July 16th, 2010

Tweet Competition Winner

Ever generous, Guido gave valuable blog space to assist Deborah Mattinson with her challenge to define Labour’s economic record with a Tweetable message.

Amongst the usual dross there were a few amusing 140-character entries. Congratulations to HPDL for the winning entry:

“Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. Gordon Brown: I came, I spent, I’m bonkers.”

A copy of the The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze will in the post as soon as HPDL tells gives Guido his/her address….


129 Comments

  1. 1
    ChrisG says:

    What about giving away some house of commons plonk to your blog readers hahahah?

    http://www.plentyonyourplate.com

  2. 2
    WailsLandofSong says:

    Kool, Skool, no Blackpool

  3. 3
    drosser says:

    i came i was dross

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    I thought it was Boris who came?

  5. 5
    Head Lizard says:

    Whats this I hear Guido that you have a book coming out,or is it just gossip?

  6. 6
    P. Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

    The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze. The 2010 edition comprises twenty four tomes, each of 1,000 pages and requires a fork-lift truck to transport the set up the garden path.

  7. 7
    HandsomeDavid says:

    Can you get aeroplane gingers?

  8. 8
    wot you on about says:

    ginger chutney?

  9. 9
    GEORGIE PEORGIE says:

    We’re all guilty of “too much tweeting” together.

  10. 10
    Penfold says:

    Very droll, very apposite.
    Not fair Guido, the winner was actually trying.

  11. 11
    snot gobblin says:

    wot are you on about?

  12. 12
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Christ! This is a first!

  13. 13

    Jeff Randall produced a superb summary of Blair/Brownonomics (a tad outside twitter’s 140 letter limit) here:
    Peter-the-Greats-poisonous-pen-will-do-Britain-a-power-of-good.html

    Best bit:

    It is where a dysfunctional clique took the United Kingdom into an illegal war, dismantled border controls, encouraged unprecedented immigration, debased educational standards, attacked the independence of our best schools and universities, botched devolution, eroded British sovereignty, pumped up a consumer debt bubble, ran our private pension system into the ground, messed up financial regulation and wrecked the country’s balance sheet.

  14. 14
  15. 15
    Too many words says:

    Isn’t that what the winner said?

  16. 16
  17. 17
    New Tribute put up to brutal, vicious, lying, underhand, arrogant git with a history of violence says:

    In a renewed attempt at a comeback, the former Leeda of Noo_Lie_Bore said he definitely HAD saved the world, even though he had fucked up everything to do with Great Britain.

    The latter statement and admission of guilt is believed by observers to be yet another lie.

    The same goes for his claim that he had launched yet another British satellite with his bare hands.

    EdWin, the testicular wannabe, remains blinkin obvious as the noo Leeda. Or not.

  18. 18
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    I told you in 1997 that things would get better, didn’t I

  19. 19
    Philip McArthur says:

    Surely. ” I came, I spent, I squandered. “

  20. 20
    Sir William Waad says:

    Our summary rejection, though we took it with urbanity
    Was naturally wounding in some measure to our vanity.
    The bitterness of failure was considerably mollified,
    However, by the ease with which HPDL had qualified.

  21. 21
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    So Boris has been dipping his stick where he shouldnt ? dont really give a fuck , Who he shags is his buisness .

    Saw Galloway on sky news talking about Raoul moat and the facebook stuff , Fuck sake its not only politicons that have a point of view , Us the public have a view as well . Tosser

  22. 22
    Lord Mandelson says:

    Good for me!

  23. 23
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    I darnt corupt my computer going to that site , some of us have taste

  24. 24
    Martin Day says:

    Yet another U-Turn from the coalition

    Govt plan to raise age to receive free bus pass total betrayal of Cameron’s election promise.Said they would not cut free bus travel.

    Hat Tip Ed Miliband

  25. 25
    Member of public has opinion shock horror says:

    Well, I’m a member of he public and I think Moat was a murdering lunatic and it’s better that he’s dead. Saves us paying £40000 a year for the rest of his natural for him to rot in the nick.

  26. 26
    HPDL says:

    Too kind!

