June 30th, 2010

Calamity Kenny Spinning for Ed Miliband

In a quick update to the Labour Political Advisers list, Guido was most amused to hear that omnishambolic press officer Kenny Young has managed to keep his job. If you reward the slavish loyalty of greased-up party hacks who come up through the youth ranks with cosy press office jobs, you may find they don’t exactly have the talents required for such a high-pressure environment. Kenny is about as loyal as they come, a co-conspirator reports that he openly told people he styled his hair on Gordon Brown’s while chairman of Labour Students. So loyal he was assigned to be Gordon’s political press officer for the election campaign. Which went well.

First there was the infamous door opening for his hero Gordon, which the Tories quickly turned into an attack poster:

If that wasn’t bad enough in late April young Kenny was accompanying the Prime Minister on a trip to Rochdale. What could possible go wrong? Well any experienced press officer would have checked that their boss’s microphone was switched off after an event. Kenny was inside Mrs Duffy’s house as part of that hugely successful contingent of Brown staffers begging her to come outside after the apology.

Instead of firing this inept and useless spinner he’s got a new job. He’s now Ed Milband’s Head of Press… what could possibly go wrong?

UPDATE : Punters give Ed a 25% chance of becoming Labour leader versus a 62% chance for his brother David. No odds available on Kenny’s chances one day.


69 Comments

  1. 1
    hot gossip says:

    an ‘ally’ tells me your svelte figure is a homage Eric Pickles

    Like

    • 4

      Your ally is badly informed, it is an homage to Guinness.

      Like

      • 18
        Bored at Work says:

        Which is why you look like a barrel?

        Like

      • 34
        jgm2 says:

        Has that English-hating cu*nt Andy Murray been knocked out of the tennis yet?

        One can never completely relax until he’s been knocked out.

        Here’s another Scottish arsehole with a typically modest approach to sporting brilliance…

        http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2010/8774163.stm

        Scotland would have got through to the quarter finals this year. If they’d qualified.

        Just like Denis Law reckons Scotland should have won the 1966 World Cup. If only they’d qualified. And been parachuted into an England-Scotland final without any of the silliness of preliminary rounds or quarter finals, semi-finals, trivial shit like that for players of his stature.

        He’s serious too. He really means it. Scotland robbed of the world cup in 1966. Just because they failed to qualify and because England didn’t just play their way through to the final and then substitute Germany as opponents at the last minute.

        And, yet again, Scotland robbed, robbed I tell ya, of a quarter final place.

        No wonder they keep voting for lunatics like Brown. They’re all fucking mental.

        Like

        • 39
          Sir William Waad says:

          The Irish, who really were robbed of a World Cup by the cheating French, don’t whinge half as much as the Scots, who haven’t produced a footballer of international class these past 20 years.

          Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Sir William, what players of international class were evident in the England squad again. Please run their names past me again I must have missed them.
            And whilst on the subject how many managers of international class have the English produced in the last 20 Years. If the answer is Harry Rednap then God help you.

            Like

        • 48
          Anonymous says:

          You don’t half have a high opinion of yourself, do you jgm2?

          Like

          • Anonymous says:

            jgm2 is a well known blowhard on this blog. He went awol on election night for some reason. Wonder why hmmmm

            Like

        • 64
          David Camoron says:

          Come on England!

          Like

        • 65
          Anonymous says:

          Jgm2 your rather chippy are you not. Last thing we need is another Englishman with an inferiority complex. Your Team were shite, with only 3 Goals scored in the entire campagne put on the worst display by a British Team at The world cup in living memory. Deal with it you bigoted little Englander. Oh and yes I see Murray is now in the semis : )

          Like

      • 50
        jgm2 says:

        Made the mistake of reading one or two of your posts before. They’re shit.

        No point repeating the experience.

        Pip pip old bean.

        Like

      • 52

        My first paragraph was worded wrongly.

        The rest stands.

        So what was it; Daddy, home schooling or (if you went to school) the PE teacher?

        Like

  2. 2
    MOUSE,ABOUT TO ROAR says:

    EVERYTHING WE HOPE!!

    I PRAY FOR A DAY OF TRUTH AND RECKONING> FOLLOWED BI A TRIAL OF THE GUITY!!XX

    Like

  3. 3
    Fucked off says:

    Shoot the miserable turd. Put the arse licker out of his misery. WotaHunt.

    Like

    • 21
      retro bandit says:

      “Kenny is about as loyal as they come, an old ally reports that he openly told people he styled his hair on Gordon Brown’s while chairman of Labour Students.”

      He’s got to be a wrong’un on all levels.

      Like

      • 59
        simon r says:

        Especially as it was their pubic hair we are talking about.

        ( apologies to anybody having lunch )

        Like

  4. 5
    Praguetory says:

    Here’s Kenny

    Like

  5. 6
    Tossflap Watch says:

    Such talent!!!!!!!

    Like

  6. 7
    Rick Loose says:

    I dont get out much these days

    Like

  7. 8

    He openly told people he styled his hair on Gordon Browns…………..LOL!

    Really?

    Btw, ‘omnishambles’, what a great word.

    Like

  8. 9
    Tossflap Watch says:

    Not.

    Like

  9. 10
    Sarah Tweet says:

    while *writing* today I spent much of it thinking about what kind of new background I would like on my Twitter page #nowaytogetabookwritten

    Like

  10. 11
    Social Origins of Dictatorship says:

    boring. do something on the new spads, and their humungous salaries, if you have to concentrate on staffers. bit low grade though. there are 600+MPs and a similar number of peers to focus on.

