June 3rd, 2010

Simple Simon’s Blue Future

After his little cock-up yesterday directing his followers to a Viagra shop, Guido has been thinking of ways he can help former MP and journo Siôn Simon. There was some talk of him running for Mayor of Birmingham but as that job doesn’t yet exist, perhaps he could follow the route of another has-been politico Bob Dole and actually start advertising for Pfizer:

Sadly the original TV advert doesn’t seem to be online anywhere,  but we all know Siôn has a video camera, why doesn’t he give it a go?


  1. 1

    I think Trumpton’s looking for a mayor.

    • 21
      Anonymous says:

      Stupid Kneejerk shrilling in the news.

      Some so call expert says I shouldn’t keep both my ammunition and guns in the same house. And how does he suppose I shoot rabbits with the 22 or Clays with the over under if I have’t access to any bullets or cartridges?

      • 65
        Goose Sauce says:

        I heard the fuckwit bet £500 on David Laws staying when it was blatantly obvious he had to go to all but the most craven and lickspittle of spinners

        What a complete twat!

    • 35
      Larry the Lamb says:

      Ohhh, BAAA!

    • 55
      filipinomonkey says:


  2. 2
    David Laws says:

    Went down Whitehaven for a drink last weekend, the prices were ridiculous

    £3.90 a pint? they want fucking shooting!

  3. 3
    The Archbishop of Canterbury says:

    If I was married to Elizabeth Dole I’d be taking a few more than 3 V a week.

    • 18

      Bob’s recently buffed up………….steady ladies.


    • 20

      Because she looks like an ugly wig on a stick and you need to take the pills out of duty, or because you find her attractive and wish to perform than is required?

      • 23
        Imagine John Prescott without Bulimia says:

        “So you wanna be an MP eh”
        “Got any talent?”
        “No, I am a union guy”
        “We got this radical feminist who really needs to do a gordon and get married asap, you marry her and a bit later you’ll get parachuted into a place full of blindly Labour voters, deal?”

    • 26
      Sir William Waad says:

      Bob never had any problems in that department. He made his money in tinned pineapples. How else would they make the hole up the middle of the pineapple?

  4. 4

    A special ‘ladies’ Toys story.

    “Buzz” – “Woody” and ‘Hand in the box’
    Sion could be Mr potato head.

    • 48
      streamfisher says:

      Harriot Harman reminds me of the freaky toy constructed from spare parts by the 10 year old budding Frankenstein, a dolls head stuck onto mechanical spiders legs.

  5. 5
    George Osborne says:

    I was at a disco last night and they played the Twist, so I twisted.

    Then they played Jump and I jumped.

    Then they played Come on Eileen and I got kicked out.

  6. 6
    Ed Balls says:

    Derrick Bird minicabs – “We are with you in a shot”

  7. 7

    What odds are Political Smarkets giving for Sion Simon ending up in:

    1. A Viagra advert

    2. A low budget reality show

    3. A low budget reality show with Lembit Opik

    4. A low budget reality show, with Lembit Opik and also featuring Viagra

    5. Birmingham as Mayor

  8. 8
    David Laws says:

    I’m sorry I’ll say that again

    죽쒀서 개준 것들 : 1.다이얼패드->스카이프 2.싸이월드->페이스북 3.삼성핸드폰->애플아이폰….. 또 뭐가 있을까요?

  9. 9
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Is this Sion Simon asshole the loser responsible for sending me all those viagra emails?

  10. 10
    Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Punches, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

    Advertising for Pfizer ??? Why doesn’t he get a job that reflects his talents and start delivering Pizza ??

  11. 11
    Grimelord says:

    I see that Prescott is the guest host on Have I got news for you, maybe Simon can kill the fat fuck before he gets a chance to puke his liebour spin to the viewing public

    • 15
      The Court of Public Opinion says:

      Fuck me. The outtakes programme with last an afternoon. Oh, hang on its half an hour long – make that a full day.

      Is this a case of quite literally the inbreds running the show?

    • 16

      Oh my god its true!

      Picture competition…

      Ian Paisley
      Neil Kinnock
      John Prescott
      Groucho Marx.

      • 29
        Sir William Waad says:

        Ian Paisley because….he’s the only one I’ve met.

      • 56
        filipinomonkey says:

        Voice at the back of the studio…

        ‘Can you speak up please Mr Paisley’

      • 61

        Groucho Marx

        All the others said they would not join an exclusive, privileged elitist club, but did.

        Groucho pleaded to join an exclusive club and was refused. Then when the club finally said they would have him, he replied, if they would let him in, he wouldn’t want to be a member.

    • 28
      Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Punches, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

      Host ?? I thought I was going on the programme for toast.

      I hope that Iam Hogslop doesn’t make fun of me and refer to Diary Secretaries. Lardy Pauline would be mortuaryfied.

