September 17th, 2010

Friday Caption Competition (PoJo Edition)


255 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” I was your chior boy “

    Like

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “If i click my shoes three times can i go home ?”

    Like

  3. 3
    The Watcher says:

    Ja you made zee confesshion Boris but I yi yi you have had so many babies I have to sit down and ask you how come wimmin finet you so sechzy??

    Like

  4. 4
    Potkettle says:

    Welcome to the stinking Sh*tehole Heathrow your grace

    Yeah th th thanks pope i’m mayor here

    Like

  5. 6
    White Van Man says:

    You know what they say… “Red shoes, No knickers!”

    Like

  6. 7
    Marchamont says:

    It’s hard to goosestep in this outfit

    Like

  7. 8

    Holy Father, Deadbeat Dad.

    Like

  8. 9

    “This no condom business has caused me a problem your holiness”

    Like

  9. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry about the fuzzie wuzzies wanting to do you harm but you really are an unpopular figure.

    Like

  10. 11

    “Feet up – pat him on the popo – let’s hear him laugh.” (Apology follows.)

    Like

  11. 12
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Quite right, Your Holiness – Terminal 1 is the quintescence of the Third World.

    Like

  12. 13

    “I am the father of every catholic I meet”

    “Bit like me with the blond kids in my neighbourhood then”.

    Like

  13. 14
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Do you want kids with that ?”

    Like

  14. 15
    QWERTY says:

    Give me your congestion charge money right now asshole.

    Like

  15. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Unlikely leader of millions greets the Pope at Heathrow

    Like

  16. 18
    IanVisits says:

    David Cameron reported to be much happier after Boris suddenly changes his mind about his next job.

    Like

  17. 19
    Doc Trough says:

    You seem like a nice junge. I’m not wearing any undervestments.

    Like

  18. 20
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst says:

    Stop calling me Len yer little gobshoite

    Like

  19. 20
    Engineer says:

    “You are good Catholic, my son. I see you do not use ze contraception.”

    Like

  20. 22
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Yes the shoes are the same ones that Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of oz. You know, I loved that film as a child, I most admired the guy behind the curtain.

    Like

  21. 23

    “Love the red shoes. Care for a dance?”

    “No, for three reasons. First, you’re drunk. Second, this is the National Anthem. Third, I am the Pope.”

    Like

  22. 24
    streamfisher says:

    Boris: What happened to the iron cross?

    Like

    • 166
      StevenL says:

      Boris thinks: “Fuck me, I hope they haven’t got his feet in, I must look about 6 foot next to this old kraut while he’s bending over. Pope bending over for me, now there’s a thought.”

      Like

  23. 26
    Engineer says:

    “You vant me to use zis bike as my official transport in London? Vere you think I put zese vestments?”

    Like

  24. 27
    Pope on a dope says:

    ” Phew!……..Thank fuck it’s you Boris and not that dickhead Brown as only one of us can save the world you know”

    Like

  25. 28

    “Another red shoes no knickers day then, Pope?”

    Like

  26. 29
    Lord Michael Caine says:

    What f*%$!” third world country is this.

    Like

  27. 30
    Nigel S says:

    “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

    Like

  28. 31
    Posh Tory says:

    Like most in Boris’ presence, the Pope feels obligated to lift his robe.

    Like

  29. 32
    bandersnatch says:

    ‘No red carpet in Edinburgh and an outdoor commode in London: a third world country it is indeed, Mr Mayor.’

    Like

  30. 33
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    und I played ze vwiff-vwaff viv ze RAF!

    Like

  31. 34
    The Pope says:

    I am a friend of Dorothy

    Like

  32. 35
    streamfisher says:

    Pope: And lay off the kiss my ring quips please.

    Like

  33. 36
    Pope Pourri says:

    Red Shoe priory’s?

    Like

  34. 38
    Heathrow Inspector says:

    “Why’s that man over there pulling on rubber gloves?”

    Like

  35. 39
    The Fallen Angel says:

    The escort agency misinterpreted Boris’ request….

