September 17th, 2010

Friday Caption Competition (PoJo Edition)


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” I was your chior boy “

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “If i click my shoes three times can i go home ?”

  3. 3
    The Watcher says:

    Ja you made zee confesshion Boris but I yi yi you have had so many babies I have to sit down and ask you how come wimmin finet you so sechzy??

  4. 4
    Potkettle says:

    Welcome to the stinking Sh*tehole Heathrow your grace

    Yeah th th thanks pope i’m mayor here

  5. 6
    White Van Man says:

    You know what they say… “Red shoes, No knickers!”

  6. 7
    Marchamont says:

    It’s hard to goosestep in this outfit

  7. 8

    Holy Father, Deadbeat Dad.

  8. 9

    “This no condom business has caused me a problem your holiness”

  9. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry about the fuzzie wuzzies wanting to do you harm but you really are an unpopular figure.

  10. 11

    “Feet up – pat him on the popo – let’s hear him laugh.” (Apology follows.)

  11. 12
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Quite right, Your Holiness – Terminal 1 is the quintescence of the Third World.

  12. 13

    “I am the father of every catholic I meet”

    “Bit like me with the blond kids in my neighbourhood then”.

  13. 14
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Do you want kids with that ?”

  14. 15
    QWERTY says:

    Give me your congestion charge money right now asshole.

  15. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Unlikely leader of millions greets the Pope at Heathrow

  16. 18
    IanVisits says:

    David Cameron reported to be much happier after Boris suddenly changes his mind about his next job.

  17. 19
    Doc Trough says:

    You seem like a nice junge. I’m not wearing any undervestments.

  18. 20
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst says:

    Stop calling me Len yer little gobshoite

  19. 20
    Engineer says:

    “You are good Catholic, my son. I see you do not use ze contraception.”

  20. 22
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Yes the shoes are the same ones that Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of oz. You know, I loved that film as a child, I most admired the guy behind the curtain.

  21. 23

    “Love the red shoes. Care for a dance?”

    “No, for three reasons. First, you’re drunk. Second, this is the National Anthem. Third, I am the Pope.”

  22. 24
    streamfisher says:

    Boris: What happened to the iron cross?

    • 166
      StevenL says:

      Boris thinks: “Fuck me, I hope they haven’t got his feet in, I must look about 6 foot next to this old kraut while he’s bending over. Pope bending over for me, now there’s a thought.”

  23. 26
    Engineer says:

    “You vant me to use zis bike as my official transport in London? Vere you think I put zese vestments?”

  24. 27
    Pope on a dope says:

    ” Phew!……..Thank fuck it’s you Boris and not that dickhead Brown as only one of us can save the world you know”

  25. 28

    “Another red shoes no knickers day then, Pope?”

  26. 29
    Lord Michael Caine says:

    What f*%$!” third world country is this.

  27. 30
    Nigel S says:

    “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

  28. 31
    Posh Tory says:

    Like most in Boris’ presence, the Pope feels obligated to lift his robe.

  29. 32
    bandersnatch says:

    ‘No red carpet in Edinburgh and an outdoor commode in London: a third world country it is indeed, Mr Mayor.’

  30. 33
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    und I played ze vwiff-vwaff viv ze RAF!

  31. 34
    The Pope says:

    I am a friend of Dorothy

  32. 35
    streamfisher says:

    Pope: And lay off the kiss my ring quips please.

  33. 36
    Pope Pourri says:

    Red Shoe priory’s?

  34. 38
    Heathrow Inspector says:

    “Why’s that man over there pulling on rubber gloves?”

  35. 39
    The Fallen Angel says:

    The escort agency misinterpreted Boris’ request….

  36. 40
    Rick says:

    BoJo: Good evening young lady, what a charming dress you have on. Fancy a bunk-up?

    PoBe: Sorry, you’re not my type, although you do look a bit like a delinquant schoolboy.

  37. 41

    Alistair Campbell has taken umbrage at his infamous “We don’t do God” remark, and now claims he was misquoted.

    He meant to say “We don’t do any good”

  38. 42
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to swap your Popemobile for one of my Borisbikes?”

