Monday Morning Cartoon
If Dave Were President He’d Have Resigned By Now | Alex Wickham
Loongate: What Happened in the Blue Boar Bar | Simon Walters
Feldman’s Tennis Days With Dave | Telegraph
How Geoffrey Howe Has Lost the Debate | Robin Shepherd
Dave Has Lost Control on Europe | Geoffrey Howe
Lib Dems Should Support EU Referendum | LibDemVoice
Feldman’s Denial | Fraser Nelson
Obama’s Presidency is Imploding | Nile Gardiner
Miliband Could Be a Great PM | Thomas Pascoe
What Are You Really Paying in Income Tax? | TPA
Galloway’s Mad Month | The Commentator
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Tom Harris bemoans the public’s attitude to politicians…
“Mr Oborne echoes the lazy, anti-politics whine we hear so often these days, all based on the absurd notion that politicians were once loved and only fell out of public favour during the expenses scandal. He should take a walk to the Strangers’ Bar. But not to sup with the patrons he seems to despise so much, dearie me, no; he should instead look at the paintings on the corridor outside the bar, which depict the devastating fire which consumed most of the Palace in 1834. And he should reflect on the fact that on that dramatic night, as the Commons went up in flames, a crowd gathered on the South Bank to clap and cheer.”
Focus group time. says:
The thing that Dave needs to work out is which group is more likely to vote Conservative. Mad swivel-eyed loons or mad homosexuals wishing to get married.
Better…
The 1922 Committee will do everything in their power to ensure you never see this Liberals.
Then they didn’t do a good job in organising the original (and sebsequent) London mayor elections.
You pick your first choice, and then you have to pick a second choice as a “least worst” option. But the least worst option is the same as the one I just picked to win.
So you put two crosses next to the same name, and your valid vote is now invalid because you are not playing by their rules to rigging an election, so the worst option (person 2 and below) gets in because they rigged the vote, and your vote…. well who cares about that.
This is gerrymandering.
This kind of voting is perfectly simple if you can count to 2. You also need to accept that you can’t always have what you want, in other words behave as if you are over 2.
New rules mean we can’t afford country homes, ministers complain
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/7871098/MPs-expenses-New-rules-mean-we-cant-afford-country-homes-ministers-complain.html
Better still if someone promises to do this, then DOES it!
Not quite there.
My ballot paper would have No.1 removed. If you wanted to add another one to even-up, then why not add “Community would dance about and burn person at the stake if they stood on my doorstep.”
I agree that Nos. 4 & 5 need to be swapped round.
Fortunately, in our modern democracy I have never had occasion to punch a candidate in the face on my doorstep. This is because they never turn up. They are usually targeting more-important votes elsewhere.
Its infuriating to know that myself and most of the rest of the country are electorally irrelevant. I hope that AVS and equal-sized constituencies will change all that.
There’s quite a few I would piss on even if they weren’t on fire.
…and there are some MPs that would pay you to piss on them, there was an ex LibDem MP who enjoyed being shit on by rent boys….
I think you’ll find that a majority voted for Cameron and Clegg (albeit not with the intention of that coalition). Those voting for Labour and other parties were minorities.
You do realize you’re trying to reason with a total nut case?
It’s a small attempt on my part to give a little succour to the saner readers of this blog. Those who understand the simple facts of numbers of votes cast and consequent electoral mathematics. I do recognise that the above nutjob is beyond redemption, but we Returning Officers have our responsibilities.
I’ll be back….
By the way, I’m back!
Did you get my votes counted mate
Why did me and me family have to vote in triplicate mon?
I really can not see why the Tory’s publicly oppose AV and I suspect Dave and many others in private do not. What is being proposed will not produce a result that is significantly different to first past the post but it will make voters happier such as a Tory can vote Tory and UKIP and a Labour voter can vote Labour and BNP.
yes. it did make me LOL for once.
They’ve given up trying to draw people!
If only Jack Vettriano would follow their lead.
fist laugh I’ve had too………..
I think it is kind of you that you helpfully include “cartoon” in the caption so we’re good and ready when the thing hoves into view.
p.s. 4 & 5 are the wrong way round, surely?
