May 6th, 2010

Tweeter Culpa

Guido has in the past, you may have noted, said that “Twitter is s**t”, “Twitter is a passing fad” etcetera.

Strongly held opinions have never in the past prevented Guido from trying to maximise his ubiquity.  Eagle eyed co-conspirators will have spotted that the masthead has changed today and that the Guido twitterstream is now incorporated into the masthead at the top right.

Never let it be said that Guido wouldn’t change his opinion, some eleven thousand co-conspirators following him can’t be wrong….


  1. 1
    Living with the real people in NW3 says:

    Oh well, one more brain drained….

    • 3

      Im insulting everyone today on my election twitter feed


      • 5
        • 13
          Mr White Middle Class says:

          You haven’t insulted me yet you masked twat. Put some fucking effort in for Christ’s sake.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            I see Labour’s power drifting away. I feel my moniker coming back…..

          • concrete pump says:

            What was it originally?

          • Vote for democracy not the EUSSR says:

          • dave is a communist eu puppet says:

            Cameron and the media very quiet on this – cameron is a eurofascist who will destroy the middle classes next year with the massive communist intent eco taxes, something else dave and the media wont tell you!

          • the hung parliament is held up says:

            Oh, so you’ve conceded defeat then tat?

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            @concrete pump. I actually published it on this site two nights ago in response to nell! If we ever meet at Todmorden, for Frankie’s monster steak night, I will be delighted to tell you too.

          • Susie says:

            Cameron will do well to say nowt and watch the dust settle from the EU/Euro implosion. Then talk terms.

            He could say, reinstate our rebate or we’ll have that referendum on Lisbon I promised my country, reform the CAP like you promised… there’s a lovely long list. It’s payback time.

        • 14
          golden virginia says:

          i noticed

          • MadMitch says:

            C Men

            Does that officially make you a Twat?
            Oh well, good to see technology catching up with reality.

            Now the good bit:

            2 hours to save the recovery.
            Have Faith Brothers — the dog boilers will not prevail.
            If they do, the poor will be asked to eat their own children

        • 81
          Mr Slater's Parrot says:

          (squitter) (squirt) U-UUUUUUUUUHHRRKK!!!

          • Mr Slater says:

            I suppose you expect me to clean that up…

          • A FRESH NAPPY FOR MR BROWN says:

            After i lose the election the sounds echoing from downing street will be squitter,sqitter not a parrot but me shiting myself !

          • Rigged elections and dirty tricks in third world Britain. says:

          • Rigged elections and dirty tricks in third world Britain. says:

            So the lib dems have already climbed in bed with Labour!

            better rush aout and vote BMP in stoke if you want to deny Mandys pal a seat in parliment running the country with the with the lib dems!

        • 189
          D L George says:

          Good Luck OH, we’ll be watching out for you.
          Shot of Malt at the ready.

      • 20
        Thick As Thieves says:

        See you at the count in Cambridge you nob

      • 23

        OH the only people following you are M.I.5.

        Will you be on the telly later?

      • 35
        Party says:

        Love it

      • 62
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Who are you calling Cnut, Cnut?

      • 203

        just on the point that you rescued a pub landlord from jail a few months ago ,
        who broke the law in desperation to save his pub in a climate created by Labour
        in which 70 pubs a week are closing down
        i passed one today near Bolton with an 8ftx4ft vote Labour sigh on their fence
        do these fucking idiots know anything ?

    • 108
      Engineer says:

      “Eleven thousand co-conspirators”.

      Erm, don’t want to be negative, but about five thousand of those are TaT and his multiple personalities. Well, it feels like that, anyway…

    • 138

      Britain’s new Prime Minister or Leader of the Opposition? –

    • 296
      Anonymous says:
      #politicalbetting IRC channel, for when the site inevitably goes down

  2. 2
    Dick the Prick says:

    I think we can all learn from Kerry McCarthy how tweeting works.

    • 401
      Gordon Brown stole my pension says:

      Tweeting works by rounding up everyone* who tweets and machine-gunning them for the good of our species.

      What was wrong with Usenet? Eh? Or just going to the pub and having a life?

      *Guido aside.

  3. 4
    Martin Day says: Lets get this everywhere. Don’t let Murdoch steal the image

  4. 6
    march25 says:

    Nope, not a fan. Looks stupid that the masthead doesn’t fill the top of the page. Do we really have to see your tweets? The masthead blurb is also virtually unreadable now.


  5. 7
    Thick As Thieves says:

    I have done my democratic duty ! Have you ?

    • 16
      Dick the Prick says:

      Having a little wanky over pictures of Ed Balls in his Nazi uniform hardly constitutes your democratic duty TaT. Now be a good boy and tidy up your bedroom.

    • 68
      SARAH BROWN says:

      Only if you posted this before you strung yourself up !

    • 70

      i hardly think taking a shit in your social workers handbag is your democratic duty

      • 162
        Tossflap Watch says:


        • 167
          Tossflap Watch says:

          Btw Mr Fawkes, only tossflaps tweet- but it’s your choice!!!!!

          Hope you enjoy yourself tonight- and thanks for the blog. Over the last three years it has kept me very entertained!


  6. 8
    Twatters R Twats says:

    Oh shit, this page will become irritatingly slow now just like Dale’s…

    • 21
      fruitcake says:

      Yeah, my old pc can’t cope, where’s my free laptop Gordon?

      I rather like this one of labours top 50 achievements>
      “26.The car scrappage scheme, where owners scrapping an old car receive £2,000 off the price of a new car, has assisted with over 380,000 orders being placed, keeping the automotive industry and its supply chain on its feet”

      and the rest of the sentence is “, owing to us fucking up the economy.”

      • 105
        Roger Daley says:

        I’m on our freeby lappy right now – It’s the canine’s testicles !

        Thanks Gord. I have voted for DC & Co – but I’ll think of you disappearing over the horizon into oblivion banging your gums and squawking child tax tax credits.

      • 241
        Anonymous says:

        £2000 so we could buy French, German, Italian, Spanish, etc. built cars. And keep their manufactures on their feet. £2000 Euro tax!!!!!!!!!!!!

        The £2000 should only be available for British built cars.

        • 280
          Rotten Lancia Beta Sub Frame says:

          70% of the cars sold during the scrappage scheme were made abroad outside the EU eg KIA – Korean

          • GORDON BROWNSYNDROME says:

            Just a thought
            when the scrappage scheme is over who is going to buy the cars that they will keep producing ?
            as everybody that wants one has now got one
            the car industry has gorged it’s self over the last 12 months so now what ?

          • Gordon Brown stole my pension says:


            I want to know that one, too.

            I got my scrappage car. I’m sorted for the next 10 years, car-wise. I’m quite impressed that Gordon did something useful for me, for once in his utterly miserable worthless life, after causing me so many problems. After trashing every other aspect of my life. However, he did have to wreck the entire economy first.

          • GORDON BROWNSYNDROME says:

            Well get this the scrappage scheme was only suposed to be on new cars but
            i bought a second hand van in feb 09 £8,000
            in jan this year i was given the whole lot back against my tax
            usually you get it back over 5 years
            so that meant that i had payed very little tax
            and because i pay in advance and arrears
            i got a letter from the tax asking me if i wanted all the tax i had paid in advance back
            but before i could answer a cheque for several thousand pounds dropped through my door
            it looked to me like Labour were resigned to losing the election and were making sure that the pot was well and truely empty for who ever got in !

      • 477
        Ron Delorean says:

        Aye, and the ever rising cost of fuel means all those cars will be parked up more often

  7. 9

    So are the ‘right wing’ going to rule the political twittersphere as well as the blogosphere after this election?

    Could be fun.

  8. 10
    terry says:


    • 338
      Alister Cooky.Letter from America,more of a postcard says:

      Dow down 900 has sent the end of the worlders off on another spending spree for guns and ammo. Website traffic also rocketed up on canned foods after the news. Dried foods are also being reported as high sellers.No matter how bad the news is over here you can bet the conspiraloons will get us out of the shit with their spending power come the end time.

      • 444
        Susie says:

        It was a fat finger from someone at Citigroup… someone’s in trouble tomorrow morning.

