May 25th, 2010

Harman’s Secret Weapon

There was much surprise that Harman came out of the blocks quick, littering her first despatch box attack on the coalition with jokes that Gordon could only dream of delivering. Particularly good was her quip about the Lib Dems wanting to cling on to the trappings of opposition. It bodes well for some entertaining PMQs.

Before conclusions are jumped to that she is a natural, could Harman’s new-found sense of humour have something to do with the promotion of Ayesha Hazarika, a stand up comedian, to Director of Communications of the Labour Party and Deputy Chief of Staff to the Leader of the Opposition? For all the jokes, Labour are still not finding the need to mention that deficit.


  1. 1

    Batty Hatty as batty as ever. Maybe she should get a job at The Comedy Store.


    • 14
      Mrs B says:

      The best joke of all is watching the faces of all those opposition Labour MP’s.

      Yes – “OPPOSITION”. I’m still laughing!! At last we have something to thank Gordon for – making Labour unelectable!

      PS Poor performance really. No substance. Typical Labour jibes. Harperson was an embarrassment to the women she claims to represent.


      • 17
        oldfella says:

        the ‘hole’ of the new old labour front bench was a picture.

        it is obvious that none of them have a clue about the damage they have done

        and the arrogance of some will, hopefully, come back to haunt them.

        who the fuck voted Beckett and Blears back?

        and Gordon, gracious as ever – stayed away – what a fucking bastard he really is


        • 22
          Charles Flaccidwidger says:

          Harriet had a nice easy to read script this time. Wait ’til she has to think on her feet.


          • 50 Calibre says:

            That’ll be the day.

            Hattie doesn’t do original thinking now she has a script writer, come to think of it she never did…


          • Obama is gay says:

            I hope she’s not going to start telling jokes
            about her “Ladybits, Downstairs, Plumbing, etc.” : (


      • 27
        English John says:

        Really missed Jonah McIdiot. I wanted him to explain the silly note from Byrne. Perhaps I’m being cruel. though I think the fool should be made to stand at the dispatch box and ridiculed.


      • 66
        Alan says:

        “making Labour unelectable!”

        And, of course, a special round of applause to David Minibore, who will ensure that by being Blair ark 2, he’ll drag Labour back to New Labour and he will alienate the general membership of the Labour Party. Endorsed by Mandy and Campbell – a strong recommendation indeed!


        • 83
          Archer Karcher says:

          Erm, I think you will find Cameron is Bliar Mk2. Miliband will have to content himself with Mk3, though the brand is well past it’s sell by date and begining to stink the room out.


          • nimeataur says:

            blair is a philanthropic conservative though maybe thats to big a concept for you to grasp but you will


      • 140
        Gordoom cooks the books says:



    • 118
      I'd normally shag the barbers pole says:

      Can anyone even BEGIN to imagine porking her?

      Excuse me while I vomit!!


      • 147
        R.soles says:

        rather her than that comedienne pictured with her on second thoughts milliband in knickers would be preferable


  2. 2
    Harriet Dromey says:

    I will be prime minister! Yes I will! I will, I will, I will!


    • 24
      Charles Flaccidwidger says:

      No you won’t. Now go and put the kettle on, love.


    • 34
      Ivor Tapeworm says:

      Now we get marriage guidance from Harman.

      Harman : “The government can’t pay couples to stay together”

      If your marriage is in trouble, do what Jacqui Smith did, just rent a porn DVD, snuggle together with a glass of wine, watch ‘Florence Fists Fiona’ and put the DVD rental on MP’s expenses.

      BTW Harriet what was the digital camera you claimed for on expenses for? Beaver shots?


      • 96
        Anonymous says:

        Just get the other half a cushy job at your workplace. Pays more than three quid too.


  3. 3
    Up sh1t creek says:

    She was awful as always. Shame on her constituents re-electing her.


    • 6
      Up sh1t creek says:

      Would like to add to my post, that watching Labour attack Cameron on the Queen’s Speech debate is really quite pathetic.

