September 29th, 2010

David Miliband, Cry Baby

Guido thought that the Labour Party had made a terrible mistake in selecting Ed over David, but you get the true measure of a man in adversity. By all accounts David Miliband has chickened out of front-line politics. After repeatedly promising that he would be happy to serve in a cabinet under anyone, including his brother, a week later it turns out he isn’t. He isn’t playing any more.

Goodbye David Miliband, over promoted bag carrier that you were, wonkish finger wagger and man of straw. No psycho-drama, just tears…


  1. 1
    Sunny Jim says:

    Don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out, you loser


    • 4
      JT says:

      What’s the reward for D Mill in staying? Opposing the cuts you know are necessary and allying yourself to your loser brother? Why not wait til Red Ted loses to an outright Tory majority and then step in to lead the party fightback in 2015?


      • 21
        Sunny Jim says:

        M’yes, good point. However, with a bit of luck, Labour will be well & truly buried by 2015 anyway


        • 34
          Milli-Vanilli says:

          I just love these New Generation Labour MP’s who spout their own idealism like they are the only people with ideals and that their ideals are the only ones of note. Frankly, its pretty sickening stuff and I applaud D Milliband for not applauding about the Iraq War and for telling Harriett what a fucking hypocrit she is and that Harriett is called integrity and it appears as though only one person in the arena had that. Fuck me these Labour politicians have NO SHAME.


          • Dick the Prick says:

            In the words of Nelson Mandella, ‘fuck you, you wanker’. No loss.


          • "No psycho-drama" Awwwwww..... you could have filled the blog with that shite for years says:

            “just tears…” Don’t cry Guido, you still have the Conservative Conference to come so you can speak truth to power like you promised.

            Or if you changed your mind about independence and don’t want to, we’ll still take the piss out of them and laugh at Willy Hague and the rest.

            Either works.


          • its pretty sickening stuff and I applaud D Milliband for not applauding about the Iraq War says:

            Fuck me these warmonger Bush/Blair apologists have NO SHAME.


          • The Rt. Dishon. Phoney ‘£rd-Way’ Sanctimonious Bliar, Banker Wanker & ***, emoting & wiv stupid grin says:


            So Noo_Lie_Bore is dead!!!

            Well I’m not bovvared! I’d finished wiv it anyway!!

            Coz me ‘n the missus – we’ve made our pile out of stoopid legislation and bullshit bollocks.

            Anyway – must go! Anuvva wellfy LieBore toff wants to join me bank!

            He trusts me!! Coz I’m a straightkindaguy!!

            One ov me FUDs (fuckedupdipsticks) will be along soon to tell you how much CMD is like me!


          • Anonymous says:

            you how much CMD is like me!


      • 150
        britain's obama says:

        Come the Labour defeat of 2015 that new Black Labour MP who is supposed to be the rising star will take over as leader. MiliD is history, finished, kaput, done and not even a legend.


      • 216
        Richard Y says:

        Loser and looser!


        • 219
          ED Milliband is CHICKEN LICKEN says:

          Yeah Fuck Off you LOSER !!

          Always was and always will be an over-hyped under achieving WASTE OF SPACE !


    • 24
      Sally James Tits says:

      We have elected Mark Corrigan from Peep Show to be our leader instead of you.


      • 114
        Liam Fox says:

        I am EXTREMELY ANGRY and FURIOUS with whoever leaked my private letter to David Cameron out to the filthy muck-raking Newspaper reporters.
        Several of whom I was seen with at an extremely agreeable and well lubricated lunch the other day by sheerest coincidence.
        I shall leave no stone unturned in my tireless search for the culprit, even if he is thought of by many as a furure Conservative Leader in waiting. So they say. ‘They’ not being me.


    • 25
      AC1 says:

      On the topic of marxist political dyNastys. I wonder will Kim Jong Un’s Older brothers be leaving the North Korean political scene?


    • 33
      Cry Baby Jim Breaks, wrestler extrodinaire says:

      Win by two falls and a submission, says Shirley Crabtree !


    • 62
      Jimmy says:

      If only he could soldier on and bear his defeat without rancour or bitterness. Like Liam Fox has.


    • 92
      Leg-iron says:

      Don’t be too hard on Moribund the Loser.

      He did at least sing an ode to his special brother…


    • 106
      Anonymous says:

      He could never recover from not having the balls to move against brown when it was obvious to everyone else that Brown needed to go.


    • 143
      Bachelor boy Ed says:

      Ed Miliband told Kate Garaway that his girlfriend is going to have another baby boy and he is the father and that he believes in marriage. Something not quite right in his logic methinks.


      • 218
        Richard Y says:

        He did not have the time to make sure his name was on the birth certificate, is that responsible?


        • 221
          bad Parenting. says:

          He also said that Copenhagen and the leadership contest had not left him with enough time to pop down the council to sign his son’s birth certificate. That may I suggest is a BIG LIE. It is also not a responsible action by a father.


        • 261
          Grumpy Old Man says:

          To free his progeny from the shame of being the Son of Ed? Could be the only altruistic act Ed will ever perform,


    • 210
      anonymouse says:

      If I can’t win I’m taking my football.


  2. 2
    rocknrolla says:

    Losing to his gormless, even weirder, brother must really t0rture the poor bloke.


    • 27
      The political class can kiss my arse says:

      My thoughts exactly. Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving shit stain.


    • 247
      Henry Crun says:

      No wonder Dead Head Ed is in favour of AV.