    Like

  11. 13
    All P1ss and Wind says:

    Wind, hydro and other renewables supplied 6½ per cent less electricity than in the same period last year, with hydro down 44 per cent as a result of less rainfall. Wind, hydro and other renewables accounted for 6 per cent of the total generation.

    http://www.decc.gov.uk/assets/decc/statistics/publications/trends/1_20100621151118_e_@@_trendsjun10.pdf

    Like

  12. 15
    Seth the pig farmer says:

    Brown: “Kenny, while you’re down there……”

    Kenny: “mmmm, mmmmph, mmmmph”

    Like

  13. 16
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    These are mere predules to the magnificent return of McBride!

    Like

    • 58
      The Rt Hon Lord Dr Derek Draper VC DFC MC Phd MA (in not at Berkeley) GCSE Grade C Home Economics says:

      Its only a matter of time. You fucking RACISTS!!!!

      Like

  14. 17
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    So the higlights of his life involved styling his hair like our Dear Leader and placating a pissed off pensioner.

    Clearly his well of talent is yet to be tapped.

    I wonder how much this utter waste of blood and organs gets paid…

    Like

  15. 20
    Idiot Quotient says:

    “Instead of firing this inept and useless spinner he’s got a new job.”

    Good, the more incompetent idiots in the Labour Party the better. Shouldn’t be difficult.

    Like

    • 24
      jgm2 says:

      Good, the more incompetent idiots in the Labour Party the better.

      I’m not sure about that. We just had 13 years of testing that theory to destruction.

      Like

  16. 23
    Phil O'Pastree says:

    All Big Wheels need a bitch and such is wee Kenny’s niche.

    Like

  17. 27
    Labour - War - Occupation - Torture - David Miliband says:

    So there is a 62% chance of a war criminal who is guilty of running a torture programme winning the Labour leadership contest.
    Sounds about right.

    Like

  18. 28
    jgm2 says:

    Perhaps that’s why there’s no sign of the Maximum Imbecile. He’s effectively housebound now that there’s not a constant parade of sycophants to hold doors open for him as he walks around. He just keeps bumping off the walls as he tries to find his way out of the house by trial and error.

    Either that or he’s a craven yellow cur who is sulking.

    Like

  19. 29
    Engineer says:

    “….Brown staffers….”

    Says it all, really.

    Like

  20. 33
    Budgie says:

    So David Milliband is the most likely to succeed (well, succeed Brown)? It will be interesting to hear what he has say, as leader of Labour, about the complicity of the Labour government in torture and rendition whilst he was Foreign Secretary. Won’t the brothers and sisters like that.

    Like

    • 35
      jgm2 says:

      He’ll take a leaf out of Abbott’s Bumper Book on Debating.

      ‘I have nothing more to say’.

      Like

  21. 37
    Sir William Waad says:

    Meow! A saucer of milk for Table 1!

    Like

  22. 38
    MILF Lover says:

    Phwoar! Caroline “Shagger” Nokes has her yummy cleavage on display in PMQs.

    Like

  23. 40
    Chairman of the I Hate Diane Abbott Society says:

    Labour are in planted question overdrive today. Even Michael Meacher, who once had principles, has joined in. The gutless Hunt.

    Like

    • 54
      I'm no labour drone but you are a spastic says:

      How the flying fuck can the opposition “plant” questions? That would be known as “opposition”.

      The process of planting questions involves backbench MPs on the GOVERNMENT side flooding the table office with questions inspired by the department being questioned, thereby increasing the chance of “good” questions making it through the shuffle and thereby giving the answering minister an easy time plus a good idea of the unknown supplementary questions that can be asked.

      And, in in any case, that process applies to departmental question times, actual specific questions are rarely tabled for PMQs.

      Ye fucknugget.

      Like

  24. 41
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ll be back…

    …to collect my payslips, before returning to the Killkiddies and Cowdungbeef General Hospital.

    Like

  25. 42
    Postal Vote says:

    Ed Balls will become labour’s chief gunner. And let’s face it, he’s a good campaigner who can speak in outside-25 lingo, off the cuff, with down-to-earth accent. If Whelan gets Balls a safer seat, one in which he’s less dependent on postal votes, I think Balls will prove quite a formidable campaigner.

    Like

  26. 43

    Labour delenda est. Oh and the Tories as well.

    Like

  27. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Well any experienced press officer would have checked that their boss’s microphone was switched off after an event…

    So that they could slag loyal supporters like Mrs Duffy.

    Arseholes every one of ‘em.

    Like

  28. 49
    Mr Abdul Jihad says:

    What is this leader elections you talkings about? We do not believes in democracy. It is most unholy. Elections are for western kafirs.

    Please giving me much free benefits. Thank you please.

    Like

    • 57
      Mrs Simisole Rasclart, Head of Council Recruitment says:

      you be our new community cohesion diversity officer now. 38k plus travelcard and house benifits. Pleased you on board. Send your people please to me now for more jobs.

      Like

  29. 51
    Nick2 says:

    Westminster Green on DP – it looks like a piece of waste ground now!

    Like

  30. 63
    G Henry says:

    BevaniteEllie: @AliBulger if u recall,I said I would do so if they implemented these singeing cuts and removed 50p tax rate.As yet,they haven’t done latter

    BevaniteEllie: @chrisjw133 @lukebozier that’s what I meant! We’re half way there.

    Does anyone aprt from BevaniteEllie understand this?

    Like

  31. 68

    […] 30th, 2010 Calamity Kenny’s Latest Comedy Moment An update on calamity Kenny arrives from Scotland in the inbox: You may like to know that Kenny today led Ed Milliband through […]

    Like

  32. 69
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Kenny haircut Who?

    Like

  33. 70
    Anonymous says:

    Have they never heard of door wedges?

    Like


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