July 26th, 2010

Gordon’s “I Was Right” Out in November

Gordon Brown’s as-yet-untitled tome on why he was right about everything and the nasty Tories got the global financial crisis all wrong will be published in November by Simon & Schuster. The fact all the profits will be donated to charity does not excuse the fact the taxpayer will be picking up the tab while Gordon taps the keys.

He is said to be churning out some 10,000 words per day, while moonlighting as a part-time MP. Despite popping into Westminster occasionally, he has entered the House he was elected to just twice since resigning as Prime Minister. Without a Member voting on their behalf, the people of Kirkcaldy are completely disenfranchised.

Gordon told Laura Kuenssberg at the weekend that he will remain an MP, but what use is he to his constituents?


284 Comments

  1. 1
    paid for nothing says:

    2 votes?…thats two more than Lady Hermon.

    Like

    • 8

      Gordon, speaking from his local constituency of Uganda is upset that less than 1% of Africa has access to broadband. A quick look at my junkmail folder tells me this is a GOOD thing.

      Like

      • 27
        The Man who came in from the all Women Shortlist says:

        Leaked transcript of recent telephone conversation.

        “Ah Mr Brown thank you for calling and yes I can confirm we have received your application for the non contested position of Supreme President of Africa.

        Yes I have read it and your CV is indeed very impressive, you appear to have saved the world and brought an end to poverty in the UK.

        I am just waiting for some references from your former colleagues but Im sure this will be just a formality …..hold on something coming through on the fax…..yes they have arrived and just casting my eyes over them…….emmm…….errrr…….actually that position has now been filled would you consider a position with our online marketing teams ???”

        Like

        • 217
          D-Anne Abbbbottt says:

          GOT ME SOME JERK CHICKEN AND I IZ SHARING! HEAR ME NOW- JOIN ME IN HACKNEY FIELDS @{PM BLOODZ!

          BOOOOOYAKA BOOOOOOYAKA! (no batty boyz, sorry Michael u rasclaart)

          Like

      • 179
        Mrs Duffy says:

        There’s a man in Nigeria who has emailed me and is trying to be very helpful with my bank account; is he a friend of Gordon by any chance.

        Like

        • 250
          Anonymous says:

          Careful my dear If you believe he has your interests at heart you’ll also fall prey to a Milliband !

          Like

    • 11
      A Liberal says:

      That a swipe at Lady Sylvia Hermon? One of the best MP’s in the UK and one of the few true independents left? I don’t think you will find her constituents complaining if she’s getting things done for them instead. Annoyed as she whipped the parachuted in Tory Boy?

      Like

      • 187
        PaXO says:

        If Hermon can do a good job by not turning up maybe Brown can do better jobbies by turning up two times more?

        Like

      • 272
        paid for nothing says:

        One of the best MPs my arse. She hasnt voted once, nor made 1 contribution in the chamber. She didnt even turn up for NI questions, never mind PMQs.
        She’s worse than Sinn Fein. At least they are up front about not representing their constituents in Parliament.

        Like

    • 26
      Kirkcaldy should hang its head in shame. says:

      Who gives a shit about the people of Kirkcaldy ? These twats are the ones responsble for inflicting Gordon on on this Nation and driving it straight into financial ruin.

      Disenfranchisement is far too good for them.

      Like

      • 85
        Can’t remember my moniker says:

        A very good argument in itself. But why should the taxpayer have to pay the cost of his not working? The unemployment benefit rate should be the maximum he should be getting – and only if he is prepared to take another job if one becomes available: sweeping streets, petrol forecourt attendant, window cleaner.

        Like

        • 106
          Anonymous says:

          “petrol forecourt attendant”? Which planet are you living on?

          Like

          • Can’t remember my moniker says:

            You should get out more, they still exist, especially in Scotland, the area of the subject of discussion.

            Like

          • Can’t remember my moniker says:

            And you wouldn’t want to put him behind the till, with his record, would you?

            Like

        • 258
          Peter Carter-Fuck says:

          Window licker, more like.

          Seriously though, ten thousand words a day? I can just imagine his bitten fingernails bashing away at the poor old keyboard, ream after ream of paper churning out of the printer:

          “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

          I’d advise Sarah to lock up the axes, except she’s hundreds of miles away enjoying the delights of Lesbos with her gal pals. Good move girlfriend.

          Like

        • 262
          davemcwish says:

          Petrol forecourt attendant ? As long as he stays in Jockland. Here in Essex there’s been enough theives running them without the need for Gordo.

          Like

      • 141
        Mr and Mrs 'Satisfied' from Essex says:

        take the entire root crunching population of kirkcaldy and send them to Uganda with Gordon his household, relatives and the bearded one.

        Like

      • 230
        Gordon is writing in crayon says:

        As bad as Kirkcaldy is, you should see Cowdenbeath.

        The best view of it is from the open bomb bay, as the bomb falls.

        Like

        • 263
          Brown is not a Fifer, he was born in Glasgow says:

          Have you ever been in the toilets at Central Park. Scary stuff

          Like

        • 284
          I Just LOVE Fife In The Winter says:

          As bad as Cowdenbeath is, you should see Lochgelly.

          The best view of it is from the still open bomb bay after the bombs have landed.

