October 7th, 2010

+ + Source : Red Ed Calling Around Telling Candidates What Jobs They’re Getting + +


253 Comments

  1. 1
    bandersnatch says:

    Come on Guido! Spill some beans. Give us a name…

  2. 2
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Mandelson’s back!

  3. 3
    Ed Balls says:

    I just got off the phone with Red Ed, apparently he wants me to fuck off.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    baba cheech

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    This is what Dave means by “Big Society”.

    “Now police are ordered to protect ‘Doggers’ indulging in outdoor sex with strangers from hate crime”

    “It states that the new policy applies to all police dealing with ‘public sex environments’, adding that the policy aims to ‘improve our effectiveness and the quality of service provided by the police service when policing public sex environments’ to ensure a ‘consistent, well managed, proportionate and professional approach to public sex environments’ is taken by officers.
    It states that ‘human rights of all citizens’ must be protected and that the policy covers ‘any open space, public or private that is habitually used for the purpose of engaging in consensual same sex and opposite sex, sexual activity’, including public toilets.”

  6. 6
    Stephen Byers says:

    I’m for hire

  7. 7
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    … in Mandelson’s back?

  8. 8
    Big Brother says:

    Oi!

  9. 9
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    All I wanted was a taxi … oh!

  10. 10
    The last quango in paris says:

    Is mcdonalds recruiting?

  11. 11
    Elliot Morley says:

    Red Ed wants me to be prisons minister, I shall report from the inside

  12. 12
    Ed Balls says:

    I am in charge of Gordon’s Soda Stream

  13. 13
    Yvette says:

    Don’t we all, Ed. Don’t we all…

  14. 14
    Gordon's Nurse says:

    Oh, you’ve set him off again, Nokia’s are flying all over the place !!!!!!!!

  15. 15
    Al says:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/8048230/Doggers-should-be-protected-from-hate-crime-police-told.html

    Have the police gone completely mad? Come on Cameron, get a grip on this Cultural Marxism FFS!

  16. 16
    Bevanite KY Jelly says:

    Red Ed has appointed me as his bitch without portfolio.

  17. 17
    The last quango in paris says:

    Ha ha – khan can be expenses tsar – ainsworth as shadow chancellor apparently his budget skills are amazing

  18. 18
    George Michael says:

    Excellent news. When I get out I’m off down Hampstead Heath and then the public bogs.

  19. 19
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    Must make you feel safer if so, Anonymong.

  20. 20
    Sue Tzuzir says:

    “David, brother Ed here, will you come and play in my shadow cabinet? You can be uhm, arh, I know “climate change” secretary!”

    “Gee, thanks for that brother, but I have some genital warts that need removing and I need some time off to recover. About 5 years should do.”

  21. 21
    Dianne Abbott says:

    I am minister for morbidly obese black womens rights, private schools, hypocrisy, and taxis.

  22. 22
    Fizzy Orange says:

    take me to your leader

  23. 23
    CallMeDave says:

    We’re all having sex together.

    It’s the Big Sex Party Society.

    Make love not war, your country needs YOU!

  24. 24
    McGroom says:

    I’m hearing Ed Balls is Shadow Culture Secretary

  25. 25
    Bob Ainsworth says:

    Budgie skills

  26. 26
    CallMeDave - Sex Czar says:

    Come on Guido, spill some jizz.

    We’re all in this together.

  27. 27
    Steve Miliband says:

    … Gordon, have you seen my Nokia anywhere?

  28. 28
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    Known for short as R&P.

  29. 29
    Charlie Whelan says:

    I can confirm that Jack Dromey has been appointed Peter Mandelson

  30. 30
    GN says:

    The Frankfurt Schools agenda to destroy Britain is still going strong under the Tories.

    Here’s a look at where we’re heading:

  31. 31
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Minister for Watersports.

  32. 32
    gildedtumbril says:

    JOBS? Do we not mean jobbies? All those braindead bastards, each and every one of them could not run a proverbial ‘Piss-up in a brewery’ or, a whelk stall, with or without the whelks. None of them has ever worked for a living, nor intends to. They are leeches. They are bloody parasites, totally without skill or even average intellect. Incidentally, only the equally braindead would vote for the disgusting bastards. I confess I am not too awfully fond of them.

  33. 33
    Willie Vague says:

    Is Harriet giving it him up the backdoor with a strap-on?

  34. 34
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Shadow Minister o fArts.

  35. 35
    Engineer says:

    Can the Police join in, or do they have to go off duty first?

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    This is what Dave mean’s by “Big Society”. Next when a pedo shows his thing to a girl /boy, girl / boy will be arrested for screaming.