    • 249
      Craigoh says:

      Yep. That, and knowing that if he HAD moved against Brown before the 2010 GE, instead of standing by as his minions launched several botched, half-cocked coup attempts; he may even now, be Prime Minister. IE: a Miliband-led Labour party might just have won a GE / retained enough seats to form a coalition with the LibDems. Probably not, but you never know.

      Being photographed gurning with a banana didn’t help his chances though.

      Say what you like about nerdy gormless-looking Ed, but I don’t think ‘loser’ is fair, at least, not yet; he’s shown a right ruthless streak to win this job. He’s a sharp political operator alright. (Would probably be a terrible leader / administrator of UK plc, mind; but when has that trifling concern ever bothered the Labour party?) And I wouldn’t rule him out from being able to fool enough people for enough of the time to win at the next GE, given how thick most people are in this hoon’ry.


  3. 3
    White Van Man says:

    I always thought he was a pussy from the day I clapped eyes on him, just another greasy skinned Fabian brainwashed mong geek.


  4. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Clegg, Cameron, both Milibands, Burnham, Cooper, Balls…..

    In fact all those who never worked anywhere else but politics should follow…


    • 117
      Tony E says:

      Seconded. I don’t want to represented by ‘career polititcians’, simply because many of them just are not any good and they have no idea what is actually happening.

      However, I’d still take Cameron & Osbourne over Red Ed & Balls.


  5. 6
    Filthy Accomodation says:

    To be fair, the either alternative was pretty shitty, and no one would want to be subordinate to an uglier version of themselves.

    I think the truth is that David simply didn’t expect to lose, and so said whatever he liked about the consequences of his not winning.

    As it is, D Milliband remains someone that could hold his own against Cameron and Clegg. E Milliband looks like a shifty, snotty-nosed nonce.


    • 22
      White Van Man says:

      I agree mostly but disagree on that D-Militwat could hold his own with Cameron.
      I think he would have been a tougher opposition for Cameron without a doubt, but he could have coped with him at the dispatch box and over time won out against him I think. But anyway that’s not what happened!
      As it is Carmeron has Red Ed to deal with now, and even with his poker face it will be easy enough for Cameron to unhitch him I reckon. I just think Red Ed is coming in with a lot of baggage no experience and that all important socialist chip on the shoulder with many obvious weaknesses too.
      I guess we’ll see soon enough FA, the game’s afoot as they say.


      • 111
        Cast Iron Cameron says:

        Dave’s simply marvellous old bean. He shits ice-cream and farts perfume.

        Remember, Dave has been and still is keeping his powder dry since about a year before the election right up until now. Everyone knows he was deliberately shit against Brown in PMQ’s all those times and was deliberately shit in the election campaign too.

        It’s all a cunning plan old boy.

        Dave’s playing a long, long game.


      • 135
        Shoey says:

        What I find very telling is his admission that he did not reach his political stance through logical thought, he was ‘born into it’


    • 170
      NotaSheep says:

      Appearances are not always deceptive.


  6. 7
    purpleline says:

    Looks like Brown has won all the battles now, his boy controls the party along with his Unions. I am expecting Brown to become more and more vocal in the coming days.

    It will destroy the party though, whic is fantastic news.


  7. 8
  8. 9
    Subrosa says:

    He’ll be off to the US to have a few words with Hilary. Doesn’t his wife have dual citizenship?


  9. 10
    Anonymous says:

    The unions bouncers well take ed’s ass on the way out of the conference hall.


  10. 11
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    He was finished when he had his real leadership election 2 years ago and bottled it. That, and the torture episode showed he was spineless and could never go the distance. “I’m on my way out” did indeed prove to be his most memorable quote from this years liebour conference.


  11. 12
    Doc Trough says:

    Don’t leave the country without informing us beforehand sir.


    • 68
      biffo says:

      As there is still the outstanding little question as to whether you were complicit in the torture of British citizens, we are confiscating your passport & would appreciate you visiting the police station at 10.00 am tomorrow to provide a DNA sample and a set of fingerprints.


  12. 13
    Ther New Generation Revealed says:

    Ladies and Gentlemen please be upsatnding for…..(drum roll)……The New Generation…..!!!!! Introducing…..

    Ed Milliband
    Ed Balls
    Yvette Cooper-Clark
    Harriet Harman
    Tessa Jowell
    Andy Burnham
    Dianne Abbot
    Alan Johnston

    err some off these look a tad familiar….must be some mistake ?


  13. 14
    Anonymous says:

    he should join the Coalition – he’d be offered a good government post before long …


  14. 16
    Johnny says:

    I still find it quite extraordinary that these two Milibands fought out an election to be Leader of the Labour Party. The old Labour Politicians and active members of the sixties and seventies were actually WORKING people in the main. They had jobs and active work experience on the tools, or in a factory or the NHS or down the mines. My Mother was an active Labour member helping feed miners on the picket lines of Heaths 3 day week. She gave back her card when Blair became Leader after the death of John Smith. The labour Party had many able working and articulate honest people of integrity and experience. Ed Miliband cannot seriously lead any Party which has labour and working people at its roots. Cameron will have him for breakfast in the Commons, where his Brother David received more MP votes than he did for this leadership. What exactly and explicitly can Ed Miliband offer this Country right now? He was a party to this total financial fiasco and Gordon Brown’s crazy decade spending spree.


    • 41
      EC1 PhD says:

      Nice summary. Love it.


    • 49
      The Quite Man says:

      Good comment the Labour party died when Blair took over.
      Alas now it does not matter who is the dear leader the sheep will still vote for them.


