Friday Caption Contest (Blondes Have More Fun Edition)
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
” Boris unviels his new policy advisors “
“Remember: I don’t do more than one mistress a year, ladies. But I don’t suppose you’d be free in 2011 and 2012?”
“…or as a compromise, how about a threesome all throughout 2011 and 2012?”
Who’s your Daddy!
Cripes, either of you lovely ladies want to meet little Boris?
He should be bloody well hung
It would appear from the trail of willing ladies, he is!
Ignore Knobbly Knees.Vote Boris.
Cripes it”s Wiff & Waff!
He’s my baby too, you know!
Boris shows off his new pair of ‘curtains.’
Boris was quoted as saying, “I want to pull them together.”
‘pull them together’… Ken’s trick, surely ?
Is there a prize for this one ?
“Boris shows the next targets for sowing the seeds of wealth”
L.A.D
L.A.I.D
L.A.R.D.
L.A.I.R.D
C.A.M.M.E.L.L. L.A.I.R.D.
C.A.R.A.M.E.L L.A.R.D for Boris’s crumpet
Tuck your shirt in, you scruffy oik.
He’s clearly just offered the one on the right a bit of “private philanthropy”.
Now then, now then!
No, she said.”Who has just pinched my bum”
These are the ones Mistress 1982 gave me.
The London Fashion Show keeps it’s promise of not showing size 0 models.
claps
Boris’Miss 2010 contest gets underway
That’ll be “Boris’s” you peasant, there’s only one of him.
I can beat this amateur fucker with both hands and my willy tied behind my back.
That’s where the usually are – according to Miss Whiplash.
These fake hands are really worth the money.
” You never saw Gordon with good looking women did you ? “
They were afraid, very afraid.
” This is what British jobs for British workers really means “
Helen Chamberlain is amazed at Jeff Stellings new makeover.
Unbelivable Jeff
three swamp monsters
Boris: “Ego spem pretio non emam”
Meus vas cursor super
” 3 is the magic number”
Jeremy Kyle: Boris. The DNA results prove Chavina & Porshe are your daughters.
Boris: Oh gosh, er my god, oh gosh…
Chavina: It is our dad innit.
Is that a T-Mobile in your pocket or are you just a big, lumbering, foppy haired oaf?
Boris manages to goose the girl with his hands still on his hips.
Boris stands in between two girls at the launch of the 2010 T-Mobile Big Dance.
Yah. The cuffs and collars match, girls.
“Not as good looking as Georgie Thompson “
The baby alien sniffed the Mayor’s thigh: “not mother”.
Preggers to the right of me,
Next bonk to the left,
Here I am
Stuck in the middle of two.
Like 90% of Guido’s readership I am consumed by jealousy as to
a) how he pulls them and
b) how he gets away relatively unscathed.
Concerns grow for Hugh Heffner’s eyesight.
Boris meets 2 blondes young enough to be his daughters.
Boris meets 2 blondes young enough to have his daughters,
I shagged. I bonkered. I came. and again and again
‘Well ladies,Blonde on Blonde is friendly fire after all !’
“Roll on 2011 and 2012… literally, girls”
Isnt that Raoul Moats ex on the right ?
blonde on blonde…..on blonde
Ooh, cheeky bugger – he’s just asked me if I’d like to conjugate..
Is he bonkers or is he bonkers?
Boris: “I’m a posh wanker with a beautiful wife who doesn’t know which side his bread is buttered.”
Lower life forms need human companionship.
lol well played
“And this is why I got into politics, to show I’m not the dumbest blonde around”
ended up giving them both one…Wallop, Wallop
Boris unveils his new job share candidates for Deputy Mayor.
Boris stated, “I kept them the same as no one will notice when they interchange their days.”
Boris the Octopus to choose Miss Shaggable Blonde 2010
Blonde #1: Are you sure thats legal?
Boris: I’m mayor so I’ll make it legal….
Blonde #2: ….to both of us at the same time????
You distract the fat git and I’ll get his wallet.
Play your cards right and you could be my Mistresses for Saturday and Sunday.
Who cares what Boris does or doesn’t do? These subjects are soooooooo boring! Is your silly season , Guido, interminable?
Its always silly season here.
He has a point. Nobody minds Mandelscum buggering underage boys, for payment, in Morocco. Who cares what Boris gets up to?
That should be quote of this political age.
“this is the type of bust i like “
“Mind the windows Tino “
“Who’s your Daddy?”
Blonde on right: “How did he manage that with his zip still shut!”
It’s Boris and the Kipling Sisters – a right couple of tarts
Simon Cowell: So tell me what you do.
Group: We’re a Four Non Blondes tribute act.
Louis Walsh: And what are you called?
Group: Three Non Non Blondes.
Cheryl Cole: Quick, someone find me a mosquito.
Boris exhibits the three knuckle-deep manouvre as the best way of dealing with a pickpocket.
Pinkie and perkies. Or. Perkies and porky
Two slags johnson
i did a shit that big this morning, it reminded me of log jam on the James River
Two pints of Lager to see my come dancing strictly.