  37. 37
    Sadiq Khunt says:

    If I don’t get a top job, I’ll call him ray cyst.

  38. 38
    Anonymous says:

    Nest of vipers the lot of them.Couldn’t care less.

  39. 39
    lmao says:

    Yeah, but the BBC still love em.

  40. 40
    Sadiq Khan says:

    If Red Ed offers me the ministry of gayers my constituents will stone me!

  41. 41
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m waiting by the phone. Because it’s the right thing to do.

  42. 42
    dhimmified khaffir says:

    OK, you can be minister for fiddling expenses.

  43. 43
    Margaret Beckett says:

    Can I be shadow minister for hanging baskets?

  44. 44
    Peter Tatchell's willy warmer says:

    you can always stonewall him

  45. 45
    Marrk Oatenn says:

    Golden Showers is alright but I prefer the solid stuff.

  46. 46
    Groucho says:

    Absolutely crazy. I thought sex in a public place was a criminal offence?

    That’s what the officer said to me, anyway.

  47. 47
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Balls = children schools etc
    Burnham = Health
    cooper = shadow chancerllor

  48. 48
    Christ on a fucking bike says:

    Red Ed looks almost as mongtastic in that photo as McDoom. I stress almost, as no one can look as mongy as Jonah Brown.

  49. 49
    Chief Constable Fuckwit says:

    Perverts have human rights too, you know. Call them nasty names and you’re nicked.

  50. 50
    Martin Day says:

    I’m hearing that Bob Crow will be Shadow Foreign Secretary.

    A wise appointment

  51. 51
    JK says:

    Are there any jobs for Vince Cable and Simon Hughes?

  52. 52
    Margaret Moran's Snatch says:

    I’ve been appointed shadow cabinet office as I’m cavernous with mock Tudor beams

  53. 53
    Jez says:

    “Mister” is a great book. Essential reading IMO

  54. 54
    Engineer says:

    Culture, Meedja and Sport could be shadowed by Lard Prescott. Actually, several departments could be shadowed simultaneously by Lard Prescott if he stood between them and the sun.

  55. 55
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Let us hold a “Be Nice to Ed Balls Second”, just to show we can be charitable.

    OK, well done! Thanks guys, back to normal again.

  56. 56
    Long-odds suicidal gambler says:

    Hmm – D. Miliband for shadow Foreign Secretary might be worth a oner.

  57. 57
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    O/T That picture freaks me out the same as Gordons did !!!!!!

  58. 58
    Maximus says:

    WhereTF did you get that picture Fawkes — the face of Big Brother?

    Imagine that staring at you everywhere you went, on every wall in your home, as mandated by Big Brother. It would drive you insane.

  59. 59
    Lord Kinnoch of Gravy Train says:

    I’ve got my party back, well ALRIGHT!!!

  60. 60
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Lord Mandleson = Leader of the Lords

  61. 61
    Gonk says:

    Please God, nothing for Peter Hain
    and Alun Michael.
    The combination of the colour sludge
    and perpetual whining voice. I’ve been feeling so
    much better lately as well.

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    That is before “Big Society”; now sex in private is an offence.

  63. 63
    Engineer says:

    I thought you were the one with the dry rot problem? Why you needed £20,000 of taxpayers’ money to alleviate that problem I don’t know – a tube of KY jelly would have done.

  64. 64
    Wiliam Hill says:

    Yvette Cooper has got the job of Shadow Chancellor

    Get your cash on quick

  65. 65
    If I was prime minister, I would do the following says:

    1. Deport all muzbots who are fanatical preachers or benefit scroungers. Only those who are working, can speak english and are willing to integrate can stay.

    2. Ban the face veil.

    3. Disclose all the relevant files so that Blair, Campbell, Straw, Miliband D, Hoon, Mandelson and Brown are put on trial for war crimes.

    4. Have a separate prosecution against Brown for his crime of underfunding our forces, thereby causing their deaths.

    5. Deport all benefit scroungers who’ve lived here continuously without doing a single day’s work the entire time they’ve lived here.

    6. Make the penalty for rape, child abuse and murder an automatic whole life tariff.

  66. 66
    Sleepless in Kirkaldy says:

    Surely she won’t want to give up all the media money oops I mean profile

  67. 67
    TheE17Tory says:

    The advice should read; “if they give you any trouble, you know where to put that trucheon”

  68. 68
    Engineer says:

    Leader of the Ladies, perhaps.

  69. 69
    Andy says:

    WTF!!