      Maybe one day they will wake up and it will dawn on them quite why they lost the election (and I don’t mean because Labour had not printed enough postal votes with Sanjeev, Piotr and other names to make it look less suspicious)….


  4. 4

    It is a shame that one-eyed-Scottish-Comedian was not able to be there today.

    Everyone would appreciate his great practical joke of selling the gold and investing instead in the crashing and vulnerable Euro……. ho, ho, ho…….


    • 35
      Lord Monteagle says:

      Isn’t it time Guido started another, “Where’s Gordon?”, thread of articles?

      Broon’s probably in some dark linoleum covered kitchen in Kirkcaldy drawing David Cameron’s face on his porridge with a large felt pen before defacing it an eating it.


    • 43
      Anonymous says:

      “not able to be there ” Billy? What is more important for a back bench mp (for that is all he is now) than to be in the HoC? I suspect he will be devoting most of his time to seeking out a well paid tax free post with generous expenses /allowances and a massive pension. Oh, & not more than 3 days per week.
      He can’t have much to do in the constituency;most of them are on benefits.


      • 131
        Southern Softy says:

        Au contraire – benefits devotees are usually the most dependent on anything free, including unnecessary prescriptions and MP’s surgeries, often attended because the welfare has fukked up.


  5. 5
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Bo Selecta!


  6. 7
    Trev says:

    A comedian at the dispatch box? Well labours jokes these last 13 years have had me in stitches. I laughed until I cried.

    Here is a great one liner for the Harridian – ‘Deficit? What deficit?’


    • 41
      Peter Grimes says:

      I thought that the whole bloody bunch of ZaNuLieBor ‘politicians’ were comedians, and they have never, ever raised a laugh from me. Tears, yes, but no laughs at all.

      What a bunch of useless c. unts!


  7. 8

    ‘Ayesha Hazarika’

    Who the fuck is that?

    No, seriously…………….who?


    • 38
      Archer Karcher says:

      A deeply unfunny scotcher. Had to YouTube her and wasted two minutes listening to her “right on ” PC, political “humour”. Fucking dire.


      • 89
        harrietspants says:

        Perhaps they send in Jim Davison for a spot of coaching.


      • 132
        Southern Softy says:

        Should be right up Hattie’s alley (ho ho ho)


      • 154
        filipinomonkey says:

        Could have been worse, could have been Marcus Brigfstocke.

        Wait a minute there’s no f in Brigstocke.

        Sadly there is…


      • 171
        Spindokter says:

        Hazarika is a formal civil servant press officer, (ex MAFF, DTI) who moved over to be Hatty’s spin doctor after effectively doing the same job for Patsy Hewitt while at DTI. Hails from Glasgee. Ex-partner of Ben Wilson, of the BBC – which was obviously a complete coincidence when she managed to front a documentary on BBC1 about being a muslim.


    • 64
      MI5 says:

      Can we have a thread on this true englishwoman please Guido…


    • 67
      • 129
        revolting peasant says:

        That link states that this woman is paid over £50,000 in taxpayers money to act as a special adviser to Harman.
        The fucking joke’s on us…


    • 71
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      It sounds like the involuntary violent expiration that one feels inclined to answer with the words, “Bless you!”


    • 148
      R.soles says:

      a deeply unfunny (and bloody ugly) wimmin’s stand-up


  8. 9
    Doc Trough says:

    I’m Harriet HaHaHarman. I ‘m here all week. You know where to find me.


  9. 10
    John Cipher says:

    “I’m the slattern of a trot I helped get in over my fellow lesbos”


  10. 11
    dr. sipp says:

    all the angry labour MPs making me laugh


  11. 12
    Grockle says:

    Dave pretty effective, I thought. I think I might enjoy him as PM.
    He should wipe the floor with Balls.


    • 26
      Charles Flaccidwidger says:

      Wiping the floor with Balls would just leave some unpleasant grease and sweat stains.