  27. 27
    Liar Byrne says:

    There’s no money left.

    Hat Tip Gordon Brown.

  28. 28
    QWERTY says:

    Brown fucked us up the arse, that’s it in a nutshell.

  29. 29
    QWERTY says:

    Brown: ” I came, but Peter wouldn’t swallow”

  30. 30
    Martin Day says:

    Labour are on the way back

    Labour scored a council by-election hat-trick – gaining from Tories, Liberal Democrats and the Green Party.

    It landed its heaviest blow on Conservatives since the general election when Fred Westley took a Bloxwich West seat at Walsall, West Midlands, where the previous poll was on the same day as the Commons contests.

    The net swing was 10.8% over two months.

    The boost to the party’s morale comes in a borough where it only narrowly won two of its parliamentary constituencies on May 6.

    Labour’s Linda Crompton gained from Lib Dems at Riversway, Preston Borough, but this triumph was more predictable as the previous councillor quit shortly after his shock May 6 victory. The absence of a Tory candidate in the by-election clearly did not help coalition partners.

    The third gain for Labour came at Leicester City’s Castle ward where Neil Clayton took a Green Party seat.

    There was clear evidence of a Lib Dem slump in the three seats won by Labour but they held their own against Conservatives except at Greater Marlow, Wycombe District, Buckinghamshire, where Tories benefited from an independent vote fall.

  31. 31

    Yes. But we didn’t know you meant things would only get better when we’ve gone.

  32. 32
    Martin Day says:

    That’s no excuse for the King of “cast iron guarantees” to spout meaningless drivel.

    I refer to none other than David Cameron who will lead this coalition into a “double dip” recession

  33. 33

    The Third Hand, its called.

    I got that from a SpAd, who got it from Guido.

  34. 34
    streamfisher says:

    All they have said is they will revue the date when the eligibility may increase from the current 60 to 65, Labour intended to increase it to 65 in 2020. “There is no money left”, what do you not understand about this statement from Liam Byrne chief secretary of the empty Treasury under Gormless?

  35. 35
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Sorry , I must of missed his trail ?

  36. 36
    streamfisher says:

    Like minded, beat me too it.

  37. 37
    Tim Lovejoy says:

    Hi , My names Tim Lovejoy and i am a legend

  38. 38

    Wow. Quick. Run over and ask Dave for the keys. You’ve won a council.

  39. 39
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    I demand a stewards investigation !

  40. 40
    HPDL says:

    I’m backing Ed Miliband to lead the Labour Party and become the next Prime Minister of the UK

  41. 41

    Martin day. Why do you post as if its still 1975.
    Throw your snow washed flares away, cut your hair, shave off your face fluff, ditch the Lennon specs, take all the badges off your denim jacket and join the 21st century.

  42. 42
    Lord Prescott says:

    Rule 4 not under starters orders.

  43. 43
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    I hear that all the leftie wankers are whinging about a bus bing delayed by a few years , Fuck sake if you cant afford bus fare then why the fuck are you going out?

  44. 44
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    I meant bus pass

  45. 45
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    And where the fuck is the wanker that left this mess , you all know the economic genius Gordon Brown ?

  46. 46
    Head Lizard says:

    handy for wanking?

  47. 47
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  48. 48
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    This morning I had meetings with ministerial colleagues and others. In addition to my duties in my house, I will have further such meetings later today

  49. 49
    streamfisher says:

    Yeah, if the bus bing was delayed by a few years it would be just like booking a passage on the Flying Dutchman (no smut, please).

  50. 50
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Is that you dave lol ?

  51. 51
    callingallcomets says:

    These should be at the real heart of Camerons policies

    http://www.theagedp.com/?p=985

  52. 52

    Caption competition please – i’m bored.

  53. 53
    HPDL says:

    It’s another broken pledge by that toe-rag David Cameron

  54. 54
    Gordon Brown MP says:

    I’m not bonkers. Isn’t that right, Mr Hat?

  55. 55
    O Sharif says:

    Five no trumps !

