July 5th, 2010

Monday Morning Cartoon


  1. 1
    The Admiral says:



    • 12
      Number 8... says:

      The 1922 Committee will do everything in their power to ensure you never see this Liberals.


    • 17
      Scrap QUANGOs, block EUSSR Law, scrap AlJaBeeba, end 13 yrs of Noo_Lie_Bore Bullshit ‘n PC Bollocks says:

      Better still if someone promises to do this, then DOES it!


    • 46
      BOHICA (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again) says:

      Not quite there.

      My ballot paper would have No.1 removed. If you wanted to add another one to even-up, then why not add “Community would dance about and burn person at the stake if they stood on my doorstep.”

      I agree that Nos. 4 & 5 need to be swapped round.

      Fortunately, in our modern democracy I have never had occasion to punch a candidate in the face on my doorstep. This is because they never turn up. They are usually targeting more-important votes elsewhere.

      Its infuriating to know that myself and most of the rest of the country are electorally irrelevant. I hope that AVS and equal-sized constituencies will change all that.


    • 56
      nick says:

      There’s quite a few I would piss on even if they weren’t on fire.


      • 157
        Anonymous says:

        …and there are some MPs that would pay you to piss on them, there was an ex LibDem MP who enjoyed being shit on by rent boys….


    • 63
      Returning Officer says:

      I think you’ll find that a majority voted for Cameron and Clegg (albeit not with the intention of that coalition). Those voting for Labour and other parties were minorities.


      • 72
        the panel says:

        You do realize you’re trying to reason with a total nut case?


        • 79
          Returning Officer says:

          It’s a small attempt on my part to give a little succour to the saner readers of this blog. Those who understand the simple facts of numbers of votes cast and consequent electoral mathematics. I do recognise that the above nutjob is beyond redemption, but we Returning Officers have our responsibilities.

          I’ll be back….


      • 73
        Returning Officer says:

        By the way, I’m back!


    • 83
      PR exercise says:

      I really can not see why the Tory’s publicly oppose AV and I suspect Dave and many others in private do not. What is being proposed will not produce a result that is significantly different to first past the post but it will make voters happier such as a Tory can vote Tory and UKIP and a Labour voter can vote Labour and BNP.


    • 100
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      yes. it did make me LOL for once.

      They’ve given up trying to draw people!


  2. 2

    I think it is kind of you that you helpfully include “cartoon” in the caption so we’re good and ready when the thing hoves into view.


  3. 4
    Nick2 says:

    At least facial ‘recognition’ isn’t required today…


  4. 5

    Hope it’s not an electrical fire…


  5. 6
    Albie Here says:

    More confusion by the know it all’s telling me what I would prefer to happen,just like the RAC Foundation telling me I wan t f* ckin road pricing,no I don’t when you flogged off your roadside assistance you became another pressure group with zilch authority,stop telling me what I want ,this Libdum crap I hope will fall at the first post as it’s designed to assist only them to gain power,after having the “help” local Liebour to take local control of the town hall no thanks.


    • 8

      Kinda agree on the RAC thing…


    • 10
      Anonymous says:

      That, Albie, must be the longest anagram in the world.


      • 20
        Albie Here says:

        Naw after reading this blog for a few years my little “anagram” is par course for this site,to make it a bit easier just for you anon,it means I am f*ckin fed up with organisations telling me what I think and goverment believing and listening to them as to what Iam thinking.


        • 35
          Hammer Time says:

          Trying being black and having a ‘ethinc group’ telling you how you think and who you should vote for


          • equity abhors a Maxim says:

            Wondered about that as well:

            What are the polling/voting procedures by which such groups elect the ‘spokesmen’ for their communities which the media seek out for a definitive opinion?


          • Hammer Time says:

            Who ever shouts the loudest gets the job I suppose.


        • 134
          Susie says:

          It’s the EU wanting us to pay for their Galileo satellite.

          The only other thing the fucking thing is used for is the Eurovision Song Contest so they thought they ought to justify the expense some other way.


  6. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Did Rich do the lines and Mark the writing?

    I think that a ‘cartoonist’s’ fee could be saved here.


  7. 9
    UK Plod Are Keystone Cops says:

    How is that gun ban working out?

    You know the one that lets a guy just released from prison go on a killing spree and dissapear into thin air afterwards.


    • 150
      Mr Ned says:

      The police cannot even protect themselves… What fucking hope have the public got?

      Get rid of the handgun ban!


  8. 11
    How is the gun ban working out says:

    You know the one that lets a guy just released from prison go on a spree and dissapear into thin air afterwards.


  9. 13
    Ian E says:

    All the text can be moved up two places, the bottom two could then be Adolf Hitler and Gordon Brown.