    • 33
      bergen says:

      Ever since I heard Balls’ truly disasterous radio interview with Eddie Mair,I ‘ve been wondering if the Labour backbenchers could be so stupid to put him in against Cameron at PMQs.On the other hand,the alternatives aren’t much better.


    • 134
      Southern Softy says:

      I’ll never look at Balls again without seeing the mental picture of a mongrel dog doing that thing they do on the carpet. Thanks Grockle!


    • 166
      THE BIG G says:

      He hasn’t got a hope in hell of winning the leadership election. He has been infected with the Jonah virus. Have you forgotton how close he was to Gorgon these past few years!


  12. 13
    Lapelbadgeconfusion says:

    Does anybody know what the lapel badges being worn by many Labour MPs are?
    Sorry if I’m a bit thick!


  13. 15
    Matthew Amawillywally says:

    Is she available for childrens’ parties?
    Do I look silly wearing this revolving bow tie?


  14. 16
    MickGJ says:

    So who was writing her material before, eg the “diversity party” routine?


  15. 18
    Maximus says:

    Harman’s up for it IMO – never mind what she says. If you were a girlie with your eye on the top spot, would you rather have a couple of ferrets only down your pants, or a whole sackful of them?

    In typical stalinist fashion she is letting someone else do the dirty work of clearing the field of the crud, the daisies, and the undergrowth, so she can swing more freely at the remaining divvies with her scythe… err hammer… err stiletto… err invective… well, as Guido says, it will be entertaining and just as good i.e. bad, for layber as that load of old Balls.


  16. 19
    George Osborne says:

    I recently responded to one of those TV adverts promising compensation for “accidents in the workplace.”

    Apparently shitting your pants in the House of Commons isn’t worth anything.


  17. 20
    Jonah McDoom says:

    The joke started in America.

    Oh, sorry. I forgot no one gives a shit what I think anymore.


  18. 21
    Labour is harmful says:

    Can Ms Harmen please tell me when her party is going to pay for the damage it has caused me? I am not joking. Cough up. Troughers.


  19. 23
    I hate New Labour says:

    Get used to those opposition benches, you hateful witch.


  20. 25
    Self Harman says:

    Harriet Harman should top herself. Troughing fecking socialist scum!


  21. 28
    craiganthonyryan says:

    What a civilized bunch of followers you have, Guido! You must be so proud. ‘You hateful witch’ was a particularly witty contribution to the debate.


    • 32
      Stronzo says:

      My colleague is a witch. She’s a very nice person.


    • 37
      I hate New Labour says:

      It’s not untrue though is it?

      You lefties really have taken defeat badly haven’t you?

      Feel free to follow Gordon’s lead and call anyone who doesn’t agree with you a bigot. It really doesn’t matter, no-ones listening to your visceral brand of politics any more…


    • 40

      Someone calls Harman a hateful witch and you cry about it.

      Get a fucking grip!


    • 44
      Minekiller says:

      Well, Harman was a member of a party and government that started wars that killed thousands of people. What part of ‘hateful witch’ isn’t appropriate?


      • 51
        Archer Karcher says:

        Harman is an awful, poisonous bitch, oh yeah, your blog is shite too.


      • 57
        Ivor Tapeworm says:

        Game set and match to Minekiller.

        You lose craiganthonyrya.

        P.S. The illegal war in Iraq killed tens of thousands, not just thousands.

        The conflict has resulted in around 100,000 documented civilian deaths.

        Not bad for a war started on false pretences. Must make them proud.


        • 82
          I hate New Labour says:

          It achieved what it set out to do: kiss the retarded cowboy’s butt and make a fortune for that two-bit soap actor Blair.

          A man so proud of the country he changed forever that he comes to the UK, what, twice a year?


    • 47
      Merlin says:

      Harriet is actually a practicing witch.
      Look how she managed to change the sex of her has-been hubby so that he was eligible to be selected for a Labour all woman shortlist.


    • 54
      Craiglosingsideryan says:

      Fuck off Craig – you pompous, patronising, ‘holier than thou’ cock socket.