  39. 44
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    Get lost, Boris. I’m Benedict’s successor; Pope Tony I

  40. 45

    “bienvenido a mi casa your Holiness. Sorry its such a shithole, but if they’d let me build ‘Boris island’ you’d have flown into the beautiful Dagenham.

  41. 46
    AC1 says:

    Pope re-enacts famous Marilyn Monroe scene.

  42. 47

    Pope: Good heavens they’re cycles,……when you asked if I wanted a go on one of Boris’s bikes I though I was going to shag Petronella Wyatt!!

  43. 48
    Backwoodsman says:

    Bene obviously hadn’t heard about Boris’ reputation for going after anything in a skirt.

  44. 49
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” There np lace for homos , There no place for homos ……”

  45. 50
    Vestry dweller says:

    Boris– ” I can lend you one of those pocket knives that gets Priests out of choirboys if it helps?”

  46. 52
    Scorpio says:

    I’ve got to sit down. Tell me again. How many girl friends apart from your wife are you confessing to?

  47. 53
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Boris: “Why do you wear your underpants in the bath?”

    Pope: “Because I don’t like looking down on the unemployed”

  48. 54
    AFX says:

    Come to Daddy

  49. 55
    HappyUK says:

    So what’s it like being the Dalai Lama?

  50. 57
    HappyUK says:

    Eggs Benedict for breakfast then?

  51. 59
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Pope: “I having got a clue what you’re saying. What kind of language are you talking?”

    Boris: “Latin…”

  52. 60
    HappyUK says:

    Boris, not even God can help you. Sorry.

  53. 62
    HappyUK says:

    I am infallible, you see, I was chosen through secret deliberation by a cabal of elders, to represent God.

    I know, Boris, I know ..

  54. 63
    GrimeLord says:

    Pope: Your not quite what I expected, the advert said seeking you blonde young man for fun!

  55. 64
    Message to Guido says:

    Guido, get that FOI request into Saint Vince asap to find out the name of this firm that wants to hire 500 specialist engineers from non-EU countries. I bet it is one of the big IT consultancies wanting to use cheap foriegn labour to do taxpayer funded Govt IT work.

    Should be worth a resignation if exposed correctly, like a picture of Vince and the infamous crosshairs.

    • 67
      MiguelM says:

      Excellent suggestion !

    • 74
      Backwoodsman says:

      It’s probably Tata , pick ‘em up for peanuts in Poona, use them on a short term contract over here and everyone’s happy – except the poor saps in the British programming sector, who of course are well fucked. Definitely a whiff of deceased rodent about this one Guido

    • 89
      Marchamont says:

      Can’t be – they’d just rent a broom cupboard in Walthamstow, call ift the London Office and tehen do an intra-company transfer of all 500.

    • 163
      Anonymous says:

      I wonder if it’s a well established one that’s owned by a certain “up and coming” Tory MP who sits in a constituency just west of London…..? Said company has an incredibly high turnover of staff due to the terrible way the management team treat their employees, and they’ve got plenty of form for importing overseas workers so they can get away with paying a pittance.

  56. 65
    La' says:

    Boris: if it’s wearing a skirt one might as well have a pop…

  57. 66
    MiguelM says:

    Boris is plaesed to see how quickly His Holiness has mastered the initial steps of the Hokey Cokey!

  58. 68
    clunk click every trip says:

    Your holiness. If you accept the fixed penalty notice for not wearing a seatbelt in your popemobile then we can get on with the visit.
    Otherwise we’ll have to clamp it and get it towed away.

  59. 69
    Ian Paisley says:

    Boris: I’d shag anything in a skirt and at least HE won’t get pregnant.

  60. 70
    Religeous bigot says:

    “Tell me Benedict, are my children well looked after in a Catholic boarding school?”

  61. 71
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    ” Boris is shocked after Pope starts talking about grapics fedilty “

  62. 72
    Anonymous says:

    The shoes? Alitalia onboard shopping…

  63. 73
    simon r says:

    Welcome to Third World London, lets go through customs now – a certain Mr Paisley is waiting for you all rubber gloved…

  64. 75
    Gary Elsby Stoke says:

    My guess is Guido, that before this day is out, you will be sent a bottle of pills, a blunt knife and a map of a secluded wood along with two henchmen to help you out.

  65. 76
    Cardinal Roger Allboyce says:

    I was buggered by my housemaster, does that count?