      • 36
        Anonymous says:

        If he does go on HIGNFY he will most certainly be toast after His & Mert have finished with him.

    • 42
      Prime Minister BALLS - No Thank You says:

      Apparently, Ove Arup have been called in to see if the hosts chair can be sufficiently reinforced to take the weight of the lardy arsed Lord.

      • 44
        Genghiz the Kahn says:

        Stress tests are going to be carried out on all beams in the building.

  12. 12
    George Osborne says:

    My wife got a new job recently. It’s hard to say what she does…She sells sea shells……….

  13. 13
    John Cipher says:

    Simple Simon met a hymen etc… But his vision was blued through Viagra so he had none.

  14. 14
    David Laws says:

    Heard this joke the other day and I actually pissed myself laughing.

    It wasn’t very funny, I have a bladder weakness.

  15. 19

    From previous thread but worth noting..

    Sir Keith Joseph’s Preserved Pulsing Head says:
    June 3, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    OMG just heard the nobody who is MP for Whitehaven ( Jamie Reid) actually scoring a political point about the government honouring the previous lot’s promises on hospital funding ” as yesterday’s events show it necessary”

    What a sick pathetic….
    He’s one to watch for the future

    Yesterday ALL the bloody authorities, the NHS, the trusts, the police the council all came out with mission statements or PR guff in their statements.

    For example the council started on about what a lovely area this is and so many local amenities???
    The police came out with their working hard to keep the public safe from the fear of crime.. and one of the PCTs read out their fluffy bunny ‘warming the hearts of the community’ type bollocks. They spokesperson could barely contain themselves reading out the latest MRSA figures.

    ConLib should stamp out this PR crap, Its one of Labores least endearing legacies to spin everything, even a tragedy.

    • 31
      Half of meths, please, barman says:

      Quite right, Bill, and despite certain foreknowledge of a flaming I must say that certain comments on this blog should simply be deleted by Guido or one of his many interns.

  16. 22
    Lewde Grade says:

    SS has the ingredients to become a Stand Up comic. A bit like Lembik Opik anther prize twat except Lembit has good eyesight when it comes to girls.

  17. 24
    Ian says:

    This is a more appropriate link – http://ed-newsupdate.blogspot.com/

  18. 25
    Dame Davina Pancake says:

    Sorry, but he is a total c’nut – period.

  19. 30
    David Cameron says:

    Miraculously, I managed to drop 200lbs last weekend.

    Best right hook the wife has ever seen

  20. 32
    Hamish D says:

    Watch your language:
    “After his little cock-up yesterday directing his followers to a Viagra shop, Guido …”

  21. 33
    Prime Minister BALLS - No Thank You says:

    Q. What is worse than being directed to a so called ‘dodgy Swiss Meds’ site.

    A. Being directed to an even more dodgy ‘Liebor Uncircumcised’ website

  22. 37
    streamfisher says:

    What makes you think it was a mistake Guido?, he knows all his followers are limp-dicks.

  23. 38
    P. Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

    Whilst you are all waiting with bated breath for another avalanche of New Liebour lies autobiographies, make sure you save twenty quid for my bogbuster of a book.

    It’s to be entitled ‘The Tird Man’. It’s not so much an autobiography, more like a fairy story.

    • 40
      P. Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

      The readers’ comments seem to indicate I’m on a winner here.


      • 43
        streamfisher says:

        How appropriate that Mandelsons book is to be entitled The Third Man, another story about black market racketeering, and who could possibly be Harry Lime?.

  24. 39
    David Laws says:

    Mark Austin on ITN; “What drove Derrick Bird to murder 12 people?”

    It was a Citroen Picasso, you told us earlier you daft Hunt.

  25. 41
    David Laws says:

    Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

  26. 46
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Forget him – he’s just another labour turd soon to disappear down the toilet bowl of destiny.

  27. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Why’s it LabourUncut? Does it mean that it’s not for people who have been circumcised even if they do need viagra?

  28. 51
    Young & Gay says:

    I fancy Peter Mandelson

  29. 53
    Young & Gay says:

    I have an uncut cock ready to be sucked by hot Labour men

  30. 54
    S. Moke says:

    This has defined the company as a trust worthy source and the Tinkerbell Crib Bedding line is just another addition to the wonderful, high-quality items the company produces. You can rest assured that everything in your child’s new room that carries the Disney name will not fall apart at the slightest touch. Plus, you can catch these quality items on sale at your local department stores during ‘white sales’ that will allow you to purchase them at an even better rate.

  31. 58
    David Kelly says:

    Labour & Wood. Bullying, murdering, swines.

  32. 62
    Negative Rights says:

    Limp & lame excuses.

  33. 63
    OiOi says:

    Introducing David. “It Sticks In The Gullet”.

    David Miliband is running as a candidate for the Labour Party leadership.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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