          Like

      • 281
        snotgobbler says:

        I want kirkcaldy to be the islamic banking capital of the world.

        Like

  2. 2
    NBeale says:

    Plenty of material for comedy in this book: perhaps Gordon and Lembit could do a double act. “another fine mess ” could be the catchphrase

    Like

  3. 3
    Engineer says:

    Poor Laura K, having to deal with the Mentalist. Hope she recovers.

    Like

  4. 4
    paid for nothing says:

    read that again…0 votes…thats the same as Lady Hermon.

    Like

    • 15
      A Liberal says:

      An independent why would she vote on issues that she cant affect? Its much beeter to spend your time with your constituents instead. Gerry Adams hasnt voted once ever, he’s still a popular MP with a busy constituency office…

      Like

  5. 5
    Al says:

    The suppliers of toilet rolls in motorway service stations and all night kebab houses up and down the country will jump with joy at all the money they’ll save down the cash and carry.

    Like

  6. 6
    JUST A THOUGHT ! says:

    10,000 words a day ? he must be getting through some crayons !

    Like

  7. 7
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    If the book is anything like his speeches it will be long, tedious, full of erroneous statistics and just plain lying.

    Hopefully the useless shitbag won’t be able to find a publisher – who the hell is going to want to read it.

    Like

  8. 10
    Ratsniffer says:

    “but what use is he to his constituents?”

    As much use as wiping your arse on clingfilm during a dysentery outbreak.

    Like

    • 13
      Everard P Burgerpenis says:

      As much use as a blob machine in the Vatican

      Like

      • 173
        The Man who came in from the all Women Shortlist says:

        As much use as ID cards to stop Terrorism

        Like

        • 215
          Sammi J says:

          As much use as the blob machine (5 bellies remember?) trying to use ID cards to stop terrorism?

          (In fact the blob machine was so useless RT resorted to TelevisionX the most excellent television station for documentaries and former Big Brother contestants)

          Like

      • 222
        Anonymous says:

        By that, do you mean a condom dispensing machine in the Vatican but you might not seen the furor in the red tops about gay “priests” there may be trouble ahead in Roman Catholicism if they are not made available.

        Like

  9. 12
    MG says:

    If only Brown had not bothered to come into parliament before, we could have avoided so much national destruction. It’s worth every penny paying Brown to mooch around at home.

    Like

    • 25
      Engineer says:

      Smacks a bit of Protection Money, though, doesn’t it? We’ll pay you a handsome salary if you promise to stop ruining our country.

      If you failed to turn up at work, telling your employer that you wanted the time to write a book, would they be pleased to keep paying you?

      Like

      • 42
        The Man who came in from the all Women Shortlist says:

        I didnt bother going into work last month as I wanted to do some writing, go for walks in the country and enjoy the World Cup. My diciplinary hearing is next week.

        Like

  10. 14
    Backwoodsman says:

    “the people of Kirkcaldy are completely disenfranchised” , if only, if only !

    Like

  11. 16
    Bernie The Bolt says:

    Time for the crosshairs.

    Like

  12. 17
    A Liberal says:

    Guido I suspect you think your on to a winner with this continous update on Broon, your really not. You know full well that votes in the chamber mean jack as regards measuring a persons ablity as an MP, for all you know he’s spending every day meeting constituents and addressing their problems.

    Also Broon has represented them x100000 by getting them the bloody contract on those carriers so unless they get cut (and sections are already being construced as we speak) I dont think the people will complain too much. Brown is many things, I dislike him intensly myself but I wouldn’t call him workshy.

    Like

    • 56
      I use the red flag as toilet paper says:

      I wouldn’t call him workshy.
      A deluded thieving Scotch Hunt yes.

      Like

    • 60
      Unsworth says:

      ‘Your’

      FFS another State Education Victim – and apparently an apostrophe bereft Liberal, too.

      It’s all Brown’s fault.

      Like

    • 76
      AC1 says:

      Is that a classic liberal or embarrassed marxist?

      Like

    • 115
      Salmondnet says:

      You seriously think the carriers are ging to get built? Now that’d Liberal optimism.

      Like

      • 255
        A Liberal says:

        Nope it’s financial reality, it will cost more to cancel them than to build them at a lower spec. Just you wait, we will get one full carrier and one very expensive helicopter carrier as well then scrap HMS Ocean.

        As for the abuse about the “your” typo, get a life I’m typing on a blog whilst at work if I make a mistake so be it. The instant state edukashin drivel is so pathetic, if its Browns fault I’m about 15 years old right now. I wish I was but I’m a bit older than that!

        Like

        • 275
          Unsworth says:

          “I’m a bit older than that!”

          Doesn’t look it. Any evidence? And, more importantly, are you any wiser than that? See, you seem to think ripping off your employer (assuming you’re employed) is a good enough reason for illiteracy, and if you’re self-employed one wonders about the quality of your output.

          After all, are you interested in communicating ideas accurately or merely spouting unintelligible drivel as a means of catharsis? Either is perfectly OK of course, just make up what passes for your mind as to which you prefer to do. Then we can make our minds up as to whether to read your comments – or simply pass you by.

          And yes, I am a pretentious, pompous git – but I recognise that fact, and my many other deficiencies.