        Lovely to see the fear in Pesto’s eyes just now on News 24 — all his bullshit’s coming home to roost — Euro in meltdown, borrow and spend economies annihilated right before his shifty little eyes. We told you so, but you wouldn’t listen… the backroom beckons.

        • 463
          Mdme Defarge. says:

          Susie are you a member of the Defarge family as I am agreeing with your posts – especially the last one about Cameron just sitting back and watching Europe implode and now this one.
          Think I’ll just open a bottle and let you post for me…isn’t it all bloody marvellous?

  9. 11
    Returning Officer for Morley and Outwood says:

    Balls Licked

  10. 12
    Just sacked Gordon :0 says:


    The white text “Tittle tattle…” is a bit small now.
    How about putting the twitter above/below the Seen elsewhere?

  11. 15

    No doubt there’s also 11,000 people who think Jordan should be the next Prime Minister Guido, but that don’t make ‘em right.

  12. 17

    You’ve sold out

  13. 18
    MB. says:

    Clegg has managed to upset the Polish community.

    Inverness Courier

    A POLISH community leader has branded comments made by Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg that Inverness needs more overseas workers as “irresponsible”.

    With the election battle intensifying ahead of polling day on Thursday, Inverness Polish Association chairman Zosia Wierzbowicz-Fraser stepped into the row over remarks made by Mr Clegg during an interview with Jeremy Paxman on BBC TV earlier in the campaign.

    Outlining his party’s immigration policy based on a regional points system, Mr Clegg cited Inverness as one of the areas needing migrant workers. He claimed there was “a very clear consensus.

  14. 19
    Right Bastard says:

    Better to set up a new website entitled “Twitter with Fawkes”

  15. 22
    MB. says:

    Ooops missed a bit off the end

    Clegg has managed to upset the Polish community

    Inverness Courier


    A POLISH community leader has branded comments made by Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg that Inverness needs more overseas workers as “irresponsible”.

    With the election battle intensifying ahead of polling day on Thursday, Inverness Polish Association chairman Zosia Wierzbowicz-Fraser stepped into the row over remarks made by Mr Clegg during an interview with Jeremy Paxman on BBC TV earlier in the campaign.


    Outlining his party’s immigration policy based on a regional points system, Mr Clegg cited Inverness as one of the areas needing migrant workers. He claimed there was “a very clear consensus among everybody that they need people to come into that part of the country in order to work”.

    His comments were supported by his chief-of-staff Danny Alexander who is defending the Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey seat.

    • 469
      Mdme Defarge. says:

      That Danny Alexander looks like he should be in primary school. Totally unimpressive. What a very nice constituency though all that salmon fishing with Charlie Whelan.

  16. 26
    Mad Frankie says:

    Twitter ye not

  17. 28
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    I think you will be all very pleased to here that I shall not be joining Guido in heading of twitter way.

    Who Am I, you might ask? Exactly, who the fuck am I and why would you want to read my inane jabberings? You probably dont.

    Good luck guido, dont make a twat of yourself…

  18. 30
    labouration day says:

    obviously Guido had his statistics done by HM treasury

  19. 31
    Party says:

    Following you? That’s a laugh but I admire your cheek

  20. 32
    labouration day says:

    Anybody running a book on what time Gordon will be dragged out of Downing Street?

  21. 34
    Ewanme says:

    OMG !!

    There’s eleven thousand twits out there ???

    Don’t nobody round here WORK , darlin ??

    E x .

  22. 36
    Party says:

    Big crowd out side Athens now, wait for kick off.

    • 63
      Johnny says says:

      Greek taxpayers might like it. Public sector marxists won’t, that’s why they are revolting.

    • 75
      Anonymus says:

      one of the following:

      a) If they’re going to pay me to retire at 50 I might consider it.
      b) Are they better than our useless twats here anyway.
      c) Ja es ist sehr gut.
      d) I’m a whinging usesless commie and I don’t want anyone to run anything because I want to be a student forever.

    • 89
      Confused says:

      yeah but have you tasted that greek food shit and heard that nana mascouri ugly bitch with goggles on sing..zorba and those frigging plates everywhere…and that Oliver Neutron Bomb musical…..are we suprised they want to riot they’ve lost their marbles….Herr Flick will sort ‘em out

    • 96
      Thats MISTER pleb to you! says:

      @uber Deutschland.

      ‘How would you like your government to be run by Germany?’

      I don’t. UKIP for me.

    • 110
      Raving Loon says:

      Ask Clegg.

      • 155
        Nick Clegg, 25% British, 100% traitor says:

        Clegg doesn’t mind who runs Britain, as long as it’s not the British.

    • 154
      Wing Co. says:

      uber – last time Germany tried the Greeks painted their roofs pale blue!

    • 183
      Balanced budgets make everyone wealthy says:

      How would you like to have a legally anchored sound money government running your economy.

      If you had since 1945, you would have been richer than Germany.(with no communist GDR to bail out and no reparations to pay for Hitler’s War)

      Thatcher, in her own way, tried to get the finances right. It worked despite the 40 years of fudge that preceded her.

      Just imagine how all the devaluers in Europe would envy you and hate you for your virtue.

      When things go wrong they’d demand your tax payers money and moan at the same time.

      • 245
        Gonksville,formally the UK says:

        A case of the successors succeeding then hating them selves

  23. 39
    Cheese Lover says:

    I presume this must be some silly semantic difference. No. Don’t bother to explain, I’m a grown-up.

    • 58
      twit says:

      No, four is the number of twitterers Guido is following.

      • 265
        uneducated guess says:

        I did say it was a guess and an uneducated one at that.

        I was brought up to understand that a Twit was an idiot and a Twat was an imbecile.

  24. 40
    Tim says:

    Has the collective wisdom of Twitter already predicted the general election? Full Fact takes a look:

  25. 42
    Filthy fish wife says:

    I’m on the batter

  26. 43
    Gordon Brown says:

    Please vote for me.

  27. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Guido. You shouldn’t have done that.

  28. 46
    .243 Win says:

    Only out of sense of morbid curiosity though.

  29. 47
    * says:

    M*arkets are jittery.
    Billionaires are concerned not of losing money but of not increasing what they have.

  30. 49

    I’m getting worried about the prospect of a hung parliament.

    Can someone cheer me up?

  31. 53
    Gordon Brown says:

    i am not leaving

    you cant make me

  32. 56
    Gordon Brown's Press Officer says:

    Just to remind you if you vote after 10pm your vote will not count but you may still be charged

  33. 57
    Sorter says:

    I see the non dom logo has gone.does that mean a strongly held opinion about bungs as gone out the window ?

  34. 67
    Anonymous says:

    I fuck.

    • 120
      Formerly EC1 PhD says:


      • 136
        Axiom says:

        I am a fucker

        • 318

          The correct formulation is ‘coito ergo sum’ – ‘I fuck, therefore I add up’, invented by some bloke called Rene after a long session on the absinthe, after confusing an abacus with a succubus.

          Of course, that was before the invention of the letter G, which seems to have invaded the statement and made utter nonsense of it.

  35. 69
    Farage says:

    No one can flip like me

  36. 71

    No, 18, you have it all arse about face!

    The figure of four is who Guidio is following! Doh!

  37. 72
    TrustyShield says:

    “Labour source : It is going to be close in Morley and Outwood”

    better check those postal votes then

  38. 74
    Shock Horror says:

    Surprise surprise Greek puppets pass starvation law

  39. 77
    Anonymous says:

    What he needs is a Handy Bendy Ghandi. Free loincloth. Guaranteed 10,000 followers.

  40. 78
    Anonymous says:

    It has it’s uses… but used in the way the lefties do it is crap.

    Needs to be more 3D and P2P though (I know what I mean)

  41. 79
    Ratsniffer says:

    Twitter is a fucking load of stupid Hunting shit.

    How do I sign up?

  42. 80
    Nigel Farage says:

    Thanks for your messages of sympathy. Apparently, I have some broken ribs but, if you smoked sixty gaspers a day, so would you. Vote for a lowering of fag duty and withdrawal.

    • 95
      katie Price says:

      Is there nothing you won’t do for publicity?