      • 63
        AC1 says:

        The labour party died with the Berlin wall.


        • 78
          50 Calibre says:

          It died for the same reason that everything else dies. It just got too old and arthritic to stay alive. Nothing lives for ever. Roman Empire, USSR, PRC, Cuba, EU, People’s Republic of North Korea, etc., etc…


      • 88
        The Shite Man says:

        Good comment the Conservative party died when the Heir to Blair took over.


        • 169
          Tom 'Bunker Bunter' Watson MP says:

          Pointless trolling, a courier has been dispatched from the bunker with a new parrotline.

          Try harder, or I unleash Charlie’s boys.


    • 142

      I can only concur – my grandfather who went down the pit at 12 and was in the 1926 General Strike would have spat on this motley collection of metrosexual inadequates, and his nickname was Red Sam.

      Me – I went to school with lots of Levantine slime like the Milibands, and I hated their type then and hate them more each day that passes.


      • 184
        Arthur Koestler says:

        ‘Levantine’? Try Khazaria.

        These in-bred, phallic-worshipping ‘Semities’ are as foreign to the Levant as they are to acrual graft.


    • 159
      The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

      Spot on Johnny. Neither of the Milibands has any experience of what might be called “real life” outside a very limited bubble of politically motivated, dare I say it, activists whose participation in Britain’s society is almost parasitic in its existence. Where is his experience in agriculture, industry, the church, trade, defence etc? They have no experience at all but a political party thinks they are the best choice. I would consider them the best of a bad lot. The least worst option.


      • 226
        Twunk Watch says:

        They probably read about ‘Working’ from a book loaned by the Mobile Library when they were Papa’s young comrades!


  15. 17
    I hate Tesco AND the Pope says:

    Eddy Milly makes El Gordo look like a contender.


  16. 18
    Living With the REAL People in NW3 says:

    He’s no fool!

    Great opportunity to now make his fortune.

    Like all patronising champagne socialists, he’ll be back in the future to rain down his scorn and pain upon the morally bankrupt middle classes who squeal like pigs for having the audacity to complain about supporting their client state.

    Good riddance to the wanker… for now.


  17. 19
    Johnny says:

    Well done Guido.

    At midnight you still get out important political news in that cry baby David has taken his marbles and gone home to Mummy. This is one bet of two I have now got right.

    I bet that Ed would win the Leadership Election of the Labour Party and also bet that David would quit front line politics within a week of that Election. This Labour Party is now a dying Alligator doing its death roll. Their Leaders no longer seriously represent Labour members or MPs, nor working people and certainly not the majority of the British Public.

    Ed is going to have to say SORRY many times to the Voters before they ever give him and his sorry lot another chance at power.


    • 80
      50 Calibre says:

      I thought he might bare his arse in front of all the 24/7 news cameras on Parliament Green, but that wouldn’t work either. Everyone knows he’s an arse…


  18. 20
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Lets just hope that when he leaves
    He takes his “Balls” with him


  19. 23
    M'lud says:

    Poor old Dave, shocked, betrayed and bewildered for losing to his younger brother, should go for two reasons. Firstly (and this may only be a personal point of view) who on earth would want to serve under their upstart younger, and less experienced, brother in any walk of life. How cringingly embarrassing. Secondly, and more importantly, it would be unhealthy for all of us if RedEd were to appoint his brother to high office. RedEd’s views on his brother’s policies, views etc will always be tainted by the guilt he will feel for having shafted him so viciously, and that is unacceptable.


    • 35
      White Van Man says:

      Yep its always personal in the end M’lud, besides that it would spilt the Liebour down its middle.

      As has been said before, “It’s the unions what did it”


      • 171
        Southern Softy says:

        It was great to see the expressions on the faces of Derek Simpson & Co when RedEd said that he would take no shit from the unions.
        Give it time is all I say.


  20. 28
    Bye Bye says:

    The only good thing David MiliHunt did in his entire career was actually earlier today when he gave us the hilarious moment in which he turned to Harriet Hardperson and asked why she was applauding when she had voted for the Iraq war.


    • 32
      M'lud says:

      We may get another example tomorrow if he walks.


    • 50
      D L George says:

      That was a cracker, Sky’s camera had a good angle, showed Darling having a chuckle in the row behind.

      The other classic of the Evening was Red Milliband yapping about how the country just can’t go on strike when ever it feels like – Camera cuts to union Bosses Derek Simpson and Tony Woodley. Woodley says “RUBBISH“.


      • 145
        Anonymous says:

        It wasn’t Woodley that said “rubbish”.
        The camera clearly showed it was the union leader sitting 2nd. right of Woodley.


      • 175
        The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

        Are you telling me that someone in the audience shouted “Rubbish”?

        This is a disgrace!

        He should have been manhandled out of the hall by two heavies and held by the police for six hours under the prevention of terrorism act.

        I don’t know what the Labour Party are coming to!


  21. 36
    David Miliband says No2AV says:

    I think DMilitwit may have had his eye on a Shadow post and if he does not get it he will go. If he does go it will look really bad, sour grapes and all. Hehe!


    • 45
      Filthy Accommodation says:

      It seems to me like the press have made it impossible for him not to go. They want the awkward family saga to roll on and on, as it will provide cheap copy for years. If he were to remain shadow foreign secretary, then the rumours of splits between the brothers, or of whether David will resign, would never stop.

      Speculation has run on for so long that David really has no choice but to put an end to it.