    Like

  36. 40
    Rick says:

    BoJo: Good evening young lady, what a charming dress you have on. Fancy a bunk-up?

    PoBe: Sorry, you’re not my type, although you do look a bit like a delinquant schoolboy.

    Like

  37. 41

    Alistair Campbell has taken umbrage at his infamous “We don’t do God” remark, and now claims he was misquoted.

    He meant to say “We don’t do any good”

    Like

  38. 42
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to swap your Popemobile for one of my Borisbikes?”

    Like

  39. 44
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    Get lost, Boris. I’m Benedict’s successor; Pope Tony I

    Like

  40. 45

    “bienvenido a mi casa your Holiness. Sorry its such a shithole, but if they’d let me build ‘Boris island’ you’d have flown into the beautiful Dagenham.

    Like

  41. 46
    AC1 says:

    Pope re-enacts famous Marilyn Monroe scene.

    Like

  42. 47

    Pope: Good heavens they’re cycles,……when you asked if I wanted a go on one of Boris’s bikes I though I was going to shag Petronella Wyatt!!

    Like

  43. 48
    Backwoodsman says:

    Bene obviously hadn’t heard about Boris’ reputation for going after anything in a skirt.

    Like

  44. 49
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” There np lace for homos , There no place for homos ……”

    Like

  45. 50
    Vestry dweller says:

    Boris– ” I can lend you one of those pocket knives that gets Priests out of choirboys if it helps?”

    Like

  46. 52
    Scorpio says:

    I’ve got to sit down. Tell me again. How many girl friends apart from your wife are you confessing to?

    Like

  47. 53
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Boris: “Why do you wear your underpants in the bath?”

    Pope: “Because I don’t like looking down on the unemployed”

    Like

  48. 54
    AFX says:

    Come to Daddy

    Like

  49. 55
    HappyUK says:

    So what’s it like being the Dalai Lama?

    Like

  50. 57
    HappyUK says:

    Eggs Benedict for breakfast then?

    Like

  51. 59
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Pope: “I having got a clue what you’re saying. What kind of language are you talking?”

    Boris: “Latin…”

    Like

  52. 60
    HappyUK says:

    Boris, not even God can help you. Sorry.

    Like

  53. 62
    HappyUK says:

    I am infallible, you see, I was chosen through secret deliberation by a cabal of elders, to represent God.

    I know, Boris, I know ..

    Like

  54. 63
    GrimeLord says:

    Pope: Your not quite what I expected, the advert said seeking you blonde young man for fun!

    Like

  55. 64
    Message to Guido says:

    Guido, get that FOI request into Saint Vince asap to find out the name of this firm that wants to hire 500 specialist engineers from non-EU countries. I bet it is one of the big IT consultancies wanting to use cheap foriegn labour to do taxpayer funded Govt IT work.

    Should be worth a resignation if exposed correctly, like a picture of Vince and the infamous crosshairs.

    Like

    • 67
      MiguelM says:

      Excellent suggestion !

      Like

    • 74
      Backwoodsman says:

      It’s probably Tata , pick ‘em up for peanuts in Poona, use them on a short term contract over here and everyone’s happy – except the poor saps in the British programming sector, who of course are well fucked. Definitely a whiff of deceased rodent about this one Guido

      Like

    • 89
      Marchamont says:

      Can’t be – they’d just rent a broom cupboard in Walthamstow, call ift the London Office and tehen do an intra-company transfer of all 500.

      Like

    • 163
      Anonymous says:

      I wonder if it’s a well established one that’s owned by a certain “up and coming” Tory MP who sits in a constituency just west of London…..? Said company has an incredibly high turnover of staff due to the terrible way the management team treat their employees, and they’ve got plenty of form for importing overseas workers so they can get away with paying a pittance.

      Like

  56. 65
    La' says:

    Boris: if it’s wearing a skirt one might as well have a pop…

    Like

  57. 66
    MiguelM says:

    Boris is plaesed to see how quickly His Holiness has mastered the initial steps of the Hokey Cokey!