Um… surely a recognition that pissing on someone is unpleasant no matter what the circumstances. Thought that was quite funny
What would you do given the choice of smelling like Derek Draper for a bit or being hospitalised with 3rd degree burns?
TT is right. Piss washes off but scarring/skin grafts do not.
Oh I don’t know – some people like being pissed on. And that’s just for starters!
Ahem…
I like water sports.
At least facial ‘recognition’ isn’t required today…
Did someone mention feacal?
Hello Cleveland!
Hope it’s not an electrical fire…
More confusion by the know it all’s telling me what I would prefer to happen,just like the RAC Foundation telling me I wan t f* ckin road pricing,no I don’t when you flogged off your roadside assistance you became another pressure group with zilch authority,stop telling me what I want ,this Libdum crap I hope will fall at the first post as it’s designed to assist only them to gain power,after having the “help” local Liebour to take local control of the town hall no thanks.
Kinda agree on the RAC thing…
That, Albie, must be the longest anagram in the world.
Naw after reading this blog for a few years my little “anagram” is par course for this site,to make it a bit easier just for you anon,it means I am f*ckin fed up with organisations telling me what I think and goverment believing and listening to them as to what Iam thinking.
Trying being black and having a ‘ethinc group’ telling you how you think and who you should vote for
Wondered about that as well:
What are the polling/voting procedures by which such groups elect the ‘spokesmen’ for their communities which the media seek out for a definitive opinion?
Who ever shouts the loudest gets the job I suppose.
It’s the EU wanting us to pay for their Galileo satellite.
The only other thing the fucking thing is used for is the Eurovision Song Contest so they thought they ought to justify the expense some other way.
Did Rich do the lines and Mark the writing?
I think that a ‘cartoonist’s’ fee could be saved here.
Feedom schmeedom: they pay Guido for the privilege.
You know it’s just one bloke, it’s always been just one bloke. Wikipedia says so.
And better than Steve Bell.
How is that gun ban working out?
You know the one that lets a guy just released from prison go on a killing spree and dissapear into thin air afterwards.
The police cannot even protect themselves… What fucking hope have the public got?
Get rid of the handgun ban!
You know the one that lets a guy just released from prison go on a spree and dissapear into thin air afterwards.
All the text can be moved up two places, the bottom two could then be Adolf Hitler and Gordon Brown.
Even a dead Adolf would get more votes than Gordon Brown
and he has the same attendance record at the Commons lately.
Nice one.
I would personally have an alternative vote paper for the politicians we would most like to have stood up against a wall and shot for treason.
I’d like to have Caroline Nokes stood up against a wall.
Did I mention that I ‘ad her over the bonnet of my Spitfire?
Concurrent with or consecutive to La Garraway?
Fiona Lafferton is much better than Nookie Nokes, she does tissue manipulation.
Good for once, although I miss the ‘ who is that supposed to be’ element.
On a tedious level, if we’re to have AV I propose that all the ballot papers of those polling less than say 10%/1000 votes are binned to get rid of the Raving Loonies, etc.
On an even more tedious level, I suggest only three or four options. Are we really expected to have a preference between say candidate 5 and 6? It will just be a guess. Maybe you are allowed to leave blank space? Come on fellow anoraks.
Agree wholeheartedly reg, I could see myself only giving a 1 and a 2 and a none of all the rest answer.
Would you give Caroline one, though?
If we are expected to put in a second choice and obviously for Tory voters there can never be a 2nd choice, then we must be allowed to vote for our first choice twice, or we will be denied a 2nd vote.
We can then vote for our first choice candidate twice ensuring a landslide victory. A landslide victory that is until Labour and LibDem voters work out how to do the same, in which case we go back to FPTP.
In fact we can save a lot of money and scrap the AV referendum now, or go ahead but instead of AV we can vote on withdrawal from the EUSSR.
With apologies to Sir Trevor, Tory voters have the second option of UKIP. There are shortcomings to this – but second options usually do.
That’s the problem with AV. If someone’s first choice comes last, the person they have chosen is eliminated and then that voter’s second choice is taken into account. In other words the AV system will give someone two votes so someone voting Limp Dems is likely to put Nuliebore as their second choice and someone voting NuLiebore is likely to put Limp Dems as their second choice whereas someone voting Tory is unlikely to put either of the other two as their second choice. This is the only reason Nuliebore are so keen because they know this on top of the boundaries being skewed, will hopefully keep the Tories out of power. We should keep FPTP but get those constituencies made equal, oh and give us an English Parliament now.
