Goodbye Melissa Lightwater
So the Londoners’ Diary got the scoop that was four years in the making – the Speccie’s secretly authored column, Tamzin Lightwater, the Bridget Jones of the Tory world, was penned by the Sunday Telegraph’s Melissa Kite. Entertaining readers and irritating CCHQers, her insight and titbits about life in Dave’s war-room were remarkably accurate given the amount of people, often on the inside, sending tips her way. Guido is kicking himself he didn’t make the connection before – all the clues were there – she ended up Associate Editor of the Speccie and, if her Facebook profile is anything to go by, she has more than a passing interest in horses and Tory-ness. The column is wrapping up now the Tories are “In Power” – so long Tamzin.
who?
http://www.lg15.com/lgpedia/images/e/eb/Melissa_Kite.jpg
Sorry, wrong Melissa Kite! Try this one: http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/files/2010/03/melissakite.jpg
Some old slapper from the press.
The columns are really funny and well crafted. Your comment just betrays your ignorance.
Ignorance of the MSM is bliss.
They grow fat on turkeys like you.
The Spectator is hardly the MSM – fool.
Are you the chap that had it off with Draper’s bird? Over the bonnet of your Spitfire?
Melissa Kite is certainly no old slapper!
Au contraire! Hunky
Yawn !!
Ah, the delightful and fragrant Melissa:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/3640000/Beware-the-blogger-boys.html
“I now speculate that the Tory leader knows exactly what he is dealing with and will completely ignore them”
Like with Obama and BP love ? Right.
This is more interesting
“Tuscan Tony proposed various methods for finding me romantic happiness”
Quite so.
Hadn’t realised our activity sounds so dreadful, as though I am participating in something rather unpleasant
Tony, do you remember what garypowell proposed, sounds fun?
I think it was something to to with her needing a large portion of green and elongated and exceedingly posh summer sandwich vegetable (only available in sliced format), which would most certainly “sort her out”.
I love cucumbers.
Tuscan: im pissing myself laughing. You have been elevated to the rank of LEGEND!!
Count me in. I would.
Goodbye Tamzin Lightwater, hello Larry Lightweight !!
Yep, the rightwing bloggers are losing interest now the maximum imbecile is exiled in Scotlandistan.
Letter from a Tory was the most recent to close his blog.
So what now, leftwing blogging is on the up.
Guido, you need to regroup, relight the fire and find a new angle if you are to stay in front.
Even Iain Dale is looking for a new career as Petrie Hosken’s faithful Border Collie, jumping into the driver’s seat when she pops off on a jolly.
The new coalition 1 story-a-day news cycle is leaving us all a tad news-light!
Even the 150 quid appearance fees are drying up, especially as the BBC are having to save money for their war chest.
Could we be witnessing the first blogosphere famine?
I’m the only slag that counts!
Ah, Gastight Ellie.
Ride my muff.
Belly Dullard
Along with your Somali pirate loving dyke of an MP…McCarthy
I’ll have an S Bob
Ed will be PM by December!!!
December 2025? Don’t hold your breath…
You wanted Brown out for taking down the party, fair enough, but why do you want Brown mkII in by Christmas?
Are you some sort of double agent?
No, just fickle and with the attention span of a gnat.
Modded for an observation WTF are you playing at Guido??? Your credability is going down the pan with me and a few other.
Get a grip man!!!
Did you mention lizard headgear, Sir T?
He has advertisers to consider. Mustn’t upset the clients.
Quite.
Bevanite Ellie may be a cun/t but she’s got a cracking pair of legs:
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/04/13/article-0-091B6041000005DC-996_468x471.jpg
he looks as she’s restraining a fart!
Or rather… She looks as if… (you know the rest).
Mind you, the first version could apply to the middle one!
Who is that weirdo in the pink tie? He looks slightly familiar
I think he used to be Gordon Brown.
She appears to have a very low-slung pelvis.
Like her knickers…down by her ankles
Who’s that C’unt on the right – did he used to be someone?
Sitting next to Sarah B, a Tasmanian Devil would appear to have a cracking pair of legs.
This bitch in white gives me the horn. I’d love to pound her up the arse whilst giving her a good smack.
No sign of the great scotch McBustard there.
