July 15th, 2010

Prize Competition: Explain Labour’s Record in a Tweet

Deborah Mattinson, formerly the Brown bunker’s favourite pollster*, was wailing last night to a Mirror hack and the evil Fabian’s Sunda Katawala that “I’m still worried ‘Labour wrecked economy’ is now accepted wisdom… Labour cannot afford to wait until new leader is in place to get strong economic defence up. It must start now… Labour lacks a simple message to defend its record. Without it Labour takes the blame and loses the argument… Labour is losing the argument on the economy”. Deborah, there is a simple reason that this is the accepted wisdom. It is the truth.

All Labour governments end in economic disaster, with higher unemployment at the end than the beginning, as Margaret Thatcher pointed out,“The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of other people’s money.”

The competition is to win a copy of  The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze for the most amusing 140 character Tweetable account of Labour’s economic record. Post your entries in the comments section. Guido’s decision, as always, is final.

*How is her firm doing winning government contracts nowadays? She claims in her new book Talking To A Brick Wall they were won on merit. She was incredibly successful in winning millions of pounds of government business when Gordon was in power. Completely unrelated her firm did personal polling for Gordon for free. Fancy that. Wonder how much business she is winning “on merit” from the government now?


  1. 1
    Jabba the Cat says:



  2. 2
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    ” The problem with socailisim is that you always run out of other peoples money”


  3. 3
    Liam Byrne says:

    I’ve already won this.


  4. 4
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    ” Labour can only be compared to enron on accounting levels “


  5. 5
    Pie and Chips says:

    How about:

    “Labour REALLY REALLY REALLY buggered our economy”


    • 88
      Margot Ledbetter says:

      Thats only 48 characters. You could have had:



  6. 7
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    ” If spending money was the answer then labour would win every election “


    • 281
      BookDeals.HouseFlipping.Expenses.ConsultancyWork.IronCladPension.etcetc says:

      Spending othere peoples money, they made sure their own personal nests are well feathered and untouchable. Only the proles suffer under Labour and only the proles will pay our way out of it.


  7. 8
    Ratsniffer says:

    “defend labour’s economic record…”

    hahahahahahahaahahaha oh my god you have to laugh at these people. They have totally and utterly screwed the economy….selling off our gold on the cheap, plundering pensions, and gerrymandering votes with a mass spending spree on extra public sector workers and benefits claimants, to shore up their dwindling support. Defend that, you wankers.


  8. 9
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    Guido wasnt it Winston Curchill that first said that Maggie quote?


    • 300
      My Vote Never Counts says:


      I believe he also said:

      “Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery”

      Right on every count on the evidence of the last 13 years.


  9. 11
    Anonymous says:

    What about this from Bob Dylan’s Idiot Wind

    “Now everything’s a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped
    What’s good is bad, what’s bad is good, you’ll find out when you reach the top
    You’re on the bottom”


  10. 12
    Andiamo says:

    Poor Deb’s, Labour sugar daddy out of power and Deb’s out of influence. What’s a ZaNu whore to do these days eh?


    • 151
      Hugh Janus says:

      Listen Debs, if you think that the past 13 years went well and that NuLiebour’s record was a good one, you and Mandelslime (Toady this morning) are the only ones on the planet who think that. The record that the rest of us have had to endure has been a pile of stinking manure, shat upon us from a great height – and it will go on raining down for years to come.

      Cut the crap and get real woman.


  11. 13
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    Labour’s Economic Record is so appalling, that it has driven Gordon Brown to silence and invisibility.


  12. 14
    Anonymous says:

    “we’ve feathered our nests – the rest of you can go hang”


  13. 16
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    “Labours economic record ? Unbeliveable “


  14. 17
    sceptical says:

    NuLab inherited growth economy, stuck with Tory budgets, it worked. Then raised spending, grew public sector, eye off the ball, financial crisis, mega-deficit, high unemployment, spin, spin, spin – collapso!


    • 25
      Fred Goodwin says:

      And that’s exactly what happened.
      There was no Banking economic catastrophe thanks to Brown and there never could be.

      You all dreamed it.

      We Bankers are loved by the public.


      • 65
        Anonymous says:

        You are no banker, you are a pratt, mind you did not know anything about banking and the effects of stupid banking practices just gave your approval but did not understand so it is not your fault.


    • 170
      Anonymous says:

      I’d vote for this just because of the word ‘collapso’!


  15. 18
    StevenL says:

    Labour successfully abolished boom and bust, replacing it with debt deflation and decline.


  16. 20
    Not a geek says:

    I think what they are trying to say is:

    “Nothing to do with us – it was all Browns fault!”


  17. 21
    Lard Prescoot says:

    We abolished boom, not bust !!


  18. 22
    Gordon Brown says:

    But i saved the world !


  19. 23
    Anonymous says:

    my children will be poor…thanks Gordon


  20. 24
    Quiller says:

    Labours economic record – record breaking stupidity and ineptness.


  21. 26
    Lola says:

    Labour wrecked the economy. Again.

    Not a competiton entry. Just a statement of fact.


  22. 28
    Nina says:

    Not just the UK economy but Iceland’s:

    Good, the UK totally screwed Iceland. The Swedish central bank have done an independent report on the whole thing and concluded (in their own words) that the UK Government ‘acted incompetently’. We took down Kaupthing which would have almost certainly otherwise survived. We used anti terror laws to class Iceland as a country as a terrorist organisation immediately meaning that no one was legally allowed to deal with them as a terrorist organisation and put their whole economy into the shredder.

    Is it really that shocking that public opinion in Iceland classes Gordon Brown and Darling as two international criminals?


    • 63
      Flaggon says:

      I thought it was awfully polite of us to close European airspace during a large military drill, showing round the clock coverage of volcanoes exploding in Iceland as the cause.

      I just thought “ruin their tourism and test those new fancy radars we’re developing yes?”