I simply will not vote for Labour or LibDem or risk having any of my votes going to two parties I hate and despise. So if this comes in I’m disenfranchised.
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m ?
I’m confused:-
AV- audio visual
FTP – file transfer protocol
This is what makes the list system in Scotland much fun. Since i did not want LyingLabour or the LiberalF’kwits in the last time i had to vote SNP/Tory/Green to keep the f’krs oot. There are quite a few bampots in the SNP ( Sandra White & Dr Bill Wilson) as well as the Greens….
Nothing wrong with a bampot or two!
In Scotland it runs to millions :0) It gets a bit wearing- anybody with a big gob and low intelligence can become an MSP- look at Frank McAveety, Sandra White, Mike Rumbles, Helen Eadie, the list goes on and on.
You think you’ve got problems
I am in favour of the single transferrable negative vote.
Under this system you vote for the two candidates who you hate the most, and the one with the least votes against him her (or it) is the winner.
The advantage of this system is that Labour voters will continue to vote in hordes for the Labour candidate, having completely failed to understand the new system.
Voting against the candidate that you dislike most was the norm in the last election, it just needs to be recognised and accepted.
Spot on.
Certainly easier to adopt than restoring the Property Qualification, and with a similar effect.
…..put the pencils down …..and refrain from this life of cartoon crime…..
I belong to several organisations which use AV to elect officers/councillors. Whenever I receive a ballot paper from the electoral reform society, I look to see if there is any candidate(s) I really dislike and rank them last. I then fill in the rest of the ballot paper randomly with the candidates I don’t know (they usually have similar pitches which are superficial and laced with new-speak so there is little to choose between them). Very occasionally there is a candidate whom I actively select as first choice. In other words, my usual strategy is to try to ensure that those I detest don’t get in.
If the great British public votes along these lines in a GE, we could get all sorts of random results. This doesn’t tend to matter in relation to councillors for a voluntary body or professional organisation but it could be very worrying if, say, we suddenly found the Greens running the government because most voters put them down third on the list without realising that their ideology is not confined to opposing pollution.
Precisely. Amazing what bad losers the left/liberals are… they can’t win a straight fight so they’ll cheat and skew the election rules their way,
has anyone got a g.u.n. i fancy going on a spree and ringing the cops to brag about it
Det Chief Supt Neil Adamson says: its 6:30 in the Big Brother house. Kitten has just shat the bed.
the transfer to City didn’t work out then eh?
Make sure it’s loaded, Mr Duke, sit up properly, stick the muzzle into your mouth – aim parallel to the ground and not upwards into the cranial vault – aaaand… pull. You may have difficulty phoning the Police afterwards. My treat
I favour the reusable piano wire and transferrable lamppost system. String ‘em up.
At the risk of early Monday morning pedantry….
…. wouldn’t a transferrable piano wire and reusable lamppost system be easier for the man in the street to operate. I could see a lot of the candidates running away whilst the lampposts were being moved.
They can run – but I could get the fuckers.
Harsh but fair.
Have we got the hang of this?…
And how many of our generous handouts to johnny foreigner, like the £200m Cast Iron just gave away to the Afghans, are being checked for “value for money”?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/10490838.stm
Stupid stuff like that is why wars should never be started.
AV is the road to second choice government.
Why have we got this idea that minorities are unrepresented or bad. Think of the power in minorities: Bankers, Energy suppliers, Criminals, Traveller’s. Not once have any been voted into power, yet they have more power to destroy than I have to defend against them.
Minorities are power! So why should we have a government that is the majority second choice.
So the EU takeover is less noticeable.
Shouldn’t limp dick be further down the list?
I’m No.1.
Budge up mate!
Isn’t it the truth that a change to our voting system is ultimately pointless?
Solving the big issues that face our country is beyond any one individual or party. Who will lower life expectancy? who exactly is going to persuade the Chinese to stop hoovering up everything in their path?
