Off To See Maggie

Guido is off to tonight’s launch of New Direction, a new free market think-tank seeking to modernise the structures of the EU. He will be avoiding Gerald Howarth for obvious reason, and will hopefully get to ask the keynote speaker Liam Fox how he managed to leak that letter.

Though the star of the show will no doubt be Maggie…

Nadine’s Twitter Scrounger Exposé

Nadine Dorries is trending on Twitter after she attacked benefit claimants who Twitter all day. “Ms Humphrey Cushion“, one of her constituents, has tweeted nearly 35,000 times in the last six months, often about nights out and her life of unemployed bliss.

She claims that she has chronic arthritis but it clearly isn’t affecting her thumbs. If she can operate Twitter there are plenty of jobs she could be doing on a computer. Alarm bells should be ringing at the Department of Work and Pensions.

Could this be this era’s “on yer bike” soundbite. @HumphreyCushion, get off twitter and get a job…

Runners and Riders

The fun continues with Labour even after their conference. 49 contenders are pitching to be in the Shadow Cabinet and the good news for those who enjoy watching the Labour Party in chaos is under their archaic rules the fun and games of electing them has to happen every year. Paul Waugh believes that Yvette Cooper, who is likely to come very near the top of the ballot, will be turning down the offer of Shadow Chancellor to save Ed Balls face. She clearly isn’t as ruthless and cold as her leader.

There are some truly laughable candidates but some with high chances deserve more scrutiny. Sadiq Khan gave a Red Ed-lite conference speech yesterday and is clearly vying for a high office shadow. Guido explained why this expenses fiddling and controversial figure might find it tough working in the Home Office or Foreign Office and there will be more on this as his prominence grows. Alan Johnson is apparently in the running to Shadow Hague too, and who knows, perhaps such a role might lead journalists to finally reveal that story he did so well to keep out the  papers while in the Home Office. Balls for shadow business would be an embarrassment after such high profile lobbying for a decent job. Though Guido would enjoy watching him and Cable try destroy each other…

Pop Quiz: A prize for whoever can identify the runners and riders pictured.

Bruiser Brown’s Boy Stays

Yesterday’s man and old time bruiser Nick Brown may be facing the rest of his career on the backbenchers, but that doesn’t mean he won’t still have a finger in the pie. His Special Advisor Gary Follis, former spinner for Alliance and Leicester and Amicus, is ultra-loyal and was the fixer’s fixer right up until the election. Out of government, Brown had to share his SpAd, and he’s been on loan to the Shadow Leader of the House – Rosie Winterton. It seems Follis will keep his job under the new Chief Whip and Brown’s old way of doing things looks set to continue…

Red Ed’s Sing Song

As Labour’s conference comes to an end, and after six days of staring they can confirm it is indeed a navel, the new leader is faced with yet another dilemma. In 2003 the singing of the Red Flag was reinstated at the close of conference. All together now…

Given Red Ed’s desperation to lose the nickname that is so clearly getting under his skin, does he really want footage of him mumbling the socialist anthem forever stored in media archives. The words won’t do his image any favours:

The people’s flag is deepest red,
It shrouded oft our martyred dead,
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,
Their hearts blood dyed its every fold.

Then raise the scarlet standard high
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

Gordon sang it with pride, Tony more reluctantly. Over to you Red Ed…

Guido Outbid for Gordon Brown Memorial Plaque

The metal plaque commemorating the opening of Lehman’s Canary Wharf offices by Gordon Brown in April 2004 was up for auction yesterday at Christies. Sadly Guido’s £1,000 bid was not enough for this, tangible evidence, that the accursed Gordon Brown caused the global financial collapse which began with the fall of Lehmans.

The plaque went, as you would expect with anything associated with the accursed Gordon Brown, way over budget. The auctioneer’s gavel came down at £28,750…

+ + + David Miliband Statement + + +
Fears Perpetual Distraction and Destruction

You read it here first:

“The party needs a fresh start from its new leader, and I think that is more likely to be achieved if I make a fresh start…  having thought it through, and discussed it with family and friends I am absolutely confident it is the right decision for Ed, for the party, and for me and my family. This is now Ed’s party to lead and he must be able to do so as free as possible from distraction…. This is because of the simple fact that Ed is my brother, who has just defeated me for the party leadership. I genuinely fear perpetual, distracting and destructive attempts to find division where none exists, and splits where they don’t exist, all to the detriment of the party.”

So all that stuff during the election campaign about him being “happy to serve” in Ed’s cabinet was a load of bananas…

UPDATE : The text is taken from a letter sent to his constituency chair. Guido was not subject to an embargo because he wasn’t officially given the text.

David: “We’re All Leaders Now”

David Miliband told the campaign trail that his pledge to train 1000 future leaders as part of the “community organising”, Obama-lite “Movement for Change”, was more important than winning or losing the campaign. In reality the whole thing was a failureFunny he didn’t bother staying in Manchester for the Movement for Change events that were planned before he lost.

He told the Guardian in June: “To bring out the best in my leadership, we need to bring out the best in leadership at every level. This campaign is not electing a new leader. We all have to be leaders now.” Well, you’re not.

Miliband’s withdrawal statement is imminent, there must be part of him that wishes he had spent less time faffing around trying to look with it and more time phone-banking union members. Will he take the Purnell line and say he is going to spend more time as a mythical nonjob “community organiser”?*

*In reality Purnell actually ended up working for Freud Communications.

Miliband Sacks Brown

Ed Miliband has asked his fellow former resident of the Brown Bunker, Nick Brown, Gordon’s Chief Whip to stand aside from the race to keep his job. An interesting development and yet another example of how desperate Ed is to […]

+ READ MORE +

Brillo Outs Blears’ Blatant Barefaced Lying

Hazel told a fringe meeting last night that the Labour Party had been “wicked and malicious” in government. Brillo asked her about her candid comments live on air, she denied having called her party any such thing. Watch her get […]

+ READ MORE +

Quote of the Day

Peter Hain says of David Miliband…

“It looks like David is going to decide to do something else, if that is the case it will be sad for him and the party, but we’ve got a strong team. We wish […]

+ READ MORE +

Yeo’s Lovechild Gets Parliamentary Pass

Staying with this morning’s baddie, Guido has found what might just be the first acknowledged lovechild on the Westminster gravy train. According to the Register of Interests of Member’s Staff it seems Tim Yeo has employed his daughter Claudia […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Ed Conway asks Yanis Varoufakis if he has been sacrificed:

“No this is politics, mate. There are no sacrificial lambs”

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