    • 204
      NuAttackDog says:

      Someone should persuade the Mong to visit Iceland in order to save us all from the volcano. An unfortunate slip or tumble and the angry Gods are appeased…..


    • 292
      Captain Pugwash says:

      Who cares what the icelanders think? They should pay back the money they owe us.


  23. 29
    Disorganised1 says:

    From posterity to austerity


  24. 30
    NightJack says:

    We came. We taxed. We squandered.


  25. 31
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    “New Labour was the failed experiment which landed your grandchildren with so much debt – the perfect storm of corruption and incompetence.”


  26. 32
    Geoffers says:

    They spent in the good times, spent in the bad, spent til all the cash was gone. Then spent even more. Yet they wonder what the problem is.


  27. 33
    Badbobby says:

    Cash to the left of them
    cash to the right of them
    wasted and squandered
    into the valley of debt
    New Labour blundered


  28. 34
    Number 10's cat says:

    Brown did a superb job of running the economy

    The above statement is true: if he was intending to destroy it.


  29. 34
    nell says:

    Straight from the horse’s mouth (aka mandy) ‘ We were in a pit of debt and we kept on digging’.

    What more incontrovertible proof of labour’s economic incompetence could there be?


    • 59
      Anonymous says:

      Of course you did mandy. It’s the logical thing to do when your aim is to sabotage the country; just like flooding it with nation smashing levels of immigrants.

      People who have spent their entire political lives in activism and subversion against this country are not going to have our best interests at heart if given power.


  30. 36
    manceyy says:

    Labour’s record, Chapter19, the crisis, IT STARTED IN AMERICA IT STARTED IN AMERICA IT STARTED IN AMERICA IT STARTED, oh who are we kidding


  31. 37
    public hate figures - check says:

    War Criminal to friend of the Bankers


  32. 38
    Jackass Straw says:

    Fucked up England. Mission accomplished.


  33. 39
    Dorian Smith says:

    “Tony & Gordon’s 13 years of New Labour, makes Jim “crisis what crisis” Callahan look almost competent by comparison”.


    • 339
      cant hunter says:

      When are we going to have an official inquiry about the handling of the nations finances 1997-2007 (or 2010). These bastards shouldn’t be able to spin their way out of their mess and prolong their careers. We also need one to prevent the public finances being debauched in future.
      But we also need an inquiry into the immigration rate, and the neccessity for it, over the last decade. These calibans should be held to account, and the Tories should not be so polite and should show anger and the determination to nail these crooks.


      • 357
        Blue Lady says:

        Sorry to keep going on about it but if we all wrote to our MPs and demanded an English Parliament, then hopefully the English would never have to suffer a Labour Government again. England is predominately Tory but thanks to the Scottish vote we’ve had to suffer a Labour Government even though they have their own parliament and are immune from most of the decisions made at Westminster. Brown shamefully was ready to form a coalition with the Nats to hang onto power and if he had suceeded, once more England would have been denied the party she voted for. Basically, England has been under foreign rule under Brown and Darling. The Scots still hate Maggie but imagine if the English vote had sent her to govern Scotland but then we voted in a different Government for ourselves. I think there would have be rioting in the
        street of Scotland, so why are we English allowing ourselves to be treated like this? Blair and Brown treated England with contempt and we just allowed them to get away with it.


      • 400
        Don't weld cast iron Dave it cracks under the heat says:

        Tony Bliar 1997, “we intend to change the face of the country forever”


  34. 40
    Peter Grimes says:

    Of course ‘Labour wrecked the economy’ is accepted wisdom. It is, and this is less accepted, also the reality!


    • 71
      economic clusterfuck says:

      Of course ‘The Bankers wrecked the economy with the help of Brown’ is accepted wisdom. It is, and this is accepted, also the reality!


      • 85
        Politicians = Fags says:

        and bankers have always been torys


        • 367
          Maximus says:

          Only as far as profits are concerned. When it comes to losses, they are extremely socialist.


      • 114
        Grumpy Old Man says:

        Funny the way incompetent governments invariably blame the money men when the shit hits the fan. Even the Romans did it.


        • 164
          neither fucker gets off the hook chum says:

          “with the help of Brown”


          • I Remember You Hoo says:

            You omit the people who supported Brown’s destruction of the country and who could have got rid on many occasions. The Labour party, why so ?


          • neither fucker gets off the hook chum says:

            Because only a complete fuckwit doesn’t know Brown is the Labour Party

            Why are you so eager to let the Bankers scum off the hook chum?


  35. 41
    Bob says:

    We raided pensions and sold gold cheap while letting the wide boys gamble recklessly. Then we gave them lots of money to help pay their bonuses.


  36. 42
    Rosscoe says:

    Thanks to Labour I can legally bugger a 16 year old boy. Can’t give him a smoke afterwards though. He’s not allowed and I can’t afford them.


  37. 45
    Noise says:

    “For 13 years, we did nothing and made our fortunes doing so – I call this brutal success.”


  38. 46
    Irene says:

    The Current Labour Party take note:

    With integrity nothing else counts, without integrity nothing else counts.


  39. 48
    Anonymous says:

    “It started in America.”


  40. 49
    Douglas the renegade Dalek says:

    She is a ginger commie and must be EX TERMIN ATED


  41. 50
    half the story says:

    My 140 characters

    They inherited UK plc with ace balance sheet/P&L. They leveraged it to death, wasting trillions. Leaving a debt riddled & low income economy


    • 344
      I Remember You Hoo says:

      With the added bonus of 6 million “new britons”. What happy future awaits us all.


      • 377
        Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

        Heard on R4 today that every other baby born in Bradford is to a mother not of British origin.

        It was in the context of someone deciding to spend oodles on a research project to find out why child health in Bradford is far worse than UK average.

        Why don’t they save the money and just educate ignorant mothers? And while they’re at it, stop them from marrying their cousins (guaranteed to produce a high level of birth defects in offspring)?

