September 14th, 2010

+++ CPI Still High Above Bank of England Target +++

Every month consensus economists* and the Bank of England predict inflation will fall, Mervyn King even talks about the threat from deflation – Guido sees that merely as an excuse to justify printing even more money via quantitative easing (QE). QE means inflation is inevitable.

Get your wheelbarrows out, stock up on gold and baked beans. If you can, buy a productive asset, like farm land – it is an inflation hedge and you won’t go hungry. Here comes inflation – as it always does when governments turn on the printing presses…

See also : Coming Soon : Double Digit Inflation, Double Digit Inflation is a Black Swan, Bank of England Pension Fund Surges Betting on Inflation, Yo Dude, Where’s the Deflation?, UK Dec CPI Posts Largest Jump On Record to 2.9%, Growing Unease About Old Lady’s Secrecy, Something Odd in the Banking Bill

*Liam Halligan and Andrew Lilico being honourable exceptions


434 Comments

  1. 1
    P. Doff says:

    Do bean counters stock up on beans?

    Like

    • 13
      WikiBeanCounter says:

      “Most commercial canned baked beans are made from haricot beans, also known as navy beans – a variety of Phaseolus vulgaris – in a sauce”

      Like

    • 19
      13eastie says:

      Recession.
      Uncontrolled inflation.
      Millions unemployed.
      Currency collapsed.
      De facto downgrade of gilts.
      Rabid trade unionists off the leash.

      Oh, and Labour has just been kicked out of office?

      Sound familiar?

      Like

      • 27
        Anonymous says:

        ‘New and improved’ NewLabia added uncontrolled immigration last time round. Hence a million recipients plus more in rents and unemployment benefit to pay by the state.

        Like

      • 30
        Labour Fuckwit says:

        It’s all Maggie’s fault.

        Like

        • 64
          Gordon Brown, addressing the trees on his (supervised) walk in Currcuddy Lunatic Asylum Grounds says:

          The Nation needs me as never before.

          Only I, as befits a Hero and Man Of Courage, can instill the Right Spirit and bring an End To Boom And Bust.

          Can I do a jobby behind that tree nurse? That, or I’ll shit mesel’ again this morning!

          Like

        • 70
          Arthur Scargill says:

          Right lads after me, Maggie Maggie Maggie, Out Out Out!

          Like

      • 60
        White Van Man says:

        Fucking hell, its like jumping in a delorean and going back in time!

        Like

      • 63
        There's Trouble at Mill! says:

        Right lads, down tools and fuck the job!

        Like

        • 77
          There's Trouble at BBC! says:

          Right lads lassies and inbetweenies, down blackberry’s and fuck the biased brainwashing!

          Like

          • Anonymous says:

            UK plc wouldn’t notice any difference you egocentric overpaid militant wankers.

            Like

          • AC1 says:

            I’m looking forward to a bunch of expensive paper-pushers demonstrating how irrelevant what they do is.

            Like

          • UK is Crap says:

            called in the central heating man today. Told him the problem. Agreed it was the valve that needed replacement. He arrived but didn’t have valve on the van – calling again tomorrow….

            later….. freezer engineer called to repair freezer (appt made 3 weeks ago – not urgent for them). Arrived and whipped his computer out. Found the problem. Said it needed a new circuit board. Didn’t have one on the van. He could get one sent but would be useless as I couldn’t programme it. – calling again next week after having ordered part…..

            Don’t ya just love this country …..

            Oh, hang on it’s FedEx outside … what, the wine (Mouton Rothschild) I ordered from Bordeaux,France yesterday has just arrived. Now that’s customer service for ya!!!

            Like

        • 304
          Smig says:

          Go on and strike you stupid public sector fools. It won’t make a scrap of difference. The same pile of boxes to be ticked will still be there when you go back to your comfortable, fluffy, politically correct offices.

          Public Sector: It’s the retarded kid brother that eats all the crisps, drinks all the pop and vomits over everyone elses shoes.

          Like

    • 213
      George Fourskins Being of Sound Mind in this Parish of Eurineland says:

      It’s just as well as the Tory – Limp-Ducks are ‘In Charge’. If either of the Chuckle Bros Milipeds and their Marxist-Leninist Commie Muppets of Liarbor, along with Paw McRuin-Broone were still in Orrifice…. They would be running the printing machines in the Treasury or wherever, hot foot 24/7 for more Quantitative Easment and Monopoly Money. They would then be spending like Drunks on Pub crawl after finding a wallet full of cash in the street.

      Of course for the Liarbor Party in gubber’munts – this would be the norm. The ‘Wicked Witch of the West’. Baroness Thatcher would get the blame for everything, not only the UK’s economic and social woes…. But the whole World’s.

      No Liarbor/Socialshit/Commie/Marxist-Leninist Gubbermunts take responsibility for their own stupidity…… “It’s always somebody else’s fault!!”

      Anyway…. I like cans of cold Baked Beans….. the additional farting materials will keep the internal temperatures in my house up…..

      As for the Liarbor Party…. well they can go get screwed every-which-way………. ‘coz they have totally screwed everything else up…. You W*nkas…..

      Like

    • 281
    • 282
      Postlethwaite says:

      Oh great luminary Guido,

      You promised us a split in the coalition government by now.
      Where is the split? Or is it another of your barmy predictions?

      Postle

      Like

  2. 2
    anonymous says:

    …. but but but, the BBC are reporting that inflation is massively high and stayed at the same level as last month, 3.1% (ie not gone up further!!)

    Seems they want it all ways ….

    Like

  3. 3
    Gordon Brown says:

    I left the coalition a golden economic legacy which they’ve destroyed.

    Like

    • 5
      DC says:

      Yeah, thanks for that Gordo, top job.

      Like

      • 11
        George W. says:

        Yeah Browny, at least I spent my money colonizing the rest of the world.

        Like

        • 48
          George W Bush says:

          But Bill Gates and I got the DDT back into the Third World and malaria is being successfully beaten back.

          Socialism (Green Department) opened the door to millions of Third World deaths since the 1970 Ban.

          Green plus Socialism = cultural imperialism of pseudoscience.

          Like

          • Unsworth says:

            Fewer dead darkies means more mouths to feed. Is Gates picking up the tab – or is Bush?

            Or are they all going to starve to death, anyway?

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            This is, and has always been, and always will be, Africa’s biggest problem. Its population doubles every 30 years (+2.2% p/a).

            They’re always going to keep running out of food.

            Like

          • George W Bush says:

            There is no world food shortage. There is just bad governance in the form an unholy alliance of the victim industry (NGOs) and corrupt Third World regimes.

            Oxfam needs suffering for Oxfam to be Oxfam. Like Socialism needs ‘poverty’ in all its guises to be Socialism. If necessary import.

            Like

          • Unsworth says:

            So, ban DDT again. Then we can finally rid ourselves of Oxfam.

            Like

          • Agent Orange says:

            and darkies

            Like

          • Mr Ned says:

            There is more than enough farmable land in Africa to feed the entire planet several times over. However a massive amount of the land that could be used for farming will not be used because of the wars and conflicts and corruption of the governments in Africa. This is a real ecological catastrophe with human causes (unlike CO2 bollocks)

            The problem is not growing enough food, the problem is egotistical rich bastards with guns preventing the people from getting to food, or food from being delivered to people who need it.

            Where food scarcity exists, it is because of inhuman, cruel, corrupt Governance.

            One scientific study showed that with the right land and sea management, with sustainable crops and fishing, that the earth could theoretically support a maximum of 130 Billion humans.

            Obviously that would be hideous and the waste from that size population does not bear thinking about, but it shows that any scarcity only exists because people allow and ensure that it exists.