    Like

  58. 68
    clunk click every trip says:

    Your holiness. If you accept the fixed penalty notice for not wearing a seatbelt in your popemobile then we can get on with the visit.
    Otherwise we’ll have to clamp it and get it towed away.

    Like

  59. 69
    Ian Paisley says:

    Boris: I’d shag anything in a skirt and at least HE won’t get pregnant.

    Like

  60. 70
    Religeous bigot says:

    “Tell me Benedict, are my children well looked after in a Catholic boarding school?”

    Like

  61. 71
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Boris is shocked after Pope starts talking about grapics fedilty “

    Like

  62. 72
    Anonymous says:

    The shoes? Alitalia onboard shopping…

    Like

  63. 73
    simon r says:

    Welcome to Third World London, lets go through customs now – a certain Mr Paisley is waiting for you all rubber gloved…

    Like

  64. 75
    Gary Elsby Stoke says:

    My guess is Guido, that before this day is out, you will be sent a bottle of pills, a blunt knife and a map of a secluded wood along with two henchmen to help you out.

    Like

  65. 76
    Cardinal Roger Allboyce says:

    I was buggered by my housemaster, does that count?

    Like

  66. 77
    religeous bigot says:

    “Fuck London, where are the children”

    Like

  67. 78
    simon r says:

    Popemobil ? Fuck that, you are going by bendy bus mate, hope you like the ripped seats, scratched windows, crackheads and old ladies smelling of piss.

    Like

  68. 79
    Sir William Waad says:

    “O Father dear Father I’ve come to confess
    I’ve just left a girl in a terrible mess
    Her clothes are in tatters, her t*ts are all bare
    And there’s something inside her that shouldn’t be there.”

    “O Boris dear Boris you could have done better
    But bless you for using no wicked French letter”
    “O Father dear Father you do me unjust;
    I used one of yours but the bloody thing bust.”

    Like

  69. 82
    Anonymous says:

    I didn’t know your Archbishop was in the artillery too – he’s got a group of cannons he wants me to see.

    Like

  70. 83
    religeous bigot says:

    “I can’t wait to get this fucking dress off”

    Pope: “Me neither”.

    Like

  71. 84
    Sir William Waad says:

    Boris:

    “Dominus virtutem approbare, non adhibere debet” if I may say so, your Holiness.

    Like

  72. 86
    Boris says:

    Welcome to London. Please bear in mind protecting child abusers is frowned upon here.

    Like

  73. 87
    Nazi Pope says:

    I’m keen to visit some schools.

    Like

  74. 88
    rattattat says:

    hoi have you got one of those bikes under there- put it back!

    Like

  75. 90
    jgm2 says:

    Actually, Holy Father, I do have one question: Do bears shit in the woods?

    Like

  76. 91
    Mayor says:

    If you can, please avoid protecting any abuse during your visit. I really don’t approve of that sort of thing, old chap.

    Like

  77. 92
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Der Krieg ist vorbei, you stoopid Engerlish!

    Like

  78. 93
    RatZinger says:

    I promised my friends I’d find them some assistants whilst here. Please take me to your schools.

    Like

  79. 94
  80. 95
    Sir William Waad says:

    The effort of combing his hair had exhausted Boris and he had no energy left to straighten his tie.

    Like

  81. 96
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Pope:
    How do you separate the men from the boys in the Vatican?
    Boris:
    ?
    Pope:
    With a fucking crow bar.
    Boris:
    Oi I’m the only joker allowed here sunny Jim.

    Like

  82. 97
    simon r says:

    Tell me young man, do you like gladiator movies…?

    Like

  83. 99
    jgm2 says:

    Boris is looking a bit like Freddie Flintoff there.

    Like

  84. 101
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Tories disprove Gordon Browns “British jobs for British workers ” soundbite .

    Like

  85. 102
    RatZinger says:

    Your country is full of angry atheists! You need a return to good wholesome christian values, like raping children and covering it up, supporting the Nazis, and killing homosexuals and protestants.