As I said yesterday, he MCBustard is currently in Cape Cod on its annual mating migration.
Watch out for the trail of disasters as it migrates North and East for the winter, but be assurred that the banana republic of Fyffe will be saved by our munificence.
Was he in the Gulf of Mexico a few weeks back?
I’m bored with the muddle east.
Ah – the beloved donkey punch – more satisfying than a dirty sanchez.
Dodgy surname
Watch out for the parents:
http://clivedavis.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/03/27/fredkite_2.jpg
Yup!
Clueso
Cato.
Is Melissa Kite nice an’ tight?
She looks fap-tastic in this photo:
http://www.lg15.com/lgpedia/images/e/eb/Melissa_Kite.jpg
Yummy!
fap fap fap
(flapflapflap) SSSSSQUWWWWAAAARRKKKKK!!! (lettuce)
Cough! Nurse!
Although only a recent Speccy subscriber, her column is one page that I flick over quickly to read the (IMO) more interesting stuff. Maybe it was better when Blair/Brown were in in power as well as in office.
Nick2- you’re not the only one, i’ve been reading the Speccie for years but, after its first couple of appearances, I never bothered reading her column again. Probably its really for in the know metropolitans .
Probably like Bridget Jones in the Indy – nobody read it, nobody liked it, but they still made two execrable films from it – watch out for Melissa Kike – The Edge of Treason in your town cinema soon….
Some things we miss looking at what we desire eh?
Pentagon Manhunt.
The founder of Wikileaks Julian Assange is the subject of a huge manhunt across the United States.Anxious that Wikileaks may be on the verge of publishing a batch of secret State Department cables, investigators are desperately searching for founder Julian Assange
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-06-10/wikileaks-founder-julian-assange-hunted-by-pentagon-over-massive-leak
Dear Mr Pentagon Man
If you look at the twitter page you will see that he is in Vegas.
Can I be in your gang now?
Thats from a mobile ding dong
You want to try reading the full story before you open your stupid trap,and your films are shit too.
I do hope the Americans haven’t been behaving like c’unts – that would really surprise and dismay me.
Hope Assange is OK and that the US can’t keep the lid on whatever shit he has on them.
I hope they have the same team on it who have had such success finding Osama bin Laden.
Assange may be back in Oz but more likely he’s somewhere in Europe. He’s been on the move for years and is many steps ahead of that bunch of cowboys.
“ConservativeHome had to defend itself from
Tamzin Lightwaterjournalist Melissa Kite who had a go at ‘Tory blogger boys’ in The Sunday Telegraph.”http://conservativehome.blogs.com/frontpage/2007/05/monday_21st_may.html
I thought everyone knew that Tamzin Lightwater and Melissa Kite were one and the same.
Is it my eyes or am I seeing flames every now and then?
http://www.bp.com/liveassets/bp_internet/globalbp/globalbp_uk_english/incident_response/STAGING/local_assets/html/Skandi_ROV1.html
Not a well blow, it’s a burning chip pan at Harry Ramsden’s
FFS Guido, get a grip on this modding, lad. H*rry…!
i wuv your big tits tony.
I am working to reduce myself to a DD cup.
Let’s see if this gets through…
Mark Oaten, Peter Mandelson, Brown and his rocking horse and pampers
Got modded. I’ll try again…
M*ark O*ten, P*ter M*ndelson, Brown and his r*cking h*rse and p*mpers.
The modding is arbitrary it seems, unless I*l*m is mentioned in unflattering terms.
mods and why
D*rink Because Guido is an alky
Bank*rupt ………. a bankr*upt
M*arkets Guido might miss something,insider tips
D*runk see 1
B*np guidos advertisers
all the rest because he is mental
Jizzlam
Sometimes stuff about driving doesn’t get through either, cause of his convictions.
For some strange unfathomable reason, Empl*y triggers the censor too.
Or maybe some people come here in the distant hope of reading posts that aren’t made by trolling сunts wanking on about the ВNР and drіnking.
See you’ve locked your blog. Tat too much eh
A US client is circling, might not appreciate it. Hence lockdown for the next few days.
Is the client BP lol
it rhymes with that certainly
Nothing to buy
and if there was I would be making sure that it was worth jack shit
How can there be flame in the absence of Oxygen? Some of the billowing crude looks lighter, but presumably that’s dependent on its dilution with seawater & well gases.