        But that would offend against their ooman rites (impermissible), exercise of which lands the UK taxpayer with a bill for lifetime care of crippled people (encouraged).

        Get a grip, Cameron!


  42. 51
    Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck says:

    Declare it to be a priority, then completely screw it up with bloated and un-necessary regulation, and finally blame it all on someone else.


    • 179
      Fred Goodwin says:

      Oh kind sir! please tell the public how over-regulated we were!!!

      They simply don’t believe us for some strange reason?

      Now if you will excuse me I have to go dip my balls in gold with some of my spare bonus millions that I got for my careful stewardship of the Bank.

      NOT for spunking all the money away on CDS and CLO toxic security casino bets.


      • 193
        Hank Rearden says:

        Did you, by any chance, get that gold on the cheap a few years back?


        • 346
          Goldman Sachs says:

          We have been told not to mention the generousity of the Labour party, regarding that particular transaction.


  43. 52
    Eponymus Maximus Imbecilicus says:

    Collusional, delusional asset stripping of the newly factionalised enterprise, formerly the sovereign nations comprising the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland.


  44. 53
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Labour’s slogan was that “things can only better” and they made that ever more true over 13 years.


    • 248
      Tony Blair Fan (Honest) says:

      Things can only get better
      Can only get, can only get
      They get on from here
      Now that we’ve lost you


  45. 54
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    “Gordon gives people with mental illnes a bad name “


  46. 56
    Mark says:

    “Labour – we promised 0% growth and we did our very best to deliver on the promise”


  47. 58
    two words will do it for the public says:

    Iraq Banks


  48. 60
    Douglas the renegade Dalek says:

    EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE Die Labour die! And NEVER come back. Every time one of these vile leftists speak in the HoC the opposition should collectively cry SHAME! (or Bollocks!) at them. Labour should be buried in a lime pit and never exhumed and the ground sown with salt. Labour was and is evil and the DEMON EYES which Itchi and Scratchy came up with was spot on. Blame Blair as he put Brown at the economic helm of the ship of state. But Blair is too busy brining peace on earth to care. What a group of vile, greedy, vain wankpots they all are.


  49. 61
    Taxfodder says:

    The last Government was a disaster and none of the current pretenders to the dubious NuNuLab throne had any morals whatsoever, they were happy to go along till the train hit the buffers and the cash ran out, what scum.

    On a more amusing note I see our glorious un-elected leader David Cameron and assorted near do well’s sporting righteous indignation that some of the population has shown compassion, sympathy and sorrow for Mr Moat.

    It is interesting to see how the boot of hypocrisy seems to be “one size fits all”

    “All in it together” as long as you support our argument, otherwise you are totally worthless.

    Expect burnings and duck pond legislation any time soon.


    • 112
      xxx government by nonce says:

      Old boss new boss


    • 146
      pissed geordie retard says:

      moaty is a legend just ask gazza


      • 192
        Groucho says:

        Gazza’s lager fuelled Moaty mercy mission has landed him back in rehab, according to the Sun.

        He really is the living embodiment of Eight Ace

        “Ah’m gonna buy some chicken and tek it to Moaty, and ahm not gonna get pissed”

        10 minutes later in the off-licence…

        “That will be £1.89 sir”


        • 245
          Tony Blair Newcastle United Fan (Honest) says:

          Is it true Gazza went to Rothbury because he heard there could be some shots?


  50. 62
    Tom FD says:

    Labour stood idly by as Brown buggered Britain.


    • 358
      Blue Lady says:

      Labour stood idly by as Brown buggered ENGLAND and sent our hard earned cash to his fellow countrymen so they could have the free personal care, the free cancer drugs, the free tuitions fees, the free prescriptions, the frozen council tax etc. etc. that us poor sods south of the border have to pay for.


  51. 66
    Smig says:

    You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.


  52. 67
    Dorian Smith says:

    “Even the Guardian gave up on the New Labour project”.


  53. 68
    Smig says:

    Prudence comes before a fall.


  54. 70
    Bing Crosby's Stunt Double says:

    Flog off the gold, wreck business, mortgage the economy, nationalise the banks, sponsor the unions, and save the Pound – all without trying.


  55. 72
    Find the news yourself says:




  56. 73
    Vladikavkaz says:

    Labours economic record: One Sam wont be asked to play again


  57. 74
    QWERTY says:

    140 characters or less, here goes.

    wankers, twats, arseholes, liars, murderers, useless, c u n t z


  58. 75
    I can do it in 6 letters says:

    W.M.D. R.B.S.


  59. 76
    Anonymous says:

    “Labour – tough on jobs, tough on the causes of jobs.”


  60. 77
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Found it. Nicked it. Spent it.”


  61. 79
    Bob says:

    I wish to vote for #50


  62. 80
    Vladikavkaz says:

    Tough on economic stability, tough on the causes of economic stability


  63. 81
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    Hoon and bust.


  64. 84
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    “If there was a omlypic gold medal for wrecking the econmy then labour would win gold every time “


  65. 86
    Smig says:

    Jonah Jinxes Jobs


  66. 87

    Prosperous,need more cash.Sell gold.Raid pensions.More tax,spend it all.Banking crash,no cash,spend anyway,hello bust my old Labour friend


  67. 89
    Doctor Mick says:

    And every one of these shudders are now millionaires. Even fucking Prescott.

    I think we’ve been had.


    • 99
      You have cuts we have much says:

      and the new lot are trainee millionaires


      • 342
        cant hunter says:

        No Labour politicians use their experience of government and holding office as an opportunity to obtain personal wealth ; Tory politicians mostly, and now seemingly Liberal Politicos as well, are wealthy before taking office. We may resent the one, but the Labour way is corrupt.


