August 26th, 2010

Question to Balls

Guido is off to watch the death throes of Ed Balls’s leadership campaign over at Clifford Chance where he is doing a Q&A at 18:30 with Steve Richards. Tomorrow morning he is also giving  a speech at Bloomberg at 08:30. Both will have questions from the floor so you never know Guido, or an audience ally, might just get the chance to make Blinky squirm at one of the events.

What would you ask?

Questions in the comments please…


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    I suppose WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING Hunt? is too predictable?

    • 3
      New Labour, New Sophists, same old shit says:

      Where is your wife ?

      • 51
        Garlicjam says:

        Do you know which way is “up”?

        • 75
          Blair's war says:

          I want this nutter to win, it will help Liebour no end to stay in the shadow of politics. During univeristy he supported the Tories when Maggie was at her height in politics, yet he now rants on about Maggie as if she was the devil. Presumably the affects of drugs converted him to Liebour. Perhaps if he becomes leader someone will enquire in depth about the Smith Institute and Balls involvement or not. Come on Nutter, I want you to win. You hate all right minded thinking people and have no time for the honest hard working souls of this country.

    • 8
      Question for Blinky says:

      Wrong question. Should be: Why are you such an evil Hunting fucking Hunt?

      • 267
        Mongsworth says:

        Why is Steve Richards such a twat ?

        • 289
          petec68 says:

          Ask Ed if he can still remember all the words to Deutschland Uber Alles and whether his Nazi unform still fits him, or has the missus let it out a bit seeing as he has such a fat gut from all the food bought at our expense.

          She probably likes being backscuttled by her bit on the side while he hides in the wardrobe in his little uniform and has a pedal and crank listening to them both, the minx!

    • 54
      Doggie Fashion says:

      Does Yvette take it up Trap 2? Does she suck well?

      • 168
        Evadne Bollocks says:

        I take it any way I can to ensure my dear boy gets the comfort and relief he so desperately needs at this tense high point of his career.

        He gets so tense nowadays you know, and there’s only one way that I know of to bring him down!

      • 230
        Cameron Is A Cunt says:

        Well as a matter of course she normally looks like she’s got something wedged up her Hershey Highway, but the only thing she sucks is lemons judging by her habitual facial expression.

        • 239
          I Love Pennslyvania says:

          Hershey Highway!

          Love it!!! lol!!!

          • I Love Pennsylvania says:

            …I really must learn to spell the name of the greatest state of the Union.

            Serves me right for drinking so early!

          • a la Maison Testicuole : a tender moment brought to you in HD colour 'n that says:

            Blinky Darling, – are you ready dearest?

            Dearest Darling, I’m ready.

            Sweetest, dearest darling . . how manly you look!

            Dearest sweatest darling you bring out the man in me, – a man who is ready for the greatest challenge this nation has ever faced.

            Blinky dearest dearest darling, my object of undying love and tenderest devotion, . .

            [we have to end this broadcast here because of retching noises by the sound crew]

          • Dick Tator says:

            Pennsyltucky ain’t the greatest of anything. It does have some great white-water rafting in the west end, though.

    • 89
      fagged@eton says:

      Ask him if it was good idea to allow six million immigrants into the U.K.

      • 110
        BBC and Govt supression of the real news - bullshit to be broadcast instead whenever possible.... says:

        We are carrying out Labour policy to-day and giving blanket coverage of the misunderstood totally innocent Asil Nadir who did not steal all the money and only went on the run because he was misunderstood (Interviews at a price not to be disclosed at his Mayfair digs) This is of course allowing the immigration figures released to-day to be kicked into the long grass, we will not allow the fact that UK is totally overrun by immigrants, 350,000 “student visas” (more illegal stayers) also isssued. We are doing our job, we are following orders.

      • 171
        amongymous says:

        From his point of view it was a good thing – more labour voters = more power for him and then later to cash in bigtime like Tony the war criminal.

        That it has destroyed an old culture, devastated some working class communities, lowered trust in politicians and helped the BNP massively is of no concern to Balls & Co.

    • 170
      lola says:

      Beat me to it!

    • 369
      Sir Barrington Minge says:

      When are you going to pull the flush and disappear you slimy turd?


  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Did you unleash the forces of hell on Darling

    • 29
      Dick the Prick says:

      Darling swatted him like a fly. Just give him my best, Guido, just give him my best support, bud!

      I reckon because the Liberals are taking the hit in local government circles that Labour may have a bit of a resurrgent streak in them and, yet, less than 15 months ago I was waking up wanking over killing Labour stone mudda fucking dead. Be careful what you fucking wish for, ah, fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

      But, yeah, give him my love, Guido bud.


  3. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Why do you think you are so unpopular in your own party ?

  4. 5
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Who is the greatest cricket umpire ever ?

  5. 6
    Bob says:

    Do you know where Morley is?

    • 151
      Anonymous says:

      Blinky holds Morley on a mere 1,000 majority.If Dave and Nick bust open the BBCs monopoly on national and regional news, counter,strongly, Labs doublespeak ( this is essential,infact, this is of utmost importance ) and sort the country out – I’d say Balls is toast,for sure.Thats why Lab must bust the coalition,its their only hope and they know it.

    • 199
      Anonymous says:

      If so.How do you plan to keep your seat with a slim 1,000 majority in 2015 ?

  6. 7
    Question for Blinky says:

    Can you please kill yourself?

  7. 9
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    How close are/where you and Damian Mcbride ?

  8. 10

    In the event your leadership bid is successful would you consider an old friend, mentor and ex-Prime Minister for a shadow cabinet post, and if not, hy not, bearing in mind he’s no novice this time?

  9. 11
    Rags says:

    What’s it like having the surname Balls?

