August 27th, 2010

Balls Admits Defeat

So it seems Balls’s campaign to be leader is officially over. Plan B, to get the Shadow Chancellorship, kicked in this morning at Bloomberg. As refreshing as it was to finally hear a leadership candidate talk about the economy, Balls’s pitch for the number two job was way off the mark. With David Miliband hinting that Labour must start to accept some home truths and not fight everything the coalition has done, and the fact that he is sticking to Labour’s “halve the deficit in four years plan” why would he appoint Balls, who is still stuck in denial, as his money man? If he does make the job, his half-baked theories are going to be ripped to shreds in and outside the Party…

The speech itself was hard-hitting, there is no denying that Balls is the man to lay punches, however inaccurate, on the Coalition. Much hay was made of the fact that he correctly predicted Osborne would raise VAT, a fact he only knew because Labour would have had to do the same had they won. As Pete Hoskin points out blatant lies were also told:

Balls says that “George Osborne … is planning to go £40 billion further and faster this year than even Alistair Darling’s plans,” I’m sure he must mean “over this Parliament,” not “this year”. Because that’s the truth.

One bit of confusion that always tickles Guido is how Balls claims that the last recession was the biggest economic crisis of the last hundred years, yet constantly warns that the Coalition plans will take us back to the 1930s depression. A mere seventy to eighty years ago – which was the worst crisis Ed?

For those wondering, a co-conspirator was able to put a crowd sourced question from readers at last night’s Q&A with Balls. Asking whether his friendship with Damian McBride revealed a lack of judgement that rendered him unsuitable for high office, and when was the last time he had any form of communication with his old pal, Balls dodged the first bit but admitted he still talks on the phone to Damian. He was quick to add in an unofficial capacity and he wasn’t taking advice from him. Probably a wise move…


  1. 1
    Schrödinger's cat says:


  2. 2
    concrete pump says:


    More Balls. Y’know, he’s going to get really bitter over his defeat. He strikes me as a bad fucking loser.

  3. 3
    404 Error says:

    I am so not bovvered

  4. 4

    Obviously not enough scope for postal voting in that election then – time to move on, young Balls, and find a proper job fit for an imbecile like you.


  5. 5
    Suffolk Punch says:

    He’s a bit like shit on your shoe.. somehow, you just can’t clean it off and get away from the smell….. Why doesn’t he admit defeat and shut the fuck up… now I bet he’s all the way up Ed Millie arse.. looking to keep in a good job..

  6. 6
    Sarah Tweet says:

    must stop browsing the net and finish the book chapter on Elle Style Awards and Davos 2009 #SBbook

  7. 7
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    Sweeping the streets is about his mark.

  8. 8
    Mr Politically Incorrect says:

    Christ on a unicycle, why can’t this sack of vomit just get cancer? Fucking die already.

  9. 9
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    Hope so. I used to give people a pay increase before I sacked them. It hurt more that way.

  10. 10
    Grungedays says:

    frump does fashion

  11. 11
    Call Me Dave says:

    Bollocks! I was really hoping that Balls would lead Labour.

  12. 12
    Sir William Waad says:

    This recession hasn’t been the biggest economic crisis for more than 100 years (or 80 years) everywhere. Countries that were less dependent on banking were less affected. Countries whose Governments managed had public finances competently were also hurt much less. So, Germany got through with much less trouble than we did, whereas Greece was worse hit. China, of course, only noticed a slowdown in growth and did not have a recession at all.

    It has only been such a big economic crisis because of the activities that took place in a couple of large, gloomy terraced houses in London SW1.

  13. 13
    Lord Wayne of Trombone says:

    Iran issues fatwa against pets
    Iranian authorities have banned all advertisements for pets, pet food and other pet products.

    Man, it is good that I-AM_DINNER-JACKET has access to noocler weapons

  14. 14
    Mr Politically Incorrect says:

    Isn’t it interesting that Sarah Beard’s bio on Twitter says “mum, charity campaigner, starting new life”? Why only “mum” and not “mum, wife” or even “mum, wife of former prime minister”. Most tellingly is her phrase “starting new life.” Indeed. A Cantabulously new life, perhaps.