    “Now police are ordered to protect ‘Doggers’ indulging in outdoor sex with strangers from hate crime

    Police have been ordered to stop anyone taking in part in illegal outdoor sex being abused or verbally taunted as it can cause them to suffer post traumatic stress.”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1318499/Doggers-indulging-outdoor-sex-protected-victimisation.html#ixzz11ghP6M17

  70. 70
    Defaecit says:

    But shadows are not solid.

  71. 71
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “improve .. the quality of service provided by the police service”

    So the police force is still a police ‘service’ under this ‘new’ government.

    Hey, ho.

  72. 72

    Sadiq Khan for Shadow Foreign Secretary

  73. 73
    Bob's Crowing says:

    Nice one, comrade. I’m an expert in doing fuck all.

  74. 74
    Groucho says:

    A ‘Shadow’ job is pretty meaningless, isn’t it? No requirement to deliver anything now or for many years in the future. Spout any old rubbish and nobody cares. As divorced from reality as the ‘working’ lives of these muppets were before they entered Parliament.

    Bearing the above in mind, who gives a shit about these appointments?

  75. 75
    Plod says:

    You won’t change us so easily.

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    Tough. Gordon sold it all.

  77. 77
    Engineer says:

    Unless you’re an honourable member…

  78. 78
    Engineer says:

    Depends who they’re servicing.

  79. 79
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Baroness Uddin = Housing minister

  80. 80
    Rowan Williams says:

    London Muslim for Bishop

  81. 81
    Booyakasha says:

    I wonder if Red Ed has the guts to appoint Fat Bott to the shadow cabinet. I doubt it. Even he’s not stupid enough to give Mrs Riiice and da Peeeas a job.

  82. 82
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Jack Dromey = Minister for Private Buisness

  83. 83
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Paul Flynn= Armed forces minster

  84. 84
    DoggerWatch says:

    Is shouting “Go, big boy, go!!” classed as a taunt or abuse? If so, I may have to take up trainspotting.

  85. 85
    Gordon Brown says:

    I like to jerk my own chicken. Isn’t that right, nurse?

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    When Dave says “Country Needs You”; hope he isn’t inviting people to the country side to have sex in the out doors.

  87. 87
    Groucho says:

    Shadowy Housing Minister

  88. 88
    concrete pump says:

    Ed looks like a googly-eyed flid, who’s been kicked off the ‘sunshine bus’ for molesting other mongs.

  89. 89
    Lord Buoys says:

    Dear me. They could lose their hardons.

  90. 90
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Del Pioro = minister for suckin Eds wood

  91. 91
    Gary Glitter says:

    You bet!

  92. 92
    Engineer says:

    He’d have to give her two seats in the Shadow Cabinet. Minister for Food and Education, perhaps?

  93. 93
    GrimeLord says:

    Who votes for the shadow cabinet? Is it MPs? If so it seems starnge that MPs who mainly supported Milli D then get to chose who will be in the shadow cabinet under Milli E!

  94. 94
    Spank Sinatra says:

    No – but Westminster Abbey needs a new gargoyle.

  95. 95
    James ( Common Purpose ) Rennie says:

    Yes it’s shocking that ordinary hard perving child molesters have been victimised and discriminated against for far too long. Where are our Human Rights?

  96. 96
    Cottaging Czar says:

    All incidents to be video’d and sent to me

  97. 97

    Jeez.. just turned on ‘show images’. Wish I hadn’t.

  98. 98
    Jack Dromey says:

    This election was a crushing defeat for The Tories and Liberal Democrats and I have a full head of hair.

  99. 99
    Court of Public Opinion says:

    Red Ed is a fucking boss-eyed mong.

    Nearly as embarrassing as Brown.

  100. 100
    Cockney Christian says:

    Does that mean he’s running for Mayor of London?

  101. 101
    A Passing Badger says:

    It’s good enough for me.

  102. 102
    Smig says:

    Didn’t get the basket job, eh? Why the long face?

  103. 103
    bandersnatch says:

    Interestingly, or not, one of the most famous dogging sites in central England used to be near the village of Dean where Diamond Dave now lives… Not a lot of people know that…

  104. 104
    Pete Van Helsing says:

    Don’t you have to get on your knees facing east around this time of day to worship some dead kiddy fiddler sky pixie?

  105. 105

    Toilet cleaner and toilet loiterer, respectively. Job creation, innit.

  106. 106
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Fuckin Freaky or what ?????

  107. 107
    Spank Sinatra says:

    I have some magic beans – can I have your cow please?

  108. 108
    Number 10's cat says:

    They’re welcome to join in, as long as they wash their truncheon first

  109. 109
    Groucho says:

    She can’t return to ‘This Week’ soon enough, in my opinion. Watching Brillo rip the p*ss out of her each week is top entertainment and licence fee money well spent.