  10. 14
    Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

    Good for once, although I miss the ‘ who is that supposed to be’ element.

    On a tedious level, if we’re to have AV I propose that all the ballot papers of those polling less than say 10%/1000 votes are binned to get rid of the Raving Loonies, etc.

    On an even more tedious level, I suggest only three or four options. Are we really expected to have a preference between say candidate 5 and 6? It will just be a guess. Maybe you are allowed to leave blank space? Come on fellow anoraks.


    • 18
      filipinomonkey says:

      Agree wholeheartedly reg, I could see myself only giving a 1 and a 2 and a none of all the rest answer.


    • 39

      If we are expected to put in a second choice and obviously for Tory voters there can never be a 2nd choice, then we must be allowed to vote for our first choice twice, or we will be denied a 2nd vote.

      We can then vote for our first choice candidate twice ensuring a landslide victory. A landslide victory that is until Labour and LibDem voters work out how to do the same, in which case we go back to FPTP.

      In fact we can save a lot of money and scrap the AV referendum now, or go ahead but instead of AV we can vote on withdrawal from the EUSSR.


      • 51
        equity abhors a Maxim says:

        With apologies to Sir Trevor, Tory voters have the second option of UKIP. There are shortcomings to this – but second options usually do.


      • 55
        Blue Lady says:

        That’s the problem with AV. If someone’s first choice comes last, the person they have chosen is eliminated and then that voter’s second choice is taken into account. In other words the AV system will give someone two votes so someone voting Limp Dems is likely to put Nuliebore as their second choice and someone voting NuLiebore is likely to put Limp Dems as their second choice whereas someone voting Tory is unlikely to put either of the other two as their second choice. This is the only reason Nuliebore are so keen because they know this on top of the boundaries being skewed, will hopefully keep the Tories out of power. We should keep FPTP but get those constituencies made equal, oh and give us an English Parliament now.


        • 87
          Susie says:

          I simply will not vote for Labour or LibDem or risk having any of my votes going to two parties I hate and despise. So if this comes in I’m disenfranchised.


        • 99
          What the fuck have these got to do with keeping LABOUR OUT? says:

          I’m confused:-

          AV- audio visual
          FTP – file transfer protocol


  11. 15
    simon says:

    This is what makes the list system in Scotland much fun. Since i did not want LyingLabour or the LiberalF’kwits in the last time i had to vote SNP/Tory/Green to keep the f’krs oot. There are quite a few bampots in the SNP ( Sandra White & Dr Bill Wilson) as well as the Greens….


    • 22
      Anonymous says:

      Nothing wrong with a bampot or two!


      • 38
        simon says:

        In Scotland it runs to millions :0) It gets a bit wearing- anybody with a big gob and low intelligence can become an MSP- look at Frank McAveety, Sandra White, Mike Rumbles, Helen Eadie, the list goes on and on.


  12. 19
    Moley says:

    I am in favour of the single transferrable negative vote.

    Under this system you vote for the two candidates who you hate the most, and the one with the least votes against him her (or it) is the winner.

    The advantage of this system is that Labour voters will continue to vote in hordes for the Labour candidate, having completely failed to understand the new system.

    Voting against the candidate that you dislike most was the norm in the last election, it just needs to be recognised and accepted.


  13. 21
    Ghettobaby says:

    …..put the pencils down …..and refrain from this life of cartoon crime…..


  14. 23
    Infanta of Castile says:

    I belong to several organisations which use AV to elect officers/councillors. Whenever I receive a ballot paper from the electoral reform society, I look to see if there is any candidate(s) I really dislike and rank them last. I then fill in the rest of the ballot paper randomly with the candidates I don’t know (they usually have similar pitches which are superficial and laced with new-speak so there is little to choose between them). Very occasionally there is a candidate whom I actively select as first choice. In other words, my usual strategy is to try to ensure that those I detest don’t get in.

    If the great British public votes along these lines in a GE, we could get all sorts of random results. This doesn’t tend to matter in relation to councillors for a voluntary body or professional organisation but it could be very worrying if, say, we suddenly found the Greens running the government because most voters put them down third on the list without realising that their ideology is not confined to opposing pollution.


    • 94
      Susie says:

      Precisely. Amazing what bad losers the left/liberals are… they can’t win a straight fight so they’ll cheat and skew the election rules their way,


  15. 24
    Raoul says:

    has anyone got a g.u.n. i fancy going on a spree and ringing the cops to brag about it


    • 31
      Anonymous says:

      Det Chief Supt Neil Adamson says: its 6:30 in the Big Brother house. Kitten has just shat the bed.


    • 49
      RavingMad says:

      the transfer to City didn’t work out then eh?


