August 19th, 2010

Audit Commission Full of Spin


  1. 1
    Shire Tory says:

    Gis a job, I can do that!

  2. 2
    kipper says:

    i counted all my beans am i qualified or do i need a stificate

  3. 3
    GrimeLord says:

    FFS, any one in the civil service or a quango with the word “communications” should be axed immediately

  4. 4
    herewegoagain says:

    What will replace it? If there is no oversight we’ll just see more rotten boroughs..

  5. 5
    too much information says:

    chinese burn the fuckers

  6. 6
    NBeale says:

    The Audit Commission used to do really useful work, under outstanding leadership. But sadly it got infected by the NuLabour virus. Just look at the Board! And they have a “Managing Director Communications and Public Reporting” – formerly a Guardian hack.

  7. 7
    Farrer & Sons says:

    The Audit Commission did not hire a PR firm to ‘lobby’ against shadow ministers:
    The Audit Commission did not pay a public affairs company to lobby shadow ministers. In January 2009, it asked Connect Public Affairs to undertake a specific piece of work called a Perceptions Audit and Influence Map, to help staff better understand the expectations of the forthcoming Comprehensive Area Assessment. This report cost £9,000 and was an assessment of views among opinion leaders across the political spectrum. It was used by communications staff and not seen by senior managers or members of the Commission Board. Neither Connect, nor any other business, has ever been asked by the Commission to ‘lobby’ anyone on its behalf.

  8. 8
    concrete pump says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place”?

    To try and convince the public that they’re not full of shit.

  9. 9
    smc says:

    mine’s made of Blackpool Rock

  10. 10
    herewegoagain says:

    Sorry, I believe Eric Pickles wants to dismantle the Audit Commission, a lack of oversight is a worry. It will reduce any detailed examination and mean less pressure to improve efficiency. People won’t behave rationally, look at the last few years when we’ve seen more bureaucracy, inflated executive salaries and not much else.

  11. 11
    chirles says:

    when are people going to start moaning about the cuts? i’ve hardly heard a peep from anywhere.

  12. 12

    If that’s all they’ve ever lobbied for, then why have they got an army of 48 spin merchants?

  13. 13
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Slash and burn em

  14. 14
    ICM show Labour and Tories neck and neck says:

    The ICM poll probably isn’t what David Cameron hoped for on his 100th day in power. Topline voting intention figures are CON 37%(-1), LAB 37%(+3), LDEM 18%(-1). This is the first time an ICM poll has shown Labour catching the Conservatives since October 2007 and the election that never was.

  15. 15
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    You could properly cut 30% of the public sector and no-one would notice !

  16. 16
    the Communicator says:

    It is with regret that I have to inform you that your services are no longer required.

  17. 17
    John Redwood says:

    Surely you mean the slowing down of year on year spending increases dear boy!

  18. 18
    Spin your way out of this Fatboy says:

  19. 19
    Taxfodder says:

    48 only 48!

    Holy Mary surely there will be more than that for the chop?

    As there are bound to be more chiefs than indians best to start at the top and work down for best effect!

  20. 20
    silence from pickles says:

    how much will the new private contracts cost ?

    it’s PFI all over again

  21. 21
    chirles says:

    i thought we were cutting by 25% across the board? where did i get that from? is that in real terms or something?

  22. 22
    Cynic says:

    Yes – but please give the punters credit.

    Can anyone spot any difference between the Torys and Lying LieBore?

  23. 23
    Hazel Blears says:

    I’d like to talk about unpleasant femanine itching.

  24. 24
    chirles says:

    i work in the public sector. you could sack at least 80% of the lazy fuckers (i include myself in that).

  25. 25
    GrimeLord says:

    I’ll get me coat

  26. 26
    you WON'T fucking believe this says:

    Pickles is going to let the 11,000 Councils, yes the Labour and Lib Dem ones too, and public bodies choose and pay their OWN auditors.

    It’s a corruption charter.

    He really is a clueless fat porker who will own every council scandal from here on in.

  27. 27
    Scrap QUANGOs, EUSSR Law, AlJaBeeba, - and 13 years of Noo_Lie_Bore waste, bullshit & PC Bollocks says:

    FFS just do it!

  28. 28
    Drama Queen says:

    Off with its head!

  29. 29
    thick as thieves says:

    Bold Slasher, here be I.

    Slash ‘em off, I say. Slash ‘em off, so they ‘aint got ‘em no more, can’t look you in the face manly like.

    Slash ‘em off, boy, slash ‘em off …

  30. 30
    Squirrel Flea says:

    Go on then – talk.

  31. 31
    Yawn says:

    He did 16 month ago, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  32. 32
    John Redwood says:

    After Osbornes budget, it was calculated that each year from 2010 to 2015, this government would spend more than the previous year culminating in the nationl debt increasing at the end of it.

    If that’s cuts then I’m a fucking Chinaman matey!

  33. 33
    quango delenda est says:

    Burn it, salt the ground.

  34. 34
    Shylocks 5 : taxpayers 0 says:

    So auditing, privatised, will now be done by the dirty hook-nosed Nazis, and Britain will see corruption in local government and the public sector, increase to the same levels as the filthy 3rd world shit-hole, the USA.

    By the time this creepy little bastard, Cameron, is finished, everything in Britain will be privatised, and the kleptocracy will be charging us £10 for a lungful of air.

  35. 35
    Charles Clarke says:

    I’m all ears

  36. 36
    Are you a mong ? says:

    Are you a mong?
    Do you believe political party’s are different ?
    Did you vote for the same MP you had last time?
    When confronted by privacy issues do you say I have nothing to hide so I don’t mind surveillance ?
    Do you watch Jeremy Kyle ?
    Do you think the media tell the truth ?
    Do you pay 300 pounds for trainers ?
    Do you watch Big brother ?
    Do you think drug companies have cures ?
    Do you believe in global warming ?

    If you answared yes to any of these questions you are a mong.

  37. 37
    The Mad Axeman Cometh says:

    Lazy bastard

  38. 38
    MI5 says:

    The Audit Commission should not have ONE spin doctor

    FFS – They are meant to give us the facts not spin…

  39. 39
    Martin Day BBC Political Correspondent says:

    Have you paid your cap gain tax on your house flipping yet you thieving bitch?

  40. 40
    Heir to Blair says:

    I’m the Blair who has a liberal lover.

  41. 41
    Albert Pierrepoint says:

    Fucking hang ‘em all!

  42. 42
    Groucho says:

    Thats the same NuLabour virus that led to the BusinessLink website costing £35 million to develop.

    Thats right. £35 million. For a web site.

  43. 43
    Jack says:

    OK fook

    We now have to look at the Grinning Ape instead of Mandelscum

    Are Amazon luvvies as well ?

  44. 44
    A po-faced, crop-haired, hand wringing, ShamPain SoSherLyst NHS Apparatchik (either fat or scraggy) says:

    Us at the top of the NHS ShitHeap work very hard at our pointless jobs.

    I’ve already been to three pointless meetings this morning. And there’s five more to do today.

    Really, one never stops!

    And I need MORE staff in my Department!

  45. 45
    chirles says:

    so where does the 25% come from?

  46. 46
    Porky Pickles and his Bumbling Buffoonery says:

    and he’s still as fat and dishonest an expenses Piggy now

    no, strike that

    he’s actually gotten FATTER!

  47. 47
    Grrrrrrrrrr says:

    CORRECT! Axed both metaphorically and physically. Equate public service communications to theft and dish out some Sharia justice. What did 48 communications staff do FFS?

  48. 48
    Martin Day BBC Political Correspondent says:

    Who cares. No really, who fcking cares about polls. Theext election isn’t until 2015 FFS.

  49. 49
    Bob says:

    The Sun on SamCam

    “She fell pregnant…”

    Do you fall pregnant, or rise pregnant lie pregnant or just become pregnant ?

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Bit of a New Labour phenomenon in the fact everyone was spinning so the truth never got out

  51. 51
    The only Mong test that counts says:

    Are you thick as thieves ?

  52. 52
  53. 53
    The entire Labour Movement says:

    Oh bugger!

  54. 54
    Phantom says:

    Just a portent of more to come. 48 spin doctors for a bunch of accountants? What is so contentious about being an accountant that you need 48 of the angriest people in the world to spin all their worth for you.

    Are their actually 48 Jocasta’s and Jemina’s in the entire sodding UK?

    When October’s review is completed, I hope that they name a date called F-Day. Freedom Day (or f*ck off day). Say the 2nd of November when they are giving 90 days notice that the government can no longer afford to pay these blood sucking leeches. No more discussion, one big fat layoff of the useless.

    Let’s see how long the BBC can keep that in the news for.

    One big slashing hard cut. End of story.

    In the words of one ex-Labour minister they can stack supermarket shelves.

  55. 55
    never listen to a vulcan says:

    the treasury are asking for 25-40% cuts in all departments except the NHS and I.A.

  56. 56
    concrete pump says:

    Tell that to a tory, no one here cares.

