August 19th, 2010

Audit Commission Full of Spin

According to PR Week the Audit Commission has 48 “communications” staff – spin doctors to you and Guido. PR Week worries that they may now lose their jobs. Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?


  1. 1
    Shire Tory says:

    Gis a job, I can do that!

    • 14
      ICM show Labour and Tories neck and neck says:

      The ICM poll probably isn’t what David Cameron hoped for on his 100th day in power. Topline voting intention figures are CON 37%(-1), LAB 37%(+3), LDEM 18%(-1). This is the first time an ICM poll has shown Labour catching the Conservatives since October 2007 and the election that never was.

      • 22
        Cynic says:

        Yes – but please give the punters credit.

        Can anyone spot any difference between the Torys and Lying LieBore?

        • 40
          Heir to Blair says:

          I’m the Blair who has a liberal lover.

        • 93
          Steve Expat says:

          ID cards, stop and search, ContactPoint database of children, Free schools, useless fucking quangos like the Audit Commission and their 48 lobbyists PR staff.

          Yeah, I can tell the difference.

          • Yeah But . . . says:

            Apart from ID cards, stop and search, ContactPoint database of children, Free schools, useless fucking quangos like the Audit Commission and their 48 lobbyists PR staff . . what else have the Torys (?Tories) done?

          • lolol says:

            Hooray!! they’re giving away Free schools!

            I’ll have 6

          • Steve Expat says:

            …and a few little things like the politicans talking to each other, No.10 and No.11 not briefing against each other behind their backs, not living for the news cycle every day, the PM answering the questions Wednesday lunchtimes. UK politics just seems to have grown up somewhat in the past three months, compared with the last three years.

            lolol, and 25 years ago there were Free Nelson Mandelas being given out everywhere – did you get one?

          • CCHQ Troll Control says:

            even Guido has commented on Brokeback Dave (there are no splits or behind the scenes briefing in the Libcon lovefest) copying Brown and not answering questions at QT on Wednesdays.

            And Blair’s mini-me has been running feverishly from press cycle to press cycle throwing out blue sky Blairite policy bollocks for weeks.

            No ID cards is good but even the morons in Labour had U-turned and given up on that steaming shitpile of a policy.

            As for the Audit Commission we’ll see what the replacement is like won’t we ? because Pickles certainly doesn’t seem to have a clue how much it will cost or how accountable councils self regulating themselves will be.

          • Silent Bob says:


        • 163
          warafuckinlarf says:

          Liebor had an election pledge that we would have a referendum on Lisbon and Cameron said we could have a referendum on Lisbon and Clegg said we could have a referendum, In or Out of Europe.

          Easy innit

      • 48
        Martin Day BBC Political Correspondent says:

        Who cares. No really, who fcking cares about polls. Theext election isn’t until 2015 FFS.

      • 403
        Die Labour DIE!!!!! says:

        Lib/con 55% Lab37% =no more Liebore party

    • 33
      quango delenda est says:

      Burn it, salt the ground.

    • 168
      Popeye says:

      Would you believe, to make us suckers believe what is completely unbelievable.
      Getting rid of them should reduce my taxes by 0.00000000001%, if I’m lucky.

    • 279
      Up sh1t creek says:

      Ed Miliband spinning like a record….. it was NOT Labour that racked up the record breaking £4Trillion deficit, it was the rest of the world ganging up on the UK to force the UK into recession…. No, nothing to do with spending and borrowing for 13 years like money was going out of fashion (to buy Labour votes).

      Looks like Labour are STILL in denial on who created the recession the UK is in right now (once you strip out the ONS’ recently added “government spending” statistic from the GDP figures you can clearly see the UK is still in recession).

      • 325
        Anonymous says:

        I often wonder how the likes of Ed Milliturd manage to go about their daily business without being repeatedly punched in the face by normal speaking members of the general public.

      • 335
        Anonymous says:


        • 347
          concrete pump says:

          Stab, stab, stab, slice, fwit!

        • 434
          Jethro says:

          347 Pickled Wizard AND, as any Midwife will tell you, the afterbirth does wonders for your rose-bushes!

          • Pickled Wizard says:

            Well Jethro, here lies the problem – I bow to your knowledge that afterbirth has the same plant enriching properties as horseshit, but as to putting either adolf balls (or should that be ball…) or afterbirth around a rose – the kidnapped emblem of bliarism – I doubt whether the country would be keen on either renovation at present.I’d rather dump both on the head of j. naughtie, or his weird gay morning friend. Fuck the BBC.

  2. 2
    kipper says:

    i counted all my beans am i qualified or do i need a stificate

    • 18
      Spin your way out of this Fatboy says:

      • 31
        Yawn says:

        He did 16 month ago, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

        • 46
          Porky Pickles and his Bumbling Buffoonery says:

          and he’s still as fat and dishonest an expenses Piggy now

          no, strike that

          he’s actually gotten FATTER!

          • concrete pump says:

            Tell that to a tory, no one here cares.

          • concrete pump as thieves says:

            luckily no-one gives a fuck what tattyboy thinks

          • concrete pump says:

            Lol, you’ve changed your name so many times and posted so much crap at the wrong posters, that your currently whizzing around in a maelstrom of your own bullshit.

          • concrete pump as thieves says:

            don’t cry and run away from the site vowing never to return again tattyboy

          • titfer tatifilarious says:

            He who runs away is a coward. He who vows never to return but sneaks back in with another ID is a liar. That’s our Tat.

          • stilyagi_air_corps says:

            We’re the only friends TaT has got – terrifying, isn’t it?

          • Alf Garnett says:

            Not much of a contribution to “hang an MP week” in my view. He should have been dangling from a lamp-post in Parliament Square, although it’s possible it wouldn’t bear his weight.

          • MAÎTRE D says:

            And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

      • 188
        warafuckinlarf says:

        Pickles still doesn’t get it.

        Getting up at 5.30 in the morning to travel 36 miles to arrive at 9.30 is bollocks and leaaving at 12.30pm would be unusual. What the fat fart does not get is there are thousands of people who do this and their employer does not pay for a flat.

        Pickles is a shame on the Tory party who clearly they show their contempt by giving the fat wanker a portfolio

        • 275
          I am Sick says:

          I think you are being unfair on fatty Pickles, dim as he is, he is not in the same league of stupidity and uselessness, as say May or Spelman.
          As for troughing, I don’t know about May, but Spelman leaves him standing.

        • 304
          Anonymous says:

          36 miles in four hours is quite do-able on a bike. So why is he so bloody fat?

  3. 3
    GrimeLord says:

    FFS, any one in the civil service or a quango with the word “communications” should be axed immediately

    • 16
      the Communicator says:

      It is with regret that I have to inform you that your services are no longer required.

    • 47
      Grrrrrrrrrr says:

      CORRECT! Axed both metaphorically and physically. Equate public service communications to theft and dish out some Sharia justice. What did 48 communications staff do FFS?

    • 96
      Steve Expat says:

      …and anyone with the words “Equality” or “Diversity” in their job titles – all equally unproductive jobsworth box-tickers, all better off being on the dole then inflicting their Harmanesque bollocks on the rest of us!

