June 17th, 2010

Gordon the Scottish Dancing Monkey

Paul Waugh reported yesterday evening that the real reason the former Prime Mentalist was seen in public for the first time in a month yesterday was to disprove rumours (first reported by Guido) that were going round primarily in Labour circles. Namely that Gordon was undergoing some kind of post – breakdown psychological treatment. Dance monkey, dance…

None of this takes away from the fact that it is wrong for him to expect the taxpayers to pay him £1,264-a-week to stay at home in Kirkcaldy writing his personal memoirs. Incidentally, it seems Guido isn’t the only one to have noticed that Gordon is becoming markedly more Scottish once again…


  1. 1
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Can’t wait for his book. Got all my colouring crayons lined up . . .


    • 7
      • 43
        Mr Ned says:

        I cannot believe that I could be defending anything about Gordon Brown, BUT he is using his Scottish accent more? Some people do soften their accents naturally when not living in the locations from which their accents derive.

        I know when I was living near London that my strong Northern accent changed and softened and was tinged with the dialect of where I was living at the time and this happened naturally without any conscious thought as a consequence of communicating frequently with people who did not have the good fortune to have a Northern accent.

        Whenever I returned home, my accent came back.

        Brown has been back in Scotland for some time, of course his broader Scotch accent will have returned.


        • 52
          johnny says says:

          Brown’s Scottish accent has not returned due to spending time at home. It was quite noticeable on the Duffy recording and he had merely gone from bullshitting a person in public to bullshitting about them in ‘private’ in the space of a few strides.


          • Disaffected says:

            Who cares, either way he is lying scum who is now turning his hand to make money from the time he was in office- when he nearly bankrupted the country and was party to thousands of people dying- and now he seeks to profit from his incompetence and rotten behaviour. The proceeds should be given to the victims of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Blair should donate his assets as well.

            I’m still up for a lynching of Blair, Brown and Bad Al!


        • 79
          Anonymous says:

          Sounds like you are a schizo. Go see your doctor.


        • 110
          Anonymous says:

          He only ever spoke twaddle in any accent


      • 104
        Cap'n Scooby says:

        You can just f#ck off Guido, all right? You got what you wanted, Gordon out of power and your simpering frigging love-in double act in power.

        Can you not just stop being a childish, vindictive, petty little man for one minute? Gordon Brown has achieved more (and in a positive way) in his life that you ever seem able to. All you want to do is tear, and sneer and belittle and laugh and make snide remarks and burnish your own inflated self-image as a guardian of liberty or whatever…

        Just give it a rest sometimes…god…..


        • 112
          Aye, I'm Scottish says:

          Ooooooooh, get her.
          Calm down dear, Brown deserves it all ….. and more, MUCH more.


        • 121
          brownless says:

          careful cap’n scooby doo doos the chingrinner is, was and will remain a complete twat who deserves all the crap anyone can be bothered to summon up…don’t blame Guido blame all of us as well…our shoulders are broad..in short fuck off


      • 126
        Low Life Watch says:

        censored to fuck.


    • 18
      Anonymous says:

      Not entirely O/T:


      Another Scottish headliner.

      Frankly Phil McAvity, the dental mental expert, has resigned over comments aboot a wee lassie. He had a “hingin’ ee” fer her cuz she wuz fair lookin’ like a bonnie Fillipino. drool drool drool.

      And how many of us have had even less honourable thoughts about the fairer sex?


      • 22
        Unsworth says:

        Maybe, but how many of us have been so bleeding stupid as to announce them through an open mike – especially after the McCavity catastrophe?


      • 81
        Maximus says:

        This being the 21st century (for some), it’s not honourable thoughts it would seem matter to the fairer sex, but equitable ones.


  2. 2
    JiveLad says:

    When I saw him talking at a school yesterday, I thought: “why is he putting on a Scottish accent”? Then I realised – that is probably how he normally speaks.

    And has anyone noticed how David ‘Vulcan’ Miliband sounds ever so much like Tony Blair doing his estuary accent?


  3. 3
    Nick2 says:

    He’s the best living argument for Scottish independence (or should that be English?).


