneezy
2.Sleepy
3.Dopey
4.Doc
5.Happy NOT
6.Bashful
7.Grumpy
Is there one called ‘Smug’?
There is one called Oik or lady boy and another trying to share a room / bed.
Gimpy?
….Adolf ?
Leave my gnome alone, you nasty people.
1.Sleezy -Hain
2.Seepy – Vaz
3.Dopey – Abott
4.Doc – Reid
5.Crappy – Balls
6.Basher -Prescott
7.Grumpy – Brown
1.Sleezy -Nick
2.Seepy – Cable
3.Dopey – Osborne (more like cokey)
4.Doc – None (we have a stupid bunch)
5.Crappy – Cameron
6.Basher – Clark
7.Grumpy – May
8. Bi – Hague
Sorry, you labour troll. but it was your lot that fucked this country beyond saving.
Please fuck off and die.
I love it when you talk nasty!
THE PARAGNOSTIC; I accept labour fucked it but the present one is trying to screw the country where ever there is a hole.
Its more like abusive husband was replaced by violent pimp.
GET BERCOW !
ont careif he is funny , just want him to run the fuckin country
I understood it, dear. Do you have to use rude words to get your point across?
Is Fuck a rude word ? i mean we all do it .
Time for a ‘Power Nap’ Billy, we need you on top form with just over 6 hours to go.
Hmm. They may have to start without me. Should make it there for first ball on day three.
Did they have a dwarf called “Obnoxious little Hunt” then?
Yeah. It’s still MP for Salford.
The old ones are the best ones, but Berkov is STILL a c u n t!
Billy is dopey! Ffs.
Silly Fokkers now burning wreaths at the Cenotaph
They are heading for Downing street
shoot the bastards
I reckon all sympathy is now lost for them.
I think that Transit van was put there as bait
and the silly fuckers fell for it
look where all the other police vans are parked
hope it had cameras inside it !
It did, quite a few cemeras.
Burning wreaths at the cenotaph? Oh well that fucks them totally.
They are the most stupid, braindead, retarded, idiotic, clueless fuckwits ever to protest.
But what do you expect from students who have exclusively been educated under labour?
You sound quite daft too.
In thirty years they’ll be running the country. Oh, joy.
Haha, what country? They might be lording it over EUSSR region #7
No, Smoggie. In 30 years, we’ll be running the country.
Sounds like they’re both up for it. The point of protesting against HE tuition fees rather than anything else that comes to mind is that it’s an excuse for the agitators to get a load kids into the crowds. So when Plod goes to kettle them all for a few hours, they can shout “Oi, [political + other expletives deleted] think of the kiddies”.
You would!
Makes a change from the usual pissing on War memorials on Freshers nights
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1220579/Carnage-Shame-drunken-student-caught-urinating-war-memorial-mass-pub-crawl.html
I feel Happy but he doesn’t like it.
2 Comment #9s. Well done the guidobase!
And my best joke is…………
…….. Nick Clegg
Just a mention of his name has the gathering on the floor laughing uncontrollably
Either Cameron was good or the wine was good for Maguire.
Also Laws (he of the implausible rent story) will be back in govt soon. Heir to Blair indeed. Honest men like Young kept away. Dishonest cronies can do no wrong.
So at least when Cameron either retires or gets kicked out as PM, he can earn the crust he doesn’t really need as an after-dinner speaker.
As a student I remember someone saying: “Maggie Thatcher- she’s only doing it for her CV”.
Just an absurdist joke at the time, but I wonder these days, whether PM is a career step before something more lucrative.
Worked for Blair
Brown still at the jobcentre plus
I will be travelling back to report to the House at 5 pee emm and, uh
Good bye
Witty? Repeating someone elses joke?
Double the dose of smooth and confident then.
A little bit of wee just came out.
Keep your weenie out, Mr. Brown, dear. Afternoon wankies in ten minutes. Would you like chocolate hob nobs or digestives with that?
serious question..
anyone think david cameron could be the best pm since thatcher?
So he has to better than Brown, Bliar and Major.
Cameron could be a rather average PM (and currently the signs are that he will be), and he’d still be streets ahead of the first two, and probably level on points with the third.
I think Major was better. And I really really hated him.
Ditto.
no
He is the best prime minister since Gordon Brown
Now you wouldn’t want that on your CV
No.
I bet he’s even better than Thatcher.
At telling jokes.
