Chuka “Barack” Umunna has committed the schoolboy error of leaving an original document in one of the many shared parliamentary photocopiers. The man that secretly pitches himself as the Britain’s very own Obama was witnessed by a co-conspiring bag-carrier making hundreds of copies of this:

Guido would like to remind the new member that mass unsolicited mailings are against the rules, but its another little one that John Lyon often turns a blind eye to. So who could the mystery guest possibly be… Given Chuka is Ed Miliband’s PPS, could the invisible leader be planning to actually show his face somewhere?

UPDATE : Guido’s high-level bag-carrying and photocopying source reports that he re-visited the photocopier and found the machine now stuffed full of mangled “Chuka Umunna MP: New from Westminster” leaflets, and this note attached to the machine. Not only that, the other photocopier in the room had a similar note attached, in the same hand-writing. Tsk, tsk…

The Milibands reminisce:

“Back home in Primrose Hill, their five-year-old son, Isaac, climbed into bed with them. “Don’t wake Daddy up, he’s very tired,” whispered Louise. “Did Daddy get the big job?” Isaac was told gently that he had not. “Oh,” replied the boy, momentarily crestfallen. “Who did?” “Uncle Eddie got the big job,” Louise told him. “Oh,” said Isaac.”

Barely a month in and shots are already being fired from left, right and centre at the absent leader of the Labour Party. Ed Miliband may have sent Yvette Cooper off to the Shadow FCO to avoid her undermining him as Shadow Chancellor, but it seems that the safe pair of hand he chose instead, Alan Johnson, isn’t afraid to fire a shot across the invisible leader’s bow. You couldn’t exactly say the pair hit the ground running with their below par response to the CSR and now Johnson is calling for the unions role in electing the leader to be scrapped. Essentially calling the election of his leader illegitimate.

Elsewhere Balls told the Staggers he wouldn’t “follow crap” from his leader and the news is confirmed that Hazel Blears, Ben Bradshaw and Pat McFadden all refused jobs in Red Ed’s shadow government. Guido wonders how much time Ed is really spending changing nappies rather than working the phones in a desperate bid to hold his fragile new team together. Miliband needs a strong fixer, a Willie, a Campbell, a Coulson, and he needs one fast. Seems anyone any good won’t touch the  job with a barge pole though…

Right about now the boys of Finchley Catholic High School are preparing to march through the streets of Finchley and end up at Thatcher’s old constituency office to oppose the rise in student fees. Otherwise known as “bunking off school”. Funny how the pupils of this normally civilised and rather middle-class school have been radicalised recently.

Has their Business Liaison Officer, and chief litter-picker-upper, Damian McBride taken to the soap-box in the playground?

Thousands died in the transition from being England’s first colony, to an Irish Free State and finally an independent Republic. The ironies arising from the situation in Ireland are many. Joining the Euro, hugging the state tight to the whole European project and Dublin’s politicians slavishly obeying their new masters in Frankfurt has ended in disaster. Why fight the English for 400 years for sovereignty only to surrender it to Germany?

O’Connell, de Valera and Collins must be turning in their graves as the heir to the Baronetcy of Ballentaylor, in County Tipperary, and Ballylemon, in County Waterford, contemplates rescuing the Irish Republic with English pounds. The heir normally prefers to go by the name of George…

David Cameron at the Spectator awards…

“Shit happens.”

Yesterday Guido published a recording of expenses fiddling Tory MP Bill “piggin” Wiggin defending himself against allegations from a constituent about where exactly his main and second homes are. Wiggin claimed, on the record, he told Parliament that his “main home” was in Herefordshire, enabling him to benefit from the perks of the second home allowance for his London property, but that’s not what he told his local council.

The official rules determining how these parking permits are given out state that in order to get one the house must be your primary residence and the car has to be registered to that address. Wiggin claims that he was allowed not one, but two, permits, which he later expensed, despite it not being his primary residence because his his children went to school in the area. This smelt a little off to Guido, so he spoke to someone senior at Hammersmith and Fulham who stated in no uncertain terms:

“We don’t do special dispensations for anyone on parking permits and if we ever did it wouldn’t be because of children.”

Guido knows old Bill is a reader, so would he kindly explain that one?

See also : Cameron: Wiggin Has To Go, Piggin’ Wiggin’s Permit Porkie Pie, Beginnin’ Diggin’ into Piggin’ Wiggin, Piggy Wiggin and Khan’s Moranic Receipts, Wrigglin’ Piggin’ Wiggin