  10. 12
    Lord Palmerston says:

    I am a Conservative voter. I – and every other Conservative voter I know – is backing your campaign. What do you think that says about you?

    • 32
      Anonymous says:

      Love it!

    • 119
      the last quango in paris says:

      or, don’t you think it is a tad hypocritical to congratulate the camerons on the birth of their child given you were prepared to smear them?


      you promised billions of invisible money to pay for schools that now can’t have the money because of your terrible running of the economy – how does that work?


      when Yvette came home and casually mentioned over a spag bol that the defecit was running at a few trillion – why did you promise loads of money to schools and employ trillions of quangos?


      when did you last use your chill out room?

  11. 13
    BoJo, jnr says:

    Are you my daddy?

  12. 14
    Question for Blinky says:

    Who gives better head, Yvette or Bryant?

  13. 15

    Have you ever told a lie?

  14. 16
    p45 says:

    Why did you change your name to Balls, from Balls Up.
    And is Annette Cooper realy a bloke,in drag.

  15. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Exactly what aspect of bullying first attracted you to Labour politics?

  16. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Get the mic to ask a question and just laugh in his stupid face till he claims that your laughter is only for the rich and hurts the poor.
    Then laugh some more until his (probably taxpayer funded somehow) thugs kick you out.

  17. 19

    Why do you wear such a gleeful expression on your face when you’re making spurious claims about the extreme pain and suffering poor people and families will endure at the hands of the Tories? Why do you not take families and the poor seriously, do you not care about them?

  18. 20
    william says:

    do you think it will assist the labour party’s chance of winning the next general election if gordon brown is a member of the shadow cabinet, yes or no?please explain the reasoning for your answer.

  19. 21
    Question for Blinky says:

    How many times a day did you have to give Brown his medication?

  20. 22
    HappyUK says:

    Who are more numerous, the living or the dead?

  21. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Ask him if he understands why every Tory in the land wants him to win this election…..

  22. 24
    Prince of Darkness says:

    Have you learnt to “Love” Peter Mandelson + Chris Mullins ?

  23. 25
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Do you think Tim Lovejoy is a BBC legend ?

  24. 26
    concrete pump says:

    Were you bullied at school and why?

    What makes you think you represent the working class?

    Is Yvette a dirty whore in the sack, (yes or no, i don’t want any descriptions)?

    Have you ever rubbed a fiver on your arsehole and spent it in McDonalds?

    When are you going to fuck off and die?

  25. 27
    Question for Blinky says:

    If you lose, will you go into charity work like your friend Gordon Brown? Oh, wait…

  26. 28
    Anonymous says:

    Ed Balls and Steve Richards eh, That’s two boggle-eyed halfwits then.

  27. 30
    Lincolnshire Squire says:

    Do you regret saying, ‘So what?’ to the impact of the abolition of the 10p tax band on the poor?

    • 38
      jgm2 says:

      Who, exactly, are you to whine about regressive taxes when it was your Labour government that doubled income tax on the poor?

  28. 31
    Tooth fairy says:

    Is it true that your wife had an affair?

  29. 33
    concrete pump says:

    What’s the speed of ‘dark’?

  30. 34
    Gonk says:

    Which area of the British countryside
    known for its natural beauty do you enjoy and admire?
    Or, which Dog fight double do you remember the best?
    My prediction is he’ll stumble over the first bit(Marxists
    don’t do aesthetic beauty) and he’ll probably not
    understand the second bit . Probably didn’t do normal kids stuff.

    • 217
      Pickled Wizard says:

      regarding dog fights – ‘Do you still wear the nazi uniform, and did you buy airfix messerschmidts rather than spitfires when you wrer a kid?

      (methinks the uniform is to convince yvette its someone else…)

  31. 35
    streamfisher says:

    In the light of the debt of £4.8 trillion left by the last Labour government, what steps would you put in place to try put this country on a sound economic footing for the future?.

  32. 36
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Have you ever told the truth ?

  33. 37
    Richard says:

    The Labour Party aka New Labour lost the last election. Was this because they had a blinkered view of the progress you made in Education – Tony Blair’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd priorities?

  34. 39
    Irene says:

    1) What would you cut (and no bullshit about waiting to see how growth goes)

    2) And what underspend exactly was he banking on to fund the school building programme – what if there was no underspend, as that is VERY rare.

    (God how I hate that man)

  35. 40
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Why do you thing Labour always run out of other peoples money ?

  36. 42
    jgm2 says:

    At what point did you realise that it was probably best to just write off the general election and start trying to hold onto your ‘safe’ seat instead?

  37. 43
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Does Damian regret knocking over Guidos pint ?

  38. 44
    jgm2 says:

    Why did you and 400 other Labour MPs just say nothing and sit on your hands while the imbecile Brown ban*ru*ted the UK?

  39. 46
    YokshireLad says:

    Mr Balls, why don’t you fuck off?

  40. 47
    lizzie says:

    Which shadow post do you think you are most fitted for when one of he militwits wins the leadership?

    • 52
      Question for Blinky says:

      I would make him peace envoy to Afghanistan. I’d promise him the usual protection for ministers visiting dangerous warzone but have a message sent to him when he steps off the plane that no officers were available.

  41. 48
    scottish haggis says:

    Why are you such a fucking cock?

  42. 50
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    What makes you think that the country can afford nother labour goverment ?

  43. 53
    Bono is a twat says:

    Come on, their music’s not THAT bad.
    Irish band U2′s first Russian concert was marred after police arrested activists from rights group Amnesty International before the gig began.

    • 109
      smoggie says:

      They were probably seeking an amnesty for Bono’s outstanding tax payments.