    • 95
      stilyagi_air_corps says:

      Make sure it’s loaded, Mr Duke, sit up properly, stick the muzzle into your mouth – aim parallel to the ground and not upwards into the cranial vault – aaaand… pull. You may have difficulty phoning the Police afterwards. My treat


  16. 29
    Swinging boots says:

    I favour the reusable piano wire and transferrable lamppost system. String ‘em up.


    • 32
      Rexel 56 says:

      At the risk of early Monday morning pedantry….

      …. wouldn’t a transferrable piano wire and reusable lamppost system be easier for the man in the street to operate. I could see a lot of the candidates running away whilst the lampposts were being moved.


  17. 30
    Limpdick Open says:

    Harsh but fair.


  18. 33
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    And how many of our generous handouts to johnny foreigner, like the £200m Cast Iron just gave away to the Afghans, are being checked for “value for money”?



  19. 37
    Anonymous says:

    AV is the road to second choice government.

    Why have we got this idea that minorities are unrepresented or bad. Think of the power in minorities: Bankers, Energy suppliers, Criminals, Traveller’s. Not once have any been voted into power, yet they have more power to destroy than I have to defend against them.

    Minorities are power! So why should we have a government that is the majority second choice.


  20. 41
    Gordons left bollock says:

    Shouldn’t limp dick be further down the list?


  21. 45
    Eileen Critchley says:

    Isn’t it the truth that a change to our voting system is ultimately pointless?

    Solving the big issues that face our country is beyond any one individual or party. Who will lower life expectancy? who exactly is going to persuade the Chinese to stop hoovering up everything in their path?

    It appears that many people have come to realise that our flavor of democracy is all a bit of silly dance; its more of a tradition than a operational necessity. That’s why they don’t vote in large numbers, even after an historic scandal!

    Surely the most meaningful approach would be to devolve most things down to a new local government structure which was paid by results.

    Its absolutely clear as day that we don’t control the top end stuff like defense (Yo! Blair) and law anyway.

    Parliament needs to understand that many people genuinely don’t see its operational worth.

    If your MP took a year off what would happen to your local area?


  22. 48
    RavingMad says:

    doesn’t AV mean that if you don’t get the one you want you get the one they want?

    anyway, why did Norman Baker agree to be on last night’s talkSPORT debate about David Kelly’s murder, then some couple of hours later phone the station and cancel due to ministerial pressure?


  23. 50
    pp says:

    In my best ”ben elton” voice…

    Ooohhh getting a bit political there….


  24. 53
    Taxfodder says:

    AV is NOT the “Real Deal”

    Proportional Representation “IS”

    AV is another Party Political stitch up to deny the UK voter a real say in who runs your affairs.

    The Un-elected coalition wants you to have your say BUT only on the agenda the un-elected coalition feels obliged to set!

    IE Do you want a kick in the nuts or a kick in the head?

    “Neither” is not an option and if you don’t say one or the other it will be taken as lack of interest and leave us no option other than to do what ever we please!

    So, fuck you!


  25. 54


    Did anyone see Clarkson inflict a few cuts into Alistair Campbell yesterday?


  26. 61
    pp says:

    Shouldn’t 5 be “would piss on them even if they weren’t on fire”.

    BTW who is that?


  27. 62
    Ed Balls says:

    My verdict on Guido’s blog now that The Times online charges



    • 80
      Sir William Waad says:

      I’ve been reduced to reading the Guardian online. Actually the Gaurdain is much better written than the Times. You can usually work out what really happened from the Garudian, as you can even from the Beeb, just. There are a few silly old polly-parrots like la Toynbee and Moonbat but the newer generation of Grauniad writers has much more idea.

      The Torygraph website won’t load properly.


  28. 68
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    For fooks sake don’t fookin tell Gobbleydygook Prescott about this:



  29. 69
    Returning Officer says:

    8. Don’t know why I’m bothering, whoever gets in will fuck up (probably quite literally, and at our expense) anyway.

    9. Don’t really know what I’m doing, just got dragged in by the wife/husband/same sex partner (delete where inapplicable) as we were passing on the way to the pub.

    10. None of the above.


  30. 76
    Lord Fondlebum of Boy says:

    That’s actually quite amusing, although it isn’t a cartoon.

    4/10. Doing better, boys!


  31. 78
    The general public says:

    Dear lord, a funny and saterical R & M cartoon! Whatever next, an MP expense system that gives value for money to the tax payer? OK, think I took that one too far!!


  32. 81
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m still here, I think.


  33. 92
    Tim Burnt his Knee says:

    After yesterdays Youtube script pawn attack I hope Obama uses this as a reason to introduce hard hitting, freedom smashing, internet controlling regulations across the www. The www should be cut back and limited and used only to educate the global population into the ways of Hislamb.