  57. 57
    right and wrong way to do things. says:

    Why do the depressed take it out on themselves and their families for government incompetence?
    They should go hunting for their local member of parliament.

  58. 58
    Auditor says:


    How many spin doctors, spin spivs, “public relations” companies and other similar no gooders are employed by the public sector (Government, quangos, local authorities etc) ?

    There must be a bloody army of them, thousands of them ?

    I suppose they are all luvvies as well, with gold plated pensions and all the crap…

  59. 59
    A Mong among us says:

    Yes, I’m the witless fucker (yawn) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Must stay awake though – I get paid to do this – out of YOUR money!!

  60. 60
    double dip says:

    onwards and upwards

  61. 61
    An open letter from; The 5 Labour leadership candidates says:

    Oi, you pillock, you’ve just given away our first manifesto promises!

  62. 62
    Jack says:

    Freedom Day should include plans to slash the BBC budget and then break it up and flog it off…

  63. 63
    Sam Cam says:

    Don’t know – I wasn’t there when it happened.

  64. 64
    Hack Saw says:

    Thats code for its someone elses.

  65. 65
    concrete pump as thieves says:

    luckily no-one gives a fuck what tattyboy thinks

  66. 66
    Sir William Waad says:

    ‘Communications staff’ – wouldn’t that be the post boy?

  67. 67
    Poisoned Dwarf says:

    I want my job back!

  68. 68
    Ellie Gellard says:

    You’re a diamond,Guido

    “Before the election we were told that cuts could be achieved through efficiency savings, that the most vulnerable would be protected and front-line services preserved. These pledges have not lasted 100 days,” said Guido Fawkes

    “There is an alternative with policies designed to promote growth and to close the deficit with taxes that target those who did so well out of the boom years and have already escaped the recession.”

  69. 69
    Above it all says:

    The Eurocrats (32,140) are to have salary increases of 5.35% over two years part backdated to 1 July 2009.

    They expect to win a European court judgement (against a block imposed by EU Governments) in the next few months.

    The judges are paid under the same formulae and conditions.

    The minimum pay of of a juniorEU official would (inc allowances) be €4125 per month ( 40,000 Pounds per annum)

    Not for them the belt-tightening and austerity the citizens of Europe are confronted with.

    Bild Zeitung (Germany)

  70. 70
    An Insider says:

    You tell me, they’ve been told to go and prepare for cuts between 25% and 40% – Yet public spending will increase year on year according to the red book until our national debt in 2015 is significantly higher than it is now.

  71. 71
    Sir William Waad says:

    ‘Fell pregnant’ implies that she did not want to become pregnant. If the Sun wants a short, direct word they could say ‘got pregnant’.

  72. 72
    Enron school of economics says:

    So Vulcan head, the government will spend “more” each year. Yet local authorities and most government departments will receive LESS money than the previous year.

    So where is the “extra” money going???

  73. 73
    concrete pump says:

    Lol, you’ve changed your name so many times and posted so much crap at the wrong posters, that your currently whizzing around in a maelstrom of your own bullshit.

  74. 74
    LieFinder General says:

    There is job to be done.

  75. 75
    Engineer says:

    “Asking for proposals” and “implementing” are not quite the same thing. Suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.

  76. 76
    Wheatchief says:


  77. 77
    Wheatchief says:

    That needs an audit.

  78. 78
    sir ian botham says:

    I’ve lobbed a few balls in my time

  79. 79
    Anonymous says:

    There’s a lot of intrest on all that debt we owe!

  80. 80
    110% pass rate says:

    Those with A* ‘A’ level are all winners:

  81. 81
    great granddad says:

    I’ve felt a slowing down of the economy – it’s in me water you know yes, it’s much slower than it used to be

  82. 82
    concrete pump as thieves says:

    don’t cry and run away from the site vowing never to return again tattyboy

  83. 83
    Tony says:

    There’s a lot of intrest on all that debt we owe!

  84. 84
    twat says:


    you fall in love
    then you fall pregnant

    it’s government sex education innit?

  85. 85
    Same Old Shit says:

    Looks like a Labour leadership race to me.

  86. 86
    titfer tatifilarious says:

    He who runs away is a coward. He who vows never to return but sneaks back in with another ID is a liar. That’s our Tat.

  87. 87
    double dip says:

    onwards and downwards

  88. 88
    proverbial says:

    Does anybody really know what use an MP is?

    Mine answers questions I’ve not asked and doesn’t answer questions I have asked. It makes no difference whatsoever anyway. The want us to engage in the political debate but they and there cabal of little helpers conspire to make the world a miserable place to live in at my fucking expense!!! get rid of them

  89. 89
    Gordon Brown says:

    Hey, I put a stop to all that!

  90. 90
    proverbial says:

    and Ellie, you’re 172% fucking crap

  91. 91
    Mandy says:

    Someone mention boys?

  92. 92
    titfer tatifilarious says:

    And all Nu Labour voters with the aim of self-preservation.

  93. 93
    Steve Expat says:

    ID cards, stop and search, ContactPoint database of children, Free schools, useless fucking quangos like the Audit Commission and their 48 lobbyists PR staff.

    Yeah, I can tell the difference.

  94. 94
    proverbial says:

    and hang them, hang Mark Thompson, hang Des Lynham, hang Gabby Logan ….hang them all

  95. 95
    Fiddler-Diddler says:

    Just burn ‘em – the thieving, lying and deceitful toads!

    If you want to torture them Chinese-style first then fine do that as well.

  96. 96
    Steve Expat says:

    …and anyone with the words “Equality” or “Diversity” in their job titles – all equally unproductive jobsworth box-tickers, all better off being on the dole then inflicting their Harmanesque bollocks on the rest of us!

  97. 97
    Dave Ward says:

    as any fool knows, communications covers a multitude of things.

    Did you stop to think they might be writing, proofing and putting together the huge number of audit reports the commission produced?

  98. 98
    Fiddler-Diddler says:

    I have audited it just now and it should be closed down!

  99. 99
    johnny says says:

    With improved transparency, voters will be better equipeed to decide what is and isn’t a good performing council.

  100. 100
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Breaking news

    Tory bear gets a girlfriend !

  101. 101
    concrete pump says:

    Chugged a few biftas too, eh Beefy?

  102. 102
    Yeah But . . . says:

    Apart from ID cards, stop and search, ContactPoint database of children, Free schools, useless fucking quangos like the Audit Commission and their 48 lobbyists PR staff . . what else have the Torys (?Tories) done?

  103. 103
    Engineer says:

    There are many grades of communication staff.

    1) Pigeon keeper.
    2) Scroll Scribe.
    3) Tapestry embroiderer.
    4) Clay tablet impressor.
    5) Stone tablet lettercutter.
    6) Semaphore signaller.
    7) Smoke signal firelighter.
    8) Distress flare firer.
    9) Telegraph wire stringer.
    10)Telephone switchboard operator.
    12)Website builders.
    13)E-mail machine oilers.
    14)Speaking tube rodders-out.
    15)Hand-held device fiddlers.

    Regrettably, however, none of the above are authorised to tell people what they want to know.

  104. 104
    Steve Expat says:

    Departmental spending is going to get seriously cut becuase the debt interest payments are rising so much.

    It is true that neither this government nor any of Thatcher’s governments actually managed to reduce total government spending in money terms year on year.

  105. 105
    Fiddler-Diddler says:

    Honest lazy bastard though!

  106. 106
    Steve Expat says:

    This Telegraph article suggests it could be only 30% that need to be kept on…

  107. 107
    Government Sex EdyerKayta says:

    No! No! No!

    We teeech them to give and take up the chuff.

    No one mentions ‘love’ . . woz it meen anyway?

  108. 108
    Engineer says:

    Did she “fall pregnant” because it was her turn to leap from the top of the wardrobe?

  109. 109
    agm5 says:

    “The Commission, which employs 2,000, is responsible for auditing the spending of all local authorities and 11,000 public bodies covering health, housing and fire and rescue services. In future, audit work will be contracted out to the private sector”

    Next time just put “Pickles” and “Audit” in Google Wheatchief.
    None of that information is a secret and was widely reported at the time.

  110. 110
    Fiddler-Diddler says:

    Everyone says hang ‘em but what about the good ol’ hanging, drawing and quartering … that would work better just in case they tried to come back from death like Mandelson always seems to be able to do?

  111. 111
    None Jobs says:

    And give ‘em all a fucking dead leg from me!

  112. 112
    Pot Kettle Interface says:

    A bit rich coming from someone who can’t punctuate or spell.

  113. 113
    Social Origins of Dictatorship says:

    Why not just tell every single comms function in whitehall, westminster and quangoland, plus local government, that they have to halve the spend on comms – marketing, PR, everything – doesn’t matter how they do it, they just have to halve it.

    it’s not frontline, so they shouldn’t be spending loads on doing it.

    ask matt tee to do it, before he sacks himself – why do we need a separate perm sec for communications?

  114. 114
    The Mad Axeman Cometh says:

    I’ll give him that.