          Like

  13. 18
    Selohesra says:

    So looks like the dross the US have as their political elite have suceeded in hounding out BP’s CEO in order to pander to their own electorate by appearing to be tough on a ‘British’ oil firm – lets hope Dave shows some spirit by giving him a knighthood or peerage – and perhaps make those yanks realise they do not rule the world.

    Like

    • 35
      Mr Bubba Redneck of Trailor Park says:

      Nah you listen to me you goddam cocksuckin limeys, Ay-dolph wus gonna whup your ass in the war, til we stepped in an’ saved your butts. And don’t you never ferget it.

      Like

      • 44
        Anonymous says:

        The Yanks came into the War because the realised that The Nazis were on the verge of developing the Bomb. They had to enter to give them the opportunity to develop it themselves and use it to put out a message.Thats why they came in.

        Like

        • 48
          Mr Bubba Redneck of Trailor Park says:

          Guddang pinko commie prevert! The US of A saved the world.

          Like

        • 88
          Talwin says:

          FFS. Hitler declared war on the Yanks.

          Like

          • Dick the Prick says:

            Think the Japs had a say in the matter too

            Like

          • dreck says:

            It’s the skewed, fucked up way that socialists are brought up to see the world, a bit like being the love child of Jo Brand and Eddie Izzard.

            Like

          • Semanics for every occassion says:

            You dont need to declare war to be at war after all we never declared war on the Argies did we ? I seem to recall it was in fact not a war but a conflict or even a bloody good argument but War?, No.

            Like

          • Movie Quotes for every occassion says:

            You cant handle the Truth !

            Like

        • 194
          Anonymous says:

          Crap. The Nazis were never on the verge of developing the bomb. Partly because they had lost all their Jewish scientists, e.g. Frisch and Peierls.

          Like

        • 223
          Phil says:

          The yanks came in because Adolph, in his wisdom,declared war on them in support of his jap mates.If Germany had not declared war on America the US would certainly not have joined the allies until they had knocked off the yellow peril first.

          Like

    • 46
      Blue Lady says:

      Totally agree. Tony Haywood has been treated disgracefully by the Yanks. They’ve blamed him for everything without one word said against the American companies who were equally responsible if not more so. As with a lot of things with the Americans, everything is one sided. Not one word has been said in America to correct Dave Cam’s gaffe as the Americans truly do believe they ‘saved out ass’ in ww2 even though they sat on the sidelines for the first half making a fortune out of this country in the process. Icing on the cake would be for Tony Haywood to receive a peerage or something but it won’t happen – we don’t want to upset the Americans do we?

      Like

      • 59
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        While we’re at it.

        I wonder what would have happened to new york in 1940 if it was within a few hundred miles of germany by land.

        Like

      • 62
        Anonymous says:

        The Al Megrahi case certainly is a controversial topic but the Yanks take the biscuit when they claim that it had anything to do with BP.

        An American senator making such claims was asked in a tv interview if he had any actual evidence that BP were involved in anyway shape or form in this deal. He replied “No” but demanded that Alex Salmond attend to be quizzed about this.

        This is blatant grandstanding and probably a smoke and mirrors attempt to cover up the complicity of the Americans in the real reason for this decision. Salmond has been played like a fiddle on this one.

        Like

        • 73
          The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

          Nice to see that Alex and his Scotchland politicians have said they saw no need to attend these senate hearings.

          Perhaps they should have been a little bit more forthright, as only an angry Scotsman can be.

          By my reckoning the senate hearings should be held in Salem.

          Like

          • Dick the Prick says:

            Could be worse, Trafigura got fined £840k by a Dutch Court and Union Carbide were sternly told off – brutal.

            Like

      • 65
        Unsworth says:

        Well he’s getting a reasonable payoff, and BP are to put a Yank in his place – which is a very good tactical move. Falling on swords is part of the Business Game, if not the Political Game. Hayward knows that.

        Anyway, now we Brits can blame the Americans for any weakness in BP’s share price and dividend – and the resultant losses to pensions. It all started in America, don’t forget.

        Like

        • 207
          Toilet Paper says:

          Look! just put an end to this American / BP crap offer to send in George Galloway to put the BP case. No doubt on hearing this the yanks will all fuck off to the hills and hide.

          Like

      • 216
        Georgeous George says:

        They did not sit out the first half. They avoided the phoney war and got involved after being attacked by Japan and Germany declaring war on her. The people whose country stole (removed without paying for it) industrial plant from Ethiopia and moved it to Ceylon as it then was should pay more attention to history.

        Like

  14. 19
    lenko says:

    I’ve been a professional writer since I was 14, and I can tell you, an output of 10,000 words a day is going to be sheer, unadulterated CRAP.

    Off topic, I know, but you’ve read Mandy’s “book”… any mention in there of the photo that Geoffrey Robinson was supposed to have of “a senior Cabinet Minister” with a teenage boy?

    Just asking…

    Like

  15. 20
    Sarah Tweet (repeat) says:

    Gordon already back in UK so we get a family day today and then back to work again tomorrow – for both of us!

    http://twitter.com/SarahBrownUK

    Like

  16. 21
    Ratsniffer says:

    I Was Right

    Chapter 1 My early influences – Stalin.