            As the human population has doubled since the 1960’s, The Malthusian alarmists were not only predicting another ice age, then the earth burning to a crisp, they were also predicting mass starvation as the earth would never be able to keep up with the demands placed on it from the increasing population. Thankfully the Malthusians were completely wrong and our capacity to produce food overtook the rate of population growth and the world is better fed today, with almost 7 billion people, than at any point in the last 200 years. The amount of food per capita has increased as populations have increased. The amount of calories consumed per capita have increased as the population increased and the amount of protein consumed has increased as the population has increased too. The food per-capita figures from the UN are more reliable a figure than the money Per-capita as one person can skew the figures for income and wealth by having millions of pounds. They cannot skew them by having a million breakfasts!

            This green earth CAN provide for all of humanities needs. We in the affluent West throw away enough food each year to feed the world.

            There is massive amounts of food wasted both before purchase, due to the food not being exactly the right shape, colour, size,and being rejected by the supermarkets, to being thrown away as they reach their display by dates and then thrown away as people buy more food than they need and it goes off. Added together, all these reasons for food waste creates a mountain of food which is simply thrown away, or used in manufacturing processes to create mulch or methane for industrial burners.

            The idea that there is not enough food to go around is a load of Bullshit put out to increase fear and compliance with greedy people with guns.

            It is a crime that ANY human goes hungry when there is more than enough food to go round!

            Like

          • herewegoagain says:

            On the nose, Mr Ned, but no-one will listen, especially those at the top. Far easier to carry on receiving the corporate dollar, less so to think of alternatives.

            Like

          • Unsworth says:

            Bang on, Mr Ned. The African squats in the dust with palms outstretched waiting for the next handout. The White Man’s Burden, eh?

            Like

  4. 4
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    In mediaeval times, governments would clip the coin of the realm and blame the resulting mess on the bankers. Haven’t learnt much, have we?

    Like

  5. 6
    JJ says:

    or move to Switzerland.

    Like

    • 124
      simon r says:

      Yeah and take Gordon with you and book him into Dignitas.

      ( or just cut out the middle man and hit him over the head with a fucking spade )

      Like

  6. 8
    FFS says:

    Modern Conservatives are just not equipped to deal with this kind of economic crisis.

    They are in complete denial – ring fencing the EU Tax & DFID is symptomatic of their delusional state regarding the nations fiscal plight.

    I am so glad I voted UKIP.

    Like

    • 17
      Anonymous says:

      Hear hear!

      Amen to that. The Cons are nearly as bad as Labour fuckers.

      Like

      • 239
        Lord Michael Caine says:

        ” The Cons are nearly as bad as Labour fuckers.”

        Now a lot of people know that.

        Like

        • 301
          Mr Ned says:

          The cons are still a massive improvement on labour, but they are still far short of what we need.

          Labour…………..Tory Coalition…………………………………UKIP
          |_____________|_________|___________________________|
          Shit ……………OK but still a bit shit…………………………..Good

          Like

        • 334
          Anonymous says:

          Sir Lord Michael of Caine

          I respectfully suggest that a lot of people know that the Progressive/Marxist Tories are even worse than Labour, but are in deep denial.

          Like

    • 23
      Unelected emperor Herman van Rumpypumpy says:

      My dear subjects of North West Europe.

      I acknowledge receipt of yesterday’s UK payment of £45million, and today’s, which arrived at lunchtime. Make sure tomorrow’s £45million arrives on time, won’t you?

      I trust all’s well, but I don’t really care. Cheerio, cash-cows.

      Like

      • 329
        Gangsta "Cast Iron" Dave says:

        Hey Boss. Did what you wanted and cancelled the Queen’s Speech. Most of the stupid bastards didn’t notice we’d switched it with Barosso’s State of the Union one. They’ll forget next year that we’re even supposed to open parliament. To make sure, we’ll just stoke up some shit about unemployed people being lazy. Idiots!

        The funniest thing – our pals at the BBC (don’t believe what you read in the Mail. It’s just to make the backwoodsmen think we aren’t a bunch of Marxists) got the slaves to whisper the first verse of “God Save the Queen” at the Proms on Saturday. What a bunch of slaves.

        Like

    • 247
      NotMeGuv says:

      And a lot of good that did, well I suppose you can stand on the sidelines and shout “don’t blame me”.

      Like

      • 315
        Another UKIP voter says:

        Actually it feels really good to know that I didn’t personally enable a bunch of treasonous criminals.

        How’s that working for you? Don’t worry. In a couple of years time the other half of the LibLabCon will have mesmorized you, and you will be able to vote for them. Slave.

        Like

  7. 9
    Fuckin Sick of Them says:

    bloody hell, DP gone green FFS!!

    went into my new, local CooP today to find you have to buy bags now. Green one they have says “co-operative bags are for life not just for one shopping trip” This is blatant propagandist rubbish. Also says ” made from minimum 50% recycled post-consumer waste” What the fuck does that mean – are these post-consumer times we live in…??? WTF

    Like

    • 20
      AC1 says:

      If they get the chance bureaucrats will ration EVERYTHING you need.

      Like

      • 119
        Engineer says:

        ….and everything you don’t actually need but would quite like.

        Like

        • 136
          AC1 says:

          IF you decide to pay for it using money you earned, then you need it.

          I don’t like the idea that someone else can decide your “needs”.

          Like

          • Engineer says:

            In fairness, an original watercolour is not a “need” in the sense that food and clothing are, but buying fine art improves your living space and provides a means to earn a living to the artist. It’s libertarian and life-enhancing, but all too easy for totalitarians to ration, control or eliminate. For that reason, in a free society all forms of free human expression must be encouraged, whether they are “needs” or not.

            Like

          • AC1 says:

            I disagree. There’s a hierarchy of needs (that increases in ability to substitute). but what you buy with your own money is by definition a need.

            Like

          • Engineer says:

            A Bentley can’t be defined as a “need” when you can buy a Ford Mondeo that will do a perfectly adequate job. But if you have the money, and wish to buy a Bentley, why not?

            Like

          • AC1 says:

            Yes it can. You Needed the luxury, you don’t NEED a car you can walk, you don’t NEED to walk you can call..

            That leads to you don’t need anything but to be locked in a box in a coma and fed through a tube.

            Like

          • Mr Ned says:

            Maslow created a hierarchy of needs, This pyramid is certainly compelling as a theory.

            For example, how unimportant to you is higher thinking and theorising about fine art, when you are dying for a piss? Satisfying the physical need for a piss transcends all other higher needs on the pyramid at that time.

            Likewise the need for security outweighs the need for status. People will hand over their status symbols if their security is threatened with firearms.

            He theorised that people need to satisfy lower needs before higher needs can be met and that even if the higher needs are met, they will be sacrificed to maintain lower needs.

            For example, Few people achieve self-Actualisation (for example becoming a world champion) whereas everyone finds the time and place to take a piss, even if it costs them their need for dignity occasionally.

            Like

          • jimmy hill says:

            yes

            but didn’t Maslow also manage Derby County in the sixties??

            Like

    • 33
      The Truth says:

      Don’t shop in the co-op, as they are the ones Labour owes all their debt too, shopping in co-op keeps the labour party in your life.

      Like

    • 87
      getting shit on says:

      shit you havent ate yet

      Like

    • 316
      Smig says:

      This would be the same “post-consumer waste” that I have to sort into seperate bins in order for my city council to collect it and sell it to recycled material companies at a profit to themselves.

      The very same “post-consumer waste” that if I don’t sort it and put it out in a different bin, the Environazis will try and take me to court, in order to extract a few more coin from my pocket.