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    oh bugger, I had a decent wager on Balls winning. So much for the might of the unions.

  16. 16
    Dick the Prick says:

    Brown could advise him on how to avoid elections.

  17. 17
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Shadow Chancellor? More like Shadow Secretary of State for Department of Incompetent Twats. He’s such an intellectual lightweight………and a rather nasty piece of work.

  18. 18
    Unsworth says:

    Pedantry: ‘Baked’ not ‘Backed’ – but perhaps ‘Backed’ is also true.

  19. 19
    Gil McNeil says:

    Me and Sarah are just friends. End of. Nothing more to say.

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    The Aussies did alright, did they not?

  21. 21
    Southern Softy says:

    Bullies always are.

  22. 22
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Hard luck Balls !

  23. 23
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    I’m fairly sure that Miliband E realises that Balls is poison any aspirations he may have. I’m also fairly sure that Miliband E does not realise that he is poison to any aspirations he may have.

  24. 24
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    O/T Morning window lickers

  25. 25
    Unsworth says:

    How tiresome. ‘Elle Style Awards’ eh? I’ll bet they’ll be queing up in Sind to buy autographed copies. Booked the flight yet?

  26. 26
    Sarah Twatter says:

    My book may not be as riveting as Gordon’s previous bogbusters.

  27. 27
    Balls from Planet Zogg says:


    Ed Balls has warned the Government’s deficit reduction plan is “economically unsafe” as he stepped up his campaign for the Labour leadership. In a keynote speech in the City of London he said Chancellor George Osborne’s plan has as much economic credibility as a “pyramid scheme”.


    Britain’s economy grew at its fastest pace for nine years in the second quarter as construction soared, official data showed on Friday, That was the fastest pace since the first quarter of 2001.

    Balls still an indiginous growth fuckwit tossflap

  28. 28
    Mountebank Milibland says:

    The way is now clear for the Milibland Menace !!

  29. 29
    Gordon Brown, Deficit Denier-in-Chief says:

    Leadership contest ??? Why ?? I am still your prime minister.

  30. 30
    Unsworth says:

    Canada seems to have managed its position pretty well, too. No, Brown is/was an incompetent, bullying, bullshitter.

  31. 31
    concrete pump says:

    Let’s remind ourselves of what a looker you are, Gil.

  32. 32
    Top Cat says:

    do you put pussys in bins?

  33. 33
    The Cantabeard says:

    You’ve hit the nail on the head sister.

    Yum scrunch.

  34. 34
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    3 wickets down already today England 39-4

  35. 35
    Gordon Brown, Deficit Denier-in-Chief says:

    May I just remark that Liebour’s Ponzi scheme was always far superior to deficit reduction.

  36. 36
    barf says:


  37. 37
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    yeah right. And I really did put a bet on Cameron’s daughter being called Dandelion.

  38. 38
    Unsworth says:

    That writing has been on the wall for so long that Banksy has painted over it.

  39. 39
    Doomed says:

    did Brown wish them luck?

  40. 40
    Cornish inbred retard says:

    Is he Cornish? He’d feel really at home here and we still have a few villages looking for an idiot.

  41. 41
    Hugh Janus says:

    Good, at least the BBC’s campaign to get this odious little prat elected as leader of NuLiebour has failed, despite the great effort they put into it.

    Bad, because he is the true face of this bunch of wreckers-in-denial, and with him at the helm they would not get their hands on what is left of our economy for a very long time.

    This nauseating bully-boy will just have to bide his time in his quest for absolute power.

  42. 42
    concrete pump says:

    We know what you were browsing the net for, Sarah:

  43. 43
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    having lots to export did help canada a hell of a lot.

    Its been a long process, but the lack of manufacturing in britain has been a bit of a sod too. (Not that I have any idea how to “keep manufaturing”).

    Oh, and relying too much on banking: iceland.

  44. 44
    Sue Perrin-Junshan says:

    Lets hope there is no double dip UU – then this ‘economic heavyweight’ will finally lose all his credibility and look like a right |Y|

  45. 45
    johnny says says:

    15 years of an idle and compliant media allow politicians like Balls to make such blatantly stupid comments. Hopefully the tide has turned. Gordoom being undone by his own profligacy certainly opened many eyes that had previously been closed.

