June 30th, 2010

IPSA-a-Daisy II

Last month they were accidentally paying people when they shouldn’t and now today, payday, it’s the turn of the bag-carriers and researchers to rage at IPSA. Scores of Parliamentary staff have been underpaid this month, with errors ranging from £20 to £300 shy. An all round saving  for the taxpayer.

When one lowly staffer phoned the IPSA offices to complain, they could not come up with an explanation, though ever helpful they replied – “We’ve got some P45 forms if you want one of those?”


  1. 1
    jdennis_99 says:

    Quelle surprise. Another quango staffed by incompetent Hoons.

  2. 2
    Farmer Giles says:

    I’ve got a brand new combine harvester

  3. 3
    I'd love to pork Caroline Nokes says:

    They’re overpaid as it is. They should be paid in packets of crisps. Though even that’s too generous.

  4. 4
    Dr David Kelly says:

    Draft legal advice given to Blair before Iraq invasion just published by Chilcot and makes interesting reading.

  5. 5
    revolting peasant says:

    Can I have the key?

  6. 6
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m planning my political comeback. I’ve already done my first jobby.

  7. 7
    Sir William Waad says:

    Res ipsa loquitur.

  8. 8
    Mrs Dr David Kelly says:

    mmmmfffp! fmmmffff! fffmmmmmffffppp!!!

  9. 9
    Anarchy In The UK says:

    O/T but surprised it isn’t a topic. Justice Minister to open the prison gates in a ‘more liberal than a Liberal’ experiment. It’s a controlled experiment. Those not taking part get police protection and represent a constituency where there’s more chance of spotting a unicorn than being mugged, everyone
    else takes their chances.

  10. 10
    Sir William Waad says:

    She was only a welder’s daughter, but she loved a nice big helmet.

  11. 11
    Use Your Brain, Don't Let Yourself Become A Victim says:

    Kill a Lib Dem or Tory MP or pay a released crim to do it as an example and watch how quick they turn around on this policy

  12. 12
    Joe Miller says:

    She was only the the town clerk’s daughter, but she let the borough surveyor.

  13. 13
    Old ones are best says:

    She was only the telegraphist’s daughter, but she didit, didit, didit…

  14. 14
    Scaramanga says:

    Nik Nak’s what?

  15. 15

    Is it not funny that MP staffers get a taste of what it is like to be one the wrong end of the stick?

  16. 16
    Taxpayers of the EU says:

    You won’t be getting another so make it last.

    Fucking CAP spongers

  17. 17
    Give the dog a bone says:


  18. 18
    May Blair RIH says:

    Sir, doth thou have aye linke to the aforementioned?

  19. 19
    Penfold says:

    Useless assholes.

    Any commercial operation creating this sort of mess would be subject to sanctions.

    Why can’t IPSA give the job to a commercail payroll company who do this sort of work on autopilot.

    Useless, useless tossers.

  20. 20
    Ex bog-standard comp pupil says:

    I don’t understand Latvian, sorry.

  21. 21
    Hellboy88 says:

    Glad you think that part-time typists on less than £10,000 per annum working in Central London deserve their monthly pay to fall short by a possible £300 – what a laff …..

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    She was only the zookeepers daughter but she knew a cockatoo.

  23. 23
    One of the Krankies says:

    The even older ones …..

    She was only a jockey’s daughter, but all the horse manure.

    She was only a clergyman’s daughter, but you couldn’t put anything pastor.

    She was only a fishmonger’s daughter, but she lay on the slab and said fillet.

  24. 24
    Albie Here says:

    Suddenly the lights shines into the dark and dingey corners of the public sector and finds like in the private sector people hiding away from the P45 bird,you should welcome them back into the real world instead of feeling sorry for them.

  25. 25
    Old geezer says:

    I bet that they did not forget to pay themselves.

  26. 26

    My heart pumps piss…..

  27. 27
    Sir William Waad says:

    She was only a roadmender’s daughter, but she certainly liked her asphalt.