    Chapter 2 NuLabour’s record tractor production stats

    Chapter 3 How I plundered and wrecked the pensions industry

    Chapter 4 How I blocked ideas for welfare reform

    Chapter 5 How I sold gold at the bottom of the market

    Chapter 6 It started in america

    Chapter 7 But I saved the world

    Chapter 8 The tories and lib dems fiddled the election

    Chapter 9 African Queen; a new start.

    Like

    • 24
      Sir William Waad says:

      Appendices I to CLXXIV Why that Tony so-called Blair is a scunner

      Appendices CLXXV to CCIII Why that Mandelson is an effing liar……..

      Like

    • 39
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      Chapter 10 – Hunt’s I have surrounded myself with – Balls, Whelan, Draper, Mandelson, McBride, Campbell, Nick Brown and Watson.

      Like

    • 51
      The Man who came in from the all Women Shortlist says:

      Will he include an appendix on his classic how to con your way through life article he wrote whilst at university.You know the one about taking free baths in Hotels and filling plastic bags with bricks when attending parties.

      Like

    • 142

      He’s getting more and more like Rick Myall in the young ones.

      “Listen to me everyone. Gather round and listen to me!”

      Like

  17. 22
    The Man who came in from the all Women Shortlist says:

    I will be expecting a free copy and a share in the profits ( if there are any) as I and the rest of the country paid for the writing of this book. It may make good Bog Roll or provide an instructive insight into the ravings of a madman.

    Like

  18. 23
    Sir William Waad says:

    If Gordon keeps writing at a rate of 10,000 words a day he will have excreted about 1,750,000 of the little darlings by November. That would be three and a half times the length of ‘War and Peace’. Curiously, Tolstoy was another grumpy old sod who thought he could change the world while mistreating everybody he met.

    Like

    • 84

      Ah, but Tolstoy was not a compulsive liar – he did have truth is his soul.

      There lies the difference.

      Like

    • 86
      Mr Plum says:

      Does he keep typing the same sentance over and over

      Like

      • 126
        Engineer says:

        It’s the right thing to do.

        Like

      • 164
        Amongymous says:

        Given his track record of dithering it is very believable that he’ll still be agonising over the first sentence and have rewritten it 1000 times a day to give the total of 10000. Really I’m impressed he hasn’t dithered so much over what cereal to have for breakfast that he can actually get started on writing/crayoning!

        Like

  19. 29
    Voice of Treason says:

    As much as I dislike Brown I do think this listing is ludicrous. There cannot be one MP in Britain who spends his or her time fully on their constituents and never does anything else. If Brown is writing 10,000 words a day that’s excellent, there aren’t many Daily Mail journalists who can manage that.

    So, good luck to your book Gordon Brown – and just ignore all these daft fuckers who are really only jealous.

    Like

    • 41
      Righty Right Wing (Mrs) says:

      He is not coming back Derek – time to suck up to someone else.

      Like

    • 65
      Gordon Brown says:

      If I can’t win I’m jolly well not going to play so THERE and I will go and SULK and you will all be SORRY.

      Like

    • 69
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      The point is that he is spending no time on representing his constituents just working on lining his pockets in true NuLab style. At least Blair had the grace to resign his seat before taking his poisonous cocktail of lies, shapeshifting and greed to “benefit” the international community rather than inflicting them on the UK.

      The only way Brown is going to sell any copies of this book is if he puts the boot into his perceived enemies like Blair and, it seems once again, Mandelson.

      The man is so tribal and self-obsessed though that is just going to be a long rant about “How I’m always right” and doing down the Tories.

      Like

      • 138
        Sir William Waad says:

        To be fair, Blair did an excellent job of bringing peace and reconciliation to the Middle East. One has to take one’s hat off to a fellow who can bring about a permanent settlement between the Arabs and Israelis as he did, while spreading secular democracy throughout the Arabian peninsula.

        Like

    • 90
      The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

      VoT, just stop and think of what you have said. Brown is responsible for an awful lot of really bad decisions that have caused problems for the people of this country, increasing lower rate tax for the lowest paid from 10% to 20% as one example.

      Because of him and his economic policies “we” are all having to tighten our belts and worry about our jobs. “We” are paying his salary but he is sitting at home writing his version of the truth. He is also swanning around in Africa. Er…. is this what the electorate pay him for?

      Like

    • 101
      Engineer says:

      A backbench MP is supposed to represent their constituents in the House of Commons and in the business of Parliament, and to scrutinise and hold the Government of the day to account for its actions and intentions. Brown is being paid a substantial sum from the public purse in salary and (presumably) expenses to do just that, and he plainly isn’t.

      If other MPs are discharging their elected obligations, and then find time to do other things as well, good luck to them. The point here is thet Brown is apparently giving NO time to the responsibilities he was elected to discharge.

      Like

      • 131
        Dick the Prick says:

        To be fair, most constituents problems should usuaaly be dealt with by Cllrs and they only see their MP because they’re idiots, whingers, lonely, delusional (err…perhaps Gordon’s interviewing himself!)

        Like

      • 139
        Disgruntled says:

        But it seems quite a few of the new intake of MPs are also ignoring their constituents’ requests for assistance and just partying or going on TV enjoying their 5 seconds of glory instead; Tessa Munt for one example.

        Like

      • 273
        paid for nothing says:

        Lady Hermon.

