October 18th, 2010

Has Hancock Perjured Himself?

The Sunday Times would have made uncomfortable reading for pervy LibDem MP Mike Hancock. Having triggered an investigation by Hampshire Police  Hancock’s alleged victim, a mentally ill constituent, has apparently seen a deterioration in her condition since the alleged assault. On Friday Guido exclusively regaled some of the text messages that Hancock has admitted sending the woman to “cheer her up”. During the election when Hancock was seeking an injunction about other allegations that an election opponent had printed in a leaflet he signed an affidavit saying:

‘I am a good family man and these allegations about me having numerous extra-marital affairs are completely untrue and Mr. Cummings knows that.’

How does begging another woman with messages like “please give me a chance princess” weigh up with the who “good family man” thing?

Should perjury be added to the long list of allegations concerning “Handy-cock”?


  1. 1
    My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

    Maybe handycock should send the same text to keir starmer.


    • 6
      Thrice times 10 Nick says:

      “I am a good family man and these allegations about me having numerous extra-marital affairs are completely untrue and Mr. Cummings knows that.’

      numerous adj.
      Amounting to a large number; many.

      Depends how you define many then. His statement is typical of a Politician, he’s not denying the affairs and limiting the number of affairs to less than a large number of affairs.


      • 34
        lord Trombone says:

        Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrat Energy Secretary, announces new nuclear power stations despite his previous concerns about safety and the clean-up costs.

        are you laughing as much as I am

        you can form a coalition with us, as long as you give up all your beliefs and do our dirty work, you grade 1 losers


        • 38
          Mad as a Huhne says:

          And he scraps the environmentally friendly Severn barrage generation scheme at the same time. Perhaps his dumping the wife and kids to live with a lesbian was the first indication that he had lost his marbles and reversed his whole outlook on life.


      • 55
        Anonymous says:

        Further to the comment by “10 Nick”, one might counter that by noting that MH’s use of “completely” in conjunction with “untrue” means that he is asserting that there is no atom of truth whatsoever in any allegation of affairs, rather than merely challenging an overestimate of alleged activity.


      • 115
    • 9
      Pompey Gent says:

      How does begging another woman with messages like “please give me a chance princess” weigh up with the who “good family man” thing?

      In Fratton that means he doesn’t kick the dog and beat his wife and kids on a Friday night.


      • 155
        Lawyerlyballs says:

        Yes, if his affidavit can be proven to be untrue he could be guilty of perjury. If, in the affidavit, he denies the allegations and if these allegations later turn out to be true then there IS a case for perjury. However I think M’learned friends would probably conveniently set those charges aside given his official capacity as an hon member.


    • 29
      Up sh1t creek says:

      No text messages will get these piggies off, they will have to know that secret handshake.


      • 39
        Baroness Houdini says:

        Racists !


        • 126
          Hugh Janus says:

          Such a comment may have frightened off the last lot, but I would like to think that this government isn’t quite so eaily cowed.

          She may be a Baroness, but she sure aint no lady….


      • 52
        Make an example of them says:

        Club them like Canadian seal pups I say……live on telly – Sky One. Should beat X-factor in the ratings.


        • 86

          Blast the buggers from the barrels of brass 9 pounders like we did to the Dehli mutineers. It’s a fun filled and colourful spectacle, very educational and packed with revenue generating opportunities way beyond simple tv broadcasting rights.

          Personally I think it’s a winner whichever way one looks at it.


    • 137
      The Decameron says:

      Several affairs?!?!?!?

      He’s not done badly for a short, fat, greying Robin Cook lookalike of a garden gnome.


  2. 2
    Mandy the peoples princess says:

    “please give me a chance princess”

    Too late ducky I’m spoken for.


  3. 3
    White Van Man says:


  4. 4
    Greg Beales says:

    Very well said,Guido

    World renowned political blogger, Guido Fawkes called today for banks to pay an extra £3.5 billion a year in taxes to offset cuts in investment.

    He said that the Government’s plans for a bank levy were “inadequate” compared with the pain being inflicted on children and families through public spending cuts.

    “The banking sector is contributing £2.4 billion, while child benefit freezes and cuts will raise substantially more,” Mr Fawkes said.

    “So families take the strain while bankers grab the bonuses. There is no justification for such an unfair sharing of the burden.


    • 10
      The big D says:

      Has Guido got a job as speech writer for Alan Johnson?


      • 18

        Victoria street really hasn’t got its act together yet has it.
        Fake ‘I’m upset with libs’ .. feeble ‘ I used to be a Tory but.. ‘ and now Guido is a ‘Dave cheerleader’.