It appears that many people have come to realise that our flavor of democracy is all a bit of silly dance; its more of a tradition than a operational necessity. That’s why they don’t vote in large numbers, even after an historic scandal!
Surely the most meaningful approach would be to devolve most things down to a new local government structure which was paid by results.
Its absolutely clear as day that we don’t control the top end stuff like defense (Yo! Blair) and law anyway.
Parliament needs to understand that many people genuinely don’t see its operational worth.
If your MP took a year off what would happen to your local area?
Gordon Brown is testing that theory now…
doesn’t AV mean that if you don’t get the one you want you get the one they want?
anyway, why did Norman Baker agree to be on last night’s talkSPORT debate about David Kelly’s murder, then some couple of hours later phone the station and cancel due to ministerial pressure?
The minhysterical pressure came from Clegg
In my best ”ben elton” voice…
Ooohhh getting a bit political there….
There’s something you shouldn’t see very often. The words “best” and “ben elton” in the same sentence.
In other words, a poxymoron.
now an Ozymoron I believe
AV is NOT the “Real Deal”
Proportional Representation “IS”
AV is another Party Political stitch up to deny the UK voter a real say in who runs your affairs.
The Un-elected coalition wants you to have your say BUT only on the agenda the un-elected coalition feels obliged to set!
IE Do you want a kick in the nuts or a kick in the head?
“Neither” is not an option and if you don’t say one or the other it will be taken as lack of interest and leave us no option other than to do what ever we please!
So, fuck you!
As long as it keeps Labour out for ever, then I don’t care what the voting system is!
No job = no vote should do it.
O/T
Did anyone see Clarkson inflict a few cuts into Alistair Campbell yesterday?
Never touched me. In any case, it’s only a flesh wound!
Remember – the Black Knight ALWAYS triumphs!!
Clarkson did rather well, and was rather kind, Camp bell is an uptight paranoic imho.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00t0yw2
It’s at 31.00 approx.
He was a lot nicer to him than I would have been.
Shouldn’t 5 be “would piss on them even if they weren’t on fire”.
BTW who is that?
My verdict on Guido’s blog now that The Times online charges
“NOT AS POSH AS THE TIMES, BUT AT LEAST IT’S FUCKING FREE”
I’ve been reduced to reading the Guardian online. Actually the Gaurdain is much better written than the Times. You can usually work out what really happened from the Garudian, as you can even from the Beeb, just. There are a few silly old polly-parrots like la Toynbee and Moonbat but the newer generation of Grauniad writers has much more idea.
The Torygraph website won’t load properly.
You can wind up the people on the CIF comment section as well really easily which is always good for a laugh.
I have a friend with a clever piece of software that is able to increase the number of “recommended” on CIF on’t Guardian website
He used it most effectively in the run up to the election
He demonstrated it to me and when it reached 700 after an hour or so the Guardian removed the item
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/jul/04/women-budget-cuts-yvette-cooper#start-of-comments
take look a “pinback”
800 hits in just over an hour … impressive
949 now !!!
Please, Sir William, don’t tar all Parrots with the same leftist feather duster – my old fellow’s extremely erudite and Anarcho-Conservative as it happens…
If you’re in the mood to read the Guardian, you might note that Monbiot does say the opposite of what one might expect from time to time.
I liked the time he took Hazel Blears apart.
For fooks sake don’t fookin tell Gobbleydygook Prescott about this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/us_and_canada/10504627.stm
8. Don’t know why I’m bothering, whoever gets in will fuck up (probably quite literally, and at our expense) anyway.
9. Don’t really know what I’m doing, just got dragged in by the wife/husband/same sex partner (delete where inapplicable) as we were passing on the way to the pub.
10. None of the above.
That’s actually quite amusing, although it isn’t a cartoon.
4/10. Doing better, boys!
Dear lord, a funny and saterical R & M cartoon! Whatever next, an MP expense system that gives value for money to the tax payer? OK, think I took that one too far!!
I’m still here, I think.
Only because you’re not all there…
Your not quite the full pound are you Gordon lad.
He made up for it by stealing everybody elses.