  4. 4
    herewegoagain says:

    What will replace it? If there is no oversight we’ll just see more rotten boroughs..

    • 10
      herewegoagain says:

      Sorry, I believe Eric Pickles wants to dismantle the Audit Commission, a lack of oversight is a worry. It will reduce any detailed examination and mean less pressure to improve efficiency. People won’t behave rationally, look at the last few years when we’ve seen more bureaucracy, inflated executive salaries and not much else.

      • 156
        Audit - Kerching - Thank You says:

        …People won’t behave rationally, look at the last few years when we’ve seen more bureaucracy, inflated executive salaries and not much else….

        whilst being safe in the knowledge that the Audit Commission has being doing what it should.

        Let them hang.

    • 26
      you WON'T fucking believe this says:

      Pickles is going to let the 11,000 Councils, yes the Labour and Lib Dem ones too, and public bodies choose and pay their OWN auditors.

      It’s a corruption charter.

      He really is a clueless fat porker who will own every council scandal from here on in.

    • 99
      johnny says says:

      With improved transparency, voters will be better equipeed to decide what is and isn’t a good performing council.

      • 136
        Alf Garnett says:

        You must be seriously nuts if you think there will be “greater transparency”. The good old excuses like “commercial confidentiality” will be aired even more than they are now.

        Nothing like a return to the days of Poulson and T Dan Smith, is there?

        I’m off to polish up my Freemason’s kit and practice my funny handshake.

        • 167
          Musings from my desk says:

          Do you think public audit is ‘clean’.

          ‘Interestingly, one of Poulson’s biggest creditors was the Inland Revenue to which he owed around £200,000. Whilst the Revenue were pressing Poulson for payment of this amount, he was himself presiding over debt hearings in Wakefield in his role as a Commissioner of Inland Revenue.’

          T Dan Smith was a quintessential Labour man.

          I met him at Leyhill Open Prison, Gloucester in my student days . We were bussed in to hold a ‘debate’. This House believes…..

          His Labourite self-justifications and sentimentality was evident to me as a 22 year old, and it jarred then.

          He was articulate, but wrong. ‘End justifying the means’ kind of amoralism

          • AAA+ credit rating says:

            far cleaner than an auditor with is being chosen and paid for by those who are supposed to be being audited will ever be

          • Anonymous says:

            I was in a club once where the auditor reported via the treasurer.

            The thieving bastard treasurer stole 30k from us and we take his house and sell it to get our money back.

  5. 5
    too much information says:

    chinese burn the fuckers

    • 95
      Fiddler-Diddler says:

      Just burn ‘em – the thieving, lying and deceitful toads!

      If you want to torture them Chinese-style first then fine do that as well.

    • 111
      None Jobs says:

      And give ‘em all a fucking dead leg from me!

  6. 6
    NBeale says:

    The Audit Commission used to do really useful work, under outstanding leadership. But sadly it got infected by the NuLabour virus. Just look at the Board! And they have a “Managing Director Communications and Public Reporting” – formerly a Guardian hack.

    • 42
      Groucho says:

      Thats the same NuLabour virus that led to the BusinessLink website costing £35 million to develop.

      Thats right. £35 million. For a web site.

      • 77
        Wheatchief says:

        That needs an audit.

        • 98
          Fiddler-Diddler says:

          I have audited it just now and it should be closed down!

          • Groucho says:

            Decommissioning will cost £10m.

          • Unsworth says:

            Money very well spent. How much more would it have cost us all if allowed to continue. The Audit Commission is not GVM. I doubt that its actions have actually provided more cash than its actual running costs – including pensions various hidden emoluments etc. At best it’s a break even. Why are we employing people in non-productive work?

        • 115
          BusinessLink says:

          We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

          Guess what ?

          He thinks we are doing a great job!

          Thank you Eric Pickles.

          • Tossflap Watch says:

            Business Link is an awful organisation.

            I tried to use their ‘services’ a few years ago. There’s nothing like being advised on setting up a business by a brain-dead suit who has never done any work outside the local bureaucracy/quangocracy.

            So much for creating a ‘culture of entrepreneurship’

            Utter fucking tossflaps. Scrap it. We won’t notice ANY difference.

        • 180
          filipinomonkey says:

          The audit results are in and the conclusion is we need more audits…

  7. 7
    Farrer & Sons says:

    The Audit Commission did not hire a PR firm to ‘lobby’ against shadow ministers:
    The Audit Commission did not pay a public affairs company to lobby shadow ministers. In January 2009, it asked Connect Public Affairs to undertake a specific piece of work called a Perceptions Audit and Influence Map, to help staff better understand the expectations of the forthcoming Comprehensive Area Assessment. This report cost £9,000 and was an assessment of views among opinion leaders across the political spectrum. It was used by communications staff and not seen by senior managers or members of the Commission Board. Neither Connect, nor any other business, has ever been asked by the Commission to ‘lobby’ anyone on its behalf.

    • 9
      smc says:

      mine’s made of Blackpool Rock

    • 12

      If that’s all they’ve ever lobbied for, then why have they got an army of 48 spin merchants?

      • 78
        sir ian botham says:

        I’ve lobbed a few balls in my time

      • 191
        filipinomonkey says:

        Well closer to home Sir Trev IPSA has a Communications Director on £85 000 a year.


        My guess, job creation scheme for Tony’s army of graduates in media studies who can’t get a proper job…

      • 243
        Cassandrina says:

        They needed them to cover the arse of the boss of the Audit Commission and his wife who spent fortunes of our money on years of global junketting while the Labour robber barons we also at the trough.
        Shades of a previous speaker now Lord Robber Hypocrite.

    • 151
      Phil says:

      “This report cost £9,000 and was an assessment of views among opinion leaders across the political spectrum. It was used by communications staff and not seen by senior managers or members of the Commission”

      Any chance of putting that into plain english and by the way if no senior managers or members of the commission authorised this why the fxxx are your underlings spending OUR MONEY like water?

    • 250
      Unsworth says:

      Utter bollocks. WTF is a “Perceptions Audit and Influence Map”? Why is it actually necessary to “help staff better understand the expectations of the forthcoming Comprehensive Area Assessment”, can line managers not do this sort of thing, and do the staff not already ‘understand’, if not why not? For that matter WTF is their definition of a “Comprehensive Area Assessment”? Then again, in the interests of a little clarity, define ‘opinion leaders’ and ‘political spectrum’.

      Of course the Commission has not ‘asked for’ lobbying. How utterly crass would that be? But there are many ways of making one’s desires known, are there not? If nothing else this missive underlines how utterly wasteful the Audit Comission has been with taxpayers’ monies.

      Farrer & Sons you really ought to be able to do better than this. No doubt this ‘response’ was put together by some junior or other. It is hardly likely that one of your well-paid Partners can have drafted this, surely? Incidentally, who is picking up your bill? Would it be the taxpayer, by any chance? So how much has this little exercise cost us, then?

  8. 8
    concrete pump says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place”?

    To try and convince the public that they’re not full of shit.

    • 387
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      There was an expression that went: If you can’t do, teach. If you can’t teach, teach teachers.

      I feel sure that this could be adapted to suit this useless outfit.