      Here’s the kicker. That “post-consumer waste” belongs to me. I paid for it when it was wrapped around a load of sausages and milk. Why the fuck should I be forced to give it to a bunch of fucking imbeciles that thought investing in Iceland was a good idea.

      Fuck ‘em all. I hope they all die of Amoebic Dysentry.

      Like

  8. 10
    me says:

    they are protecting the housing market as soon as they start to raise interest the middle class mortgage holiday will end and they will start throwing the toys out and repos will go through the roof-fact is property is massively overvalued and propped up by low interest immigration and housuing benefit

    Like

    • 22
      AC1 says:

      you fogot to add that low land affordability (high house prices) are great for banks and taxers, but terrible for everyone else in the economy.

      Like

    • 39
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      The middle class will survive. Mum’s motorised shopping trolley might have to go, and the 3 weeks in the WI cancelled, but the mortgage will be paid up. The sufferers will be the upwardly mobile working class, young couples starting their first mortgage, and the elderly and others on fixed incomes. It is they who could lose everything.

      Like

      • 51
        me says:

        one thing is for sure,the establishment will do ok the Huntheads

        Like

      • 142
        Engineer says:

        If we’re not careful, we’ll end up with a generation who can’t afford their own house at all. In time, house prices will either fall, or remain stable while wages and prices of everything else rises because nobody can afford to buy and the house mark*t will slow. The generation after the next might have more chance.

        The other thing we don’t have enough of is rental housing to accomodate those who would have bought if they could afford to.

        Like

        • 318
          Uncontrolled border says:

          The rented sector is almost all taken up and rents kept artificially high by, millions of new arrivals.

          Like

        • 384
          Anonymous says:

          Wait until we inevitably adopt euro-style tenancy laws. Trust me on this – I have immediate relatives in 3 other EU countries and I have private and commercial property in europe. The rental market that we are accustomed to will get fkd beyond belief.

          Like

      • 212
        Colonel Blimp. says:

        Does that men that I, with cash of up to £90K can buy a really cheap house?

        Like

    • 65
      buddy can you spare a dime says:

      homelessness will skyrocket.

      Like

  9. 12

    If you look at the charts in the BoE August inflation report ( http://www.bankofengland.co.uk/publications/inflationreport/irfanch.htm ) it clearly shows that they don’t have a fucking clue where inflation is going.

    Like

    • 21
      Anonymous says:

      Fan charts? FAN CHARTS?

      I never learnt that bull shit at school. If I drew a graph and just made up the bits towards the right hand side I would have been given a detention.

      The ‘Fan’ is where the smelly Brown stuff is heading.

      Fucking amateurs.

      Like

    • 71
      Deep Who says:

      Good point – may as well say fuck knows than show that fan chart

      Like

    • 147
      Engineer says:

      Why should the BoE be any different to anybody else?

      There are two types of economist. The type who don’t know what’s going to happen, and the type who don’t know that they don’t know what’s going to happen.

      Like

      • 234
        Bomb's not Jobs says:

        What type of people become economists?

        The people who thought accountancy would be too exciting

        Like

        • 337
          anonymous says:

          all the oxord university students on universally challenged last night will never work in a factory , no they’re all studying the arts and languages and have probably all got top civil service jobs lined up with daddy

          Like

        • 355
          Mr Ned says:

          And people who feel that they ought never be held to account for anything. because if they are ever wrong, it is because “economics is just so darned complicated.”

          It is really simple.

          Central banks create money (mostly) out of thin air and then lend it out charging interest upon it. (Through various ways and means to other banks and Government)

          ONLY the money needed to create the loans is lent into circulation whereas the money to pay back the interest on the loan is NOT created at the same time as the money for the loan. ONLY the loan money is created, NOT the interest.

          There is never enough money in circulation to pay the outstanding debt PLUS the interest on all the loans in existence (by design) so some people will have to go out and borrow more to keep up repayments.

          This NEW money is also created largely out of thin air and without the interest, so the money supply is increased.

          This increase in the money supply is inflationary.

          Sometimes the banks are happy to make lots of loans and create more than enough money to meet the required repayments on the majority of loans at any one time.

          When the banks are making all these additional loans and the money supply increases faster than the loan repayments required, an economic BOOM happens.

          When the Central Banks stop issuing as many loans and call in existing loans then this will contract the money supply, then there is not enough money being added to the amount in circulation to repay loans and people fall into default and we get an economic crash, or a recession.

          At this point the banks take real valuable assets from people in the form of property and land and it cost the Banks NOTHING, just electronic bits of data invented out of thin air and stored in a bank’s computer database.

          IT IS A FUCKING HUGE AND SIMPLE CON! A SCAM! A FUCKING FRAUD!

          Like

      • 249

        Sounds like the Donald Rumsfeld school of economics – “There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.”

        Like

        • 270
          Engineer says:

          Rumsfeld may not have been the wisest statesman ever, but in that statement he was absolutely spot on.

          Unfortunately, there are too many people around who believe their own prognostications without accepting their own limitations.

          Like

    • 376
      Fiddler-Diddler says:

      We are right royally screwed – The BoE are just making up the right side of the chart all blobby and indistinct and calling it a FAN Chart ffs.

      My 2 year old grandaughter paints pictures that look like those Fan Charts … all it shows is that the BoE haven’t got a fucking clue where we are headed!

      Like

  10. 14
    Why don't you take my kids as well says:

    The tax on cash balances is proceeding quite nicely. We thank the Socialist government for their timely assistance and can assure them that their solidariety will not go unrewarded during their many happy years of retirement.

    Association of World Bankers (British Branch)

    .

    Like

  11. 15

    This morning:wholesaleprices in Germany up by 6.4% (Aug 09 > Aug 10); ores and metal(s) up by 21.1%.

    We will see deflation in parts; inflation in others, for both wheelbarrows might be to small.

    caw

    Like

  12. 16
    concrete pump says:

    Try selling cement in the middle east at the moment……..tight bastards.

    Like

  13. 18
    Steves mum says:

    Surely a 1 has been left off from the front of the inflation figure. – 13% plus is more realistic – that’s in the real world of course. Not one Beeb, politicians, quangocrats etc ever come into contact with.

    Like

    • 24
      AC1 says:

      They have expense accounts to cushion themselves from the troubles of the little people.

      I wouldn’t say 13%, but it’s massively above 3.1%(a joke figure).

      FlatScreen Sandwich anyone?

      Like

      • 134
        Bomb's not Jobs says:

        Why is it that the only thing that gos up less than the rate of inflation is the Consumer price Index?

        Like

        • 371
          Mr Ned says:

          I shall tell you what isn’t going up faster than inflation. Wages in the private sector. Stripping out bonuses for executives and bankers, the overall level of private sector payrise is nill, and may be falling.

          In my case I have had my monthly pay reduced by £200.00.

          I am NOT keeping up with inflation. My spending has dropped through the floor and is NOT creating any inflationary pressure in the economy at all.

          It is overseas challenges (cost of raw goods, oil, materials, foods) rising that is causing inflation here. Not rampant wages and rampant consumption or QE.

          The Bank of England is right to say that deflation is more likely medium term, because more and more people are cutting back, repaying debt and facing reductions in income. This situation cannot drive inflation, if anything it is a brake on inflation.

          Increasing costs of food from overseas, oil, materials and raw goods are what is driving inflation here, and neither the Government, nor the bank of England have ANY effect on those things. All they can do is try to reduce the impact of those imported price increases on people and businesses who are already struggling economically with weak demand and poor sales.

          Like

  14. 25
    Next Labour says:

    Comrades, we will make Britain great again. We will protect your child tax credits. We will bring integrity and honesty back into government. Next Labour: For your children and your children’s children.