Of course you are Gordon, course you are…
After yesterdays Youtube script pawn attack I hope Obama uses this as a reason to introduce hard hitting, freedom smashing, internet controlling regulations across the www. The www should be cut back and limited and used only to educate the global population into the ways of Hislamb.
People must be forced to have an internet leicense and a computer leicense before they can even install a browser. All computer access must be taxed and finger print scanners must be connected to any device connected to the net. every single online action must be recorded, logged, examined and screw-tin-eyesed = scrutinised by the states. This will stop freedom loving criminals scamming, it will stop pirates of the curryedbeanstin from uploading songs and tracks and stop kids from viewing ponr. The parent of children should have an automatic fine of 10,000 for each beach there children do online. After 3 beaches the single parent MUST spend a minimum of 25 years in jail, and more beaches and it deaths throw for the parents AND children including unborn feetossus.
Google needs kicking in the ass for its ping headedness with regards to street view or street voyeur as we call it. YoufalopiunTube needs to be unplugged and regulated into bankruptsee as it allows musics, videos and games to be splashed freeingly all over the globe without a care for the real content owners.
Only Hislamb will save you.
Repent brothers before its too late.
Be patient, all this and more, is coming soon.
7. Would set them on fire
8. Lembit Opik
9. David Icke
10.Would set myself on fire
11.Labour
prob past his bed time
we have managed with fptp for this long why bother changing it?
Er because I wouldn’t be the PM if we didn’t agree to the referendum. Don’t worry you fornicating loon as AV won’t alter a thing, it just sounds different.
“we managed”?
With brown leading a monolithic party that didn’t argue with him?
With a tiny wee bit of luck or judgement, he might have got another fptp majority, and been in for another 5 years.
“With a tiny wee bit of luck or judgement”
We are talking about gordon ?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/10386731.stm
The article states that this guy wastes between three and five minutes of emergency service operater’s’ time per call, putting other people at risk. The article also continually repeats that the operators’ aren’t allowed to cut him off in case it is a genuine emergency; but if you listen to the sample provided, at the end the operator says: “I’m going to clear the line now, ok?” … So, they can hang up on him. So, why waste nearly three minutes before doing so if he’s a known nuisance? And why all the propaganda about how they’re not allowed to cut him off when the instance provided clearly shows they are? The effing Beeb and their police state Stazi tactics can’t even organise their own propaganda machine anymore.
anything intresting happening today?
I’d punch Limpdick Opec in the face and I’d piss on him even if he was on fire.
i wouldnt waste the piss
Except over the bits that were on fire!
Why is playing music banned in Islam? bit hypocritical aint it seeing most of them are on the fiddle every day.
The irony of Islam and the left knows no bounds.
Labour is, and always has been the Party of British Muslims
I hope they ban those fuckin vuvuzalas from the premier league grounds this season
was there new polls relesed this weekend?
When politicians put forward “improvements” to democracy, be afraid.
Who will these improvements benefit? The smaller fledgling parties trying to get their alternative voice heard, or the incumbents seeking to consolidate their position at the top of the pile.
I’ve not heard anyone ask the obvious question:
Under the proposals, if a voter ONLY places a 1 against their preferred candidate would this be a valid vote?
Only if it’s a postal vote for a Labour candidate
“libdem minister in NON-GAY affair shock!”
Vote Nationalist (British, of course).
THAT of course if the proverbial elephant in the room and one that those in favour of AV may well find comes back to bite them on the arse
Isn’t Limpbit standing for mayor?
This is so so funny.
Well, no ‘faces’ to puzzle over…
#4 and #5 are the wrong way round, surely.
<vide supra
Goooodfun innit … says:
July 5, 2010 at 10:14 am
I have a friend with a clever piece of software that is able to increase the number of “recommended” on CIF on’t Guardian website
He used it most effectively in the run up to the election
He demonstrated it to me and when it reached 700 after an hour or so the Guardian removed the item
Reply
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Javarava …. won it .. says:
July 5, 2010 at 10:55 am
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/jul/04/women-budget-cuts-yvette-cooper#start-of-comments
take look a “pinback”
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W O W .. says:
July 5, 2010 at 11:05 am
800 hits in just over an hour … impressive
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W O W .. says:
July 5, 2010 at 11:17 am
949 now !!!
206 now.
Where do we go to sign on ?