  22. 37
    M'lud says:

    Hmm, no sign of the Liebour trolls yet. All drowning their sorrows perhaps, along with their chances of regaining power for some considerable time to come.


    • 136
      bergen says:

      Let’s face it.Labour activists and Tory voters have much in common.Both are happier with Labour in oppositon.The comrades can now prepare their composite motions to conference condemning all that has passed safe in the knowledge that they will never have to make any hard choices.


  23. 38
    Boiling of Hereford says:

    I watched the whole Emilly speach, there were a lot of things to drive the new young labour worker bees, but, but, but, look at the fxxxing old guard of fat queen bees being brought the best honey and pollen, that will make any progress he would like to make like dragging his sorry arse across a Dartmoor bog mid-winter with all his teams’ bergens on his scabby back.

    The red herring of the lost tax returns from public service workers being sacked and costing the taxpayer money is bxxxocks, they’d be cheaper on the dole than feather bedded in their cosy offices. Let them become new small businesses and see hwhat all their red tape feels like on the recieving end.

    None of them have had to go out and earn a living in the real world for years they have forgotten what it means to work.

    And if I see the smacked arse face of Edballs once more on a television news or comment program with his whiney snivelling complaint about “cuts to deep, too soon” when the mad jock gordo caused the whole mess advised by him in the first place I will put my telly on the compost heap


  24. 39
    Ed the Embryo says:

    I see the Black Belgian twatt did not mention England in his speech


  25. 40
    caesars wife says:

    Kelvin Mackenzie on newspaper review on eds speech “this blokes an ocean going dud , in America they have name for this kind of guy a whacker”

    2 years rest and refreshment for David M I hear , forms have to be in 5pm tommorow for cabinet , so wont know shadow cabinet until later then and David Ms non application although bit hard to apply from london perhaps when youve not interested in rest of conference


    • 44
      M'lud says:

      “whacker”? Various meanings extracted from dictionary below. I assume Kelvin had the last one in mind.

      whack  (hwk, wk)
      v. whacked, whack·ing, whacks
      1. To strike (someone or something) with a sharp blow; slap.
      2. Slang To kill deliberately; murder.
      To deal a sharp, resounding blow.
      1. A sharp, swift blow.
      2. The sound made by a sharp, swift blow.
      Phrasal Verb:
      whack off Vulgar Slang
      To masturbate.


      • 57
        caesars wife says:

        yes I ponderd if my hearing had gone


      • 103
        it's actually of australian origin and Kelvin learned it a long time ago says:

        “whacker” – to stick your tongue as hard as you can up the ringpiece of an elderly rich australian media baron tax dodger


    • 173
      Errors and corrections says:



  26. 42
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Bye Bye Baby ! ha ha ha ha ha


  27. 43
    EC1 PhD says:

    Loved watching the Union leaders’ reactions to being told that their support was a waste of time, money and effort from a novice who has no idea what he’s got himself in to.


  28. 46
    Bye Bye says:

    The best laugh I had today was the spectacle of gormless Labour delegates giving their overexcited reactions to Ed’s speech. Every single one of them had a face you’d love to punch. My favourites were the ones who said “He’ll make a great prime minister”.

    What I find fascinating is that these idiots said exactly the same sort of things after hearing the speeches of Blair and Brown. They don’t understand that their own hyperbolic reactions afterwards are the result of a simple bio-chemical process that you get in circumstances where there’s an intense communal atmosphere with thousands of others. Just the very fact of Ed shouting his slogans or uttering his statements in an adamant tone, building to a crescendo and thunderous applause is all it takes for the rubes in the hall to forget that their glorious new leader was himself part of the government whose legacy he’s now disowning. Want a gullible idiot? Get a Labour delegate.


    • 47
      M'lud says:

      The only things that worry them are the sound of a knife being sharpened and the smell of mint sauce.


    • 89
      One Week hence says:

      The best laugh I had today was the spectacle of gormless Conservative delegates giving their overexcited reactions to Dave’s speech. Every single one of them had a face you’d love to punch. My favourites were the ones who said “He is a great prime minister”.

      What I find fascinating is that these idiots said exactly the same sort of things after hearing the speeches of Major, Howard, Hague and IDS. They don’t understand that their own hyperbolic reactions afterwards are the result of a simple bio-chemical process that you get in circumstances where there’s an intense communal atmosphere with thousands of others. Just the very fact of Dave shouting his slogans or uttering his statements in an adamant tone, building to a crescendo and thunderous applause is all it takes for the rubes in the hall to forget that their glorious new leader was himself pledged to match the spending of the labour government whose spending he’s now attacking. Want a gullible idiot? Get a Conservative delegate.


      • 98
        Tessa Tickles says:

        “all it takes for the rubes in the hall to forget that their glorious new leader was himself pledged to match the spending of the labour government whose spending he’s now attacking”

        Oh, so very cruel! Deliciously so.


        • 104
          sorry it upsets you so much, but it's a FACT says:

          Cameron pledged himself and the Conservative Party to match Labour’s spending plans before the Bank catastrophe.

          And yes it is, oh, so very cruel! Deliciously so.
          Not to metnoin hilariously ironic.


        • 107
          Tories 'to match Labour spending' says:

          September 2007

          Tories ‘to match Labour spending’

          A Conservative government would match Labour’s projected public spending totals, shadow chancellor George Osborne has said.

          Oh, so very cruel! Deliciously so. LOL!


      • 108
        Labour's Public Spending was a fucking Disgrace!!! Which is why Osborne & Cameron wanted to copy it. says:

        Want a gullible idiot? Get a Conservative delegate.


