August 2nd, 2010

The Smoking Gun

While it may be a mere attempt at generating some headlines, if ever proof was needed that despite the long haul of handshakes, the hustings, the “internal debate”, the Labour Leadership frontrunner David Miliband still doesn’t get it, then look no further than his pitch to publicans this morning:

“For too long we have tolerated this decline as the result of inevitable market forces. But we can and should stand up for the local pub – and the community links and civic life they sustain. Local pubs are great British institutions – and as Labour leader I would stand up for them.”

The hollow statement fails to mention what is really killing the pubs though – the full smoking ban, without exemptions, or landlord discretion, that David Miliband voted for in Cabinet and the House. If he wants to save pubs then he needs to pledge to look again at the legislation, anything less than is just hypocritical opportunism.


  1. 1
    Dack Blog says:

    Doesn’t look like much of a boozer from the way he’s sipping that. More ‘tea rooms’.

  2. 2
    Dack Blog says:

    He’s even got his pinky out.

  3. 3
    DR says:

    Will someone please show Milliband how to hold a glass with a stem … he’s holding this one like a mug, in both senses of the word!

  4. 4
    "pledge to look again at the legislation, anything less than is just hypocritical opportunism." says:

    So Cameron is going to reverse the smoking ban is he ?

    Thought not.

  5. 5
    MI7 says:

    Our politicans really are the thickest Hunts on earth. Getting rid the smoking ban would immediately boost the economy as people would start going to pubs and bars more like just they did before the ban.

  6. 6
    Dack Blog says:

    It’s not only the smoking ban – it’s the cheap b*oze at the supermarkets. Then went pubs went bistro the cheap meal for two deals at the supermarkets.

    Maybe Tesco should start employing grumpy ex p*b landlords instead of ‘greeters’. (This could be a tough thread for getting past the modding).

  7. 7
    Dack Blog says:

    I want a child ban in pubs. Or the return of ‘family rooms’. Ta.

  8. 8
    It's politicians we're talking about here. says:

    “…..anything less than is just hypocritical opportunism.”

    And your point is?

  9. 9
    Dack Blog says:

    Maybe his bro’ poured it and he’s nervous.

  10. 10
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Dave “rendition ” Milltwat about as much use as a choclote teapot

  11. 11
    Tim Lovejoy says:

    Hi , My names Tim Lovejoy and i am a legend .

  12. 12
    says a teacher says:

    Yeah, get those noisy, disruptive brats outta there.

  13. 13

    All pubs will be Weatherspoons in 15 years anyway.

    If Milliband is genuine about helping pubs, (and the country in general), he should fuck off and die.

  14. 14
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    So true , its fuckin annoying having kids running about while trying to have a quiet pint or 6

  15. 15
    Doctor Mick says:

    That’s not his hand.

  16. 16
    The Portman Group says:

    Lobbying by supermarkets with bottomless pockets or by the dr*inks industry who constantly hold ‘events’/piss ups for MPs

    You can see why most MPs are alky fuckwits or money grubbing thieves

    Most commonly both

  17. 17
    Em says:

    Bullshit it’s the smoking ban. Pubs were going down the shitter way before that.

    Chatting crap again Guido.

  18. 18
    Greychatter says:

    Shows how little thought Liar’bour politicions put into the legislation they introduced.

  19. 19
    Doctor Mick says:

    It was the beginning of the end for pubs when they started to let women in (except behind the bar like).

  20. 20
    jery lewis says:

    Maybe if you imposed some fucking discipline for a change, it wouldn’t be so bad. Who’s in charge in your fucking school, the rugrats? Oh yes, silly question.

  21. 21
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    And bring back fox hunting ! Has anyone noticed the rise of foxes ?

  22. 22
    Backwoodsman says:

    He was simply complimenting miliband specimen D on his consistency.

  23. 23
    Tim Weatherspoon says:

    WTF is wrong with that, div brain?

  24. 24
    MI7 says:

    Trust me I go out drinking in the city alot and the smoking ban definitely has hit pubs. The worst hit are the local pubs that aren’t in the city as there is now less incentive for people to go in after they’ve finished work and want to sit back and relax.

  25. 25
    Unsworth says:

    Which ‘pinky’ is that?

  26. 26
    Dr Wolf says:

    Keep the ban. Keep the stinky people out of bars and food establishments. They’re mostly rough sods anyway, smoke in your vans you peasants.

  27. 27
    Breaking News says:

    Breaking News ++++++++++++

    Iain Dale has been caught having an affair with a woman .

  28. 28
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Smoking ban? I don’t think so. For every smoker who deserts the pub, there is, like me, a non smoker who now visits on a regular basis. Smoking is a foul disgusting, anti-social habit. Smokers should be subjected to regular flogging and terms of incarceration until they quit revolting habit.

    There are many reasons why the pub trade is dying. Huge rents, council tax, pub tennants tied to a brewery and forced to pay over the odds for their beer. Supermakets (my favourite tipple 85 pence a pint as opposed to 2.75 in the pub), and of course, the recession.

    Lousy public transport, and, in my area, drug dealing and blood letting.

  29. 29

    You clearly don’t spend any time in pubs.

    I bet you frequent ‘bars’, like a wanker.

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    Sniveling little turd.

  31. 31
    perky says:

    You know, the one you need a mgnifying glass to see.

  32. 32
    Geoff Chaucer says:

    Of course nobody ever went to the pub before smoking was invented, did they?

  33. 33
    Smoker says:

    Marxist twat = bare faced hypocrite = Miliband (both).

  34. 34
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Labour wanted to close the pub trade down to create there own dependcy culture (benifits), there would be no way they would pay people to sit drinking responabilty in a pub , But at home ?

  35. 35
    David Miliband says:

    You can smoke cock in the pub.

  36. 36
    Dr Wolf says:

    And the average barmaid is a minger, what has happened to all the totty?

  37. 37
    MI7 says:

    smoking was invented before alcohol

  38. 38
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Good point, I hadn’t noticed. But now you mention it ………

  39. 39
    Go West Young Man says:

    Meanwhile his brother Ed tweets

    On very delayed train to Taunton to start holiday in Cornwall. Looking 4ward to rest and family time.

    Somebody had best tell Ed that Taunton is in Somerset and is nowhere near Cornwall.

  40. 40
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Really? When was smoking invented?

  41. 41
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    How about as soon as a mp is elected we put a chip in them that means as soon as they lie they blow up , Would thisled to honest mps ?

  42. 42
    Such a nice man says:

    All profits for the author will be donated to charities associated with the Brown family.

  43. 43

    “Smokers should be subjected to regular flogging and terms of incarceration until they quit revolting habit”.

    Anti-smoking fascists should really just get on with their own fucking lives and leave smokers the fuck alone.

  44. 44
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    Alert the border guards, and starve the dogs.

  45. 45
    Dack Blog says:

    You’re confusing me with a parent, jery. I do maintain discipline (despite some parents), but I don’t think it’s my job to teach it.

  46. 46
    Cometh the Hour,Cometh the Man says:

    You miss the point….EVERYTHING that has been legislated into law over the past 13 years by the previous Government was absolutely nothing to do with any Labour politician or Cabinet Minister particularly if they are standing for office in the “New” new Labour Party post Blair/Brown…in fact you’ll find they didn’t agree with any of the the policies but..hey…what can you do)?It was ALL Brown’s fault anyway…………we all knew he was “mad,bad and dangerous” but it’s amazing what a well-placed Nokia can do for collegiate government

  47. 47
    pigs in space says:

    perhaps Millilitre includes the massive, punitive taxation levels on the pub industry as ‘market forces’

    ‘Tim Martin, the group’s chairman, said that the level of tax being levied on the trade was contributing to the closure of pubs in record numbers – according to recent figures 39 a week. He said that each of Wetherspoon’s pubs generated average taxes of £530,000 but earned only £50,000 in after-tax profits. “The Government seems not to understand the economic impact of new taxes and legislation and continues to impose new burdens at a huge rate.”’
    March 2009

  48. 48
    smokers are repulsive cretins says:

    great, all that extra alcohol tax we collect can go straight into the NHS to pay for the future lung problems of punters and staff.

    smokers have no more right to fill my favourite pub with toxic fumes than I have the right to stand on the bar and fart in their face

  49. 49
    Hugh Janus says:

    No, it would lead to no MPs at all.