    People must be forced to have an internet leicense and a computer leicense before they can even install a browser. All computer access must be taxed and finger print scanners must be connected to any device connected to the net. every single online action must be recorded, logged, examined and screw-tin-eyesed = scrutinised by the states. This will stop freedom loving criminals scamming, it will stop pirates of the curryedbeanstin from uploading songs and tracks and stop kids from viewing ponr. The parent of children should have an automatic fine of 10,000 for each beach there children do online. After 3 beaches the single parent MUST spend a minimum of 25 years in jail, and more beaches and it deaths throw for the parents AND children including unborn feetossus.

    Google needs kicking in the ass for its ping headedness with regards to street view or street voyeur as we call it. YoufalopiunTube needs to be unplugged and regulated into bankruptsee as it allows musics, videos and games to be splashed freeingly all over the globe without a care for the real content owners.

    Only Hislamb will save you.
    Repent brothers before its too late.


  34. 93
    Komich the Tiger says:

    7. Would set them on fire
    8. Lembit Opik
    9. David Icke
    10.Would set myself on fire


  35. 101
    Ed Miliband Struggles to stay awake says:


  36. 102
    gone fuckin mental says:

    we have managed with fptp for this long why bother changing it?


    • 109
      Dave says:

      Er because I wouldn’t be the PM if we didn’t agree to the referendum. Don’t worry you fornicating loon as AV won’t alter a thing, it just sounds different.


    • 121
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      “we managed”?
      With brown leading a monolithic party that didn’t argue with him?

      With a tiny wee bit of luck or judgement, he might have got another fptp majority, and been in for another 5 years.


      • 122
        gone fuckin mental says:

        “With a tiny wee bit of luck or judgement”

        We are talking about gordon ?


  37. 107
    • 158
      Phoenix Park says:

      The article states that this guy wastes between three and five minutes of emergency service operater’s’ time per call, putting other people at risk. The article also continually repeats that the operators’ aren’t allowed to cut him off in case it is a genuine emergency; but if you listen to the sample provided, at the end the operator says: “I’m going to clear the line now, ok?” … So, they can hang up on him. So, why waste nearly three minutes before doing so if he’s a known nuisance? And why all the propaganda about how they’re not allowed to cut him off when the instance provided clearly shows they are? The effing Beeb and their police state Stazi tactics can’t even organise their own propaganda machine anymore.


  38. 111
    gone fuckin mental says:

    anything intresting happening today?


  39. 113
    QWERTY says:

    I’d punch Limpdick Opec in the face and I’d piss on him even if he was on fire.


  40. 116
    The Fresh Prince Of Manchester says:

    Why is playing music banned in Islam? bit hypocritical aint it seeing most of them are on the fiddle every day.


  41. 118
    gone fuckin mental says:

    I hope they ban those fuckin vuvuzalas from the premier league grounds this season


  42. 120
    gone fuckin mental says:

    was there new polls relesed this weekend?


  43. 122
    Two cheeks of the same corrupt arse says:

    When politicians put forward “improvements” to democracy, be afraid.
    Who will these improvements benefit? The smaller fledgling parties trying to get their alternative voice heard, or the incumbents seeking to consolidate their position at the top of the pile.


  44. 125
    Michael68000 says:

    I’ve not heard anyone ask the obvious question:

    Under the proposals, if a voter ONLY places a 1 against their preferred candidate would this be a valid vote?


  45. 127
    The Fresh Prince Of Manchester says:

    “libdem minister in NON-GAY affair shock!”


  46. 136
    Uranus, The Magician says:

    Vote Nationalist (British, of course).


    • 140
      Just stating the obvious says:

      THAT of course if the proverbial elephant in the room and one that those in favour of AV may well find comes back to bite them on the arse


  47. 138
    restandbthankfull says:

    Isn’t Limpbit standing for mayor?


  48. 139
    angelneptunestar says:

    This is so so funny.


  49. 141
    That's News says:

    Well, no ‘faces’ to puzzle over…


  50. 142
    dotty says:

    #4 and #5 are the wrong way round, surely.


  51. 149
    testing testing ...... says:

    Goooodfun innit … says:
    July 5, 2010 at 10:14 am

    I have a friend with a clever piece of software that is able to increase the number of “recommended” on CIF on’t Guardian website

    He used it most effectively in the run up to the election

    He demonstrated it to me and when it reached 700 after an hour or so the Guardian removed the item

    Javarava …. won it .. says:
    July 5, 2010 at 10:55 am


    take look a “pinback”
    W O W .. says:
    July 5, 2010 at 11:05 am

    800 hits in just over an hour … impressive
    W O W .. says:
    July 5, 2010 at 11:17 am

    949 now !!!


  52. 156
    RICH AND MARK says:

    Where do we go to sign on ?


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