      • 104
        TosserWatch says:

        well katie with hooters like yours and a mouth as foul as a duck’s bum he’d struggle to compete with you whatever he did

    • 102
      No fly zone says:

      Don’t mention fags to Nick *Legg!. Good to see you are on the right side of life Mr F hope the pilot is OK?

    • 128
      Ewanme says:

      OMG !!

      Get well soon , Nige xx .

      I had to pissed to go an vote coz it ain’t in my nature to condone lesser life-forms than meself , honey .

      Shock horror – no UKIPpers in this part of the world !!!!

      No worries . I voted for Nick , the next best thing :-))

      Yeah , Nick . The one wot’s eyes point in diffrent directions .

      E x .

    • 148
      barefootcontessa says:

      You didn’t have to loop the loop to beat Baby Bercow.

    • 173
      Belgian E U President says:

      Ha your not singing any more!!!!

  43. 84

    Right, i’m off to vote Tory.

    • 100
      Time to go home says:

      Me too!

    • 124
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      Good man, I did from abroad. But I would have voted for UKIP if it had been more likely to have removed a Labour MP, even though I am not a big fan of withdrawl. Once you’re in, you have to make the bloody thing work ….. oooooooooh! Where was I?

      I would have voted for Farage or OH had I been in their constituencies.

      • 179
        Nick Clegg, 25% British, 100% traitor says:

        The EU is NEVER going to work.
        What you are seeing on the streets of Athens today, is going to engulf the whole continent next.
        Austerity taxes, green taxes, energy taxes, higher VAT, higher food prices, all to pay for the feckless, corrupt and corporate greed that the EU elite crawls to, will all end in disaster.
        The EU social model is collapsing around them, the money is gone and the system is bust.
        There is no way back.

        • 278
          Can't remember my moniker says:

          I am afraid, Mr ar-100% traitor, that using Greece as an example of what is wrong with Europe is only right in part. I say that having been living out here for three years now.

          Of course the Greek management of its economy has been disastrous. But it is no worse than that of the UK which is why I no longer live there.

          I have been warning for some time about the financial implications. Most people here are pretty savvy and know the position. But the majority of the population have not got a clue of what lies ahead. The Greek situation may turn out to look like a picnic if we don’t deal with the situation firmly, but it will be immensely unpopular.

          • Mdme Defarge. says:

            Europe is over. The Euro is doomed and with it the European Marxist dream. Not sure how long it will take to unravel but if the Berlin Wall’s anything to go by one good heave should do it.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            Mdme Defarge

            I respect and enjoy your posts and your views. I am an Englishman through and through but, living on the continent as I do, I am privileged peut-être to see another perspective.

            The UK position is as bad, or worse, than anything you might find in Europe (unless you include Iceland, I suppose.)

            I say that with immense regret, not with satisfaction.

  44. 88
    Yakov Smirnoff says:

    In Soviet Russia, Twitter follows you!

    • 305

      Mmmmm – Sarah Teather and hot grits…

      I never was very good at memes…

      • 313
        concrete pump says:

        Cold shower for paragnostic………….

        • 431
          Tulkinghorn says:

          Followed by Ludovico’s Technique, the only remedy for his diseased obsession. Extreme, perhaps; might be kinder to take him to Specsavers first and see if that does the trick.

  45. 90
    Ratsniffer says:

    Can some of you twatters help me out? If you twitter, are you restricted in the amount of text you can send in one go? What does one tweat about? Little random events in one’s day? Like going for a poo, and a report on the state of one’s stools? Would this be of general interest?

    • 94
      Shock Horror says:

      you can tweet 140 character per tweet as many a day as you want twittwat

    • 97
      Etherloons You know you want to be one says:

      better still get a blog and type to the ether like a loon

    • 99
      Confused says:

      how about Rats I have sniffed today ?

      • 117
        Ratsniffer says:

        Surely there are only so many things you do in a day that anyone is going to be interested in. Average human day: get up. Have a shower, shit, shave. Eat brekky. Go to work. Have a wank in the loo at work while sniffing Mary Jane Rottencrotch’s panties which you found in her drawer. Come home. Eat food. Have a wee. Watch telly. Fart. Go to bed.

        • 127
          Formerly EC1 PhD says:

          I always advocate the shower after the shit

        • 134
          Twitwatwoter says:

          now you understand twitter

        • 135
          Confused says:

          Well you could try wanking in her drawer whilst she holds the panties over your nose and shoves henry the hoover up your dusterbox…farting is so old school these days

        • 140
          Can't remember my moniker says:

          Crikey, you are lucky! I never got to find Mary Jane Rottencrotch’s panties. Some folk get all the luck. One day my luck will turn good.

          • Confused says:

            its swimming every day thats doing it in the S of F we’ve been on the beach since the start of April and they don’t wear panties at all…my wife excluded of course…don’t want the froggies gash gazing at my expense

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            Funny old Anglo-Saxon prudery there, Confused! My mum lives in Cannes and she says it has not always been as warm as normal, but that is global warming for you. Normally I am swimming by now but I have been my own site foreman, so I am behind you. We have been “going without” for over three decades now. I am constantly fascinated by my attitude to it. It seems so normal. It is also a great leveller, if you cannot wear designer clothes – because you are wearing nothing – then your impressions about others are formed by what you think about them as people, as characters and as thinkers. That is probably rather a non-British approach in modern times!

            On the other hand, I will catch sight of a phenominal woman and just go “phwoaaaar!” Can’t help it, can we? If I strike up a conversation with such an angel, I find myself forgetting the beauty again and thinking about the person. Conclusion: I am only partly a pervert!

          • Can’t blame you there, moniker – those Greek birds are damn tasty, so long as you don’t mind a little furry plumpness.

            There’s a statue of Aphrodite in the National Museum in Nicosia – it makes me reckon that not only did the Greeks invent Pi, they invented pies as well, and encouraged their goddesses to consume as many as possible. It is, in short, like a marble Sarah Teather – which is good enough for me ;-)

            The Isle D’Oleron, near La Rochelle has a couple of great nudist beaches – they even fish nude there. It’s the only place where I felt secure enough to unveil my pasty body to the world- normally, I keep a T-shirt on, but when nobody has anything hidden, there’s no reason to hide.

          • Confused says:

            You are absolutely right Moniker…We were in Cannes earlier in the week and the beach clubs along Croisette are a write-off…6m waves so they said…incredible how the weather can change from week to week.

            Re clothing… as a Brit it still seems strange to walk from our own club just up the beach and the women are lying on the sand legs akimbo all shapes and sizes…those that are delicious look great those that are not…well I wouldn’t but hey God gave all the same bits so who cares. Enjoy your summer…the temps here are lovely at the moment not too hot and a lovely sea breeze…keep your head down if the rioting keeps up am sure it must be worrying for next ?

            Hopefully if we get the right result tonight/tomorrow and that bunch of creeps get the heave-ho back in blighty we can beat the speculators to the draw.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:


            Know those beaches from long ago, also Ile de Ré.

            As for Greek women, I know one who is an absolute angel, skinny as a rake (so you may probably not appreciate her!) long, long dark hair so that it almost touches her bum, beautiful animated face, wonderful personality, incredible brain, professor at a major university. I am so smitten that I am starstruck. What I would not give to reproduce with such a perfect specimen of womanhood, making love would simply not be enough. So you can see I am a complete cad! I suppose it will have to remain a dream ….. but oh what a dream! Oh, what a dream…..

            Reputation, already terrible, plunges down the tubes.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            @ Confused

            Can recommend the Rado Plage restaurant, down on the Croisette beach, not far east of the Carlton. It has been washed out at least twice this winter but they sweep out and start again each time. For the area, the prices are reasonable, the food is excellent and the views magnificent. You may wish to interpret this in the light of my scandalous reply to Paragnostic, in which case you will not be far out. Life is so good. Bon chance!

  46. 92
    Shock Horror says:

    it’s all Greek but it’s live.

  47. 103

    Twit Guido you know you are losing.

    My spectacular fightback against overwhelming odds, will give NuLab a smashing victory tonight.