    Like

    • 36
      Bankrupt 1920's ideology says:

      “we will make Britain great again.”

      That’s a nice promise, Next Labour, but I can’t help but notice that you stuck the word “Comrades” at the start.

      Like

    • 129
      Ed Boll-Hocks says:

      “For your children and your children’s children.”

      To pay for

      Like

    • 140
      Bomb's not Jobs says:

      What about your illegitimate offspring and their illegitimate sprogs are they included?

      Like

  15. 28
    Wayne says:

    Wat be da CPI, blud? Me just like 2 sit and watch Jeremy Kyle all day and get shitfaced on Asda cider, innit. I aint never had a job and thing. Me and my girl Sharon get nuff free benefits. It’s proper sweet, blud. Just got us new Playstation. Better than da one we nicked from shop.

    Like

  16. 29
    UAUAF says:

    Shit !!!

    Like

  17. 31
    Beeboid says:

    Inflation is that why the numbers on my BBC expense account credit card keep going up and up. Isn’t Maths wonderful. Numbers. Moslem invention. Hey ho!

    Off to Tuscany next week.

    Lots of women standing at the road junctions outside Bologna. I’d like to get to know them a bit better. . Who know’s might get to go a make a documentary. Nice bit of gritty, reality stuff. Make good images. Boots and cleavage. Who are those Italian women. Not that I’m into women, though but I like the sass and attitude. Yum yum.

    Off to Tuscany next week.

    Bye

    Like

    • 50
      South of the M4 says:

      Don’t forget to take your Executive Producer, Day Producer, Assistant Producer and Producer’s Assistant with you.

      Like

      • 114
        Beeboid says:

        Sarky aren’t we. It’s called Team Building. And as Napoleon (dead white male) pointed out (but it probably was Josephine really), an army marches on its stomach. so we will meet up at Da Donatella for some Tuscan peasant food con vino rosso, natch.

        Like

      • 341
        anonymous says:

        and gary lineker and gobby logan

        Like

    • 105
      Susie says:

      Firstly, Mr Beeboid, you’ll find they’re not Italian, more likely Moldavian or some other ex-commie shit hole and secondly, they’re already spoken for — either by their Russian pimps or by Signor Berlusconi.

      Like

    • 224
      Colonel Blimp. says:

      They all all from Bosnia, Serbia and Albania and will only cost you 20€ for a blow job.

      Like

  18. 32
    Tom Tomos says:

    I get the advice about farmland – self-sufficiency and all that. Apparently the best inflation hedge at the moment is helium futures. No, seriously!

    Like

  19. 34
    UAUAF says:

    Scrap the BBC , I dont pay my telly tax for them to strike , Can we go and pelt them with rotten eggs ?

    Like

    • 38
      Warsi says:

      You will be jailed for more than 6 weeks if you do, the last one got 6 so if you ignore the example then its more for you.

      Like

      • 42
        Mohammed Fawkes says:

        At least he didn’t get his hands chopped off.

        Like

      • 56
        Judge Aly (Baghdad judiciary college - failed) now British judge says:

        34 -You will only get sentenced if you pelt one of our ethnic enrichments – special gift from Broon – otherwise you can throw what you like at the stupid dhimmis

        Like

  20. 35
    Got grub got guns says:

    me and Fawkes on the same page for once.

    Like

  21. 49
    Gordon Brown says:

    I know , Lets join the euro !

    Like

    • 111
      White Van Man says:

      Yeah Gordon, lets join Germany in bailing out the PIGS!

      Great fucking idea, now have another fizzy orange and fuck off!

      Like

  22. 57
    UAUAF says:

    Fuck this , The most important question is , Is the duckworth lewis system the fairest way ?

    Like

  23. 59
    purpleline says:

    Get down Sainsbury’s and buy lots of Coffee if you like that drink as Coffee price is about to explode.

    Like

  24. 67
    buddy can you spare a dime says:

    The system is broken, finished,kaput, fucked. QE all they want nothing is going to fix it.

    Like

  25. 69
    me says:

    ive found a nice shop doorway

    Like

    • 184
      Yahoo, it's back to the 60's! says:

      Hey man, no need to stay there man, come round to our squat. We’ve got chicks and trips and weed and everything. We can get really groovy and fuck each other, and afterward we can do meditation and read some Mao.

      Like

    • 191
      Yahoo, it's back to the 60's! says:

      Hey, no need to sleep there man, come back to our squat. We’ve got chicks and trips and weed and everything. We can all fuck each other, then afterwards, we can do meditation and read some Mao.

      Like

  26. 75
    Blame them says:

    when things are totally fucked and you need some fall guys put a bunch of dickhead old Etonians in.

    Like

  27. 76
    It took someone in a powerful position to arrange this says:

    Who high in the government arranged Bily Wrights murder

    Like

  28. 84
    Deep Who says:

    Let’s hope Osborne shows some balls and cuts the holy fuck out of welfare and everything else. Ring fence the NHS? No, burn the sick for fuel. Ring fence international aid? No, colonise and enslave the fuckers.

    Like

  29. 92
    Armageddon says:

    I want it to collapse. Then we can get rid of all the scum from both ends of the scale, the top and bottom. Some will die out on their own. Others will need a hand, or a push.

    Like

  30. 93
    Sir William Waad says:

    We need high inflation to cheat all the people who have lent us money.

    Like

    • 104
      G Michael,weaving says:

      Yeah free house there for some.

      Like

    • 148
      Mammon says:

      Keynesian economists (deficit deniers in public) are guilty of deliberately obscuring the mechanism whereby the debt of the government is monetized by the banking system. They want to create the impression that the public, that is, individual investors at home and abroad buy the government paper for purposes of saving. The truth, however, is that individuals have long since stopped saving in the form of government paper, which they look at as “certificates of guaranteed confiscation”. Their role has been taken over by bond speculators who make a killing on their holdings of bonds when interest rates go down, and they make a killing on their short positions in bond futures when interest rates go up. In either case, they make their profits at the expense of the public.

      Like

  31. 98
    EU says:

    It is an absolute disgrace how the French are treating jipsees. They should follow the example of the British and provide them with houses and regular benefits

    Like

  32. 99
  33. 102
    nell says:

    3.1% inflation?!

    Why is this government still telling the same lies about inflation statistics as the old one?

    Over the last year petrol has gone up by 20%, meat by 30%, airtravel by 16.1% and wheat by 60%………………………….

    So how have they arrived at 3.1% hmm?

    Like

    • 109
      Tessa Tickles says:

      The prices in the HoC bars?

      Like

    • 144
      Gordon says:

      hmmm 20% + 30% + 16.1% + 60%, I make that a 0% rise.

      Like

    • 166
      There are really 76million people in the country says:

      Here’s how it works. You take the total amount spent in the shops and divide it by the total real number of people in the country. As there are actually 76 million people in the UK you always get a lower figure than people expect. Simples.

      Like

    • 207
      Oh joy says:

      Ooo nell, the nice T*ories might be telling you lies.

      Like

      • 260
        nell says:

        Haven’t you heard?

        First requirement to be a politician of any party. at any level is that you must be a champion liar.

        Like

      • 333
        Smig says:

        Here comes the new boss. Same as the old boss.

        Blue, red, or yellow it makes no difference, they’re all liars.

        Although the Blue ones aren’t usually as ugly and vulgar as the Red ones.
        Most of the Yellows are gay vegetarians.

        Like

        • 400
          Prison Gave Me A Sore Arse says:

          Getting raped up the ass is still getting raped up the ass no matter what colour man does it to you.