        Like

  20. 30
    Don Brennan's plastic surgeon says:

    Brown can write what he wants

    he will be remembered as a mincing stalinist jock arsehole

    Like

  21. 31
    Sarah of Canterbury says:

    Believe me, I’m more than happy to have him locked away all day in his study.

    Like

  22. 32
    Lateral Demigod says:

    What next: Gordon to appear of X factor singing ‘My Way’

    Like

  23. 33
    Ed Balls says:

    “I don’t pretend I am anything but an honest-to-God right-winger. Those are my views and I don’t care who knows ‘em.” – Ed Balls…

    Like

    • 72
      A Noo_Lie_Bore Apparatchik breaking off from his Monday morning survey of his stock ‘n bank accounts says:

      Ed, like all of us in Noo_Lie_Bore, possesses a very tenuous grasp of truth, and is able to lie and dissemble with ease.

      Like

  24. 40
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Obvious thing to say, I know – but this 10,000 words a day business is just a fucking lie. Why does everything Brown touch have to be surrounded by lies? Remember the stories about his Cape Cod holidays – always with a suitcase full of the heaviest economics textbooks? Bollocks.

    Like

    • 43
      Righty Right Wing (Mrs) says:

      Indeed Cato – are their that many thick marker pens in production that could withstand 10,000 words a day from McStalin?

      Like

    • 116
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      This is the man who wrote his PhD thesis at the rate of 4000 words per YEAR and all of a sudden can produce 10,000 words per DAY? The Tractor Factory Stats Dept is still operating then.

      Like

    • 277
      Norman Arse says:

      All his Cape Cod ‘holidays’ were for sodomy purposes. No doubt about it. The heavy suitcase would have contained various buttock creams.

      Like

  25. 45

    I was right. Yes, I was, I was. I am not mental and that’s all that counts.
    Some people said that I WAS mental and look at me, I’m writing 10,000 words a day, so I CANNOT be mental. My book will be better than Peter’s and Tony’s (who ARE MENTAL). My book will show that I was the best Prime Minister since Rudyard Kipling and definitely NOT mental.
    Also I have started taking different pills, which although they make me quake with anger, stop me from smashing my computer up. Which is fortunate.
    Oh, and did I mention? I AM NOT MENTAL!

    Like

  26. 50
    I use the red flag as toilet paper says:

    “What is he good for……Absolutely nothing”…..
    “say it again”
    “What is he good for……Absolutely nothing”…..
    “say it again”
    “What is he good for……Absolutely nothing”…..
    “say it again”
    “What is he good for……Absolutely nothing”…..

    Like

  27. 52
    not me guv says:

    “Without a Member voting on their behalf, the people of Kirkcaldy are completely disenfranchised.”

    Does that make us all disenfranchised for the next two months during the recess?

    Like

    • 55
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Agree with the sentiment and raise you one:

      Many MPs are useless sods who just turn up and vote as they are told.
      A balloon with a face drawn on would serve the same purpose.

      Like

      • 199
        Desert Rat says:

        A balloon would be far to intelligent to be subjected to the average HoC debate. It would be deflated in no time

        Like

  28. 54
    Anonymous says:

    all the profits will be donated to charity … presumably Sarah Brown’s charity.

    Like

  29. 63
    Alice in Sunderland says:

    Like

  30. 67
    Gordon Brown Fan Club says:

    What use is David Laws to either the coalition or his constituents ?

    Like

    • 91
      Anonymous says:

      he makes the yeovil carrot-crunchers feel all cosmopolitan and big city………with his sopihisticated lying and greek practices…..

      Like

    • 140
      Anonymous says:

      “Gordon Brown Fan Club”

      It must get lonely being the only member.

      Like

  31. 68
    Gorgon Brhoon, the Pontificating Loon, of London Toon says:

    Ah SAV’D tha’ wuld!!

    Ah RULE tha’ wuld!!

    Ah doo!

    Like

  32. 75
    Paddy says:

    Guido, this is pretty much an overreaction.

    The man is completely useless and his constituency is surely the best place for him.

    His constituency has been in a technical recession for over 30 years. It is a dreary place suffering from a total lack of local enterprise and gumption. The main street looks shabby beyond description and the outskirts are unimaginably drab. The place has gone from being an industrial city of hard-working prosperous capitalists to a post industrial slag-heap where the largest industry is state sponsored social work. This is required, because the place is such an utter hell hole. This place is a self-perpetuating bastion of socialist-created mediocrity, poverty and depression.

    As such, Gordon Brown is perfect to represent the people’s wishes up there. Since the place is beyond hope anyway, Gordon does a better thing to avoid putting across the wishes of his horrid constituents and thus give them a chance at prosperity through hard work.

    Like

    • 89
      Down with Brown! says:

      A padded cell is the best place for him.

      Like

    • 96
      Peter Grimes says:

      So are you saying that Kirkaldy was McMong’s model for the whole of the UK?

      Can’t be, because they are probably all white up there, with red veins on their noses!

      Like

    • 137

      You can all laugh but Paddy has just copied and pasted that from their tourist board brochure.

      Like

    • 167
      Anonymous says:

      Agreed many Scottish cities were once engines of industry , commerce and enterprise. They are mostly now dependent on the state for their employment. Thats what years of Labour rule has achieved and yet, …..and yet they still vote for them !!!!