What about “every woman needs a Willie”?
Thatcher was lucky that she had pretty much a blank canvas to work on as there had been virtually nothing radically new in British politics since the development of the welfare state after the second world war. Whilst reviled by many she did apply a whole new way of doing things..turned many situations upside down and shook the economy back into life….changed the dominance of the unions… brought in the denationalisation programme and gave ‘right to buy’.
These three elements alone were enough to put her in the history books…add the rest and she stands tall. No prime minister could achieve so much these days as there are not the opportunities to be really radical in a reforming sense as most of the ground has been covered.
Students are vermin.
Oi!
Re the protests , Can hire a helicopter and drop some shit parcels on there heads ?
Who is this Guido Fawkes in the cellar ??
“Guido could hear the laughter from the cellar”
Creepy!
Can anyone imagine the Caledonian Cyclops raising a laugh like that one about Simon Burns and the pompous fartlet Bercow ? Had “chippy”, class garbage- carrier Macguire had a Newcastle brown or two too many ?
Who’s the one who was a wooden boy? A wooden puppet with someone pulling his strings to make him dance to their tune.
Then he comes to life, tells a load of porkies and becomes the unexpected leader of the Labour party.
I like that one.
Beg to differ, that one is too wooden ever to come to life.
Can you narrow it down a bit? Which decade?
Kinoccio?
No that was Punch and Judy on the beach, happy days.
There is an old joke about Snow White sitting on his face but I can’t for the life of me remember what it is ….
Snow White thought 7-up was a drink until she discovered Smirnoff.
I think she’s saying “Quick Pinocchio tell another lie”
І’m fuсkіng lоvіng wаtсhіng thеѕе “ѕtudеnt” twаtѕ bеіng kеttlеd оn Whіtеhаll, оn Ѕky
ЅроrtѕNеwѕ.Іt’ѕ lоvеly аnd wаrm аt my рlасе, І саn uѕе thе bаthrооm аѕ І рlеаѕе аnd еаt аnd drіnk whаt І сhооѕе.
Мuѕt dаѕh ― сrumреtѕ аrе rеаdy…
Just eaten a huge chicken sandwich, on my second be*er, thinking exactly the same thing.
I bet it’s cold out there.
It’s REALLY cold out there. Just look at the way they’re all huddled together for warmth.
Shouldn’t you two be at work…? (enquires enviously)
Korean concrete pumps never stop working. If the concrete has a chance to set, they’re finished.
Wоrk gеnеrаlly tаkеѕ рlасе оnсе а yеаr іn Jаnuаry аnd іnvоlvеѕ mееtіng оnе’ѕ ассоuntаnt tо ѕіgn оnе’ѕ tаx rеturn аnd wrіtе а bіg fuсkіng сhеquе tо НМRС.
Іt’ѕ nоt ѕоmеthіng І саrе fоr оnе jоt аnd І сеrtаіnly wоuld nоt wаnt tо ѕее any increase in the frequency of its incidence.
Are they still following this? I’m gonna nip out for some supplies, then.
“Mmm…?”
Gove on the bbc now just said of the students “If they go into the higher paid sector
ie Banking or BBC Presenting “will start to pay back the loan more quickly
what a wag he is !
I am one off the BBC reporters , And i bumped into a few poor students that may commit suicide because of the savage cuts the unelected coalition are planning .
I have some rope if they need assistance.
I just Samantha some perfume for Xmas.
The Black guy serving me said, “Would you like me to wrap it?”
I said, “No thanks, just talking normally is fine”.
I once met a black man you know.
Just been up your chimney, had he ?
Say what you like about Cameron at least he looks and sounds like a leader. Ed Militant looks and sounds like the President of the NUS. He looks out of his depth and sounds like he is speaking at a student’s meeting. He is not leadership material.
Tory education secretary Michael Gove blames the Socialist Workers Party for student protests. We’re proud to play our part.
http://www.socialistworker.co.uk/art.php?id=23188
I think he blames the National Union of Soapdodgers as well.
SociALIST worker party – how about being honest enough to remove workers from your name
I love your website! “A revolutionary anti-capitalist paper in Britain”.
And then the links to follow you on Twitter and Facebook.
You couldn’t make it up.
make you own socialist, computers, internet and website eeerrrrrr but you can’t coz socialist are shit and all they can do is protest
don’t take viagra or wear a condom if capitalist stuff bother you that much
how about no tampon!