Girl on right:
No I’m not pregnant.
Girl on left:
Advantages of being a lezzer……
Baby number two coming up… watch these spaces.
Boris needs a new proscription for his beer googles.
oaf oaf
Boris displays a well-matched pair of collars and cuffs….
Blondes have more fun.
What amle or female?
Boris shows that he scores more often than Emil Heskey.
Doesn’t everyone?
Are those wooden clogs on her feet for stamping on Boris’s corns if he doesn’t behave himself?
Looks as if none of the 3 want to behave themselves
The link between being blonde and stupid has been confirmed say AGW scientists.
But which one’s Ant and which one’s Dec?
There is no business like show business
Slagan hags. The new ice cream
The one on the right clearly came off worse when she kneed him hard in bollox.
Clearly nothing can defeat Boris.
Yes of course he’s a natural blonde
Not a heir out of place
“Hi there big boy!!!”
“Hi there yourselves, lets get this photo shoot over with and then we can get down to business, I am not known as ******** Johnson for for nothing.”
Bring back Guy News !
“Who’s a lucky lad then eh?”.
Shame about the knee.
“Tally Ho “
Blonde on left. “And what will you sing for us today, Boris”?
Boris. “I rather like that old ’70s number, ah yes, ‘Gordon is a Moron’”.
# “No use permitting
some prophet of doom
To wipe every smile away.
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret!”
Is that Boris or is it his waxwork? It doesn’t look like him, more like his waxwork.
Call Boy: “Two minutes, Mr Johnson!”
Johnson: “Cripes! How will I make it last that long?”
Mandy broke the labour code of Omerta
soon he will sleep with the fishys
Boris has more blondes?
I did notice that Mister Johnson officially addressing something called Mumsnet the other day. I completely misundertood that posting – I thought it was via a video link – and a chat with Mumsnet’s members and answering their questions by our esteemed Mayor of London.
If this pix is the result of THAT event – their must have been a few bloody silly questions asked or to be fair to MumsNet – Boris must have taken his show on the road.
No offence – distaff side but wow!
His real reason for being on mumsnet was because he was looking for some suitable MILFS to impart the Boris seed onto.
E Unum Pluribus
Boris uses his nine iron to put holes in one.
fuck captions i just to want to fuck the bird on the right
It wasn’t my arse he just fingered!
She tried to tease Boris by disguising her knee as Ken Livingstone’s face.
How did he do that? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-4hAKZceWs)
Where’s Cammo? That old Bullingdon Club dare has matured at long last – bet he’s forgotten.
Yes, they are a couple of Lembit’s spares!
Boris announces to the world his conversion to the Mormon faith.
“When the Agency said they wanted to photograph me holding a Johnson, I thought they were joking !”
who wants to be the first to show the new tory intake how to climb the greasy pole
And the prize for who has the biggest tits goes to ……… ta da da ……
The middle one!!!!!!!!!!
Following the new London Blonde Toll, two non payers are sent to Mayor Johnson to perform ‘pleasing acts of regretful remorse and correction’said a Town Hall spokeswhip.
Mare, Mayor, mare
Bonking Boris Buggers Brainless Bimbos
Borissconi
Blondes, Birds, Hands, Bush?
so, do you live around here and if so it’s sausage time!!
Madonna launches the 20th anniversary Blonde ambition tour 2010/11.
Let’s ABBA go!
Attractive blonde being auditioned for Miss 2011 role gives Boris an answer in the traditional way with her knee
Now I can fill Parliament Square with things I like.
Boris warms up for a pairing with Ann Widdecombe for next season’s ‘Strictly Come Dancing’
cor blimey Boris that vuvuzela is a flexible friend…drag it out of my kyber theres a photographer…ooooooer
It could be argued that men who need more than one woman are philanthropic, because they have more to give. Which is kind.
This is interesting, Boris’s chances of being next Tory leader seem to be unaffected by recent revelations, and the favourable odds have firmed up.
Boris unveils his secret electoral weapons.
Boris: I’m pro Tory traditional family values ……
“Who’s your daddy?”
Turkish Bimbo gets his hands on some real blonds>
Boris comes first in the knobbly knees contest
Phwoar!
“Oh Meester Boris…… are you reeally gonna geeve us a Pensioner’s Bus Pass each?”
“Nooooo Dearie….., I’m just gonna Focus…..!”
“Oh Meeester Boris…. what both o’We?!”
And I’m going to be the next Bill Clinton!
Bonk, Bonker, Bonkest
Vidi, Vici, Veni
(I saw, I conquered, I came)
Et tu, Brute?
Brute ate two
I’ve already taken the dna test if it proves i’m the daddy i will support them.
I’ll be disappointed though i have always fancied three blondes in a bed.
he’s Boris Johnson and that’s how he rolls.
“Only in Lembit World does a Perfect Ten involve two Threes”
And the name of our act is…The Aristocrats!