  110. 110
    Smig says:

    Harsh. But fair.

  111. 111
    Smig says:

    Did he arm them instead of fingering them?

  112. 112
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Kieth Vaz= minister for immigration

  113. 113
    Selohesra says:

    Special position for you ‘Shadow Minister for F’ing things up’

  114. 114
    Ed ( Special Needs ) Milimarx says:

    I resent that awfully accurate remark.

  115. 115

    It was a £20K tube of KY. She has the scanned/photoshopped/re-printed receipt from a non-existent local chemist to prove it.

  116. 116
    Number 10's cat says:

    So that explains the coach load of pensioners I saw hurtling down the M4 this morning

  117. 117
    Nurse Botha says:

    Yes , darlin . When we let you out of your straitjacket , you is ever so expressive with your hands .

  118. 118
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Shadow Minister for pies: Lard prescott
    Shadow Minister for wars wars more wars they make me a fortune: Bliar
    Shadow Minister for massage parlours & contemplation suites: Ed Balls
    Shadow Minister for rentboys: Mandy
    Shadow Minister for midget chipmunks: Blears
    Shadow Minister for whoring for Hoonwork: Geoff Hoon
    Shadow Minister for economic affairs: Bruin
    Shadow Minister for sexiness and all that is beautiful in the world: Beckett

  119. 119
    fruitcake says:

    I agree, who let him that close to a camera?

  120. 120
    Fur Balls says:

    Yvette Cooper? Useless. Good news. So this is the New generation? The same old tripe like last time. So Red ‘Ead will never see his party in power. Ah Bliss.

  121. 121

    I’m afraid I refused to join in. I read today he wanted to ensure schools didn’t produce ‘winners’ – something to do with his socialist grey-goo egalitarian utopia. I thought my hatred of him was as strong as it could possibly be, but I now realise I was wrong.

  122. 122
    Ben 'buggering' Bradshaw MP: ex BBC cunt, and right on massive arse-bandit of socialisms says:

    Oh please Joo boy give me a job, I’ll rant on demand for you Joo boy

  123. 123
    13eastie says:

    I doubt that.

    Girl / boy wins that one in the end…

    Transsexuality trumps paedophilia on the ZaNuLab PC scale (but only just).

  124. 124
    Serving Together in the National Interest says:

    You’ve got the wrong guy making the phone call………”David, Dave here,I wonder if you could drop into Downing Street when you’ve got a minute?I think I have a really exciting proposition to put to you. It would be something of great service to your country…..and is something above party politics ……….”

  125. 125
    Court of Public Opinion says:

    ‘Brillo’ is seriously overestimated.

    He could have legitimately stuck it to the vermin Labour bastards on so many occasions and for so many reasons over the last decade. He chose not to.

    If he’s such a wonderful presenter and a national treasure (ugh) to the political twaterati you would have thought the guy would at least own a pair.

  126. 126
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    1 = Yes

    2 = No , The state should never tell anyone how they dress

    3= Yes

    4= yes

    5 = Does that include the long term sick ( i mean the genuine ones)

    6= Only if they can prove that 1 innocent person will never be wrongly convicted

  127. 127
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Was it Sue ?

  128. 128
    Wallace says:

    More cheese Gromit!

  129. 129

    Yes, it is.

    Thick, geeky, no personality.. Why did they vote for him as leader?

    Oh, yeah, I forgot..

  130. 130

    Sadiq Khan for Belmarsh, more like – the crooked terrorist-loving hoon.

  131. 131
    Martin Luther Thingy says:

    I have a dream …………..

  132. 132
    It's where we put the "awkward squad" who have to be given a shadow cabinet job says:

    Shadow Minister for International Development

  133. 133
    Anonymous says:

    Hanging MPs? yes.

  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    Hope this is not the reason he lives there!

  135. 135
    Sally, Sally I shag down any alley says:

    So am I

  136. 136
    Anonymous says:

    sky pixie? did u make that one up urself numbnutzz

  137. 137
    Moaty says:

    Sue Sim? That bitch who allowed her officers to use weapons not officially sanctioned for use by bumbling plod in the United Kingdom?

  138. 138
    Number 10's cat says:

    That’s choke your chicken Gordon

  139. 139
    Holborn Viaduct says:

    @ 6 – we’ll need more prison space.

  140. 140

    Nah – Ben Bradshaw has topped you with his b*ggery skills.

    Next!

  141. 141
    Fur Balls says:

    Uuurgh! That pic is enormous. Uugh.