  68. 92
    Robert Pissed-on says:

    Just read this piece of piss written by Jonathan Freedland in 2002 and kak yourself laughing:



  69. 93
    in people says:

    David Kelly to Fred Goodwin


  70. 94
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    And we actually fooled the people for 13 years that we were fiscally competent?


  71. 95
    Bankers Wife says:

    Yes we had to make cut backs. flying in the helicopter to the news agents.Now the handyman has to go in the Bentley, the chauffeur had to go too.


  72. 101
    Vladikavkaz says:

    £4.84 Trillion of Liabilities. Well done.


    • 129
      Engineer says:

      In fairness, the National Debt in 1997 stood at about £347 billion, and public sector unfunded pension liabilities also existed, but at a lower figure than today.

      We can only really blame Labour for about £3.5 trillion of that. There was about £1.3 trillion there in ’97.

      So to summarise – debt accumulated 1690 – 1997, about £1.3 trillion. Addition to debt 1997 – 2010 £3.5 trillion, give or take a bit.

      Thanks a fucking bundle, Labour.


  73. 102
    Another Engineer says:

    Labour: Stealing your money to buy someone else’s vote.


  74. 103
    Mark says:

    The issue I have with trying to describe Labour’s economic record in a single tweet is that 140 characters is not even close to being enough to truly express what utter cu


  75. 104
    Josh says:

    Tough on wealth… tough on the creators of wealth


  76. 108
    Engineer says:

    Steal, spend, squander, swindle, spin and spoof. Not necessarily in that order.


  77. 109

    Labour’s Record: spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, debt.


  78. 110
    Another Engineer says:

    Labour: Spending your money to assuage their guilt.


  79. 111
    Anonymous says:

    There’s no money left


  80. 116
    .243 Win says:

    Labour : 13, England : Nil.


  81. 117
    filipinomonkey says:

    With apologies to William Topaz McGonagall

    Beautiful economy of the great UK
    Alas! I am very sorry to say
    That billions of pounds have been taken away
    Since that terrible day in May 97
    When the bankers of Britain entered the kingdom of heaven.


  82. 117
    The IMF is not coming says:

    nos taxed,we prodigo quod nos lost

    nos no rus ruris tumultus

    Balls pro rector


  83. 119
    The IMF is not coming says:

    British jobs for foreign workers


  84. 120
    sweat in gordon's crack says:


  85. 121
    • 175
      Groucho says:

      To be fair, a large number of the comments are critical/insulting/abusive of Moat and the supporting comments appear to have been written by semi-literate morons.


  86. 123
    Marxists are SCUM says:

    In the eyes of some of the labour marxists they did not destroy the economy at all. They improved it. They hate capitalism (yet love the benefits it brings them) they hate the electorate being independent (so get as many of them reliant on the state as possible) they hate free enterprise (so over-regulate businesses with red tape) they hate bankers (so give them enough rope and they will hang themselves, thus turning public opinion against them…and opening the way for mass nationalisation) These people are the scum of the earth, they played silly student politics with our economy, and we’ll be paying for generations.


    • 320
      equity abhors a Maxim says:

      I fear that what you say is true – and that it represents only a tiny corner of the deceptions which these vile ideologues have foisted upon a naïve populace unused to being hoodwinked upon such an epic scale.


  87. 124
    Paddy says:

    Can’t enter the competition, I’m afraid. There’s just too much to say!

    New Labour’s economic policy can be summed up straightforwardly in four points.

    1) Give minimum wage and benefits to the lower classes. Tax these and keep them down through absurd marginal tax rates.

    2) Inflate house prices for the middle classes. Tax the inflation.

    3) Lax regulation for the plutocrats. Take donations and political praise in exchange.

    4) Let any foreign corporation buy any British industry. This will look like a responsible “let business get on with it attitude”.

    Labour’s record is a generation of failure. Sadly, this is of course entirely predictable. The UK has aggregately invested in inflation and mediocrity instead of productive engineering and education. Now, the skills for recovery are simply not there and the brain drain will definitely not help.

    I think that Guido is right here: as long as we have a Socialist natural party of opposition we have a major structural problem in the UK. How can anyone invest in the UK over the long term if they know that this recurring nightmare is on the horizon in 5 or 10 years? One in which non-assimilated immigrants and the most ignorant and idle of our population hand over power to a party with a record of near total failure every time it has been given a go. We need to go Canadian and return to Liberal/Conservative swap overs and leave Labour in the margins of politics where its uselessness can’t keep on destroying the country.


    • 135
      Paddy says:

      OK then!

      Labour’s economic record in a tweet:

      “Tax everything. Spend proceeds on interest groups. Economy flops. Even interest groups abandon Labour. Country wrecked. Start again.”


    • 380
      Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

      Good list, but deficient (though you touched on the omission later). You missed out the change-the-face-of-Britain policy, the one that let in millions of people with no affinity to the cultures of these islands.

      That and its after-effects will be the lasting legacy, one that dooms the UK to possibly a very nasty future.

      Remember that 100,000 people of the kind who tend to visit m*o*s*q*u*e*s replied to a recent poill that they approved entirely of the 7/7 London bombings. That is, complete approval; no criticism whatsoever. Ponder that, fellow subjects.

      The enemy within wasn’t the NUM, Maggie, it was an entirely different group.


      • 381
        Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

        Sorry, 100,000 didn’t reply to a poll, of course – that number is a projection on to the entire group of the appropriate proportion of the polled sample.


        • 383
          Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

          Oh, and it wasn’t the Banque Nationale de Paris that conducted it but YouGov, scarcely known for their anti-immigrants stance.


  88. 125
    Bazz says:

    Old Communism, New Laboredness. New Communism, Old Laboredness.
    Laboredness Communism, New Leaderless Election,


  89. 126
    The IMF is not coming says:

    Anyone can run a country with an open chequebook – the trick to doing it well is when you have a credit limit.


    • 258
      Fred Goodwin says:

      Anyone can run a Bank with an open chequebook – the trick to doing it well is when you have a credit limit.