  4. 4
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    Economy in ruins, fiscal position in worst state since 1945, Pension Funds on verge of collapse, demographic changes to England make certain parts unrecognisable, ruled by the EU.

    We call that ‘ Mission Accomplished’ up here, ya sassenachs.


    • 8
      Backwoodsman says:

      The only crumb of comfort being, that after Bliar so comprehensively laid waste to the countryside, the rest of you are now feeling the pain as well, courtesey of gordon. at least we never voted for the fuckers – hopefully the rest of you have learnt your lesson.


  5. 6
    Lord Grytpype-thynne says:

    The absence of Gordon Brown from Parliament is a growing scandal.Insulting to the House of Commons, it is shocking that he is not representing his own electorate there, particularly as it is the actions of his own government that are now having to be unpicked.He clearly does not have the stomach for it so why doesn’t he apply for the Chiltern Hundreds? Could it be because of the nice little earner he is paid for being an MP on top of his pension as a former Prime Minister and the various other goodies available on the Westminster Gravy Train?


    • 11
      G. Brown says:

      Yes, it is the prudent thing to do.


    • 12
      Albie Here says:

      Who give a toss about his electorate,they voted the tosspot in yet again,even knowing the damage he did to the rest of the country,they deserve him as much as he deserves them.


    • 13
      Genghiz the Kahn says:

      Does a runner and resigns as Leader of the Opposition, and leader of The Labour Party. Leaves Darling, Balls and assorted muppets to stand up and defend his fantasy figures for growth, inflation, employment, job creation, budget deficit, and national debt. Walks off from Downing Street with his kids, so no silly questions from the Press, due to some obscure convention which he and Blair brought in, its to protect the children…

      First seen at a college in Kirkaldy, avoids questions about his conduct as PM, Labour Leader and why he is stepping down. Meanwhile Clegg and Cameron start laying into his fantasy island economic forecasts and his assorted fiscal fuck-ups.

      No sign of the Hunt for another month, while he draws a salary, good to see that Westminster is so compasionate, one rule for us, another for him. Meanwhile Toenails Robinson, and the assorted Hunts of Fleet Street and White Powder City say nothing, and ask nothing which might compromise the Great Former Helmsman’s recovery, or whereabouts. So Toenails, Polly Twaddle and Mikail Shite all think it is unworthy of us to ask Where’s Gordon, and don’t think it odd that the Saviour of the World, First Class does a James Purcell and vanishes for weeks at a time, leaving the finger puppets to take the blame.

      Brown appears in public at a primary school, on the day that unemployment is again rising due to his magnificent stewardship of the economy, and on the day O’Bama decides to lay into BP with penal penalties. Once more, Brown uses kids and his own convention to avoid questions about his decisions, his responsibilities his foul ups which lead to Labour’s biggest electoral defeat since 1931.

      This man has no morals, no leadership and is lucky that he is not given the Admiral Byng treatment.


      • 20
        jgm2 says:

        Makes you puke doesn’t it?


        • 78
          HandsomeDavid says:

          Makes you puke even more when you find that during this period of inactivity his pro-rata expenses claim will not be inactive.
          Well thats a good socialist for you. In another world it would be called theft.


      • 26
        Scrag him says:

        Isn’t there a mischievous MP willing to table a motion of censure?


      • 35
        Max says:

        Do they still allow the deranged close to school premises in Scotland; particularly with there, no doubt, being firearms around?


      • 95
        Jesus was a homo says:

        Absolutely spot-on!


      • 107
        All Lib Dems are Tossers says:

        Hear hear! Gorgon is a pig ignorant scottish tw@t who doesn’t give two fecks about anything apart from his massive ego – oh how I miss him!


  6. 10
    Elvis says:

    Put the F**ker down- hypocrital, bullying, cowardly, incompetent, lying Jock hoon.


  7. 15
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Jack Straw does the same with his accent. When in Lancashire all you hear is a Harry-Enfield style “put t’wood in’t ‘ole, lad” as if he thinks he’s fooling everyone.