  142. 142
    The Inquisition says:

    London Muslim = Sadiq Khan

    I claim my £5.

  143. 143
    Crystal Balls Gazing says:

    Labour will return to power eventually in say 10 years but “Red Ed” won’t be leader.It will be someone who is presently below the radar or not even in parliament yet.

  144. 144

    I will be unveiling my team for next Ryder Cup Matches (to be played at Harvard University) this evening.

    Please join Sarah and me at Number 10 where I will be making the announcement and reading extracts from my memoirs, “Celtic Courage”.

  145. 145

    All those fact finding trips to Cuba will be a blessed relief to Mrs Crow, as it gives her arsehole time to relax…

  146. 146
    concrete pump says:

    I think it would be perfect for a dart board. Though with modern materials technology, you could quite easily have that photo made up into a waterproof decal that you could stick to the bowl of any toilet…

  147. 147
    Fur Balls says:

    Eddie Izzard Shadow Minister for really dumb celebrities who support Labour.
    Has anyone else noticed that more and more Slebs are coming out in support for the tories eh Coalition? Ha ha ha !

  148. 148
    angelnstar says:

    http://cyberboris.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/breaking-news-boris-used-slave-labour-at-50p-an-hour/

    Scandal breaks! Boris used slave labour at 50p. an hour for extended period.

  149. 149

    More Goldstein than Big Brother, surely?

    Two minutes hate would be far too short for the marxist c’unt though….

  150. 150
    Holborn Viaduct says:

    Shadow Minister for travellers and other pikey riff-raff: C. Flint

  151. 151
  152. 152
    don't hit me! says:

    Your bitter experience of being on the end of similar treatment shines through!

  153. 153
    Me so horny says:

    How much for sucky sucky?

  154. 154
    Colonel Blimp. says:

    Don’t they get paid more?

  155. 155
    Thought Police says:

    Ah…. A candidate for the Labour front bench.

  156. 156
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ll meet you soon. I’m in a padded room right now talking to my friend, Mr Hat.

  157. 157
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Both of them.

  158. 158

    No, he is going to be ‘The Shadows and Culture Club Secretary.’
    Its a job at a music promoters.

  159. 159
    Thought Police says:

    10 dollar…… 20 dollar me mah sister too.

  160. 160

    Agreed, Billy, except for no. 6 – there’s always the possibility of a remedy to miscarriages of justice so long as you are alive, and though prison isn’t fun, it’s better than death.

    I’d add

    7) Remove the extra housing points for single mothers unless they can prove that they were in a genuine realtionship (by having lived with their partner for at least 2 years) prior to their single status.

  161. 161
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    A lunar eclipse, one might say.

  162. 162

    You are Nick G*riffin and I claim my €500 one way trip to Somalia

  163. 163
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Well, if he could not be a winner, he would not want anyone else to be.

  164. 164

    Surely Droney should be shadow minister for wimmins shortlists?

  165. 165
    Applauding great comedy says:

    Absolutely brilliant!

  166. 166
    Mr Hat says:

    Get lost you country wrecking C U N T.

  167. 167

    LOL CP – time for ‘little yellow bus’ again…

  168. 168
    Mohammed Miliband says:

    ANOTHER LONG LOST BROTHER

  169. 169
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Shit i read it wrong , I thought death pen was written to no 6 , i agree with six

  170. 170
    Marcus Aurelius says:

    tory = big Society
    zanuliebore = big brither society
    libdim = “high” society

  171. 171
    Airlie Belvoir says:

    Bollocks. Brillo is the best political inquisitor in the business, all joviality until he slips the knife in with forensic skill. Always well briefed, always better informed than the hapless politicians wriggling desperately on his hook. And best of all, he has a day job, is a freelancer and not beholden to the entrenched left-wing groupthink infesting the BBC, who know that he could walk tomorrow to Sky or Channel 4 if he is ever leant on. Go Brillo!

  172. 172
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    And i agree with 7

  173. 173

    Lmao – Boris is my sort of age, and 50p per hour was plenty to pay a bint for ironing back in the early 80s…

  174. 174
    Nurse Botha says:

    Is that for real ?? The picture of “victim Rachel” looks suspiciously like Boris in his glam-rock phase .

  175. 175
    Barbara Woodhouse says:

    Throw a bucket of cold water over them.

  176. 176
    concrete pump says:

    Classic!

  177. 177
    Gordon Brown says:

    You’re a bigot, Mr Hat. Just wait till I get my Nokia back. They’ve confiscated it from me.

  178. 178
    George Galloway says:

    I like muzees. They should be running the country.

  179. 179
    Airlie Belvoir says:

    Post-coital stress, surely?