  90. 127
    Multi Millionaire Gordon Brown says:

    The working class can kiss my ass i’ve got my hands on the till now.


  91. 128
    Phil we slitty eyes coming for palace soon says:

    Chinese rating agency downgrades U.S. Britain and France from AAA



  92. 130
    Multi Millionaire Gordon Brown says:



  93. 131
    Mark C says:

    We’re in the money, we’re in the money, let’s tax some, spend some, lend some, and squander the lot…


  94. 133

    After leaving Granita in 1994 with neither Brown nor Blair paying the bill, we should have realised they would eventually do a runner with the UK economy.


  95. 134
    Albie Here says:

    Liebour we lie and cheat but still 34% of the country believe in us,we must be doing something right or could it be the right aren’t right.


  96. 136
    Praguetory says:

    13 years of third-rate Lefties feeding off the benefits of 18 years of Conservative government, leaving behind an entirely negative legacy.


  97. 138
    HPDL says:

    Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. Gordon Brown: I came, I spent, I’m bonkers.


  98. 139
    Smig says:

    Liebour Always Blunders On Until Rejected


  99. 141
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron : You wrecked the econonmy you one eyed scottish idiot!

    Brown : Am I bothered, face, bothered, bothered I aint bothered!!


  100. 143
    in 4 says:

    Blair Brown warmonger clown


  101. 144
    Mister Jabberwock says:

    borrow, feel good grin; borrow feel good win; borrow bribe survive, Brown scowl lie; borrow borrow now; bugger bust bye


  102. 147
    WMD RBS says:

    Dubya’s poodle to lost his noodle


  103. 149
    Hooray for the Bankers! says:

    NeoCon War wrong Blair gone Brown mong


  104. 154
    Ed Balls says:

    So Wot


  105. 157
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    Shall we try

    “A Ponzi fantasy based upon failed ideas & a mountain of debt, implemented by a paranoid megalomaniac & a party unable to tell him the truth”


  106. 158
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    cake and votes today ….financial serfdom tomorrow


  107. 159
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    sell cheap , buy dear


  108. 161
    Bruce says:

    Veni, vidi, defeci!

    (I came I saw I failed)

    with apologies to J Caesar


    • 234
      It makes you go blind says:

      Skimreading, I read that initially as “veni, vidi, defecate,” did a double-take then re-mis-read it as “veni, vidi, deficit.” The irony is that both Freudian slips of the eyeballs summarise Labour’s record as accurately as yours.


  109. 162
    Paster of Muppets says:

    Radix malorum est cupiditas


  110. 163
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    lie, lie, lie, distort, destroy Tony, destroy Tony, destroy, destroy, oh God they are coming for me


  111. 165
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    2 + 2 = 6


  112. 167
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    debt is good, debt is good


  113. 168
    Proof the state,media and cops are in it together. says:

    Look what the lowlifes at the Sun say.if you have a security camera you are a Moat,check picture of camera.



    • 201
      Silly Dave Cameron Looks Stupid Now says:

      “This is one of the things I’m suggesting. And to me that would be the most, you know, spend some money on trying to get this family back together instead of splitting it up.

      “If I’m at fault myself in any way, I’m open to all kinds of suggestions, but I refuse to spend the rest of my time fighting with social services.”


  114. 169
    Millhouse says:

    “You lot are now all in it together – ha ha !


  115. 171
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    use the Treasury as a sandpit to keep Gordon happy while the rest of us govern


  116. 172
    Oliver Cromwell says:

    Boom, bust, spin, stab, no-boom no-bust, shock awe boom splat, smear, stab, no-boom, coup stab no-coup, bust, spin, boost, vote…. oh bum!


  117. 173
    Alastair James says:

    Altogether – The sun will come out tomorrow, I’ve bet your very last dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun, tomorrow you’re always a day away


  118. 174
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    It wasn’t me….it was a big boy whot dun it


  119. 176
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    I just did what Ed told him


  120. 177
    streamfisher says:

    A slipped disc of scratched and broken vinyl stuck in the same groove but still slowly revolving on Aunties old gramophone.


  121. 178
    Stan Butler says:

    In ‘97 they were elected. In 2010 they were rejected. Stole our pensions, sold our gold. Hushed up Kelly, never to be told.


  122. 180
    burn them. burn them all. says:



  123. 181
    Fred Goodwin's Duck Palace says:

    Blairs rise

    Iraq Lies

    Prescott punch

    Brown’s out to lunch


  124. 182
    Labour you are doing it wrong says:

    This video explains it well:


  125. 183
    Brown is a liar says:

    Dearest Deborah

    For your latest comments I award you a zero percent rise in credibility. You are partially responsible for bolstering a deluded prime minister by being paid to tell him what he wanted to hear. Pollsters should be appointed by party committees and where possible civil service when public money is being spent to ensure impartiality and quality of response via a transparent tendering system. Its your own blasted fault you’re out of work – try working for those twats at Unite they’ve got money to waste.

    May GB be flushed into the sewers of history like the turd he is. The only people I blame more are those who supported him and the Labour party for so long. How in the name of FUCK did Labour get so many votes in May? There are less painful ways of committing suicide.

    I hate Brown for all he has done and hope he gets face cancer.


  126. 185
    marxists are SCUM says:

    (to the tune of the spam song)

    Scum scum scum scum, scum scum scum scum
    Scummmmm labour are scummmm!


  127. 189
    Fred Goodwin's Duck Palace says:

    New morning
    Blair frowning
    Brown gurning
    Banks burning


  128. 191
    The IMF is not coming says:



  129. 195
    HPDL says:

    Braniff Airlines. “When you got it, flaunt it.” It didn’t have it and it went bust. Brownish Flight of Fancy? Crashes and burns.