      Civilised by whose measure?

      This is a free forum for debate – offensive or otherwise.

      Are you scotch or something?


      • 163
        Anonymous says:

        A free forum for debate – where anyone dissenting from your 3 line whip mentality is told to fuck off.


    • 74
      Asa Yoelson says:

      You ain’t heard nothing yet!


    • 88
      Unsworth says:

      Listen, you ill-educated prat. Civilised with a fucking ‘s’.

      And if you’re looking for gentility you’re way off route. Now fuck off and mince around somewhere else.

      Witty enough for you?


      • 117
        Anonymous says:

        Tosspot. American English spelling has not changed in 400 years. English has. Our spelling is pretentious. Theirs isn’t. Get out a bit more.


        • 119
          Seth the pig farmer says:

          I think President Roosevelt has something to say about it, and he isn’t 400 years dead.

          Don’t go out.


        • 123
          Unsworth says:

          The language is English, not fucking American. I don’t give a toss what the cretinous North Americans do or say. Just because your spell-check is something Microsoft has dreamed up, doesn’t make it right. You’re damn right that their language hasn’t changed in 400 years, nor has their thinking.

          Trouble is that the poxy Yanks seem to believe they own the English language. They don’t, and nor do the Canadians, New Zealanders, Australians etc etc.


        • 143
          Foxy Fuchsochs says:



      • 173
        craiganthonyryan says:

        Look in your Oxford ENGLISH dictionary, you ill-lubricated ignorant receptacle for a horse-cock (yeah, I can swear it too!). “Civilized” can be spelt either way even for UK use.


    • 142
      g1lgam3sh says:

      Wank blog from a wanker. You lost, now fuck off.


  22. 29
    Pip says:

    The speech by Peter Lilley was brilliant, the Lib Dem was very good – both witty, clever, gracious, self-deprecating and humorous. Then came Harman. Dear oh dear – plodding, spiteful interspersed with one liner cracks. No elegance, no charm, no self-deprecation, no wit. What a graceless harridan.


    • 48
      50 Calibre says:

      All that charm rubs off from her hubby, Mr Harman.

      He used to be something to do with the trade union movement, tha’ knows.

      Doesn’t like answering questions…


    • 49
      Harriet says:

      ‘plodding, spiteful interspersed with one liner cracks. No elegance, no charm, no self-deprecation, no wit’

      That’s me, that’s why Jack married me.


      • 90
        Unsworth says:

        Nothing to do with what’s between your ears, or your legs for that matter, then.


        • 104
          Henry Crun says:

          Unsworth, weren’t you reading? Jack married Harriet for her one liner crack


          • Unsworth says:

            Is that like a sort of hairline crack? Anyway, it’s probably atrophied and dropped off by now.


      • 107
        Peter Grimes says:

        49Harriet says:
        ‘plodding, spiteful interspersed with one liner cracks’

        One pantyliner crack, more likely, and a wedgie big enough for a bath towel!


    • 50
      Anonymous says:

      No humility about the chaos and disharmony they have inflicted on the country, just sad spiteful one liners. Probably appropriate that she has a “stand up comedian” as an adviser. What else have they but bitter jokes?


  23. 30
    oldfella says:

    heard today:

    Don Foster – “MPs are like babies nappies, they should be changed regularly for exactly the same reason”


  24. 31
    Tom Tomos says:

    Does anyone know whether Boateng is still taking his tablets?


  25. 36
    Every Labour MP should be in prison says:

    Shh, don’t say anything to Harriet. She still thinks they’re in government.


  26. 39
    Mrs Clegg says:

    I’m furious. Nick was completely obliterated from view when Dave was on his feet.


  27. 42
    Minekiller says:

    Let’s see now….an Oxbridge and privately educated wealthy socialist-feminist-aristo as sort of stand in leader who parachuted her husband (or bitch perhaps) into a women only safe seat, an Oxbridge educated white male (wealthy thanks to expenses and home flipping) with a dream surname for journalists, running for leader and a stand up comedian as party Communications Director. Since Labour is a comedy act, this is an appropriate appointment.