  66. 77
    religeous bigot says:

    “Fuck London, where are the children”

  67. 78
    simon r says:

    Popemobil ? Fuck that, you are going by bendy bus mate, hope you like the ripped seats, scratched windows, crackheads and old ladies smelling of piss.

  68. 79
    Sir William Waad says:

    “O Father dear Father I’ve come to confess
    I’ve just left a girl in a terrible mess
    Her clothes are in tatters, her t*ts are all bare
    And there’s something inside her that shouldn’t be there.”

    “O Boris dear Boris you could have done better
    But bless you for using no wicked French letter”
    “O Father dear Father you do me unjust;
    I used one of yours but the bloody thing bust.”

  69. 82
    Anonymous says:

    I didn’t know your Archbishop was in the artillery too – he’s got a group of cannons he wants me to see.

  70. 83
    religeous bigot says:

    “I can’t wait to get this fucking dress off”

    Pope: “Me neither”.

  71. 84
    Sir William Waad says:


    “Dominus virtutem approbare, non adhibere debet” if I may say so, your Holiness.

  72. 86
    Boris says:

    Welcome to London. Please bear in mind protecting child abusers is frowned upon here.

  73. 87
    Nazi Pope says:

    I’m keen to visit some schools.

  74. 88
    rattattat says:

    hoi have you got one of those bikes under there- put it back!

  75. 90
    jgm2 says:

    Actually, Holy Father, I do have one question: Do bears shit in the woods?

  76. 91
    Mayor says:

    If you can, please avoid protecting any abuse during your visit. I really don’t approve of that sort of thing, old chap.

  77. 92
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Der Krieg ist vorbei, you stoopid Engerlish!

  78. 93
    RatZinger says:

    I promised my friends I’d find them some assistants whilst here. Please take me to your schools.

  79. 94
  80. 95
    Sir William Waad says:

    The effort of combing his hair had exhausted Boris and he had no energy left to straighten his tie.

  81. 96
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    How do you separate the men from the boys in the Vatican?
    With a fucking crow bar.
    Oi I’m the only joker allowed here sunny Jim.

  82. 97
    simon r says:

    Tell me young man, do you like gladiator movies…?

  83. 99
    jgm2 says:

    Boris is looking a bit like Freddie Flintoff there.

  84. 101
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Tories disprove Gordon Browns “British jobs for British workers ” soundbite .

  85. 102
    RatZinger says:

    Your country is full of angry atheists! You need a return to good wholesome christian values, like raping children and covering it up, supporting the Nazis, and killing homosexuals and protestants.

  86. 104
    The Wizard says:

    Pope: “Yes you have ze very good humour Boris. I did indeed click zeese ruby slippers to escape from ze Scotland, ha ha! Maybe ze Englanders zay vill not ignore ze old man underneath ze curtain eh?”

  87. 105
    simon r says:

    Welcome to London, you will notice that we’ve repaired the damage you nazi c**** caused.

  88. 107
    RatZinger says:

    I hear you have a Holocaust Museum here? Can I visit? It’ll remind me of the good old days.

  89. 108
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Boris: I bet it’s great living in the Vatican

    Pope: Isno jus aparti wid spirits an spanki you know Boris.

  90. 111
    ed says:

    Fuckin’ell friar! Is this geezer wearin his wife’s shoes! Gordon Bennet, well I never!

  91. 112
    Lydia Dustbin says:

    Ver ist das yellow brick strasse?

  92. 113
    The Mayor says:

    You say you speak on behalf of jesus and that you believe the earth is 7000 years old? I see. Anyway, the first stop on your visit is a lovely place called Broadmoor.

    • 235
      Do you beleive in the sky fairy says:

      Bit of a lazy twatt your god, 7000 years and one weeks work. does he not not know how to clim job seekers alowance.

  93. 115
    BluRay says:

    PB: “And do they check that you are ‘intacta’ before you take office, my son?”
    BJ: “Er, no, they just ask my mistresses…”

  94. 116
    Nazi Pope visits says:

    Plop: I hear you have barbaric laws here.

    Mayor: We don’t hang people anymore.

    Plop: No, I mean imprisoning child abusers. Most barbaric.