  130. 196
    Bob says:

    It was Sue’s fault


  131. 202
    karin says:

    dis labour gordon brown he do the good economy he cona me he cona u he cona everybodies apart from the guido.


  132. 203
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Why tweet?


  133. 205
    yojimbo says:

    System working well: Send more money.


  134. 207
    Gobgrafts R Us says:

    want more crumbs from the table than anyone else? Then come to us.
    Super long super sticky tongues.Grafted onto your own tongue now.get them while the goings good.Everyone will want one when the conservatives make their cuts.


  135. 209
    Bliar Brown and one for Prescott says:

    War Criminal Lies Expenses Credit Crunch Pies


  136. 213
    Jesus says:

    every house divided against itself shall not stand


  137. 216
    Lord Clusterfuck says:

    Lords Mandelson & Prescott. ’nuff said.


  138. 217
    Steve Expat says:

    Lieing warmongering overspending inward looking fuckwits idiots who abolished only the boom


  139. 219
    Epictetus says:

    See you Jimmy. Giz a tenner fur a cuppa. Maggie stole the bairns and ate them. In Iraq I was, fur you. Sachanach bastard ye are. Taxi! Notting Hill.


  140. 221
    The Red Wag says:

    RT @labourgoverment: Fuck you. Fuck you all. Ahahahahaha!!!!! << actual policy


  141. 222
    The IMF is not coming says:

    ‘It was a global recession that started in America, caused by the Banks. We saved the world from depression and the coalition are putting the recovery at risk by cutting too early’…..repeat at every opportunity and someone might believe it


  142. 224
    Voice of Treason says:

    Labour – a contradiction of the word.


  143. 226
    libertarian says:

    It all started in Scotland


  144. 228
    Gordon Brown says:

    do do do
    dah dah dah
    That is all I have to say to you


  145. 229
    Martin Day BBC political correspondent says:

    Ed Miliband for leader of the Labour Party

    Go on Ed

    Union source confirms, Ed Miliband is getting GMB backing – big coup for his candidacy


  146. 235
    WMD RBS says:

    Bush and Blair warcriminal chums, Brown fucks it up with Banker scum


  147. 239
    pond life says:

    New Labour – indebting your grand kids since 1997


  148. 240
    TonkaTom says:

    Gordon Brown was the Viv Nicholson of British politics – Spend, spend, spend.


  149. 241
    Stepney says:

    With hindsight we should have known that an innumerate political scientist and a calculator with no minus sign was going to be a fuck up.


  150. 242
    Penfold says:

    Worked to reengineer society, redistribute wealth, create workers paradise, on the paradigm of beliefs; blocked by inherited stasis of Thatcherism.


  151. 243
    Labour are dead and buried says:

    A sociopath was put in charge of the economy. Bad start. With sociopaths, it always ends in tears.


  152. 244

    Billy Joel defends Labour..

    We didn’t start the liar
    MP’s were always earning
    Since before Gordon’s gurning..

    We didn’t start the recession
    America went bust
    And it was nothing to do with us..

    We didn’t start the deficit,
    it was already like it
    ‘cos thatcher didn’t give a shit..

    We didn’t start the liar
    MP’s were always earning
    Since before Gordon’s gurning..

    We didn’t start the spending
    But we did enjoy it
    So we really stoked it


    • 246

      Five-a-day, smoking ban, Mandelson is back again,
      Health trusts, failing schools, Railtrack, Northern Rock
      George Bush, Cherie Blair, stealth tax, Kelly’ died
      Gordon’s smile, dinkin’ laws, Tony never lied.

      Immigrants on the shores, three thousand new laws
      Bigotgate illegal wars, I can’t take it anymore …

      We didn’t start the liar
      MP’s were always earning
      Since before Gordon’s gurning..

      We didn’t start the spending
      But we did enjoy it
      So we really stoked it..


  153. 247
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    Government by, for and of Hunts.


  154. 251
    Fred Goodwin's Duck Palace says:

    Landslide Blair lied Kelly died Banks fried Brown goes bye bye


  155. 253
    Shits,now polish it. says:


  156. 254
    streamfisher says:

    Chameleons revealed as Chimera by Paul the Octopus.


  157. 257
    carp says:

    Fish always stinks from the head downwards


  158. 259
    StrongholdBarricades says:

    Is that incoherent enough to cause confusion?


  159. 261
    Anonymous says:

    “Labour’s economic records: 33, 45 and 78 – all depressions”


  160. 262
    alanp says:

    Self enriching career politicians with no real life experience or moral fibre buying today’s headline with tomorrow’s money.


  161. 263
    BobRoberts says:

    Tractor production in the Ukraine is up 300%.


  162. 265
    no longer anonymous says:

    A croque of s***?


  163. 266

    Labour :
    would take your last rolo


  164. 267
    Smig says:

    Cillit Labour! Bang! And the money has gone!


  165. 268
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Labour= prudence on crack !


  166. 269
    Seig Heil says:

    no one owes anyone else anything. Its all a con to enslave you all. The minority will live lives of excellence while the rest slave to make it that way for them.debt is a trick by jooos


    • 406
      S-I-E-G says:

      Get a German dictionary, ffs. Otherwise your postings could be mistaken for those of an illiterate f@ckwit.


  167. 270
    astateofdenmark says:

    Gordon inherited a stable economy, reaped windfall tax, gold & mobile licences&still went over budget 200bill FY01-08. Before the recession.



  168. 271
    Mark Zuckerberg says:


    If Harriet is outtwitted again will this be her excuse?


  169. 272
    bishop brennan says:

    I can’t claim this is mine, but I thought this phrase summed it up well:

    ‘Labour: vote them in with empty heads, vote them out with empty wallets’


  170. 273
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Labour = Economic with the truth but not with your taxes


  171. 274
    Guy says:

    Friend of fatherless!
    Fountain of happiness!
    Lord of the swill-bucket!
    Oh, how my soul is on
    Fire when I gaze at thy
    Calm and commanding eye,
    Like the sun in the sky,
    Comrade Brown


  172. 275
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Gordon Brown = So unlucky Treats would melt in his hands !