    Tomorrow the prize will be mine and the proles will rejoice that I have humbly accepted the long overdue appointment as NuLabFurrer and Yvette will new kitchen to cook dinner for me.

    You are on your way to the Tower, Fawkes.

    • 114

      Funny how confident you have been over the last few weeks
      how many postal votes have you got Mr bollocks ?
      not as many as Jack Straw i shouldn’t wonder

    • 115
      Sweet Relief says:

      an alternative narrative could be you get booted out and that you and that little tart of a missus you suit so admirably are found on friday morning charred to crisps..scumbags

  48. 107
  49. 112
    Ratsniffer says:

    I’ve voted. Here’s the thing: I had lost my polling card, but the old biddies in the polling station didn’t ask for *any* identification at all. All I had to do was give my address. So, just supposing I knew a neighbour of mine had no intention of voting, theoretically it would be possible to simply wander down there later on, when the staff have changed shifts, and pretend I was him, and vote again. Similarly I understand it is not unusual for students living both at home and in another area to get TWO polling cards, and many of them vote twice, once as a postal vote, in their home area, and once in person in their college area. Even though there’s a reminder on them that you are only supposed to have one vote. Our voting system is so open to fraud…

    • 121
      Rashid o Bradford the paddy indian says:

      me legs are aching going round all the different places voting,but it will be worth it for all the benefits later.

  50. 113
    Trinny says:

    you were right – it is s**t. Now your page is full of s**t (more s**t than normal)

  51. 116
    Martin Day BBC political correspondent says:

    Now hearing the core Labour vote is really coming out in force in some parts of the country. Late starters. Going to be a wild night.

    • 125
      The Godfather says:

      Yes the labour core voters are coming out to vote tory, after being called “bigots” by Mr Brown. Revenge is a dish best served cold…

    • 139
      mashed swede says:

      They should have shut the polling stations before the fuckers got out of their wank pits.

    • 149
      Labour are fraudsters says:

      thats the 94 million voters in tower hamlets

  52. 118
    Catflap says:

    Being new to all things computer wise I have to say I find ‘Twitter’ fucking useful.
    Following dozens of sites like I do, would be a nightmare without it.

    I did my civic duty today and voted.
    When I can next caste a vote in this country fuck only knows.

    • 123
      Rashid o Bradford the paddy indian says:

      what caste do you want

      • 147
        Catflap says:

        Well we have had the ‘untouchables’ so it’s time for the other sort.
        The ‘accountables’ would be nice.

    • 141
      Caste Iron Dave says:

      We will take care of this Huntry until you next have to caste your vote. Dave xx.

  53. 126
    Dick Tator says:

    SKY: “All three leaders have now cast their vote. We now await the election results.”

    I can now disclose the result:

    Labour: 1
    Conservative: 1
    Lib Dem: 1

    It’s a tie, folks. All the important people have voted, any other votes will be destroyed at midnight tonight. We have a well-hung parliament.

    What a surprise!!

    • 231
      Anonymous says:

      You forgot about the wives

      Samcam: Tory cause she loves her hubby
      Magda: Tory to release her from her prison
      Miriam Gonzales Eldorado Tapas: Can’t vote cause she’s one of those foreign types

      So, final result:

      Labour: 1
      Conservative: 3
      Lib Dem: 1

      • 312
        Yoo Hoo! Remember me the labour candidate? says:

        Labour 0

        You could not trust El Gordo to put the X in the right spot?

  54. 129
    Nosey says:

    Theres soldiers outside my polling station wearing blue helmets.whats going on?

  55. 130
    MI5 says:


    Sorry I can’t be with you in the Sports Cafe this evening

    Another day !

    But I want to say here how much i respect your courage in denouncing the smearing, fraud and general disgrace imposed on Britain under New Labour

    Thank you for your courage and determination

    You are an example for manynkot least of which the Lobby correspendants who were such criminal accomplices in the greatest fraud in British History which is called bullying New Labour

    Correlli Barnet put it well in the Mail this morning

    God bless you !

    I think of Father Jerzy Popielusku this evening

    Good evening, Sir, and keep it strong…

    have a grat noght and best wishes to the Fawkes feamales (all of them !)

  56. 131

    twitter is pointless shit.

    At least they came up with a good moniker for it – it’s just pap. WTF can you say in 140 characters? Why would you want to?

    I just can’t be arsed. I only do about eight things in a day and no one is interested in them anyway.

    ANTI-social media is what the public wants…

    • 151

      Think of your tweet as a “”news headline.” Thing is Mr Fawkes ain’t doing it right (Imho). Should “tweet” on here first, then auto update his twitter feed. Thing is I went to his Farage tweet first and found b*ggar all else on here about it.

    • 232
      in 140 this might work says:

      you have five minutes to dig a big deep hole and get in it before the nuclear missiles arrive and blows you and your family to kingdom come

  57. 133
    Eddie Izzard says:

    shwoosh vote labour

    im funny

  58. 150
    In no particular order says:

    Cue tense music

    Ed Balls…….. You might not be going through to the next round

    Jackie Smith………. You might not be going through to the next round

    mmmmmr Speaker…….. You might not be going through to the next round

    Hazel Blears ………..You might not be going hrugh to the next round

    Gordon Brown YOUR FIRED !!!!

  59. 152
    The Morris Marina a log laid by British Leyland says:

    Off with the Balls!

    • 199
      Rotten Lancia Beta Sub Frame says:

      The similarities between the creation and ultimate demise of BL and Nu Lab are uncanny, BL was a Labour idea as well, to many managers running around like headless chicken having meetings about meetings etc and not getting on with job in hand. The Morris Marina was thrown together by a comity that never met from a mish mash of parts from 20 year old design,Moggy Minor and designed by the Ford guy who designed the MK 2 Cortina.

      • 216
        rare speckled twittwattwittwitterer says:

        the product was the Mortina, a dead car

        • 236
          Rotten Lancia Beta Sub Frame says:

          The sad thing is that so many people collect them! It was the first new product of BL who employed about 120k people at the time, you’d think at least one of them would be a car designer how to design a car?

          • jimbo says:

            Why are Morris Marinas always driven by men in flat caps and big ears at 10 mph?

      • 310
        Yoo Hoo! Remember me the labour candidate? says:

        a comity?

        I remember Richard Littlejohn being an industrial correspondent and he interviewed a BL shop steward who had his living room in British Racing Green and another room in another motor colour and another in another and so on … .

        Labour corruption not just confined to jockland

        • 467
          Rotten Lancia Beta Sub frame says:

          ‘Comity’ I realised after I posted it! Its true about the green paint ( it was Java green which looks like dry sick) my uncle reckons some bloke nicked a mini out of longbridge, spare part by spare part including the body shell and engine and then rebuilt in his garage on the weekend!

  60. 156
    Anonymous says:

    So any suggestions as to who those 4 are ?

  61. 159
    Thick As Thieves says:

    Just slashed the tyres on a minibus full of old dears with a Tory poster in the window. Minus 16 votes

  62. 165
    Vote LIBLABLIES says:

    Jam today.Jam tomorrow. Jam for ever

  63. 166
    Pea Stains © says:

    I’m copywriting this moniker/avi/nom de plume © so get fucked ©

    • 172
      Pee Stains © says:

      Nah. Changed my mind. I’m copywriting Pee Stains ©

      • 182
        Ewanme © says:

        Nice one , darlin !!!!!

        I got Stains Reservoir © which is at 98% capacity right now .

        E x .

    • 177
      TosserWatch says:

      you don’t need to copyright your tag name Pea Stain…writing such cobblers is unlikely to attract any imitators…and besides having the stains of a vegetable on
      you is somewhat clumsy…substitute Brain for Stain and now you’re talking.

      • 184
        TosserWatch says:

        I do apologise Pea Stains now Pee Stains our postings must have crossed… ok subtitute Brains for stains and Shitfor Pee.

      • 185
        TosserWatch Watch says:

        Fucking lightweight.

        • 376
          TosserWatch Watch Watcher says:

          careful I’m 9′ 4″ and 37 stone so thick but not lightweight

  64. 170
    Universal Hiss says:

    You are Joe Chip & I claim my cred.Fuck off door.
    I like this blog but you have such a fucking misplaced ego.