  46. 46
    Sue Perrin-Junshan says:

    Make that 5

  47. 47
    Peter Carrol says:

    “accept some home truths and not fight everything the coalition has done, and the fact that he is sticking to Labour’s “halve the deficit in four years plan” why would he appoint Balls, who is still stuck in denial, as his money man?”

    The whole speech was underpinned by his argument that the coalition are cutting too fast. He gave a number of historic examples, from the aftermath of WW2 to Roosevelts new deal economic measures, as to why the Tories are misguided and their policies will imperil the recovery.

    And he “is not stuck in denial”, he is making a relevant and vital case that Labours plan to half the deficit in 4 years was the correct course, and he should continue to do so as long as the Tories determination to take a wrecking ball to the economy continues.

    When Ed refers to the past 100 years, he is beginning his analysis from the Panic of 1907, which some economists state was the beginnings of the modern market. The great depression was the previous historic low within this timeline, but Balls is arguing that the recent recession was more severe as it was globalised.

    Anyway, the speech is here, you can read it in full as this cartoonish, glib analysis is worthless.—ed-balls-full-speech

  48. 48
    Gordon Brown says:

    Ed Balls has my full and enthusiastic backing. He will make an excellent leader of our great Party and a Prime Minister of historical vision and ability. I wish him well.

    Where are my eggy soldiers Janet?

  49. 49
    Sir William Waad says:

    So let’s get this straight:

    Labour cuts = good

    Tory cuts = bad?

  50. 50
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    could be 6

  51. 51
    dental works says:

    Oh my god! where’s me service revolver??

  52. 52
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    No , The catch didnt carry

  53. 53
    Southern Softy says:

    Mutton dressed as pork.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    That would be blind eyes that were previously turned etc etc.

  55. 55
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    is anyone going to buy Gordons book ?

  56. 56
    concrete pump says:

    You’re wasting your time, i find it incredible that you can post that, thinking people here will actually give a fuck.
    I will not be clicking that fucking link either.

  57. 57
    cant hunter says:

    Balls certainly distanced himself from McBride when the email scandal erupted 18 months or so ago. He has also distanced himself from his mentor Brown in recent months ( or was Balls the mentor ?). How far would Balls be prepared to go in his search for power and advancement ? Is even Yvette safe from his soaring ambition ?

  58. 58
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Did nt you get a question guido ?

  59. 59
    dental works says:

    “cartoonish, glib analysis is worthless”? well got you over from liebourlist winging so must have some clout ai it? mr party puppet !.

  60. 60
    Blinky Testicles says:

    So what?

  61. 61
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Thanks but no thanks

  62. 62
    The general public says:

    No susrprise that an MP is caught telling porkies. Now who said “our budget is progressive”………????

  63. 63
    Gordon Brown says:

    Blaaaaaaaaah! I still prime manister! I the prime man? Waaay! Hoooooo!

    Fizzy orange time.

  64. 64
    Penfold says:

    This is a first for Blinky, we should all applaud loudly and cheer.

    Blinky has seen reality and accepted it, hence his step down from the leadership campaign.

    Its always the first step that counts, recognising that you are an alcoholic for example is the greatest first step according to AA.

    So Blinky has finally recognised that he is a completely useless Hunt and hopefully this will be the first steps towards rehabilitation and his removal from public and politics.

    One down, 644 to go.

  65. 65
    TosserWatch says:

    yawn…who gives a flying fuck

  66. 66
    Penfold says:

    Anchovies come cheap in Cantab.

  67. 67
    (O/T) Bigot says:

    Too late for the ‘Ask Balls’ thread, but my question is:

    ‘Mr Balls, what would you suggest as a fitting memorial to you and Gordon Brown to ‘celebrate’ (a suitable bastardised Noo_Lie_Bore word) the complete fuck-up you made of Britain?’