  95. 117
    Lydia Dustbin says:

    Boris, I vont to rrrride vun off yoor London bikes!

    Blonden, brunetter oder redkopff, Papa?

  96. 118
    Grandstand says:

    Mayor unveils shock entry for London Marathon

  97. 119
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Boris:So I read that as a youngster you were forced to join a Fascist regime.

    Pope:Yes but the Hitler youth was worse.not as many perks as the Catholic church.

  98. 120
    Airey Belvoir says:

    ” So what’s the thinking on adultery these days, Benny old chap?”

  99. 122
    Popeye says:

    I’m sweating like a rapist in this rigout.

  100. 123
    mrs. Doyle says:

    Pope: ich hoffe der BBC Streik, our surprise appearance on Strictly Come Dancing nicht stoppt.

  101. 124

    Tony Blair was always a good Casholic

  102. 125
    eric wyn roberts says:

    red ken borrowed me them, he said you’d never be able to fill them boris

  103. 125
    Boris says:

    Are these your ‘Fuck me’ shoes, your holiness?

  104. 127
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    Any chance of a nindulgence old chap?

  105. 128
    Drunk lawyer says:

    Boris was relieved that, for once, he wouldn’t get caught shagging the wife of the visiting dignitary.

  106. 129
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    He’s over her your Holiness

  107. 131
    Mr Plum says:

    Boris – Nice pumps


  108. 132
    Mr Plum says:

    Boris – Nice pumps

  109. 133
    jgm2 says:

    Don’t fancy yours much Boris.

  110. 134
    Pope says:

    I’m off to Chile next as I hear there are some trapped minors.

  111. 135
    jgm2 says:

    Boris goes ugly early.

  112. 137
    Jacob Stoatgobbler says:

    Papa, for it is he

    “I have been told that you may show me “Heaven” so I have brought my dancing shoes”

    Boris, Mayor of Bumblecombe

    “Right Ho, we’ll just take a left under the Arches, not my sort of place really but if you insist…….”

  113. 138
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Gordon Brown: If you would just like to step this way, your Holiness, and may I say on behalf of the people of Great Britain what a pleasure it is to meet you.

    Doctor: *sigh* We’ll have to increase the dosage again

  114. 139
    Anna Glypta says:

    Boris: ‘S alright mate. You only have to curtsey to me on Tuesdays.

  115. 140
    jgm2 says:

    I say Ratty old chap, perhaps you can help me with this question that is on everybodies lips…

    Do bears sh1t in the w00ds?

  116. 141
    Pope says:

    Did I ever show you the ‘Last chicken in the shop?’

  117. 142
    Dafydd says:

    oh… ahh noo

    it just slipped out…..

  118. 143
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Boris says: No Mr Pope, I think you misunderstand me, I am not a violent man, but I do like bashing my bishop!

  119. 144
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    Anti Durex convention meets up

  120. 146
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Boris: When is a state not a state?

    Pope: I don’t know?

    Boris: When Stephen Fry tweets so.

  121. 147
    FarmerGiles says:

    London’s man in black escorts alien back home.

  122. 149
    Pope says:

    So you’re not William Hague then?

  123. 151
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Pope:So you went to Eton.tell me all about it and don’t leave anything out.

  124. 154
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Boris: You’d like to visit my dad’s old chip shop?

  125. 155
    Pope Ringstinger says:

    Boris:And on the itinerary we will see Gary Glitter singing.
    ‘I love,you love,you’re only two love’

  126. 156

    Pope: The last bloke to do my job had a very unfortunate run in with a Turk – you’re not tooled up are you Boris?

  127. 157
    keddaw says:

    Both: “Who is this blithering idiot?”

  128. 159
    He's the Leader of the Gang says:

    We couldn’t afford to book Susan Boyle your holiness but we’ve got Gary Glitter and the gang.

  129. 164
    Anonymous says:

    “One’s got a johnson that’s useless, the other’s a useless Johnson”

  130. 165
    Warn 'er brothers says:

    Surprise casting for the 2010 remake of ‘The Bodyguard’

  131. 167
    Indigo says:

    The Government has done well to keep the Vicar of Albion, the man who would out-Pope the Pope, off the air-waves and out of camera shot. Blair is grinding his teeth, thinking “It should have been me hosting the Pope on the first ever official papal visit since the Middle Ages, with Cherie in a black mantilla” – I hope so, anyway.