        • 109
          innit?!?? says:

          But the debt is all about public spending and nothing to do with Brown’s fuckwitted “light touch regulation” of the thieving Banker wankers. That’s why it took the Bank collapse for the tories to do a screeching U-turn.

          innit ?!??


    • 229
      Elmer Gantry says:

      The audience were like that with me, Liebour loves their false prophets!


  29. 51
    Money Money Money says:

    Listen to TalkSport phone-in right now. The presenter’s a good bloke, a libertarian, hates Labour and just said he thought Ed M’s speech was a disaster. Anyway, the main subject they’re talking about now is money. Join in the discussion! He just read out an email from a listener who said Labour are evil and ruined the economy.


  30. 52
    D L George says:

    Anyone see the Newsnight labour conference special tonight?

    Aunty Beeb grew some teeth and a backbone. Worth a watch.


    • 59
      Jimmy says:

      If only they’d managed to do that in time for Panorama last night.


      • 235
        Man Walking His Dog says:

        It all depends on what information they received from Ashcroft. If they broadcast all sorts of accusations and they then were proven false m’learned friends wouild be looking for a bonus. Maybe it will be in next week’s Panorama?


  31. 53
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    If it came down to a proper fight my money would be on Alex, Gideon and Dave
    In the good old days the milwhatethers would have been chucked into a bush then in a pond /lake or river/shot with a Webley air pistol and then given a good kicking
    Thats how mongs and homos were treated at my school
    Only just over 30 years ago and the masters found it funny
    And so to bed


  32. 54
    Rt Hon Tony Blair, QC exMP says:

    Ah Guido, don’t be nasty. When Ed fcuks up like IDS, as the stripling will do, you can count on me to return to Labour’s helm, tanned, rested and invigorated, ready to provide 10 more years of leadership Britain desperately needs!


  33. 60
    Ed Miliband says:

    I like being Labour leader. But I’m waiting for the office to be cleaned. My predecessor left a rather foul smell and dozens of empty bottles of fizzy orange.


    • 66
      Woe Betide says:

      Listen. You had to suck off your brother when you were kids and now you’ve got one back on him. That doesn’t change the fact that you are a cock sucker and union gimp. Run along and suck off Charlie Whelan.


  34. 70
    Gentrified Loonyleftie says:

    I say you chaps, I shan’t be in your gang if I can’t be the supreme boss right now.

    With an attitude like that (he did come a close second – no disgrace surely), Labour, and maybe the Country has had a very narrow squeak.

    If so, you have to ask whether Mr Ed shares any of these traits.

    Falling on your sword while pushing your brother onto it as well, is to fuck up your party, your constituents who have just elected you, and your supporters. What edifying behaviour. Never mind, have a banana.


  35. 74
    Iain Dunross says:

    Most people who claim to be ‘atheists’ yet ‘respect faith’ are kiddie-like and prone to throwing their toys out of the cot. Clegg is the same.

    Hardcore atheists I can respect – respect their carefully argued delusions – but at least they are grown up and have thought about the fundamentals of life.


    • 79
      AC1 says:

      Because a sky pixie who watches your every move isn’t delusional?


      • 90
        Sarah Palin says:

        BLASPHEMER!! Take him away and burn him.


      • 199
        The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

        Places where you won’t find an atheist:

        1. A lifeboat
        2. A shell hole.
        3. A frontline trench
        4. A broken down lift.
        5. A burning building.
        6. A cancer ward.
        7. An aircraft during clear air turbulence.
        8. At a meeting, two days before polling day, where a parliamentary candidate is addressing a religious group.

        Why is it that these lefty politicians claim to be “atheist” but when they die they have a “memorial service” at a church. (Robin Cook?)


        • 209

          Atheists allow a memorial service after they die to allow those friends and family who do have beliefs to indulge them. It’s polite.


        • 239
          Anonymous says:

          true, as the atheist will be off trying to find a tangible solution to his predicament rather than desperately grovelling to some make-believe wizard for some last minute magic

          religion is superstition, nothing more, and just another tool politicians can use to get more suckers to vote for them


    • 138
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      Any fundamentalist creed is susceptible to extremism: Islam, Christianity and yes, Atheism.


      • 152

        I wasn’t aware that there was an atheist canon to be fundamentalist about, but then again I’m an atheist because I think for myself, not because someone told me it was the way to be.

        I am, however, somewhat more extreme than Dawkins…


        • 168
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          Lets see.
          a) I eat pork and don’t care
          a ii) I eat bacon and don’t care.
          b) I eat beef and don’t care
          c) I eat meat and don’t care.
          d) I have been known to work on sunday.
          e) I have worked on Saturday.
          f) I don’t believe crackers become flesh.
          g) I don’t buy second hand jam
          h) I don’t sit around waiting for inner piece
          i) I have no wish to let birds pick at my corpse one day.
          j) I dink beer


        • 178
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          (now what did i say that was wrong)
          k) And I don’t dress as a pirate.


        • 193
          Can't remember my moniker says:

          You are a special case, Paragnostic! Good Morning.

          Like you (probably when I was your age) I was such a skeptic that I did not even believe that I existed myself.

          It strikes me that any person who takes the unwaivable stance of “I am right, you are wrong”, is most probably missing something from their considerations.

          There is no shame in entertaining the possibility of doubt, however small. In your case it is, of course, de minimis…

          My approach to religion is similar to Russell’s teapot, as I have previously posted.