  56. 56
  57. 57
    Liam Bryne says:

    ” Sorry , Theres no money left “

  58. 58
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    after taking the money from us in the first place therefore costing more to give back than if people had just kept there own money

  59. 59
    Messrs Cameron & Clegg says:

    The coalition is the Party of high unemployment and here is just a small part of our programme

    It is estimated the scrapping of Liverpool’s £350 million secondary school building programme will cost the equivalent of more than 1,000 full-time jobs, it was claimed.

    Plans for 26 schools to be rebuilt or completely modernised under Wave Six of Buildings Schools for the Future were “abandoned” by Education Secretary Michael Gove, Liverpool City Council said.

    An estimated 1,000 full time equivalent construction jobs would have been created in the design, construction and maintenance of the schools.

    A further 320 full-time equivalent posts through the creation of a Local Education Partnership (LEP) to deliver the scheme will now not happen, together with 200 apprenticeships.

    In addition to the £350 million capital cost of the scheme, a further £50 million of ICT investment and £10.5 million of cleaning and maintenance management contracts will also be lost – bringing the total amount of finance lost to £410.5 million.

  60. 60
    Conversation between one of Ms Macauley's sons and Jonah says:

    Daddy, who is that lady with mummy all the time? She says she’s from somewhere called Canningsbury or something like that.

  61. 61
    More Balls says:

    I take my duties in the house very seriously as new world man, I do the cooking you know, I even asked the missus to stand for Leader instead of me, yes I did, that’s how equal I am.

  62. 62
    Liam Bryne says:

    ” Sorry , Theres no money left”

  63. 63
    Charlie Kennedy says:

    Gone fuckin mental

    Are you pissed again ?

  64. 64
    Couch Tattie says:

    Probably watching the golf.

  65. 65
    Head Lizard says:

    who is Guidos lackey?

  66. 66
    The real HPDL says:

    I’m the real HPDL and I claim my prize

  67. 67
    Messrs Cameron & Clegg says:

    Why don’t we print some more then.
    Let’s bring back quantitive easing boys and girls

  68. 68
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Yep , working hard

  69. 69
    AC1 says:

    Good News. There should be no taxpayer funded travel.

  70. 70
    filipinomonkey says:

    Proud to contribute dross, bring on the caption comp…

  71. 71
    Ooh, matron says:

    What’s Lord Men-doll-son’s favourite Chinese food?

    Cream of sumyungai.

  72. 72
    HandsomeDavid says:

    I remember the leftie brethren talking about “Gordon Browns econimic miracle” ten years ago. Deluded wankers.

  73. 73
    I fucking hate Blinky fucking Balls with a fucking passion, he's an evil odious little cunt says:

    Can we have a video of Blinky on last night’s This Week? It wasn’t as funny as Dieann Aboot’s interview but it has comedy value in him denying every negative quote about him in various memoirs.

  74. 74
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    I hate the one that went to oxbridge

  75. 75
    Anonymous says:

    For reasons unknown to me Brillo gave Blinky a very easy time on last night’s prog. Any serious suggestions as to why would be welcome.

  76. 76
    Labour activist says:

    We’ll be back! We’re the natural party of government! You haven’t seen the last of us! We’re on our way back!

  77. 77
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Oh fuck off , You lost , You kept the mental one , you fucked up the public purse and you are off you fuckin heads

  78. 78
    Chris Huhne says:

    there was two gay guys in bed, the first guy was putting vasaline on his back ,the secound guy asks “why are you putting that on your back” he replies “i read it stimulates hair growth” the secound guy says “if thats true ill have a pony tail coming out of my arse.

  79. 79
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    And bring back guy news !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    Including mp’s

  81. 81
    Nick Clegg says:

    Having a piss when my phone rings. It’s the missus so I have a quick chat with her and hang up. Bloke next to me says “Bloody hell mate! Talking on the phone while having a piss…that’s disgusting!” So I reply “Give me a break…it’s not often that I’ve got my cock in my hand and my wife on my mind at the same time”.

  82. 82
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Maybe he supports guidos Balls for leader campain ?

  83. 83
    Why does Sarah tweet says:

    That is brillance on brillance.Who needs a pay wall Times when we have such wit and comment for free.