    • 113
      I'm Will's dad, me, says:

      He is, himself, the oily, self-satisfied, smug fancier-of-Rice.
      Maybe it’s because of his middle name, Whitaker?
      What an R Sole.


  8. 17
    Andy says:

    To be fair he has put in a few hours over the last 3 years.


    • 19
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      That is the root of the problem. As Wellington said, “the good Lord save us from the industrious incompetent”.


  9. 21
    Socialism Ate My Future says:

    Guido I think we should do a “Where are they now” post showing the revolving door of politics and buisness.

    I’ll start; Ruth Kelly now at HSBC


    • 27
      Gordo is the saviour of the known universe and some! says:

      Christ if I’d known that it explains why their customer service is going down the toilet!! Time to close my accounts and move on!!


      • 32
        The Court of Public Opinion says:

        She’s gone to India?


        • 48
          Gordo is the saviour of the known universe and some! says: says:

          That also explains why my Internet connection is knackered at weekends. Can’t these ex labour MPs be placed in a secure institution where they cannot inflict any more harm on the hapless population of the UK, sorry England!!


      • 91
        Susie says:

        We’ve been invited to an HSBC black tie dinner…

        I’ll be asking why Ruth Kelly’s on the board. If I receive no satisfactory answer, I shall have to decline any investment opportunities in their bank citing their employment of this nonentity.


    • 38
      Komich the Tiger says:

      One of the fuckers must be at BT then


  10. 23
    Gordo is the saviour of the known universe and some! says:

    Look, Gordon is only doing what most of the other MP’s are doing. How many of them actually attend the debates in the house? Not very many! They may appear from the bars and clubs in order to vote on issues (with no idea with regard to the preceding debate) as dictated to by the party whips regardless of the position of their own electorate. The only difference between most back bench MPs and Gordon is that he has decided to be absent from the chamber at a greater distance than most other MPs, which may not be a bad thing. Gordon has worked hard for this country (Scotland) and has seen employment and investment increase in the area, we owe him a lot. The economical problems that now face the country are not really down to Gordon, it’s just that the rest of the world cannot comprehend fully the complexity of Gordon’s overall solution. I’m sure that if his financial policies were fully understood and fully implemented by the financial world we would have nothing to worry about.
    Ah! Got to go now as my friends in white coats are arriving and they don’t like me playing on this computer thingy..

    I say:-Gordon for chief minister of Scotland,


  11. 24
    Parly says:

    Has GB actually sworn in yet? I can’t see it anywhere, and if not, he isn’t getting his expenses


    • 31
      Teach'her says:

      T’was the only day he turned up… signed the register, then bunked off like a naughty schoolboy who knew he was in trouble with the headmaster.

      Never was one for facing up to his responsibilities & shortcomings, was Brown.


      • 64
        Dig for Victory says:

        That is what MSM reported, is there proof? Anyone under a certain age could forge his X. Yesterday was so stage managed and scripted it was impossible to tell if the retard was medicated or capable of independent thought


  12. 25
    Michel d'Anjou says:

    Don’t forget that as a retired PM he also gets the additional attendance allowance- that’s around an extra £109,000 per annum.


    • 76
      Auntie Flo' says:

      For the onerous task of completing two sides of an A4 sheet once a year. Introduced by Blair, wasn’t it? Bl**dy typical. Time we cut out these outrageous Ex-PMs’ snouts in the trough expense perks paid to Blair, Brown and Major. Don’t count on it long term, wee Gordie, Cameron’s on your case.


  13. 28
    NeverRed says:

    As Balls,Millibands,Burnham,Mandelson,Campbell and every Labour MP would say

    “I have to tell you”,”The truth is”,”To be honest”(notice how every one of them start their sentences with these lines) Gordon Brown was a genious as a Chancellor, he saved the world, he was the best leader of the Labour party and the country………………..

    Brown is the most cowardly,incompetent,lying,two faced,one eyed scots bastard this country has ever had to endure. We need English Independence and quick.


    • 53
      johnny says says:

      have to tell you”,”The truth is”,”To be honest”(notice how every one of them start their sentences with these lines)

      Replace lines with ‘lies’.