    Like

  86. 104
    The Wizard says:

    Pope: “Yes you have ze very good humour Boris. I did indeed click zeese ruby slippers to escape from ze Scotland, ha ha! Maybe ze Englanders zay vill not ignore ze old man underneath ze curtain eh?”

    Like

  87. 105
    simon r says:

    Welcome to London, you will notice that we’ve repaired the damage you nazi c**** caused.

    Like

  88. 107
    RatZinger says:

    I hear you have a Holocaust Museum here? Can I visit? It’ll remind me of the good old days.

    Like

  89. 108
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Boris: I bet it’s great living in the Vatican

    Pope: Isno jus aparti wid spirits an spanki you know Boris.

    Like

  90. 111
    ed says:

    Fuckin’ell friar! Is this geezer wearin his wife’s shoes! Gordon Bennet, well I never!

    Like

  91. 112
    Lydia Dustbin says:

    Ver ist das yellow brick strasse?

    Like

  92. 113
    The Mayor says:

    You say you speak on behalf of jesus and that you believe the earth is 7000 years old? I see. Anyway, the first stop on your visit is a lovely place called Broadmoor.

    Like

    • 235
      Do you beleive in the sky fairy says:

      Bit of a lazy twatt your god, 7000 years and one weeks work. does he not not know how to clim job seekers alowance.

      Like

  93. 115
    BluRay says:

    PB: “And do they check that you are ‘intacta’ before you take office, my son?”
    BJ: “Er, no, they just ask my mistresses…”

    Like

  94. 116
    Nazi Pope visits says:

    Plop: I hear you have barbaric laws here.

    Mayor: We don’t hang people anymore.

    Plop: No, I mean imprisoning child abusers. Most barbaric.

    Like

  95. 117
    Lydia Dustbin says:

    Boris, I vont to rrrride vun off yoor London bikes!

    Blonden, brunetter oder redkopff, Papa?

    Like

  96. 118
    Grandstand says:

    Mayor unveils shock entry for London Marathon

    Like

  97. 119
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Boris:So I read that as a youngster you were forced to join a Fascist regime.

    Pope:Yes but the Hitler youth was worse.not as many perks as the Catholic church.

    Like

  98. 120
    Airey Belvoir says:

    ” So what’s the thinking on adultery these days, Benny old chap?”

    Like

  99. 122
    Popeye says:

    I’m sweating like a rapist in this rigout.

    Like

  100. 123
    mrs. Doyle says:

    Pope: ich hoffe der BBC Streik, our surprise appearance on Strictly Come Dancing nicht stoppt.

    Like

  101. 124

    Tony Blair was always a good Casholic

    Like

  102. 125
    eric wyn roberts says:

    red ken borrowed me them, he said you’d never be able to fill them boris

    Like

  103. 125
    Boris says:

    Are these your ‘Fuck me’ shoes, your holiness?

    Like

  104. 127
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    Any chance of a nindulgence old chap?

    Like

  105. 128
    Drunk lawyer says:

    Boris was relieved that, for once, he wouldn’t get caught shagging the wife of the visiting dignitary.

    Like

  106. 129
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    He’s over her your Holiness

    Like

  107. 131
    Mr Plum says:

    Boris – Nice pumps

    Pope

    Like

  108. 132
    Mr Plum says:

    Boris – Nice pumps

    Like

  109. 133
    jgm2 says:

    Don’t fancy yours much Boris.

    Like

  110. 134
    Pope says:

    I’m off to Chile next as I hear there are some trapped minors.

    Like

  111. 135
    jgm2 says:

    Boris goes ugly early.

    Like

  112. 137
    Jacob Stoatgobbler says:

    Papa, for it is he

    “I have been told that you may show me “Heaven” so I have brought my dancing shoes”

    Boris, Mayor of Bumblecombe

    “Right Ho, we’ll just take a left under the Arches, not my sort of place really but if you insist…….”

    Like

  113. 138
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Gordon Brown: If you would just like to step this way, your Holiness, and may I say on behalf of the people of Great Britain what a pleasure it is to meet you.