  65. 174

    nikolai von cloggs wants more foriegn workers……..

    perhaps it might be an idea to employ some of the 8.15 million brits who are out of work?

    still,when did politicians ever look after the BRITISH people?


    • 233
      Nick Clegg, 25% British, 100% traitor says:

      I prefer to call our latest arrivals, new British citizens, who add richness, diversity and of course very low wages, to our now, wonderfully vibrant country.
      I want to see a new kind of “britishness” whatever that is and an even dispersal of new britons around the entire country, which in places is hideously white and monocultural, yuk!
      I know I can rely on your support to make this wonderful cultural, social and environmental experiment a huge success. Nick C.

      • 239
        does he live here ? says:

        fuck off back to gooberland tourist

        • 495
          Governor of the Wank of England says:

          What a hypcrite Clegg is. he and that bald twat Cable slagging off bankers to win a few cheap votes and Clegg’s father Nicholas is the Chairman of a frigging bank himself. Clegg was brought on the proceeds of such usery.
          What a two faced SHITHEAD!

  66. 175
    On Phone To Greece says:

    Big kickoff in Athens but nothing on any news here,Huntz

  67. 178
    Anonymous says:

    what would you do if you woke up tommorow and gordon brown was still your prime minister?

  68. 180
    13eastie (☭oodbye ☭ordon!) says:

    So, earlier today, Jonah went to the North Queensferry Community Centre, and (perhaps after a quick ride on the nursery group’s rocking horse) voted.

    Presumably for himself.

    It would certainly be within the realms of plausibility that this single vote will be the only one that has ever been cast in his favour as PM. (Seriously, how fucking stupid – and that includes Sarah – would someone need to be to vote for more of this shit?)

    Labour must never be allowed to do again what it has done to the country during the last parliament.

    The utter cowardice of those who had the opportunity, but not the mettle, to challenge Brown, combined with a wholesale disdain for the electorate at large should preclude Labour from anything but oblivion.

    Labour has destroyed the economy.
    Labour has wilfully created a generation of young people with no propsect of prosperity.
    Labour has sold and massively increased individual dependency on the state to unprecedented levels.
    Labour has indebted your children for life.
    Labour has undermined your freedoms and independence (both as a nation and as individuals).
    Labour has lied repeatedly to you and taken the nation for fools.
    Labour has shown a consistent and sinister contempt for your democracy.
    Labour has allowed your government to be led by crooks, and kept on inviting them back.
    Labour has displayed nothing but cowardice, while serving up only cynicism to your country’s bravest men and women.
    Labour is still in hoc to militant trade union thugs on whom it is now almost entirely dependent for funding.

    The real battle starts now. The annihilation of Labour is something on which the long term future of England depends.

    • 197
      BadgerSnatch says:

      you don’t say…fuck I thought we’d been talking about politics on the moon here for years

      • 215
        13eastie (☭oodbye ☭ordon!) says:

        It would be somewhat surprising were space to have been found to discuss such a low-gravity matters as lunar politics, in view of the general predilection for: TaT; Jonty; Mark Oaten; BNР spam etc.

    • 207
      streamfisher says:

      He even managed to mess up by not calling an election when Labour were way ahead in the polls, a total disaster all round, well Gordon’s destroyed everything else he’s touched (and he is definitely touched) so only fitting that his last Jonah curse has descended upon his own party.

  69. 190
    Universal Hiss says:

    & that Fry person is a big fan of twitter. Unless he sulks. He’s a libour lovie too.Spits.
    It’s just another fucking look at me exercise. Isn’t it?

    I’ve just got out of the shower.

    I’m thinking about supper.

    Guido Fawkes blog is running out of steam.

    Robert Plant is still cool.

    et al.

    • 205
      rare speckled twittwattwittwitterer says:

      twat has his own place in Africa and a darkie to massage his feet, all payed for by the BBC

  70. 192
    Chalky says:

    “……some eleven thousand co-conspirators following him can’t be wrong.”

    Er…..several million are about to be proved very wrong by voting Labour.

    • 196
      We should be told,via twitter says:

      when will it be called Fawkes army and the uprising begin then

  71. 193
    Man from Monsanto he says:

    soon I will rule the world

  72. 194
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    Crikey !!! That gold price has shot up and the euro is a pile of dogsh1t.

    Hope no-one notices……..That’s probably cost the Country £ 8,000,000,000-

    Hope people are too stupid to realise that….

  73. 204
    Chief Rabby says:

    Ny news of the cocksucking liar Mandelson ?

    • 212
      Universal Hiss says:

      He’s too smart to tweet & always has a mouthful to chew on.

      Just making a position for his role in a Conservative government.

    • 217
      streamfisher says:

      He was brought up not to speak with his mouth full.

    • 288
      Mad Dan the motor man says:

      I hate him but you got to hand it to the twat he is a smooth operator.

  74. 210
    British taxpayer says:



    • 223
      Ratsniffer says:

      Vote lib dums get labour + athens

    • 226
      streamfisher says:

      Nah, its a damn sight warmer in Greece and at least they can convert their cars to run on olive oil.

      • 281
        Mad Dan the motor man says:

        I ripped all the computer shit out of my mondeo and changed the manifold.slapped a carb on it and a bit of wiring,job done and it still passes the emissions test

  75. 220
    Dack Blog says:

    God the news is boring on election day. I may go for a kip and get up at ten.

    • 224
      Lancashire Lad says:

      watch the duvet doesn’t eat you up

      • 254
        Dack Blog says:

        Realised after 15 minutes it just ain’t gonna happen. Will grab a few hours overnight at some point. Work will be a washout tomorrow – I’ll have to set some ‘exam conditions’ tests (when I do that they usually say, ‘Hungover, miss?’ Very perceptive, some kids).

        • 275
          Come Monday says:

          Hungover miss.very perceptive some teachers

        • 282
          Cheese Lover says:

          “exam conditions”
          Ah, that means you give them the answers first. Or do you work outside the state sector!

          • Dack Blog says:

            State sector, ‘tough’ school. I refuse to support pupes in ‘cheating’, and they respect me the more for it. Makes me a thorn in the side of management and they give me loads of shit as a consequence – but it’s worth it. They can’t sack me for having principles, so fuck ‘em. Students should get the grade they deserve, whatever that is.

            Anyway, my results are good because the kids know I won’t do their work for them so they put the effort in.

          • Oh and by the way says:

            Hey Dack, good on you for being tough, it is the only way for them to knuckle down and do it for themselves.

            With a tag name of Dack Blog I always imagined you to be a ‘hard Dick’ so to speak. No offence!!

    • 227
      beer and sandwiches says:

      Yeah, that’s my plan, only at 11pm when the exit polls should be out.

  76. 222
    RavingMad says:

    just idling about having a take away and watching the cricket – when some bloke comes on tv and talks about darts – some competition on at the moment with Phil Taylor winning as usual. The odd thing was that Mervyn King is second in the league – how the mighty are fallen eh?

  77. 225
    Don't forget to vote Labour Gran! big0t says:


    The imtimidating line up of Labour activist lining the access route to polling station in Tower Hamlets

    by jsfl May 6th, 2010 at 6:27 pm

  78. 228
    D L George says:

    Jesus C H Rist.
    This time tomorrow we may not be run by Liebore. It’s still sinking in. Not getting too excited unless the polls are accurate buy hey, the next 12 hours or so are going to be amazing.

    Who’s drinking tonight and how much?

  79. 246
    Engineer says:

    PM Programme reported that turnout is said to be “brisk”.

    I live quite close to our local polling station, and the procession of people going in and out has been pretty steady since about 4pm, when people start getting back from work. Turnout here is certainly way above the Euro elections last year.

    • 249
      streamfisher says:

      Bigger turn out is supposed to be better for the Conservatives but am worried about how much fiddling has been going on with the postal votes, this lot would destroy democracy to remain in power.

      • 256
        Dack Blog says:

        I thought that but that theory was totally dissed on the news yesterday by an Oxford stats boffin. No correlation with turnout or weather apparently.

        • 286
          Born Yesterday says:

          LMFAO !!