  84. 84
    The Great Sulking Fist says:

    Here I am !! Enjoying the Poisoned Chalice we left behind ??

  85. 85
    P. Doff says:

    That quote should be carved in Portland stone and placed atop the vacant plinth in Trafalgar Square – not for 24-hours but 100 years – for the next three or four generations of citizens and visitors to read, absorb and never forget.

  86. 86
    streamfisher says:

    He wished Colin Montgomery all the best, oops! mind that flying nibblick.

  87. 87
    Galloping Inflation says:

    Brilliant idea !!

  88. 88
    Anonymous says:

    It is where a dysfunctional clique took the United Kingdom into an illegal war, dismantled border controls, encouraged unprecedented immigration, debased educational standards, attacked the independence of our best schools and universities, botched devolution, eroded British sovereignty, pumped up a consumer debt bubble, ran our private pension system into the ground, messed up financial regulation and wrecked the country’s balance sheet.

    Martin, if you don’t understand this, feel free to contact any one else, who will be more than happy to explain its meaning to you, including my dog and my mother, bless her, and she has been dead for 20 years now. YOU GROTESQUE,INFANTILE, STALINIST C U N T S RUINED OUR COUNTRY. COMPRENDEZ?

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    Neil didn’t make any real attempt to land heavy blows on Blinky.

  90. 90
    Gormless Brown says:

    On our way back to oblivion !!

  91. 91
    Head Lizard says:

    agreed but I don’t want politicians telling anyone what they can say,even if it’s Moaty you legend.end of story.

  92. 92
    Mike Hunt says:

    He kind of made his own decision on that one didn’t he. You can’t try a man who has blown his brains out.

  93. 93
    Arse over tit Cameron says:

    Cast iron words from

  94. 94
    Mike Hunt says:

    To which they are more than welcome.

  95. 95
    The Peeps says:

    Better for you

  96. 96

    Good, but too late bloody late.

  97. 97
    P. Doff says:

    Leg end… why don’t you just hop off.

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    It is where a dysfunctional clique took the United Kingdom into an illegal war, dismantled border controls, encouraged unprecedented immigration, debased educational standards, attacked the independence of our best schools and universities, botched devolution, eroded British sovereignty, pumped up a consumer debt bubble, ran our private pension system into the ground, messed up financial regulation and wrecked the country’s balance sheet.

    Martin, if you don’t understand this, feel free to contact any one else, who will be more than happy to explain its meaning to you, including my dog and my mother, bless her, and she has been dead for 20 years now. YOU GROTESQUE,INFANTILE, STALINIST C U N T S RUINED OUR COUNTRY.

    COMPRENDEZ?

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    It is where a dysfunctional clique took the United Kingdom into an illegal war, dismantled border controls, encouraged unprecedented immigration, debased educational standards, attacked the independence of our best schools and universities, botched devolution, eroded British sovereignty, pumped up a consumer debt bubble, ran our private pension system into the ground, messed up financial regulation and wrecked the country’s balance sheet.

    Martin, if you don’t understand this, feel free to contact any one else, who will be more than happy to explain its meaning to you, including my dog and my mother, bless her, and she has been dead for 20 years now.

    YOU GROTESQUE,INFANTILE, STALINIST C U N T S RUINED OUR COUNTRY. COMPRENDEZ?

  100. 100
    South of the M4 says:

    Best the case for the rebuilding of those 26 schools be re-assessed. Along with the protocol of issuing contracts and of overall cost control. Then those schools that do need rebuilding can be, and at a lower cost and without vast sums of taxpayers money being syphoned off through corruption. That sounds better business management to me.

  101. 101
    Amanda says:

    Yes.

  102. 102
    Number 10's cat says:

    With copies in Arabic, Urdu and Polish

  103. 103
    Penfold says:

    An a huge pile of turds..

  104. 104
    Lennon's Dog says:

    Martin Day – were you in the Q.T audience last night? Sounds like it. They too were a bunch of Lieber luvvies who can’t accept that Gorgon and his gang bloody well ruined this country. Keep waving the red flag comrade, it’ll give us something to aim at.