    We should introduce it immediately.

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Pubs attract society’s lowlifes, that’s why they’re emptying.

    Example: doormen on most pubs in my area, didn’t need them 20 years ago. But now, things are rougher and nastier in this country and pubs are like a magnet to this element.

    21% of the population aged 16+ smoke (gov stats 2007) and 66% of those want to give up. Are you saying that they *all* go to the pub? Nonsense…

  51. 51

    Are you SURE enough pub folk are prepared to be kippered even if passive smoking is a myth?

  52. 52
    Rip Van Winkle says:

    I do love you tolerant types.

  53. 53
    Number 10's cat says:

    No! Just a lot of well fed foxes

  54. 54
    Hugh Janus says:

    “While it may be a mere attempt at generating some headlines…..”

    This is D Millitwat Esq we are talking about Guido. He doesn’t do anything else.

  55. 55
    Muslim Block Vote says:

    Pubs are Haram, infidel dogs. We want none of your alcohol dens full of drunken slutty womens exposing their wobbly udders.

  56. 56
    Decent ordinary people says:

    Smoking is a filthy stinking disgusting habit which is why welfare scroungers all do it.

  57. 57
    Geoff Hoon says:

    Can i just remind you i am a utter hoon

  58. 58
    Nick2 says:

    Why shouldn’t they smoke in a separate room in the building – similar to a (now banned) Smoking Bar?

    I’m not a smoker, but I’ve not heard any smokers demand the right to blow tobacco smoke at non smokers – merely to enjoy equivalent facilities in the buildings where the businesses that they support are based.

  59. 59
    Hans Blix thinks David Miliband is a dipshit says:

    Another example of how two faced David Miliband is.

  60. 60
    jery lewis says:

    “…..but I don’t think it’s my job to teach it.”

    Hmmm….. that’s evidently not what my teachers thought when they variously slapped me on the back of my legs (a female teacher, and I’ve loved it ever since) whacked countless times over the knuckles with a ruler, and twice on my back with looked like a piece of 2×2. Looks like an abrogation of responsibilty by both you, the parents and the authorities.

  61. 61
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Ban this ban that ban fucking everything , Bollocks , if i want to smoke i will , If i want to get fuckin ratarsed i will , If i want to do it together i will .

    There are many pubs that do let you smoke

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    I’m not a smoker, but you sir, are a fucking Nazi.

  63. 63
    10,000 words a day says:

    charities associated with the Brown family

    Wot, like Help the Barking Bonkers ex-Prime Ministers Association?

  64. 64
    Nick2 says:

    Nice – but maybe Brown should sign the book royalties etc to the HoC Fees Office (as it appears to be written in ‘work time’.

    Or alternatively get it published by Her Majesty’s Stationery Office.

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    …welfare scroungers and politicians.

  66. 66
    Peggy Mitchell says:

    Miiiilibaaaaand! Yer baaaaaaarrrrred! Get owwwwwt of ma pub! Go on get owwwwwwt!

  67. 67

    Cornwall was, of course, the aspiration, but the Office of Wanker Holidays has decreed that Taunton is more than half way to Cornwall, and as a result Miliband Minor has been awarded Foundation status.

    Mr Miliband was quoted as saying “There’s too many bloody windmills in Cornwall, so we’ve gone for the quiet of Somerset.”

  68. 68
    Phil says:

    I hope the tome, written by a cretin in total self denial as to his part in encouraging the horrific mountain of debt bequeathed the nation by his government, is as complete a fuxxxxg disaster as his management of the economy was.

  69. 69
    Number 10's cat says:

    These days, eating smoky bacon involves opening a packet of crisps. Pre smoking ban you also had the option of pulling the barmaids

  70. 70
    amongymous says:

    lol it must be his trying to appear as a working man act – has either militwat ever actually been in a pub?

  71. 71
    Up against the wall, smokepig! says:

    21% is a three-year old figure so I confidently expect that it’s now under 20%.
    I suppose there is always going to be a hard core of lowlife brainless chavs who will always smoke. I object to paying for the NHS bills of these fuckwits.

  72. 72
    Bob says:

    For EVERY smoker?? I don’t think so. My experience tells me (not suggests) that for every non-smoker who didn’t visit the pub before the ban citing the evil cigarettes, there is now exactly the same number of non-smokers, still not visiting the pub.

    The only real change is that now some of the smokers who used to visit the pub get their beer in Tesco and drink at home.

  73. 73

    If Miliband (or indeed any other of the Fabian eugenicist Britain haters) ever gets into power, all pubs will eventually be closed due to a) the Musselman demographic, and b) the imposition of Sharia law by Liebour.

    Fuck it, I’m off for some of that dark beverage with the harp on the pump.

  74. 74
    Dack Blog says:

    Well, considering I had an alcoholic drug addict parent roaming the school corridors recently looking to knock my block off for suggesting that their child’s behaviour was affecting the progress of his peers I think I’ll give the leg slapping a miss.

  75. 75
    Lord of Hull says:

    It wasunt the guvver ments folt we love smoakers cos their laybour usurally not toffs an that

  76. 76
    OnAnonAnon says:

    Hypocritical opportunism – a champagne socialist indulging in hypocritical opportunism???

    Well, fuck me sideways, I never knew they did that!

  77. 77

    I think you’ll find that smokers pay quite a lot into the NHS through taxed cigarettes.

  78. 78

    Yep – followed one across the station steps the other night – only about 11:30 and the little bugger was walking around bold as brass.

    I wouldn’t mind them, but one did go through a phase of leaving decapitated felines in my garden – I hate cats, but having to bin two a week for a month got a little tedious.

    Mind you, an Aldershot fox hunt would consist mostly of hooligans on scooters using Special Brew as their stirrup cups…

  79. 79
    MI5 says:

    There are two things which are killing pubs

    ZANU Labour taxes on alcohol…

    ZANU Labour local authority rates…

    Milliband does not understand either of these things…nor what a market economy is all about..

    How could he ?

    He has never does an honest day’s job in the private sector in his life…

  80. 80
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    Yeah – snork, snork – gay bars!

  81. 81
    No stinks please says:

    Smokers should leave the rest of us alone. I now can’t sit in a pub garden because of all the cretinous lung-poisoners stinking the place up.

  82. 82
    Labour are all secret puffs says:

    Definitely looks like a secret puff (like Gordon) – see the way he gingerly sips, a fan of Judy Garland methinks.

  83. 83
    Fu**ed off says:

    Fuck you arsehole!

  84. 84
    ban things says:

    All pubs must close and all drinking of booze be banned

  85. 85
    roman says:

    Seen this weekend by a friend in very urban suburb: fox carrying large very dead cat in jaws. Friend shouted at fox, which dropped cat and ambled off. Cat had puncture holes in neck.

  86. 86
    Gladys Ribby-Brown says:

    I find it disgusting when oiks out with grandma, the kids and a pram start eating at the next table… I’d never get tired of twa**ing them.

  87. 87
    Gladys Ribby-Brown says:

    While we’re at it can we also ban pubs advertising “Winter Warmers” & “Family Fayre”.

  88. 88
    Rendition, Torture, Terrorist & War Apologist, David Miliband says:

    Last night, I read Ed Miliband had launched an Obama style text campaign. He managed to recruit around 1,500 potential volunteers for his campaign. Not bad eh! D Mili sits with his thumb up his @rse thinking up bullshit to force feed the Labour sheeple with.

  89. 89
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Liverpool to be sold to the chinkys ? Link coming up

  90. 90
    Labour are all secret puffs says:

    You do smoke cock. Thats why you have sired no children, get in the corner with Mark Oaten and David Laws, you should have been a fucking Dib Lem.

  91. 91
    Bob the Builder says:


    Good to see Adam Smith Institute writing a report (by a BBC producer) recommending what we have said here for a long time…





  92. 92
    Fuck Miliband you has been says:

    milibland needs to pledge a re look at the smoking ban? So the Hunt who banned it now gets a second chance because he says he will look at it after the damage is done. I think not.

  93. 93

    If you see smokers in the garden – go elsewhere.

    If all the pubs have smokers in their gardens – tough shit.

  94. 94
    roman says:

    Tobacco brought back from America by Walter Raleigh, beginning of 17th century, the King (James 1) didn’t approve of smoking, but it sure caught on – didn’t you get taught anything at school?

  95. 95
  96. 96

    I’m off out in a minute to a pub with a nice patio out the back, enclosed and with an awning for if it rains.

    I shall consume Irish stout and smoke as many cigs as I feel like, and the anti-smoking fascists can complain as much as they wish.

    This pub, of course, is well enough designed that prior to the smoking ban, the front of the pub (where the airflow came from) was non-smoking, and the rear of the pub was smoking, with the smoky air vented outside. Passive smoking was not an issue, and everyone respected the ‘no smoking at the bar’ signs (even the bar staff!).

    There never was any justification for imposing this law – good design and air conditioning planning can reduce passive smoking levels to almost nil. More interfering health fascism, more destruction to the British way of life – it’s what Liebour did best.

  97. 97
    cretin spotter says:

    I would love to fart in your face after stubbing out my fag on it.

  98. 98
    Vinny says:

    And wots with all the slopeing surfaces in the bogs so’s its hard to ‘powder your nose’, bet you ain’t got them in the HOC bars, bloody hell, bet youve got a dispenser on the wall which dishes it out for Free, hippocrate!, no wunder the pubs are losing trade, got to sneek into the disabled toilets to skin up some skunk now, is he is Brother? or the one with the Bannana, cant tell the difference.

  99. 99
    Ho Chi Fuk Yu says:

    fuck me the Tongs have arrived

  100. 100
    Whitey says:

    I saw three white faces the full length of Oxford St yesterday. We are too late

  101. 101
    Hugh Janus says:

    The Smith Institute perchance? Otherwise known as the Brown/Balls Slush Fund for Corrupt Politicians.

  102. 102
    Dorian Smith says:

    From reading ‘Thoroughly Modern Milli’s’ quote you’d think he was advocating the “Big Society”.

  103. 103
    waltzing millipede says:

    Most pubs shut down because of the smoking ban, the whinging, whining non smokers simply did not arrive. No doubt because now, most pubs are empty, expensive and do very little to look after the smokers.

  104. 104
    Blackthorn says:

    Was Ed Miliband in favour of Labour’s cider Tax?

  105. 105
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    Of course he is only pledging to look at it,not do anything different; Let’s not forget the weasels were in charge until May and they have not become honest citizens. Millipede is an odious example of what success is in politics today.

    Let’s face it the c’unt never deserved a first chance and had his career not been sponsored by Blair he would be a nobody(still overpromotion in my opinion) Just like Balls and Cooper.Needed patronage to get anywhere. Useless

  106. 106
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    There are some pubs the old bill cant enforce the law on , more trouble than its worth . its called local democracy :)

  107. 107
    bergen says:

    Correct.It was the last straw that sent modest profit into loss and has finished the small local.Clubs are suffering next.

  108. 108
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    And we pay your fuckin wages . Twat

  109. 109
    Pukka Pies Catering says:

    The hole place has gone to the dogs.

  110. 110
    Milli's Banana says:

    Nothing wrong with the smoking ban, pubs are far nicer without them. The vast majority of pub goers don’t smoke, therefore majority should rule.

    Pubs i see are still as rammed as always regardless of the smoking ban.

  111. 111
    rocknrolla says:

    Now be fair, the Yanks found him very useful at covering up torture. He does have uses!

    Plus he will as leader bring much comedy to this site with his weird and unelectable ways.

    Yesterday there was a post about the chav underclass we have bred and how if everyone gets benefits how will anyone work to pay for the benefits. It was pointed out that Gordon thought he could solve this conundrum by printing money. I kind of miss that type of stupidity a Labour leader who is a moron but thinks they’re clever brings – Militwat will fill the role nicely.

  112. 112
    TobyTwist says:

    The smoking ban made a relatively small change overall. Footfall in pubs is pretty stable and has recovered from the initial dip since that change.

    The big problem is the rise in property prices. Profitable pubs don’t make enough not to justify selling the land for redevelopment.

  113. 113
    Fu**ed off says:

    O/T but is anyone else witnessing the Moderation cleansing going on at the Graun today?

    “WikiLeaks and British lies in Ireland” written by everyone’s favourite terrorist Gerry Adams.

    Comment is Free – Is it fuck!

  114. 114
    Ploughman says:

    Bring back ploughman’s lunches

  115. 115
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    Nothing is free , Everything costs something

  116. 116
    Drinker, Smoker, & always wary of Pinky Pootfers, specially the 'elf freaks says:

    Stupid Fucker!

    Has to drink from a girl’s glass and can’t even do that properly!

    Can he / does he drink from the furry cup?

    Thought not.


  117. 117
    Mr Plum says:

    Most suburban pubs are frequented by Neanderthal types where no sane person would want to venture unless you wanted to save money having your teeth extracted.

  118. 118
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Wierd that. King james bible managed to have words like “wine” in it.

  119. 119
    Fu**ed off says:

    You must be joking! The first thing that hit me when walking in to a newly smoke free pub was the stench of literally unwashed arseholes.

    I prefer the stale smell of smoke than stale other people thanks.

    Are you Mark Oaten?

    Fuck you.

  120. 120
    Creeps about in Dunes says:

    He’s not quite so reticent in the dunes though, – ‘cept when the sand is blowing.

    Tra La.

    Noo Boring Liars – the party of bit part pervs.

  121. 121
    FSA says:

    An FSA spokesman has said today that there is no problem cloning MPs because we don’t eat them – well, not yet anyway

  122. 122
    Sarah Twat the Tweety Tripper says:

    I’m in Canterbury, bathing in appreciative warm company, cozy, and cosseted, with lots of complimentary cuddles.


  123. 123
    Gorgon the Moron says:

    Not in my world.

  124. 124
    Labour are all secret puffs says:

    Mmmm yes, strap on tonight…..coo

  125. 125
    pint of egg nog barsteward says:

    the reason I don’t go to my local is it is full of mentally deficient locals who smell of piss

  126. 126
    DR says:

    The clock on Milliband’s website is running an hour late … being behind the times at this stage is not too promising.

  127. 127
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Its an excuse. A sign of being old is not going to the pub in spite of the opportunity.

    I bet the smokers going to tesco have a family and can’t be bothered making the time to go to the pub any more.

  128. 128
    anonymous says:


    there’s one in the cabinet

  129. 129
    Old Lag says:

    What’s wrong with these Twittering MPs haven’t they ever heard of Burglars?

    First Ed miliband tells us that he has taken the family to Taunton the county town of Somerset in Cornwall and now Bollocks brain is telling the world that he has left the country for a family camping holiday. And why the fook is he using a mobile phone on a plane?

    As these Mps have a habit of collecting houses by the dozen then the break in stats will go through the roof while they take their well deserved summer hols.

    Just finished article for tomorrow in airport – now on plane to Boston with family – never has a camper van seemed so inviting…

  130. 130
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I saw one recently. But the sodding thing had camembert. and red onion in jus.

  131. 131
    A Dolf, a non-smoker and fitness freak (pickup zos knees!) says:

    Vee shall ban orl ov you whoo – wOt you say – smoke!

    Unt zer Kampennfurher, meinen bitch, zer JackBoot vill insert zer bathenpluggen into zer gobshites.

    Heil zer EUSSR unt meinen poy HumpyRumpyPumy!

  132. 132
    Anonymous says:

    A giraffe walks into a pub. You could see it was a giraffe because there was no smoke to impair the vision.

    The barman says to it ‘Why the long face?’

  133. 133
    Anonymous says:

    How do you know the tax on cigarettes is being used to fund the NHS? Perhaps it’s being channelled into funding illegal wars.

  134. 134
    Anonymus says:

    but did that bother you when you could pull?

  135. 135
    Topless Barmaid says:

    My pub is always full, don’t know what the fuss is about

  136. 136
    Cannot stand the smell of smoke in pubs Ugh!!! says:

    Much prefer the stench of male piss and channel blokes – or should that be blocks?

    Ohhh ducky!

  137. 137
    Gordon Brown says:

    Would you like to see MY smoking gun? Miss Macauley’s never seen it.

  138. 138
    Sarah Beard says:

    I love my partner very much.

    She lives in Canterbury.

  139. 139
    boris johnsons says:

    Whoever is tired of Jim Davidson, is tired of life.

  140. 140
    Lord Prescott of Butter Fat says:

    I like smoked bacon.

  141. 141
    brownless says:

    perhaps a choice between smoking and non smoking pubs would resolve your dilemma. Granted that smoking is not a good thing health wise it doesn’t follow that a government should dictate such a draconian all encompassing ban at a stroke. The death of the pub lays directly at their door for having done so.

  142. 142
    streamfisher says:

  143. 143
    DR says:

    … but you’ll never be cured!

  144. 144
    Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

    There was one in the pub the other night.

  145. 145
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    “Mind the windows Tino”

  146. 146
    anonymous says:

    david milipede, hmmmm, is this the arsehole you’re talking about….?

  147. 147
    Handy Andy says:

    which pub?

  148. 148
    streamfisher says:

    He still thinks you play Backgammon with a pigs arse.

  149. 149
    Shagger Nokes says:

    Anyone fancy a shag?

  150. 150
    David Laws in the voice of John Inman says:

    I’m free!

  151. 151
    Number 10's cat says:

    I’m all for the wobbly udders bit

  152. 152
    Margaret Moran says:

    I’ll give you lads a lapdance. Just imagine seeing my bingo wings up close.

  153. 153
    the nanny state knows best says:

    true pubs have struggled just like everyone else but the ban unquestionably finished them off. Going to the local for a beer and a cigarette was a normal part of life and for many elders down their local ‘working mens’ their virtually only life. If you listen to even non smokers most say the ban has been a disaster.

  154. 154

    Ed Miliband says that he wouldn’t have voted for the war in Iraq, but that’s exactly what he would’ve done

    ‘The weapons inspectors should have been given more time to find out whether [Saddam Hussein] had those weapons.’

    – Ed Miliband MP (by the way, MP doesn’t stand for ‘mendacious prig’)

    I watched The Bounty Hunter the other day. It’s a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler (I don’t know what I was thinking; please don’t judge me on this alone). If you haven’t seen it, let me summarise without giving too much away: it’s fucking awful. But at least it had the courtesy to bugger off after an hour and-a-half.

    Because the only thing worse than a bad film is a bad film that’s long. And the same goes for Labour Party leadership elections.

    Who thought that it’d be a good idea to have brothers Miliband, Messrs Balls and Burnham, and one of those oh so plucky West Indian mothers slog it out for 4 whole months? Is there a single member of the Labour Party out there who hasn’t made up their mind about who they’ll be voting for? Is there anyone (after listening to the 5 candidates go on and on and on about how great they are) who’s still scratching their head and saying, ‘Y’know what? I think that I need to hear 2 more months of this before I decide who gets my vote.’

    But for the Labour Party member who’s just woken up from a coma, here’s a run down of the candidates:

    Ed Miliband
    Smart, articulate, prepubescent of face, whiny of voice.

    David Miliband
    Smart, articulate, prepubescent of face, unsettling of manner, will probably win – Tories must be bricking it.

    Ed Balls
    Only ever mentions 3 things in a sentence: a noun, a verb, and his exaggerated role in the decision to keep Britain out of the Euro.

    Andy Burnham
    Seems like a nice guy, but short on box office (and any chance of winning). He was Health Secretary in the last government, and that’s probably his level.

    Diane Abbott
    Says that state schools are good enough for your and everyone else’s children, just not her own. And when she’s asked to justify her hypocrisy she has to resort to something as ludicrous and racist as, ‘Oh, it’s what West Indian mothers do’.

    But rivalling Abbott for effrontery is something that Ed Miliband said a while back. Ed proclaimed that he would’ve voted against the invasion of Iraq in 2003 had he been an MP at the time.

    When I heard this I almost choked on my gimlet. Then I checked out Ed’s voting record during the last Parliament. And I’ll be darned: Ed never voted against the government on anything. Not once in 5 years. And what about the vote on an inquiry into Iraq? Yep, he voted against that too.

    Ed can say what he likes, but it’s quite clear that he would’ve voted for the war. Because that’s what his party bosses would’ve ordered him to do. Great credentials for leadership, don’t you think?

  155. 155
    Hans Blix thinks David Miliband is a Dipshit. says:

    Cluster Fuck! DMilimetre is a useless stunt who plays a double game with the voters. The man seriously lacks integrity, his voting is inconsistent with the views he spouts to anyone who is dim enough to listen. Hope he wins the leadership contest. Labour get the leadership they deserve while the opponents can have a field day exposing Labour’s hypocrisy!

  156. 156
    Doctor Mick says:

    People don’t know what to do with their crisp packets an’ all now that they’ve done away with the ashtrays.

  157. 157
    tallyho duckegg says:

    good idea..why not… vermin need controlling if not likely how about ferral kid hunting or incapacity benefit recipient whacking nights.

  158. 158
    Doctor Mick says:

    That would be the Frothy Nipple

  159. 159
    tit says:

    it might be silly season but not that silly

  160. 160
    Ploughman says:

    Got to be traditional for me, 2 cream crackers, 1 pat of butter in silver foil and a rectangle of sweaty cheddar wrapped in plastic, Bon Appetite!

  161. 161
    Sir William Waad says:

    That’ll get the punters in – turn every pub back into an Arbroath kipper factory.

  162. 162
    Gordon says:

    I have a special friend as well who I love very much, his name is ROCKY HORSEY HORSEY and I shout his name out load as I sit on him and fill my nappy.

  163. 163
    David Miliband says:

    More to the point: ‘4ward’? Twat.

  164. 164
    Gone Fuckin mental says:

    To fuckin long !

  165. 165
    Sir William Waad says:

    I agree, smokers are pretty pathetic, with their insistence on ‘choice’. They had a choice when they were 13 and got it wrong. Now they’re addicted to the damn things and they have to go on doggedly pouring money into the tobacco corporations’ coffers because they will feel lousy if they don’t.

    I don’t object to public smoking on ‘health grounds’ because the idea of ‘passive smoking’ is bogus. I hate it because smokers stink, spread dirt and litter everywhere and set fire to buildings.

    Smoking should be permitted between concenting adults in private.

  166. 166
    tit says:

    shame they missed you in the blood letting department fuck off to macdonalds and leave the adults to wreck the furniture

  167. 167
    Ma rk O a t en says:

    I love a ploughman’s lunch but only when it comes out the other end of the ploughman.

  168. 168
    I don't think so says:

    Guido, normally you make valid comments based on what appears to be good research. The only exceptions latey have been your Gazza strip “holiday camp” debacle, and now this.

    The smoking ban was not brought in to help increase the number of people going to the pub. It was a simple health issue, you know, that minor thing called cancer, passive smoking or otherwise. Stats show it is working as expected.

    Any other industry issue that resulted in such horrendous health issues on it’s users would have been either closed down or made to change long ago.

    A far more likely reason pubs are closing down is there incredibly poor profit margin that would only be marginally better with a higher turnover (speak to anyone with a tied brewery and you will get a horror story of what income they need to generate just to cover fixed costs). Food has a higher margin but of-course less people are going out for a meal (credit crunch crises anyone).

  169. 169
    gildedtumbril says:

    I remember well when the snivelling alien bastard told local dimwits in ‘his’ constituency that he wouls support their fight to save sub-postoffices. The bastard then voted later for the wiping out of thousands of such facilities including ones he had used for photo opportunities in the local rag.
    The five contestants for leadership of the labour head of the three headed snake are , without excepttion, a bunch of thoroughly undesireable nonces.

  170. 170
    Sir William Waad says:

    “……one of the low
    On whom assurance sits
    Like a silk hat on a Bradford millionaire.”

  171. 171
    Anonymous says:

    File it under “Fiction” – Children’s section.

  172. 172
    I Hate New Labour says:


    It’s a red herring to blame the smoking ban.

    But then Millipede is another of those career politicians (like Brown) who have no idea how the real world works.

  173. 173
    Oatibix says:

    You don’t?

  174. 174
    The Ape Man Commeth says:

    Call him odious, but ideally leaders of political parties, and especially prime ministers, should have a statesman like quality. If a man they must be like a man amongst men, have stature and grandeur, be someone that a nation can look up to. They should be both inspiring and bold, honest and compassionate. The question is does this labour politician, often pictured with a banana, have these qualities?

  175. 175
    Sir William Waad says:

    Excellent post. Do drop in for a glass or two next time you’re near Waad Magna.

  176. 176
    Dr Wolf says:

    You’re the one going around sniffing arsehols.

    Say no more.

  177. 177
    MI7 says:

    smoking has been around for thousands of years.

  178. 178
    I Hate New Labour says:

    I wonder if he lies awake at night, cursing his lack of backbone.

    You could have been PM you banana-waving tw@t, if only for a year. Now, you’ll never get the chance.

    Couldn’t happen to a more charming individual. Still, good to see the lefties settling into their natural position of opposition. Power doesn’t suit them at all.

  179. 179

    News 25

    The sequel – this time it’s serious

    First for innovation

    Hello there! My name’s Drew Colgate, anchorperson and all-round self-satisfied, narcissistic twat.* Welcome to News 25! People of Britain, it’s news time – so step into my office.

    Here at News 25, we’re always first for innovation – ‘cause if we were second, we wouldn’t be innovative, would we? This week, we’ve got another on-screen graphic for you up our sleeve. It’s to help transfix the audience’s infinitesimal attention span and keep all your post-modern minds from wandering on to RedTube – the media market’s tough out there. And so, as of tonight, the flashing amber ‘breaking news’ visual that we all know and love is going to be featuring permanently at the bottom of your screen – just ‘cause news is technically always breaking. If it wasn’t, how would be on air 365/24/7?

    But before we move on to more ever-breaking news, it’s with profound regret that I issue the following apology:

    After last night’s show, News 25 received a small but significant number of complaints about my facial expression during the broadcast. One viewer, Jean from Manchester, described my countenance as ‘grinning, inappropriate, inane, never changing’. I have subsequently reviewed last night’s show, and I can confirm that I was indeed smiling throughout, even when smiling was entirely unsuitable given the shocking nature of some of last night’s breaking news, and even when I introduced our special undercover report: Peodos In Speedos – How Do You Know That Your Kid Isn’t Being Perved On At The Seaside?

    Tonight, I apologise enthusiastically to those viewers who were offended by what they saw last night. Like the man who finds God and then celebrates by getting pissed and sleeping with a prostitute, I’m so, so, so regretful.

    I also want to take this opportunity to reassure the viewing public that I’m not a heartless bastard. Unsympathetic? That’s not Drew. Sadistic? Not guilty. Unfeeling? No . . . but yes: yesterday morning, I went for my fortnightly botox booster. But unfortunately for myself and last night’s audience, and especially for the escalating number of people who are victims of peodos in Speedos, the routine injection was bungled; apparently, I was administered the dosage intended for Gordon Ramsay’s canyon-like stress-lined chin. So, just a heads up: I’ll be smiling constantly for the next 10 days.

    Anyway, time for the ads. But when we return, we’ll have another shocking story about another kind of f-word: fiddling. That and more ever-breaking news. See you in 3.

    * Just to avoid confusion, Drew Colgate’s character is definitely not based on Emily Maitlis.

    To see other episodes of News 25, follow the link:

  180. 180
    Mark Thompson says:

    They’re shit and the beer tastes like piss

  181. 181
    Sir William Waad says:

    A giraffe walks into a cocktail bar. “Hey girls!” he says “The highballs are on me!”

  182. 182
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    I doubt this tedious pile of shit will make any money unless he dishes the dirt on Blair, Mandelson etc

  183. 183
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Yes, smoking in the UK dates back to it’s introduction by Walter Raleigh in the 17th century, that does not tell us when smoking was invented.

    Smoking goes back to some 3000 to 5000 years BC. I seem to recall that the brewing of beer has a not disimilar history. Hence my question, which came first.

  184. 184
    MI7 says:

    You’ve obviously haven’t spent much time in your holy arab land in the middle east. Full of alcoholics, smack heads and hookers though it just goes on behind close doors. And there’s a massive aids epidemic because the governments in the ME won’t give out clean syringes and condoms are illegal.

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    I fink yewll find that’s spelt Ahhhhhhhhht ! (with 9 ‘aitchis) (SIC)

  186. 186
    tit says:

    theres a hardcore of brainless twats who write crap ..doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to write it. Hope you catch something nasty and we get a choice to pay for you or not. twat

  187. 187
    gerryfeehily says:

    Hear hear, but pubs are also being killed by outrageous drink driving limits that penalise seasoned drivers and old codgers out for their couple of glasses.

  188. 188
    AC1 says:

    > smokers have no more right to fill my favourite pub with toxic fumes than I have the right to stand on the bar and fart in their face

    Totally wrong. It’s for the owner of your favourite bar to decide whether he wants your tolerant company or those nasty paying smokers.

  189. 189
    Anonymous says:

    How many of the anti-ban lobby like to spout off about the contributions from taxation, yet routinely buy their tobacco and tobacco products from someone who has just been to the continent?

  190. 190
    AC1 says:

    and a pub is private property frequented by adults.

  191. 191
    AC1 says:

    Imagine if a dog bit a chav though? The dog would catch all sorts of infections.

  192. 192
    tit says:

    you don’t come down the Scrumpit and Squit obviously..there if a customer doesn’t smoke we set fire to ‘em and they soon do…so fuck off back to the Dead Dog and finish your shandy… twat.

  193. 193
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    First Law of Thermodynamics

  194. 194
    AC1 says:

    There’s always been a smoking ban in post offices. The service there is shit that’s why they’re closing.

  195. 195
    tit says:

    without an extended election campaign the labour party would be stuck oblivion warp factor 6

  196. 196
    AC1 says:

    Obviously well informed as you spell Gaza wrong…

    Guido was right about the UNs welfare state experiment in Gaza, and he’s right about this. You own your own body, not the state.

    Now fuck off you meddling imbecile.

  197. 197
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Will someone tell me why “plucky” West Indian mother Diane Abbott had to go it alone? She isn’t a widow, is she?

  198. 198
    Anonymous says:

    Pubs were closing at a rate of knots before the smoking ban Guido.
    It a combination of issues like the excessive taxation on pub alcohol, super low supermarket pricing, the licensing act 2003, and rising rent rates. The smoking ban was just the cherry on the cake on Labours assault against the traditional british pub.

  199. 199
    AC1 says:

    You do realise passive smoking has no health effects in studies.