          “Oxford stats boffin” . They’re those commendable chaps wot never see nothin wrong with the world , ain’t they ??

          Evrythin smells of roses an evryone abides by the rules of cricket .

          WAKE UP BOFFIN , DARLIN !!!

    • 250
      Anonymous says:

      “…..when people start getting back from work.”

      You must live in a posh neighbourhood.

  80. 248
    lala says:

    just been to vote with my husband, we were both a bit put out that they wanted us to mark the ballot in pencil! Insisted on using the officers pen, she was not amused.

    Is pencil the norm? With the amount of electoral fraud in Glasgow South i am not about to take them on trust.

  81. 251
    KW17 says:

    Many a twitter makes a twatt and may I welcome you to Twatt-kind

  82. 252
  83. 253
    Mrs Duffy says:

    Who thinks I have the sort of face like someone who would stab your football if it landed in my garden?

  84. 257
    The right thing to do. says:

    The dirty deed is now done. After deciding to vote UKIP many moons ago at the last moment the Tory candidate now has my X. I am not pleased and I am not proud but as gordon would say “It was the right thing to do”.

    It’s all that Nick Clegg’s fault, until the Telly debates Dave was romping home and I could cast my EU protest vote for UKIP but reality is only a vote for Dave is going to get Gordon out.

    Please please let it be that Dave is a Eurosceptic at heart.

    • 270
      KW17 says:

      I hope your candidate wins

    • 274
      Universal Hiss says:

      Pats that person on the back.

      Glass of?

    • 299
      nearly says:

      I desperately wanted to vote ukip but right at the last moment put my X next to that stupid crayon drawn tree, don’t even know the candidates name.

    • 306
      Anonymous says:

      You are right to vote as you did under the circs. Getting Gordon out must be a priority.

      • 320
        The right thing to do. says:

        It was the right thing but I do hope ALL Tories in Buckingham vote Farage as that is also the right thing to do.

        • 455
          Noahs a Dude says:

          well played…getting the chin grinner out is priority numero uno

  85. 258
    Clunking Iron Arse says:

    I started drinking early today and won’t last the pace. Please wake me up to let me know that Blinky has been castrated.

  86. 260
    Mrs Duffy says:

    I used to like whats his face who’s name I can’t remember,it’s just as well cos I hate him now,but he was a taffy,he’s a yank now

  87. 261
    KW17 says:

    North Wallians might look down on him as well

  88. 263

    Breaking Rib’s
    Nigel drop in on Buckingham !

  89. 264
    Labour Are Dead & Buried says:

    Let’s fucking hope today marked the end of Labour for at least the next 15 to 20 years!!!

    To the Liebore trolls still hanging round here: there’s only one message for you and your fascist, corrupt party.

  90. 266
    Labour Are Dead & Buried says:

    Let’s hope today marks the end of Labour for at least the next 15 to 20 years!

  91. 267
    Twit of the Year says:

    Oh my, this is fun.

    It’s getting more exciting by the minute, just like eurovision song contest.

    I’ve already voted three times and soon I’m going to vote for Lithuania, they’ve got the best song

    • 294
      streamfisher says:

      Cliff was robbed in 1968 but Congratulations to Dave 2010.

      • 436
        stilyagi_air_corps says:

        I think Cliff had his bottom touched, too. Or was that the 1958 incident?

  92. 269
    Send Jonah to prison says:

    Goodbye, Gorgon. And good riddance, you evil c-unt.

  93. 271
    Anonymous says:

    From the BBC:

    Many people alive today possess some Neanderthal ancestry, according to a landmark scientific study.

    Now we can understand why so many vote Labour………….

  94. 276
    Seventies Survivor says:

    It’s alright, lads, we’re saved. Channel 4 News is reporting oil discovery near the Falklands Islands. Rockhopper shares going skyward!

    And get this…it happened on Gordon’s watch !!! Vote Labour after all!

    • 287

      What a fuckin shame the idle race wont find out untill toilets tells them about it tomorrow
      by that time the count will be done
      ha ha ha ha

      • 326
        Seventies Survivor says:

        Gotcha! Stick it up ya Junta! Sink the Belgrano! Maggie for Pope! Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster! Oh, those glorious Conservative days of yore! How we’ve missed them. HAHAHAHAHA!

        • 358
          Anonymous says:

          that was the eighties you seventies tosser !!!

          • Blue Ted says:

            READ THE POST HE NEVER SAID ANY OF THE ABOVE HAPPENED IN THE 70,s which is only mentioned in his moniker.

            You dumbass Labour supporting spunging thicko.

          • Not long now Nu Lab and your sh*t policies says:

            284 – Sinking of the ‘Belgrano’ a few hundred enemy killed, 85k Civilian causalities in I raq and Af ganistan. Spot the difference twat? No doubt you will chuffed when the oil revenue comes in from the Falklands so that you can sponge even more off the state.

          • Seventies Survivor says:

            I run my own business, actually, pay NI, income tax, own my own home and have never claimed any kind of benefit. But that doesn’t quite fit your profile, does it?

            And thank you, Blue Ted, for pointing out that I did say anything about the 70′s post. Never mind, these red-necks on here can’t all read…

      • 442
        Fuggy says:


  95. 277
    Universal Hiss says:

    Well the tweet feed is going really well.

    Laughs & goes for a refill.

  96. 283
    brown bread says:

    Is this the beginning of the end of the nightmare that is Brown?

    • 285
      Universal Hiss says:

      How do they know?

      • 297
        in the know says:

        If they don’t know who the fuck does?

        • 307
          Universal Hiss says:

          Silly me. I thought it was a secret ballot & until the count takes place,all the rest is conjecture.

          & this is a twitter from a BBC reporter. You have more faith than I.

          • Anonymous says:

            With private polling the politicos are always one step ahead.

          • Brown Minder says:

            well, we’ve already counted all the votes necessary and Mr Brown will be telling you the results just after 9.0pm.

          • banner healines says:

            Hopefully he’ll be trying to make his escape in a light aircraft over Northamptonshire by then.

          • Yoo Hoo! Remember me the labour candidate? says:

            Itis a secretive balllot. If you want you can check back the serial number on the ballot paper to see who the named recipient voted for …. .

  97. 284
    Sarah Blog says:

    This morning we have already been out to vote, and now it is time for the British people to decide. Whatever the outcome I have enjoyed travelling around the country in this campaign and meeting so many wonderful people.

    • 293

      So gordon if you watch the kids i’ll be in touch
      through my lawyers !

    • 311
      The Queen Rules OK says:

      This woman (beard) has really overstepped the line. She is not our first lady, she just happens to be married to our most senior MP (for now).

      I trust Sam Cam will support her husband with modesty unlike the recent Labour slappers.

      • 345
        Captain Codling (son of Haddock) says:

        She overstepped the line alright, she even sired his sickly brood in order that he could advance his Prime Ministerial ambitions by playing the family man card.

        Kids and wife will shortly become surplus to requirements (along with 500,000 public sector spongers).

    • 339
      Unsworth says:

      More importantly, did they enjoy meeting you?

      • 391
        Bugger off fat arsed grotty cow says:

        Revolting cow – unwanted and hated,like him.

  98. 289
    Anonymous says:

    If the only people voting are those that are returning from work, it doesn’t bode too well for the Bogey Muncher does it?


    • 337
      lolol with the real lolol moniker says:

      Was voting this am 7:40 and had a queue at the two desks,lots of oldies and people going to work,went past the place and it was still busy about 2:15pm must be a high turnout,we will soon know.

      • 406
        My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

        60% + here at our polling station,hoping to see the end of steve mc cabe as our mp, another high school marxist imported from caledonia,a total fucking nob

  99. 292
    Send Jonah to prison says:

  100. 301
    Send Jonah to prison says:

  101. 309
  102. 315
    Idiot Quotient says:

    “I’d be getting more jittery about a Tory govt. what do you think’s propped up the private sector for so long? public cash!”

    Is this bloke really this thick?

    • 382
      The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

      Socialists are usually thick shit stabbers

  103. 319
    Anonymous says:

    Dow Jones in free fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  104. 321
    British taxpayer says:





  105. 327


  106. 328
    Down With Brown! says:

    Done my bit and voted. Looking forward to lots of Labour MPs losing their jobs.