  132. 168
    Indigo says:

    State papal visit, I meant.

    Do you think the Pope could single-handedly revive the British shoe industry, like Diana did. Even I want a pair of hand-made soft red leather brogues.

  133. 169
    Jimmy says:

    New world record set for longest Confession.

  134. 170
    Boris says:

    I thought you were a left footer!

  135. 171
    hojoger says:

    You only get one dance with me and, no, I am not going home with you!

  136. 172
    Boris says:

    Come on…..get out of the gutter

  137. 173

    I can see Boris saying

    ‘do you want to confess first or do you want me to go’?

  138. 174

    Boris says

    ‘remember tell my other half word for word we were down the bookies all afternoon’.

  139. 175

    Boris says

    ‘Really I can be Prime Minister’

  140. 177
    Anon..anon..anon.... says:

    Pope ” Are you that red prick who’s Mayor Of London?”
    Boris ” No it’s just the reflection from your shoes”

  141. 178
    Bazz says:

    Himmle Boris, together we could rule the world

  142. 179
    not done this before says:

    Cinders knew she’d have to leave by midnight or else her footman would turn back into a rat…..

  143. 180
    Bazz says:

    Tony, you have aged but why the Jewish Hat, negotiations not going too well ?

  144. 181
    Bazz says:

    Tony, you have aged somewhat

  145. 183
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    We put ze right foot in
    Ze right foot out
    In out umlaut
    Shake it all abaut….
    You do ze Hopey Popey
    And you tvist and shout
    Zat’s vot its all about!

    Hey do the Dopey Popey
    Hey do the Dopey Popey
    Hey do the Dopey Popey
    Zat’s vot its all about!

  146. 184
    John Ward says:

    “It’s the black and white ministries show!”

  147. 185
    John Ward says:

    “You see, Boris, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in…”

  148. 186
    John Ward says:

    “Boris: is it called Heathrow after that Prime Minister Edward you had back in the early ‘seventies?”

  149. 187
    Tapestry says:

    Following his 14th birthday in 1941, Ratzinger was conscripted into the Hitler Youth — as membership was required by law for all 14-year old German boys after December 1939[9] — but was an unenthusiastic member who refused to attend meetings.[10]

    His father was an enemy of Nazism, believing it conflicted with the Catholic faith. In 1941, one of Ratzinger’s cousins, a 14-year-old boy with Down syndrome, was taken away by the Nazi regime and killed during the Aktion T4 campaign of Nazi eugenics.[11]

    In 1943, while still in seminary, he was drafted into the German anti-aircraft corps as Luftwaffenhelfer.[10] Ratzinger then trained in the German infantry, but a subsequent illness precluded him from the usual rigours of military duty.

    As the Allied front drew closer to his post in 1945, he deserted back to his family’s home in Traunstein after his unit had ceased to exist, just as American troops established their headquarters in the Ratzinger household. As a German soldier, he was put in a POW camp but was released a few months later at the end of the war in the summer of 1945. He reentered the seminary, along with his brother Georg, in November of that year.

    • 196
      50 Calibre says:

      I really don’t care what he did in the war. I do care about what he hasn’t done when he was clearly in a position to do something positive about cleaning up the rats nest that is the catholic church. You know, the church that supports those of its member who abuse nuns, boys, girls and god only knows what else its members feel the need to screw. That’s what I care about…

    • 197
      Anonymous says:

      Boris: You’ll be going by Wellington Arch [1] tonight…

      BXVI: We had one in our garden[2] – I had it made from I shot down[3].

    • 228
      M'lud says:

      Whatever. It’s still a crap entry for the caption competition. Needs to be shorter and pithier.

  150. 188
  151. 189
    Lydia Dustbin says:

    Hey Papa – have you heard that your astronomy guy has said “Any entity – no matter how many tentacles it has has a soul”.

    He meant “arseholes”.

  152. 191
    Kered says:

    Boris thinks.’I’m not bending down in front of you old cpck!’

  153. 192
    Anonymous says:

    DADDY !

  154. 193
    Pope taken short says:

    FFS Boris get me to a fuckin toilet will you I need to strangle a darkie. I’ve been up in sweaty sock land all day and my guts are full of fry ups, jock pies and cherryade.