      The fucker could wipe out Africa’s debt with a single cheque but he wants the rest of us to do it.

      • 291
        Terry Leahy destroyed Britain, the fucker says:

        Bonio is an arrogant poseur and pseud. Smoggie – you are not wrong. The little bastard would rather keep his millions in a tax haven than dig into it to help the Africans. Do as I say, not as I do.

        • 327
          My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

          he does fuck all for his irish compatriots either,as soon as the artists tax exemption was lifted he buggered off to holland,still,he means well with our money
          Geldof at liveaid asked the people for their f*****ng money,that twat 20 years or so later asked the governments for their peoples money.there is a difference.

      • 292
        Pickled Wizard says:

        Bono is a turd

  44. 55
    Tax is Taxing says:

    Just how appalled and disgusted do you think labour’s founding fathers would be in the god awful mess you have inflicted on the British people… or dont you care as long as you can flip your mortgage.

    • 359
      I am Sick says:

      Labours founding fathers were socialists, with a soft spot for Russian communism. They would have not given a shit about bankrupting Britain either.

  45. 56
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Do you think its wise to stand as leader with a unsafe seat ?

  46. 56
    pachebal says:

    Do you believe in a Judgement Day.
    Think carefully.
    How do you think you’ll do?
    Never mind, forget it – what we really want is one truthful answer for a change.

  47. 58
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Ed , when was the last time that you dressed as a Nazi and do you still have the uniform?

    • 129
      the last quango in paris says:

      what do you think of the prize tosser who came out of court today and gave a nazi salute?

    • 155
      Yvette says:

      He’s grown out of wearing that Nazi uniform. By several inches.

  48. 59
    Baroness Thatcher says:

    Would you support an independent investigation into the allegations of postal voting fraud in your consituency?

    If not, why not?

  49. 60
    Bye Balls says:

    Do you and the Labour party take any of the responsibility for the previous mismanagement of the economy, which has had a negative impact on all our lifes and how do you propose to tackle the deficit?
    How will you feel when you are the first the first to be kicked out of the leadership bid.

    • 361
      I am Sick says:

      Forget the deficit, it’s the DEBT that is the real problem. To tackle that, will require real courage and real pain. Tinkering with current spending while the debt monster grows, is not a solution to anything.

  50. 63
    TV Critic says:

    no matter what, you won’t be able to beat this ……

  51. 64
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Do you support the use off goal line technolgy ?

  52. 65
    pachebal says:

    When you die, where do you think you’ll go?

  53. 66
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Ed, when you used to dress as a Nazi was it a Brown shirt costume?

  54. 67
    concrete pump says:

    Have you ever tortured a small animal?

    • 86
      The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

      Mr Pump that is both subjective and speculative
      What Guido should have ask is
      “Have you ever shoved the insides of a bog roll into your anus and then inserted a gerbil?”
      Then watch until his eyes fall out from shock
      IfI could be arsed getting up so early Id have pop at asking that one

    • 101
      Mr Plum says:

      Just been reading up about him on wiki, I dont think he’s the mug that we all take him for, even attended bilderberg. Seems the old man has a thing for animals in the last paragraph.

  55. 68
    "Saint" Vince Cable says:

    Ed, tell us about selling the gold again? How did you know the price was right? Will you use the same technique to decide when to swap Sterling for the Euro?

  56. 69
    NBeale says:

    Would you be delighted if your wife were made Shadow Chancellor?

  57. 70
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Did the Russian linesman in the 1966 world cup final get it right ?

  58. 71
    Anonymous says:

    Q- “Have you ever knowingly or even accidentally answered a question truthfully”?

  59. 72
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Have you ever been caught having a wank ?

  60. 73
    Benefit monkey says:

    “did he have any contact before, during or after the sale of British gold reserves at the lowest price possible …. against BoE advice ,with Goldman sachs ..?

    Did he take any consideration to their exposure (1000 ton )in Gold shorts when pre announcing the UK gold reserve sale to drive the price down to below sachs postion…?

    Does he now admit that sachs were the only real beneficiary from the reserve sale ?

    Does he now consider this sale of the reserves… financial treason ?”

  61. 74
    Ratsniffer says:

    Do you think that the fact that you come across as a smug, arrogant, sneering public school bully type has anything to do with your unpopularity?

    • 159
      TosserWatch says:

      our ed comes over as a secondary school twat who wouldn’t last 5 minutes at a public school but apparently he did..perhaps he became a creep later in life having been mortally wounded by the shit he got as more than likely he was a meek little wanker who couldn’t fuck his way out of a paper bag but could snivel well to teacher…moronic doubletalking lying bastard

  62. 76
    Anonymous says:

    Assuming that you could not only win the leadership, but also an imminent general election (caused by whatever reason), what limit (if any) exists in your view to the level of public borrowing that the UK could sustain? In answering, please give the reasons to expain why your considered level may be seen by the rest of the world to be realistic.

  63. 78
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Ed is it true that you are ghost writing a book for herr Gorbals titled
    “im camp”?

  64. 79

    Didn’t you realise Blair was barking?

    • 117
      stilyagi_air_corps says:

      No. When did you realise that Blair was barking? Let him squirm on the end of that fork.

  65. 81
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    How many staff have you bullied?

  66. 83
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Do you understand that private secter pays for the public sector ?

  67. 85
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    I have a video of your wife with 3 other men , Do you want to watch it ?

  68. 87
    pachebal says:

    Google the definition of “Psychopath” and believe it

  69. 90
    smoggie says:

    “What is your position on postal voting?”

  70. 91
    Phil says:

    Is there any chance of you or anyone else from your party apologising, just once, for inheriting an economy in surplus and systematically turning the same into a fucking basket case over the course of the last 13 years?