    Check, check and check. Yep, they’ll be in opposition for quite while.


  28. 52
    A Faceful Of Slime says:

    OT, but laughing at the ‘seen elsewhere’ link on the right of page to ‘Mandy’s Dark Slimey Future’

    He will of course know all about the need for good lubrication and probably all ready supports the petroleum industry by using Vaseline, or Rod Wax as it was originally known.


  29. 59
    Labour are scum says:

    Pay damages Labour. Not joking! Scum


  30. 60
    cant hunter says:

    Anyone been moderated lately?


  31. 70
    David Cameron says:

    My missus said to me earlier “It’s impossible to balance a relationship with a career.”
    I said to her try and balance a laptop on your knees whilst trying to have a wank…


    • 115
      John Prescnut says:

      Try holding a pint glass, a pork pie and yer secretary’s arse. Now, that’s talent lad.


      • 136
        Southern Softy says:

        Come on John, you’re slipping. You get your secretary to hold the pie and pint. If she spills some, spill some on her.
        That’s why you employ servants.


  32. 72
    I despise Labour says:

    Labour are despicable. First they trough, then they lie, they spin us into war, they lie about the economy and they can’t get an idea of their own. No humility from Labour. They destroy the economy & people’s lives then joke about it. They should rebrand themselves as the pathetic party.


    • 120
      Dino says:

      Exactly, the Socialist mindset doesn’t leave any room for guilt or shame, they are always the biggest victim in any room.

      Even though this country is circling the plug hole, because of their doing, and the Coalition is doing their best, all Labour can do is have a go, completely without any self knowledge.

      The really are a special kind of soulless beast, acting on in their own short term interest, never taking the blame for their actions, ever.


  33. 76
    Dr Who Joke says:

    Knock! Knock!


  34. 79
    Chereeee, Duchess of Wotton Underwood says:

    Why was that woman with the horses wearing my hat?


  35. 80
    Harriet Hardnipples says:

    Given her track record on women’s rights, Mrs Dromey should shut the feck up & get her knockers out.


  36. 84
    Jack Dromey says:

    She is a miserable cow when I demand her to wash the dishes whilst taking it from behind.


    • 112
      Grammar School Boy says:

      Mmmm, the multi-tasking technique? Like it.


    • 130
      Anon says:

      don’t be silly she will have a dish washer which we all bought for her.


    • 157
      Rufus Stone says:

      Jack: “Can I Roger you whilst you are on the phone Harriet?”

      Harriet: ” Of course Jack. You know where you can find it”.


  37. 91
    Labour joke says:

    So at PMQ’s are they going to use canned laughter after every punchline. That woman is so not funny & neither is her party. Destroying a country is no joke! Humility is a better.


  38. 92
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Richard shit head Bacon keeps calling Guido a Tory blogger. if only! I guess it’s better than being called a fascist by that pint sized jock fucking mong Nikki Campbell


  39. 93
    Speaker Bercow says:



  40. 95
    Mike Stillon says:

    Ayesha Hazarika and Yasmin Alibhai-Brown ; separated at birth ?

    Ever seen them in the same room ?

    Thought not.


    • 108
      QWERTY says:

      No but I see Alibhai-Brown every morning when I look down the toilet bowl after a hot curry and 10 pints the night before.


  41. 99
    nimeataur says:

    wasnt it wonderful to see the labour as opposition, looking like guillotine victims who havent realised yet there heads are off


  42. 100
    Ayesha Hazarika says:

    You’re all bigots!


  43. 101
    Dack Blog says:

    Who’s that sitting behind Harriet? Has he just goosed her?


  44. 103

    […] * Then again, her adviser is a comedienne. […]


  45. 105
    I hate New Labour says:

    This just in about Harman’s ‘great’ lines: no-one gives a toss.

    Labour are in their natural place: confined to opposition where they can do no harm, except to themselves.