    No problem your popiness but you can use my bog. The one’s around here are full of Roma pikey beggars and dead Albanians.

  155. 194
    Anonymous says:

    “Boris’ prom date raised a few eyebrows.”

  156. 199
    flashlight says:

    Anne Widdecombe finds new dance partner at short notice.

  157. 202
    Elgar says:

    Land of Pope and Tory

  158. 203
    Moriarty says:

    I’ve heard that Stephen Fry is annoyed that there’s some guy in a dress driving around London in a funny car telling the rest of us how to live our lives.

  159. 204
    Tapestry says:

    Pope – London is a Godless city.

    And God said ….

  160. 207
    Anonymous says:

    what ho ho I once war a skirt. No that i’m gay. instead more of a potent female lover but not too much. SAUSAGES!

  161. 209
    Anonymous says:

    Take me to Mr Blair so we can genuflect togther and give him our loving obedience.

  162. 211
    daveyone1 says:

    Which one is it they are calling the baffoon?

  163. 212
    Cruddite says:

    Kiss the floor?

    Kiss my Arse!

  164. 213
    Ratnerian Crapolite says:

    Your transport is just over here your holiness…

    Eh, you mean that bike??

  165. 215
    Cynic says:

    “Ere Boris …. the saddles on those fings arent half f***ing ‘ard mate”

  166. 216
    Cynic says:

    ” I assume that Mrs Pope couldn’t come with you this time”

  167. 217
    Cynic says:

    Pope “Five minutes in Heathrow and some bastard’s nicked me cap”

  168. 220
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Boris: What time is Benedictus?

    Pope: After lights out mein kind.

  169. 222
    Anonymous says:

    Cut the papist crap, eh Guido ?

  170. 223
    Anonymous says:

    Get out of my Protestant country, papist pedo.

  171. 224
    Zed says:

    Boris: (On checking out his choice of shoes)

    Follow the yellow brick road, mate. And don’t stop until you drop.

  172. 229
    YokshireLad says:

    “Right Boris, last one to the bar gets the drinks in!”

  173. 230
    Summer_Breeze says:

    Sorry I haven’t read through the rest of the thread but I’ll go with…

    ” Anything in a skirt! “

  174. 231
    EnglishThirdWorlder says:

    Why is this clapped out third world country paying thro’ the nose to the lands of the waving palms – gimme gimme gimme!!

  175. 233
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst. says:


    Lady Gaga, I have all your records.

  176. 234
    Turkish twatt says:

    So why do the Germans not wan’t us in Europe?
    Zig Heil have no moore room in are car manufacturing and to many snellies

  177. 239
    angelnstar says:

    Boris has a much kinder, more compassionate face than the Pope. A point worth mentioning.

  178. 240
    filipinomonkey says:

    ‘So I have read that you were once a member of the Hitler Youth’

    ‘Still am, and Mayor of London…’

  179. 241
    Anonymous says:

    They forgot to put the sequins on Judy Garland’s shoes!. What a pantomime dame.

  180. 243
    Cynic says:

    Just tap your heels Dorothy then you will be back in Kansas and I will be elected again

  181. 249
    Silvyo Tanner says:





  182. 250
    NickyBlister says:

    Papa Razzi: “Ah, yez, Her Johnson, I have ved abowt vor private life… you needs forgiveness my child!”
    Boris: “GUARDS!”

  183. 251
    annnnonyperson says:

    “Gosh, Boris! Do you think that whilst he was twittering on about sexual abuse of children by priests, that Herr Dawkins realised that the man standing behind him on the platform actually advocates that adults should be allowed to have sex with children as young as nine?”

    “Yes, that’s right! But only sex with atheists, one would presume, eh, Holy Father?”

    You could not make it up.

  184. 252
    Anonymous Choirboy (unabused) says:

    Responding to criticism about his handling of the Catholic child abuse scandal, the Pope steps out in his best “fuck me” shoes (Copyright2003 Theresa May).

  185. 253
    Twitterer says:

    Boris: If you’re holiness would just like to hop on that bike

    Pope: With my piles? You must be kidding.

  186. 254
    Anonymous says:

    Ze left foot in, ze left foot out…………

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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