  28. 28
    Mr Ned says:

    Documents at the bottom of the page:


    After reading them, and knowing now (what they knew, but wilfully ignored then), there is absolutely NO doubt whatsoever that the invasion of Iraq was wholly unlawful. 1441 did NOT revive earlier resolutions in this case as Saddam HAD disarmed and our services KNEW that for a fact at the time.

  29. 29
    Gawkes says:

    Fuck off and collect a p45 on your way out.

  30. 30
    Ashy says:

    She was only Camerons daughter but she liked a fucker

  31. 31
    Piss Pot says:

    She was only a pilot’s daughter but she kept her cock pit clean.

  32. 32
    Ashy says:

    Hmm,it’s amazing just what you can get a smackhead to do for heroin

  33. 33
    streamfisher says:

    It’s just not fair! and neither is the independent parliamentary standards authority, Ha, Ha,

  34. 34
    EU says:

    yeah right.

  35. 35
    Do not feed the mongs says:

    I wonder what work could be found for the window lickers on here? Something entering data via a keyboard no doubt.

  36. 36
    Head Lizard says:

    surprised Guido didn’t mod that

  37. 37
    AC1 says:

    Lets start a fund to pay for the best barrister team possible to defend anyone charged with the murder of an MP.

    Britain isn’t a failing state, it’s turning into the opposite of a state.
    Borders Defended? Nope.
    Citizens Defended? Nope.
    Country Defended? Nope.
    UK Troops Defended? Nope.
    UK citizens privileged over foreigners? Nope.

    Heads on Pikes time.

  38. 38
    Sir William Waad says:

    They grounded her when they found a crack in her undercarriage.

  39. 39
    AC1 says:

    That’s what I do for a living! I also do a bit of translating my business partners misheard customer demands into SQL and HTML.

    Why are you using a keyboard (or perhaps a head-wand?) to enter data into Guidos blog?

  40. 40
    AC1 says:

    Best see a doctor about that (Not NHS if you like to stay alive).

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Latin = the thing speaks for itself

  42. 42
    The Millionaire Socialist Tony Bliar says:

    So what?

  43. 43

    With respect to Hellboy (above), my comment was a bit blase, i apologise – if my wages were late, let alone short, i’d go fucking mental.

    See i wanted to put an acute accent over the ‘e’ of blase, but couldn’t, cos i’m a HTML mong.

    AC1, no i don’t use the NHS, my posts are shite but i’m not stupid.

  44. 44
    Gordon says:

    Have you got my cheque yet?
    Do you know who I am?

  45. 45
    Piss Pot says:

    Nah ‘mong’I think your average bloggers on Guido are self employed Brain Surgeons and the likes AND all round good eggs! So stop being so superior – oh, you’re not Gorgon are you?

  46. 46
    Gloriana says:

    Refresh my memory Gordon.

  47. 47
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Corn snacks are VAT free. Crisps are not. What? Not logical? Geez – what do you expect?

  48. 48
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Gordon who? Nah…..never heard of you.

  49. 49

    I learn something new here every day.

  50. 50
    Lola says:

    Well, fuck me. MP’s don’t like working under a Quango? Well then, you tossers come and run a business in Financial Services and find out what its really like as a Quango Serf. These bloody Quangos are the curse of the times. They all, yes all of them need shutting down. Now. Including IPSA. Why the bloody Hell can’t MP’s run their own affiars? They are s’posed to be able to ‘run the country’. Oh yeah. Of Course. Silly me.

  51. 51
  52. 52
    Blanco says:

    twas the conservatives started them

  53. 53
    Selohesra says:

    She was only a Yorkshire girl but she liked her Huddersfield

  54. 54
    Lola says:

    Hey, I know I know. But who said I was a Tory? I’m far left of the bloody Tories, but even farther right of sodding Labour. Anyway if the Tory’s invented them they should know how to SHUT THEM DOWN.

  55. 55
    Blanco says:

    fuck off mong

  56. 56
    AC1 says:

    You’re an Adam Smith Capitalist.

  57. 57
    Translate says:

    My arse your face,a striking match

  58. 58
    AC1 says:

    Does ´ get translated or rendered?