    So go on, you venomous harpy, spout those ‘hilarious’ one-liners. The electorate gave their verdict – soundbites and spreading fear are not enough.


  46. 110
    Ben Dover says:

    Note Blunkett made a comment about rich Tory MPs, remind me how much B-lair earned last year was it £33 million.
    Can anyone name one ex Liebour Minister who is not a millionaire.


    • 121
      Dino says:

      Yep, Labour pledge to abolish those nasty Tory millionaires, and replace them with lovely Labour millionaires.

      Such is their tribalism that they can only see evil in others, never in themselves. As I said, they have no self knowledge.

      As ever, they seek to put the spotlight on anyone but themselves, point the finger, call out to the mob, all the while sitting on their golden thrones.

      Being rich isn’t a crime, even though they’d like it to be, for their enemies. As for themselves, well, nothings too good for the workers eh?


    • 169
      Mandybum says:

      and 5 mansions!


  47. 114
    Labour joke says:

    I was watching some of the Harman humour on C4 news earlier. She comes across as a silly and very confused school girl trying to impress her school chums. I don’t think the Coalition need to employ the still living Monty Python team just yet.


  48. 116
    Angel of Doom says:

    “could Harman’s new-found sense of humour have something to do with the promotion of Ayesha Hazarika, a stand up comedian, to Director of Communications of the Labour Party and Deputy Chief of Staff to the Leader of the Opposition?”

    What the fuck??? Last time I looked Ayesha Hazarika was a piss-poor press officer at the DTI. To be fair, she did make us laugh. Trouble is, she wasn’t trying to. Director of Communications of the Labour Party? You must be joking. Hahahaha. This bodes well for some almighty cock-ups in future.


    • 124
      Dino says:

      Nice to see Labour think the economy, their legacy, is something to laugh about.

      There again, they never did give a shit about the people, did they? We’re just cattle to be milked.


  49. 127
    Eric Portman says:

    Where is Gordo and his Beard? Is he going on a pilgrimage to Canterbury for a penance OR is he going to Canterbury to give his Beard a blessing?


    • 135
      Young Tarquin says:

      Was it just me?, or did anyone else think yvette cooper was wearing ‘road kill’ on her head. It was either a syrup, or a rusty badger


      • 138
        Southern Softy says:

        Badger cull on the cards. Keep looking behind you Why Vet. And I don’t mean your *man* Balls.


      • 155
        Doc Trough says:

        I thought she looked like a near the end Charles Hawtrey having lost his spectacles.


  50. 141
    Trinny says:

    For fuck sakes, that Theresa May wears that stupid blue stinking StarTrek jacket every day of the week.
    Hasnt she anything else?


  51. 145

    […] Harman’s Secret Weapon There was much surprise that Harman came out of the blocks quick, littering her first despatch box attack on the […] […]


  52. 146
    Brown is still a c**t says:

    That one on the right, is that the woman who had the face transplant ?


  53. 153
    R.soles says:

    dont sugar the pill say what you think old chum and have a lie down you getting over excited


  54. 158
    HDB111 says:

    Thanks for that for a moment there I thought that Harriet the O’rrible had been the subject of a brain transplant but no its still the same tired old third rate fitting she always has had.


  55. 159
    W.Anker says:

    What is a photo of Ronnie Corbett in drag doing next to the Divine Leaderess?


  56. 160
    Anonymous says:

    Is this the “comedian” who appears on mock the week? The least funny of the lot. Never mind there should be plenty of material working for Harriet.


  57. 161
    Anonymous says:

    Yes but she is really really funny. Have you not seen her on Mock the Week?


  58. 162
    angelnstar says:

    Harriet Harman is a Sex and the City girl. She has so much in common with the girls, they should have given her a part in the latest movie!


  59. 164
    Noise says:

    Well Labour managed to prevent a complete humiliation by pandering to the only voters it had left, Scottish candidates for Scottish people.

    Now if only they could find a Scottish woman..


  60. 174
    Sammi J says:

    Not quite the same spelling


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