Woolas – why aren’t you thinking up excuses for your possibly-not-forthcoming Judicial Review?
Right! Socialism produces nothing worthwhile because it suppresses innovation and endeavour.
All their exports are packaged in cattle trucks or shell casings. Ask the South Koreans.
And Socialist “Worker” here would have us start from Year Zero again.
Socialism and Democracy are incompatible.
I quite like the saab drakken, but not the citroen DS.
Marxism and an economy are incompatible.
This is all getting a bit weird.
I love your appeal for £150,000, you could always try working.
Today’s students are incredibly thick. They don’t even realise that sitting down wind of a smoking fire is not good for the eyes and lungs.
just burnd sum reeths.
of 4 pot nudle & wank now
@Beastie. You read my mind. Who would want to be them. Warm as toast indoors.
So Dave has given a cast iron hint that he wants a thief in Government “soon”.
Laws will not be the only thief in the cabinet, thats for sure.
I wonder how much public money an MP would have to steal before they were persona non grata for a pucker troughing top job in Team Dave.
£100,000?
£250,000?
How much theft would be beyond the pale?
Quite a lot. The EU’s just made off with another £8bn of our dosh, and Dave’s quite happy about it. In fact, I bet you could steal the entire United Kingdom and Dave wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
While Rome is burning , he’s having Lobby Luncheon. A Bit haughty- don’t you think.
The Guy is an arrogant and conceited. And Neo Con Guido Lovers, you will find out very soon how arrogant and conceited he is.
oi knob – I see it as burning rome whilst the lobby is having lunch
“The primary motivation for the creation of the blog was purely to make mischief at the expense of politicians and for the author’s own self-gratification.”
But you don’t get it, do you….?
Do you ‘get’ anything..?
rustle me up some chow mein and a sweet and sour chicken ball please
I’m Korean today, not Chinese……you plick.
Give it two weeks.
Straying a bit far from Itaewon today, aren’t you. Better hurry back, it’s your turn on the pole.
I am a right wing English nationalist libertarian & I agree with you about team Dave.
Romes due to burn after Lisbon and Madrid.
I wonder if Dave will be picking up the tab for those, too.
(I know the answer, please don’t depress me.)
You bet he will. He will even paint a target on his arse for me.
There is little humour to be had from these small minded jokes.
Where’s the punch line?.
About knee-high.
They are in short supply
Clare Solomon welcomes outsiders into the protest and says it is the police who were the violent ones.
She also reckons the Plod purposely left that van parked up so that the press could have shots of the students trashing it.
Oh God. and this pile of muck is the future generation.
No Solomons not the future shes middle aged and pushing 40 for christ sakes. Someone one should ask where when she intends to graduate.
Pyongyang U, Juche 101.
We don’t pay the police to stand back and not hit anyone. Get stuck in lads!
Some dopey tart on Sky with some sort of feather in her hair [it could be her brain hanging out] moaning about being penned it. I HOPE THEY KEEP THEM PENNED IN ALL SODDIN NIGHT. Oh, and Berkcow and his fragrant wife [she who smells of whiffy fish] should be in the middle of that lot, so that he can exercise his ‘authority’ and she can ply her trade.
Good speech or was Toilets well lubricated?
Or indeed, looking for a job?
Got a job thanks for asking smoggie. I’m ready to go on the night shift at A & E.
.
You got a job?
Yes thanks.
PS Ratarse, my comment was a new one referring to Maguire’s tweet on Cameron not a reply to yours.
I think we need to ask the 3rd umpire .
So Cameron gives a good speech while actually achieving very little.
Heir to Blair indeed…
I was a student once
But only until you were aged 38, imagine that now £9000 a year for twenty years = £180,000, money well spent by the state I would say.
Well at least I am not a ginger rodent.
Fap fap
Unlucky, Tat.
Go for 200.
Guido , Any chance of a Ashes post to mark the begining of the greatest sporting battle this year ?
Can’t wait Billy. Hope we do ourselves proud!
Going to be wicked , Watching the Aussies get there butts kicked at home …
Are you kidding, mate ?
David Cameron won’t go near “The Gabba”
Let the sledging commence
” Mind the windows Tino ”
You are going to lose again .
EASY , EASY , EASY !
Is it snowing
Yeah, like who has been shagging Clarke’s missus.
Most of the aussie team
And a few Aussie Rules boys.