    • 123
      English Heretic says:

      Firm but fair question.

    • 180
      My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

      Economy was screwed by 2005,prudence got a run-out from 97 to 99 so it only took the scottish mong 6 years or so to Balls up what was then the worlds third biggest economy and one of its most stable

  71. 92
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Do you belive in eugenics ?

  72. 93
    Mr Plum says:

    As Gordon’s economic advisor what advice did you give him on the selling of Britain’s gold reserves.

  73. 94
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Was it right to double the tax on the lowest paid , And if not why didnt you resign ?

    • 136
      Gordon Brown says:

      Thanks to my brilliant stewardship of the economy there were no lower paid. Everybody in the UK had an above-average income.

      I met Al Gore once, did I tell you?

  74. 95
    jgm2 says:

    Ned will just shout over any question the second you open your mouth with ‘Iif I could just finish…’, ”If you would just let me answer the question…’ while his thugs jumped on you and threw you out.

    Then he’d field a nice pre-prepared tame question just like the Maximum Imbecile used to do in his ‘meet the public’ set-ups.

  75. 96
    Doc Trough says:

    How many spots on Ellie’s arse? Is that muff maintained or free range and does the lad Yves join in or just watch and fiddle?

    • 107
      Schrödinger's cat says:

      Good point, Doc. Ellie does have facial moles. The chances of her arse being similarly infested must be quite high. Yves will certainly be rubbing one out with her heavily wart infested member.

      • 182
        My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:


        • 284
          Schrödinger's cat says:

          Thank you Mr non-Prius. My other car is not one either!

          • Terry Leahy destroyed Britain, the fucker says:

            The Prius. An Al Gore-style con manufactured by dog eaters and dolphin slaughterers. At least the fat, stupid, hypocritical prick has gone the same way as Cyclops.

          • concrete pump says:

            You are Jeremy Clarkson and i claim my tin of Girling.

          • Schrödinger's cat says:

            Not Clarkson myself, Mr pump. Just moniker’s quantum superposition feline. But you may have been referring to TLdBtf.

  76. 97
    jgm2 says:

    Ned, at what point did you realise Labour had fucked the economy?

    Was it in 2002 when Brown borrowed 3% of GDP and hid another 2% of the books in PFI? Was it 2003 when he did the same? Was it 2004 when he did the same? Was it 2005 when, fuck me, he did the exactly same…..

  77. 98
    laughing hangman says:

    Fuck off and let me shag you wife. I know it’s sick but someone has to.

  78. 100
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Why did you , Mcbride , Draper and whealen decide to smear theTories ?

  79. 102
    Sir William Waad says:

    “How would you eliminate the budget deficit?”

    • 111
      Schrödinger's cat says:

      “….or, in the alternative how soon, given a fair wind, could you double it?”

    • 226
      Budget Lover says:

      Generally, a daily refreshing of the sawdust in the bottom of the cage is sufficient.

  80. 103
    the last quango in paris says:

    - Why did you think it appropriate to prop up Brown when you had so clearly lost the election?

    - if you think you would be a better leader then the other labour candidates would you serve under them?

    - is yvonne looking for a job?

  81. 104
    Suffolk Punch says:

    Did you want to smash ‘brillo pad’ in the face when you appeared on weekly politics last month?

  82. 106
    Tapestry says:

    Milibands have facial irregularities just like you do.

    Is this a requirement for Labour’s new leader?

    The Miliband Sneer.

  83. 108
    the last quango in paris says:

    or, who is living in a parallel universe? you or us?

  84. 112
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Have you found those pesky WMDS yet ?

  85. 113
    davemcwish says:

    Does your muse ‘Bevanite Ellie’ take it up the _ _ _ _ ?

  86. 113
    smoggie says:

    “When you and your wife are at one of your homes enjoying a second bottle of chardonnay, do you ever wonder what the poor people are doing?”

    • 156
      the last quango in paris says:

      do you thik it’s fair that a bank it propping up the indebted labour party when other people are going bankrupt?

      when you see red on a statement do you understand that it does not mean that the sender supports the labour party?

  87. 115
    Gooey Blob says:

    Does he honestly and truthfully think any of the candidates stands a snowball’s chance of winning the next election?

  88. 116
    Schrödinger's cat says:

    In the manner of Nagel, what is it like to be a cat?

  89. 118
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    What is your favourite colour ?

  90. 121
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Can you show me one country where socailisim has worked ?

  91. 122
    jgm2 says:

    Is Brown still being paid the same salary as ‘Leader of the Opposition’? Even though he’s not actually leading the opposition?

  92. 124
    smoggie says:

    “Which of the Milliband brothers will you be supporting for the leadership of the Labour Party?”

  93. 125
    Wan Gok says:

    Did you get dressed in the dark or is that suit from poundstretcher’s summer sale?

  94. 126
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    Is Brown receiveing treatment for depression, and is it double dipped?

  95. 128
    smoggie says:

    What is your view on the aerodynamics of the Nokia N100?

  96. 130
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Do think its right that a goverment takes half of someones wages?

  97. 133
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Which shadow ministry are you hoping for after the leadership contest?”

  98. 134
    smoggie says:

    Maths question: if annual income is twenty pounds and annual expenditure is twenty pounds ought and six, what is the result?

  99. 135
    Question for Blinky says:

    Why are you still stealing oxygen?

  100. 140
    Rev. Cuntwatcher says:

    the spectacle of Edbutnoballs taking questions at Clifford Chance must have been an excellent …they would be tucked up listening to the arsehole pontificate on thinking how much they enjoyed the gravy train whilst Labour were in power and the chances of them supporting the wanker other than to guarantee opposition for the duration of his tenure less than nil.