  59. 59
    AC1 says:

    Oh, it gets broken! At least guidos numbering system is reliable…

  60. 60
    .50 says:

    just hire a decent sniper who doesn’t get caught

  61. 61
    AC1 says:

    However blasé works.

    I use Fire-fox and install the British spelling checker add-on and I type “blase” and it suggests blasé. Easy.

  62. 62
    Head Lizard says:

    she loved to hold the pilots stick

  63. 63
    Head Lizard says:

    every time I put html in the site cancels it out

  64. 64
    Blanco says:

    Via facebook..hey mongs your fired.

  65. 65
    Susie says:

    As Dan Hannon says…”Only now, though, do most MPs have first-hand experience of being at the mercy of unaccountable officials themselves.”


  66. 66
    The Tree says:

    watch this over the next few days as it will probably escalate into main news.


  67. 67
    Dack Blog says:

    Hmmm… looks like we’ll be going back to turkey twizzlers at school, then.

  68. 68
    Mummy's Boy says:

    Why does Andy Murray always take his mum to work?

  69. 69
    BBC Tumbleweed Watch says:

    o/t BBC News at 6 conducting a classic “hate the coalition” episode… start of each story with a negative, a snippet of “govt says”, then followed by rows of talking heads condemning whatever it is.

  70. 70
    BBC Tumbleweed Watch says:

    “start off”.

  71. 71
  72. 72
    The Tree says:

    cross border gunfire has started.

  73. 73
    Engineer says:

    Totting up the ‘E’ numbers would improve pupil numeracy.

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:


    Incompetent liars found in other areas of government above.
    Do you suppose illegal land use policy abroad might be mirrored by the increase in contentious and objectionable land use policy & applications within our own borders?
    Let me see… nuclear waste, airports, windfarms, housing schemes, supermarkets, power lines, … just call Prescott & son builders at large.


    Quote: “principles of accountability and transparency” stuff like wot we, the last gubmnt, implemented democratic like.

    Collect your P45 John…. see IPSA above.

  75. 75
    Anonymous says:

    so it’s brown and down the pan too?

  76. 76
    Engineer says:

    The problem is probably that from a head-count of (say) 60, there are 5 directors, 5 Principal Managers, 15 Executive Managers, 20 Senior Managers, 12 tea-ladies, cleaners and photocopier operators and 3 actually doing the job, one of whom is off work long-term with stress.

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    photogrpaher’s daughter, over developed and under exposed

    dirty ol’ men the lot of you

  78. 78
    Engineer says:

    She was only the Baker’s daughter, but her baps were available to all.

  79. 79
    Gordon says:

    Apparently I am still Prime Minister in all but name… and job.
    But I am told by Doctor Jung that none of this matters as I am still considered to be a man amongst men
    Now can I have my cheque?

  80. 80
    Gordon says:

    You are all very kind

  81. 81
    Dack Blog says:

    I must say that dinners at my school have improved no end. Sure numbers dropped at first (I remember one kid in front of me in the queue exclaiming ‘Urgh… What’s THAT??!!’ as he pointed at cauliflower). But the take up has grown and surpassed previous numbers. It’s not lecturing, it’s just what’s there – and they’ve got used to it. The canteen has been upgraded and they actually like sitting in there to eat. It’s a private company though – and expensive. I’d rather a local independent did it, using local food, and encouraging local small business/employment.

  82. 82
    Disco Biscuit says:

    The stupid cnuts have fcuked up my pay, too.

  83. 83
    AC1 says:

    and probably even more expensive.

  84. 84
    concrete pump says:

    I went to a private school in the 80’s and the food served from the kitchens was fucking awful. Year masters suggested we made our own – we did.

  85. 85
    AC1 says:

    testing É ampersand hash 201 semi-colon

  86. 86
  87. 87
    Engineer says:

    I remember listening to the saga unfold on The Food Programme when Jamie Oliver and others were campaigning. I think Jeanette Orrey was one of the main protagonists, and did just as you describe in her own school canteen, with startling improvement to pupil behaviour and academic attainment. Straightforward logic, really – you are what you eat.