  105. 105
    Lennon's Dog says:

    Just shows you how thick the ‘folks’ of Bloxwich West and the rest are to vote Labour – utter morons in fact. By the way, how many postal votes were ‘amended’ Martin?

  106. 106
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Guido can you get tory bear to go after the lybian geezer or BP as there seems to hav been a deal

  107. 107
    Lennon's Dog says:

    You gave us bankruptcy you bastard!

  108. 108
    Lennon's Dog says:

    And bankruptcy and two illegal wars and near dictatorship………………………………………………………….. etc!!

  109. 109
    Lennon's Dog says:

    Did you notice his sweaty top lip? Always a sign of a liar.

  110. 110
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Ed Balls says he’s not bonkers, a liar, a bully, or a Tony Blair denier…. and everyone else in their memoirs are liars.

  111. 111
    Lennon's Dog says:

    Guido’s lackey is Mr Moderator.

  112. 112
    Lennon's Dog says:

    We ALL support Ballsy g.f.m. That way Lieber should be out of office for decades!

  113. 113
    Anonymous says:

    Strange how so many people have got him wrong, and that he’s the only one who is right. We all know he’s an odious, truth-dodging bully-boy who should have been strangled at birth, and the more he denies it the more convincing the stories about him are.

  114. 114
    Ballz says:

    He speaks a load of tosh.

  115. 115
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    The other U-turn is that they’ve very quietly cancelled the promised review of the Smoking Ban due in 2010 (see Business Questions, yesterday).

    So much for Clegg’s criteria for repealing unnecessary laws.

    Coalition of crooks, more like.

  116. 116
    In Soviet Russia says:

    Tweet Competiton wins you!

  117. 117
    I hate New Labour says:

    Ok, I’ll bite.

    What about your former great leader who promised to ‘fight for a fairer Britain’. How is he managing that hundreds of miles from parliament? Is can 2 days attendance out of 70 going to make this happen?

    Or maybe his lies are far, far worse than anything Cameron’s done.

  118. 118
    I hate New Labour says:

    Well, Gordon Brown increased his majority at the last election.

    All your drivel proves is that some people are exceptionally stupid.

    Fortunately, enough people are not that stupid; which will ensure the lefty scum are not allowed anywhere near No. 10 for decades.

  119. 119
    MartinsTeacher says:

    lol @’meaningless drivel’ isn’t that what i put on your last essay?

  120. 120
    ballysc@nt says:

    lol ‘finances lost’ i take it thats newspeak for savings made to the tax payer allowing them to spend the money themselves and therefore not making a blind bit of difference to the net total in the economy.prick

  121. 121
    Fred Goodwin's Duck Palace says:

    why not go for the truth?

    light touch regulation.

  122. 122
    Grodo's motto says:

    “Hooray for the Bankers.”

  123. 123
    Even Cameron knows it was Gordo AND the Bankers that fucked the economy says:

  124. 124
    North, but not Scotland says:

    This is Liverpool we’re writing about. I daresay that no-one even counts the cost of repairing burnt and vanadalised schools in that fair city. If they built one new school and it lasted five years without being wrecked then they should be allowed to build some more. I know a few good people from there and they proudly defend the place, but they know that you know that they know it’s drug and crime infested in various parts. The first step to resolving any problem is to admit it exists.

  125. 125
    good riddance says:

    No. He was murdering violent filth. Seems that only chavs like you think he’s “a legend”, well you’re an idiot.

  126. 126
    Labour LOSERS says:

    ahhhh, Martin

    your socialist experiment has failed

    Labour will never be re-elected in your lifetime

    get used to it, loser

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  127. 127
    MY FRIENDS CALL ME ALICE and i will take a dare says:

    Unelected, Bigoted , Rejected !

  128. 128
    L'Oncle Vanya, Caretaker of 'Temple of Claudius' Camoludunum says:

    “It was the Twaddlesaurus wot made me do it Guv…!” moaned the man called Gordy McRuin….. “It was the Twaddlesaurus… honest..!””

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    and thats just the stuff devoted to Baron Prescot


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