Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Project Bake ‘n Tweet went well, spent my Friday afternoon trying to comprehend the nanny and extract her recipe for Romanian lasagna so I could put it on the Twitter. Hopefully the translation went well and I think I came across as a normal family man.

The campaign team is growing now the nominations are in the bag, was a little embarrassing when it was just the Speaker’s wife manning the phone lines. Not exactly sure what she does and the wine supplies at the London HQ were really eating into out budget. Alex has agreed to stay on and loyally spin, despite a pay-cut, or possibly just because he can’t find a job.  Alex says he has secured the support of left-wing nut-roots blogger Sunny Hoondal to back me, which just shows how popular this anti-immigrant thing is becoming on the left. The interwebs is mine, I will be leader.

Charlie reckons the immigrant bashing will play well with union members, if we can succeed in getting Diane Abbott nominated it will work even better. Spent the weekend bashing Poles and Turks – it’s almost as if I’m fighting my local campaign on a national scale. It will upset some of the Party but I’ve got to do something different though, the membership polls aren’t looking too good. How dare they rank me least popular politician in the country?  Even bloody Mandelson is more popular. It’s all Gordon’s fault, he keeps calling me but I just get Nicola to tell him my battery is dead.

Andy Burnham is looking likely to get his 33 nominations despite everything.  Not so easy to put the frighteners on nowadays. Sometimes I miss Damian.

*As leaked to Guido



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

GuidoFawkes Quote of the Day

Sky News ask a “Labour representative” where the local St George’s Day events are. He replies:

“You’re better off asking the UKIP candidate” 

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Flashback: Labour’s Shadow Housing Minister Opposed Rent Controls Flashback: Labour’s Shadow Housing Minister Opposed Rent Controls
What’s Claret and Blue? What’s Claret and Blue?
Media Idiocy Media Idiocy
Tom Baldwin Wrote Toxic Migrant Briefing Tom Baldwin Wrote Toxic Migrant Briefing
Ed Weaponises Dead Migrants Ed Weaponises Dead Migrants
Taking the P**s: ANDROID IN APPLE UROLAGNIA SHOCKER Taking the P**s: ANDROID IN APPLE UROLAGNIA SHOCKER

TELEGRAPH TELLING FRACKING PORKIES TELEGRAPH TELLING FRACKING PORKIES
ED MILIBAND IS READY ED MILIBAND IS READY
MILIBAND’S IDEOLOGICAL GURU IN PAY OF SAIF GADDAFI MILIBAND’S IDEOLOGICAL GURU IN PAY OF SAIF GADDAFI
PEAK #SEXYMILIBAND REACHED PEAK #SEXYMILIBAND REACHED
A Lifelong Labour Voter Speaks A Lifelong Labour Voter Speaks
NUS Conference Censor UKIP NUS Conference Censor UKIP
Plug Pulled on Labour Interview, Again! Plug Pulled on Labour Interview, Again!
Mrs Danczuk’s St Phwoarr-ge’s Day Message Mrs Danczuk’s St Phwoarr-ge’s Day Message
Lutfur Rahman Guilty of Bribery and Corruption Lutfur Rahman Guilty of Bribery and Corruption
Greens Want to “Keep Global Temperatrures Below 2 Degrees” Greens Want to “Keep Global Temperatrures Below 2 Degrees”
Newsnight Does Kim KarSturgeon Newsnight Does Kim KarSturgeon
MEET GAYZER FRACKMAN, THE ANTI-FRACKING FANBOY MEET GAYZER FRACKMAN, THE ANTI-FRACKING FANBOY
Nigel Farage v Evan Davis Nigel Farage v Evan Davis