    (apols if someone else suggested this)

  68. 68
    I use the red flag as toilet paper says:

    I’d like to but Balls and Cooper in a bin, or an incinerator

  69. 69
    KGB Contractor says:

    Phone Uncle Putin and get some polonium.

  70. 70
    Abner Doubleday says:

    Keep pitching Balls and you will walk in your opponent.

  71. 71
    Eddy 'Boy' Bollocks says:

    I did NOT lose!

    Let’s get that clear!!!

    Like Gordon and the Election, I WON!!!!

  72. 72
    Twat spotter says:

    Peter have you always been a total twat or has that just developed recently?

  73. 73
    Tom Woodward says:

    I’d do her except for one slight problem and that is that I am a normal heterosexual man!

  74. 74
    Lewis Carroll says:

    I will …

    No No not the jacket again Pleeeeasee noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

  75. 75
    St Tone of Bliar says:

    I will.


  76. 76
    I use the red flag as toilet paper says:

    The Guardian has finally cracked up. Any negative comments about any of the clowns standing for the Stasi party (formally known as Labour) are deleted almost immediately.
    The good news is that all the demented labour supporters will think like their ‘leaders’ that the country really likes them.
    Balls will get even more delusional as will the rest of the trash.

  77. 77
    Typo be lonely says:

    That is SQWUAK Polly never learned SQWUAK to say SQWUAK or sqwuak SQWUAK Labour cuts SQWUAK

  78. 78
    "Saint" Vince Cable says:

    but will Blinky get a normal job with targets and a quarterly review like the rest of us?
    Will he have to worry about it all being outsourced to India or to that brilliant youngster just arrived from Bulgaria / Romania / Poland or wherever?

    Will he work ,like the rest of us in the globalised private sector, evenings, weekends holidays for nothing, just to keep a job?

    Will he lie awake and wonder what else he can cut from the family budget so he can keep his kids out of the apalling state education system?

    Will he work till he is eighty because some twat stole his pension?

    Yeah I thought not

  79. 79
    TosserWatch says:

    poster 46.

    having waded through all that very easy to see why balls is such a double talking scumbag..everyone else’s fault …nothing to do with us guv…without us the recession would have been worse etc etc ad nauseum. Just a shame he didn’t lose his seat last time and the sooner hes despatched to obscurity the better…and you with him..the mans a twat period.

  80. 80
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

    Urrrrrghhh !!! The thought makes me shudder !! Back to the duvet and The Jeremy Vyle prog on Sky.

  81. 81
    Nina says:

    I’m sorry for your loss, Guido. Understandably this must be a tough time for you and yours after the death of a campaign that has meant so much to you. I hope you’ll be able let it go in time and move on, though I appreciate that no new pet can ever replace the hole in your heart from where beloved Blinky was torn.


  82. 82
    Eddy 'Boy' Bollocks says:

    That you Arfa?

  83. 83
    Cassandrina says:

    I see Red Ken came out in support of him – another Jonah period.
    Balls will be used by Labour as Chief of Thugs – bashing and bullying his own members as well as the Government. About all he is good for.

  84. 84
    PM says:

    According to the BBC:

    ‘The shadow education secretary said Friday’s stronger economic data were “absolutely determined” by what Labour had done in office to combat the impact of the recession.

    “Those figures today show that Labour’s strategy was working,” he said. “They don’t say anything at all about what is going to happen in the next period.”‘

    Balls should join Lembit as a stand-up comedian.

  85. 85
    Ikely More says:

    Amateurs. The lizards always make things far far far more complicated.

  86. 86
    Des N Dead-Testyculls says:

    They think it’s all over …..

  87. 87
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    well. He’s on the radio right now saying he always wanted to spend even more.
    Should cut the debt some other time.

    Perhaps he wanted to borrow until he’d had his turn to be the prime minister.

  88. 88
  89. 89
    HappyUK says:

    Miliband probably won’t touch him with a barge pole. If you are going to sup with the devil you need an extremely long spoon.

  90. 90
    Rat's arse says:

    Me too ‘call me Dave’. If he had become Labour Leader, it would have kept the bloody Labour Party out of office for years. Sod it!

  91. 91
    Evie Lennon says:

    ‘sOCKPUPPET#4′ – I think the name Dandelion would have been better than flamin Florence.