      Like

      • 239
        All Lib Dem's are tosspots says:

        I really can’t understand why anyone does vote Labour. They must be utterly deluded mongs.

        Like

    • 278
      HenryV says:

      They are not outskirts. I think they are called kilts or somethinkin’.

      Like

  33. 78
    Ellie Gellard says:

    Ed Balls MP – “I’ve fucking well never been a bloody front runner in this shitty campaign” and “I am behind and fucking well proud of it” but in it to fucking well come last you snivelling bastards

    Like

    • 83
      Comical Ali says:

      And – you fuckin’ ignorant lot of fuckin’ pig ignorant fuckin’ bastards, – just fuckin’ well buy my fuckin’ book willyer!!

      Carry on Ed me ol’ fuckin’ mucker!

      Like

      • 119
        Yvette NoName says:

        Indeed, just like in football, the team at the bottom is the strongest because it’s holding all the others up!!

        Go Balls Go!!

        Like

  34. 82
    Dack Blog says:

    I hope we’re not going to be subjected to Gordon’s ugly mush gurning at us from the side of the thread once the Great Tome is out. Mandy and Bliar has been punishment enough. (‘The Journey’??? Pretentious tosser. Or he’s been watching ‘reaity/talent’ telly).

    Like

    • 165
      The Man who came in from the all Women Shortlist says:

      To be fair I think he is refering to “The Journey from Socialist to multi millionaire”

      I believe John Prescott is writng a tome to be part of the “Journey” series as in The Journey from “Shop Steward to Baron”, you can see a common theme developing cant you !

      Like

  35. 87
    I like discussing Uganda with Laura says:

    I wonder of a suitable title for the book could be “Gordonghast” , part of the fantasy genre series of books by Mervyn Peake Gormenghast ?

    Like

  36. 97
    Ellie Gellard says:

    Is Ed Balls’ sister really called Ophelia?

    Like

  37. 98
  38. 99
    Down with Brown! says:

    Out in November? It’s the perfect Christmas present for people you hate. They’ll be cursed!!!!

    Like

  39. 102
    Mrs Duffy says:

    David Miliband 4 labour Leader.

    The endorsement came after he went to visit Mrs Duffy at her home for a chat. The gran said: “He’s a really nice man and obviously very intelligent but also down to earth. I think he would be a great Prime Minister.” She added: “I felt David really listened to my points of view and shared my concerns on the issues that matter to working people.”

    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/07/26/bigotgate-gillian-i-am-backing-david-115875-22440576/

    Like

    • 186
      Desert Rat says:

      Fucking bigot

      Like

      • 240
        All Lib Dem's are tosspots says:

        Fucking DELUDED bigot. You would have thougt Mrs ‘Duffers’ would have learned her lesson after Gordo – all Labour voters are deluded mongs. I just can’t understand the mentality of them.

        Like

  40. 103
    Gripper Stebson says:

    When is the next instalment of Ed Balls’ diary ?

    Like

  41. 117
    alister says:

    there is a Scottish phrase

    “It wasnae me, Big boy did it and ran away”

    Or

    I wasn’t my management, it started it America.

    Like

  42. 123
    batty boy says:

    Why the question mark on the back, we all know he bats for the other side?

    Like

  43. 124
    HappyUK says:

    Consituencies get the MPs they deserve. Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath in their infinite wisdom voted this part-timer in again, so Balls to them.

    Like

  44. 127
    Eononymous says:

    now that MPs have gone on holiday ( 2 months at our expense) is it still okay for the police to kill people and get away with it?

    Like

    • 261
      The Crown Prosecution Service says:

      Of course.

      There has been no change in the legislative position. It is in the public interest. All the circumstances have been fully examined before reaching this decision. The police are entirely within their lawful rights to murder as they please.

      The CPS – Working for a fairer Britain.

      Like

  45. 130
    James Gordon Brown says:

    Public money is my money.

    Now fuck off.

    Like

  46. 132
    Ed Balls says:

    After waiting in line for 20 minutes at the bank with Yvette we finally reached the cashier

    ‘Sorry about the wait’ said the cashier

    ‘Its ok’ I said ‘She’s always been a fat fucker’

    Like

  47. 134
    Don Brennan's plastic surgeon says:

    I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
    Ain’t it sad
    And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
    That’s too bad
    In my dreams I have a plan
    If I got me a wealthy man
    I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball

    Money, money, money
    Must be funny
    In the rich man’s world
    Money, money, money
    Always sunny
    In the rich man’s world
    Aha-ahaaa
    All the things I could do
    If I had a little money
    It’s a rich man’s world

    A man like that is hard to find but I can’t get him off my mind
    Ain’t it sad
    And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn’t fancy me
    That’s too bad
    So I must leave, I’ll have to go
    To Las Vegas or Monaco
    And win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same

    Like

  48. 135
    Clown Shoes Brown says:

    Just look at the entertainment I’ve given you over the years, you ungrateful bastards.

    Like

  49. 136
    Anonymous says:

    If they where stupid enough to vote him in, they deserve to be ripped of by him.

    Like

  50. 150

    I hope Sarah, when she brings him his sandwiches, will be brave enough to sneak a glance at a few of those 10,000 word, marathon session pages.
    Just in case.

    I was Right
    By James Gordon Brown

    Chapter 3
    The financial tsunami

    All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy….