  101. 144
    davemcwish says:

    What do you think was the cause of the collapse in the Labour vote in the constituency of Morley ?

    Supplementary Question:- What’s with this Co-operative Party lark ?

  102. 146
    the last quango in paris says:

    do you regret flipping your homes? do you still have two houses? when you sell the london house will you give the profit to the tax payer? do you claim two lots of eating expenses even though you live under the same roof? if your whole family travel up and down from london each week who pays for the travel?

    do you think you would have been awarded an A* in maths gcse?

    • 258
      All get Prizes in the Fools Paradise says:

      Now that everyone gets A+ grades they are issuing a New A grade pass to be known as the Continuity A + Pass

  103. 149
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    What is the difference between light and hard ?

  104. 150
    An Alien says:

    Take me to your leader?

  105. 160
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    what drugs are you on ?

  106. 161
    Sir William Waad says:

    It’s the Morley and Outwood Show, starring

    **Max Morley** (mugs to camera, applause) and

    **’Outy’ Outwood**(mugs to camera, applause)

    Thank you ladies and gentleman – and the audience too, thank you – and now – what’s that Outy?

    Let’s talk Balls! Yes, it’s the Pharoah of Frivolity, give it up for ED BALLS! Take it away, Eddie….

  107. 163
    GrimeLord says:

    After 13 years of Labour rule why do so many scools still need building and essential repair?

  108. 165
    smoggie says:

    When can we expect your slim volume of memoirs?

  109. 174
    Question for Blinky says:

    Did Gordon ever do a jobby in the middle of a cabinet meeting?

  110. 175
    Engineer says:

    How would you encourage growth in the economy?

  111. 177
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Have you ever thought about suicide ?

    • 185
      smoggie says:

      Not since Kelly nicked the classic textbook.

      • 200
        Dead spy says:

        I committed suicide by stabbing myself, dismembering my corpse, and putting the pieces into a duffel bag. Anyone who disagrees with this is a member of what Tom Mangold calls the barmy army of conspiracy nuts.

  112. 178
    Question for Blinky says:

    What a joke. We have a right to know who these footballers are so we can enjoy their latest scandal.
    An England footballer has won a continuation of gagging order preventing the “misuse” of private information about him.

    The terms of the orders prohibit either of the footballers from being named.

  113. 181
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Who has the bigger dick you or your wife ?

  114. 183
    Curious Onlooker says:

    Mr Balls, is being a complete economic fuckwit a pre-requisite to be a Labour Cabinet Minister or do you have to practice daily?

  115. 186
    John says:

    How important do you think it is to be popular with the public in order to be the leader of a political party?

  116. 187
    Peace & Love says:

    Do you agree with the idea that David Miliband winning the leadership would mean torture for yourself and the Labour Party? Ouch!

  117. 188
    John says:

    When you lose the leadership ballot who will you then switch allegiance to in order to protect what little career you have left?

  118. 189
    John says:

    If you lose the leadership ballot will you attempt to blame it on the Conservatives?

  119. 190
    smoggie says:

    Which do you think is the better hand cream: Anusol or Germoloids?

  120. 193
    John says:

    What detailed actions would you take to at least balance the Government’s books within five years. Clue : You have a £160bn annual deficit to square off.

  121. 194
    John says:

    Why do you think you are so unpopular with the public? How will you increase your constituency majority at the next election?

  122. 196
    Question for Blinky says:

    Why are you such a despicable sack of puke stained shit?

  123. 198
    John says:

    Can you please ask your wife to stop appearing on television and radio interviews? She is dreadfully repetitive, dull and talks like we’re all three year olds. She also appears to have been to the Patricia Hewitt school of public speaking.

  124. 206
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Why are you a deficit denier ?

    • 209
      Ed Ballsup says:

      I do not deny that there is a deficit only that it is anthropometric, that is to say, it was man-made. Neither Gordon nor myself are real men.

  125. 207
    smoggie says:

    Why did Shergar kill Lord Lucan’s nanny?

  126. 208
    purpleline says:

    Have you ever considered joining in with your wife in a spot of E- urolagnia
    and what are the remaining 5 tests to joining.

    Stop pissing yourself and piss on Yvette a bit more

  127. 211
    Anonymous says:


  128. 214
    Fluffy Thoughts says:

    ‘Nuff zed.

  129. 219
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    How much do you think you would earn in the private sector ?

  130. 220
    Billyboy Hague says:

    Don’t let the buggers get you down Asil!

    Give them like I did and you can get them down as often as you like.

  131. 221
    Silent Bob says:

    ­ ?

  132. 228
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I be elected leader again? And can I be elected prime minister again?

  133. 231
    smoggie says:

    Do you have any recommended treatments for chinese burns?

  134. 233
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever! says:

    Are you as demented as Gordon ?

  135. 234
    Ewanme says:

    Blinky , honey .

    Are you jus tryin to wooo me by flutterin ur eyelids in my direction evry 2 seconds ??

    Ta .

    E x .

  136. 235
    smoggie says:

    Who do you think will be the next leader of the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea? a) Kim Il Son#1, b) Kim Il Son#2, c) Kim Il Son#3 or d) Wan Hung Lo?

    • 331
      My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

      Oh its got to be be D please bob ive never heard of the first three

  137. 237
    Ed says:

    Why were Labour so unprepared for the recession when other countries had surpluses? Did you really think that you’d altered the economic cycle due to your genius when you had no experience outside politics?

  138. 238
    Treason Thinly Carillon says:

    Are you able to say “Do you want fries with that?”?

    • 262
      Wide eyed n legless says:

      Will you be ok selling the big issue.