    • 123
      Terry Leahy should be tarred and feathered in public says:

      A good start, NeverRed, but you forgot economically illiterate, bullying, bigoted, scheming, verbally incapable, vicious, moody, misogynist, snobbish, smearing, – AND the Cyclopian bastard married purely for political advantage. That he is still snouting with his fellow failed politicians makes me want to buy a Claymore and stick it deep in his…….oh, hang on, he doesn’t have any guts to stick it in. Bugger.


  14. 29


    I enjoy seeing photos of Gordon making an arse on himself playing a sport whilst wearing a suit.

    Could you please report any rumours you hear that Gordon’s “good eye” is failing – because I would love to see the dancing Scottish monkey do something like this again in order to prove his virility.


    • 33
      Teach'her says:

      Wasn’t that the time he was playing against a kid, and completely twatted the ball back at him to make sure he won the point…?

      Worth looking around for the video clip – it makes Brown look even more of a dysfunctional weirdo & sore looser than normal.


  15. 30
    simon says:

    The problem with GB is that if you know him-personally (this takes a while)- he is personally warm and respectful. A LOT of his constituency activists will move heaven and earth for him. When his ‘darker side’ comes into play it’s when his own bullshit comes back to haunt him;and whence his sense of self-importance becomes damaged/questioned. As with a lot of his countrymen it’s a case of ‘when you start digging-dig deeper.’ Labour bankrupted the country. Blair/Prezza/Straw/Brown et al are ALL responsible. GB knows this deep down and i suspect is personally mortified. It’s a shame that most people see ‘Bonkers Brown’ and not the usually personable character. The history books will judge him as weird as Heath and a deserved piss-poor PM. That’s some footnote for your life’s work….


  16. 36
    James42 says:

    We hear that he will soon be joining battle to stop the SNP winning the Scottish elections in May next year. Why doen’t he just give up? Labour has done more than enough to ruin and emasculate Scotland without more intervention from him and them.

    Last night on TV we saw how the natural resources of Africa have been exploited by foreign companies and corrupt governments to the disadvantage of the indigenous population. Exactly what has happened in Scotland at the hands of Westminster governments.


    • 49
      Mr Ned says:

      That’s why Scottish Labour are almost 20 points clear of the SNP then is it?

      Those Scots? Are they insane? Well fine, let them vote in a labour administration in Edinburgh then we should have a referendum on Scottish independence in the rest of the UK. When the English vote overwhelmingly for Scottish independence we should cut those parasitic fuckers loose.

      Let them really feel the consequences of their idiotic voting decisions. When Scotland votes labour, the English should NOT bail the fuckers out!


      • 127
        James42 says:

        You perpetuate the myth being pedalled that England are financing Scotland. Scotland has all the resources and the talent to stand on its own two feet, but whether England could survive without Scotland’s resources is questionable.

        In all sorts of ways, including the fact that Scotland exports it’s surplus electrical power to England, the oil revenues and the tax from the Crown Estates are taken directly into the London Treasury and, whilst Scotland is handed its pocket money, England gains from Scotland. Scotland is not the lame duck economy that the English media try to portray and you have fallen for the lies.

        Scots voted Labour in a foolish attempt to protect themselves from a destructive Thacherite Tory government being elected, but this is like peeing against the wind as we do not have that power whichever way we vote. We always get the government that England wants. More and more Scots are beginning to realise that.

        Independence is what we want. Having the millstone which is England around our necks is no longer acceptable.


  17. 39
    Mrs David Kelly says:

    The legacy of McDoom has been that anyone with a jockanese accent is treated with suspicion as a narcissistic bully, abuser and thief.


  18. 41
    Gordon Brown says:

    The breakdown started in America.


  19. 45
    nell says:

    Apart from the fact that he is taking taxpayers money (£1260 per week to apparently laze about at home just like a benefit scrounger) pretending to a worthwhile author, his aides gave the odd order yesterday when he visited that cowdenbeath school, that no adults were to be permitted to ask him any questions.

    There is something very strange going on there. And gordon is ducking and diving and lying again.