    Like

    • 155
      Mad bad and deluded says:

      Jeez – you thought thief.

      Like

    • 162
      AC1 says:

      All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      CTRL A
      CTRL C
      CTRL V
      CTRL V

      =10,000 words.

      Like

  51. 151
    Mad bad and deluded says:

    He’s typing “All work and no play makes Gordon a dull boy..” over and over 1000s of times.

    He’s going to ram his head through the bathroom door screaming, “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Johny!” as the Beard cowers in the corner.

    Like

  52. 153
    the beast of clerkenwell says:

    ” I was shite”. By gordon brown

    Like

    • 158

      I was knight – John Prescott
      I was tight – Charles Kennedy
      I was spite – Damien McBride
      I was fright – Cherie Blair
      I wasn’t white – Dianne Abbott

      Like

      • 177
        Engineer says:

        I was night – Michael Howard
        I was right – Enoch Powell
        I was lite – Squeaker Bercow
        I was bright – “Two-brains” Willets

        Like

  53. 160
    The Scotsman says:

    It’s a cold, snowy summers night in Kirkaldy, and Sarah checks in on Gordon.

    Like

  54. 163
    Ed Balls says:

    I’m standing next to a suitable lamp-post.
    Hurry up with the piano wire for fucks sake before I change my mind

    Like

  55. 168
    Desert Rat says:

    Hunt

    Like

  56. 174
    Mr and Mrs 'Satisfied' from Essex says:

    born a moron but morphed into a twat beautifully

    Like

    • 180
      Ugandan affairs Department for First Aid says:

      masumbula brown he big friend of africa…we like masumbula brown lots…if you no give us aid we keep brown here for us..get it..pay up or the dork gets it.

      Like

  57. 184
    Mrs Duffy says:

    Where are they all flocking from?

    Like

  58. 188
    Completely Shitfaced says:

    don’t we miss gordon and his daily ramblings though the wanderings of a nutter really…everything seems so comparatively normal now.

    Like

    • 192
      Can’t remember my moniker says:

      Er …… No.

      Like

      • 200
        PissedasaParrot says:

        morning moniker..still applying the sun cream to the extremities and aspirin to the head department after yesterday’s monumental piss up celebrating Gordon’s trip to uganda. hes now back in the shed typing as we speak. hic from the s of f

        Like

      • 211
        PissedasaParrot says:

        monumental headache after yesterday’s celebrations moniker…that latour ’68 hit the spot. Buggered if I can remember what we were toasting…Gordon and uganda got a lot of support as long as he stays there….hic already and its only monday and the temp is 32…terrible the s of f

        Like

  59. 193
    I've got the largest testimonials in my trousers says:

    after the falklands turned him down ..uganda is having a bid…then glasgow’s go …past european city of culture..giggle…..they’ll give him a warm welcome with several boxes of firelighters and a one iron.

    Like

  60. 196
    Lola says:

    A shyster being published by Simon and Schuster. Perfect.

    Like

  61. 202
    HenryV says:

    See above. Nothing to add.

    (My main grumble today is about the BBC who where trying to show this morning that the top private schools did little for the poor. Some lunatic academic had done some report and the private schools had funded a rebuttal. At one point the interviewer said “I am not really bothered about what the report the says……” Go figure. Though I haven’t forgiven Boris yet for trotting out the current cost of Marr’s old private school per team on the Beeb for everyone to hear.)

    Like

    • 210
      Extra order for the big fat bastard in the santa suit says:

      someone will tackle the BBC in the end but no-one on the horizon yet with the will…the charter renewal is the likely focus point for a bloody good shake up. You would think labour were the national saviours not tossers.

      Like

      • 227
        Lola says:

        Reduce it to a rump. BBC1, R4 and the World Service. Scrap the rest or make it a subscription service.

        Actually, thinking about it, just switch it all to subscription and see what happens.

        Like

        • 229
          Extra order for the big fat bastard in the santa suit says:

          like your first version best..the rest can wander for me

          Like

      • 245
        Anonymous says:

        The BBC have recently destroyed their new website on a “redesign” purely in order to get money from foreign advertisers for their non-uk visitors.

        ie they’ve destroyed the usability for uk users in favour of foreign visitors.

        1000’s of people are making official complaints and bombarding the BBC blogs with negative comments, and their traffic has been annihilated after they released the “redesign”.

        Their time is nearly due; this’ll be the final nail in their coffin. Once the government sees this kind of approach, they’ll fire half the directors and slash their budget to virtually nothing.

        They’ve blatently gone against every code going that they’re supposed to keep to; they are completely fucked.

        5 blog entries about it so far, each one with up to thousands of complaint comments (for a blog that normally only receives about 30 comments per topic) –
        http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2010/07/bbc_news_website_redesign_5.html

        The bbc’s response to everyone saying “It’s shit; I can’t use it anymore” is basically “tough; we need all that extra space for foreign advertisers for our american visitors; navigation has been dropped completely in favour of foreign money.”

        Like

  62. 212
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    I was lite
    By David Cameron

    Like

  63. 213
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    BI MY LIFE STORY
    Bi Simon Hughes

    Like

  64. 214
    Brownstain is a worthless coward says:

    McMental, three books on ‘courage’ — what a joke, protest too much eh lad? You are a worthless bullying insane narcissistic shitebag who given a proper (soviet) opportunity would have sent millions to the Gulag. Hurry up and die you bastard.