  115. 115
    BusinessLink says:

    We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

    Guess what ?

    He thinks we are doing a great job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles.

  116. 116
    Hank says:

    It already is you dickhead, that’s why the NHS is a registered business, just like your county council.

  117. 117
    Linda Lee says:

    Ha! It’s ironic that many of you bemoan the use of ‘spin’, then instantly lap up any old guff you’re fed in a blog, if it suits you.

    I know parts of the Audit Commission. Most of their ‘communications’ people are website teccies; people sorting out training events for external clients; or those publishing hard-copy reports. And all on the lower rungs of the salary ladder.

    Not much spinning there. But, of course, that doesn’t make for much of a story.

  118. 118
    Mr Plum says:

    Must have blinked and missed the boom years or do you mean the years of unsustainable cheap credit that was all wasted

  119. 119
    Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent says:

    I don’t have a local MP. Not a real one just one who pretends he is my MP.

    Any ideas where I might get one of those local MPs that will actually do a days work or at least pretend to do a days work?

  120. 120
    The Mad Axeman Cometh says:

    More brains in a bag’o’mongies.

  121. 121
  122. 122
    lolol says:

    Hooray!! they’re giving away Free schools!

    I’ll have 6

  123. 123
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    We’re the only friends TaT has got – terrifying, isn’t it?

  124. 124
    TiT says:

    Stop spinning and pack you bags, Linda .

  125. 125
    Lord Michael Caine says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?”
    So that Ministers have ready made lies to tell the public.

  126. 126
    Spinning top says:

    Many Labour party members come from industries such as meeja and PR. Hence the amount if tax-funded wanky jobs that 13 years of Liebour government produced. It’s cronyism chaps.

  127. 127
    Engineer says:

    Hmmm. Not by any chance spinning a little, are we Ms Lee?

  128. 128
    Brokeback Bride says:

    Bride Breaks Back In Honeymoon Balcony Fall

    Fishy story. It sounds to me like they were doing LibDem type bumming on the balcony, and she got bummed over the railing. She was a public sector worker (primary school secretary – overpaid moron who works 10 minutes a week) so she deserves no sympathy.

  129. 129
    Cripes! says:

    She fell on Boris’s cock

  130. 130
  131. 131
    Alf Garnett says:

    Not much of a contribution to “hang an MP week” in my view. He should have been dangling from a lamp-post in Parliament Square, although it’s possible it wouldn’t bear his weight.

  132. 132
    Dodgy Labour Council says:

    We have chose and paid our auditor handsomely and he says we are doing a splendid job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles!!!

  133. 133
    Will post link to audits audit,ie accounts next. says:

    one of the audit commissions chaps.

  134. 134
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    ‘Do you think drug companies have cures ?’

    Yes, I do, mongchops. Antibiotics saved my life last year. Shame drugs can’t cure your annoying paranoid schizophrenia, but they can alleviate some of the more florid symptoms. You should take them.

  135. 135
  136. 136
    Alf Garnett says:

    You must be seriously nuts if you think there will be “greater transparency”. The good old excuses like “commercial confidentiality” will be aired even more than they are now.

    Nothing like a return to the days of Poulson and T Dan Smith, is there?

    I’m off to polish up my Freemason’s kit and practice my funny handshake.

  137. 137
    drphilyerboots says:

    Interest payments this year 35 Billion, 75 billion in 2015. That’s where the missing money is. Simples.

  138. 138
    accounts says:

    too many cooks.

  139. 139
    Cooper says:

    I bet your mum is very proud of you.

  140. 140
    Jake Manlove and the Fabulous Fennel Racket says:

    Sack the lot of them. Useless, expensive Hunts.

  141. 141
    Alf Garnett says:

    Are these media trainers, public speaking trainers, personal trainers, racehorse trainers or indeed some other kind of trainer? They seem a bargain at 300 pounds (I presume £). Is that an hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, annual or one-off rate?

  142. 142
    Wheatchief says:

    If you freeze dry them you can feed your dogs for a month.well the fat ones.

  143. 143
    proverbial says:

    if you fall pregnant does that make the landing easier?

  144. 144
    The Magi says:

    You’re all wrong. It means that it’s going to be a virgin birth.

  145. 145
    serious Question. says:

    Can DNA be found in pigshit?

  146. 146
    The Delusion continues says:

    Apparently its another record breaking year for A grade results.
    The Delusion continues apace

  147. 147
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    First they came for the spinners …………………

  148. 148
    Albert Pierrepoint says:

    I’m here to serve.

    New ropes all round.

  149. 149
    50 Calibre says:


    Snottie McTwat has broken cover and is gracing Jimmy Reid’s funeral in Glasgow…

  150. 150
    me 2 me says:

    The dried ones burn well on cold winter nights.

  151. 151
    Phil says:

    “This report cost £9,000 and was an assessment of views among opinion leaders across the political spectrum. It was used by communications staff and not seen by senior managers or members of the Commission”

    Any chance of putting that into plain english and by the way if no senior managers or members of the commission authorised this why the fxxx are your underlings spending OUR MONEY like water?

  152. 152
    50 Calibre says:

    Not from Jimmy Reid’s funeral service in Glasgow, you didn’t…

    Congratulations for appearing in the daylight!

  153. 153
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    There all fuckin doomed now !

  154. 154
    John Peel says:

    Mine’s laid so many false trails that the hounds can’t find her.

  155. 155
    MAÎTRE D says:

    And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

  156. 156
    Audit - Kerching - Thank You says:

    …People won’t behave rationally, look at the last few years when we’ve seen more bureaucracy, inflated executive salaries and not much else….

    whilst being safe in the knowledge that the Audit Commission has being doing what it should.

    Let them hang.

  157. 157
    Groucho says:

    Decommissioning will cost £10m.

  158. 158
    any more says:

    well thats 6 mongs so far.

  159. 159
    I can do this all day says:

    you are tat,and jgm2,and fuck off mongtat

  160. 160
    chirles says:

    i’ll go back to work when the cricket is over. you’ll get something out of me for your taxes. just unlikely to be very much

  161. 161
    Susie says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?”

    My theory is because they have zero expertise in anything and no practical experience of professional or business activity at all.

    The public sector is the only place which will employ them, therefore they have to buy in ‘consultants’ if anything more challenging crops up than setting up the next meeting. They’re not even in a position to judge the worth of the consultants. No wonder we’re fucked.

  162. 162
    Alf Garnett says:

    If you do, remember to provide plenty of fresh drinking water. It helps to dilute the toxins that they contain and which could turn your dog into a slavering, rabid, expensive, disloyal and useless creature.

  163. 163
    warafuckinlarf says:

    Liebor had an election pledge that we would have a referendum on Lisbon and Cameron said we could have a referendum on Lisbon and Clegg said we could have a referendum, In or Out of Europe.

    Easy innit

  164. 164
    I can do this all day says:

  165. 165
    Tony B£air says:

    No i fucking won’t be donating any money to maimed Iraqi orphans,now fuckoff.

  166. 166
    I can do this all day says:

    only another 452 to go.

  167. 167
    Musings from my desk says:

    Do you think public audit is ‘clean’.

    ‘Interestingly, one of Poulson’s biggest creditors was the Inland Revenue to which he owed around £200,000. Whilst the Revenue were pressing Poulson for payment of this amount, he was himself presiding over debt hearings in Wakefield in his role as a Commissioner of Inland Revenue.’

    T Dan Smith was a quintessential Labour man.

    I met him at Leyhill Open Prison, Gloucester in my student days . We were bussed in to hold a ‘debate’. This House believes…..

    His Labourite self-justifications and sentimentality was evident to me as a 22 year old, and it jarred then.

    He was articulate, but wrong. ‘End justifying the means’ kind of amoralism

  168. 168
    Popeye says:

    Would you believe, to make us suckers believe what is completely unbelievable.
    Getting rid of them should reduce my taxes by 0.00000000001%, if I’m lucky.

  169. 169
    Out at a meeting says:

    If it wasn’t for the meetings there wouldn’t be enough for us NHS managers to do…

  170. 170
    I can do this all day says:

  171. 171
    Euclid says:

    1) John Prescott has DNA
    2) John Prescott is as thick as pigshit


  172. 172
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Does she wear a paper bag?

  173. 173
    I can do this all day says:

    What a shame,pity they didn’t get you in Aden you old fuck

  174. 174
    Anonymous says:

    “Why did bean-counting public servants need so many spin doctors in the first place?”

    Because twats like Guido lie through their teeth about them all the time?
    Because knuckle-dragging inadequates like most of your commenters don’t understand why most organisations have internal comms staff?

  175. 175
    Do not feed the mongs says:

    still on mongs?never learn do you,keep voting.

  176. 176
    Your why the corrupt get away with it. says:

    and you are a man of principle,full of conviction,hiding in anonymity

  177. 177
    Anonymous says:

    lick my turd

  178. 178
    TiT says:

    Is he with Sarah?

  179. 179
    Heir to Blair says:

    Should I do the same Tony ? Please tell me what to think !?!?