          Like

  34. 112
    Steven Hawking says:

    This new book i’ve got on anti-gravity is amazing

    I just can’t put it down

    Like

  35. 125
    Agent Orange says:

    A good one from Old Holborn , but if he had added that the state fucked off on taxes a good bit it might be worth it.

    http://www.oldholborn.net/

    Like

  36. 126
    UAUAF says:

    Pull out of the EU save billions

    Like

  37. 131
    The Pope says:

    I like boys.

    Like

  38. 134
    Postal Vote says:

    Not to mention RPI, which is even higher than CPI …

    CPI and postal voting, both huge scams

    Like

  39. 138
    White Van Man says:

    I wonder if George Michael walking in to court room 3 had his soap on a rope with him?

    Like

  40. 139
    Muzee cunt says:

    Death to deodorant! It is evil western inventions! Allaaaah akbaaaaar!

    Like

    • 153
      The Muslim Council of Britistan says:

      When we gain power we shall burn all Mach 3 razors, hair trimmers, scissors and ban all UV protection for white pigs.

      Insha’Allah!

      Like

    • 190
      A Con says:

      One of the greatest pastimes in Belmarsh is dropping bacon rind on the muzzees heads from the top landing. They fucking lose it big time, makes us laugh like fuck.naturally if they object they get the shit kicked out of them.

      Like

      • 258
        Allahu Akbar says:

        We are breeding fast than infidels. Soon we control the prisons. Then we drop you all from top landing. Then we laugh.

        عليه السلام

        Like

        • 294
          Get real with the b'st'rds says:

          More than 10% of prisoners are muslim – freedom of info fig – yet “Guvvernment” keep insisting only 3% of population are muzzies. Oh yeh, I get it – the other 7% are illegal …or……could it be that on the whole they’d rather have 50p bent than a £1 straight?

          Like

  41. 149
    John Prescott says:

    Fuck CPI. Talk about pork pie.

    Like

  42. 150
    Sue Perrin-Junsham says:

    Some loony lefty from Glasgow Uni given airtime on BBC radio 2 to suggest that a 20% levy is raised on the UK’s wealthiest to wipe out the deficit!

    FFS! Some people even agreed!

    Like

    • 168
      Anonymous says:

      A Uni student who can’t add up, no surprise there then!

      Like

      • 185
        Bomb's not Jobs says:

        Yeah I just heard the Hoon. Apparently he is a professor. Absolute bollocks. He didn’t even address the issue of the on-going structural deficit and the need to cut back spending in order to restore balance. He also had no appreciation of the deflationary effect that would result in all the wealthy suddenly disposing of their assets. The government would be left with 20% of sweet F*** all if his plan were ever implemented. No wonder the BBC gave him airtime, Hoons one and all!

        Like

    • 225
      AC1 says:

      Did his parents forget to read him the story of the golden goose?

      Like

    • 233
      The left need to stop talking B*ll*cks says:

      Rather like a levy on Banks and taxation or the policy of splitting up large banking groups which will just re-locate outside UK jurisdiction in the case of Barclays and HSBC(in the case of HSBC they are already heading in the direction of their original base Hong Kong with CEO already re-located. Although they deny that they are considering pulling up sticks they most certainly will if the loonies in the Coalition start suggesting that they will bring forward legislation to spli them up

      As regards a Wealth Tax Labour tried that in the 70;s(heard of the “Brain Drain) and boll*ckeds the economy up then.

      People in the BBC, the left and Labour Party may not like it but the people who will get us out of this mess are firstly the entrepreneurs and secondly the Banks. I’ve never seen a public sector care worker bringing wealth into the economy however laudable their job might be

      Like

      • 365
        Susie says:

        Yep and that’s the City and its 23% tax revenues gone. (Wherever the head office is registered, that’s where they pay tax on their profits). Of course it will suit the Germans who’ve been after the City of London’s business ever since they lost the war.

        Like

    • 280
      Tony says:

      haha – won’t affect me, i’m non dom !

      Like

  43. 152
    ray gosling says:

    i lied

    Like

  44. 157
    Ed Balls (Music Hall Comedian) says:

    ‘ere’s a funny thing, I just got told that I have an unusual name that you don’t hear everyday.

    I thought “well I fucking do”

    Like

  45. 158
    UAUAF says:

    First they came for my beans , I said nothing……..

    Like

    • 279
      Bomb's not Jobs says:

      I left it an hour then came back to have a look. unfortunately looks like no one gives a toss. Thus our liberties and beans were lost for want of a toss!

      Like

  46. 160
    Damien McBride says:

    Testing..

    Like

  47. 163
    thief says:

    Fucking robbing will be great soon boys

    Like

  48. 164
    Arthur Scarred Gill and Got-A-Few-Bob Crow says:

    Cumrades! Let’s create a winter of disc’untent! Strike! Strike! Strike!

    We’d love to join you on the picket line but we’ll be in our palatial homes quaffing champagne. But we’ll be with you in spirit. Ta ta.

    Like

    • 192
      Now is the discount of our winter Tent says:

      Braziers and Donkey jackets going cheap!

      Like

    • 310
      No pasaran, mate says:

      RMT GENERAL secretary Bob Crow will be joined by Alabama 3, the band behind the Soprano’s theme song “Woke Up This Morning, Aleida Guevara, Che Guevara’s daughter, Labour movement legend Tony Benn and a host of other special guests this Wednesday evening for the 7th Annual RMT Cuba Garden Party which this year will mark the 50th anniversary of the Cuban revolution.

      Like

      • 356
        Francisco Franco says:

        We did in the end, Dolores, we did in the end. And then made your lot clean up the mess you’d left at gunpoint.

        Like

  49. 165
    streamfisher says:

    Commodity price of raw cotton has just increased by 50% due to bad weather in Russia and China, Primark are shitting themselves, already missed out on the tinned corned beef when it was at a record low.

    Like

  50. 169
    george says:

    I’m a 25 spliffs a day man.

    Like

  51. 173
    Lets Riot says:

    Last year my favourite tin of soup cost 61p. Now it costs 95p.

    Now there is fuckall in soup that warrants a 55.7% increase in its price !!!

    Like

    • 284
      Bomb's not Jobs says:

      Soup is a Health and Safety issue. All those burnt lips pursing on hot liquid!! I’d count yourself lucky they haven’t banned it yet!!

      Like

  52. 178
    Gordon Brown says:

    I hearby offer my skills to the coalotion as in indepedent financial advisor

    all I ask in return is a glass of fizzy pop on the stroke of noon each day (and maybe a few marbles for my poo hole)

    Like

    • 204
      Fidel Castro says:

      I too offer my services to the glorious Condem Coalition. I have considerable expereience in handling the announcement of massive cutbacks in government spending. All I ask is that I dont have to share an office with Gordon Brown.

      Like

      • 256
        Viva Cuba, Viva Fidel says:

        May Day Study Tour 2011

        27th April – 4th May 2011

        From £1,199 (seats still available). Hurry and book before the price goes down.

        Visit trade union organisations and join over 1 million Cubans at the May Day Rally in Plaza de la Revolución.

        We are organising this Study Tour in association with Havanatour, the UK’s leading Cuba travel specialist. The Study Tour will be ATOL protected (ATOL 4636) and Havanatour Booking conditions will apply.

        The Study Tour would provide the unique opportunity to:

        * Attend, by special invitation, the Cuban May Day Rally addressed by Raúl Castro and joined by over 1 million Cuban ex-public workers in Plaza de la Revolución, marking the 52nd anniversary of this special day in the Cuban political calendar.
        * Strengthen solidarity links with Sister Trade Unions and CTC, Cuban Trades Union Congress, in Havana and the provincial capital of Pinar del Río, and provide a series of related professional visits to workplaces, institutions and neighbourhoods to gain a valuable and unique insight into the continuing achievements of the Cuban Revolution and present day Cuban society

        Like

  53. 181
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve just eaten 20 bananas.