    • 343
      Ewanme says:

      Ever the optimist , darlin ??

      I’ll be lookin forward to your fellow criminals losin their noddles .

      We will never forget .

      E x .

    • 348
      Mexican Tom says:

      What are the parachute payments for redundant MPs?

  107. 341

    Good Evening. Under 3 hrs until polls close and the exit poll. V exciting.Pols say naroow Tory majority, polls say hung.

    what does this mean?

    • 351
      First Time Poster says:

      It means you’re a USELESS twat and we’re resigned to more of the same.

    • 357
      jupiter says:

      Covering is arse as per usual, the fat bastard.

    • 359
      Anonymous says:

      It means broadcasters ain’t allowed to say anything since 06:00 dubs until 20:00 that will influence the election

  108. 346
    Zapped says:

    To all you BBC bobby browns your numbers up you fuckers.

  109. 347
    RavingMad says:

    Here’s one for Gordon

  110. 352
    Jimeno says:

    Update from surveymonkey Poll Predictor.

    Number of votes was 97, so pretty much, each vote is 1%

    Cons Maj: 48
    Cons-Unionist Maj: 20
    No overall Control: 20
    LibDem-Lab Maj: 8
    LibDem Maj: 1
    Lab Maj: 0

    Thanks to all for taking part. NB Labour & Lib Dem types were just as welcome to participate

  111. 356
    Jimenos says:

    Update from lastnights prediction Poll.

    Number of votes was 97, so pretty much, each vote is 1%

    Cons Maj: 48
    Cons-Unionist Maj: 20
    No overall Control: 20
    LibDem-Lab Maj: 8
    LibDem Maj: 1
    Lab Maj: 0

    Thanks to all for taking part. NB Labour & Lib Dem types were just as welcome to participate

  112. 360
    Balanced budgets make everyone wealthy says:

    “The state sector is like a fat man of 200 kg sitting on the back of a 50 kg little man who is the real economy.”

  113. 361
    What's funnier ? says:

    the fact that the biggest windowlickers on Guido’s site don’t even live here so they won’t have known how it feels to vote today ?


    that after the most disasterous short incompetent Prime Minstership in living memory, the windowlickers hero call me dave will be lucky to get a majority against a bag of useless shite like Bruin ?

    I’m laughing pretty hard at both I have to say

    • 379
      funny peculiar says:

      You’ll be laughing the other side of your butt cheek by the end of the day.

  114. 362
    Anonymous says:

    I hope none of you boys will be staying up for Balls – otherwise Mrs Stroud will have to pray for you.

    • 372
      streamfisher says:

      My dog keeps having Balls moments, I always said we should never have called him Blinky.

  115. 365
    domino says:

    Well if by any stretch of the imagination scammed postal votes swing it for Labour then the Intifada starts on Monday!

  116. 367
    Another wasted vote in a NuLab Hεll near you says:

    Just voted. I don’t feel a small cross in a box quite expresses it, so I’d like to add something here:

    Fυck off Brown, you useless cυnt!

    That’s more like it…

    • 374
      The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

      You forgot to add …. and die of cancer you jock shit

      • 381
        Go now you utter s*hit says:

        very very painful cancer too.

        Utter scum excrement Brown.

    • 380
      Catflap says:

      I was so keen that I tried to engage the Polling station staff in political conversation.
      A cross in a box is indeed not enough.
      How about a gun to fire as well.
      Line up faces of the runners and riders and shoot at them.
      Useful way of conducting exit polls as well.

    • 408

      Gordon is down.
      Imagine its him in the mud this scene.
      If you were Peter Fonda..what would you do?

    • 448
      Bags Packed! says:

      Top Class! Best line I have read all day.

  117. 368
  118. 370
    political junkie says:

    I think I’m OD’ing on Fawkes.

    • 387
      Nathaniel Sloth says:

      I’m riding high on some (hard to get these days) red leb, man. Whatever will be will bee …….. ugghhhh……….

  119. 375
    The time has come. says:

    Off for a 3 hour sleep and then a can of Red Bull and Christmas and birthday parents rolled in to one as we watch the fraudster charlatan being demolished along with his thugs.

    Day off work tomorrow

    Champers chilling

    Bacon rolls ready

    Fillet steak for lunch tomorrow

    Ball’s being castrated.

    And Brown being driven out of No10


  120. 377
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    So what are the rumours of the Tory swing?

  121. 384
    jgm2 says:

    Sarah Tweet

    This morning we have already been out to vote, and now it is time for the British people to decide. Whatever the outcome I have enjoyed travelling around the country in this campaign and meeting so many wonderful people.

    She must have the memory of a goldfish if she enjoyed meeting the same bus-load of supporters at 100 different locations for the past four weeks. It must have been like the Truman Show for her.

    The same people just walking around in circles, shaking her hubbies hand, saying the same glib ‘great job, Gordon’ and back around the block a couple of more times before piling on the bus and racing off to the next venue.

    • 412
      Dack Blog says:

      She probably cost her beloved a few votes with that care in the community concerned face she’s been sporting the past few days. Hardly inspiring for the party faithful.

    • 420

      Thanks for that.. Its funny because its true.

  122. 385
    Jan says:

    A bit of history…..Some 40 years ago I was pounding the streets of Ormskirk putting election bumph into letterboxes on behalf of Robert Kilroy Silk….
    (I know, I know rather deluded, but I was a leftie student at the time). The election on 18th June saw the Tories returned to power and half the Liberals and Labour losing their seats. I suppose it’s a bit much to ask that this happens tomorrow.Anyway since those times I grew up and forgot all that silly class warfare but it seems the likes of Polly et al just can’t leave it behind They still wallow in it today. The sooner these dinosaurs leave for Europe the better.
    I hope you all have a great evening…As for me, I am off to Annie’s in Beal Atha Da Chab for a night of fun. Drinks start across the road in a room no bigger than a small living room where you get the menu.Then it’s over to Annie’s for west Cork fish and steak. I’ll be up all night with a very large Hennessy’s to welcome in our new PM (retirement is great).
    Tomorrow will be a new chapter in our history…I know I am here but I still care about there. This is the start of a new adventure..It is going to be exciting……

  123. 386
    Dack Blog says:

    Ed Balls result expected at 3am btw, for all those anticipating a Portillo moment.

  124. 392
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Boris Johnson doing to a Kraut what the British people will do to Nu Liebour tonight

    • 397
      The Austin Allegro had a Square Steering Wheel says:

      I’m on 5 gig a month, so I’ll pass on this.

    • 471
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      Must of been like escaping from Colditz only to go back and marry the camp guard.

  125. 398
    lala says:

    Sorry to keep going on people, but are we really meant to use a pencil on the ballot paper?

    • 416
      Ewanme says:

      LOL !!!

      I done mine wiv lipstick , hun .

      Nobody said nothin but they woz well-keen to clock my number for “administative purposes”

      E x .

    • 421
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      I took my own indelible felt tip. I don’t trust the fuckers.

    • 430

      Actually yes.
      To do with storage. Pencils don’t run out. You’re probably using the same pencil someone’s granddad first voted for Ramsay MacDonald with.

      • 450
        Engineer says:

        I think somebody might have sharpened it. In about 1974 judging by the one I had to use.

  126. 399
    new labour mp says:

    just about to complete my first expense form – thanks to all who voted for me.

    • 451

      Do you get extra points for rarity?

      Can’t see too many new Liebourites getting in tonight – I wasted my vote on the English Democrats, but then again I’m in a very safe Tory seat, and can’t stand that dreadful little shit Gerald Howarth who wears the blue rosette here.

      I’m waiting for the Barking result with bated breath – word is that unless the postal votes are totally unrepresentative, then Margaret Oppenheimer Hodge will be able to enjoy her retirement, and the first Unmentionable will be elected to Parliament.

      Forza Anglia!