  180. 180
    filipinomonkey says:

    The audit results are in and the conclusion is we need more audits…

  181. 181
    I am Sick says:

    Having “worked” within a leading Local Authority, I can confirm the article is accurate. I can also confirm that the rates of pay, terms and conditions and holiday and sickness provisions, were far superior to any equivalent private sector job. They really could take a twenty five to thirty percent drop in staff and nobody would notice any difference in service.

  182. 182
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Now we know they need so many comms people
    They are all engaged in sending out emails pretenting to be the widow of aNigerian banker and offering millions to any person that can help them

  183. 183
    Types without giving a shit about grammer and punctuashun says:

    and I let them and cheered them on.

  184. 184
    Mike Hunt says:

    Wasn’t Gordon Brown (who we all ask hopefully) a great C of E.

  185. 185
    Linda Lee says:

    There you go again – jumping to conclusions. I work in recruitment, not for the Audit Commission. So no need to pack my bags just yet, Tit. Mind you, the way we’re heading in this country, I won’t stray too far from my Louis Vuitton set.

  186. 186
    Peter Mandelson says:

    >a slavering, rabid, expensive, disloyal and useless creature

    You called?

  187. 187
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    …….and you bugger up the operation of a hospital by insisting that those with real jobs attend your bloody meetings. A Ward Sister can spend up to 60% of her time in shitty little meetings instead of chasing ward staff to make sure the patients get the care they need.

  188. 188
    warafuckinlarf says:

    Pickles still doesn’t get it.

    Getting up at 5.30 in the morning to travel 36 miles to arrive at 9.30 is bollocks and leaaving at 12.30pm would be unusual. What the fat fart does not get is there are thousands of people who do this and their employer does not pay for a flat.

    Pickles is a shame on the Tory party who clearly they show their contempt by giving the fat wanker a portfolio

  189. 189
    Penfold says:

    Looks as if the firebrand was tossed at the right target and scored a direct hit.

    Stuff the PR industry, bunch of parasitical scum.

    Put the lobby up against a wall and the Augean Stable begins its cleanout.

  190. 190
    Marjorie Proops says:

    No — she makes him wear one.

  191. 191
    filipinomonkey says:

    Well closer to home Sir Trev IPSA has a Communications Director on £85 000 a year.


    My guess, job creation scheme for Tony’s army of graduates in media studies who can’t get a proper job…

  192. 192
    Sir William Waad says:

    Reid was ten times the man that Brown is. Brown is not fit to undo the buckle of Reid’s sandal.

  193. 193
    Types without giving a shit about grammer and punctuashun says:

    next time i meet a Hunt like yu i will nock im owt an fink abar u.

  194. 194
    Vicky Pollard says:

    that’s . . . loik . . . immaculut conshepshun . . innit . . ?

    loik when sharon got stuffed by shane ‘n sharon said she nevva but shane said he woz tha dadda?

    leeeve orf willya !

  195. 195
    Dumb public says:

    Thats nicks job

  196. 196
    Sir William Waad says:

    Yes, and tragically Prezza has passed that DNA on.

  197. 197
    Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent says:

    Actually, I think we should all be strung up for foisting this article on the country.

    We must ‘of’ needed our heeds examined.

  198. 198
    Anonymous says:

    Yes well you do need at least 5 A grades to wrestle that supermarket checkout position off johnny foreigner.

  199. 199
    ANOTHER Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent says:

    I should make it clear that the preceeding message was from ANOTHER Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath Constituent not the previous one before the one that was before that.

    There, I think that’s in keeping with the spirit of the pronouncements from the Illustrious Member and Saviour of the World wot hails from round these parts.

  200. 200
    South of the M4 says:

    Price Waterhouse Cooper have 15 PR staff shown on their website. No doubt there are more as these were just the senior bods. The Audit Commission had lost its way and become political so right that it should be abolished. Private industry survives by using private auditors. Just don’t think the number of spinners is relevant.

  201. 201
    Steve Expat says:

    …and a few little things like the politicans talking to each other, No.10 and No.11 not briefing against each other behind their backs, not living for the news cycle every day, the PM answering the questions Wednesday lunchtimes. UK politics just seems to have grown up somewhat in the past three months, compared with the last three years.

    lolol, and 25 years ago there were Free Nelson Mandelas being given out everywhere – did you get one?

  202. 202
    Eric Pickles says:

    It has been brought to my attention that the commentators on this site are spastic benefit claimants who spend all day here.

  203. 203
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    It started in scotland !

  204. 204
    Steve Expat says:

    How many?

    Lots more now than there will be in six months’ time :-)

  205. 205
    Ummmm says:

    Anyway, what interest has ‘Up The Bum Weakly’ in the Audit Commission?

    Apart that is from all the bullshit, claptrap, hype, dissembling, mind-numbing drivel normal to all PR people.

    Or indeed, vice versa.

  206. 206
    Dare to Blair says:

    I think you should stop breathing.

  207. 207
    Phil says:

    I’d rather bury them upside down, alive, with a shovel, predicated on the fact that it would take a bloody long time to reach australia.

  208. 208
    The Magi says:

    Well done, Vicky. You have an exceptional grasp of Human Biology. Take an A* and a place at Oxford, and join the Bullingdon.

  209. 209
    ICC Spokesman says:

    We can confirm that Guido Fawkes has been nominated for cricketer of the year .

  210. 210
    filipinomonkey says:

    And the outsourcing of our manufacturing to the Chinese which kept inflation low…

  211. 211
    Jimmy Died says:

    Jockfest funeral going on BBC now

  212. 212
    Backwoodsman says:

    ..”Most organisations have internal comms staff.” True – working in a national household name service company , turnover > £150 million, there are , ….3. But hey, thats us inadequates for you.

  213. 213
    Alf Garnett says:

    Dogwhistle politics, eh!

    Back to your kennel before I send you to the vet for that essential operation.

  214. 214
    50 Calibre says:

    Blinky Bollocks is there to.

    Jimmy Reid must start revolving in his coffin very soon…

  215. 215
    Gordoom Brhoon the Hoon of London Toon says:

    Ah’m sae sad tae see ma bonny Jummy is nae more!

    Ah’ll issue ma’ statment in tha’ Hoose.

    He did mae fa’ industry than ar did!

  216. 216
    BBC/EU/Liebour Coalition Party says:

    Many hands make light work.

  217. 217
    EYPriceKPMGDeloitte says:


  218. 218
    I am Sick says:

    Yep that was them, 97 to 06, the tidal wave of debt was really building by 06, so Jonah decided to really start turning the taps on. I mean, what harm could it do?

  219. 219
    Book of the Day says:

    “Skiing for Beginners” by R Supward

  220. 220
    The Mad Axeman Cometh says:

    I reckon he’s try to get rid of some dead bodies

  221. 221
    50 Calibre says:

    No sign of her yet…

  222. 222
    CCHQ Troll Control says:

    even Guido has commented on Brokeback Dave (there are no splits or behind the scenes briefing in the Libcon lovefest) copying Brown and not answering questions at QT on Wednesdays.

    And Blair’s mini-me has been running feverishly from press cycle to press cycle throwing out blue sky Blairite policy bollocks for weeks.

    No ID cards is good but even the morons in Labour had U-turned and given up on that steaming shitpile of a policy.

    As for the Audit Commission we’ll see what the replacement is like won’t we ? because Pickles certainly doesn’t seem to have a clue how much it will cost or how accountable councils self regulating themselves will be.

  223. 223
    TiT says:

    I oppose terror bombings,but in this case……

  224. 224
    Bin Man says:

    I had to have a 2:1 to do my job

  225. 225
    Ethnographer says:

    You mean . . . like . . he ‘knew’ another . . in the biblical sense?

  226. 226
    Union Reps R Us says:

    So Reid went home on a Friday during strikes telling his wife why he had no wages.And Gordon Browns book will go to number one in the best seller list.

  227. 227
    Unsworth says:

    Money very well spent. How much more would it have cost us all if allowed to continue. The Audit Commission is not GVM. I doubt that its actions have actually provided more cash than its actual running costs – including pensions various hidden emoluments etc. At best it’s a break even. Why are we employing people in non-productive work?

  228. 228
    David Laws says:

    Nick Clegg pledged action not words on political blogging today as he highlighted a scheme to improve blogging in homes and offices.

    The Deputy Prime Minister said the logging to the site “Order Order”could save millions of households up to £550 a year by providing them with upfront political blogging

  229. 229
    White Van Man says:

    Probably still rug munching in Canterbury

  230. 230
    AAA+ credit rating says:

    far cleaner than an auditor with is being chosen and paid for by those who are supposed to be being audited will ever be

  231. 231
  232. 232
    I am Sick says:

    Everyone a winner, a future fair for all in action. ZaNu “brilliance” at it’s finest.
    I just wonder who is going to break the news to the proud recipients of these worthless bits of paper and tell them the truth that, just like a Zimbabwe billion dollar note, all those A*, are pretty much worthless. Or would that be too unfair?

  233. 233
    Tony Blair says:

    Education , Education , Education !

  234. 234
    White Van Man says:

    It doesn’t matter how much money you give away Tony, it will never wash the blood of your murdering hands.

  235. 235
    I am Sick says:

    Louis Vuitton?

    How vulgar!

  236. 236
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    No department needs spinners !

    Just be fuckin honest with us !

  237. 237
    failing ward with terrible cleanliness says:

    We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

    Guess what ?

    He thinks we are doing a great job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles.

  238. 238
    Super tat twat Liebour voting zombie Mong says:

    ewwwwwwwwlll ewwwwwwwlll shuerrrrrrrr gawwwwwww!
    Meee voteee foor daa Lieeebour parrttty, feeeed meee mooore beneeefits pleease…


  239. 239
    Corrupt Local Authority says:

    We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

    Guess what ?

    He thinks we are doing a great job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles.

  240. 240
  241. 241
  242. 242
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Cant we use the time to seperate scotland from england and sell it off ?

  243. 243
    Cassandrina says:

    They needed them to cover the arse of the boss of the Audit Commission and his wife who spent fortunes of our money on years of global junketting while the Labour robber barons we also at the trough.
    Shades of a previous speaker now Lord Robber Hypocrite.

  244. 244
    Corrupt Council says:

    We just chose our own auditor and paid him very well indeed.

    Guess what ?

    He thinks we are doing a great job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles.

  245. 245
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    Cluck, cluck, cluck, little internet chickens…

  246. 246
    ill egal immi grant says:

    Can wezz have a amnesty mon, so Izz can vote 4 de Labour and get me benefits too?

  247. 247
    Chris Huhne says:

    Just ate 10 yogurts in a row

    I’m Mullered.

  248. 248
    Have a garden centre. says:

    I hate union bastards.They fuck everything.Liverpool had a huge port,they fucked had thousands of seamen,they fucked that too.It had hundreds of dockers,they fucked them as well.Most of them are from Liverpool or Glasgow.

  249. 249
    Shit Shoveller says:

    I gained my doctorate 3 years ago and haven’t looked back since.

  250. 250
    Unsworth says:

    Utter bollocks. WTF is a “Perceptions Audit and Influence Map”? Why is it actually necessary to “help staff better understand the expectations of the forthcoming Comprehensive Area Assessment”, can line managers not do this sort of thing, and do the staff not already ‘understand’, if not why not? For that matter WTF is their definition of a “Comprehensive Area Assessment”? Then again, in the interests of a little clarity, define ‘opinion leaders’ and ‘political spectrum’.

    Of course the Commission has not ‘asked for’ lobbying. How utterly crass would that be? But there are many ways of making one’s desires known, are there not? If nothing else this missive underlines how utterly wasteful the Audit Comission has been with taxpayers’ monies.

    Farrer & Sons you really ought to be able to do better than this. No doubt this ‘response’ was put together by some junior or other. It is hardly likely that one of your well-paid Partners can have drafted this, surely? Incidentally, who is picking up your bill? Would it be the taxpayer, by any chance? So how much has this little exercise cost us, then?

  251. 251
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    He always was Rosemary’s favourite…

  252. 252
    Cassandrina says:

    Ask the bbc as they seem to have forgotten him or at least will not mention his name. Try the Toady Programme on radio 4 as they need to spice their programme up, and a missing, believed dead, mad Scottish MP could just fill the ticket.

  253. 253
    McDoom! says:

    Today I have been attending Jimmy Reid’s funeral. And writing another 79,000,000 words of my memoirs.

  254. 254
    view Count says:

    Nick the mouse is making sure he gets lots of airtime while the moggie Cameron is away

  255. 255
    I am Sick says:

    ZaNu are like the Mafia, when one pegs out, the whole “family” must show dere respect. Old commie Jimmy was one of their own, even though they publicly denounced him, he worked for the family.

  256. 256
    TiT says:

    It was a gift from Linda’s boss, to cheer her up after the abortion.She prefers Prada.

  257. 257
    I am Sick says:

    Heard she was in north London, whatever, you can be sure she will not be seen in Kirkcaldy any time soon.

  258. 258
    Accountancy College,auditing says:

    We are overwhelmed with new applicants.

  259. 259
    Gordon Brown says:

    I will not let you down .

  260. 260
    Molacachotka University says:

    We can supply diplomas in auditing for £9.99.

  261. 261
    I am Sick says:

    Hi TaT, does your mum know you are here 24 / 7 ?

  262. 262
    Scammerwatch says:

    The web techies don’t even need to be there,all their stuff can be done remote.Now there is a job execs and CEO’s should consider,employ a web and Computer adviser about who needs to be employed and who can be bought in as required.Lots of techies set it up so they have full time work were its not needed,

  263. 263
    Enron school of economics says:

    So, according to the economic school of Vulcan and Guido, if you reduce the amount of money you give to every government department (with a few exceptions but still reduce the net amount given overall) i.e. CUT the amount of money, but then use the amount CUT plus a bit more to pay interest………then there are no CUTS.

    I get how this means we are not cutting the amount of money the government spends in total, but you have to be a complete moron to suggest this means there are no actual real cuts happening to public expenditure at most departments.

    It does however show what a complete mess the country is in!!

  264. 264
    Autobin says:

    Noticed a lot lately that anything in moderation,modded,never actually gets modded and shows up.A few mods I had have never come on line,and they are not anything to get all censor about

  265. 265
    Nick Clegg says:

    I’m in power now and its started going to my head,
    By the way I’m also fucking my Spanish wife in our bed.
    Look at me now deputy PM on 8%,
    It all went wrong when David Laws went.
    But I still have my power as its like being on crack,
    And Me and Dave have always loved a bit of broke back.
    So fuck you all you’ve still got me for five more years,
    So lets cut this state down to size and have no more tears!

  266. 266
    Nick Clegg meets says:

    looking for 20 something into bummin n rimming.

  267. 267
    Nursey Nursey says:

    Look he’s talking in to the mirror again…

  268. 268
    Anonymous says:

    I was in a club once where the auditor reported via the treasurer.

    The thieving bastard treasurer stole 30k from us and we take his house and sell it to get our money back.

  269. 269
    Simon Hughes says:

    I’ve just had ten muscle marys in a row

    I’m fucked.

  270. 270
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    how many spinners at the BBC

  271. 271
    Oldie but Goodie says:

    “Falling Down” by Lucy Lastic.

  272. 272
    Ed Balls says:

    I talk to people, a fair few of whom are ex Lib-Dems and some ex Tories too.

    Not one of them is at all pleased with the work of this government.

    This spinning by Guido Fawkes for the coalition is increasingly shameless and guff like”the generally positive esteem in which the coalition is held” is just laughable.

    Let’s conduct a quick poll on this forum, who holds the coalition in ‘positive esteem’?

    I’m with the ‘No’ camp.

  273. 273
  274. 274
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Compared with the labour goverment , I reckon coalition doing ok 7/10

  275. 275
    I am Sick says:

    I think you are being unfair on fatty Pickles, dim as he is, he is not in the same league of stupidity and uselessness, as say May or Spelman.
    As for troughing, I don’t know about May, but Spelman leaves him standing.

  276. 276
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    The fact remains that the audit commission raised it’s income from local and health authorities but still managed to operate at a loss. Redundancies started in 2009 under Labour 5.3 million quid and 76 staff.Didn’t hear anyone complaining about that.

  277. 277
    albacore says:

    Did Pickles not say that nobody from the Audit Commission would end up without a job?
    (That’s a rhetorical question).
    Every egg a bird, no matter how daft a canard, eh Fawkes, eh?

  278. 278
    Ivor Novello says:

    That was shit.

  279. 279
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Ed Miliband spinning like a record….. it was NOT Labour that racked up the record breaking £4Trillion deficit, it was the rest of the world ganging up on the UK to force the UK into recession…. No, nothing to do with spending and borrowing for 13 years like money was going out of fashion (to buy Labour votes).

    Looks like Labour are STILL in denial on who created the recession the UK is in right now (once you strip out the ONS’ recently added “government spending” statistic from the GDP figures you can clearly see the UK is still in recession).

  280. 280
    Chas says:

    I’m about 9/10 in favour of the coalition, although I would have
    preferred it if the Labour gerrymandering effect hadn’t prevented
    the Tories from getting an absolute majority.

    Not too impressed by proposed increases in retirement age and delays/cancellations of winter fuel allowance (I’m 59).

    What I’d really like is a return to a sensible interest rate. A couple
    of years ago you could get a fixed-term bond that returned over 7%.
    That’s all gone down the pan now.

  281. 281
    Bill Payers says:

    the ad man cometh

  282. 282
    Ed Balls says:

    We never raised vat !

  283. 283
    Stamped In stone says:

    You will never see those times again.

  284. 284
    S&P says:

    We will decide that.

  285. 285
    Balls by name, Balls by nature says:

    Funny, I distinctly remember it going up from 15% to 17.5%. Presumably you regard this as one of Snotgourmet’s 0% rises.