  9. 11
    chirles says:

    when are people going to start moaning about the cuts? i’ve hardly heard a peep from anywhere.

    • 17
      John Redwood says:

      Surely you mean the slowing down of year on year spending increases dear boy!

      • 21
        chirles says:

        i thought we were cutting by 25% across the board? where did i get that from? is that in real terms or something?

      • 32
        John Redwood says:

        After Osbornes budget, it was calculated that each year from 2010 to 2015, this government would spend more than the previous year culminating in the nationl debt increasing at the end of it.

        If that’s cuts then I’m a fucking Chinaman matey!

        • 45
          chirles says:

          so where does the 25% come from?

          • never listen to a vulcan says:

            the treasury are asking for 25-40% cuts in all departments except the NHS and I.A.

          • An Insider says:

            You tell me, they’ve been told to go and prepare for cuts between 25% and 40% – Yet public spending will increase year on year according to the red book until our national debt in 2015 is significantly higher than it is now.

          • Engineer says:

            “Asking for proposals” and “implementing” are not quite the same thing. Suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.

          • Steve Expat says:

            Departmental spending is going to get seriously cut becuase the debt interest payments are rising so much.

            It is true that neither this government nor any of Thatcher’s governments actually managed to reduce total government spending in money terms year on year.

        • 72
          Enron school of economics says:

          So Vulcan head, the government will spend “more” each year. Yet local authorities and most government departments will receive LESS money than the previous year.

          So where is the “extra” money going???

          • Anonymous says:

            There’s a lot of intrest on all that debt we owe!

          • Tony says:

            There’s a lot of intrest on all that debt we owe!

          • drphilyerboots says:

            Interest payments this year 35 Billion, 75 billion in 2015. That’s where the missing money is. Simples.

          • Mike Hunt says:

            Wasn’t Gordon Brown (who we all ask hopefully) a great C of E.

          • Enron school of economics says:

            So, according to the economic school of Vulcan and Guido, if you reduce the amount of money you give to every government department (with a few exceptions but still reduce the net amount given overall) i.e. CUT the amount of money, but then use the amount CUT plus a bit more to pay interest………then there are no CUTS.

            I get how this means we are not cutting the amount of money the government spends in total, but you have to be a complete moron to suggest this means there are no actual real cuts happening to public expenditure at most departments.

            It does however show what a complete mess the country is in!!

      • 81
        great granddad says:

        I’ve felt a slowing down of the economy – it’s in me water you know yes, it’s much slower than it used to be

  10. 13
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Slash and burn em

  11. 15
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    You could properly cut 30% of the public sector and no-one would notice !

    • 24
      chirles says:

      i work in the public sector. you could sack at least 80% of the lazy fuckers (i include myself in that).

    • 44
      A po-faced, crop-haired, hand wringing, ShamPain SoSherLyst NHS Apparatchik (either fat or scraggy) says:

      Us at the top of the NHS ShitHeap work very hard at our pointless jobs.

      I’ve already been to three pointless meetings this morning. And there’s five more to do today.

      Really, one never stops!

      And I need MORE staff in my Department!

      • 169
        Out at a meeting says:

        If it wasn’t for the meetings there wouldn’t be enough for us NHS managers to do…

        • 187
          Grumpy Old Man says:

          …….and you bugger up the operation of a hospital by insisting that those with real jobs attend your bloody meetings. A Ward Sister can spend up to 60% of her time in shitty little meetings instead of chasing ward staff to make sure the patients get the care they need.

          • failing ward with terrible cleanliness says:

            We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

            Guess what ?

            He thinks we are doing a great job!

            Thank you Eric Pickles.

    • 106
      Steve Expat says:

      This Telegraph article suggests it could be only 30% that need to be kept on…

      • 181
        I am Sick says:

        Having “worked” within a leading Local Authority, I can confirm the article is accurate. I can also confirm that the rates of pay, terms and conditions and holiday and sickness provisions, were far superior to any equivalent private sector job. They really could take a twenty five to thirty percent drop in staff and nobody would notice any difference in service.

        • 239
          Corrupt Local Authority says:

          We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

          Guess what ?

          He thinks we are doing a great job!

          Thank you Eric Pickles.

  12. 19
    Taxfodder says:

    48 only 48!

    Holy Mary surely there will be more than that for the chop?

    As there are bound to be more chiefs than indians best to start at the top and work down for best effect!

  13. 20
    silence from pickles says:

    how much will the new private contracts cost ?

    it’s PFI all over again

  14. 23
    Hazel Blears says:

    I’d like to talk about unpleasant femanine itching.

  15. 28
    Drama Queen says:

    Off with its head!

  16. 29
    thick as thieves says:

    Bold Slasher, here be I.

    Slash ‘em off, I say. Slash ‘em off, so they ‘aint got ‘em no more, can’t look you in the face manly like.

    Slash ‘em off, boy, slash ‘em off …

  17. 34
    Shylocks 5 : taxpayers 0 says:

    So auditing, privatised, will now be done by the dirty hook-nosed Nazis, and Britain will see corruption in local government and the public sector, increase to the same levels as the filthy 3rd world shit-hole, the USA.

    By the time this creepy little bastard, Cameron, is finished, everything in Britain will be privatised, and the kleptocracy will be charging us £10 for a lungful of air.

    • 61
      An open letter from; The 5 Labour leadership candidates says:

      Oi, you pillock, you’ve just given away our first manifesto promises!

    • 116
      Hank says:

      It already is you dickhead, that’s why the NHS is a registered business, just like your county council.

  18. 36
    Are you a mong ? says:

    Are you a mong?
    Do you believe political party’s are different ?
    Did you vote for the same MP you had last time?
    When confronted by privacy issues do you say I have nothing to hide so I don’t mind surveillance ?
    Do you watch Jeremy Kyle ?
    Do you think the media tell the truth ?
    Do you pay 300 pounds for trainers ?
    Do you watch Big brother ?
    Do you think drug companies have cures ?
    Do you believe in global warming ?

    If you answared yes to any of these questions you are a mong.

  19. 38
    MI5 says:

    The Audit Commission should not have ONE spin doctor

    FFS – They are meant to give us the facts not spin…

  20. 43
    Jack says:

    OK fook

    We now have to look at the Grinning Ape instead of Mandelscum

    Are Amazon luvvies as well ?

  21. 49
    Bob says:

    The Sun on SamCam

    “She fell pregnant…”

    Do you fall pregnant, or rise pregnant lie pregnant or just become pregnant ?

    • 63
      Sam Cam says:

      Don’t know – I wasn’t there when it happened.

    • 64
      Hack Saw says:

      Thats code for its someone elses.

    • 71
      Sir William Waad says:

      ‘Fell pregnant’ implies that she did not want to become pregnant. If the Sun wants a short, direct word they could say ‘got pregnant’.

    • 84
      twat says:


      you fall in love
      then you fall pregnant

      it’s government sex education innit?

      • 107
        Government Sex EdyerKayta says:

        No! No! No!

        We teeech them to give and take up the chuff.

        No one mentions ‘love’ . . woz it meen anyway?

    • 108
      Engineer says:

      Did she “fall pregnant” because it was her turn to leap from the top of the wardrobe?