    • 51
      Mr Ned says:

      I hope they counted the children before, and after, his visit!


    • 59
      rocknrolla says:

      Of course he is really earning more than that.

      Is he drawing his PM’s pension yet?

      He’ll be having contributions made to his future pension.

      Plus his expenses account.


    • 74
      Bill Clinton says.... says:

      Shame I wasn’t there. ‘No adults were to be permitted..’ – I would have been proud to have been physically dragged out by his henchmen live on Sky for being so impertinent as to ask this fucker a question.

      Come down to Sainsbury’s on the Isle of Shite and see what the people really think, you Scottish C**t!!


  20. 47
    Overheard at hospital says:

    Mr Brown, can you…

    Call me prime minister.

    But you’re not prime minister anymore. Anyway, can you please tell me why you have such a temper? And why you throw phones at people who upset you?…Mr Brown, please don’t throw your phone at me. Just answer my question…Mr Brown, calm down…OK, Prime Minister, can you please calm down.


  21. 50
    albacore says:

    “Dance monkey, dance…”
    Sodding Fawkes himself is even parroting the window-lickers’ lines now.


    • 62
      New Labour Saved Britain says:

      Do you think they could make glass in different flavours? I’m bored with the “urban pollution”.


  22. 54
    Sir Edmund Bollocks says:

    Don’t be so howwible about my fwiend Gowdon.


    • 67
      Suranthony Steen says:

      Well wearlly. He’s only weeturned to his wurwal weetweat. Like me he has a countwy wesidence but people tell me mine is warther like Balmowal. It does me warther nicely and you’re all jealous.


  23. 57
    nell says:

    What is really amazing is that gordon managed during his term as PM to wrap himself in perpetual bad publicity with one flawed decision after another and that he’s still doing it now as an MP.

    Whatever his mental state, and given what we saw over the last two years, he is obviously a pretty unstable character, he was nonetheless well enough to go on a visit to Cowdenbeath School (although the school authorities should be questioned about allowing such a person, when such strong rumours are questioning their mental wellbeing, to fraternise with their pupils).

    Nonetheless, if he was well enough for that he is well enough to put in attendance at the HoC , even if only occasionally. Had he done that there would have been no speculation about his mental condition.

    As it is now, he has entrenched the general belief that he has had a mental breakdown by his persistent strange behaviour that has continued over many weeks.

    And whatever he does now he is never going to scotch them!!!


  24. 60
    Hazel Blears says:

    Gordon’s doing what he’s best at and that’s getting on with the job. He is writing about the GLOBAL crisis and we should all be grateful that he was there to save the world.


    • 72
      Cheshire Cat says:

      Fuck off you crimial, robbing, mould ridden cun*t faced twat. You should be in prison not H o C. Gwyneth had your number!!


      • 114
        Hazel Blears, it'll end in tears says:

        You only pick on her cos she’s small.

        And ugly.

        And useless.

        And I agree with you.



  25. 61
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve just been busy preparing my new Queen’s Speech for Parliament, and meeting with ministerial colleagues.


  26. 63
    Cherie says:

    Poor Gordon. You just have to laugh.


  27. 65
    Peasant says:

    Nowt to do with you Guido. If the people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath want a dancing money, then that is what they get. It is called democracy.

    (By the way, Brown has a majority of 50.2%, so I guess that means that his constituents really do want him.)


    • 80
      jgm2 says:

      And, coincidentally, when the Maximum Imbecile eventually falls off his perch they will ‘want’ the next Labour Chimp just as fervently.


    • 115
      Jack D., Harriet's bitta ruff says:

      Postal ballots methinks.


  28. 66
    Rt. Hon. I M A Dissembler MP says:

    What a shame the new OBR has come up with better economic figures than Oiky Osbourne told them to.


    • 69

      Sainsburys down. Tesco a measly 0.1% up.
      The next batch of retail figures are appalling. 2.5% growth is looking extremely optimistic. More like 1.5%.

      Unless England start playing some football then the June/July are going to be poor too.


      • 117
        Rt. Hon. I M A Dissembler MP says:

        Supermarkets and retail sales. The hallmarks of a 21st century economy. Only a house price boom could make the picture rosier.