  286. 286
  287. 287
    GrimeLord says:

    Work for an International company, approx 1000 in the uk, Markeing staff 7.

    So fuck off you spaz

  288. 288
    Old-timer says:

    Hah. What goes around comes around. Seen it all before. No doubt I’ll see it all again one day.

  289. 289
    Sion Simon says:

    Let’s enjoy this tumultuous Tory tango of tragic telekinesis from our box seats. Maybe we can permit ourselves a wry chuckle( silently,of course, can’t scare the sleeping children) and,yes cry,always cry. So that’s me in the no,no thank you camp.And so it goes on,wheels within crystal domes of fleshy,heart-breaking beauty.I rest my case.

  290. 290
    Gordon Brown says:

    That was Sues fault !

    Why did she put me with that woman

  291. 291
    Labour Party Activist Twat says:

    It’s so UNFAIR!

  292. 292
    Manuel says:


  293. 293
    Derek Draper says:

    Can someone lend me a fiver ?

  294. 294
    McDonalds Drive Through says:

    Hahahahahaha fook all you thick mongs I have a PhD!

  295. 295
    Ed Balls Public Relations says:

    edballs challenging Gove to game of University Challenge

  296. 296
    Groucho says:


  297. 297
    Gordon Brown says:

    I was the main guest at Jimmy Reid’s funeral. Everyone applauded me when I arrived and asked for my autograph. I’m still loved.

  298. 298
    Silent Bob says:


  299. 299
    Ed Balls says:

    We abolished boom

  300. 300
    Confused says:

    The Audit Commission was asked to investigate our town council because it “might” have broken a rule – real reason, our district council didn’t like what we wanted to do and needed to find a way of stopping us. The problem: no-one would or could tell us what the rule was and how we might have broken it. Eventually, because we insisted on knowing what rule and how broken the Audit Commission got round it by saying “there might have been a problem but the cost of investigating it wouldn’t make it worthwhile”. Now, having seen about their days at the races, etc you can see that they didn’t have time to deal with us because they had so much socialising to do and they didn’t want to cut into their funds by actually having to do the work!

  301. 301
    Hold Tight... says:

    Sorry, totally O/T but read the PDF….

    Tea all over the keyboard – Hunts the lot of ‘em

  302. 302
    Football Result says:

    Barcelona: 2, Surreal Madrid: Fish

  303. 303
    Agent says:

    Gordon Brown is offering to give lectures on how he saved the world. The cost is £60,000 per lecture. Any takers?

  304. 304
    Anonymous says:

    36 miles in four hours is quite do-able on a bike. So why is he so bloody fat?

  305. 305
    Ellie Gellard says:

    Just wonderful ,Guido.

    “Remember the insidious pressures in society that would blunt your critical faculties to all that is happening around you, that would caution silence in the face of injustice lest you jeopardise your chances of self promotion and self advancement. This is how it starts, and before you know where you are, you’re a fully paid up member of the rat pack…We are not rats, we are human beings.”

  306. 306
    David Cameron says:

    Today i can anouce that every person in this country ( England) will have the right to hang any labour supporter they find *.

    *Extra tax breaks if they are Scottish

  307. 307
    Job Centre Plus says:

    You’ll get no handouts here you sponging c’unt, get off your fat fucking lazy arse and get a job!

  308. 308
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Gordon who ?

  309. 309
    Technomist says:

    Work for myself. Totally in a spin at all times trying to earn the tax money to pay for these parasites.

  310. 310
    Gordon Brown says:

    Its great to be first !

  311. 311
    Dr Hilary Jones says:

    Poor deluded cun’t, he’s got it real bad.

  312. 312
    Tony Blair Millionaire says:

    I created a huge boom in Afganiraq, and its still booming today!

  313. 313
    inner city labour worker says:

    No need, we have postal votes to take care of that, I’ll bring a load over.

  314. 314
    Tony B£air says:

    Trimdon Labour club can fuck themselves aswell,fucking working class northern mongrels!

  315. 315
    Technomist says:

    It would take a lot more than that to make me sit through one of Gordon Brown’s lectures.

  316. 316
    Drunk lawyer says:

    Characterising all ‘communications staff’ as spin doctors is a bit misleading. I’m sure at least 2 of them have real jobs.

  317. 317
    Indigo says:

    Eeek. Like a manual for starting a new religion.

  318. 318
    concrete pump says:

    “David Miliband in his campaign for Labour leadership has launched the Movement for
    Change. This is an exciting initiative to rebuild the Labour Party from the grassroots and
    go back to the Labour traditions of organising within the local community.”


  319. 319
    Qui custodiet ipsos custodes says:

    The failure is not because there was an Audit Commission but because whoever should have been controlling the Audit Commission didn’t do so (adequately); just another lapse on the part of Government/Parliament. Who is going to be given the power to ask the replacement auditors (im)pertinent questions?

  320. 320
    Pete says:

    Who audits the Audit Commission?

  321. 321
    Jack says:

    Please dsign a uniform for Wimmin Bullingdoners

    Its equality innit…

  322. 322
    Anonymous says:

    wife & biscuits?

  323. 323
    White Van Man says:

    Obviously I prefer the right side of the LibLabCon machine but I never voted for any of them. The machine doesn’t go right enough for my liking, and no one seems to have the balls to tackle the other problems left by ZanuLiebour. Its early days though and the shit is still to hit the fan, but after 13 years of cun’ts it is a welcome relief, 6/10 so far.

    Junior partner, wishy washiness, too plasticy, fucking Turkey in the EU, what a prick!

  324. 324
    Chapter 1 of McDoom's book says:

    Heeeublaaurgh! Splosh.

  325. 325
    Anonymous says:

    I often wonder how the likes of Ed Milliturd manage to go about their daily business without being repeatedly punched in the face by normal speaking members of the general public.

  326. 326
    Rorke's Drift says:

    There’s fucking thousands of ‘em!

  327. 327
    Burka Boom says:

    1,650,057 potential bombers here.look at how many in the rest of the world.

  328. 328
  329. 329
    The Duke of Hazzard says:

    Can’t we have a whip round of £60K to hire Gordon Brown for the evening to give us a lecture

  330. 330
    Ed Balls says:

    George Osborne is nothing if not persistent. First his much-derided Spending Challenge website was taken down after being swamped with racist and other offensive statements. Then his Spending Challenge Facebook page – announced via a much-trailed web conference between David Cameron and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg – was deleted after it was beaten by a goat. And, finally, Robin Hood Tax launched their own, much more sensible, alternative.

    But Spending Challenge is back for more.

    Yesterday the Treasury unveiled a sanitised version of the website – with all visitor comments deleted – and asked the public to rate more than 44,000 suggestions received. The deadline is 31 August, which, as Chaminda Jayanetti points out, gives us a little over two minutes 20 seconds to consider each idea, assuming we don’t stop to sleep.

    Fortunately, most of the suggestions can be dealt with in rather less than two minutes. Despite the Great Cull, a disturbing number are still of the “I’m not racist but…” variety, while others are mind-numbingly repetitive, such as the hundreds calling for the High Speed 2 rail link to be scrapped. (An organised lobby? Surely not.)

    But some of our favourite proposals have made it through, even though we did lose the popular “Beef and vegetable casserole” recipe and a “windfall tax on Tim Worstall”. So there’s still time to tell government to “wait until at least three fires have broken out in the same area before sending firemen out”, “divert all welfare funding to nuclear weapons” (would that induce a Lib Dem veto?), and “FORCE MAN U ‘FANS’ TO LIVE IN MANCHESTER”.

  331. 331
    usual Thick Tory says:


  332. 332
    Down with Brown! says:

    Smug fatty Iain Dale wants you to be his special assistants:

    Duties will include compiling endless lists, fetching Mars Bars and pandering to Mr Dale’s very large ego.

  333. 333
    Nick Clegg says:

    What do we do with Vince ?

  334. 334
    SAS veteran with still good eyesight and aim says:

    Can I be a guest?

  335. 335
    Anonymous says:


  336. 336
    Sion Simon says:

    I need a job.

  337. 337
    Moaty says:

    I will be there , Hes a cooper right ?

  338. 338
    SAS veteran with still good eyesight and aim says:

    Aren’t you dead?

  339. 339
    albacore says:

    Well, there’s always the Local Government Ombudsman.
    Tee hee!
    Sorry, I needed a larf and that works every time.

  340. 340
    Moaty says:

    Thats what you all think

  341. 341
    God says:

    Sounds like he is looking for me

  342. 342
    Gazza says:

    Do you want me to bring you some chicken and beer?

  343. 343
    concrete pump says:

    Followed by bottom inspections and willy competitions.

  344. 344
    Atheist says:

    You don’t exist.

  345. 345
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    You created us but who created you?
    Does God have a God?

  346. 346
    the audit audit audit commission says:

    the Audit audit commission who are audited by us.

  347. 347
    concrete pump says:

    Stab, stab, stab, slice, fwit!

  348. 348
    Pete says:

    Seeing as how all of these waste of Oxygen have degrees can’t we export them to New Zealand or the land of the Shackledraggers?

  349. 349
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Mr Pump
    How about we leave out the homophobia?
    From now on Mrs Dale is to be known as
    “A friend of Ashcroft”
    instead of
    “A friend of Dorothy” ?

  350. 350
    Jonty Pryor says:

    Is the position active or passive?

  351. 351
    Sounded Like it says:

    we can all try each others undies on.oops thought I was on the undie party site

  352. 352
  353. 353
    Iain Dale says:

    I’m always in the “driving seat”

  354. 354
    concrete pump says:

    Put him in one of Grayson Perry’s frocks and leave him outside Kings Cross.

  355. 355
    Underlined says:

    and how much is a penny dreadful now ?eh codger

  356. 356
    Deficit Deniers (UK Chapter) says:

    David Cameron is such a liar.

    If you don’t believe just watch the lying hoon in action

    . The hypocrisy is quite unbelievable

  357. 357
    Iain Dale says:

    Just look at the jeans pocket that I let my hanky hang out of
    Im “on the right”

  358. 358
    What is human? says:

    What you’ve said links to what I thought reading a ‘does Blair feel remorse’ debate. How can someone who’s technically human kill many thousands and
    not feel any regret or accept the evidence that there was no justification for it? I’d prefer to be likened to a rat than a conscienceless Himmler or Eichmann.

  359. 359
    Jonty Pryor says:

    David Cameron is one horrible lying bastard, and I mean lying.

  360. 360
    John Redwood says:

    So am I and could do with a good blow

  361. 361
    Pickled Wizard says:

    Is ed balls actually keith chegwin in a dark, hitler wig ?

  362. 362
    Jonty Pryor says:

    I’m on the left. Radical left.

  363. 363
    Erics Stupid army says:

    So armchair,unpaid and without power auditors hows it going?

  364. 364
    Anonymous says:

    The coalition government is a welcome relief from the lying evil negligent morons that had been running the country for the last 13 years and who created £4trillion of debt, did more economic damage to the uk than 2 world wars combined, pissed all over our miltary and then smeared them when they started telling people the truth, and who significantly contributed towards the worst global recession for about 80 years by creating the most negligent kind of contagion-friendly quangos/systems you could ever invent.

    The coalition have done some things that I don’t welcome (such as giving people who can afford 30k for a brand new prius a 5k check from the tax payer), but overall they seem to be doing a good job so far.

    In particular, the new government actually speak english and answer questions, and don’t lie too much, and that’s a fantastic relief from 13 years of constant smearing, lies, spin, obfuscation, and general total denial of reality.

    I give the coalition 9/10 so far, simply because they seem to be using logic, reason, common sense, and they actually think about what they do.

    For 13 years labour had been doing things that make absolutely no logical sense because they could never admit that their whole ideology can never ever work as it just doesn’t make sense in the real world.

    Everyone I’ve spoken to says the same; labour being kicked out is like a massive weight off their shoulders, because now the people running the country are actually capable, and aren’t just university champagne socialists with no understanding whatsoever of reality and who have no common sense and who are unable to follow the most basic logical reasoning/argument or even maths for 4-years-olds.

    Labour were unbelievably stupid, negligent, and evil, and I hope they never come anywhere near power ever again.

  365. 365
    Major news.Politician lies. says:

    yes I have a letter from the labour party saying the tories would cut it and so it came to pass.

  366. 366
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    No, but he knows someone who does.

  367. 367
    Sir William Waad says:

    This ‘democracy’ stuff is weird, isn’t it?

    Then there’s this strange business of letting folk make all sorts of suggestions, most of which will be daft or impractical, but expecting a few good ideas to come out of the process. It’s so different from authoritarian epistemology:

    We are right. We think X. Therefore X is right. Thereofre we are right.

  368. 368
    Sir William Waad says:

    It’s all uphill and down dale.

  369. 369
    Rather Faluja says:

    Thinking of fucking off from this shit hole but looking at the Aus flag seems to be too much like here

  370. 370
    Absolute and total facts. says:

    In the English parliament you are not allowed to tell the truth.

  371. 371
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    And, to prevent an infinite regress from setting in, you are in turn audited by the Audit Commission. Works very well, really. Rather like banking supervision has for the last 13 years.

  372. 372
  373. 373
    theres a new word in there but as I am God it is now a word says:

    I could tell you all but then I’d have to kill you.uncreate you.

  374. 374
    Another Deficit Denier says:

    But Tories aren’t supposed to tell lies

    This video will haunt the Old Etonian twerp

  375. 375
    Die Labour DIE!!!!! says:

    I’m happy enough so far 7/10

  376. 376
    been there,been done there. says:

    How did she get away without insurance before the tug?,Bolton is a hotbed of ANPR cameras,just about every cop car has one on it.

  377. 377
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Agree. He was mistaken in his thinking and direction, as witnessed by his two main changes in political support, but he was an honest, cultured and intelligent man.

  378. 378
    South of the M4 says:

    Typical of most of the output of the last government this last 5 years – and certainly in my experience of the Health & Safety Executive and Environment Agency. A micro-managing wish list drawn up at a desk by an 18 year old who thinks he or she is being very clever. Pathetic, childish and laughable. And someone got paid to put that crap together. Sad.

  379. 379
    Martin Day BBC political correspondent says:

    Hat-Tip Tom Scholes -Fogg

    Lord Brittan has been appointed by the Prime Minister David Cameron to become a trade adviser to the Coalition Government. Brittan had served under former Tory Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher as Home Secretary, Chief Secretary to the Treasury and Trade and Industry Secretary. He also served as European Commissioner. Lord Brittan will advise the Prime Minister for six months and earn £500 a day. Is this the start of the return of the old guard I wonder?

    In a statement Downing Street confirmed the appointment by saying “Lord Brittan has been appointed as a trade adviser to the Prime Minister helping to lead a cross-Government effort to develop and drive forward an ambitious trade agenda. He will work closely with Ministers across the Government to define an overarching trade and investment strategy, and his work will help shape and inform a forthcoming White Paper on trade to be launched by Business Secretary Vince Cable.”

  380. 380
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    My computer has just hung.

  381. 381
    TaT says:

    I copied it to CD.I will be posting it often with my others.

  382. 382
    Can't remember my moniker says:


  383. 383
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    I thought they had stopped doing that in Sheffield due to Health and Safety?

  384. 384
    Taxi Payer says:

    This pointless bitch had better pay her own taxi fares. Why doesn’t she use the bus if she wants to save money?

  385. 385
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    The fact is …. there are no facts.

  386. 386
    Macavity McRuin says:

    I actually meant it when I said no more boom and bust, ‘cos I’m a fuckwit.

  387. 387
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    There was an expression that went: If you can’t do, teach. If you can’t teach, teach teachers.

    I feel sure that this could be adapted to suit this useless outfit.

  388. 388
    Anonymous says:

    Left behind more like.

  389. 389
    Cameron is a liar,Clegg is a liar says:

    True.If you have evidence one MP is a liar and call him it you will be made to leave.

  390. 390
    Mrs Dale's ex diary secretary says:

    Who would a none practising barrister (as per AlJaBeeb NW) come into contact with when she was working as a barrister,now I would guess the same people who would know her car and think screw that,major problems if I come into contact with her.

  391. 391
    more faces than town hall clock says:

    Wot, ilke this?

  392. 392
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Well it hasn’t worked under your lot, has it? Pathetic.

  393. 393
    The Kunt of Kirkcaldy says:

    You ungratefull fucks! I saved the fucking universe from finacial meltdown.

  394. 394
    South of the M4 says:

    “… will be inconvenienced having to visit her constituents by public transport…”
    Then she would be the first MP to actually visit people rather than summon them to see her. Another plonker with a well developed sense of entitlement and superiority.

  395. 395
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    I have a cat that can deal with things like that very easily.

  396. 396
    Rev Moneywad says:

    Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join…oops thought this was my immigration website

  397. 397
    little Known Facts says:

    Did you know David Cameron worked with Dr Kelly in 1990?

  398. 398
    concrete pump says:

    Why, does the steering wheel get in the way when you’re trying to suck a cock?

  399. 399
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Fuck you!!!! I don’t exist!!!!!!

  400. 400
    Guido Fawkes Press officer says:

    Guido Fawkes will resign with no pay off . This is down to him being fat and useless.

  401. 401
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Why do they want to get in when we want to get out?

  402. 402
    Gordon Brown says:

    Kiss my booty.

  403. 403
    Die Labour DIE!!!!! says:

    Lib/con 55% Lab37% =no more Liebore party

  404. 404
    proverbial says:

    “Audit Commission Full of Spin”

    MPs Full of Shit

  405. 405
    Ford says:

    get in the back pump and avoid the problem.

  406. 406
    The only inadequate here is the anon mong shitting bricks about losing his not very useful job says:

    What a fucking Hunt you are, YOU ARE A FUCKING NOBODY SON and don’t you forget it, Harder working and cheaper Indians and Chinese can replace you at the drop of a hat.

  407. 407

    Come and meet Tony Blair at Waterstones on September 8th. No, REALLY

  408. 408
    Hollywood hot gossip says:

    In his next blockbuster, Mickey Mouse will wear a David Cameron wristwatch.

  409. 409
    Die Labour DIE!!!!! says:

    No he’s actually the afterbirth left over from david.

  410. 410
    Wealthy thanks to corrupt labour says:

    I took all you mugs for a rinse years ago and have been living off the money i acquired.

  411. 411
    oink says:

    there’s nothing wrong with the spinners – i saw them in liverpool a while back

  412. 412
    Anonymous says:

    A young doctor in our hospital is off to Australia next week, fully trained by the NHS of course. Isn’t it wonderful?

  413. 413
    oink says:

    the ink is black and all is white, together the MPs are a load of shite, a loada shite….

  414. 414
    Christopher Martin Plonkins says:



  415. 415
    Ed Milibands Press Officer says:

    Ed Miliband (Prime Minister Elect) stating the obvious for the benefit of George Osborne

    “Unless you see sustainable job creation, consumption will be below expectations and market participants will focus on economic growth. What’s more, there’s greater probability of a double-dip recession.”

  416. 416
    South of the M4 says:

    Were you in the diplomatic service at on time?

  417. 417
    hubert says:

    Not quite the answer he was looking for perhaps, but interesting nonetheless.

  418. 418
    Pete says:

    I recently went on holiday to Spain and saw a sign saying “English Speaking Doctor.”I thought what a good idea, we should have them in the UK.

  419. 419
    Mark Oatibix says:


  420. 420
    Gordon Brown says:

    Where’s that hilarious BrokeBack fellow? His posts always make me laugh so hard at his incredible wit and insight. I can tell he really loves me and hates those evil Tories who’ve wrecked the golden economic legacy I left them.

  421. 421
    uncle joe, mao tse tung and pol pot says:

    “I’m on the left. Radical left.”

    Which obviously means you’re as thick as shit. Since when did anything on the radical left ever work FFS?

  422. 422
    Anonymous says:

    Guido should be congratulated for shooting down Mcpoison and reducing Draper to poncing off his wife for a living.

  423. 423
    Hindu Warrior says:

    They must be doing something right as God saved them and let the joe d a k i s drown.

  424. 424
    John Presfuck says:

    It always worked for me son.

  425. 425
    My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:


  426. 426
    Ed Milliband MP says:

    Look i’m a joo so i think i should run the gaffe and the rest of you are stupid

  427. 427
    (puffing) Am I too late? says:

    And Krusty Sqwauk Sqaurk squaek . . . actually – how do you spell squawk?

  428. 428
    Give me some money or else says:

    I’ll fuck you up bitch.

  429. 429
    Gossip says:

    Picked up a ‘port girl’, slightly older with her first born already adopted

  430. 430
    Pickled Wizard says:

    Nope – afterbirth has more relevance, doesn’t waste time on PM, and doesn’t consume my fucking licence fee.

  431. 431
    My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

    yes,but with the back of the frock tucked into the collar

  432. 432
    Where's Mentalist McDoom? says:

    Don’t watch this if you’ve just eaten or are about to eat.

  433. 433
    kellys Heros says:

  434. 434
    Jethro says:

    347 Pickled Wizard AND, as any Midwife will tell you, the afterbirth does wonders for your rose-bushes!

  435. 435
    Seek and Ye shall Find says:

    A certain prisoner was released from Wakefield prison in 1983 as he had the contents of a safe showing Brittan in a compromising situation.

  436. 436
    concrete pump says:

    The French ain’t fucking about.

  437. 437
    My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

    I would sooner lick every paving slab on sauciehall street ya mingin mong

  438. 438
    Michael Gove says:

    Amazed to see David Rowland announce he is too busy to be Tory treasurer – and on A-levels day too

  439. 439
  440. 440
    Gordon Browns Army of Cavity Wall Insulators says:

    Hey Gordon we have 20,000 A+ Grades between us. When do we star?

    But you promised : (

  441. 441
    Ed Milibands Press Officer says:

    Nick Clegg says he’s quietly getting on with the job on green policy. Here’s what that means from the Coalition

  442. 442
    Tossflap Watch says:

    Business Link is an awful organisation.

    I tried to use their ‘services’ a few years ago. There’s nothing like being advised on setting up a business by a brain-dead suit who has never done any work outside the local bureaucracy/quangocracy.

    So much for creating a ‘culture of entrepreneurship’

    Utter fucking tossflaps. Scrap it. We won’t notice ANY difference.

  443. 443
    AI5 says:

    Tory sabotage stops it working.

  444. 444
    Jethro says:

    Jack – At the Bullydrone Club, we have found women to be generally unsuitable for membership: they tend to get a bit agitato at the breaking of wind, let alone the breaking of glass, and to complain when members use the pot in the side-board cupboard – along the lines of ‘Why can’t we…?’ Well, fine, have a go, do.’ ‘But you know I’ll look ridiculous, you’ll all laugh at me, and I might sprinkle the carpet…’ ‘Just think how much the chaps would all enjoy it, though!’ ‘You are disgusting, disgusting!’ ‘Well, you can always smile gently and quietly slope off to the Ladies.’ ‘You are all so primitive: I can’t believe it! ‘”The Ladies”! How sexist can you get!’…
    Besides, when did you ever hear a chap complain, ‘Just look at my shirt! Covered in soup-stains, thanks to you and that idiotic lobbing of bread-rolls! It’ll have to go to the cleaners.’ ‘But let me make amends by paying for the cleaning.’ ‘That’s not the point! I was very fond of this shirt – put it on specially tonight, and now look at it! I’m going home!’ ‘Let me order you a Taxi.’ ‘Taxi? You brute! Don’t you understand? I said, I’m going home!’ ‘It’s all right, I’ll settle with the cabbie, make sure he’s a regular, properly-licensed…he’ll see you safely home.’ ‘You’d send me off with some unknown man, at dead of night, in an improperly-licensed cab, with my shirt like this!’ ‘Oh, sorry: I’ll come with you…’ ‘Come with me? See me home safe? And then what? Back to your revelling and rioting! You just don’t care, do you, DON’T C A R E!’

  445. 445
    Rev. Nick Clegg says:

    But then I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago. Psalm 77:11

  446. 446
    The Board says:

    A* Waad.

  447. 447
    Heliograph mirror-fettler says:

    103 I think you forgot us.

  448. 448
    Jethro says:

    Gran’pa alway used to say, ‘Certain substances won’t burn’… well, wot he actually said woz. ‘%^i+ won’t burn.’

  449. 449
    Old Romans Know says:

    He went catholic for forgiveness.

  450. 450
    Atwat says:

    Yeah, I’m sure uncle joe and mao had no end of trouble from the fucking Tories.

  451. 451
  452. 452
    shameless cameron lickspittle says:

    hilarious arse licking from a witless moron

  453. 453
    Pickled Wizard says:

    Well Jethro, here lies the problem – I bow to your knowledge that afterbirth has the same plant enriching properties as horseshit, but as to putting either adolf balls (or should that be ball…) or afterbirth around a rose – the kidnapped emblem of bliarism – I doubt whether the country would be keen on either renovation at present.I’d rather dump both on the head of j. naughtie, or his weird gay morning friend. Fuck the BBC.

  454. 454
    David tatter Rowland says:

    Wahhhhhhhh 738,000 quid down the swanny. I better get a fucking peerage .

  455. 455
    new crap auditors limited says:

    got a dodgy council ?
    like to make the nasty smell go away ?
    then send for us and we’ll audit you dirt cheap and send round old blind bob to look over your books double quick
    he couldn’t find his arse with a flashlight but he will make your accounts and rampant corruption smell sweet

  456. 456
    Jethro says:

    302 Ceci n’est pas une Pike.

  457. 457
    Jethro says:

    Pete – Probably just an up-graded ‘Speak Your Weight’ machine.

  458. 458
    Number 10's cat says:

    Chop suey anyone?

    Sorry…. Couldn’t resist

  459. 459
    Dodgy Tory Council says:

    We have carefully chosen then paid our auditor handsomely and he says we are doing a splendid job!

    Thank you Eric Pickles!!!

  460. 460
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    Bit rich coming from a Gordon Brownnoser…

  461. 461
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:

    AWWWWWWWRRKK!!! K-SKRAAAAARRRK! (flapflapflap)

  462. 462
    Glencannon says:

    Ah, speaking tubes Engineer! Reminds me of the time when the f*****g second mate called me up on it down the engine room – by blowing the whistle inserted in the end of it of course – and when I answered pouring cold tea down the bloody thing. Got my own back but that’s another story.

  463. 463
    Public sector reality bites says:

    The Guardian and Polly pro public service! dont make me laugh… more like pro public service cash for themselves. Just think how baby p’s could have been saved if ‘communication’ salaries had been used instead to fill the 1 in 5 Job vacancies in social work departments…. Polly et al make me sick.

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