      • 383
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        I thought they had stopped doing that in Sheffield due to Health and Safety?

    • 129
      Cripes! says:

      She fell on Boris’s cock

    • 143
      proverbial says:

      if you fall pregnant does that make the landing easier?

    • 144
      The Magi says:

      You’re all wrong. It means that it’s going to be a virgin birth.

      • 194
        Vicky Pollard says:

        that’s . . . loik . . . immaculut conshepshun . . innit . . ?

        loik when sharon got stuffed by shane ‘n sharon said she nevva but shane said he woz tha dadda?

        leeeve orf willya !

        • 208
          The Magi says:

          Well done, Vicky. You have an exceptional grasp of Human Biology. Take an A* and a place at Oxford, and join the Bullingdon.

          • Jack says:

            Please dsign a uniform for Wimmin Bullingdoners

            Its equality innit…

          • Jethro says:

            Jack – At the Bullydrone Club, we have found women to be generally unsuitable for membership: they tend to get a bit agitato at the breaking of wind, let alone the breaking of glass, and to complain when members use the pot in the side-board cupboard – along the lines of ‘Why can’t we…?’ Well, fine, have a go, do.’ ‘But you know I’ll look ridiculous, you’ll all laugh at me, and I might sprinkle the carpet…’ ‘Just think how much the chaps would all enjoy it, though!’ ‘You are disgusting, disgusting!’ ‘Well, you can always smile gently and quietly slope off to the Ladies.’ ‘You are all so primitive: I can’t believe it! ‘”The Ladies”! How sexist can you get!’…
            Besides, when did you ever hear a chap complain, ‘Just look at my shirt! Covered in soup-stains, thanks to you and that idiotic lobbing of bread-rolls! It’ll have to go to the cleaners.’ ‘But let me make amends by paying for the cleaning.’ ‘That’s not the point! I was very fond of this shirt – put it on specially tonight, and now look at it! I’m going home!’ ‘Let me order you a Taxi.’ ‘Taxi? You brute! Don’t you understand? I said, I’m going home!’ ‘It’s all right, I’ll settle with the cabbie, make sure he’s a regular, properly-licensed…he’ll see you safely home.’ ‘You’d send me off with some unknown man, at dead of night, in an improperly-licensed cab, with my shirt like this!’ ‘Oh, sorry: I’ll come with you…’ ‘Come with me? See me home safe? And then what? Back to your revelling and rioting! You just don’t care, do you, DON’T C A R E!’

  22. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Bit of a New Labour phenomenon in the fact everyone was spinning so the truth never got out

  23. 54
    Phantom says:

    Just a portent of more to come. 48 spin doctors for a bunch of accountants? What is so contentious about being an accountant that you need 48 of the angriest people in the world to spin all their worth for you.

    Are their actually 48 Jocasta’s and Jemina’s in the entire sodding UK?

    When October’s review is completed, I hope that they name a date called F-Day. Freedom Day (or f*ck off day). Say the 2nd of November when they are giving 90 days notice that the government can no longer afford to pay these blood sucking leeches. No more discussion, one big fat layoff of the useless.

    Let’s see how long the BBC can keep that in the news for.

    One big slashing hard cut. End of story.

    In the words of one ex-Labour minister they can stack supermarket shelves.

    • 62
      Jack says:

      Freedom Day should include plans to slash the BBC budget and then break it up and flog it off…

      • 94
        proverbial says:

        and hang them, hang Mark Thompson, hang Des Lynham, hang Gabby Logan ….hang them all

        • 110
          Fiddler-Diddler says:

          Everyone says hang ‘em but what about the good ol’ hanging, drawing and quartering … that would work better just in case they tried to come back from death like Mandelson always seems to be able to do?

          • Phil says:

            I’d rather bury them upside down, alive, with a shovel, predicated on the fact that it would take a bloody long time to reach australia.

        • 148
          Albert Pierrepoint says:

          I’m here to serve.

          New ropes all round.

        • 427
          (puffing) Am I too late? says:

          And Krusty Sqwauk Sqaurk squaek . . . actually – how do you spell squawk?

  24. 57
    right and wrong way to do things. says:

    Why do the depressed take it out on themselves and their families for government incompetence?
    They should go hunting for their local member of parliament.

    • 119
      Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent says:

      I don’t have a local MP. Not a real one just one who pretends he is my MP.

      Any ideas where I might get one of those local MPs that will actually do a days work or at least pretend to do a days work?

      • 197
        Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent says:

        Actually, I think we should all be strung up for foisting this article on the country.

        We must ‘of’ needed our heeds examined.

        • 199
          ANOTHER Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent says:

          I should make it clear that the preceeding message was from ANOTHER Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent not the previous one before the one that was before that.

          There, I think that’s in keeping with the spirit of the pronouncements from the Illustrious Member and Saviour of the World wot hails from round these parts.

        • 252
          Cassandrina says:

          Ask the bbc as they seem to have forgotten him or at least will not mention his name. Try the Toady Programme on radio 4 as they need to spice their programme up, and a missing, believed dead, mad Scottish MP could just fill the ticket.

      • 393
        The Kunt of Kirkcaldy says:

        You ungratefull fucks! I saved the fucking universe from finacial meltdown.

    • 154
      John Peel says:

      Mine’s laid so many false trails that the hounds can’t find her.

  25. 58
    Auditor says:


    How many spin doctors, spin spivs, “public relations” companies and other similar no gooders are employed by the public sector (Government, quangos, local authorities etc) ?

    There must be a bloody army of them, thousands of them ?

    I suppose they are all luvvies as well, with gold plated pensions and all the crap…

  26. 60
    double dip says:

    onwards and upwards

  27. 66
    Sir William Waad says:

    ‘Communications staff’ – wouldn’t that be the post boy?

    • 91
      Mandy says:

      Someone mention boys?

    • 103
      Engineer says:

      There are many grades of communication staff.

      1) Pigeon keeper.
      2) Scroll Scribe.
      3) Tapestry embroiderer.
      4) Clay tablet impressor.
      5) Stone tablet lettercutter.
      6) Semaphore signaller.
      7) Smoke signal firelighter.
      8) Distress flare firer.
      9) Telegraph wire stringer.
      10)Telephone switchboard operator.
      12)Website builders.
      13)E-mail machine oilers.
      14)Speaking tube rodders-out.
      15)Hand-held device fiddlers.

      Regrettably, however, none of the above are authorised to tell people what they want to know.

      • 447
        Heliograph mirror-fettler says:

        103 I think you forgot us.

      • 462
        Glencannon says:

        Ah, speaking tubes Engineer! Reminds me of the time when the f*****g second mate called me up on it down the engine room – by blowing the whistle inserted in the end of it of course – and when I answered pouring cold tea down the bloody thing. Got my own back but that’s another story.

  28. 68
    Ellie Gellard says:

    You’re a diamond,Guido

    “Before the election we were told that cuts could be achieved through efficiency savings, that the most vulnerable would be protected and front-line services preserved. These pledges have not lasted 100 days,” said Guido Fawkes

    “There is an alternative with policies designed to promote growth and to close the deficit with taxes that target those who did so well out of the boom years and have already escaped the recession.”

    • 90
      proverbial says:

      and Ellie, you’re 172% fucking crap

    • 118
      Mr Plum says:

      Must have blinked and missed the boom years or do you mean the years of unsustainable cheap credit that was all wasted

      • 210
        filipinomonkey says:

        And the outsourcing of our manufacturing to the Chinese which kept inflation low…

      • 218
        I am Sick says:

        Yep that was them, 97 to 06, the tidal wave of debt was really building by 06, so Jonah decided to really start turning the taps on. I mean, what harm could it do?

  29. 69
    Above it all says:

    The Eurocrats (32,140) are to have salary increases of 5.35% over two years part backdated to 1 July 2009.

    They expect to win a European court judgement (against a block imposed by EU Governments) in the next few months.

    The judges are paid under the same formulae and conditions.

    The minimum pay of of a juniorEU official would (inc allowances) be €4125 per month ( 40,000 Pounds per annum)

    Not for them the belt-tightening and austerity the citizens of Europe are confronted with.

    Bild Zeitung (Germany)

  30. 74
    LieFinder General says:

    There is job to be done.

  31. 80
    110% pass rate says:

    Those with A* ‘A’ level are all winners:

    • 85
      Same Old Shit says:

      Looks like a Labour leadership race to me.

      • 232
        I am Sick says:

        Everyone a winner, a future fair for all in action. ZaNu “brilliance” at it’s finest.
        I just wonder who is going to break the news to the proud recipients of these worthless bits of paper and tell them the truth that, just like a Zimbabwe billion dollar note, all those A*, are pretty much worthless. Or would that be too unfair?

  32. 88
    proverbial says:

    Does anybody really know what use an MP is?

    Mine answers questions I’ve not asked and doesn’t answer questions I have asked. It makes no difference whatsoever anyway. The want us to engage in the political debate but they and there cabal of little helpers conspire to make the world a miserable place to live in at my fucking expense!!! get rid of them

    • 142
      Wheatchief says:

      If you freeze dry them you can feed your dogs for a month.well the fat ones.

      • 150
        me 2 me says:

        The dried ones burn well on cold winter nights.

        • 448
          Jethro says:

          Gran’pa alway used to say, ‘Certain substances won’t burn’… well, wot he actually said woz. ‘%^i+ won’t burn.’

      • 162
        Alf Garnett says:

        If you do, remember to provide plenty of fresh drinking water. It helps to dilute the toxins that they contain and which could turn your dog into a slavering, rabid, expensive, disloyal and useless creature.

        • 186
          Peter Mandelson says:

          >a slavering, rabid, expensive, disloyal and useless creature

          You called?

          • Alf Garnett says:

            Dogwhistle politics, eh!

            Back to your kennel before I send you to the vet for that essential operation.

  33. 97
    Dave Ward says:

    as any fool knows, communications covers a multitude of things.

    Did you stop to think they might be writing, proofing and putting together the huge number of audit reports the commission produced?

  34. 100
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Breaking news

    Tory bear gets a girlfriend !

  35. 113
    Social Origins of Dictatorship says:

    Why not just tell every single comms function in whitehall, westminster and quangoland, plus local government, that they have to halve the spend on comms – marketing, PR, everything – doesn’t matter how they do it, they just have to halve it.

    it’s not frontline, so they shouldn’t be spending loads on doing it.

    ask matt tee to do it, before he sacks himself – why do we need a separate perm sec for communications?

  36. 117
    Linda Lee says:

    Ha! It’s ironic that many of you bemoan the use of ‘spin’, then instantly lap up any old guff you’re fed in a blog, if it suits you.

    I know parts of the Audit Commission. Most of their ‘communications’ people are website teccies; people sorting out training events for external clients; or those publishing hard-copy reports. And all on the lower rungs of the salary ladder.

    Not much spinning there. But, of course, that doesn’t make for much of a story.

    • 124
      TiT says:

      Stop spinning and pack you bags, Linda .

      • 185
        Linda Lee says:

        There you go again – jumping to conclusions. I work in recruitment, not for the Audit Commission. So no need to pack my bags just yet, Tit. Mind you, the way we’re heading in this country, I won’t stray too far from my Louis Vuitton set.

    • 127
      Engineer says:

      Hmmm. Not by any chance spinning a little, are we Ms Lee?

    • 275
      Sir Everard Digby says:

      The fact remains that the audit commission raised it’s income from local and health authorities but still managed to operate at a loss. Redundancies started in 2009 under Labour 5.3 million quid and 76 staff.Didn’t hear anyone complaining about that.

  37. 121
  38. 125
    Lord Michael Caine says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?”
    So that Ministers have ready made lies to tell the public.

  39. 126
    Spinning top says:

    Many Labour party members come from industries such as meeja and PR. Hence the amount if tax-funded wanky jobs that 13 years of Liebour government produced. It’s cronyism chaps.

  40. 128
    Brokeback Bride says:

    Bride Breaks Back In Honeymoon Balcony Fall

    Fishy story. It sounds to me like they were doing LibDem type bumming on the balcony, and she got bummed over the railing. She was a public sector worker (primary school secretary – overpaid moron who works 10 minutes a week) so she deserves no sympathy.

  41. 133
    Will post link to audits audit,ie accounts next. says:

    one of the audit commissions chaps.$File/VictorAdebowale-web.jpg

  42. 140
    Jake Manlove and the Fabulous Fennel Racket says:

    Sack the lot of them. Useless, expensive Hunts.

  43. 145
    serious Question. says:

    Can DNA be found in pigshit?

  44. 146
    The Delusion continues says:

    Apparently its another record breaking year for A grade results.
    The Delusion continues apace

  45. 147
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    First they came for the spinners …………………

    • 183
      Types without giving a shit about grammer and punctuashun says:

      and I let them and cheered them on.

  46. 149
    50 Calibre says:


    Snottie McTwat has broken cover and is gracing Jimmy Reid’s funeral in Glasgow…

    • 153
      Gone Fuckin mental says:

      There all fuckin doomed now !

      • 214
        50 Calibre says:

        Blinky Bollocks is there to.

        Jimmy Reid must start revolving in his coffin very soon…

        • 255
          I am Sick says:

          ZaNu are like the Mafia, when one pegs out, the whole “family” must show dere respect. Old commie Jimmy was one of their own, even though they publicly denounced him, he worked for the family.

    • 178
      TiT says:

      Is he with Sarah?

    • 192
      Sir William Waad says:

      Reid was ten times the man that Brown is. Brown is not fit to undo the buckle of Reid’s sandal.

      • 377
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Agree. He was mistaken in his thinking and direction, as witnessed by his two main changes in political support, but he was an honest, cultured and intelligent man.

  47. 161
    Susie says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?”

    My theory is because they have zero expertise in anything and no practical experience of professional or business activity at all.

    The public sector is the only place which will employ them, therefore they have to buy in ‘consultants’ if anything more challenging crops up than setting up the next meeting. They’re not even in a position to judge the worth of the consultants. No wonder we’re fucked.

  48. 165
    Tony B£air says:

    No i fucking won’t be donating any money to maimed Iraqi orphans,now fuckoff.