FWIW the stuff washing up on the beaches looks more orange.
I’m on my way
David Cameron has announced that he will be holding a Downing Street reception especially for Gay celebrities.
I do hope they’ll be using the rear entrance.
So Radio 2 wont be broadcasting that weekend then.
It will include that tosser who ruined Father Ted and is now on everything that BBC tv puts out. Useless gobshite.
GET ON BETFAIR AND PUT A WAD ON US TRASHING USA IN THE WORLD CUP TOMMOROW.
STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT OBIMBO.
O bimbo may be about to make a bad mistake
http://weeklystandard.com/blogs/sources-obama-administration-support-anti-israel-resolution-un-next-week
Plane Crash or JFK style job on Obama soon then for biting the hand that feeds.
Anyone else picking up the weights and looking out for twenty something year old women on nights out?
Nope I’m wealthy so fuck off.
Sense of security
Like pockets jingling
Midlife crisis
Suck ingenuity
Down through the family tree
Old man – fifty comes
With aches and pains all over –
Death will soon take care.
© Haiku’s R Us 2010
Fifty comes?
No wonder he had aches and pains all over!
Sounds a bit ‘rapey’.
Just get yerself off to Thailand. Lovely young things and no nagging.
I was just doing a bit of digging about Guido’s post about GM and Monsanto and came across this . It looks like it’s not just GM and Monsanto to look out for
http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/yes-they-really-do-want-to-reduce-the-population-22-shocking-population-control-quotes-from-the-global-elite-that-will-make-you-want-to-lose-your-lunch
Concern over world population control has been about for at least 30 years. When did China introduce it’s law that each couple could only have one child? India did something similar in the 1970′s when it tried (but actually failed) to limit families to two children.
Let’s face it starvation in the third world, where over population is more prevalent, is a constant problem.
An even bigger problem though is that of the aggressive salesmen from m+ons+anto exploiting those fears particularly in India where they have promised that their GM seeds will solve the world food crisis by producing more food from the same acreage. Despite claiming that their expensive seeds, which Indian farmers struggled to afford, were drought proof and would produce high yields, monsan=+to’s gm crops failed in India’s notorious drought ridden summers. Farmers are going b++ankr++upt in their droves.
Now Russian scientists, who have been carrying out investigations into gm foods fed to several generations of gerbils have said that the gm food resulted in the gerbils becoming less reproductive or even sterile.
You and I might be horrified at such a finding, but I suspect mons++anto chiefs realise that here is yet another lucrative sales avenue to aggressively pursue and this time with world leaders rather than the farmers at the bottom of the food chain.
I wonder where caroline spelman and her gm foods lobbying husband fit into this jigsaw??!!
One problem old whitey can’t be blamed for is overpopulation.
Maybe, maybe not. But as I point out above ,the yanks particularly, but British companies too ( spelman’s etc), are not above making big profits from the problem with false promises of being able to solve it.
It was all the fault of gutless Gordon.
I could convince a lot to vacate
The Indians actually went one better under Indira Gandhi and forcibly sterilised Moslems – a policy which several UK towns would benefit from, IMHO.
If we can’t send the buggers back, at least we could stop them breeding….
Hey is that true ? It seems like the answer to Europe’s problems.
Population size and growth is the elephant in the room, it’s like the final levels in a computer game, resources are finite and growth in consumption is almost exponential, and what are we using these precious resources for?
Talking of ‘Tory’ press, the invitation to renew my sub to the paper copy of the Telegraph arrived today. We like to have real papers to read over breakfast, as well as the internet, but I really don’t like the increasing left wing bias of the Telegraph. But where else does one go? There appear to be no civilised centre right papers left…
Nope.it’s all over for you Tory boys
There’s always the Murdoch shilling. He employs most of the top Tories, so the rest of the party should come fairly cheaply.
It’s either the Labourgraph or Rupert’s rags. The WSJ’s not too bad for business news, but whenever I’ve read the paper edition is it seemed to be predominantly…American.
I see Steve Hilton’s getting the blame from Tory Ministers for Dave’s craven attitude to Obama.
Come on Labour give us the Leadership Battle we all want to see, that is The Cat fight between Harriet and Yvette !!!!! You know its what we want, fight, fight, fight !