  127. 403
    Gobbler says:

    I’ve got more snot up my nose than Gordon Brown will ever have

  128. 405
    Rod Liddle exposed as a wanker LOL says:

    I never thought I’d agree with Degsy Hatton but he’s dead right about that useless fraud, Rod Liddle:

    “It wasn’t exactly on the menu, but Derek Hatton dished up a bitter tirade while recording the Come Dine With Me election special.
    The former Labour councilor branded political commentator Rod Liddle a ‘f*****g fat, useless lump’ and a ‘pathetic bully’ in a bitter rant at his host.”

    • 411
      Liddle, fuck off you're not welcome at Millwall says:

      Liddle is a pathetic old tart. Did you see him sucking up to that creep Miliband on the telly last week. Proper little arselicker is Rodders.

    • 428
      Rachel Royce says:

      Well. He fucked me over good and proper. I’m having to scrape a living writing for The Daily Female.

  129. 414
    JN says:

    Rumours going round that the B_N_P are heading for around a stunning 2 million votes.

    If that’s the case then the Labour vote must have gone into complete meltdown as the white working class desert it in droves.

    • 435

      Really? I doubt it very much. Wouldn’t have thought there would be two million white people left in Labour constituencies.

      • 462
        Axe The Telly Tax says:

        They got 1 million votes in the Euros last June on a 33% overall turnout.

  130. 415
    nell says:

    So here we are , guess we’ve all voted. Cameron in no.10 tomorrow!!

    But at the moment the news is all about the EU crisis and the possibility that the Greece crisis is spreading and might ruin the euro. Lord don’t I wish!!!

    • 429
      pound is forexed says:

      Don’t hold your breath. Sterling is going down the shitter long before the euro does.

    • 446
      Ewanme says:

      Hiya , nell , darlin xxx .

      Yeah , spose Camoron will be our next PM. **YAWWWNN**

      Give it six months , tho , an we’ll be learnin up on how The Greeks deal wiv “disappointment” , hun .

      We is sooo close to feelin the sandpaper of truth on our perfectly formed virgin bottoms , I reckon .

      LOL !!

      That is crap but who cares ??

      E x .

      • 465
        nell says:

        Ewanme ‘the sandpaper of truth………’

        I just love that comment!!

        gordon’s going to be the one to feel it first!!

  131. 418
    Busted Nokia says:

    um, just look at gold soaring – now 818 pounds an ounce – up 27 pounds an ounce in one day. Now its risen 10 pounds since London closed..

    This country is going down..

    Gordon we will be forever in your debt

  132. 421
    Zapped says:

    I see my post from my call to Greece has made the BBC twats who read and monitor Guido’s have started running the story.great this internet innit

    • 456
      P.C. Filth says:

      Sir – I may have to arrest myself for being “drunk in charge of a keyboard.” Would you be so kind as to arrest yourself for the same minor offence, Zapped, sir. Saves on the paperwork , you see. Over.

  133. 425
    David Cameron says:

    I’m shitting myself about tonight’s result.

    I get my Aids test back.

    • 432
      Anonymous says:

      Don’t talk about our new PM like that.

    • 433
      whatever says:

      Didn’t Brown get aids from cottaging in Cape Cod? Mandelson probably got a rare Brazilian strain. Don’t know about Nick Brown, Ben Bradshaw, Chris Smith and the rest of the girls.

  134. 438
    tube_thumper says:

    i hate twitter its vacuous to the extreme. however i do have an account used it a couple of times to slag of labour twats.

    my name is tweettwattwot

    • 453
      tweettwottwat says:

      I’m tweettwottwat twat so you can’t be tweettwottwattweeting twat

  135. 439
    simon r says:

    Just voted for my new Tory candidate in Bexley ( good riddance Conway you fat shit) – polling station very busy, was hoping to see some twats in red rosettes to give the finger to but no luck.

    As I put the ballot in the box I muttered ‘av that you f******’.

    A safe Tory seat – but it still felt good.

  136. 440
    nell says:

    Anyone heard from edballs tonight. I see that michael portillo has advised him to write two speeches one for victory and one for defeat. Best wishes to Calvert tonight. I do hope you win!!

    I suspect the same advice would be applicable to gutlessgordon (although of course he will hang onto his seat even as he loses the PM’s job)

    Then there’s philhope, jacquismith, aintbustingaut, kevan, rammell and a fair few other labour troughers who have, disgracefully, tried to hang on to their job, with its over generous benefits and gold plated pension thanks to gordon and labour, after defrauding the taxpayers of £thousands.

    I do believe the gravy train is hitting the buffers!

  137. 449
    his excellence says:

    1 hour to salvation.

  138. 452
    WOOOOOOOO says:

    Rumours of exit poll showing Tories on 39%. Labour and LDs fighting for second. Repeat: rumours = overall majorirty.

    • 458
      butter says:

      Please let that be true with Labour in third place. WOOOOOOO….!!!!

    • 468
      Let it be so! says:

      If true.

      With others on 10 ish% that would mean a 13-15 point lead perhaps?

      Labour will definatley be in 3rd in England

  139. 459
    simon coulter says:

    For once, I’m *speechless*.

  140. 461
    Rowan Williams, Archwanker of Canterbury says:

    I’ve dropped into this blog each day for three weeks. I have to say it’s the most profain, ill informed and aimless blog in the blogispheren, not a patch on the wonderful Iain Dale’s. Guido dear boy, don’t you know that people tend to judge you by the company you keep? What do the foul mouthed, political and fiscally illiterate low life you allow to demean your blog, say about you?

    • 466
      South of the M4 says:

      With your moniker, I would not ask the question.

    • 476
      Pope Benedict says:

      Fuck off Williams, I get my rocks off every night reading the words of wisdom from Guido’s intimate friends! Bless the fucking lot of you!

    • 480
      Engineer says:

      “the foul mouthed, political and fiscally illiterate low life you allow to demean your blog”

      Ah – you mean the Labour Trolls (very quiet these last couple of days) and the pestilence formerly known as “thick as thieves”, also quiet since rumours of a Conservative majority started to surface.

      Guido doesn’t encourage them – indeed, he spends much time deleting them – but, like politicians, rain and instant coffee (yuech), they are always with us.

    • 483
      Pope Benedict says:

      Williams and Benedict! What a pair they make. One a sheep shagging, Welsh shit stabber, the other a Nazi Youth! We’ll take no preaching from you hypocritic twats!

    • 487
      Mr Slater's Parrot says:


    • 491
      Guido says:

      Yes I am at a Party, pretty pissed as it happens! I can’t believe it! You turn your back for two minutes and those shits from Rome and Caterbury take advantage and start PREACHING to all my lovlies. Give em hell boya and girls, I’ll read the aftermath later.

  141. 464
    Mrs Duffy says:

    read this watch out take care

  142. 470
    Dack Blog says:

    Game on… new thread up.

  143. 474
    nell says:

    I’m just so sorry that labour has, by its indifference and inactivity, denied the vote to so many of our troops who are abroad.

    Deliberate of course. It isn’t fair that those who are being asked to make the ultimate sacrifice are not allowed a voice and it says everything about this foul undemocratic labour government which is hopefully now finished!!

  144. 478
    D J Mrs Duffy says:

    Seeing as Guido has fucked off to his party I will be DJ for the night. So any requests.

    • 488
      concrete pump says:

      ‘Save your love’, by Renee and Renato, or whatever his fucking name was.

      Go on, all the lyrics, i fucking dare you.

  145. 489
    denverthen says:

    How the feck do you maximise your ubiquity? That’s another Guidoism this thicko just does not get.

    “Ubiquity” is one of those words, isn’t it? You either are or you aren’t (ubiquitous).

    More wine, damn you!

  146. 493
    Busted Nokia says:

    okay so which media outlet will you listen to or watch tonight?

    • 496
      Yoo Hoo! Remember me the labour candidate? says:

      Start with the Beeb as you have paid for it already

  147. 501
    Henry Wood says:

    Bag o’ shite. Just unsubscribed from what was once a great blog.

Seen Elsewhere

Guido’s Column | Sun
NUT’s Loony Defence of Status Quo | Jago Pearson
A Dozen Reasons to Be Cheerful | John McTernan
Political Bloggers Are Equal Opportunities Attackers | ConHome
Michael Gove Should Resign | Conservative Women
Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads