Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

She just had to go and stick her oar in didn’t she! Diane bloody Abbot. Who next?  I thought she’d lost her Brent seat. Watching her election broadcast cuddling up on the BBC sofa with those two bastions of the right last night made me sick. We’re having enough trouble as it is twisting arms to get signatures without another horse in the field. That little girl Burnham is causing no end of headaches, what has he ever done for the Party? How many times do I have to tell him this is not a beauty contest. At least Abbott destroyed the media coverage of his launch.

Someone’s going to notice soon that the only two politicians I am ever seen with both lost their seats last week. The others promised and now they’ve scampered. I keep telling them my majority isn’t a problem. I even had to go all This Is Your Life in the Mirror this morning. There is still time.

Old Charlie came through and sorted the NEC to extend the nominations period  but he’s let me down. It’s unforgivable. They’ve only gone and banned the bosses telling the union members how to vote. Paul Waugh did his best at damage control but the spending cap is going to knife us too. Ellie Gellard, a Twitternet heavyweight is backing me because everyone she knows hates me. Think that is a good sign, could mean a lot more support than people think. Though having said that the money seems a bit slow. Nicola has been working the phones, but it looks like I’m going to have to get one of those Paypal things the Miliband minor has on his website.

This isn’t exactly how it was meant to be. The therapist says to relax this weekend but how am I meant to do that? I will be Leader. I must be Leader.

(*As leaked to Guido)

IPSA Bureaucracy Control Made Easy

There is a lot of grumbling around parliament about the new expenses regime and the IPSA bureaucracy established to implement the new system.  Some of it is unjustified, some of it is justified.

In Disinfecting Parliament, a report published last year, the Sunlight Centre recommended a number of measures based on best practice in the private sector. Foremost among the recommendations made was that MPs should be issued with a House of Commons debit card to be used for their legitimate expenses. Simples.

The transactions would as normal be electronically recorded automatically and could thus be published online automatically, the spending limits would be automatic and bureaucracy would be minimal. Instead for every transaction we now have invoices being received, authorised, paid by MPs, sent to IPSA where invoices are then re-checked, approved and reimbursed by IPSA with lots of manpower required. Crazy and expensive.

Friday Caption Contest (Leftie Dream Ticket Edition)

Balls: “Knocking on Doors in My Constituency was Hard-Going”

After a shocker of an interview with Eddie Mair on Wednesday, in which Ed Balls was unable to give an answer to where he had differed from Gordon Brown in terms of policy over the last three years, his Mirror piece today shows just how tainted he is. He tries to admit, like all the others, that now they see that they lost and that they need to listen more, not that they weren’t listening before of course. This seems to be the only message of the whole contest so far.

Most interesting was what he didn’t say. There is not one mention of the deficit in the whole piece. Instead he uses cheap shots of the sort that Brown was churning out in his lowest days:

“And then on Monday, I watched George Osborne on TV struggling to contain his glee as he announced that the Tories, now backed by the Liberal Democrats, were going to cut £6billion from public services this year and put the school-building programme on hold.”

No wonder he is struggling to get the signatures to even get on the ballot. Many of the new Labour intake are holding back their support, waiting to see who else comes out of the woodwork. How long before it all gets rather nasty as Balls fights for his life?

Quote of the Day

Rachel Sylvester writes

‘Alastair Campbell used to refer Mr Blair, Mr Brown and Lord Mandelson as the “three poofs”.’

Quote of the Day

Bild, Germany’s best selling newspaper writes

“Once again, we are the idiots of Europe”

Will They Break BA?

British Airways have reported a staggering £531 million loss this morning. Grounded by volcanoes and union thugs, things aren’t going too well for the old flag carrier. Add all that to the £400 odd million loss last year. Whelan and co at Unite the Union are still determined to push things further.

Despite being paid way above the industry average, BA cabin crew, fired up by Derek Simpson and Tony Woodly’s egos, are set for a crippling fifteen days of strike action. Though BA apparently have some £1.7 billion in the bank, they are set to be hit by a further £100 million loss from the ash and the industrial dispute looks like it will rattle on. You would be mad to book a BA flight in advance this summer – Will Unite be happy when they bring the company to its knees and end up far from well paid, but in fact at the back of the dole queue?



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Ken Clarke tells the Ben Fellows trial:

“The idea that I would go strolling off in order to grope a man in an office is highly unlikely.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

ALL CHANGE AT GREEN PARTY HQ ALL CHANGE AT GREEN PARTY HQ
I Can’t Believe He’s Not Tory! I Can’t Believe He’s Not Tory!
UBER DESTROYING RACIST TAXI INDUSTRY UBER DESTROYING RACIST TAXI INDUSTRY
Could Labour Fall Apart Under Corbyn? Could Labour Fall Apart Under Corbyn?
Hilarious Prankster Hilarious Prankster

GREENPEACE LIVID GREENPEACE LIVID
Did Labour Leadership Candidates Smoke Dope? Did Labour Leadership Candidates Smoke Dope?
Another Andy Flip Flop Another Andy Flip Flop
Clegg Whores Himself Out Clegg Whores Himself Out
RETURN OF THE FRACKERS, CUADRILLA TO APPEAL RETURN OF THE FRACKERS, CUADRILLA TO APPEAL
FLASHBACK: TORY WHIP ON SCANDAL INVOLVING “SMALL BOYS” FLASHBACK: TORY WHIP ON SCANDAL INVOLVING “SMALL BOYS”
“Owen Jones is the 1%” “Owen Jones is the 1%”
Jedward Told to “F**k Off” By Indy Staff Jedward Told to “F**k Off” By Indy Staff
CLIMATE LOBBY DRAFT ARNIE CLIMATE LOBBY DRAFT ARNIE
MOD FORCED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN AGGRESSION… WITH TWEETDECK MOD FORCED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN AGGRESSION… WITH TWEETDECK
Mental Marxists: Tories Will Gas the Poor Mental Marxists: Tories Will Gas the Poor
MONEYBAGS BURNHAM TRAILS DESPITE SIX FIGURE FUNDING BONANZA MONEYBAGS BURNHAM TRAILS DESPITE SIX FIGURE FUNDING BONANZA
ROLL CALL OF LABOUR ‘MORONS’ ROLL CALL OF LABOUR ‘MORONS’
YOUGOV: CORBYN 17% AHEAD FIRST PREFS YOUGOV: CORBYN 17% AHEAD FIRST PREFS
BBC In Shocking Ice Revelation BBC In Shocking Ice Revelation
BBC Avoids Questioning Janner BBC Avoids Questioning Janner
TORY MP: SNP DON’T KNOW THEIR RS FROM THEIR ELBOW TORY MP: SNP DON’T KNOW THEIR RS FROM THEIR ELBOW
Flower Market Booms as Online Adulterers Exposed Flower Market Booms as Online Adulterers Exposed
LORD BROWNE’S TWITTER COCK-UP LORD BROWNE’S TWITTER COCK-UP
Telegraph and Mail Fall for Greek F-16 Cash Dash Hoax Telegraph and Mail Fall for Greek F-16 Cash Dash Hoax
GUARDIAN: ATTACK OF THE KILLER CLIMATE CHANGE SLIDES GUARDIAN: ATTACK OF THE KILLER CLIMATE CHANGE SLIDES
Gov Introduces Driverless Car Regulations Gov Introduces Driverless Car Regulations
BBC NEWS EDITOR TROLLS JEREMY HUNT BBC NEWS EDITOR TROLLS JEREMY HUNT
WATCH: Sepp Blatter Money Shot WATCH: Sepp Blatter Money Shot