      • 333
        My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

        Every person bar one I have the misfortune to meet selling that shite in birmingham are imported povertarians so that route to an income has been thwarted by Labours immigration policy
        He is a bit old to be a rent-a-bum-boy too,its lookin bleak,he could try coalmining

      • 348
        Susie says:

        Should be, he’s been selling the big tissue of lies for years.

  139. 242
    smoggie says:

    What did Gordon do with the gold?

  140. 244
    simon r says:

    If you were in power now – would you still be going forward with the schools building program and where would you get the money ?

  141. 245
    simon r says:

    Your wife is a vinegar faced, flat chested, condescending bitch.


  142. 247
    simon r says:

    You and Yvette.

    David Millitwat and Ruth Kelly.

    What is it that makes Labour types want to shag ‘masculine’ women ?

  143. 248
    simon r says:

    What exactly is a 0% rise ?

  144. 249
    Ronnie says:

    what’s it like to have clueless obsessives caring about everything a loser like you does ?

  145. 250
    Anonymous says:

    Why bother?
    All you’ll get is the usual silly-talk.
    Don’t feed him.

  146. 251
    Fwies with that says:

    Why didn’t you ignore your careers advisor at school when he suggested burglary?

  147. 253
    Vi Agra says:

    What does endogenous growth theory really mean?

    • 269
      Tapestry says:

      …..that economic growth is based on technological advance, and not the efforts of entrepreneurs. It thereby becomes acceptable to smash businesses with high taxes and regulation as the growth is inevitable based on a surge of new technology. It removes the human input from the equation, and enables a mechanistic view of social advance.

      That’s why we have record unemployment now, and record debts. People stop investing longterm if they cannot run their businesses as they see fit due to regulation, and if big effort spent in work does not produce any reward, people instead get involved in racing after price bubbles borrowing money.

  148. 254
    d of the Flies9 The Tyranical Rule of Children) says:

    Is the very public support given to you by Bevanite Ellie an embarasment to you ?Lor

  149. 256
    Asil Nadir says:

    do the buggers get you down too ? or is it right side up ?

  150. 259
    All get Prizes in the Fools Paradise says:

    Can you think of a better example of Hubris in modern times than Gordon Brown ?

  151. 260
    Buggy says:

    have you got a thyroid problem?

  152. 261
    All get Prizes in the Fools Paradise says:

    Do you know what a “Potemkin Economy ” is ?

  153. 263
    Fascist Hippy says:

    Question: Would you mind standing up?
    I can’t get a very clear view of you through this telescopic lens whilst you are sitting down.

  154. 264
    Question For Blinky says:

    Blinky, why is it Sloth in The Goonies is better looking than you?

    • 275
      lizzie says:

      Labour folk are much of a muchness aren’t they? damian, whelan, aintbustingagut, gordon, balls, prezza, foulkes ….

  155. 265
    A Bifter says:

    Just set a load of tyres on fire as an offering to the God of smoking and to offend the greens

  156. 266
  157. 268
    Arse policy says:

    “Do you dress Yvette up as Wee Jimmy Krankie, and bum him?”

  158. 270
  159. 271
    Hugh Janus says:

    Does being a prize, gold-plated, five-star Hoon come naturally, or do you have to work at it?

  160. 274
    lizzie says:

    Just as a matter of interest . How were you going to fund the £multi billion Schools for the Future Programme when you knew that you and gordon had already dug us into the biggest financial hole the Uk had seen since WW1?

  161. 279
    A Gayer. says:

    What does Gordon’s brown eye taste like?

  162. 280
    grobdj says:

    Have you ever done a proper job?

  163. 281
    Anonymous says:

    Ther’ll be free drink at the do.

    Guido will be lying in a pool of his own piss somewhere.

  164. 282
    Monster says:

    Evil Satanic war criminal, Tony Blair, has set up a bank to launder money for the global kleptocracy. Behind the scenes there will be hook-nosed Nazi bastards (like Mark Labovitch), making sure no tax is paid, and war profits bring in a massive return for the thieves in corporations and parliaments around the globe.

    • 285
      Monster says:

      And – did you know Blair (widely thought to be a je-w because of the terrible crimes against humanity he has committed with no remorse) spends one week each month in occupied Jeru–salem, with foa-ming-at-the mouth child-kil–ling hook-nosed Naz-is.

  165. 288
    Anonymous says:

    The picture of Balls Blinking with his mouth open is funny!!!!

    Has Ed Balls seen the picture where he is sucking a black mans cock or eating a kitten which has been photoshopped?!!!!! I think they are funny!!!!

  166. 290
    Labour Party says:

    We want you to hate each other.

  167. 293
    petuniabean says:

    Would ask him if he thinks he really has the balls to be leader of the Labour Party.

  168. 295
    Lord Ashcroft says:

    Will you be the new Conservative Party Treasurer ?

  169. 296
    albacore says:

    Please, please, Mr Balls, can you say something gratuitously insulting to the nation, like Mr Cameron does?
    I’ve got your diary deadline coming up and that thing doesn’t write itself.

  170. 299
    Cynic says:

    Just where in America did it happen?

  171. 300
    Cynic says:

    Are you supporting Yvette for Shadow Chancellor?

  172. 304
    Blast from the Past says:

    Cecil Parkinson appears to be morphing into Douglas Hurd only without the glasses.

  173. 305
    Polly Pecker says:

    Where’s my comment gone?

    • 306
      In cider says:

      Do you really care where your plebian comment went? Thought not.
      The spotty interns are running the show tonight.

  174. 307
    Anonymous says:

    So come on then who are the footballers ….. someone out there must know.

    • 309
      Another Anonymous says:

      Who gives a fuck, apart from retards like you.
      A ruling political elite shit in your face, and you’re worried about some overpaid chav’s lovelife.

  175. 311
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    “Ed Balls, do you Vaseline up your arse before Yvette sticks the strap on in, or do you like it hard and dry?”

  176. 313
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    “Running the country your way, Mr Balls, has brought it to the brink of financial catastrophe. Clearly, it needs to be done very differently indeed. What are the three major changes you would make to Labour policy that would set us on the road to recovery? And why didn’t you make them when you were in power?”

  177. 314
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    “Given your party’s appalling record of failure, why should anyone listen to a thing you say?”

    • 323
      Mr Ed Knackers MP says:

      Nobody does listen to a thing I, or my comrades, say. That’s why we ruled this country for thirteen years.

  178. 315
    Comment is expensive says:

    Can I be 300dth?

  179. 317
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    “As the Education Secretary who presided over plummeting results, how will you make it up to the children who are left illiterate and innumerate after suffering under Labour policies?”

  180. 319
    Fred the Shred ( knighted by Gordon Brown ) says:

    Do you agree that giving me a knighthood for services to banking was ‘the right thing to do’ ?

  181. 321
    Michael Mates says:

    Asil Nadir is a straight sort of guy, much as i am.

    • 324
      T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

      Cooeee !!

    • 343
      Stand up fellow Tories and give that outgoing man a standing ovation says:

      Cameron is worth more than Blair can ever be, and as for blood on his hands, who backed his disasterous illegal wars?

      • 362
        dental works says:

        Sorry? but the question should be who lied to get everyone to get them to support it ? oh and i don’t give a crap how much someone is worth !i nay affect me that the likes pressnot and sugar have cash, it don’t make a loaf of bread any cheaper down the shop !.

  182. 328
    Ed Balls says:

    How can you call that an umpire?

  183. 337
    White Van Man says:

  184. 338
    the return of sleaze - Cameron for sale £50,000 says:

    Broken promises

    So much for all those promises that the Tories would be different, after the damage done by Labour’s love affair with mega-rich party donors.

    Remember how David Cameron urged, time and again, that there should be a limit of £50,000 on individual donations?

    How does that sit with this week’s revelation that, two days before the election that brought him to power, his party accepted ten times as much from abrasive h e dge fu nd boss Jon Wood?

    Indeed, in just three months this year, the Tories pocketed no fewer than 15 donations above their proposed limit – the biggest from David Rowland, the former tax exile who resigned as party treasurer last week amid intense scrutiny of his career as a financier.

    Meanwhile, questions are also being asked about the precise tax status of Mr Wood, who only last month declared his state of residence to Companies House as ‘Switzerland’.

  185. 339
    That much is clear says:

    Asil Nadir has come back to Britain to die.That much is clear

  186. 340
    £50k to meet the Prime Minister: Tories embroiled in fresh cash-for-access row says:

    Cash-for-access: David Cameron

    David Cameron is offering rich businessmen the chance to dine with him – if they donate £50,000 a year to the Conservative Party.

    They can enjoy exclusive lunches after Prime Minister’s Questions in the Commons, or meet him at drinks receptions and campaign launches.

    It comes just months after Mr Cameron, while in opposition, made a major speech in which he attacked the murky world of ‘secret corporate lobbying’

    • 342
      Dave "Heir to Blair" Cameron says:

      We’re all in it together, as long as you’ve got 50k for a private meeting where we can bend over to accomodate your needs.

    • 350
      Miguel Portaloo says:

      ‘secret corporate lobbying’. This is corporate fascism (going on throughout the western world).

      Ed Ballsup can go suck his ****, and join his mate Brownstain for a long stretch in the Tower.

      On a more important point, alarm bells are going off in the markets. Hope everyone’s prepared for inflation/ hyper-inflation. Deflationists like Roger Bootle in the DT are WRONG predicting 0% interest rates for 5 years. The endgame is approaching. Gov’t bonds will collapse soon, sending shockwaves through everyones lives.

    • 352
      Anonymous says:

      I think that seeing that it is splashed across media outlets everywhere that this can barely be called secret corporate lobbying!

    • 353
      albacore says:

      I’m a lobbyist. I do all right
      I pamper porkers and spin them shite

      They’re shameless skunks. They’d flog their grans
      For a hooky nine-bob note
      Poncin’ around those members
      Makes me feel a proper scrote

  187. 344
    Tony Blair ex-PM says:

    ‘Who do you love more? Me or the Blackberry?’

  188. 346
    Tony Blair ex-PM says:

    TB Are you fucking stupid?

    EB I have never had sexual relations with stupid.

  189. 351
    Mr Sploot says:

    Ed, did Gordon ever drench himself in fizzy orange during cabinet meetings and go splooot-splooot up Mandy’s bot-bot?

  190. 355
  191. 356
    "Saint" Vince Cable says:

    for goodness sake Dave! When will you do something about the EU? Such as give us the referendum you promised on the Lisbon Treaty.

    • 357
      Albi Here says:

      Cast iron Dave + referendum ,does not compute,so please return to your cupboard until Our Dave requires you to vote for him again.

    • 364
      Vincie Incapable says:

      We need even more immigrants. It’s good for businesses you know.

      Just not so good for social cohesion, law and order, hospital waiting lists, housing, schools, transport and utilities infrastructure, the environment or the long term survival of Britain as a nation.

      • 366
        Sorted says:

        if you have a rat problem let an immigrant sleep in your garden for a week.

      • 371
        InVincable says:

        We’re working on it. Plenty of young foreigners will revive the economy. Not sure what we do with all the English students with AAA* grades, though.

        • 374
          Liblabcon la la land says:

          Plenty of young foreigners will revive the economy.

          Yeah, of course they will.