Cripes. No election (the Labour leadership doesn’t count) and wall to wall football.
Grumbleweeds
I’d be down the local if I had the energy – though rumour has it they’ve contaminated that bolthole by ‘borrowing’ a flatscreen off Dodgy Harry.
Wall to wall football? Bah, humbug.
Actually, it’s not so much the football – twenty-two blokes kicking a ball round a patch of grass can be quite entertaining at times if they’re good at it – it’s the wall-to-wall hype that pisses me off.
Consequently, I’ve covered the table with a large blanket, stocked up the shelter thus created with tins of beans and bottled beer, and for the duration, shall emerge only to visit the bog and listen to Test Match Special. (I may take the lap-top with me to monitor order-order, just in case something interesting happens.)
“….it’s the wall-to-wall hype that pisses me off.”
Well said Eng.
Why don’t you two miserable arses go and sit in Engineers shed together, and discuss Tory policy?
Policy? Not in my shed. Nuts and bolts only. And cricket. Oh – and beer. And pretty girlies.
Quick! All round to Engineer’s shed. He’s going to put his nuts in the vice.
Shut the door, ladies, and I’ll introduce you to my vices…
Don’t hold your breath girls.
On the other hand…..
They’ll be back soon.
Sure Grandad. we’ll be back to tuck you up with a Horlicks and a copy of Meccano weekly, featuring a build your own coalition, using only thieving old has beens, and Lib Dem rabbits blinking in the headlamps of government.
Youth is wasted on the youthful
Well you missed a big pair of draws. (Unless you’re Diane Abbott’s neighbour and have been spying on her washing line).
“Winter draws on, Miss Abbott.”
“None of your business.”
It’s not the size of one’s knickers that counts, but what’s in ‘em.
It’s the fucking swarms of trumpets
By the time I’ve consumed the baked beans and beer, I can do my own trumpeting.
Was that you at both statiums today then Engineer?
Grief man, you made a right old racket.
Do us a favour, see if you stick to only two or three tins before the England match.
O/T Name me one tweet that has changed the world.
Um.. well sarahbrown said the other day that she sent gordon out to morrison’s to buy world cup stickers and books for the boys?!
I bet he went in his suit and tie!!
it was a red tie with extra starch and ironed at a right angle so it pointed directly ahead with the words scrolling down “this way”
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Even Dave’s hero Blair came across a more plausable football fan and he was a lying cun’t
Come along nell.
There’s only one type of jacket Browns wearing today and it’s not available from armani.
Name me a blog that changed the world.
Guido. Really, it has, and he’s too wasted (I hear from a source not unadjacent to him at the mo) to deny this or be flattered by it.
If blogging really changed anything, they’d ban it. But with Fawkes and Dale leading the sheep by the nose, why would they need too?
Liebore tried that didn’t they?
TaT’s blog
oh wait I was just dreaming……..
Well not changed the world perhaps, apparently only gordon can do that!!. But Guido’s Blog has been the one that has significantly impacted both on Westminster and on us peasants at the same time!
You’ve hit a chord Guido. Raw politics indeed!
one spad fired
world changed
Well, how about the bloggers who bust Copenhagen wide open saving you, me and our grandchildren a few trillion?
Tweetypie
Guess I’ve got my answer. Thanks, confirms my suspicions.
“The column is wrapping up now the Tories are “In Power””
Well it’s something to think about.
But then we wouldn’t be treated to your pearls.
You can’t say P* A * U * L or S* T * A *I* N* E* S* either
Can you say all politicians are egotistical, self serving, arrogant, thieving, lieing, snouts in the trough, expense fiddling, EU traitorous, pretending a free holiday at our tax cost is really a fact finding mission, sexually deviant, did i forget to mention thieving, bastards of the first order, or is that banned?
I can.
You miserable lot of bastards. She was funny, and usually to the point. Go stuff your envious heads up the nearest camelid.
Camel Prostate is a delicacy i’ll have you know.
Very tasty
nom nom nom
I have a letter from the most important man in Britain.
Mr Van Rompuy writes……
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/video/2010/jun/11/david-cameron-afghanistan-troops-speech
dave’s message to the Troops from Fabio and the England Team!!