    Doctor: *sigh* We’ll have to increase the dosage again

    Like

  114. 139
    Anna Glypta says:

    Boris: ‘S alright mate. You only have to curtsey to me on Tuesdays.

    Like

  115. 140
    jgm2 says:

    I say Ratty old chap, perhaps you can help me with this question that is on everybodies lips…

    Do bears sh1t in the w00ds?

    Like

  116. 141
    Pope says:

    Did I ever show you the ‘Last chicken in the shop?’

    Like

  117. 142
    Dafydd says:

    oh… ahh noo

    it just slipped out…..

    Like

  118. 143
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Boris says: No Mr Pope, I think you misunderstand me, I am not a violent man, but I do like bashing my bishop!

    Like

  119. 144
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    Anti Durex convention meets up

    Like

  120. 146
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Boris: When is a state not a state?

    Pope: I don’t know?

    Boris: When Stephen Fry tweets so.

    Like

  121. 147
    FarmerGiles says:

    London’s man in black escorts alien back home.

    Like

  122. 149
    Pope says:

    So you’re not William Hague then?

    Like

  123. 151
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Pope:So you went to Eton.tell me all about it and don’t leave anything out.

    Like

  124. 154
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Boris: You’d like to visit my dad’s old chip shop?

    Like

  125. 155
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Boris:And on the itinerary we will see Gary Glitter singing.
    ‘I love,you love,you’re only two love’

    Like

  126. 156

    Pope: The last bloke to do my job had a very unfortunate run in with a Turk – you’re not tooled up are you Boris?

    Like

  127. 157
    keddaw says:

    Both: “Who is this blithering idiot?”

    Like

  128. 159
    He's the Leader of the Gang says:

    We couldn’t afford to book Susan Boyle your holiness but we’ve got Gary Glitter and the gang.

    Like

  129. 164
    Anonymous says:

    “One’s got a johnson that’s useless, the other’s a useless Johnson”

    Like

  130. 165
    Warn 'er brothers says:

    Surprise casting for the 2010 remake of ‘The Bodyguard’

    Like

  131. 167
    Indigo says:

    The Government has done well to keep the Vicar of Albion, the man who would out-Pope the Pope, off the air-waves and out of camera shot. Blair is grinding his teeth, thinking “It should have been me hosting the Pope on the first ever official papal visit since the Middle Ages, with Cherie in a black mantilla” – I hope so, anyway.

    Like

  132. 168
    Indigo says:

    State papal visit, I meant.

    Do you think the Pope could single-handedly revive the British shoe industry, like Diana did. Even I want a pair of hand-made soft red leather brogues.

    Like

  133. 169
    Jimmy says:

    New world record set for longest Confession.

    Like

  134. 170
    Boris says:

    I thought you were a left footer!

    Like

  135. 171
    hojoger says:

    You only get one dance with me and, no, I am not going home with you!

    Like

  136. 172
    Boris says:

    Come on…..get out of the gutter

    Like

  137. 173

    I can see Boris saying

    ‘do you want to confess first or do you want me to go’?

    Like

  138. 174

    Boris says

    ‘remember tell my other half word for word we were down the bookies all afternoon’.

    Like

  139. 175

    Boris says

    ‘Really I can be Prime Minister’

    Like

  140. 177
    Anon..anon..anon.... says:

    Pope ” Are you that red prick who’s Mayor Of London?”
    Boris ” No it’s just the reflection from your shoes”

    Like

  141. 178
    Bazz says:

    Himmle Boris, together we could rule the world

    Like

  142. 179
    not done this before says:

    Cinders knew she’d have to leave by midnight or else her footman would turn back into a rat…..

    Like

  143. 180
    Bazz says:

    Tony, you have aged but why the Jewish Hat, negotiations not going too well ?

    Like

  144. 181
    Bazz says:

    Tony, you have aged somewhat

    Like

  145. 183
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    We put ze right foot in
    Ze right foot out
    In out umlaut
    Shake it all abaut….
    You do ze Hopey Popey
    And you tvist and shout
    Zat’s vot its all about!