  180. 180
    the last quango in paris says:

    This Miliband sage is now almost reaching biblical proportions You Reap What you Sow – Red Ed is going to be hounded into marriage and every second of it scrutinised – his brother will probably emigrate – meanwhile he has to manage a shadow cabinet of dysfunc tional toddlers all sniping at each other -meanwhile the country agrees with the coalition.

    Red Ed will then have to suffer when the Unions throw their toys out of the cot when they strke when told they have to work for a living.

    Then in Reap what you sow part 2 – ed balls who put his career before his wifes with his pointless contest for leader will have the chancellors position taken from him

  181. 181
    Eeeew says:

    Actually looks suspiciously like Sarah McDoom.

  182. 182
    I really need a bit of 'ows your father says:

    Its so bloody annoying that they cant tell you exactly where these dogging sites are.

  183. 183
    Nursie says:

    Come now, Gordon. You were doing so well. We had got you to accept you lost the election in May. We were all very pleased with your progress. Now we don’t want a relapse again, do we?

  184. 184
    gildedtumbril says:

    To hell with whole life tariff.Capital punishment is a fine thing. It is definitely efficaceous in persuading very naughty people not to reoffend, even the ones who were not guilty. And it saves an awful lot of money.

  185. 185
    Goody Goody says:

    Absolutely. And it’ll make for great entertainment for those of us who despise Labour.

  186. 186

    Ah, now I see!

    I still hate him, though.

  187. 187
    gildedtumbril says:

    Jack drongo should be shadow minister for pigshit, he is full of it. And a boring bastard to boot. He needs booting.

  188. 188
    caesars wife says:

    breaking news : Fabian solutions is leaving telegraph bloggs (you read it here second) ! see dan hannan blogg , must be getting a cabinet job , but one of best whiney loser post by champion of socialism I have yet seen , liked the menace at end , pure wonderkind with toys removed , Time for bed Fabian solutions , time for bed.
    the spnners spinners has been slayed

  189. 189
    Hugh Jarse says:

    Gordon, please don’t refer to your cock as a chicken and if you’re going to do it agin please grab a box of tissue’s first.

  190. 190
    My evil twin. says:

    I imagine Ed Balls will be Shadow Minister For The Wicked And Malicious Department.

  191. 191
    caesars wife says:

    you mean the lizards are new gneration waiting to infest burned out labour husk ! not bad as conspiracy theories go

  192. 192
    Lib, Lab, Con - go to hell says:

    Don’t be selfish. Share the hate!

  193. 193
    Mike Hunt says:

    Not yet born would be better.

  194. 194
    Panto Producer says:

    If Yvette doesn’t get the job she welcome to star as Peter Pan in my next panto. This offer does not apply to her husband. However there could be a part for him in the remake of “Downfall”

  195. 195
    The Ape Man Commeth says:

    Agree with Airlie, he’s the best we’ve got by a country mile.

  196. 196
    Guido says:

    Bob Crow, general secretary of the Rail Maritime and Transport union, described the latest job cuts as ” fucking savagery”, adding: “This underlines the deepening fucking crisis LU is in.

    “This is yet another fucking tranche of fucking job losses even before LU’s wider review is finished and comes ahead of the fucking Government’s spending review announcement later this month.

    “This is very much the thin end of the fucking wedge and underlines how fucking right we are to challenge the job cuts.”

    “Milwall Football Club for the Cup”

  197. 197
    Proud Pikey says:

    We do not want to be represented by Worzel Gummidge in knickers

  198. 198
    Who's been a naughty boy then says:

    “A man who harassed BBC newsreader Fiona Bruce by sending her “love messages” has been detained in hospital under mental health laws.

    Messages from Peter Oakey referred to Ms Bruce as “my beautiful firebird”.

    Ms Bruce was “distressed” by cards signed “your kingfisher and loving husband”, sent by Oakey, 51, from Brentwood, Essex.

    Judge John Lodge ordered him to be detained in hospital.

    Psychiatrists who carried out tests said Oakey was mentally ill and suffering from “persistent delusional disorder”.

    He had “delusions of passion” and believed that Bruce loved him and he loved her, the judge heard.

    Oakey felt that doctors were part of a “covenant” against him, the court heard.

    Cards to her were inscribed with the words, “I love you Fiona my beautiful firebird”, and were signed, “Your kingfisher and loving husband Peter”.

    On at least one card he had also written: “Time to get down and attend to business.””

  199. 199
    Budget Panto Producer, Pump House, Watford says:

    They can fight for the head/arse end of our panto horse if they want the work.