  200. 200
    Peter Thurgood says:

    I wish he would answer me that quickly….you must be a special friend os his!

  201. 201
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    IDTS, You haven’t factored in the “pubcos” that seem to have an iron grip on far too many pubs in the UK. They are essentially property companies run by accountants who will try and squeeze every last drop out of their investment. There are mugs who have signed up for 5 and 10 year management agreements struggling to meet the costs of rent and other imposed costs, whilst desparately trying to make a profit. They cannot buy beers unless the pubco says so and they have to attract as many customers as possible, often with bad results. Many of the most successful pubs in my neck of the woods are owned by the landlord who is in it for the long term and builds up the trade.

  202. 202
    tit says:

    the health argument could just as easily be made for booze…sad twat fuck off and drink your soya milk mummys calling.

  203. 203
    tit says:

    240 volts would suit them very well

  204. 204
    Milli's Banana says:

    Very eloquently put. So much so that you managed to disguise the point, that you were presumably trying to make, very well.

  205. 205
    Bigoted Brit says:

    So how much did the fawning lefty scum pay murdering terrorist scum Adams for his take on this?

  206. 206
    Grrrrrrrrrr says:

    Smoking ban and the ridiculous drink driving laws. In France although the limit is a bit lower you get a 3 month ban for your first offence, a bit longer for the second and a serious rap for the thrid. In this country its a statutory year for first, statutory three years for second and a possible custodial for third. Not to mention social ostracism and insane insurance costs.

    Drink driving is NOT a good idea but it is nowhere near as bad as its made out to be.

  207. 207
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Don’t waste your time with him Mr Fawkes, the man’s a twat and he’ll never be prime minister.

  208. 208
    Bigoted Brit says:

    Fascism stinks much worse than tobacco-smoke.

  209. 209
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    She married a bloke called Richard Thompson, an architect, in 1991 but the marriage lasted only a few minutes and they divorced in 1993. Are you surprised?

  210. 210
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Ooo, shut that Laws!

  211. 211
    Postlethwaite says:

    Smoking er what?

    It is TAX – the weapon of choice, that is keeping people out of pubs. Parking tax; petrol tax, VAT on petrol tax; alcohol tax; cigarette tax; shirt off your back tax; national insuracne tax; rain on my roof tax (yes).
    Never (well not since the labour 70s governemnt) have so many given so much for so little.

    Last Labour government did not work it out – result is the Laffer curve = the black economy.


  212. 212
    THE_FORCE says:

    Smoking isn’t killing pubs, crap tasting, mass produced beer is. Stop the breweries from owning more than a handful of pubs and support the microbrewing industry. I don’t want a pint of fosters at my local. I want a pint of Tactical Nuclear Penguin:

  213. 213
    Bigoted Brit says:

    Yes – and were it not for the active connivance of the BBC in trotting out Big Pharma-funded ASH propaganda as fact, we may not have been left with this appalling one-size-fits-all socialist smoking-ban now and 100,000 jobs might have been saved, along with all those old landlocked boozers and community pubs.

  214. 214
    I don't think so says:

    Bloody hell, I put in an extra z, the shame! Clearly that’s what makes your lengthy and detailed argument so much more plausible than mine!

  215. 215
    I don't think so says:

    tit by name…..

  216. 216
    Postlethwaite says:

    Er, no.

    Those of us that live in rural areas know the value of a post office.

    The last government – labour relentlessly tried to, and for the most part succeeded in dismantling our lives and generally making life difficult for us.

    Shut down small country schools, shut down country post offices, never repair country roads, and before they were voted out, reduce the speed limit to make going to work on horseback a speedy reality.


  217. 217
    Bigoted Brit says:

    Do any of the nulab traitors have statesmanlike qualities? The pool of vomit representing their leadership contenders shows just what talent there is to draw from in the PLP.

  218. 218
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Never mind the health effects, the disgusting smell of tobacco left behind on the clothes and hair of non smokers is good enough reason to ban smoking. Yes, of course it gets on to the hair and clothing of smokers as well, but since they live with stench every day of their lives they do not notice.

    Of course, there is a plus side to smoking, with the pensions timebomb approaching, it is reassuring to remember smokers die young. Perhaps we need a policy of “separate development” for smokers and non smokers; smokers townships, a ban on intersmoking couples co-habiting. That sort of thing.

  219. 219
    Bigoted Brit says:

    “By commenting you agree to be contacted by the David Miliband Campaign. By commenting on this post you are also agreeing to receive campaign updates.”

  220. 220
    Jan says:

    How is Diane Abbott a West Hindian when she was born in Paddington? She is black and British. So all this bull about being a ‘West Hindian mother who would go to the wall for her child’ is utter b………cks. Especially when her son has a father from Ghana …..So here we have a black British woman who has a son with a man from Ghana but is somehow a West Hindian mother going to the wall fo her child. It appears she is not too keen on Ghanains,in fact she is not too keen on Finnish nurses either.She is not too keen on whitey in general ‘cos they don’t go to the wall for their children innit?? Andrew…ooohhh Andrew…I have nothing more to say……ooohhhh Andrew…………

  221. 221
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    A series of events conspired to kill the pub. First, the drinks industry did a secret deal with the previous Government – in return for 24-Hour opening, they agreed not to campaign against the smoking ban.

    The supermarkets realised the impact this would have and started determined promotions of alcoholic drinks, both for smokers staying home and for clubbers to pre-load to save on the high club prices.

    Thirdly, the Pub-Cos decided that they were really property companies and figured that, if they could render the less-profitable pubs unfeasible, they would close and then get planning permission to optimise the land value in the (then) booming property market.

    That last one was the key to permitting the smoking ban – the Pub-Cos spreadsheets said that they would make more money, so the smokers and drinkers didn’t count. The drinks industry was happy because they still got the volume through the supermarkets.

    Only when the property market crashed, did the master-plan crumble. But still the honourable smokers have been left out in the cold (literally) or staying home.

    The only way to recover the pubs is to repeal the smoking ban, this will recover trade and enable industry, landlords, staff and Pub-Cos to get back to the real world and not the fantasy spreadsheets which dictated the last 5 years.

  222. 222
    Anonymous says:

    Does that mean a cop on duty can only enter a pub by invitation of the publican or with a court order?

  223. 223
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Interesting thought. The part of SW London where I live is reasonably affluent but with some estates. The 6 pubs in the area can be broken down as follows:

    1 outright gastro pub
    1 large fairly non-descript pub which has bands, theatre and a club upstairs to distinguish itself
    1 rugger bugger tyoe pub fuelled by sports broadcasting
    1 sporty type pub with pool tables catering for a football crowd
    1 largish pub which becomes clubby at night catering for middle market – not really the fighting vomiting types we all abhor
    1 scumbag pub with regular fights and police visits

    The scumbag pub serves a useful function as it effortlessly attracts the lowlife of the area with cheap booze (relatively), the promise of like minded company and, for the more aggressive, the chance of a fight. This means they are not in pubs I like to use.

    No pubs in the area have closed in the 5 years I have lived here

    There are many trendy bars in the area – these seem to have proliferated all over SW London at the expense of pubs – certainly when I lived a couple of miles away they had forced a couple of pubs to close and another couple to become bars rather than pubs. I would love to see the figures for bar openings over the last 3 years as it might make interesting reading.

    Miliband is still a twat

  224. 224
    David Miliband says:

    sounds great

    have you got any tactical nuclear bananas?

  225. 225
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Still, the Kennedys did used to go on about being Irish, didn’t they? And Reagan and Bush always boasted about their Moronian heritage.

  226. 226
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    The Laffer curve is a myth Postlethwaite. Don’t let me catch you smoking that funny stuff again or you’ll be up before the Head.

  227. 227
    Anonymous says:

    Are you serious?

  228. 228
    Anonymous says:

    They’re full of scummy chavs.

  229. 229
    Anonymous says:

    Very few. It’s why the Calais booze supermarkets are shutting down at a rate of knots. Not enough business.