    Hey do the Dopey Popey
    Hey do the Dopey Popey
    Hey do the Dopey Popey
    Zat’s vot its all about!

    Like

  146. 184
    John Ward says:

    “It’s the black and white ministries show!”

    Like

  147. 185
    John Ward says:

    “You see, Boris, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in…”

    Like

  148. 186
    John Ward says:

    “Boris: is it called Heathrow after that Prime Minister Edward you had back in the early ‘seventies?”

    Like

  149. 187
    Tapestry says:

    Following his 14th birthday in 1941, Ratzinger was conscripted into the Hitler Youth — as membership was required by law for all 14-year old German boys after December 1939[9] — but was an unenthusiastic member who refused to attend meetings.[10]

    His father was an enemy of Nazism, believing it conflicted with the Catholic faith. In 1941, one of Ratzinger’s cousins, a 14-year-old boy with Down syndrome, was taken away by the Nazi regime and killed during the Aktion T4 campaign of Nazi eugenics.[11]

    In 1943, while still in seminary, he was drafted into the German anti-aircraft corps as Luftwaffenhelfer.[10] Ratzinger then trained in the German infantry, but a subsequent illness precluded him from the usual rigours of military duty.

    As the Allied front drew closer to his post in 1945, he deserted back to his family’s home in Traunstein after his unit had ceased to exist, just as American troops established their headquarters in the Ratzinger household. As a German soldier, he was put in a POW camp but was released a few months later at the end of the war in the summer of 1945. He reentered the seminary, along with his brother Georg, in November of that year.

    Like

    • 196
      50 Calibre says:

      I really don’t care what he did in the war. I do care about what he hasn’t done when he was clearly in a position to do something positive about cleaning up the rats nest that is the catholic church. You know, the church that supports those of its member who abuse nuns, boys, girls and god only knows what else its members feel the need to screw. That’s what I care about…

      Like

    • 197
      Anonymous says:

      Boris: You’ll be going by Wellington Arch [1] tonight…

      BXVI: We had one in our garden[2] – I had it made from I shot down[3].

      Like

    • 228
      M'lud says:

      Whatever. It’s still a crap entry for the caption competition. Needs to be shorter and pithier.

      Like

  150. 188
    Private Schultz says:

    Shame you didn’t wait for this one Guido: http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/6280378/best-seating-plan-ever.thtml

    Like

  151. 189
    Lydia Dustbin says:

    Hey Papa – have you heard that your astronomy guy has said “Any entity – no matter how many tentacles it has has a soul”.

    He meant “arseholes”.

    Like

  152. 191
    Kered says:

    Boris thinks.’I’m not bending down in front of you old cpck!’

    Like

  153. 192
    Anonymous says:

    DADDY !

    Like

  154. 193
    Pope taken short says:

    FFS Boris get me to a fuckin toilet will you I need to strangle a darkie. I’ve been up in sweaty sock land all day and my guts are full of fry ups, jock pies and cherryade.

    No problem your popiness but you can use my bog. The one’s around here are full of Roma pikey beggars and dead Albanians.

    Like

  155. 194
    Anonymous says:

    “Boris’ prom date raised a few eyebrows.”

    Like

  156. 199
    flashlight says:

    Anne Widdecombe finds new dance partner at short notice.

    Like

  157. 202
    Elgar says:

    Land of Pope and Tory

    Like

  158. 203
    Moriarty says:

    I’ve heard that Stephen Fry is annoyed that there’s some guy in a dress driving around London in a funny car telling the rest of us how to live our lives.

    Like

  159. 204
    Tapestry says:

    Pope – London is a Godless city.

    And God said ….

    Like

  160. 207
    Anonymous says:

    what ho ho I once war a skirt. No that i’m gay. instead more of a potent female lover but not too much. SAUSAGES!

    Like

  161. 209
    Anonymous says:

    Take me to Mr Blair so we can genuflect togther and give him our loving obedience.

    Like

  162. 211
    daveyone1 says:

    Which one is it they are calling the baffoon?