  173. 276
    Labour are dead and buried says:

    Labour’s record is the same as Mandelson’s description of their election campaign: Futile, finished, fucked.


  174. 279
    Gordon Brown says:

    My invisible friend said I did well


  175. 280
    Trimbush says:

    The dark eleventh hour
    Draws on and sees us sold
    For every evil power
    We fight against of old.
    Jealousy, class and hate,
    Oppression, wrong and greed
    Are loosed to rule our fate,
    By New Labour’s act and deed.


    • 284
      Trimbush says:

      First you must burn the cattle and the sheep
      Then the horses and the hounds.
      Then you must burn the people.

      You must cut rural England out of all the maps,
      The history books, out of the old newspapers,
      And burn all these; and burn also
      The books, paintings, poems and photographs.

      And when you have burnt all these
      You must bury the ashes
      You must guard the graves


  176. 282
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Labour = We have taken 1 million African children out of poverty
    from Squalid mud huts without running wateror sanitation
    and housed them in palatial houses that you could never dream of living in !


  177. 285
    QWERTY says:

    Looks like Ed Millipede for Liebour leader, fuck me he’s worse than Hattie or Abbott


  178. 287
    Adolphe Militant says:

    David’s career is over.I always prefered Ed.



  179. 288
    Bob dylan says:

    Don’t follow leaders


  180. 291

    No. 1 lesson for successful government: upgrade the figures and not the infrastructure.

    A 140 (or less) letter bon mot should henceforth be known as a twaiku, Guido.


  181. 293
    Alex says:

    Mad, bad and bankrupting to go through.


  182. 297
    Bob says:

    UK debt 97 £1.5 trillion
    UK debt 10 £ 3.5 trillion
    New Labour Ponzi scheme
    Greatest fraud in British history
    “Light touch” City meltdown
    Crime and immigration bust


  183. 299
    Bob says:

    What did you expect after 18 years of tory mismanagement? We were just on the verge of an historic breakthrough!


  184. 302
    Sarah Twatter says:

    In 1997 who on Earth would have bet
    Gordon Brown would have left us a five Trillion pound debt ?


  185. 306
    Llew says:

    It never did get better


  186. 307
  187. 308
    Old Tory Snob says:

    Labour – fucking up since 1900


  188. 309
    Hatti Jakes says:

    Anyone who has ever been to university knows that there was always a nest of filth hanging round the students union thieving the funds and organising hate marches.

    They were of course Nazi socialists.


  189. 311
    Stan Butler says:

    I’m a Labour man.
    I haven’t got a brain.
    Me fatha voted Labour.
    I’ll always do the same.
    I used to word down t’pit.
    I used to dig up coal.
    But f’t past 30 years.
    I’ve been on the dole.

    Me daughters got 4 kids.
    All from different men.
    She gets more on benefits.
    Than she’d get workin 2 til 10.
    A free house and a holiday.
    More booze than Ollie Reed.
    She smokes her fags and smacks hers kids.
    And then goes smokin’ weed.

    I’m a Labour man.
    They call me workin class.
    But that’s a load of bollocks.
    I spend my time on my ass.
    Workin is for dickeads.
    I get my cash for free.
    Enough to see me down t’pub.
    Every day til 3.

    I’m on benefits, you see.
    I’m claiming for me back.
    It’s easier than working.
    I’ll never get the sack.
    I laugh at all those workers.
    Who scrimp and try and save.
    They work all day for fuck all pay.
    Then end up in the grave.

    Labour have been good to us.
    They gave me things for free.
    A house, a car, free meals and cash.
    I’ve paid for nothing, me.
    I’ve scrounged and lied and scrounged some more.
    I drink lager from a can.
    I’m a grasping fat arse shithouse.
    I am a Labour man.

    Apologies if this is over 140 characters…


    • 313
      Ed "Blakey" Balls says:

      I’ll get you Butler….


    • 323
      Benny Fitz-Clements says:

      I’m gonna get that tattooed on my @rse.


    • 338

      The Gordon Brown’s constituents sing ‘in Dire Straits’

      I want my own MP..
      I want my own MPeeee

      We ain’t working,
      That’s the way to do it
      Money for nothing
      and cheques for free.

      Look at them bozos
      Let me tell you we ain’t dumb,
      maybe get a blister on our rollin’ finger
      Maybe get a blister on our bum.


    • 376
      Curly Hetchins says:

      After much consideration Stan – I nominate your contribution as ‘the best’

      PS I knew your brother Claude from whom I purchased a racing bicycle some while back


  190. 312
    Fat cat Barnet Tory Councillor says:

    I got MY pay rise on merit. The tax payer is getting value for money for my services!


  191. 314

    “My husband, my hero.”
    If you don’t agree you’re a bigot.


  192. 315
  193. 317
    Komich the Tiger says:

    ” This is the debt I pay
    Just for one riotous day,
    Years of regret and grief,
    Sorrow without relief ”

    G. Brown E. Balls


  194. 325
    Bob says:

    Labour’s economic record? It was all about Gordon – victim of the yanks, victim of the banks – he did try though, wanker. No more boom & bust.


  195. 326
    Brillo McJock says:

    Q: A new dawn has broken, has it not? A: (13 yrs on): No, it is not broken! Anyway, it started in America. Definitely not my fault.


  196. 327
    Shhh don't say a word says:

    Are you lot still here,theres a new one out now.



  197. 328
    philh says:

    We’re all fucked. I’m fucked. You’re fucked. The whole department is fucked. It’s the biggest cock-up ever. We’re all completely fucked.


  198. 330
    EC1 PhD says:

    My 13 years as a State sponsored economic terrorist cost me my marriage to Prudence and broke you too.