      • 124
        Terry Leahy should be tarred and feathered in public says:

        Fuck Tesco.


  29. 73
    Catosays says:

    £1264 per week……how much is a new rocking horse then?


  30. 75
    bofl says:

    will gordon be off to mykonos for the summer?


  31. 77
    bofl says:

    just why is gordon allowed to visit schools?

    as usual he has no mandate.

    why should he be allowed into a school and disrupt their day ?

    what possible benefit does it have for anyone?

    sending a one-eyed phuqwit into a school gurning and salivating must be child abuse? he can’t write and he certainly can’t add up so wtf is he doing there?

    as usual……….any benefit would be solely for gordon.

    a complete waste of 15 stone of plasma!


    • 90
      Chav says:

      Leev my telly alone or ill nut u.


    • 99
      Four-eyed English Genius says:

      he can’t write and he certainly can’t add up

      You normally go to a school to learn to do these things. Maybe that is why he visits so many!


  32. 83
    BBC memo says:

    We’ve commissioned a hogmanay special. The usual stuff, pipers, sword dancing & women flashing ginger minge under bits of tartan.
    Compere will be a seasoned entertainer from Kirkcaldy. He’ll do all the
    classic songs like ‘I Syringed In Glasgow’ with a troupe of peers dancing
    the Gay Gordons.


  33. 84
    Colly Wobbler says:

    Gordon’s true accent could be heard when he was caught on mike in the back of that car. Clearly, he was trying to hoodwink the English electorate all of those years.


  34. 85
    Thirsk and Malton. says:

    Put him on sick pay then.


  35. 86
    broon says:

    Guido’s got it wrong
    This is where Gordo is—> http://bit.ly/cHd9RH


  36. 87
    Cut it out says:


    Just stumbled across this vintage piece on Al Jabeeba. Reminds you of where it all went…


  37. 89
    Jack Hughes says:

    Obviously not well enough to undertake the arduous journey to the HoC and to discharge his obligations to his constituents (and the taxpayer), but stoically and selflessly able to overcome his profound debility to feather his nest – sorry, I mean, to work on a private undertaking to the benefit of the country (a literary jewel in the political crown, no doubt).

    Remind you of anyone?


    There’s that tar-and-brush Labour thingy going on again.


  38. 96
    the last quangoin paris says:

    he’s up there and sarah is having lunch in notting hill – who is paying for all of this travel? why can’t he get his backside into the house of commons that is what he is meant to be doing! i can’t bloody bear him and his falseness – what good does disrupting a class of children do them? he should stop putting himself first and get a grip.



    • 125
      Tesco Is Shite says:

      If you were married to the one-eyed moron wouldn’t you rather be in London than up there in Jockland? “My husband. Your prime minister.” Barf.


  39. 97
    I hate New Labour says:

    Why is Brown still obsessed by the media?

    He’s a figure of no consequence these days.

    He should sod off and let the grown ups run the country now.


  40. 100
    Sir Keith Joseph's Preserved pulsing head says:

    It’s disgusting that the fenians want to pursue soldiers into the courts ( one rule for the IRA another for the British Army) while Brown gets away with it all


  41. 101
    Elby The Berserk says:

    Scottish? Sorry, he’s North British – he said so.


  42. 103
    Shirt lifter says:

    Personally I’d like to see GB 24/7 on my TV,swinging from a lampost. Ruinous bastard.


  43. 118
    Dance Liar Dance says:

    So will you run a story on Mad Nads breakdown too ?

    It’ a rumour I’ve certainly heard.


  44. 119
    Nash says:

    Since Gordon is writing his memoirs on Parliamentary time, the royalties should go towards the national debt payoff.


  45. 122
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    Bet Brown was imbibing at The Noble Ox Hotel before he invited his friends at The BBC.


    Is this the best the uniquely funded public service broadcaster can do, 25 secs of reporting after Brown’s nearly seven weeks’ absence from public view.

    If it is it is bloody pathetic. The BBC are full of Labour loving, Brown worshiping Hunts.


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