    • 160
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      There are all sorts of religions, and subdivisions of religions. If theres say … 9 big ones, then (even without examining the claims) every religion’s silly stuff is 90% likely to be a delusion.

      As for “respecting religion” I am nice enough not to tell people I know who are religious what I think.


      • 196
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Now here sp#4, I am between you and Paragnostic. I often say that I entertain a minute possibility that they are right after all, which is more than they will be prepared to offer me.

        It always unsettles them!


        • 201
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          (I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick then because that makes you a hard core atheist)

          But they can’t all be right can they?
          Unless its a Hindu sort of setup where one single God appears to different people in different ways (giving the impression that there are more than one).


  36. 81
    Bum Chum says:

    I wouldn’t let Eddie Izzard hear you sagging off red Ed. He’ll have your bums for breakfast.


  37. 86
    albacore says:

    Not exactly Cain and Abel all over again, the millipede epic, is it?
    No wheels left on its wagon and the Lib/Lab/Con show still keeps scraping along.
    If the Tories got Quentin Tarantino to write the script for their conference, now that would be entertainment.


    • 91
      Francis Futurama says:

      Cameron to Clegg: ” Baby, I could use some more ice.”


    • 93
      Francis Futurama says:

      The phone rings.

      CAMERON Get that for me, will ya baby?

      CLEGG You know it’s for you.

      Camron just stares at him.

      CAMERON Girl, you better not make me go over there and put my feet to ya.

      Clegg gets up, goes over to the desk, picks up the phone, says:

      CLEGG Hello.

      Puts the phone down and says;

      CLEGG It’s for you.


    • 155

      Move on a few chapters, and you’ll come to Jacob and Esau.

      That’s the proper analogy, and Esau (Mili D) is off to found the Edomites.

      Mangledbum, on the other hand, will found the Sodomites.


  38. 87
    David says:

    I’m surprised Guido is taking this line.

    Methinks D Mili knows he’s well out of the forthcoming car crash of a leadership of little bro…

    If I was him I’d be back in June 2015, after Ed has been disposed of and the Labour party realise that nice warm feeling he gave them, he gave only to them and not the country as a whole.

    David is the missing link to Blair; there will be a lot of revisionist thinking on Blair when they begin to remember his greatest talent – the ability to get their beloved party power.


  39. 113
    Outlier says:

    Miliband Snr IMHO is one of the most overrated politicians in the UK, whose apparent sense of entitlement and superiority made him the perfect New Labour man. I also watched Junior’s speech, which I thought was uninspiring and he looked to moe like some little kid who is very much out of his depth.


  40. 115
    S.B.S. says:

    Goodbye Banana Boy!
    Don’t come back.


  41. 116
    Bye Bye C'unts! BuhBye! says:

    No more Brown.

    No more Blair.

    No more Mandelson.



    • 120
      Mr Plum says:

      Don’t believe it, most are still relatively young, after all even kinniock still shows his ugly head from time to time and probably did us more harm while in europe than he could ever have done as labour pm.


    • 123
      Albie Here says:

      Like Cameron’s has been’s and screw up’s,they will be festering in the background,they will have their slimey thieving fingers touching everything,new new generation Liebour is just like Cameron’s Conservatives same lies,poison,theft and bile wrapped up in a different wrapper.


  42. 118
    On the waterfront of Manchester Ship Canal says:

    “You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a sore-loser, which is what I am, let’s face it. “


  43. 119
    angelnstar says:

    If David Miliband stayed, the press would be on the Mili bros. non-stop looking for or inventing signs of jealousy and friction. It’s better for everyone if he goes. BREAKING NEWS.

    I wish it were true.


    • 121
      Mr Plum says:

      Just realised most of our top politicians were born about the time these ufo’s were appearing


    • 225
      Mr Ned says:

      There is documentary and electronic evidence which supports this event. Additionally, multiple witnesses from the NATO base where this happened and from higher-up the chain of command who were alerted when the shit hit the fan came forward with their accounts independently of each other.

      When multiple NATO nuclear missile silos were effectively “switched off”, that sent a whole pile of shit up the chain of command like a bolt of lightening.

      There was no way that they were going to admit this in the middle of the cold war though was there.

      This does NOT mean that whatever “switched off” these nuclear silos was alien though, it was just unknown.


  44. 124
    Restandbthankful says:

    Ed ‘illi-tant said that this was the start of a new generation, sounds good. Does that mean the end of Balls, Balls and Burnham. Its a new generation after all which he tried to emphasize with all the yoof behind him during his speech – been done before. I wonder who the new generation shadow cabal sorry cabinet polititians will be. They will certainly be career politicians with no life experience or skills whatsoever. Their moto – if you can’t do it, teach it, if you can’t teach it lecture it, if you can’t lecture it become a “politishun”.


  45. 125
    Smegma and Fury says:

    Ed Milliband is a eunuch.


  46. 130
    Jack says:


    Would you hang around in a Labour Party controlled by CHAVS and THUGS ?


  47. 131
    (Hideously) White Van Man says:

    am I the only one to be horrified at the endless wall to wall coverage of the Millibands?

    Does the BBC not realise the rest of us don’t give a flting fuck about its North London trustafabian obsessions. Newsflash fo Beeboids the Labour Party is in opposition and likely to remain there.

    We would like someone with some loyalty to Britain rather than the fundamentally hostile “international community” or orwellian New World Order to show backbone and leadership. NoDave that’s not you either is it?