Win the world cup, and nell invites you all to a roast.
By jingo! what is this ballfoot lark they are all parping on about,.. Hmmm?
Get Boris over he might know what it is
http://cyberboris.wordpress.com/2010/06/11/boris-blows-a-vuvuzelas/
BREAKING NEWS. Boris blows a vuvuzelas. See the pic. and hear the noise. What a trouper!
Makes a change from him blowing the Telegraph to the tune of £250,000 a year.
Which bright spark thought it was a good idea to give the South Africans those stupid horns they keep blowing and making every game unwatchable after ten minutes of that noise.
Rendering the Radio commentery unlistenable !
Got to love how the mosques will square voting for the Milliband brothers with Allahs ‘chosen’.
The Queen is a traitorous scumbag who signed away the Nation’s sovereignty against her own oath at her coronation.
I nearly pissed myself laughing.
prince Charles is a better queen
Fucking inbreds. Just like an arranged marriage in Bradford.
Would we rather have the Queen as Head of State or do we want bliar and slot gob! Hmm??!
How much do we think bliar and slot gob would leach from the taxpayer as President and wife Hmm??!!
You can be absolutely certain that it will be £millions more than the Royal Family!!
You’re wasting your breath on these envious prats.
Can your mind not think beyond Blair and Labour? And envious of what? Someone who swore an oath, in front of the nation, to defend British sovereignty and the realm, and has signed away that promise without a murmur.
She is a traitor, pure and simple.
Fuck off tat
I’m insulted to be confused with that lowly dog.
I bet she looks good in skin tight jodphurs, no knickers, top boots and bent over a saddle pulling her firm cheeks apart and begging for a spanking followed by a good hard rogering
Good evening Mr Clerkenwell. Did you enjoy the sermon?
Keith Vaz has just seen this and blown off yet again
The west midlands are now awash in ooze
President Osama has threatened to nuke Keith if he doesnt cease to gush filth
We love Israel.
At least that’s what they pay us to say.
Any chance a play with your fun bags old girl?
As you are now unemployed I may have a position for you, its right under my desk
bored with the footy.Watch new film the runaways
http://www.wisevid.com/play?v=4AbxvtJwggqb
Nice to see the picture of Melissa Lightwater interviewing Samantha Cameron on the right after the Mrs Thatcher picture.
I’m so..o!! sorry you feel that way about edballs.
I really think he would be the best leader for labour!!!
FREEEEEEEEEEEE NELSONNNNNNNNNNNNNN MANDELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Barry O’Barmy should put his wetsuit on and go plug that dirty hole (he can sort the oil well out, too…)
His wife’s arse would cork it !
If it’s not corked soon, there will be no haddock and cod left!
FACT: Boris Johnson is more popular than David Cameron
Where do you get this “fact”?
Most illuminating.
A black eye for ffawkes, getting scooped on this one, though!
You’re either a Spectator, or you are a window-licker…
It seems that the true nature of the new government is shining through now with Osbourne telling us taxes will have to rise to pay for the eco/green fraud.
Oh yes tax rises to finance rich people getting richer and carpet baggers exploiting the subsidy scam.
Every scam artist and crook will be licking their lips in anticipation of the new goldrush to come, it will make the EU CAP look small time. Subsidising projects like windfarms with taxpayers money in order for rich people to get richer by milking those who can least afford the crippling taxes already in place and the coalition wants yet more taxes to be thrown into the black hole of the eco fraud.
Windfarms are the very essence of the fraud, they do not work,are hugely expensive,do not even generate any net electricity and their sole aim is to run a meter showing how much free money the owner is raking in by subsidies. Wherever a subsidy is in place the fraudsters gather like hyenas round a sick buffalo and just like the EU the king of the subsidy fraud the UK is following like the good dog it has become.
All you who voted ‘tory’ deserve your fate, you truly deserve do and you aint seen nothin yet! If you thought newlabour was crooked they were penny ante amateurs compared with whats coming, does Zac not have enough money? People like him always need more money and there are tens of billions at stake and all paid for by stupid gullible fools who believed honest Dave.