  49. 174
    Anonymous says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?”

    Because twats like Guido lie through their teeth about them all the time?
    Because knuckle-dragging inadequates like most of your commenters don’t understand why most organisations have internal comms staff?

    • 176
      Your why the corrupt get away with it. says:

      and you are a man of principle,full of conviction,hiding in anonymity

    • 177
      Anonymous says:

      lick my turd

    • 200
      South of the M4 says:

      Price Waterhouse Cooper have 15 PR staff shown on their website. No doubt there are more as these were just the senior bods. The Audit Commission had lost its way and become political so right that it should be abolished. Private industry survives by using private auditors. Just don’t think the number of spinners is relevant.

    • 212
      Backwoodsman says:

      ..”Most organisations have internal comms staff.” True – working in a national household name service company , turnover > £150 million, there are , ….3. But hey, thats us inadequates for you.

      • 262
        Scammerwatch says:

        The web techies don’t even need to be there,all their stuff can be done remote.Now there is a job execs and CEO’s should consider,employ a web and Computer adviser about who needs to be employed and who can be bought in as required.Lots of techies set it up so they have full time work were its not needed,

    • 287
      GrimeLord says:

      Work for an International company, approx 1000 in the uk, Markeing staff 7.

      So fuck off you spaz

    • 406
      The only inadequate here is the anon mong shitting bricks about losing his not very useful job says:

      What a fucking Hunt you are, YOU ARE A FUCKING NOBODY SON and don’t you forget it, Harder working and cheaper Indians and Chinese can replace you at the drop of a hat.

  50. 175
    Do not feed the mongs says:

    still on mongs?never learn do you,keep voting.

    • 238
      Super tat twat Liebour voting zombie Mong says:

      ewwwwwwwwlll ewwwwwwwlll shuerrrrrrrr gawwwwwww!
      Meee voteee foor daa Lieeebour parrttty, feeeed meee mooore beneeefits pleease…


    • 246
      ill egal immi grant says:

      Can wezz have a amnesty mon, so Izz can vote 4 de Labour and get me benefits too?

      • 313
        inner city labour worker says:

        No need, we have postal votes to take care of that, I’ll bring a load over.

  51. 189
    Penfold says:

    Looks as if the firebrand was tossed at the right target and scored a direct hit.

    Stuff the PR industry, bunch of parasitical scum.

    Put the lobby up against a wall and the Augean Stable begins its cleanout.

  52. 202
    Eric Pickles says:

    It has been brought to my attention that the commentators on this site are spastic benefit claimants who spend all day here.

  53. 203
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    It started in scotland !

    • 211
      Jimmy Died says:

      Jockfest funeral going on BBC now

      • 215
        Gordoom Brhoon the Hoon of London Toon says:

        Ah’m sae sad tae see ma bonny Jummy is nae more!

        Ah’ll issue ma’ statment in tha’ Hoose.

        He did mae fa’ industry than ar did!

        • 226
          Union Reps R Us says:

          So Reid went home on a Friday during strikes telling his wife why he had no wages.And Gordon Browns book will go to number one in the best seller list.

      • 223
        TiT says:

        I oppose terror bombings,but in this case……

        • 242
          Gone Fuckin mental says:

          Cant we use the time to seperate scotland from england and sell it off ?

          • Have a garden centre. says:

            I hate union bastards.They fuck everything.Liverpool had a huge port,they fucked had thousands of seamen,they fucked that too.It had hundreds of dockers,they fucked them as well.Most of them are from Liverpool or Glasgow.

          • view Count says:

            Nick the mouse is making sure he gets lots of airtime while the moggie Cameron is away

  54. 205
    Ummmm says:

    Anyway, what interest has ‘Up The Bum Weakly’ in the Audit Commission?

    Apart that is from all the bullshit, claptrap, hype, dissembling, mind-numbing drivel normal to all PR people.

    Or indeed, vice versa.

  55. 209
    ICC Spokesman says:

    We can confirm that Guido Fawkes has been nominated for cricketer of the year .

  56. 219
    Book of the Day says:

    “Skiing for Beginners” by R Supward

  57. 228
    David Laws says:

    Nick Clegg pledged action not words on political blogging today as he highlighted a scheme to improve blogging in homes and offices.

    The Deputy Prime Minister said the logging to the site “Order Order”could save millions of households up to £550 a year by providing them with upfront political blogging

  58. 231
  59. 232
    Tony Blair says:

    Education , Education , Education !

  60. 236
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    No department needs spinners !

    Just be fuckin honest with us !

  61. 240
  62. 244
    Corrupt Council says:

    We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

    Guess what ?

    He thinks we are doing a great job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles.

  63. 247
    Chris Huhne says:

    Just ate 10 yogurts in a row

    I’m Mullered.

  64. 253
    McDoom! says:

    Today I have been attending Jimmy Reid’s funeral. And writing another 79,000,000 words of my memoirs.

  65. 259
    Gordon Brown says:

    I will not let you down .

  66. 264
    Autobin says:

    Noticed a lot lately that anything in moderation,modded,never actually gets modded and shows up.A few mods I had have never come on line,and they are not anything to get all censor about

  67. 265
    Nick Clegg says:

    I’m in power now and its started going to my head,
    By the way I’m also fucking my Spanish wife in our bed.
    Look at me now deputy PM on 8%,
    It all went wrong when David Laws went.
    But I still have my power as its like being on crack,
    And Me and Dave have always loved a bit of broke back.
    So fuck you all you’ve still got me for five more years,
    So lets cut this state down to size and have no more tears!

  68. 266
    Nick Clegg meets says:

    looking for 20 something into bummin n rimming.

  69. 270
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    how many spinners at the BBC

  70. 272
    Ed Balls says:

    I talk to people, a fair few of whom are ex Lib-Dems and some ex Tories too.

    Not one of them is at all pleased with the work of this government.

    This spinning by Guido Fawkes for the coalition is increasingly shameless and guff like”the generally positive esteem in which the coalition is held” is just laughable.

    Let’s conduct a quick poll on this forum, who holds the coalition in ‘positive esteem’?

    I’m with the ‘No’ camp.

    • 274
      Gone Fuckin mental says:

      Compared with the labour goverment , I reckon coalition doing ok 7/10

    • 280
      Chas says:

      I’m about 9/10 in favour of the coalition, although I would have
      preferred it if the Labour gerrymandering effect hadn’t prevented
      the Tories from getting an absolute majority.

      Not too impressed by proposed increases in retirement age and delays/cancellations of winter fuel allowance (I’m 59).

      What I’d really like is a return to a sensible interest rate. A couple
      of years ago you could get a fixed-term bond that returned over 7%.
      That’s all gone down the pan now.

    • 281
      Bill Payers says:

      the ad man cometh

    • 289
      Sion Simon says:

      Let’s enjoy this tumultuous Tory tango of tragic telekinesis from our box seats. Maybe we can permit ourselves a wry chuckle( silently,of course, can’t scare the sleeping children) and,yes cry,always cry. So that’s me in the no,no thank you camp.And so it goes on,wheels within crystal domes of fleshy,heart-breaking beauty.I rest my case.