    Beat that.

    Must fly as I have a bit of a turtle’s head coming on.

    Like

  54. 182
    Eileen Critchley says:

    I assume Sky will be broadcasting the Tory conference and that the powers that be have sorted live internet streaming on the Tory site.

    IF BBC staff have attempted to disrupt Conference with a strike then this whole thing could be turned around brilliantly to inflict long term damage on BBC News.

    I wonna sex you up!

    Like

  55. 193
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have now written 79,000 chapters of my book, totalling 52,416,963 words. Only 14,000 chapters left.

    Like

    • 210
      streamfisher says:

      Leave the monkey in Kirkcaldy long enough and eventually he will come up with the complete works of William Shakespeare (but its already been done).

      Like

    • 213
      Bomb's not Jobs says:

      Gordon as an exercise of acute intellectual sagacity why dont you redraft it omitting all occurence of the letters I and E. I’m sure a man of your calibre could pull off such a literary tour de force.

      Like

    • 217
      White Van Man says:

      Wonderful, now you’ve signal Handley destroyed the rain forest too, anymore tricks you got up your sleeve?

      Like

    • 220
      South of the M4 says:

      Is it a users guide to the tax system Gordon?

      Like

  56. 198
    NSI Knows there is massive inflation coming says:

    Tell You What NS&I does NOT agree with the BOE. They pulled their tax free Index Linked bonds a couple of months back and the new issue is still not available. With VAT rises coming and a goverment (any government, they all do it) that will pay down the National debt by creating inflation they were a No brainer investment

    http://www.nsandi.com/savingneeds/taxfreeinvestments

    Like

  57. 211
    The Office of Guido Fawkes says:

    “Don’t delay – Vote Ed Miliband today”

    Like

  58. 216
    Sir William Waad says:

    ‘Quantitative easing’ isn’t really the printing of money. The money thus created disappears into the balance sheets of banks and stays there. It is primarily a means of falsifying the liquidity of banks while giving the impression that the Government can pay its debts.

    We need to get the banks working again so that UK suppliers can provide additional goods and services in the upturn, rather than its being a feast for importers.

    Like

  59. 223
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am the real Gordon Brown (I am really!)

    Like

  60. 226

    This morning:wholesaleprices in Germany up by 6.4% (Aug 09 > Aug 10); ores and metal(s) up by 21.1% (same period).

    We will see deflation in parts; inflation in others, for both wheelbarrows might be to small.

    caw

    Like

  61. 229
    Best Political Ad Ever says:

    Best Political Ad Ever

    Like

  62. 236
    Nick Clegg says:

    Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change Chris Huhne has officially opened one of the UK’s largest development of zero-carbon homes by dropping his trousers and letting rip with an enormous wet fart.
    His condition was later said to be satisfactory

    Like

  63. 243
    Ed Balls (Music Hall Comedian) says:

    A cop spots a huge black man dancing on the roof of a Ford and radios for backup.

    ”What’s the situation?” asks the cop in control room.

    ”There’s a darkie dancing on the roof of a Ford” says the cop.

    ”You can’t say that over the radio, use the politically correct terminology” says the control room cop.

    ”OK” he replies,”Zulu, Tango, Sierra!”

    Like

    • 245
      Michael Gove says:

      Ed Balls gets my vote

      Like

      • 250
        Andy Burnham says:

        Who says I don’t have a sense of humour ???

        A man walks into a pub with a dog under his arm. The barman see’s this and shouts out to the man “oi, we don’t allow dogs in here”. The man holds up a hand and says “ah, but wait, this is Rex the talking dog, and he can do anything that you want”

        “Bollocks” says the barman. “It’s true” says the owner and he puts Rex on the ground and says “Rex, go order me a beer”. So Rex jumps up on a bar stool and in a gruff voice says “Can I have a pint please”.

        “That’s incredible” says the bar man, “Can I have a go?” The owner smiles and replies “If Rex is allowed to stay in the pub you can”.

        The barman agrees and turns to Rex, “OK Rex here’s what I want you to do, here’s a tenner, go get me a copy of the Mirror and 20 Lambert and Butler”. So Rex grabs the tenner in his jaws and walks out the pub.

        The owner and the landlord wait and wait and wait. After an hour Rex still hasn’t come back so they go out looking for him.

        After another hour of searching and after almost giving up hope they catch sight of something down a dark alley. Sure enough Rex is down there and he’s humping a lady dog with absolute frenzy.

        “REX!!!” Says the owner “You’ve never done this before!” and Rex goes “Ha, I never had the money before”

        Like

  64. 244
    David Cameron says:

    I’m downloading the Qur’an from an ebook site. I’ve got a slow connection but it should be done by Saturday the 11th.

    I’m putting it on disk, if anyone wants one I can burn a few copies

    Like

    • 292
      Bomb's not Jobs says:

      What does Sharia law say about deleting the Koran from your computer?

      Like

      • 321
        A scholar in his lunchtime says:

        A lot..but it’s untranslatable.

        But be sure Allah probably doesn’t like it and Moh***d would have used a PC if the the Quireshi dajjals hadn’t organised a powercut in Medina. Ammin.

        Like

  65. 248
    streamfisher says:

    Tony has just been awarded another gong by the state of Philadelphia with Liberty something or other written on it to add to his congressional medal of honour, he’ll be clinking like an Italian General before long… or the ghost of Christmas past.

    Like

  66. 252
    Guff n Stuff says:

    Its starting again, in America.

    http://www.campaignforliberty.com/article.php?view=1110

    Like

    • 289
      Make the grandkids pay says:

      If Roosevelt and his chums hadn’t gone all over Keynesian in 1932, the Great Clean out of malinvestment a.k.a the bubble would have been sorted by 1934/35. As it was it lingerered and lingered.

      Like

    • 392
      Barry says:

      I blame BRITISH Petroleum

      Like

  67. 255
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    A friend of “the Beast” was observing the TUC nonsense
    Crates and crates of booze and lots of fat red faced c unts all paid for by wankers on minimum wages
    I say bring on electronic voting, as soon as some idiot presses “Labour” they get hit by a huge amount of wattage, then their family are killed

    Like

  68. 261
  69. 264
    Man U 70's Fancy Dress Party says:

    most players chose a Cortina but Rooney came in an Escort

    Like

  70. 265
  71. 269
    Saving the World..Euromitigation says:

    We should buy boatloads of carbon credits at 5 cents per ton then resell it to the clueless Europeans trading carbon at nearly $20 per ton. The saps. Have seen what they pay for their electricity and food.

    Like

  72. 271
    Igor says:

    Has Gordon been wishing Bermuda well or something. Just about every hurricane this year has headed straight for the Island.

    Like

  73. 272
    Don't Vote says:

    For over 200 years now we have had one government after another saying they will make it better than the one before. But without fail every single one of them has taken more from us and made it worse. The only conclusion you can draw from this is that government is bad.

    Like

    • 307
      Bomb's not Jobs says:

      My God I think you’re on to something here! Government is the problem. as a general rule Governments kill people in enourmous quantities. Individuals only engage in isolated Murder!! If only we could get back to the situation that perytained in 5000BC. Now that would be a Conservative policy!!

      Like

  74. 273
    Sue Perrin-Junsham says:

    Gordon Brown to become a visiting fellow of politics at Harvard!