Fractional reserve banking + greedy bankers + socialist governments = Social and ecomonic depression. Sadly, it’s all going too smoothly…
Yep, windfarms. Total waste of money. What happens in winter, when the winds don’t blow? Should have started a new nuclear program long ago. Also, I think we underestimate oil reserves (or rather the public are not told!).
Sssssh… don’t mention FRB in here, or you’ll have idiots telling you that a) you don’t understand it, and b) you’re some kind of libertarian nutcase.
It’s the elephant in the room, the creator of fictional growth and the driver of inflation and recession.
(dupe post due to moderation of the R word lol)
I’ve found the Holy Grail, the unmentionable. Psst… don’t mention gold!!!
Only tens of billions, Cassandra?
It’s more like trillions if you factor in the carbon credit trading – an immediate injection of hundreds of billions of invented credit into the world economy, backed by the promise of taxation on the consumer.
If you thought Enron was bad, just wait for the carbon credit shysters to start milking the gullible and trading imaginary money for fun and profit.
If you’ve got the patience to read it, you may want to take a look at http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/images/stories/papers/reprint/empirical_evidence_for_celestial_origin_of_clim_osc.pdf
It’s a bit heavy on the maths, but it shows how little the geography students who pass themselves off as climate scientists understand about the factors influencing our weather and temperature – as an example, over 60% of the ‘warming’ seen from 1970-2000 can be explained by natural processes, and that’s without a proper adjustment for the urban heat island / land use change effects.
Keep it up – you’re always insightful, especially when you disagree with me
Thanks Para for that, will read it ASAP, it could well be trillions if the bastards get away with it.
O.T. The Deepthroat oil spew is a monster global catastrophe. Pretty soon the Gulf Stream will sweep the slick towards Europe.
There is something sinister in the reaction by Gov’ts and Transoceans actions to this. The list is long, but here’s a few:
a) The US Navy and Coastguard should have jumped in immediately. Possible detonation of a nuclear device in the well head to cut the flow.
b) O’Barmy is deflecting responsibility to Britain, when we all know Transoceans and Halliburtun (Dick Cheney again) supplied the safety valves.
c) Oil drilling in US has regulators. Just like the banking crisis, they were paid off to not do their job.
There is a monster oil field below the Gulf of Mexico (similar to Saudi, which has been spewing over 100,000 barrels a day for 70 years). If it’s not capped it will cause Global devastion.
Strange how the ‘Green’ groups have gone quiet! Why? They’re in the pockets of the oil companies and Gov’ts (just like the ‘Tea Party’ has been infiltrated by the neo-cons).
Dave should be tough on Barry this weekend. So far, Dave has made good progress on the deficit, Afghan, vision etc. I’m impressed and surprised!
Tally ho!
I’m not sure a nuke would have been appropriate, but surely the use of a suitably shaped charge to forcibly collapse the pipe should have been considered?
It could have been done the day after the failure, and yes – there is something funny going on with oil and gas in the US at the moment. There were two explosions of natural gas pipelines last week, both apparently due to workers puncturing the pipeline while drilling holes to erect electricity pylons. I can’t believe that even the Yanks are stupid enough to do that, especially twice in a week.
It’s almost enough to make me take my tinfoil hat out of the cupboard!
Hey Paragnostic. Some are estimating 200,000 barrels a day. This is a v. powerful oilfield and they wont fix it with sellotape. BP are saying it’s under control, but it isn’t. MSM are talking about the clean-up, but the filthy stuff is still gushing out.
The sheer power of flow demands a massive explosion…
Russian oil experts predict a change to the Gulf Stream. I’ve read rumours that this was deliberate, but will keep a sensible head on conspiracies…
I can’t see it changing the Gulf Stream course, but what it could do is to further sterilise the warm water by reducing the oxygen content – both by the oil itself mixing in the water, and by the effect of smoothing / sealing of the surface by the slick.
This would not be a good thing for fish stocks on either side of the Atlantic, and may well kill off the European eel for ever – they migrate across the Atlantic to breed, and any disruption in the Gulf will be catastrophic.
If there is such a thing as cod futures, today might be a good day to start shorting them…
Oh dear the Government have apparently back tracked on landlord and letting regulations. Now landlords can carry on doing what the heck they like.
A man is walking along a deserted beach, finds a lamp and proceeds to rub it. A genie appears and grants him any wish.