  230. 230
    Drinking classes says:

    The smoking ban was the best thing to happen in the last 13 years. I know a lot of drinkers who used to avoid smoky pubs and now like to vist their local. The old smokers simply light up outside.
    The reason pubs are not surviving is that they have high fixed costs (rent, rates, staff etc). Many of these costs are also pretty high (eg my local pays over £1000 per month for Sky). These costs, plus the level of tax on booze of course affects prices and makes an evening in the pub a pretty expensive exercise. Most people are willing to pay up maybe once a week, but if you want to go pubbing 3 or 4 times per week (or more), then you are running up quite a serious bill.
    Visiting the local every day, which used to happen in the good old days, is not affordable unless you can make a shandy last the evening!

  231. 231
    Chris Huhne (aka Mr Strapon-tup-bum) says:

    Pubs went down hill when women were allowed in. The smell from the filthy creatures is appalling. The stench of their rotting holes puts you right off your beer.

  232. 232
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Guido, if you have any evidence that the smoking ban is killing pubs, I’d be interested to see it, but I very much doubt you have any.

    What is killing pubs is partly the recession, partly silly cheap prices for supermarket booze, and partly the way the whole brewing industry works.

  233. 233
    Realist says:

    World health organisation studies found that PIPE smokers live longer than non-smokers!
    That means that there is no significant risk from passive smoking, you pathetic twit.
    Smoke would sure cover the stench of your B.O.

  234. 234
    Realist says:

    Being you is stinky and disgusting.

  235. 235
    LandLord says:

    Great we wouldn’t have to see your fat arse or listen to your inane drivel, smokers are on the whole much more interesting than non-smokers. When i hear them whining about passive smoking i simply ask if they walk down the high street with a face mask on, no? then fcuk off. Although by your name im guessing its a flaming pisstake!

  236. 236

    Yes, every publican is fully entitled to refuse entry to a policeman (I lived in a pub for 12 years and the police would always ask permission before looking around the building during opening hours). Of course, it would wind them up and they’d object to his licence, but they have no ‘right’ to enter – it’s private property, you see?

  237. 237
    Bigoted Brit says:

    Good points. Nulab’s undemocratic smoking ban has done to the traditional pubs what the Beeching report did for branch-line railways.

  238. 238
  239. 239

    Err … Miliband’s lot put them there

  240. 240
    Bigoted Brit says:

    Makes my blood fucking boil when I see old men standing outside a British Legion club. Little tossy fucking twats like Miliband would do well to remember the sacrifices made by that vanishing generation and treat them with the respect they deserve.

    No, instead, nulabor nonces served a socialist denormalisation experiment on them. Because the sisterhood knows best.

  241. 241
    Bigoted Brit says:

    No, it’s the ban that’s stopped me going.

    And it’s the ban that has closed my two favourite music pubs, where I used to earn a crust.

  242. 242
    I Fucking Loathe Felines says:

    Cats do far more damage than foxes. Where I live they kill birds, frogs, toads and newts. The best feline cure is lead from a pump action 12 bore. Even a hard-working renard can only take one cat at a time.

  243. 243
    Bigoted Brit says:

    You don’t, wanker. The smokers pay for yours.

  244. 244
  245. 245
    john miller says:

    Typical cynical post by Guido.

    Many’s the time I’ve seen Milliband swigging back his pint of heavy (Tonic and Lime edition) in the Labour heartlands.

    Who could fail to warm to the badinage between this member of the Labour aristocracy and the electorate he represents and who unfailingly ensured we were blessed with Labour governments in the UK.

    “I say chaps, any chance of a tonic and lime?” would quip young Dave.

    “Aye”, would come the response, “See you down the sleds later then?”

    “Wha wha wha” would be Dave’s response, resulting in wild cheering from his assembled collegiate.

    Carried away on their shoulders after closing time, young Dave would tempt them with the pretend drop of the kit, only for several armed officers to get in their pre-emptive strike and restore the king to the throne.

    Labour, working for you. Sort of.

  246. 246
    Bigoted Brit says:

    “…a red-herring to blame the smoking-ban…”

    Is it? Pub-closures:

    2004: 478
    2005: 102
    2006: 216
    2007: 1,409
    2008: 1,973
    2009: 2,365

  247. 247
    I Hate New Labour says:

    Yes it is.

    The British Beer & Pub Association blame people staying at home (

    No mention of the smoking ban there. The proportion of the population who smoke is not large enough to have caused this (around 20%).

  248. 248
    Mercian says:

    Pubs used to thrive in recessions. Now they don’t. Bring back smoking.

  249. 249

    Err, the BBPA blamed the ban for closures before and after its inception.

    With uncanny accuracy too.

  250. 250
    Mr A says:

    Further to the stats posted by Dick Puddlecote….

    Ireland’s experience (from: The Vintners’ Federation of Ireland) – This was back in the Celtic Tiger days, remember, way before the recession. “Volume on-sales, having risen from 1990 to 2000, fell slightly between 2001 and 2003, but then fell significantly in 2004 [the year the ban was introduced]. There were significant job losses in the hospitality industry in 2004, despite a growth in jobs in the broader economy. Rural areas have seen significant numbers of pub closures—as many as 500 in the Republic of Ireland as a whole. The VFI believes that the ban on smoking has been a major contributory factor.”

    Scotland – again, their ban came in in 2006, a long time before the recession kicked in – “The British Beer and Pub Association, whose Scottish wing represents almost one-third of the 5200 public houses north of the border, said that across the UK as a whole five pubs a day closed during the first half of this year [2008].

    The research by market researcher CGA Strategy shows that closure rates are up 33% from the 27 closures a week in 2007, nine times faster than in 2006 and 18 times faster than in 2005.”

    Then of course there are the other figures which speak for themselves (BBPA):

    UK Pub Closures –

    2004: 478
    2005: 102
    2006: 216
    2007: 1,409 Ban intoduced in July.
    2008: 1,973
    2009: 2,365

    Or the ban that was overturned in Bulgaria and Geneva due to 75% drops in trade (which then miraculously recovered when the ban was repealed) or even the pubs in this country that tried to use a loophole to become “smoking research centres” and in the week they allowed smoking saw profits increase 500%.

    Nah, it’s cheap supermarket booze, really, not the ban. After all, prior to 2007 supermarkets were famed for selling expensive booze, weren’t they?

  251. 251
    Anti-hypocrite says:

    We care about your country life as much as you care about smoking in pubs. That is, not a lot.

    We used to care but got fed up with arrogant self-serving hypocrites.

    Geddit, yet?

  252. 252
    Cardinal del Monte says:

    The smoking ban is the drinks trade’s short-term alibi for its long-term decline, the reason for which is the price of their drinks. This is because they have to make profits for their owners, the national pub-chains. An individually-owned pub can just tick over, making a living for its landlord and his family, and no more.

    I can’t imagine any government acting to break up the chains, so the decline will continue.

  253. 253
    M.E.B.S. says:

    We “repulsive cretins” would fare much better if our tobacco revenue was used FOR SMOKERS ONLY by the NHS. (So far I cost the NHS 1 sports injury and 1 set of varicose veins) – yet I pay not only my monthly contribution I also pay an extortionate amount of additional tax when buying my -much loved- CIGARETTES!

    I guess you could try and fart in my face – ONCE only……

  254. 254
    M.E.B.S. says:


  255. 255
    M.E.B.S. says:

    Could not agree more with Bigoted Brit!!!

    I often wonder what soldiers do when they come back alive from e.g. Iraque and Afghanistan and find themselves stood in a pub door with a pint and a cigarette…. Or, are they used to it as there is a smoking ban on the front line?????
    Mr. Miliband, since your party embraced the ASH nonsense – please explain if the smoking ban does apply to these soldiers who spent whatever little “spare” time they have in a tent…….