    Like

    • 276
      sAnd Still gets paid for being a full time MP. Can this be right? says:

      Cambridge, MA – Harvard’s Institute of Politics, located at the John F. Kennedy School of Government, today announced Gordon Brown, Prime Minister of Britain (2007-10) and U.K. Parliamentary member will serve as a Visiting Fellow at the Institute this fall.

      Visiting Fellows traditionally meet with student groups; lead discussion groups on topical issues and their experiences in public and political service; and participate in public policy classes with students and Harvard University faculty.

      “We are confident our students, faculty and university community will enjoy engaging with Gordon Brown, a prominent international leader with experience at the highest levels of government and public service,” said Institute of Politics Interim Director John C. Culver.

      http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/jameskirkup/100053592/gordon-brown-is-going-to-harvard/

      Like

      • 283
        Gordon is taking the Piss says:

        If he is in Harvard then he is hardly representing his constituents. MPs of all parties should call on gordon to stand down as an MP. This is scandalous

        Like

      • 285
        AC1 says:

        Perfect timing Gordo!

        There’s a MASSIVE education bubble in the USA that’s just about to burst.

        Like

      • 306
        Get real with the b'st'rds says:

        Just how much has McBroon had to pay Harvard to allow him in? We need an answer now. What a runaway, no balls tosser

        Like

      • 308
        Anonymous says:

        Gideon is hoping for a spot on Sesame Street.

        Like

      • 330
        Sir William Waad says:

        September 14, 2011 – Harvard’s Vice-Chancellor, Professor Delgado Hornswoggle, discounted reports of an outbreak of plague at the prestigious university. Coming after last week’s mass shooting and the ‘cash for degrees’ scandal, the appearance of large, painful buboes in the groins and armpits of 15 sophomores led to fresh rumours that the ‘Curse of Jonah’ (Britain’s ex-premier J. Gordon Brown) had struck again…..

        Like

    • 278
      Yarders are dumb says:

      Harvard is a special needs school

      Like

    • 327
      GORDON BROWN FINANCIAL WIZARD says:

      Just wondering what disaster will befall Harvard this fall!

      Like

    • 336
      Anonymous says:

      What idiot thinks having Broon on board enhances the Universities reputation cause it doesnt !!! Bloody Rubbish University. Poison Ivy League Now.

      Like

  75. 274
    Moley says:

    Back to the 1980s, which I remember too well.

    Between inflation and recession the cost of new things (like cars) went up faster than it was possible to save for them.

    There are still 0% finance deals going, (but not for long).

    Inflation means buy now and don’t pay later.

    Like

  76. 275
    Lord Fondlebum of Boy says:

    More than ever I want to punch Yvette Cooper in the throat.

    She looks like Ed has already given her a good slapping, but she needs to feel the back of my hand.

    Like

  77. 286
    George Michael says:

    jailed. I can get some good cock now

    Like

  78. 287
    Lord Fondlebum of Boy says:

    Yvette has stepped out of her dress in one flowing, stylised movement, like a torero, the object of all eyes, trailing his cape in the dust before the baffled bull; underneath, she is naked. She looks to the side, downwards; her eyelids are so shinily pale and fine that Ed can see clearly all the tiny veins in them, blue as lapis. He takes a floating step forward until his chest is barely touching the tips of her nipples, behind which he senses all the gravid tremulousness of her breasts. She puts her hands flat against his chest and leans into him in a simulacrum of a swoon, making a mewling sound. Her hips are goosefleshed and he can feel all the tiny hairs erect on her forearms. When he kisses her hot, soft mouth, which is bruised a little at one corner, he knows at once that she has been with another man, and recently – faint as it is there is no mistaking that tang of fish-slime and sawdust – for he has no doubt that this is the mouth of a busy working girl. He does not mind.

    Like

  79. 290
    Lord Fondlebum of Boy says:

    Ed lies on his back on the sofa. He is naked and his clothes sit in sad, little heaps on the living room floor. Yvette, also naked, straddles him and with enormous verve moves piston-like over his unresponsive body. Ed’s considerable member retains a certain curiosity – it must be said – but the rest of him feels wholly disembodied, as if it attaches no intrinsic value to the matter at hand. He feels like the flenched blubber a butcher may trim from a choice fillet of prime English beef and, as the song says, he has never felt this way before. This is completely new territory for him. He can see that the hard globes of Yvette’s breasts are perfect and better than the real thing and he attempts to lift his arm in order to pinch her nipples, which are the size and texture of liquorice Jelly Spogs, or stick his finger in her arsehole or something, but realises with a certain amount of satisfaction that he can’t be fucked and he lets his arm drop to the side.
    Yvette squeezes Ed’s cock with her muscular vagina.
    ‘Wow,’ says Ed, from the depths of space.
    ‘Pilates,’ says Yvette.
    ‘Huh?’ grunts Ed.
    ‘Hunt crunches,’ says Yvette, and contracts her pelvic floor again.

    Like

  80. 298
    Get real with the b'st'rds says:

    F…in hell – McBroon is going to serve as a visiting Harvard fellow of Finance n he won’t be here for the Labour Conference

    Like

  81. 302
    Lord Fondlebum of Boy says:

    As alert readers may have noticed, I have discovered the comic possibilities of cutting and pasting prizewinning entries from the Literary Review’s Bad Sex Awards, and changing all the names to “Ed” and “Yvette”.

    If it makes you queasy, be glad I didn’t change any of them to Tony and Cherie.

    Like

  82. 309
    Gordon Brown says:

    I wonder how many 20p pieces I can fit in my foreskin?

    Like

  83. 328
    Graduating thieves and murderers says:

    The most secure prison on the planet. two guns were smuggled in and given to two inmates.A crucial security camera was not working, in the most secure prison on the planet, that would not happen. Someone high up in the Blair government had a hand in this.

    Like

    • 357
      Anonymous says:

      Who Cares.

      Like

    • 358
      Clusterfuck 2 says:

      After 30 million pound and 6 years no one knows how the guns got in.this lot ,the T*ories are not going to try and find out how, using savings as an excuse. wrights dad is not happy and I don’t blame him.expect some retribution from some for this.

      Like

    • 393
      The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

      Why did they need guns? If you want to kill a man there are plenty of ways without the need for firearms. Most prisons are well supplied with homicidal nutters who would do it for a laugh let alone offers of money or a shorter sentence.

      Like

  84. 339
    Henrik Bollockoff says:

    stop using the the word “mate” and use the word “jackson” instead

    ie – have you got a light Jackson?

    – oi Jackson, you have dropped something

    Like

  85. 349
    The Office of Guido Fawkes says:

    “Guido Fawkes has learned that Mr Brown intends to be in the Commons to vote against key elements in the coalition government’s constitutional reforms.”

    Like

  86. 350
    Officer Dibble says:

    I observed Mr Michael was wide eyed and spaced out

    Like

  87. 352
    George Theodolliplops Michael's arsehole to be stretched beyond all recognition for "8 weeks" says:

    I’ll never have a problem with my QE in future, mate.

    Like

  88. 363
    The Office of Guido Fawkes says:

    Gordon Brown

    Lets hear it for GB!!!!!!!!

    Three cheers for Gordon Brown

    Hip Hip………………

    Like

  89. 366
    Gordon Brown's Press Officer says:

    Gordon Brown has been appointed convenor of the Global Campaign for Education, and will be working with Queen Rania of Jordan

    Guido Fawkes wishes him the very best of luck

    Like

  90. 370
    Class 5c says:

    after weeks of negotiations Gordon Brown had been appointed pencil sharpner and chair stacker

    Quote from Gordon – “I will do my best”

    hurrrraaaah

    Like

    • 380
      Damian McSnide says:

      ef off thats my job

      Like

    • 387
      City News says:

      He has also been appointed as Honorary Grand Master of the Most Honourable Company of French Polishers for “services to the industry” whilst PM.