    • 375
      EC1 PhD says:

      My 13 years as a state-sponsored economic terrorist cost me my marriage to Pru, my sanity and it broke Britain too


  199. 335
    QWERTY says:

    Sum up Liebour in 4 characters or less. We will call it a ‘Twat’ rather than a Tweet.



  200. 336
    Imagine John Prescott without Bulimia says:

    The first thing that New Labour did was remove the death penalty for treason, things went downhill from there


  201. 337
    South of the M4 says:

    NuLabour. We tried a ‘one policy fits all situation ‘ approach. Throw money at it.
    It didn’t work. Tough. Get over it. We Have.


  202. 347
    HandsomeDavid says:

    The buck stops here. T Blair.

    For buck substitute
    any tradable currency.


  203. 350
    Mr Ned says:

    Short twitter version:

    Iraq lies, honour dies, Dr Kelly suicide,Cover up overide.Brown chicken shit,a record deficit.Britain Banks are bust,Economy into dust.

    Long version:

    Favours for f1,
    policy corruption.

    Petrol strike nation stops,
    FMD rural flops.

    Robbin Cook,
    What the Fuck?

    Iraq lies,
    honour dies,

    Dr Kelly suicide,
    Cover up into overide.

    Gordon Brown chicken shit,
    builds a record deficit.

    Britain where the Banks are bust,
    Turn the Economy into dust.


  204. 351
    Unsworth says:

    So she ‘won’ all these contracts ‘on merit’? Wonder what her competitors say nad what the tendering process was. Wonder also how much business she was ‘winning’ before Brown. Still she’s had a good run. Time to retire from the rigours, (or is that riggers?) no doubt.


  205. 354
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    From fiscal rectitude to rectal fistitude in two short years.


  206. 355
    Anonymous says:

    Dipso, Fatso, Asbo, Tesco, Spendo, taxo, bust.. oh!


  207. 361
    ColaFizzing says:

    Bungtakingsleazemakingwarcreatingdossierfabricatingboomendingbustchampioningcreditcrunchinglegislationpushingidcarddemandingvotelosingexpensesfiddlingtaxhikingdebtbuildinginflationcreatinggoldselllingpensiontaxing mess of a government


  208. 366
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    jaw, lie, war, lie, sell cheap, lie, spend, spend, spend, lie, back stab, war, lie, lie, backstab, lie, print, print, print, lie, lie, cry


  209. 368
    Purpleline says:

    education education education we all learnt our economic policies at the Erich Honecker university of Leipzig on how to destroy capitalism


  210. 369

    Find a pot of gold: waste it.

    Then borrow a pot of gold: fritter it away.

    So “stealth” a pot of gold: pretend none of it ever happened.


  211. 370
    My other car's a Merkava says:

    To paraphrase a term from computing:

    BIBO: Brown in, brown out.


  212. 371
    The Huggy Jnr says:

    Education, Education, Education, we got it, you want it, no one can afford it. At least the gays got to marry, while the bankers fucked us.


  213. 373
    Purpleline says:

    I’m proud of Nu Labours record, there are record numbers of Brown hatters in the UK today Sponsored by GaysRus


  214. 379
    kempton says:

    Apologists for the past Labour government are still trying to put the blame on “the banks” for ruining the economy.

    In reality, two banks in Scotland and two ex-building societies in the North-East of England went bankrupt. Each of them was located in Labour-voting areas, and each of them was run by New Labour types. Huge sums of tax-payers’ money were used by the Labour government to prop them up, and a solvent London-based bank (Lloyds TSB) was dragged by its New Labour-supporting chairman into merging with one of the failed Scottish banks, with disastrous results for its own balance sheet.

    Remember that, next time you hear the Labour apologists trying to “blame the banks.”


    • 398
      Riiiight! There was no Bank Bailout. And the Public doesn't think Bankers are scum of the earth. says:

      Fuck off you banker wanker scumbag.



      The only apologist here is you for the Banking scumbags.

      Brown let you bankers bring the Economy to it’s knees.
      Because he’s an economic fuckwit and you are greedy thieves.


  215. 386

    Never has so much been owed by so many, for so little.


  216. 387
    Terri says:

    It wasn’t us. A big boy did it and ran away.


  217. 388
    Gentilalia says:

    Anatomy of the Labour years – Cock, Arsehole and Balls


  218. 389
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    Debt from here to eternity


  219. 390
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    Prescilla…queen of the economic desert


  220. 391
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    Yea, verily and before the cock crowed David, Ed, Tony, Peter and all the other disciples disowned him at the Temple and said ‘He’s not with us’


  221. 397
    Heir to Blair says:

    Tony Blair, so bad Cameron copies everything about him.


  222. 399
    Mercian says:

    Useless fools bankrupt country as usual.


  223. 402
    AsYouLikeIt says:

    “Ha Ha Ha Ha, Boom! Boom!”

    – Basil Brush -


  224. 403
    LEE says:

    sold the gold ,raided the pension funds,saved the world,printed more billions,oh fuck we ran out of ink.


  225. 404

    Wonder how much business she is winning “on merit” from the government now?

    Answer – “None”

    Dolchstosslegende* – “We won on merit under clean Labour. Under the corrupt Tories what chance do we have?”

    *The Stab In The Back Legend – used by the Nazis to “explain” why the Germans lost WWI. An early example of spin.


  226. 407

    […] the usual dross there were a few amusing 140-character entries. Congratulations to HPDL for the winning entry: “Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. Gordon Brown: I came, I […]


  227. 408
    Douglas Quaid says:

    (To quote Arnie S from Total Recall)

    Shit! Shit! Shit!

    (No Johnycabs were injured during this post)


  228. 409

    […] Prize Competition: Explain Labour’s Record in a Tweet Deborah Mattinson, formerly the Brown bunker’s favourite pollster*, was wailing last night to a Mirror hack and […] […]


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,645 other followers