  92. 92
    Susie says:

    I like this Robbie Williams/Courtney Love story:

    When Robbie had the hit with Millenium, Love approached him at a party and said, “I suppose I ought to fuck you, but I can’t because of the pop thing”.

    Quick as a flash our Robbie said, “I’d fuck you too, but I can’t because of the ugly thing”.

  93. 93
    Susie says:

    Oh come on!

    Peter’s trying the ‘we’re reasonable people’ approach… when that fails to impress (understandably after the past 13 years) they’ll be back on Plan B:— getting their friends in the unions, public sector, quangos, think tanks to create chaos and mayhem as per…

  94. 94
    Susie says:

    I’m trying to get my head around whether anything from that family could ever be said to ‘soar’.

  95. 95
    Susie says:

    I’ve been auto modded on CiF for ages, ever since I advised Brown went into the library with a whisky and revolver… well, they did ask.

  96. 96
    Susie says:

    Red Ken’s a total tart… he supported Tony Juniper in the general election in Cambridge. Couldn’t support the Labour candidate because he was a Zionist (of the lefty persuasion).

  97. 97
    "Saint" Vince Cable says:

    so now it’s a question of which MilliMossad will “lead” the Nu Liebor party? Andy Birnum Wood will likely drop out and Diane “Princess Leah” Abbott confer the “effnick” and “wimmin” vote on David. How colonial is that?

  98. 98
    Ramsbottom says:


  99. 99
    equity abhors a Maxim says:

    Is that you, Schrödi, old chap?

  100. 100
    TonkaTom says:

    It’s all balls.

  101. 101
    Disaffected says:

    Come on, I wanted the nutter as leader as there would have been loads of mileage out of him. Who else is likely to be a huge Maggie Thatcher fan at the top of the Liebour leadershit party?
    I suppose we have to put up with Dave MiniBlair to see if the puppet can further the lies of his mentor for his own self interest, especially to line his own pocket. Will he wage war on an unsuspecting country for no reason? will he lie to parliament to achieve his aims? will he gather a multi million pound property port folio for himself and his children on the backs of dead and wounded soldiers? Will his wife cry like slotgob when someone helps fiddle a house for his children? I want nutter, as he gives another dimension to Blair and his scum mates- although Bad Al could do another return with Mandelscum….

  102. 102
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Will someone PLEASE flush this slimey turd away!

  103. 103
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Flush the turd!!

  104. 104
    keddaw says:

    “Halve the deficit in four years”

    My frigging hero.

    Halve the debt in four years and you may have my vote.

  105. 105
    Snuggles says:

    Hmmmmm, I wonder what Sally Bercow will say after Balls gets his backside kicked in the leadership election? The fact that he didn’t get kicked out at the general election was a great disappointment, but now at least we have the next best thing.

  106. 106
  107. 107
    Alice Dufour says:

    Tongue goes in pussy?

  108. 108
    Al Coholic says:

    Wassat? Gin hic comes in book form now? hic

  109. 109
    Biffo says:

    Gordon & I are setting up a consultancy service to advise failed asylum seekers of their welfare rights & how to claim them. A lot of our information will be based on Gordon’s seminal book ‘Alternative Edinburgh’. We are calling the company ‘Huntz’R’Uz’.

  110. 110
    Mr I Groan (Tax Slave of the UK) says:

    It has been alleged, that the Grinning Spiv, The Most High and Sainted Teflon of B’Laaare has stepped in to give the Other Chuckle Bros, Milipede, a hand. If the Grinning Spiv has come back from the Fiscally dead, then the Parliamentry Liarbor Party are totally faroucked to be consigned to the back street of History for years to come…. Hooray!!!

    But then, do I really know what I’m talking about…. probably not….!!!

  111. 111

    Did nt you get a question guido ?

  112. 112

    Did not you get a question guido ?

  113. 113
    Live Cams says:

    You’re talking about actions. If the ACTIONS taken at the mosque violate the law, they should be punished. At this point, “conservatives” want the government to restrict speech. That’s wrong, and it will backfire.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,717 other followers