    I was surprised at how poor school catering had become. My memories of school dinners are of healthy, if rather unexciting food. We only got chips on Fridays, but chocolate pudding and custard was a popular regular. About the only negatives were the fishless fish fingers and the catering-quality roast beef. Turkey Twizzlers were unknown (and possibly not invented). We usually ate it all, as well.

  88. 88
    Head Lizard says:

    why is slotgob on 4 news about releasing convicts

  89. 89
    Screw says:

    Prisoners get a well balanced diet

  90. 90
    wee jock says:

    Andy Murray through to the semis. Get it up you!

  91. 91
    Dack Blog says:

    No idea. We did find one that from what I heard was cheaper, but getting out of our contract would have cost more.

  92. 92
    concrete pump says:

    Does Guido disable HTML because people can do dodgy things with it on a thread?

  93. 93
    John Presclott says:

    A pie in each ‘and. That’s a balanced diet, that is.

  94. 94
    Dack Blog says:

    Anyway – I’m not on an anti-privatisation rant. A local company would be private too. I’d just prefer local. Not corporate.

  95. 95
    Head Lizard says:

    and they are all related

  96. 96
    WONKA says:

    Gas leak halts production at Norway Troll A Field
    According to Dow Jones, production has been suspended at several Norwegian North Sea oil and gas facilities after a small gas leak at Statoil’s Troll A field, the company said. Production has been halted at Norway’s largest gas field, Troll A following the leak, in addition to flows from Kvitebjoern and Visund oil and gas fields.

    Not to worry it’s only bubbles!!

  97. 97
    Bob Mugabe says:

    You tell em Tone

  98. 98
    concrete pump says:

    Just noticed Chrome has a web developer thingy on the right click, not much help to me though.

    Thanks for the HTML learning page AC1, bookmarked.

  99. 99
    Gary Glitter says:

    under developed and over exposed

  100. 100
    The TV Licence says:

    Yeah well what do you expect from them so soon, change will take time, its the usual biased broadcasting corporation we all love to hate atm.

  101. 101
    Lola says:

    Is that good or bad?

  102. 102
    Banana Boat captain. says:


  103. 103
    Head Lizard says:

    Could be some pieces are moving into position to checkmate Blair and Co

  104. 104
    Loony Lefty Libcons says:

    Kenneth Clarke: Fewer criminals will go to prison

    Fewer criminals will be jailed and more offenders will get community sentences because prison doesn’t work in many cases, Kenneth Clarke will signal.

    The Justice Secretary will declare that deep cuts in public spending must fuel a new approach to crime and punishment that puts more emphasis on rehabilitating offenders than on locking them up

  105. 105
    sick note says:

    Spit roasts a speciality.

  106. 106
    The Tree says:

    “El Paso City Hall Struck By Bullets; Gunshots Believed To Have Come From Juarez”
    it wasn’t stray gunfire. I have spoke with people who fired back into Mexico. The only incident in Juarez was a mile away, quite a distance for 7 stray bullets to travel.


  107. 107
    anonymous says:

    oh shut the fuck up engineer you boring c’unt.

  108. 108
    Know Your True Enemy says:

    Obummer and the democrats are letting it happen on purpose, even if you defend your town successfully they will side with the Mexicans and say oh the poor dears where forced into drugs and running cartels because of the evil American capitalists etc. etc.

    Also letting the Mexicans run wild like this gives them a plausible excuse to hide behind and to raise homeland security measures like Bush did via 9/11.

  109. 109
    soft ball says:

    He can only ever get a semi.

  110. 110
    lolol says:

    oh! you’re SO butch

  111. 111
    You just have to have a cistern says:


  112. 112
    Chef says:

    I worked in a jail kitchen. The food was all fresh, nothing out of packets with E’s in them. Breakfast was 2 courses with cornflakes twice a week.Lunch 3 courses and tea another hot meal of at least two items.Then a supper of tea and a bun.All top grade food.

  113. 113
    AC1 says:

    Why not lock them up cheaper?

    Ask Sheriff Arpaio how.


  114. 114
    diane slabott says:

    ‘Cos Scottish mums love their boys so much more than whitey English mums.