  200. 200
    Breaking News... says:

    “A barrister who was shot by police marksmen following a five-hour armed stand-off in west London was lawfully killed, an inquest jury has found.

    The siege began after Mark Saunders, 32, fired shots from his home in Markham Square, Chelsea, on 6 May 2008.

    The Westminster Coroner’s Court jury found the actions of the officers were lawful, proportionate and reasonable.

    But the coroner said he would make recommendations as there were doubts as to who was in charge of the marksmen.

    Following the verdict the barrister’s widow, Elizabeth Saunders, said: “I respect the verdict of a jury who have carefully considered all the evidence.””

  201. 201

    As Martin Boringmann?

  202. 202
    Gordon Brown says:

    No. I’m the big prime minister man and can do as I please.

  203. 203
    Carer from Day Centre says:

    Ed doesn’t have time for another job. He’s too busy colouring in his pictures.

  204. 204
    Budget Panto Producer, Pump House, Watford says:

    We’re recruiting for the Christmas season. He’ll have to tone his language down though – can’t be scaring the kids etc.

  205. 205
    Mrs Thatcher's balls of of iron in velvet knickers. says:

    Who is this scrotum Balls who is soon to be a eunoch? I could do with a new pair earrings.
    I demand to know when this teenage boy Red Ed has given the country a Shadow Cabinet that reflects this New Generation Labour ideology.
    Why am I being forced to share a room with Gordon Brown? Nurse.

  206. 206
    Red Ed - the Union Manchurian Candidate says:

    Shahid Malik is the best man for the Shadow Foreign Secretary. He’s the new, improved Vaz.

  207. 207
    CallMeDave says:

    You’ll do as you are told. Don’t forget we are all in this together.

  208. 208
    Yvette's GP says:

    Pennillin should clear up that culture

  209. 209
    oldrightie says:

    You must be ‘avin a larf! Blinky is to culture what Satan is to fire!

  210. 210

    The Schadenfreude Institute regrets that Ms Bruce was sent these note, The patient, known only as “Oakey” has now been restrained and will be taken back to the secure unit for further treatment.

    On a more positive note he no longer believes he is still prime Minister and is waiting happily for his telephone call to become chancellor.

    A member of staff will phone him later to give him the good news and present him with a broken calculator, some old Francs, Marks and Lira .. monopoly money and a purse containing some pre decimilisation coinage.
    We hope that this, combined with his Ben 10 mobile phone with action sounds, will keep him busy for several weeks.

    Dr Kwang-Go
    Schadenfreude Institute
    Berkeley
    CA 90210

  211. 211
    Turkey baster says:

    Mandelson’s in the Lords, we will never rid of him.

    On the plus side, because he hasn’t got a woman pregnant, there won’t be any mini-Mandy’s running around for a future seat in the Lords.

  212. 212
    13eastie says:

    Red Ed was Climate Change Secretary when the whole Labour front bench subscribed to the 10:10 Campaign:

    Sony is a major partner of the 10:10 campaign.

    Here is an extract from a recent press release on Sony’s website:

    "Sony believes that it had no other option than to also
    condemn the video in the strongest possible terms and Sony
    is disassociating itself from 10:10 at this time..."

    Sony’s faith seems to have been shaken rather by getting to know Franny Armstrong and her fascist climate alarmist friends a little better.

    Red Ed still thinks it’s okay to carry out summary execution of child thought criminals in a classroom.

    Red Ed will be judged by the company he keeps.

    You can email the press office at O2 to ask why they have not yet withdrawn their major support for the 10:10 campaign using the address given here.

  213. 213
    Plod says:

    OK guv. Bend over then.

  214. 214
    Plod says:

    Who’s left a gap ‘ere then?

  215. 215
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Honourable members can’t be seen when they are busy

  216. 216
    Who's been a naughty boy then says:

    “Ben 10 mobile phone with action sounds”

    LOL! That was inspired!

  217. 217
    Plod says:

    Hope this is not a racist foodstuff reference or you are nicked sooner than you can say pumpkin soup.

  218. 218
    Andy Gray says:

    Ed looks like a cornershop-keeper in that photo. Wouldn’t trust him even to run one of those, though …

  219. 219

    Yep, moniker – that’s why I phrased it that way.

  220. 220
    Gordon Brown says:

    I will not be rushed into making these crucial appointments, except to say that La la, Po and Mr Tickle deserve this opportunity.

  221. 221
    Elizabeth Saunders says:

    You misquoted me. What I actually said was, “I respect the verdict of a jury who have carefully considered all the evidence and he was crap in the bedroom, anyway.”