    • 323
      White Van Man says:

      Obviously I prefer the right side of the LibLabCon machine but I never voted for any of them. The machine doesn’t go right enough for my liking, and no one seems to have the balls to tackle the other problems left by ZanuLiebour. Its early days though and the shit is still to hit the fan, but after 13 years of cun’ts it is a welcome relief, 6/10 so far.

      Junior partner, wishy washiness, too plasticy, fucking Turkey in the EU, what a prick!

    • 364
      Anonymous says:

      The coalition government is a welcome relief from the lying evil negligent morons that had been running the country for the last 13 years and who created £4trillion of debt, did more economic damage to the uk than 2 world wars combined, pissed all over our miltary and then smeared them when they started telling people the truth, and who significantly contributed towards the worst global recession for about 80 years by creating the most negligent kind of contagion-friendly quangos/systems you could ever invent.

      The coalition have done some things that I don’t welcome (such as giving people who can afford 30k for a brand new prius a 5k check from the tax payer), but overall they seem to be doing a good job so far.

      In particular, the new government actually speak english and answer questions, and don’t lie too much, and that’s a fantastic relief from 13 years of constant smearing, lies, spin, obfuscation, and general total denial of reality.

      I give the coalition 9/10 so far, simply because they seem to be using logic, reason, common sense, and they actually think about what they do.

      For 13 years labour had been doing things that make absolutely no logical sense because they could never admit that their whole ideology can never ever work as it just doesn’t make sense in the real world.

      Everyone I’ve spoken to says the same; labour being kicked out is like a massive weight off their shoulders, because now the people running the country are actually capable, and aren’t just university champagne socialists with no understanding whatsoever of reality and who have no common sense and who are unable to follow the most basic logical reasoning/argument or even maths for 4-years-olds.

      Labour were unbelievably stupid, negligent, and evil, and I hope they never come anywhere near power ever again.

  71. 277
    albacore says:

    Did Pickles not say that nobody from the Audit Commission would end up without a job?
    (That’s a rhetorical question).
    Every egg a bird, no matter how daft a canard, eh Fawkes, eh?

  72. 282
    Ed Balls says:

    We never raised vat !

    • 285
      Balls by name, Balls by nature says:

      Funny, I distinctly remember it going up from 15% to 17.5%. Presumably you regard this as one of Snotgourmet’s 0% rises.

  73. 293
    Derek Draper says:

    Can someone lend me a fiver ?

    • 307
      Job Centre Plus says:

      You’ll get no handouts here you sponging c’unt, get off your fat fucking lazy arse and get a job!

  74. 295
    Ed Balls Public Relations says:

    edballs challenging Gove to game of University Challenge

  75. 297
    Gordon Brown says:

    I was the main guest at Jimmy Reid’s funeral. Everyone applauded me when I arrived and asked for my autograph. I’m still loved.

  76. 299
    Ed Balls says:

    We abolished boom

  77. 300
    Confused says:

    The Audit Commission was asked to investigate our town council because it “might” have broken a rule – real reason, our district council didn’t like what we wanted to do and needed to find a way of stopping us. The problem: no-one would or could tell us what the rule was and how we might have broken it. Eventually, because we insisted on knowing what rule and how broken the Audit Commission got round it by saying “there might have been a problem but the cost of investigating it wouldn’t make it worthwhile”. Now, having seen about their days at the races, etc you can see that they didn’t have time to deal with us because they had so much socialising to do and they didn’t want to cut into their funds by actually having to do the work!

  78. 301
    Hold Tight... says:

    Sorry, totally O/T but read the PDF….

    Tea all over the keyboard – Hunts the lot of ‘em

    • 317
      Indigo says:

      Eeek. Like a manual for starting a new religion.

    • 318
      concrete pump says:

      “David Miliband in his campaign for Labour leadership has launched the Movement for
      Change. This is an exciting initiative to rebuild the Labour Party from the grassroots and
      go back to the Labour traditions of organising within the local community.”


    • 351
      Sounded Like it says:

      we can all try each others undies on.oops thought I was on the undie party site

    • 378
      South of the M4 says:

      Typical of most of the output of the last government this last 5 years – and certainly in my experience of the Health & Safety Executive and Environment Agency. A micro-managing wish list drawn up at a desk by an 18 year old who thinks he or she is being very clever. Pathetic, childish and laughable. And someone got paid to put that crap together. Sad.

  79. 302
    Football Result says:

    Barcelona: 2, Surreal Madrid: Fish

  80. 303
    Agent says:

    Gordon Brown is offering to give lectures on how he saved the world. The cost is £60,000 per lecture. Any takers?

  81. 305
    Ellie Gellard says:

    Just wonderful ,Guido.

    “Remember the insidious pressures in society that would blunt your critical faculties to all that is happening around you, that would caution silence in the face of injustice lest you jeopardise your chances of self promotion and self advancement. This is how it starts, and before you know where you are, you’re a fully paid up member of the rat pack…We are not rats, we are human beings.”

    • 358
      What is human? says:

      What you’ve said links to what I thought reading a ‘does Blair feel remorse’ debate. How can someone who’s technically human kill many thousands and
      not feel any regret or accept the evidence that there was no justification for it? I’d prefer to be likened to a rat than a conscienceless Himmler or Eichmann.

  82. 306
    David Cameron says:

    Today i can anouce that every person in this country ( England) will have the right to hang any labour supporter they find *.

    *Extra tax breaks if they are Scottish

  83. 310
    Gordon Brown says:

    Its great to be first !

  84. 316
    Drunk lawyer says:

    Characterising all ‘communications staff’ as spin doctors is a bit misleading. I’m sure at least 2 of them have real jobs.

  85. 319
    Qui custodiet ipsos custodes says:

    The failure is not because there was an Audit Commission but because whoever should have been controlling the Audit Commission didn’t do so (adequately); just another lapse on the part of Government/Parliament. Who is going to be given the power to ask the replacement auditors (im)pertinent questions?

    • 339
      albacore says:

      Well, there’s always the Local Government Ombudsman.
      Tee hee!
      HAR! HAAAAR!
      Sorry, I needed a larf and that works every time.

  86. 320
    Pete says:

    Who audits the Audit Commission?

    • 346
      the audit audit audit commission says:

      the Audit audit commission who are audited by us.

      • 371
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        And, to prevent an infinite regress from setting in, you are in turn audited by the Audit Commission. Works very well, really. Rather like banking supervision has for the last 13 years.

  87. 324
    Chapter 1 of McDoom's book says:

    Heeeublaaurgh! Splosh.

  88. 327
    Burka Boom says:

    1,650,057 potential bombers here.look at how many in the rest of the world.

  89. 328
  90. 329
    The Duke of Hazzard says:

    Can’t we have a whip round of £60K to hire Gordon Brown for the evening to give us a lecture

  91. 330
    Ed Balls says:

    George Osborne is nothing if not persistent. First his much-derided Spending Challenge website was taken down after being swamped with racist and other offensive statements. Then his Spending Challenge Facebook page – announced via a much-trailed web conference between David Cameron and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg – was deleted after it was beaten by a goat. And, finally, Robin Hood Tax launched their own, much more sensible, alternative.

    But Spending Challenge is back for more.