    She head butts anybody who heckles her wain.

  115. 115
    AC1 says:

    It’s golly Good!

    Ground-rents are a still more proper subject of taxation than the rent of houses. A tax upon ground-rents would not raise the rents of houses. It would fall altogether upon the owner of the ground-rent, who acts always as a monopolist, and exacts the greatest rent which can be got for the use of his ground. More or less can be got for it according as the competitors happen to be richer or poorer, or can afford to gratify their fancy for a particular spot of ground at a greater or smaller expense. In every country the greatest number of rich competitors is in the capital, and it is there accordingly that the highest ground-rents are always to be found. As the wealth of those competitors would in no respect be increased by a tax upon ground-rents, they would not probably be disposed to pay more for the use of the ground. Whether the tax was to be advanced by the inhabitant, or by the owner of the ground, would be of little importance. The more the inhabitant was obliged to pay for the tax, the less he would incline to pay for the ground; so that the final payment of the tax would fall altogether upon the owner of the ground-rent.

  116. 116
  117. 117
    ACDC1 says:

    Why not lock them up cheaper?

    Ask Sheriff Stalin how.


  118. 118
    concrete pump says:

    And you can have as much bread as you want (in Y.O.I’s) but it’s all thin sliced.

    Ever noticed how you get medium and thick sliced bread but hardly ever thin sliced.

    It’s cos young offender institutions and prisons buy it all.


  119. 119
    Cleggeron says:

    let the criminals run wild and free

  120. 120
    lolol says:

    Come on Federer!

  121. 121
    Quentin Lets Go says:

    Its taken me 6 months, 17 phone calls, 8 letters, and several headbanging sessions to get back the tax HMRC owe me and its still not right. Just what do these people do all day? Its our money and in this case mine – who the fuck do they think they are???

  122. 122
    Lord Goldsmith's warning to Tony Blair that Iraq war would be illegal says:

    Former Attorney General Lord Goldsmith warned Tony Blair three months before the Iraq war that an invasion would be illegal, secret memos showed today.

    The Cabinet Office published Lord Goldsmith’s first draft of his legal advice and confirmed that he had serious doubts about the legality of the conflict without a fresh UN mandate.

    The memo, released under the orders of Cabinet Secretary Sir Gus O’Donnell, was written on January 14, 2003.

    It stated: “My opinion is that resolution 1441 does not revive the authorisation to use of force… in the absence of a further decision of the Security Council.”

    The memo also made clear that Lord Goldsmith found arguments in favour of a war without the UN resolution “unconvincing”.

    Yet within days of giving his opinion, he flew to Washington for a meeting with President Bush’s top advisers and changed his mind about the legal position.

    John Bellinger, the former White House legal counsel, later told British colleagues: “We had trouble with your attorney. We got him there eventually”.


  123. 123
    Dack Blog says:

    Christ I’ve been fretting about why that was. I can sleep easy now.

  124. 124
    soft on crime, soft on the causes of crime says:

    Howard hits out at jail term plans

    Conservative former home secretary Michael Howard has hit out at controversial proposals by Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke to send fewer criminals to prison and use more community sentences.

    Mr Howard – who famously coined the expression “prison works” – said that he was “not convinced” by Mr Clarke’s more liberal approach to penal policy.

    “I think in order to protect the public, serious and persistent criminals need to be put in prison,” he told the BBC Radio 4 PM programme.

    “I think that is what conscientious judges and magistrates are doing at present and I think that is the best way of protecting the public.”

    David Cameron defended Mr Clarke’s plans, saying that he was being forced to take radical action to deal with the “complete mess” that Labour had made of the the criminal justice system.

    “I believe that prison can work, it is just not working properly at the moment,” he told MPs at Prime Minister’s Questions.

    “If ever there was a part of our public services that needed radical reform to make sure prison does work, that’s it.”

    However there was anger among Tory MPs after Mr Clarke used his first major speech as Justice Secretary to question the value of “banging up more and more people”, suggesting it was a throwback to the Victorian era.