      An unamed spokesperson said. “During his tenure in Downing Street our busines increased by 70%.At one stage we couldn’t keep up with the restoration work for desks;chairs and the like”

      Like

  91. 373
    Anonymous says:

    The way forward is hyperinflation –

    http://wallstcheatsheet.com/breaking-news/economy/how-hyperinflation-will-happen/?p=17944/

    Cheered me up no end.

    Like

  92. 375
    Scrobs says:

    Soldier’s shillings…

    And this is where most of the money should be going, not some blasted quango on expenses.

    A chum sent me this today, and having just heard that if you signed up for active service in the TA, and went over there and got killed, your family’s pension entitlement would be peanuts compared to that allowed to a regular, I think this displays a similar blind uncaring organisation which needs to be taken down a few pegs.

    Imagine the outcry if MPs started their non-jobs on the same basis; they’d be squealing all the way to Brussels, whimpering ‘sorry…’.

    The link’s at the bottom.

    Early Day Motion [EDM 1053]
    Rank and Pension of Soldiers Killed on Active Service

    ‘That this House, convinced that the courage and devotion to duty of members of the British Armed Forces who are killed while on active service for their country should be recognised and rewarded in every possible way, particularly by the pensions and help given to the families they leave behind , recommends that the Ministry of Defence’s rule providing that pensions on promotion are payable only after the role for the new rank has been held for a year should be revoked for those killed in the service of their country so that their families are paid the rate appropriate to the rank held at the time of death; and considers that the family of Sergeant Matthew Telford of Grimsby, promoted to the rank in June 2009 but killed by an assassin in Afghanistan in November of that year, along with Guardsman Jimmy Major of Cleethorpes and three other soldiers, should be paid the full pension appropriate to the rank he was proud to honour at the time of his death’.

    http://soldiers-pensions.co.uk/?q=petition

    Like

  93. 381
    Grant Mitchell says:

    Grrrrrrrr………………

    Like

  94. 386
    Branston Pants says:

    Musha rain dum a doo, dum a da
    Whack for my daddy, oh
    Whack for my daddy, oh
    There’s chutney in the jar, oh

    Like

  95. 388
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    I watched a bit of the TUC conference on the haunted fish tank today. It seems that one after another shouty person went on stage to rant in to the microphone. I thought there must be a reason for this and then the camera swept round the hall to reveal the true reason. They are all lardarses! Almost without exception great wobbly jowls, bingo wings, heads that merge in to shoulders without as much as a ‘by your leave’ or even a neck. Great flabby double (and treble) chins, beer guts, pie pouches and some of the women had arses that defied the known laws of mechanics.

    Starving and downtrodden? Er.. no!

    Like

    • 403
      Just asking says:

      You sound the same. Are you a no neck lard arse fatty?

      Like

      • 432
        The (Slim and Lovely) Bottle Fed Triplet says:

        Nope, my BMI is well in to the correct half of the chart. Not sure how I can “sound the same” on the basis of few lines of text. Maybe you don’t like criticism of the Bruvvers and Sisters. Maybe you are a wee bit plump yourself, would like to be thinner and can only deal with this yearning by comfort eating more puddings, pizzas and pies.

        When I saw the conference coverage, it was obvious that the capitalists aren’t the only fat cats. Look for yourself, it’s on the telly.

        Like

  96. 397
    Messrs, Crow, Woodley, Simpson, Etc - 1970's R Us says:

    Imagine how life would be without the union modernisation fund……..up the workers……….Maggie Maggie Maggie OUT OUT OUT!!!!

    Long live the miners and shipbuilders…..eeerr in ……North Korea.

    Like

  97. 401
    Chinese industrial saboteur says:

    Good work lads, we’ve transferred several million to your Swiss bank accounts.

    If you can keep your members out on strike we Chinese will stand a better chance of winning contracts and putting your airlines and manufacturing plants out of business.

    Long live our THE revolution.

    Like

  98. 407
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m still here.

    Like

  99. 408
    page not found says:

    404 error

    Like

  100. 415
    My Friend Is An Arms Trader says:

    She and her friends are I.D.F. or C.I.A. for sure no one can get into Iraq ‘for hiking purposes’ or that close to the Iran border without the proper security clearance or money upfront.

    Believe me if players working the UK and USA government selling weapons have to bribe Iraqi security with a shitload of money everytime they go to the country how did these three morons just waltz through the country?

    Like

    • 416
      More to this story says:

      Try booking an flight to Iraq for hiking purposes at your local travel agent and see how far you get.

      Like

  101. 419
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Is someone at Marks and Spencer taking the mick?

    2.35% AER – a cracking rate for your savings, not when CPI inflation 3.1%, RPI inflation 4.7% it isn’t.

    Looks like a negative rate from this end of the ether.

    Like

  102. 428
    Tapestry says:

    Prechter On Inflation/deflation

    The case for runaway inflation seems so logical. Over the past eight years, the Fed’s lending rates have twice fallen to zero, meaning that credit is free. The Fed has created $1.5 trillion of new money. Central banks around the world have offered unlimited, cost-free credit. The government is spending money like mad. And the Fed and the Treasury have bailed out or guaranteed another trillion or two of bad debt and promise to cover even more. Oh, and the Chairman of the Fed swore eight years ago that he would drop money from helicopters.

    There is only one problem with the logic involved: It does not lead us to present conditions. In the great inflations of history – such as what occurred in Germany in the 1920s and Zimbabwe in the 2000s — several things happened: The money supply zoomed; interest rates soared to double and triple digits; commodity and stock prices went up; consumer prices rose relentlessly; and people raced to get rid of money as fast as they got hold of it.

    Today, not one of these events is happening. In fact, the opposite is happening: M3 (a measure of the amount of money and credit in the system) is contracting at its fastest pace since the 1930s. Interest rates on Treasury bills are stuck at zero. The CRB index of commodities is at half its value of just two years ago. The stock market is lower than it was 10 years ago. The PPI and CPI (measures of producer and consumer prices) have a zero rate of change. People are struggling to get anyone to part with a dollar: They can’t get loans, they can’t sell their houses, and they can’t land a job. And Walmart is cutting prices. This is the “Bizarro” version of Germany and Zimbabwe: everything’s backwards.

    Crux: Well, not everything. Gold is at all-time highs.

    Prechter: And so are Toronto real estate and vintage wine. But let’s put these markets in perspective…

    British inflation is artificial, in the sense that energy prices have tumbled, oil from $140 to $75, natural gas from $14 to $4, yet your gas and electric bills are no lower. Nor is petrol at the pump. In the US where the consumer insists that retail prices match market prices, deflation took over three months ago. It would be the same in Britain, except the government permits extortion by utility companies and energy providers to raise the level of revenue which otherwise would be collapsing. The only inflation is the cost of government.

    Guido’s about twenty years early with his inflation warnings, or possibly fifty.

    Like

  103. 429
    Fidel Castro says:

    You can only print money for 60 years me chums

    Like

  104. 431
    The Office of Guido Fawkes says:

    If David Cameron is most afraid of David Miliband and David Miliband is most afraid of Ed Miliband then doesn’t that make Ed Miliband 2X more intimidating than David Miliband would be as a leader?

    Guido is endorsing Ed Miliband to lead Labour

    Like

  105. 434
    keddaw says:

    Gold is the biggest bubble in human history.

    Japan has used QE and has had a decade of deflation.

    Other than that I quite agree.

    Like


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David Cameron on political promiscuity…

“On May 7 you could go to bed with Nigel Farage and wake up with Ed Miliband. Not one bit of that works for me.”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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