    Would there be anything terrible about someone British and ordinary leading the Labour Party? Why does it have to be a grinning actor like Tony Bliar, a manic Scot like McRuin or or a foreign Marxist with a dodgy family history like milliband?

    Do the Millibands have any history of loyalty to us? or to anything except Marxist ideology and their own self interest ? Just how did they get so wealthy in such a short time here?


    • 231
      article#92 says:



    • 259
      Indigo says:

      am I the only one to be horrified at the endless wall to wall coverage of the Millibands?

      No, I am horrified and sick of it, too. I did not put on the “Today” programme at all this morning. Yesterday, I felt like running out of the room screaming when even Thought for the Day was about Miliband – it was by retired Bishop Tom Butler.

      Poor, poor, poor deliriously happy Beeboids. The Labour conference is like a lovely dream, for them it must feel as if the good old days were back, and the General Election result never happened.


  48. 134
    Smegma and Fury says:

    “When Labour is in opposition its MPs vote to decide who should serve in the shadow cabinet and the leader chooses which jobs to give the 19 successful individuals. A minimum quota of six women has been imposed. The shadow chief whip will be selected in a separate ballot.”

    Diane Abbot, Minister for Overseas Aid and Money Laundering


  49. 140
    Ed Miliband re-writes History says:

    So Ed Miliband keeps saying Labour lost the election because of the Iraq war. And there was me thinking that the 2005 election what Labour won came after the 2003 Iraq war.


  50. 141
    John says:


    Would you hang around in a Conservative Party controlled by FA.GS and MUGS ?


  51. 147
    Senator Bloodn' Gore says:

    ‘Scuse me, can someone tell me how Miliband Minor can form a Shadow Cabinet when all around him are ‘too old’ or, potentially, war criminals? What a conundrum.


  52. 151
    Yellow Dave says:

    I’m going to run away and leave Labour in the hands of the militants – just like we ran away from Basra and left it in the hands of the terrorists.


    • 158
      Maj Gen Green-Bottle says:

      It wasn’t a retreat, it was a tactical repositioning of our troops to the more secure and easily defendable environment of Sangin Valley.


      • 163
        Squaddie says:

        From where we also ran away.


      • 165
        Liam Fox is dave's weakest Link says:

        The security of which has now been handed over to US forces.

        So what the fook is Dr Foxy moaning about, there’s nothing left to spend the defence budget on except the corrupt defence contractors.


  53. 161
    2000 microbands says:

    Then again – he might simply have seen the way the wind is blowing and decide he’s well out of it?


  54. 164
    Colonel Blimp. says:

    Oy vey – have some chicken soup, already, my boy.


  55. 167
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    Why is Ed talking on Today as if he has cotton wool stuffed up his nose


  56. 171
    Ed Miliband says:

    I am now rebranding New Labour to the Mili brand.


  57. 186
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Remember when New Labour used the fact that Cameron was “new” as a stick to beat him with.

    Well now New Labour are claiming that Ed Milibland’s “newness” is an advantage….WTF!


    • 208
      Red Ed 'Emily' Miliband says:

      Waddya mean, this is no time for a novice?


    • 213
      Mr Ned says:

      Labour’s hypocrisy knows no bounds.

      Especially when Ed campaigned in favour of policies in a manifesto he wrote only 5 months or so ago, then changed his political philosophy to lurch hard to the left to pick up the union vote in the leadership election, (and by so doing stitched up his own brother).

      Now he would expect us to be stupid enough to believe that he has had a third miraculous political conversion in months to become a liberal democrat.

      If he really believes those political ideals, he should cross the floor of the house and join the liberals.

      The point is, we now know what his political philosophy is, NOTHING!

      He is an immoral, inconsistent, wishy-washy, opportunistic, all things to all people, bullshitter


  58. 191
    Circus Tipriot says:

    While the media was up itself writing critiques of Edache’s speech yesterday, the world outside moved on entirely regardless. Thus Guido’s native land appears to have sunk, and those naughty Yankee persons have been telling porkies about QE or not QE.
    I think this entirely reprehensible and thus worthy of a broader audience as discerning and sophisticated as this one.


  59. 192
    stun says:

    OT – Would love to see this over here, but not holding my breath:

    REYKJAVIK, Sept 28 (Reuters) – Iceland’s parliament voted on Tuesday to bring before a court negligence charges against former prime minister Geir Haarde, who oversaw events leading to the country’s banking collapse in 2008. But the Althingi (parliament) declined to press charges against ex-foreign and finance ministers Ingibjorg Solrun Gisladottir and Arni Mathiesen, as well as former business minister Bjorgvin Sigurdsson.
    It would be the first ever sitting of the Landsdomur, a special Icelandic court set up in 1905 to try government ministers accused of crimes. Iceland’s three main banks collapsed in late 2008 under a mountain of debt built up during a decade of overseas expansion, sending the economy into a tailspin and investors running. The country remains mired in deep recession and cut off from overseas capital markets as it tries pick up the pieces from its banking crisis.


  60. 195
    Fraser Nelson says:

    What’s so bad about being called Red Ed? I always get called a Red ‘ed!


  61. 197
    Martin Day says:

    Nice one Guido

    “David Cameron goes on about the Big Society. I want to see him selling the Big Issue.” Guido Fawkes


  62. 205
    Johnny cash says:

    For david


  63. 206
    alastair says:

    man of straw? man of clay, surely.

    Actually Cameron should employ him as minister for apologising for the horrible mess that Gordon and Tony left.