  256. 256
    M.E.B.S. says:

    “Smokers should be subjected to regular flogging and terms of incarceration until they quit revolting habit”.

    Go on, try it!!! It’ll take weeks before you can take solid food again.

  257. 257
    M.E.B.S. says:

    about 2000 years ago – and probably earlier, Batty. Just get informed before typing…..
    Currently you lot are trying your luck on eugenics – pretty badly.

  258. 258
    M.E.B.S. says:

    “decent ordinary, people” …….. How about “full-of-ASH-stupid-people-propaganda” as a screen name?

    Can I take it that you cannot afford to buy cigarettes here in this country, + 3 holidays/year in any place you wish to visit as I do?? Poor person…..

    You are a pityful creature.

  259. 259
    Junican says:

    Yes, you have every right to fart in peoples’ faces. At least you have the benefit of no law forcing you outside to fart. If you try hard enough, you could probably fart in your own face as well.
    I do not believe that miserable gits like you go to pubs – nobody in their right mind would have anything to do with you.

  260. 260

    Wrong again.

    The BBPA blamed the smoking ban before and after its inception. With uncanny accuracy too.

    Good selective googling there, though. :)

  261. 261
    Dig for Victory says:

    More and more like G. Orwell imagined, a government provider of our alcohol dosage.

    Two minutes hate is not far away. Who will get the contract? Syco?

  262. 262
    Bigoted Brit says:

    That article does mention the ban, albeit only once and in passing.

    One of the pubs [landlocked, limited outdoor-space] I used to play gave me their figures. A consistent 22% drop from July 07 until closure 18 months on. Others report similar – one l/lord [village pub, free house and possibly my favourite real community pub ever] just retired. His pipesmoke was every bit as much part of the experience there as the log-fire. The smoking ban was the nail for him – no interest in serving beer to be consumed outside in a Mc. Pub.

    So no matter what diversions the BBPA may come up with [to appease Pubcos who want to cash-in on the redevelopments?], for a sector of the hospitality industry, the ban has been devastating. That sector being what may be thought of as the charming/traditional/unpretentious parts of the market.

    Smokers may only be +/- a fifth of the overall population, but of the pub-going adult category, they were rather more numerous; hence the impact as sales transferred to off-sales. It’s always been cheaper in Tesco – but a pub should be able to offer its patrons a comfortable environment in which to socialise. Choice – and respecting the rights of business-owners to decide such things for themselves… what’s wrong with that?

  263. 263
    Junican says:

    No, Batty Hattie. Smoking indoors (public) has been banned for 3 years now. You must be smelling something else. May I suggest either your own BO or whatisname’s farts?

  264. 264
    Junican says:

    Right BB. How can Milly not be aware of these facts? Shows that his noise is just propaganda to get himself elected leader of the………what is it called now? Is it the New-Labour-Ladies- Crèche Party? I think my constituency’s new Labour MP, a name like Quereshe, or something, should stand. At least she has guts. She has just received her third (or fourth) 3 penalty points (now up to 12 – disqualification) for driving while using a mobile! She obviously doesn’t give a toss about laws. Why should we?

  265. 265
    Junican says:

    I think that the BBPA dare not say anything else for fear of driving away the few customers (non-smokers – not anti-smokers since they are so WORRIED about their health that they would never dream of going to a pub) that they have left. Again, just a bit of publicity speak. Ignore it.

  266. 266
    Bigoted Brit says:

    Oh sure, selling amusingly-entitulated microbeer at headline-hungry prices should pep up the wanker-footfall an iota.

    But if their £40 beer is anything like as shit as their amusingly-marketed IPA that J Sainsbury sell, I don’t think the acquaintance would last.

  267. 267
    Cassandra King says:

    Of course you yourself offer no proof to back up your own case do you? Funny that!

    We know for a cold hard fact that the governments fascist anti smoking crusade destroyed thousands of pubs, no punters no pub, petty laws made by petty bureaucrats based on made up science and enforced by jobsworth bullies.
    All the real pubs and working mens clubs closed down right after the draconian laws were introduced and yet you fail to see the direct connection? Funny that!

  268. 268
    Grimy Miner says:

    I brought one back once, fucking horrible it was, and just where did those diced carrots come from?

  269. 269
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    I think you’re confusing “evidence” with “opinion”

  270. 270
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Happy to offer proof if you want it.

    Try Scollo et al, Tob Control 2003;12:13-20 for a start.

  271. 271
    Anonymous says:

    “Tobacco Control”?

    Impartial publication I take it, with no agenda?

  272. 272
    ButcombeMan says:

    Guido got this wrong, he gets a lot things right but what has really killed pubs is the pubcos and sham pubcos, Enterprise, Punch, Green King etc.

    They have massively overpaid for their estate based in many cases on residential property prices and often on borrowed money. Their rents to tenant landlords are too high. Too often, they overcharge landlords for wet supplies and insist they are bought through the pubco (wet rent that is known as). Again, too often they forbid local beers. The price of beer in these houses is ridiculous and drives drinkers (and eaters) away.

    The Greene King share price I notice has just about halved while I have been watching them. They paid more than twice what my local pub was worth as a business and consequently everyone that tries to make a go of it struggles.

    The way to fight back is to ensure you drink, “less travelled ale”. If possible in a really “Free House” or at least one owned by an enlightened Brewery.

  273. 273
    chris says:

    As a non smoker I dont want the legislation to be changed back I also dont think it is that which is killing pubs, people still drink at my local may be it is it the cost of the drinks and the cuts we are experiencing!!!

  274. 274
    I haven't been down the pub since July 2007 says:

    It’s not your choice you don’t own the pub.
    The bans walks roughshod on ideals of private property.
    If choice was returned to pubs, which ones would be the most full I wonder ?

  275. 275
    I Hate New Labour says:


    About 20% of over 16’s smoke, hence 80% do not.

    Are you seriously saying that the 20% make up the vast majority of pub goers?

    Blame the smoking ban all you like, it’s not the reason. Comments on your own rabid pro-smoking blog have advised you of this, I suggest you accept maybe it’s not as black and white as you’d like to simplistically see it…

    Increased taxes, cheap supermarket booze and the recession have hit pubs. End of discussion.

  276. 276
    Non smoker says:

    I agree.

    If you’re stupid enough to kill yourself with fags that’s up to you, but don’t inflict your foul habit on me.

    Here’s a tip smokers: halitosis is not an attractive quality.

  277. 277
    Bigoted Brit says:


    “End of discussion”

    You are Diane Abbott and I claim end-of-discussion.

  278. 278
    Melanie Melonzache says:

    “Here’s a tip smokers: halitosis is not an attractive quality”

    No and do you know what? I’m pretty sensitive to bad-breath and I can tell you that never have I got the stale-gas smell from a smoker.

    This is because tobacco-smoke is a natural antiseptic. Yes! Evil Nasty Tobacco, as invented by Evil Big Tobacco Inc [for whom I am just a shill, naturally] does actually have some positive qualities and health-benefits. [You will dismiss any such evidences, however strong, whilst continuing to believe the orthodoxy on passive-smoking that has grown up as cover for the social-exclusion campaign being waged by the lovely truthful publicly-funded anti-smoking “charities”, who have no financial links with NRT suppliers such as GSK and Novartis whatsoever.

    Anyway, what you are most likely confusing for halitosis-smell is actually burnt-tobacco smell. A few minutes after extinguishing the cig/ar, this smell reduces significantly.

    Each to their own though. Personally, I can’t stand the smell of eggs or garlic, so wouldn’t want to get too close to a non-smoking foodie – but because I’m not a socialist or any other sub-branch of fascist, I don’t seek to ban the consumption of things I don’t like in places I need never go.

    So there’s a tip or two for you, too.

  279. 279
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Read the paper, then make your own mind up about who’s pushing an agenda.

  280. 280

    He’s just like the rest of them. A bunch of bored lawmakers sucking our tax money!!!!

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