“I wish I was always hard and could get more arse than anyone else”
So the genie turned him into a seat at the public toilet.
Peter Mandelson finds the lamp and says “I wish I was always hard and could get more arse than anyone else”
So the genie turned him into John Prescott.
“Sorry mate, I thought you said ‘always lard and a bigger arse than anyone else”
Britain’s economy grew by 0.6% in the three months to May in a sign the recovery is gaining momentum, a leading think tank said today.
The National Institute for Economic and Social Research (NIESR) said its estimated quarter-on-quarter hike in gross domestic product (GDP) was “the first real indication that the economy is growing at around its trend rate”.
NIESR’s May calculation comes after it said GDP rose 0.7% in the three months to April.
But the group warned that severe Government austerity measures to cut the public debt could hamper the path of recovery.
The debt crisis across Europe could also knock UK growth, with a strengthening pound adding to export pressure, according to NIESR.
It said that, while there had been “a clear improvement to UK growth”, there are “a number of factors which will impede growth in the coming months, the most serious of which is the stupidity of the coalition government”.
NIESR said the UK was now in a period of “depression” – a period when output is depressed below its previous peak – which was likely to last for some time,since the election of David Cameron as Prime Minister and the failure of the coalition to solve the problems created by Lord Ashcroft.
Suggest you fly off to La-La Land maybe someone there could use this piece of crap commentry,what the f*ck has the price of fish got to do with Lord Ashcroft,everybody knows it started in America,besides the NuCons are bought and paid for by the EUSSR and you can’t serve two masters.
Apart from the 0.6% figure is precis is complete rubbish, and unrecognisable from the report.
http://www.niesr.ac.uk/pubs/searchdetail.php?PublicationID=2632
Well, clients are canceling orders and BQ industries had a compulsory two weeks holiday. Lads are quite pleased with world cup on and all. Hope They realise that if it doesn’t pick up by July, then that holiday will become permanent.
It is slower now than at any time since 2007. That’s bad as 2009 was barely survivable.
Just seen Dave on the news doing his passionate (he’s not good at passion is he?) ‘Come on England!’ appeal. It’s okay Dave… you’ve won the election. You don’t have to drink pints and eat fish ‘n’ chips and stuff anymore.
Just seen Dave on the news doing his passionate (he’s not good at passion is he?) ‘Come on England!’ appeal. It’s okay Dave… you’ve won the election. You don’t have to dr*nk p*nts and eat fish ‘n’ chips and stuff anymore.
We will find out soon if he is a Jonah or a winner,who the hell cares who wins,business is the winner, the rubbish they’ve sold the chavs unbeatable.
I was smashing this bird up the dirt track last night, when I noticed a stange tattoo across her cheeks, ‘E=MC2.’
I thought, “Fucking smart arse”.
Gotta love that Sarah Teather bird, eh, Nick?
I just put out my St George’s flag for the World Cup, but I wasn’t sure if it would offend any Muslims.
So I wrote “Allah is a Hunt” on it just to be certain.
Do it properly – you need to write
الله قد مات — نيتشه
on it (just for a laugh, of course)
Even though I never stopped telling everyone at every opportunity that the World’s problems started in America, I enjoyed a great relationship with Omaha.
So why does President Balack Omaha insist on telling everyone that America’s problems are all caused by British Petroleum ??? I blame David Cameron.
I don’t smell very nice this morning. I think I must have recieved an O.B.O. In the Queen’s Honours.
England manager Fabio Capello has revealed Guido Fawkes could be fit to play some part against the United States in Saturday’s Group C opener
I won’t be quoting this kind of nonsense in my memoirs, which I’m hoping to get out before Tony and all the others get theirs out on the Fiction section of the bookshelves. One Cabinet minister said: “We all thought Gordon was a brilliant policy guru, fizzing with ideas, but it turns out he isn’t at all.”
Trust me, he’s ‘fizzing with ideas again’ !! http://tinyurl.com/37dwm5z
I will be eating pie and mash at a smashing place just off Golborne Rd this morning (11 AM)
Come along ,all are welcome and I have £500 behind the counter
It’s me getting to know my fellow cockneys
Dave
Can I come along too as I’m working hard on my estuary English ?? Tony has been coaching me for some time now.
Guido, I wouldn’t touch her with yours…