    Like

  65. 220
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    I did it bi way
    Gordon Brown

    Like

  66. 221
    Trev says:

    Broadly true but an MP represents his constituents by taking up their issues with the govt, or at least the civil servants and local government. not simply voting like a sheep in parliament.

    If Brown is throwing out (Ernie Wise-like) 10,000 words a day it strike me he has little time for anything.

    Like

    • 226
      brownless says:

      Gordons busy shuffling his comics around at the moment trying to decide which punchline to use.

      Like

  67. 224
    Rory Stewart says:

    Don’t blame Broon, the people of Kirkcaldy are primitive and hold their trousers up with twine.

    Like

  68. 231
    windowlickers wanking over yesterdays man says:

    who ?

    Like

  69. 234
    Anonymous says:

    It takes time to write a book. Anyone know whether the Foreign Secretary missed a few days when writing his history of Pitt the Younger?

    Like

  70. 241
    I hate New Labour says:

    As usual with Brown it will be about micro detail (usually incorrect at that), petty personal points scoring and vague statements about morality that bear no relation to his actions.

    Like

    • 243
      Anonymous says:

      Im sure there is a word or it but Brown tends to spout on about characteristics which he lacks himself. This explains all the books on “Courage”. He talk about a “Fairer Society” yet is an absolute c**t when dealing with people in real life.

      Like

      • 267
        I hate New Labour says:

        Yep, here’s a man who said he wakes up every day wanting to fight for fairness.

        Yet can’t be bothered to turn up to parliament where he could actually do something about it.

        And the staggering thing is, a bit more postal vote fraud, and he’d still be PM.

        Like

  71. 242
    Anonymous says:

    Personally, the people I feel most sorry for are the Ugandans, and any other country that’s allowing him to speak publicly since he got booted out of power for being a negligent moronic evil lunatic.

    He’s giving them lessons on how to run their economy, and saying that there should be a global super-government (him heading it) in charge of the money of the whole planet. He truly does want to be big brother of the entire planet; he’s a complete loony and should be locked up.

    An idiot is dangerous. A lunatic is dangerous. An evil person is dangerous. He’s all 3, and it’s fucking devastating for anyone who listens to him.

    What happens if they take his advice? I’m sure the Ugandan economy doesn’t need help from the man who contributed towards the worst global recession in history, caused his national banking system to collapse, and created more debt for his country in real terms than 2 world wars combined did.

    Like

  72. 246
    Pete says:

    How about changing the graph slightly: instead of ‘Days Paid’ show the amount in £s he has robbed us of?

    Just a thought…

    Like

  73. 247
    Anonymous says:

    “what use is he to his constituents?”

    A lot more than you ever would be.

    Like

  74. 251
    Pope-a-dope says:

    Is he typing or writing it with the big crayons.

    Just look at the mentalness:

    http://benzographology.co.uk/images/gorden-brown.jpg

    Still, he sold off all our gold at a sixth of its value to bail out the J-whos (costing us £8 billion), so they will probably give him £3 million advance as payback, even though the book will be complete crap and used as bog paper by tramps.

    “All profits from the currently untitled book will be donated to charities associated with the Brown family.”

    Probably a la Blair and his money laundering ‘Faith Foundation’. Brown will be lookin to cash in on his war crimes and grand theiving of hundreds of £billions off the poor of Britain to give to the global kleptocracy.

    Brown is loathsome, creepy, incompetent, delusional monster. We should all pray for him to die and be cast into Hell.

    Like

  75. 252
    QWERTY says:

    Who gives a fuck about stinking jocks anyway?

    Like

  76. 254
    Anonymous says:

    In 5 years’ time, after the tories have cleared up all his mess and the economy’s finally back on track and starting to grow properly, he’ll say:

    “That was all my doing. I sowed the seeds for it when I was chancellor/PM; the economy’s doing well now because of me and despite what the tories have done, rather than despite of what I did and because of what the tories have done.”

    he’ll always be in complete denial about bankrupting the uk with £4trillion of debt; it’ll always be those nasty americans’ fault. He’ll never ever admit that his overall economic/governmental ideology simply can’t physically work because it makes no logical sense.

    Mug someone once, you get some cash.
    Mug them again and you might get some more.
    Mug them again and their wallet is empty.

    Thatcher was right; the problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money. But they never ever admit it was their fault once the money’s gone.

    Like

  77. 256
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    I look forward to the tome. It will save on toilet paper and give me the chance to do unto Brown that which he has been doing to the rest of us for years.

    Like

  78. 260
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Going to Waterstones is going to be a real hoot…remainders bin…The Journey…The Third Man….Broon’s magnum opus….!!!!

    LOL!!!!

    Like

  79. 269
    Rev. Cuntwatcher says:

    it’ll certainly compost after my mob have bombed it for a few days

    Like

  80. 280
    Sir Stuart Bell-End MP says:

    Sounds like our former PM is taking a leaf from my book.

    And who can blame him? I’ve been getting away with it for years!

    Ker-ching!!!!

    Like


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Stop the War Should Disband | Rob Marchant
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Guido’s Column | Sun
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Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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