  64. 211
    2000 microbands says:

    I expect he’ll take the next seat on the EU Gravy train – beats being Charlie Whelan’s body-slave.


  65. 212
    Talwin says:

    1. Formally adopt as Labour strategy/policy ‘to be optimistic’. Keep reminding the voters that you’d like all kiddies to have a nice, happy home.

    2. Marry partner ASAP; ticks the right box & in due course good for photo op & one increased percentage point of public approval. (In due course rely on further photo op and ‘aaah’ factor’ at birth of baybee).

    Er….that’s it.


  66. 214
    Cynic says:

    Why does this so remind me of Eed’s speech



    There are those, I suppose
    Think we’re mad, heaven knows
    The world has gone to rack and to ruin

    WOMAN #1:
    What we think is chic

    WOMAN #2:

    WOMEN #3 & #4:
    And quite adorable

    They think is odd and “Sodom and Gomorrah”-ble!

    But the fact is,
    Everything today is thoroughly modern

    Check your personality

    Everything today makes yesterday slow

    Better face reality

    It’s not insanity
    Says Vanity Fair
    In fact, it’s stylish to

    Raise your skirts and bob your hair

    Have you seen the way they kiss in the movies

    Isn’t it delectable?

    Painting lips and pencil lining your brow
    Now is quite respectable

    Good-bye, good goody girl
    I’m changing and how

    So beat the drums ’cause here comes
    Thoroughly Modern Millie now
    What we think is chic, unique and quite adorable
    They think is odd and “Sodom and Gomorrah”-ble!
    But the fact is
    Everything today is thoroughly modern

    Bands are getting jazzier

    Everything today is starting to go

    Cars are getting snazzier

    Men say it’s criminal what women’ll do
    What they’re forgetting is

    This is 1922!

    Good-bye, good goody girl
    I’m changing and how

    MILLIE: I’m changing and how!

    So beat the drums ’cause here comes thoroughly
    Hot off the press! One step ahead! Jazz age!
    Whoopee baby! We’re so thoroughly modern




  67. 215
    Lomax says:

    A source from the UN tells me that, following on from Red Ed’s speech, Mazlan Othman (the newly UN “Alien Ambassador”) has requested an urgent meeting with him. Apparantly it is not just because he looks like he is from another solar system, his speech has confirmed he lives on another planet.


  68. 220
    Anonymous says:

    Meanwhile, the traitor new leader of the Labour Party tells us immigration has been good for us. Wanker.


  69. 228
    Boris says:

    More immigration please Dave.
    And lets have floods of them from my old homeland Turkey.


  70. 234
    I hate New Labour says:

    “over promoted bag carrier”.

    Possibly the most accurate description ever on this site.

    Mind you, it could apply to this whole generation of young politicians who’ve never had a real job and led a cosseted experience their whole lives.

    Qustion is though, will it ever get better? Or will youth and image be the only things that matter for ever more…


  71. 237
    Gordon says:

    That’s my boy.


  72. 242
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    D Miliband: ‘I’ll tell you when to fucking clap, Harman.’

    H Harman: ‘I’ll applaud as my career guides me, Bananaboy.’


  73. 243
    Bob's 'bitchtits' says:

    That cartoon appears to show what we in the one handed web browsing community call a facial.


  74. 246
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    This really is truely laughable.

    Foot, Kinnock, B*Liar, Broon and now Millibland.

    How do they get it so utterly wrong time after time? Why does anyone take them seriously?

    Excuse me, I must go and lie down, LOL, LOL, LOL…hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!


    • 248
      Restandbthankful says:

      How do they get so rich? John Prescott appears to be as thick as s..t and yet he and his fellow MPs are all wealthy. How can you do that by being an MP. Is it any wonder we have career politicians a bit like kids wanting to be celebritees when they see dozy pr…cks like Rooney and Cheryl Cole rich beyond their wildest dreams for doing what? The world has gone mad.


  75. 251
    I hate New Labour says:

    Oh no, David Miliblair is going to leave politics!

    How on earth will the country cope?

    On hang on, he’s just another career politician with no sense or principles, whose main goal in life is to line his own pockets.

    Maybe we’ll manage without him, eh?


  76. 253
    Anonymous says:

    Again, why not have a cartoon with David Milliband in it? This one is clearly Sammy Davis Jr.


    • 257
      gildedtumbril says:

      Hey, Sammy Davis Junior was the greatest entertainer of the twentieth century. Please never mention his name alongside duff rubbish like a millipede.


  77. 254
    ally says:




  78. 256
    gildedtumbril says:

    If the mincing ponces of all parties in parliament are the best Britain can do we are in megadeep shit. What a shower of greedy, self serving shithouses. And, to top that , they are traitors to a man, half-man and alleged woman. And. to top that, they all seem intellectually challenged. I think it means they are thick bastards. Were one of less resource one might succumb to despair.
    We are up shit creek without a paddle and no kayak either.


  79. 258
    Indigo says:

    Today’s “Morning Star” has a large picture of Ed Miliband (“Death Ray Panda”, see yesterday’s Steve Bell cartoon) on the front page. But also, top right, a picture of a real panda captioned “Symbol of Strength”. Is the “Morning Star” worried about Ed’s new nickname? Is the juxtaposition accidental? Or are you meant to look at the big picture of Ed and at the same time subliminally absorb the message “symbol of strength”?

    On the Guardian Cif, today, someone is asking if Steve Bell has been told to drop the Death Ray Panda.


  80. 260
    Gordon Smart says:

    What a useless TV presenter.


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