  222. 222
    Ad Lib says:

    What’s more Red Ed is now undermining his “we won’t oppose every cut” claim and saying that “all families” need assistance from the state.

    http://adlib-dibdib.blogspot.com/2010/10/ed-shoring-up-red-credentials.html

    Enjoy opposition.

  223. 223
    wtf! says:

    Fuck off.

  224. 224

    The cafe on the Hogsback between Aldershot and Guildford is notorious, but the gayers don’t like the normal doggers turning up so the council’s trying to stop it completely.

  225. 225

    Sorry, CW, but it’s the Izzards who will take over the Liebour Party of Sodom.

  226. 226
    P. Doff says:

    Then castrate ‘em… the cold water will numb the pain!

  227. 227

    In, or at Berkley, Bill?

  228. 228
    P. Doff says:

    Insert “revol” for “crui” and the answer is yes!

  229. 229
    Anonymous says:

    ” Issued by Association of Chief Police Officers of Scotland ” oh yeah that would be the Tories then ???

  230. 230
    P. Doff says:

    Or perhaps just “vol”

  231. 231
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    I should think so. You would have got extras for that as well.

  232. 232

    Fuck’em – I’m going to drive all day on Sunday and if I can find some coal then I’m having a fire.

    The lights and all my electrical equipment will be on all day too.

    Wankers.

  233. 233
    Susie says:

    That SQUINT!

  234. 234
    13eastie says:

    Cool the globe by driving with the air-con on full and opening the windows to share some cold air with the environment whenever it gets chilly.

  235. 235
    Susie says:

    He looks pretty ‘diverse’ to me too. Especially about the eyes.

  236. 236
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Yawn.

    If Dave ‘n’ Co can only play things well (which is in question), Lab will be out in the cold for a decade or more. What we are seeing here is the first stage of the equivalent of the Howard/IDS/Hague (or whatever order they were in) rejigging of the Tory party.

    Just as the Tories’ natural response to losing was a lurch to the Right, so Lab’s is to the Left. They’ll sort themselves out eventually but this is not the Shadow Cabinet that will win an election. Ed ‘n’ Co are irrelevant but represent a necessary stage in rehabilitating Labour.

    My hope is that they run out of money and cease to exist before they are able to regain power – but I’ve been wanting that since Harold Wislon.

  237. 237
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Why’s THAT gone to modding? Was it the yawn?

  238. 238
    Cheese Lover says:

    LondonMuslim for Minister for Israeli affairs, or Minister for shitballs in ham.

  239. 239
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Sorry, that should have read ‘Mandelson’s slack’.

  240. 240
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    That’s rather nasty.

  241. 241
    Edward Balls says:

    You were the best boss Gordon this new red guy is a waste of space he is even talking of giving Yvette my job. Have a word with him please boss!!!!
    Its the right thing to do to have me against that osbo character not the boy cooper,please Gordon!!

  242. 242
    Dyslexic CERN Scientist says:

    Not to worry, we have now got the Large Hardon Collider up and in full working order!

  243. 243
    Edward Balls says:

    Divorce looms ,what about this as an excuse to leave the boy for bevantite ellie!!!

  244. 244
    SarumSea says:

    Anybody heard of “taqqiya” ?

  245. 245
    SarumSea says:

    Scial workers in fancy dress!

  246. 246
    SarumSea says:

    Just arrest the effers. And the suckers! Both kinds.

  247. 247
    SarumSea says:

    Ever heard of “taqqiya”?

  248. 248
    SarumSea says:

    Oh, how I love VIZ. A solution to every misery.

  249. 249
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Sorry sir, not meaning to gatecrash your soirée.

  250. 250
    Half a Seagull says:

    David Milliband: Northen Ireland.

  251. 251
    Gordon's car says:

    Every bit as embarrasing as Brown

  252. 252
    Hague the vague says:

    Both of you are easily pleased.

    Must be the dumbing down.

  253. 253
    Mr i grumble (Being of sound Mind) says:

    Don’t you get this feeling that Mr Ed has promoted a lot of has-beens, mediocrities and political lightweights so he has somebody to talk to during those dark evenings in the House of Commons Bar….

    Also… I get this feeling of ‘Deja Vu’ in my water that Mr Ed has sown the seeds of Liarbor’s future destruction and another massive Fiscal Ballsups if they ever get into Orifice again as the gubber’munt in the coming years. It will be “2010” all over again…. they never learn the lessons of History!!

    Mr Allan as Chancer of the Exchequer has just taken a delivery of Basic Economics Primers and the latest edition of “Economics for Dummies” based on Dr Gordy McRuins economic and fiscal ideas…. So we are all truly faroukhed if Liarbor ever get back in office….


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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

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