    Yesterday the Treasury unveiled a sanitised version of the website – with all visitor comments deleted – and asked the public to rate more than 44,000 suggestions received. The deadline is 31 August, which, as Chaminda Jayanetti points out, gives us a little over two minutes 20 seconds to consider each idea, assuming we don’t stop to sleep.

    Fortunately, most of the suggestions can be dealt with in rather less than two minutes. Despite the Great Cull, a disturbing number are still of the “I’m not racist but…” variety, while others are mind-numbingly repetitive, such as the hundreds calling for the High Speed 2 rail link to be scrapped. (An organised lobby? Surely not.)

    But some of our favourite proposals have made it through, even though we did lose the popular “Beef and vegetable casserole” recipe and a “windfall tax on Tim Worstall”. So there’s still time to tell government to “wait until at least three fires have broken out in the same area before sending firemen out”, “divert all welfare funding to nuclear weapons” (would that induce a Lib Dem veto?), and “FORCE MAN U ‘FANS’ TO LIVE IN MANCHESTER”.

    • 367
      Sir William Waad says:

      This ‘democracy’ stuff is weird, isn’t it?

      Then there’s this strange business of letting folk make all sorts of suggestions, most of which will be daft or impractical, but expecting a few good ideas to come out of the process. It’s so different from authoritarian epistemology:

      We are right. We think X. Therefore X is right. Thereofre we are right.

  92. 332
    Down with Brown! says:

    Smug fatty Iain Dale wants you to be his special assistants:

    Duties will include compiling endless lists, fetching Mars Bars and pandering to Mr Dale’s very large ego.

  93. 348
    Pete says:

    Seeing as how all of these waste of Oxygen have degrees can’t we export them to New Zealand or the land of the Shackledraggers?

  94. 356
    Deficit Deniers (UK Chapter) says:

    David Cameron is such a liar.

    If you don’t believe just watch the lying hoon in action

    . The hypocrisy is quite unbelievable

  95. 363
    Erics Stupid army says:

    So armchair,unpaid and without power auditors hows it going?

  96. 370
    Absolute and total facts. says:

    In the English parliament you are not allowed to tell the truth.

    • 389
      Cameron is a liar,Clegg is a liar says:

      True.If you have evidence one MP is a liar and call him it you will be made to leave.

  97. 372
    • 376
      been there,been done there. says:

      How did she get away without insurance before the tug?,Bolton is a hotbed of ANPR cameras,just about every cop car has one on it.

      • 390
        Mrs Dale's ex diary secretary says:

        Who would a none practising barrister (as per AlJaBeeb NW) come into contact with when she was working as a barrister,now I would guess the same people who would know her car and think screw that,major problems if I come into contact with her.

    • 394
      South of the M4 says:

      “… will be inconvenienced having to visit her constituents by public transport…”
      Then she would be the first MP to actually visit people rather than summon them to see her. Another plonker with a well developed sense of entitlement and superiority.

  98. 379
    Martin Day BBC political correspondent says:

    Hat-Tip Tom Scholes -Fogg

    Lord Brittan has been appointed by the Prime Minister David Cameron to become a trade adviser to the Coalition Government. Brittan had served under former Tory Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher as Home Secretary, Chief Secretary to the Treasury and Trade and Industry Secretary. He also served as European Commissioner. Lord Brittan will advise the Prime Minister for six months and earn £500 a day. Is this the start of the return of the old guard I wonder?

    In a statement Downing Street confirmed the appointment by saying “Lord Brittan has been appointed as a trade adviser to the Prime Minister helping to lead a cross-Government effort to develop and drive forward an ambitious trade agenda. He will work closely with Ministers across the Government to define an overarching trade and investment strategy, and his work will help shape and inform a forthcoming White Paper on trade to be launched by Business Secretary Vince Cable.”

    • 435
      Seek and Ye shall Find says:

      A certain prisoner was released from Wakefield prison in 1983 as he had the contents of a safe showing Brittan in a compromising situation.

  99. 384
    Taxi Payer says:

    This pointless bitch had better pay her own taxi fares. Why doesn’t she use the bus if she wants to save money?

  100. 396
    Rev Moneywad says:

    Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join…oops thought this was my immigration website

  101. 397
    little Known Facts says:

    Did you know David Cameron worked with Dr Kelly in 1990?

  102. 400
    Guido Fawkes Press officer says:

    Guido Fawkes will resign with no pay off . This is down to him being fat and useless.

  103. 402
    Gordon Brown says:

    Kiss my booty.

    • 437
      My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

      I would sooner lick every paving slab on sauciehall street ya mingin mong

  104. 404
    proverbial says:

    “Audit Commission Full of Spin”

    MPs Full of Shit

  105. 408
    Hollywood hot gossip says:

    In his next blockbuster, Mickey Mouse will wear a David Cameron wristwatch.

  106. 415
    Ed Milibands Press Officer says:

    Ed Miliband (Prime Minister Elect) stating the obvious for the benefit of George Osborne

    “Unless you see sustainable job creation, consumption will be below expectations and market participants will focus on economic growth. What’s more, there’s greater probability of a double-dip recession.”

  107. 420
    Gordon Brown says:

    Where’s that hilarious BrokeBack fellow? His posts always make me laugh so hard at his incredible wit and insight. I can tell he really loves me and hates those evil Tories who’ve wrecked the golden economic legacy I left them.

  108. 426
    Ed Milliband MP says:

    Look i’m a joo so i think i should run the gaffe and the rest of you are stupid

  109. 432
    Where's Mentalist McDoom? says:

    Don’t watch this if you’ve just eaten or are about to eat.

  110. 433
    kellys Heros says:

  111. 436
    concrete pump says:

    The French ain’t fucking about.

  112. 438
    Michael Gove says:

    Amazed to see David Rowland announce he is too busy to be Tory treasurer – and on A-levels day too

  113. 441
    Ed Milibands Press Officer says:

    Nick Clegg says he’s quietly getting on with the job on green policy. Here’s what that means from the Coalition

  114. 445
    Rev. Nick Clegg says:

    But then I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago. Psalm 77:11

  115. 454
    David tatter Rowland says:

    Wahhhhhhhh 738,000 quid down the swanny. I better get a fucking peerage .

  116. 455
    new crap auditors limited says:

    got a dodgy council ?
    like to make the nasty smell go away ?
    then send for us and we’ll audit you dirt cheap and send round old blind bob to look over your books double quick
    he couldn’t find his arse with a flashlight but he will make your accounts and rampant corruption smell sweet

  117. 463
    Public sector reality bites says:

    The Guardian and Polly pro public service! dont make me laugh… more like pro public service cash for themselves. Just think how baby p’s could have been saved if ‘communication’ salaries had been used instead to fill the 1 in 5 Job vacancies in social work departments…. Polly et al make me sick.

Seen Elsewhere

Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
Dave Stung by Jellyfish | Sun
City Minister’s Inheritance Tax Dodging Trusts | Indy
What I Would Have Done if I was Sarah Wollaston | Iain Dale
Boris is an Epic Europhile | Louise Mensch
Warsi Got PM to Confront “Secular Fundamentalism” | Fraser Nelson
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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