    Like

  163. 212
    Cruddite says:

    Kiss the floor?

    Kiss my Arse!

    Like

  164. 213
    Ratnerian Crapolite says:

    Your transport is just over here your holiness…

    Eh, you mean that bike??

    Like

  165. 215
    Cynic says:

    “Ere Boris …. the saddles on those fings arent half f***ing ‘ard mate”

    Like

  166. 216
    Cynic says:

    ” I assume that Mrs Pope couldn’t come with you this time”

    Like

  167. 217
    Cynic says:

    Pope “Five minutes in Heathrow and some bastard’s nicked me cap”

    Like

  168. 220
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Boris: What time is Benedictus?

    Pope: After lights out mein kind.

    Like

  169. 222
    Anonymous says:

    Cut the papist crap, eh Guido ?

    Like

  170. 223
    Anonymous says:

    Boris:
    Get out of my Protestant country, papist pedo.

    Like

  171. 224
    Zed says:

    Boris: (On checking out his choice of shoes)

    Follow the yellow brick road, mate. And don’t stop until you drop.

    Like

  172. 229
    YokshireLad says:

    “Right Boris, last one to the bar gets the drinks in!”

    Like

  173. 230
    Summer_Breeze says:

    Sorry I haven’t read through the rest of the thread but I’ll go with…

    ” Anything in a skirt! “

    Like

  174. 231
    EnglishThirdWorlder says:

    Why is this clapped out third world country paying thro’ the nose to the lands of the waving palms – gimme gimme gimme!!

    Like

  175. 233
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst. says:

    Boris:

    Lady Gaga, I have all your records.

    Like

  176. 234
    Turkish twatt says:

    So why do the Germans not wan’t us in Europe?
    Zig Heil have no moore room in are car manufacturing and to many snellies

    Like

  177. 239
    angelnstar says:

    Boris has a much kinder, more compassionate face than the Pope. A point worth mentioning.

    Like

  178. 240
    filipinomonkey says:

    ‘So I have read that you were once a member of the Hitler Youth’

    ‘Still am, and Mayor of London…’

    Like

  179. 241
    Anonymous says:

    They forgot to put the sequins on Judy Garland’s shoes!. What a pantomime dame.

    Like

  180. 243
    Cynic says:

    Just tap your heels Dorothy then you will be back in Kansas and I will be elected again

    Like

  181. 249
    Silvyo Tanner says:

    #
    M#
    *
    *
    *
    *

    PADDINGTON WARE

    *

    ASTA

    Like

  182. 250
    NickyBlister says:

    Papa Razzi: “Ah, yez, Her Johnson, I have ved abowt vor private life… you needs forgiveness my child!”
    Boris: “GUARDS!”

    Like

  183. 251
    annnnonyperson says:

    “Gosh, Boris! Do you think that whilst he was twittering on about sexual abuse of children by priests, that Herr Dawkins realised that the man standing behind him on the platform actually advocates that adults should be allowed to have sex with children as young as nine?”

    “Yes, that’s right! But only sex with atheists, one would presume, eh, Holy Father?”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1311193/PETER-HITCHENS-Question-Who-said-Not-sex-involving-children-unwanted-abusive-Answer-The-Popes-biggest-British-critic.html#ixzz0zUDbYaj2

    You could not make it up.

    Like

  184. 252
    Anonymous Choirboy (unabused) says:

    Responding to criticism about his handling of the Catholic child abuse scandal, the Pope steps out in his best “fuck me” shoes (Copyright2003 Theresa May).

    Like

  185. 253
    Twitterer says:

    Boris: If you’re holiness would just like to hop on that bike

    Pope: With my piles? You must be kidding.

    Like

  186. 254
    Anonymous says:

    Ze left foot in, ze left foot out…………

    Like


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Chris Bryant talks to the Times Diary about a famous gay actor:

“I don’t think I’ve had sex with him. He says we had sex in Clapham. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had sex south of the river”



Progressive Inclusion Champion says:

Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.


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