Fuck me!
FFS.
Twats with bats.
Police or students?
I’d like to wish South Britain all the best for the cricket.
Cun t !
I’d just like to wish West and North Britain bon voyage on your journey of self-discovery.
Coalition of Resistance: Can’t Pay, Won’t Pay
2,000 STUDENTS SURROUND POLITICAL BLOGGER,GUIDO FAWKES.
Is that enough? Are they touching their fingertips together?
puddledum-tish
Good day to bury new of systematic islamic sexual abuse
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Article/201009115826644
Fucking hell, they really are dirty bastards.
Systemic?
Five years ago the b & p were trying to get action taken on this after parents who went to the police were told “it happpens, get used to it.”
Filthy bastards.
Stop complaining. Don’t you realise you’re being culturally enriched. Lie back and feel the vibrancy.
I’m turning on the showers for you now boys
Hello, my name’s Tim Loveboys and I’m an absolute wanker.
Wanna be in my gang?
I have been asked to open a new 99p shop. the mangager thinks I am a penny short of a pound.
Guido Fawkes risked controversy today as he “kettled” several hundred protesters after clashes during student tuition fee protests.
Demonstrators were penned in by political bloggers in Whitehall after a stranded police van was attacked and vandalised.
Guido Fawkes said he will bring in portable toilets and water but he said it was unclear how long people would have to remain.
Stranded? It was planted!
Almost certainly.
Seems that war in Afghanistan wasn’t a complete waste of time, life, money and prestige. It taught us that if something looks a bit convenient…don’t go near it.
Police put the kettle on
Police put the kettle on
Police put the kettle on
But the students want to wee.
Wow it looks sooooo cold down there in London
i think 3 o’clock in the morning would be a good time to release them when all their caches have left all public transport has finished and all the pubs are shut so they can’t have a nice cold beer and reflect on their days rioting !
fucking vermin !
I will start filling my blank piece of paper as soon as Len and Charlie tell me what to white
Still not decided what to do Ed?
How about a Gap year?
Please let me out of the kettle, I have got to go to school in the morning
What’s the temperature due to fall to tonight in Whitehall? Metcheck says -3 (feels like -7C).
Right, forget school, you’re not going to see dawn. A human kidney goes for $100K in the US. 3,000 demonstrators x 2 kidneys each = $600m. That’s a bit of Labour’s de*bt-mountain sorted.
Ta.
Apparently some parents of protesting students have complained to the police about their little darlings being kept outside when it’s so cold!
OK. Their kidneys can be collected and sold, too.
I’m an absolute Hoon. Just wanted to make that clear.
I have nothing to say.
I’m just taking the piss.
I’m just taking the piss.
No I cant !
Shhh.. quiet Audrey. Doc said rest your jaw for at least 6 weeks.
I’ve been wondering who would be good to act as edmilitwit’s press/policy adviser y’know like coulson is to cameron?
It has to be maguire doesn’t it?
Polly ?
Tinky Winky?
Cameron is a joke. Full Stop. As a Conservative, that is.
“Students” shout “Tory scum, Tory scum”
When was the last time you saw a Tory?
1989?
“Cameron witty, smooth, confident, clear and direct in answering questions at today’s press gallery lunch. Impressive”.
It was a liquid lunch I presume?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8158037/Education-White-Paper-teachers-to-be-given-personality-tests.html?source=newswidget
“Government will force would-be teachers to take aptitude tests and undergo personality screening before being accepted on to courses.”
Prospective MPs next?
I don’t actually think 10,000 students are smashing up London. Many hundreds/thousands are being held against their will for 4 hours now in the cold London night. Could be one of your children??? Are you sayiug no one has the right to protest???
But the violence perpetrated by the authorities towards the British population was always bound to be challenged in some form or other. The complacent majority in this country have allowed their lives to be taken away and their futures ruined. Let’s make the right connections shall we rather than admire from afar the ‘jokery’ of the politicians – who frankly don’t give a fuck about the population
One of my sons went on the last student demo and I warned him it would be hijacked by troublemakers and turn violent. He peacefully made his point, kept away from the violence and then went to the pub before catching the coach back to uni.
If he’d gone on this demo and got ” kettled” by cops I would tell him it was tough shit. I certainly wouldn’t be moaning about his treatment by the authorities. These protestors are being treated with kid gloves compared to some of the violent scenes I’ve witnessed on demos before.