    He said that sending offenders to jail often proved to be a “costly and ineffectual approach that fails to turn criminals into law-abiding citizens” and called for “intelligent sentencing” with a greater focus on rehabilitation.

    Tory backbencher Philip Davies warned that Mr Clarke was out of step with ordinary Conservative supporters who voted for the party at the general election.

  125. 125
    Dack Blog says:

    Seems they don’t need the LDs to infight with.

  126. 126
    Engineer says:

    I once worked with an engineer who in a previous employment had designed high pressure water jet cutting equipment. The early ones were not as powerful as the modern ones, which can cut 6″ thick steel at a push, but one application he designed a machine for was a bakery. Apparently for catering markets, they make the loaves about ten feet long, then slice them. Cutters tend to crush fresh bread, so they used the HP water jet – very successfully. You’d think the water would soak the bread, but you need so little of it that it didn’t.

    When he related this tale, one of the draughtsmen asked him why he hadn’t installed two nozzles, one for the water, one for butter, thus producing ready sliced and buttered. The draughtsman was told to travel, with jerky movements…

  127. 127
    Head Lizard says:

    They are there to stonewall you until you give up and they get to keep it

  128. 128
    Sinbad says:

    Divide and rule.

  129. 129
    concrete pump says:

    Oh well thanks, i was only trying to be mildly interesting.


  130. 130
    Cameron backs Clarke 100% says:

    It’s mere huffing and puffing from Howard and others

    Dave knows he has the right of the Party firmly on a leash and they will behave

  131. 131
    WMD my arse. says:

    So does this finally prove what the whole world has known for years-that Blair and his cronies are war criminals?

  132. 132
    concrete pump says:

    That was at Dack, not you Engineer.

  133. 133
    Dack Blog says:

    I’m sure he is Clarke-ish. Not sure about the right in the longer term.

  134. 134
    Jethro says:

    here’s how the local crims view it. They rode up to the prison on trail bikes, smashed their way into the 4×4 that is used to patrol the perimeter. Poured petrol into it while the others held the warders at bay, set it on fire and rode off. This was to warn them to stop searches for mobile phones and drugs.

  135. 135
    Dack Blog says:

    Sorry. Fascinating, both. If a bread-related conversation comes up at work tomorrow I’m bound to impress ;)

  136. 136
    Engineer says:

    HMRC are institutionally incompetent. Get a good accountant to do your tax returns – they’ll save you more than they cost just in time saved.

  137. 137
    Britains Got Mongs says:

    I hated Britain’s got talent until I saw the mongs who thought they were brilliant. I found their idiocy highly entertaining, like jesters. I have just had the same with Big Brother,watching the reactions of the mongs on it

  138. 138
    Engineer says:

    We try our humble best…do we get an A*?

  139. 139
    Engineer says:

    How do they know that it wasn’t a large cod with a bad case of flatulence?

  140. 140
    Dr David Kelly says:

    Presumably the Chillcot inquiry can’t call John Bellinger to give evidence?

  141. 141
    anon says:

    I find it best not to waste my time watching shite like that.

  142. 142
    Head Lizard says:

    hite van man jailed after deliberately running down stranger because he thought he was unemployed

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1290246/White-van-man-jailed-deliberately-running-stranger-thought-unemployed.html#ixzz0sN3jTj65

  143. 143
    Head Lizard says:

    Extradite him. Oh that only works the other direction.

  144. 144
    Government.Mafia says:

    making sure the troffers don’t go to jail and when they troff they don’t either.

  145. 145
    Government.Mafia says:

    Well that did not go to the post it was meant for “soft on crime, soft on the causes of crime”.It shows Guido’s web designers is a total incompetent and should not be hired by anyone who wants a serious professional site

  146. 146
    The Green Man says:

    ’cause there aint no more large cod left. You ate them all!!

  147. 147
    Engineer says:

    Ask the Peterhead trawler crews…..

  148. 148
    lola says:

    AC1: Three cheers for LVT then? After me now. Hip! Hip! Hooray!!!

  149. 149
    Daniel says:

    Once again, a very interesting read – I feel for those staff who had there wages cut – next time could IPSA cut MP’s wages, and keep it that way?

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