        Labour HQ should look through their database and rehire Campbell and Mandy’s spinners. they were much more convincing than these nappy wearers.

        I doubt those who got booted out after the election found much, or indeed any work, since May. And they’ve probably still got all the laptops they nicked out of No10.


      • 36
        Jack says:

        Guido writes speeches for Johnson AND Osborne…

        Depends on which one talks Balls the last……


    • 26
      Up sh1t creek says:

      The banks should have had NO taxpayers money, in their crappy state, they should have been FORCED to collapse.

      As for child benefit, if you think having a child is a benefit, YOU pay for it. Why should single people pay for your desire to spread your legs and pop a sprog?


  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    well done guido!


  6. 7
    Backwoodsman says:

    Never mind the attempted mong fondling, how can the fucker still be an MP when its revealed his local ‘address’ is a lock up garage ? Can’t they bang him up for that and let D Block deal with the other issue on behalf of the public ?


    • 14
      Denis MacShane says:

      What have you got against Lock Up garages? They can make a politician a lot of money, I can tell you.


    • 81
      Mike Hunt says:

      He rents the lock-up to stay on the City Council as a ‘resident’ of the City.


      • 87
        Anna Tolia says:

        How can he do either job properly? Is he getting two salaries (or one salary and council ‘expenses’)? Since when have part-time MPs been allowed to sit?


        • 92
          Milking the system says:

          Yep and 2 sets of expenses as well. His wife is also a Pompey councilor and both his wife and sprog have been on the payroll in his MP’s job.

          He does not even live in Pompey (Fareham) and uses the address of a lock up garage in the city to satisfy the rules or the rules as he sees them.

          He and his family are parasites of the state.


        • 138
          Rope and Lamp Posts says:

          Count yourselves lucky. “Double, even triple, jobbing” (MP / MLA / Cllr) as it is known here in Northern Ireland is a way of life with our local politicians and has made them very fucking rich. And they’re utterly useless at all three jobs too. But then we do vote almost purely along sectarian lines so we get what we deserve. It’s so accepted that votes are based on party / religion and not the person standing for election that when a MLA stands down mid-term, the seat is just filled by the party of the MLA leaving without a by-election.

          Also, pretty much to a man they soley employ family members in their assembly & constituency offices.

          They’ve it all fucking stitched up for themselves and its about time the pitchforks were sharpened.


          • No1 Chancer and Trougher in Parliament says:

            This is the CV for my entire working life from my website:


            You will see that I have not included my education here, because I am totally uneducated, I do not have one educational qualification.
            I list three achievements in my entire political career but have achieved only one the demolition of the Tricorn Centre. The Arundel Street project otherwise known as the Northern Quarter has been cancelled and the City Council is currently being sued for £9M, for fraud, over the Palmerston Rd redevelopment. Nonetheless, I did, when I was leader of Hampshire County Council, Links with Moscow, Romania, The Basque Country, and elsewhere, at taxpayers expense. You will have seen in the Media that I am now paying for my indiscretions in Moscow by having to employ, Katya, the daughter of a KGB/FSA officer as my parliamentary assistant, who arranges for me to take Russian Officials to European Russian Committee meetings. My indiscretions in Romania and elsewhere are soon to be revealed.
            In conclusion in a political career which has encompassed holding 3 political posts at the same time and employing my wife and daughter on MP’s expenses and arranging for them to be Councillors at the same time, although, like me, they are virtually illiterate and completely uneducated, I have become extremely rich.
            I am therefore, without doubt, the number one Trougher and unmitigated Chancer in public life today. Not bad eh? Oink Oink!


        • 149
          Concerned and frustrated Constituent says:

          In the 40 years, that Hancock has been in political life in Portsmouth. I cannot remember one thing he has ever achieved. He is always appearing in the local press claiming to be taking up the cudgel on someone’s or something’s behalf, but we never see an outcome. The only achievements that are ever published are how he has persuaded the city council to fill in a pothole etc. He has surrounded himself with Scoundrels and Chancers like himself and whenever the many appalling rumours surface, he always retorts with the phrase ‘prove it.’
          Thank you Guido and the valiant people providing you with the information to expose this crook and let us hope that his party Leader, Nick Clegg, does something about this shameful example of everything that can go wrong in the political system in this country, through lack of proper regulation and control. I am not speaking from any political perspective but as an extremely concerned and frustrated constituent.


          • Portsmouth Society Member says:

            His one achievement, the demolition of a 1960’s iconic building which has been replaced by a car park. If there is anything wrong with the political system in this country, it is personified by Hancock.


  7. 8
    P. Doff says:

    He needs, and deserves, to be on the receiving end of a gang-bang… in Wandsworth nick!


  8. 11
    Handycock says:

    Give me a chance. I know I can make my constituents happy. xxx


  9. 12
    oldpompeygit says:

    Should perjury be added to the long list of allegations?
    Of course it should. See some of the latest comments on the previous Handycock story (eg: 174).

    We’re still waiting for the truth about the police and political persecution of Les Cummings and Mike Austin and for a real enquiry into political corruption in Portsmouth City Council.


    • 70
      Legal pedant says:

      Not wishing to take anything away from Guido’s perfectly justified attempts to nail this remarkably unpleasant MP, the act of perjury can only be committed under oath, ie in a court of law. Until we get this character into a court of law he hasn’t committted perjury. However, let us hope that we reach that stage very soon, when Handcock will have the opportunity to tell his side of the story, accurately or otherwise. It will certainly cheer up many of us to hear that he is heading in that direction.


      • 98
        Hamish Macbeth says:

        “”Until we get this character into a court of law he hasn’t committted perjury””

        Indeed so – I think “pervert the course of justice” is the offence of a false affidavit.
        The offence is unusual in that the “attempt” is also the substansive offence


      • 141
        Q.C. says:

        A sworn affidavit which is what is referred to, is entirely the same as swearing under oath in a Court of Law


    • 74
      Handycock says:

      Come on guys its not that bad it was just a bit of fun with a mentally ill slapper. Its not as if I got her pissed, drove her over a narrow rickety bridge and drowned her.

      Lets keep things in proportion after all a Liberal MP has to enjoy a few perks.



  10. 13
    Handycunt is fucked says:

    What were the darker allegations in the leaflets? Something allegedly about allegedly protecting nonces allegedly?


  11. 15
    concrete pump says:

    More dirty revelations about the spack-toucher. Do you have any idea what her condition was before Hancock’s pervyness acted as a catalyst to her sickness?


  12. 16
    McDoom says:

    I can say I’m a happily bearded man and have never had sex with a married woman. Or any woman.


  13. 17
    Sir William Waad says:

    Don’t you think “Please give me a chance princess” is a terrible line unless you happen to be a trespasser at Gatcombe Park, facing an irate lady with a shotgun?


  14. 19

    If his missus kicks him out he can always move in with Boris.


    • 22
      Hampshire Tory says:

      No chance. I think he is listed as her employer when it comes to her application to be a Pompey Councillor. Can afford to lose all their state funded cash.


    • 47
      Jimmy Cliff says:

      Boris’ pad is already full of children he never knew anything about…


    • 71
      concrete pump says:

      I don’t think that would be a good idea, sometimes Boris can look a bit of a mong, and with Hancock’s track record of touching mongs in their ‘special place’ it could turn out quite sticky.
      I get an image of Boris running to the cop shop clutching his arse and saying, “by jove, Hancock stuck his finger up my bumhole, what”!


      • 105
        It's all Ancient Greek to me and they should know says:

        More likely

        “Crikey !

        τὸ γὰρ ἡδύ, ἐὰν πολύ, οὐ τι γὲ ἡδύ

        Boris did go to Eton!!!


  15. 21
    Hey Mike. Meet Jalmilla says:

    A pity the pervert didn’t harass a Muzbot constituent. Her fanatical family would’ve at least got medieval on his ass, which would be the one and only time we could forgive Muzbot lunacy.


  16. 23

    Leave me alone or I’ll assault you.


  17. 28
    Laney says:

    Can somebody not strike him roughly about the swede?

    I’d do it but fear being sectioned!



  18. 30
    Champagne Socialist says:

    Just what is the problem. I don’t understand?


    • 40
      Bobby Kennedy says:

      Hello Polly

      How’s hubby doing now that he is no longer on the public teat ?

      Off sun bathing in Tuscany on redundancy pay ?


  19. 31
    Gordon Brown says:

    It’s true. He hurt me badly.


  20. 32
    Moaty says:

    Wai ai! Bet yowze wish I was still around, like!


  21. 33
    Ironside says:

    Knee cap the spineless sh*t. Knee cap Alan Johnson and any other fooker who wants to completely cripple the economy.


  22. 41
    Lyric King says:

    There’s a whole lot of chutney going on in the world


  23. 42
    Bobby Kennedy says:

    How long can Hanycock remains in public life ?

    Do you have actually to be caught with in flagrante delicto to be shamed/kicked out of the House of Commons ?


    • 45
      Jack says:

      Has Hancock still got the LibDem Whip ?

      At least Zanu Labour withdrew the Labour Whip from MacShame for less than this …


    • 51
      Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Banjos,Punches, Croquet, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

      Well I’m still living off you mug Taxpayers !!


    • 64
      Croquet Major in Chief says:

      Two shags shagged in his ministerial office and got sent to lords so the answer to your question is…



  24. 46
    I wonder says:

    I don’t suppose this ill victim originally hails from Killcuddlies?


  25. 48
    Moley says:

    Skewer him with the “Sword of truth”.

    (It’s former owner no longer needs it).


    • 65
      Inmate Fletcher says:

      funny that only Tories ever go to jail

      Not saying the person should not have but the fact remains many did far worse and did not but of course they were not Tory.

      that stinks!


  26. 50

    Odious though he may be I wonder if he’d attract the same sort of attention of he looked like Boris, rather than as he does, i.e. an half-mouldy uncooked Fray Bentos pie with couple of peppercorns in it.


  27. 53
    Field Marshal Hague says:

    What’s all this about Dr Focks being a rear-gunner?

    Those “party lifestyle” drunk rumours easily shrugged off when that’s not the party he was into?


  28. 54
    pissed off voter says:

    O/T anyone know what’s happening with unprincipled baroness uddin and her fellow fraudsters. The media seem to be keeping very quiet on the subject. Injunctions? friends in high places? influential colleagues concerned with their own skeletons?


    • 66
      Inmate Fletcher says:

      Please see comment above

      thay are not Tory so will not go to jail or even to court. Trust me don’t hold your breath waiting.


    • 78
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      I thought Uddin had “done nothing wrong” as the lords decided that one day a month was plenty of time in one’s main home.


  29. 57
    Pork Bayonet Practice says:

    When will he fall on his own sword?


  30. 67
    Michael Fallon says:

    I am a “window licker” and proud of it.

    I know it makes sense


  31. 69
    Sir William Waad says:

    I wonder if dear old Jacob Zuma hasn’t got the right idea after all, with his three wives:


    Five hundredweight of woman should be enough for any man, I should have thought, but perhaps after all it’s the thrill of playing away from home that leads them to make asses of themselves?


  32. 75
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    Does this creature drive either a lorry or a van?
    Beard + utility vehicle+LibDem membership= sex offender
    Ian Brady, Myra Hindley and Peter Sutcliffe were all founding members of the SDP
    Think that I am joking?
    Just google it


  33. 76
    Anonymous says:

    “Should perjury be added to the long list of allegations concerning “Handy-cock”?”

    Not at this point.

    Meanwhile, Angela Merkel has become the new poster girl for anyone interested in the truth.


    • 127
      BBC Foreign Affairs Spokesperson says:

      Henceforth A. Merkel to be associated with historical Nazis at any opportunity and her words closely analysed for any similarity with groups of words used 65-75 years ago.


  34. 79
    Simple Maths says:

    Kick out scotland = Labour finished


  35. 84
    Martin Day says:

    Guido, could you enlighten me as to whether Ed Miliband will be attending the Rally against Cuts in London tomorrow ?



  36. 89
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    Having been in prison and having had the chance to look at nonces close up whilst delivering their food and laundry (pre pissied upon)
    I can safely say that Mr Handoncock ticks every nonce box

    Shifty eyes
    Ill fitting clothes
    Stupid smile
    Smells of piss and BO
    Probably wears glasses and collects model trains/cars
    Huge collection of 1980’s porno mags
    Holidays in belgium or Holland where he can rape children
    Urinates in his own mouth whilst bathing
    Subscribes to bisexual websites
    In short a typical LibDem


  37. 103
    Cast Iron Red Ed 'I will attend the rally definetly' says:

    Oh is it that day you are having your Union protest

    ..Oh dear that clashes with me doing my hair Soreeee can’t come anymore


  38. 106
    Cast Iron Red Ed 'I will attend the rally definetly' says:


    you losing your touch or what?

    Crosshairs on Udden????? All the rage at the moment


  39. 112
    Jimmy says:

    Amazing what some people think they can get away with in affidavits isn’t it?


  40. 114
    Hermann Goering's silk dressing gown with embroidered Nazi Eagle motif says:

    Hancock’s personal friend DS Nicola Turton of Fareham Police heroically arrested Les Cummings, a user of a walking stick at his home, almost single handed.

    All she had to assist her with the dangerous semi cripple were two of the biggest drooling mongs in Ampshire Constabulary.
    Rather irritatingly no evidence of pedo activity was found on Mr Cummings’ PC.

    If Mr Cummings is correct in his allegations about Hancock’s personal and professional life as a Portsmouth City Councillor, I trust DS Turton will be asked to explain herself.
    There must be at least one senior officer in Portsmuff/Fareham police who isn’t connected to the Masons, surely?

    Makes me proud of the boys and gals in blue it does


    • 116
      fuck the establishment says:

      And screw them over for good measure.


    • 119
      Bent Portsmouth City Councillor says:

      Whey hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      You got nothing on me Georing, all those contracts for waste management and the contract for the Fratton traffic management scheme back in 2000 were watertight baby.

      You got proof go to the DA baby


    • 120
      R.McGeddon says:

      I like that posting.

      It’s kind of vignette about the Cummings and Goerings of modern day Hampshire….


    • 129
      I prey on attractive retards says:

      Your card’s marked son


    • 131
      1/100 says:

      The character / sockpuppet you have adopted, needs refining to be completely readable. No amount of refining will make it funny however.


    • 139
      Be Fair Now.... says:

      I fucking like this commentator at least he/she makes a thought out contribution instead of your snarky mcsnide comments you boring bastard 133.


    • 143
      Grand Master, Phoenix Lodge, Portsmouth says:

      Most unlikely.


  41. 117
    Absolute sheer fraud says:

    said Baroness Uddin should repay £125,349 “to which she was not entitled” – saying claims were “made wrongly and in bad faith” – and be suspended until the end of the current parliamentary session, around Easter 2012. The report suggested she did not have the means to repay the money.

    Her claims were also investigated by the Metropolitan Police earlier this year but no charges were brought.

    The Labour peer and donor Lord Paul “freely admitted” he never spent a night at the one-bedroom flat in Oxfordshire he designated as his “main residence”, the report said.

    Because they are peers they are being treated differently to you and I. They must be charged with fraud.


    • 128
      Rolf Harris' Colon Polyp says:

      No those two have another common demoninator

      Can you guess what it is yet?


    • 136
      A liitle person asks says:

      Perhaps the MET or Director of public Prosecutions could explain to us mere mortals, at which point WOULD conduct such as this become criminal fraud ? I am a simple soul and so far we have deception, lies, fabricated documentation to support such deception and material gain to the tune of £125,349 as a result of that deception and lies, so prey tell whats missing exactly ?


  42. 118
    Mark Oaten says:

    Mike’s in deep shit.


  43. 122
    Baroness Uddin says:

    No! I won’t pay back anything! I done nothing wrong! Goodness gracious me! Bud bud.


  44. 123
    The Sheriff of Tottingham says:

    I am glad that my honky tonk text messages are not reproduced on order-order


  45. 134
    Anonymous says:

    He looks not unlike the chap in today’s Daily Mail whose little contatemps is reported under the headline

    ” ‘Brogue rogue’ pervert pensioner who used tiny camera in his shoe to film up teenagers’ skirts”


    I wonder if they are perhaps related?


  46. 144
    Lord Red Mike the Nonce of Fratton says:

    This whole business is ridiculous. Of course I perjured myself. I am a politician. innit?


  47. 148
    General Melchard says:

    Now I know Mike you read this before you go to bed and cuddle your Teddy Bear
    so think of this tomorow you can have a double whammy two more things for you to think about.


  48. 151
    Admiral Nelson says:

    > B-7

    Shite! You got my aircraft carrier.

    > D-2

    Oh no. It’s my missile cruiser.


  49. 152

    There was uproar yesterday after Portsmouth City Council rejected a Standards Board complaint as regards Mike Hancock’s text messages to a vulnerable woman.

    The council said that any such move would be sub judicial.

    A separate complaint against Hancock’s wife Jacqui is however still ongoing.

    Conservative Group Leader on the council Steve Wemyss is said to be fuming and still calling for Hancock’s suspension from duties until inquiries or a court case is complete.

    No surprise that the Portsmouth News have also purposely failed to cover the texts.

    When I spoke to the Political Editor yesterday asking why I was given exactly the same reason.

    Talk about licking his arse – they’ll be wiping it up for him next!


  50. 154
    Editor Portsmouth News says:

    We have not and will not publish anything controversial against Mike Hancock CBE MP. There are a number of reasons for this.
    He has us in his pocket and we have been there for a long time.
    He will sue us. (Oh no he won’t now Les Cummings has called his bluff)
    He and I are members of the same Lodge.


  51. 157

    Meanwhile back at the Portsmouth News normal service has resumed with any comments openly critical of Mr. Hancock and Gerald Vernon Jackson completely deleted.

    Communist twats!



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