          …all the English students with AAA* grades

          No good party tribalists moaning about exam inflation. Your parties created it in the first place.

          • InVincable says:

            I take that as you agree with the stupendous exam inflation rates in England? I’m very sorry for hardworking students…

      • 380
        Half Immigrant says:

        For consistency, can you should rant about Brits emigrating? Being a hypocrite is not a good look.

  192. 358
    Lovely Mental Picture says:

    Does Yvette take it up the arse?

  193. 360
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I will mostly be a banana.

  194. 365
    watchout says:

    Spin it anyway you like but Labour locked up a lot of potential terrorists that the conservatives are going to let out.

    • 368
      A lot to answer for says:

      Islam – Brought to British shores by the greed of businessmen and the scheming of politicians.

  195. 367
    MP druglords says:

    Oh look a cheap hotel fit for the “honourable”members

  196. 370
    Labour Liz says:

    Dear Ed

    Q-Exactly how much sausage can you fit up your arse?

  197. 373
    Raving Loon says:

    Why are you such a c,unt?

  198. 375
    FarmerGiles says:

    Whats the most important thing you learnt from GB?

  199. 377
    Postal Vote says:

    Do you need another constituency in which you’re less dependent on postal vote shenanigans?

    PS Shame I did not get on this thread earlier, might be too late for the session this morning …

  200. 379
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin says:

    From the genius who abolished Boom and Bust, the brilliance of ‘light touch regulation’………..

  201. 381
    Anonymous says:

    Ask him why he thinks all the teachers in the UK hate him so fucking much.

    • 417
      Schrödinger's cat says:

      Trouble is, the teachers would probably hate anyone. Even Margaret Thatcher did not manage to reform them.

  202. 384
    SarumSea says:

    Q – what happened to the nice lady and her anti bullying charity after she tolds all those terrible fibs about kind Mr Brown? Perhaps Chis Mullins knows.

  203. 385
    concrete pump says:

    Are you waiting for 400 comments before you change the thread, Guido?

    • 388
      Schrödinger's cat says:

      Or 371?

      • 391
        concrete pump says:

        Possibly not.

        • 397
          Schrödinger's cat says:

          Why not 378 then?

          • concrete pump says:

            I still reckon 400, le chat de Schrodinger.

          • Schrödinger's cat says:

            Getting there slowly but, of course I am Austrian, so I would say Verschränkung. None of this froggy bollox for me! Société Française indeed. Magnétoscope, one of their useless words for VCR. Ha ha ha!

          • concrete pump says:

            Been there, ski-ed that, Obergurgl, very nice.

          • Schrödinger's cat says:

            I have driven there, not in the snow though, on my way to Bolzano just over the border. Tyrol is lovely, summer or winter. I am actually 60km north of Salzburg, but presently in Manchester, or at least my putative owner is.

          • Schrödinger's cat says:


          • concrete pump says:

            Your previous moniker before CRMM, wasn’t ‘Nike’ was it?

          • Schrödinger's cat says:

            No sir. Before this year, I used to post under a number of different monikers, appropriate to each subject that I addressed. Then I went away for a while and by the time I got back, I could not recall them and could not be arsed to look them up (must have been a good holiday!). So I became CRMM, created upon the spur of the moment. Amazed that it upset so many people, so figured I must have been doing something right!

    • 407
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Its thursday and the ale is less than 50p a unit.

  204. 386
    Chutney Muttley says:

    Can Ed and chums do a Brokeback Mountain Christmas Panto?

  205. 387
    ratarsed says:

    Guido has a hang over

  206. 392
    I use the red flag as toilet paper says:

    Do you read all the lovely comments about you, yvette and Gordon on Guido’s site and if so do they inspire you to further madness like Gordon

  207. 395
    Lovely Mental Picture says:

    Does Yvette take YOU up the arse?

  208. 401
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Theres an old wives tale (or old school boys tale) that sucking a lemon in front of a brass band will put them off and make them play duff notes.

    I’d suggest that. If nothing else Balls will be thinking “what the hell is he up to?”

  209. 404
    Gonk says:

    Tum te tum te tum te tum te tum te tum

    Tum te tum te tum tum

  210. 405
    ratarsed says:

    Come on Guido a new post or I’m going to have to post something that will send you into a deleting frenzy

  211. 412
    Wheatchief says:

    Sorry I’m late. I took a wrong turn and ended up in the channel tunnel.

  212. 414
    Eeikalogmay says:

    wikileaks publishes operation ore list naming top UK politicians

  213. 415
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I have my fizzy lemonade now?

  214. 418
    Anonymous says:

    Ed Balls. A man trying desperately to hang on to what’s left of his failing career and party.

    Hope he falls from a great height.

  215. 420
    400? says:

    is this 400?

  216. 428
    Gordon Brown says:


  217. 429
    Mr Plum says:

    Is it always this dull friday mornings

  218. 433
    Dolly the Creep says:

    Blinky – did you find that the only way to get Brown to take his medication was to put a pill on the end of your knob?

  219. 434
    John H says:

    Serious question (with potentially serious implications for everyone in the UK) …

    ‘Is it true that after the first ballot you’ll forge a Granita Style deal with David Milliband, with you playing your Brown, to his Blair on a joint ticket?

  220. 440
    Alexsandr says:

    See how he gots on with this

  221. 442

    Does your wife have a cock ?

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Cathy Jamieson MP, Labour’s Shadow Treasury minister, commenting on Treasury analysis of the economic impact of tax changes…

“If the Treasury is looking at the economic impact of tax changes, then surely it should examine the impact of the rise in VAT and cuts to tax credits? George Osborne’s £12 billion VAT rise knocked confidence, helped to choke off the recovery and has cost families £1,350 over the last three years.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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