April 26th, 2010

The Brown Nixon Elvis Conspiracy Theory Competition

Guido has been racking his brain for an explanation into the thinking behind the Elvis support act for Gordon.  Here are my top conspiracy theories:

  1. Gordon is living out a Richard Nixon fantasy, he seems himself as a man of substance and policy, like Nixon, facing defeat at the hands of more photogenic and televisual opponents, with Clegg and Cameron playing the role of Kennedy.  So since Nixon and Presley were mates…
  2. Benjamin Wegg-Prosser has a £500 bet with Mandelson on who can succeed in making Gordon look the most ridiculous during the campaign.  Still 10 days to go so Mandelson is not paying up just yet.
  3. Alastair Campbell is back on the bottle and thought it was a good idea late one night.  He did big up the whole cringe-making event.
  4. Wee Dougie Alexander produced some focus group data that showed Elvis was still king in some key demographics, old people, people without iPods, C1, D1 hardworking families. Wee Dougie has now defected to the Miliband camp…
  5. Michael Jackson was unavailable.  He is after all a well known kids entertainer…

Put your theory in the comments please, best theory wins a copy of  The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze, competition closes midnight.


413 Comments

  1. 1
    Sunday Morning says:

    Since no one else can understand him and everything he does is wrong, Gordon Brown has a natural affinity with Elvis.

    Like

    • 21
      rather have a T shirt says:

      “…..best theory wins a copy of The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze, competition closes midnight.”

      How many copies of this book have you got FFS?

      Like

      • 29
        Doctor Mick says:

        Second best theory wins two copies of the tome….

        Like

        • 57
          Mr G Brown says:

          I’m currently getting on with job, which today means I’m in a dark room with clones of my greasy haired misfit, useless younger self, posting useless anti Cameron bile on the London Evening Standard site.

          Then off to another North Korea staged event.

          Now for my five times daily cocktail of medication.

          Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Talking of North Korean type events, did you notice that nobody in that supermarket the dear leader was in today had shopping trolleys. I take it they are now so over taxed that they go to supermarkets to look at the goods because they have no money to buy them.

            Like

          • “Brown has left the building!”

            Like

          • Running on Empty says:

            WOW! What a scoop!

            Like

          • sinosimon says:

            the lucky few who actually get to touch the hem of the dear leader’s garb are so energised(copyright p. mandelson) that they have no further need of earthly nutrients.

            Like

        • 61
          Anonymous says:

          >
          > > From: “Dark Lord”
          > > To: undisclosed-recepients
          > >
          > >>
          > >> OMG this is so real… no-one knows why it works but it does

          > >> you must follow these instructions to the letter or 5 years of brown substance will suffocate the nation:
          > >>
          > >> 1) Visit http://ua.am/0IH2q and enter your postcode.
          > >> 2) If you see Labour in 1st or 2nd, make a note of the > other biggest name
          > >> 3) On May 6th, you will see near you a building marked ‘Polling Station’
          > >> 4) Go in and put an X in the box next to the party you remembered above
          > > (or Old Holborn if in Cambridge)

          > >> YOU MUST SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR BRITISH FRIENDS WITHIN 2 HOURS!!!
          > >> Failure to do so will mean you will have bad debt, poor job prospects for at least 5 years
          > and run >> the risk of ending up in jail for not providing your ID card on request.
          > >
          > >>> >
          > >>> >
          > >>

          Like

        • 65
          Anonymous says:

          >
          > > From: “Dark Lord”: PM4PM_53@hotmail.com
          > > To: undisclosed-recepients
          > >
          > >>
          > >> OMG this is so real… no-one knows why it works but it does

          > >> you must follow these instructions to the letter or 5 years of brown substance will suffocate the nation:
          > >>
          > >> 1) Visit http://ua.am/0IH2q and enter your postcode.
          > >> 2) If you see Labour in 1st or 2nd, make a note of the > other biggest name
          > >> 3) On May 6th, you will see near you a building marked ‘Polling Station’
          > >> 4) Go in and put an X in the box next to the party you remembered above
          > > (or Old Holborn if in Cambridge)

          > >> YOU MUST SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR BRITISH FRIENDS WITHIN 2 HOURS!!!
          > >> Failure to do so will mean you will have bad debt, poor job prospects for at least 5 years
          > and run >> the risk of ending up in jail for not providing your ID card on request.
          > >
          > >>> >
          > >>> >
          > >>

          Like

      • 32
        Taffy says:

        what about the black book of Guido sleaze?

        Like

      • 259
        the drugs don't work says:

        apparently elvis was there so that gordon would not be the only man in the room with a high collar but no tie on, as his carer sarah had it, along with his belt and shoelaces, in her handbag until they could get the straightjacket back on in the bunker……

        Like

    • 28
      Doctor Mick says:

      But Elvis was on all sorts of prescription medication, enough to knock out a horse.

      Like

    • 31
      fitaloon says:

      Who needs a theory, after what they have done to the country, why would we expect any better during the election. They really did actually think it was a good idea.
      No more no less.

      Like

    • 37
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      That’s the Blunder ,the Blunder of you !

      Like

    • 156
      sinosimon says:

      it is quite simple……..brown’s medication has sent him so far over the top that he has at last decide to be honest……..so he is merely signalling the truth to the nation by recreating the 70’s…..Elvis lives, the IMF are round the corner, and a Lib Lab pact testing democracy to destruction could be on its way.

      later in the week he will be demonstrating a dig your own grave/how to run a crematorium package, followed by a ceremonial piling of the rubbish sacks along whitehall.

      to be fair i feel i should mention the big celeb booked for saturday, to continue the back to the future theme, was to have been malcom mclaren, but he er…….couldn’t make it.

      simples.

      there is, however, no truth to the rumour that mandelson is trying to get sarah to fight joe bugner whilst rage against the machine ramp up a cover of the boney m classic ‘brown girl in the ring’ to get it back to no 1

      Like

    • 295
      Yorkie says:

      Elvis died taking a dump…errrr Gordon will die when the elecorate dump on him!!

      Like

    • 406
  2. 2
    Engineer says:

    Naah – it’s desperation, both fro Labour and the Elvis clone. The Bunker team couldn’t get anybody else to do the gig.

    Like

    • 4
      Engineer says:

      “from”, even…

      Like

      • 93
        Brown's a Tosser says:

        You have to ask who is running NuLabour’s campaign. And then ask why would you want this lot to run the Country. You really could not make this stuff up. Seriously what credibility do they have left? The answer NONE.

        Like

  3. 3
    Gichard Bixon says:

    There will be no whitewash in the shitehouse,

    Like

  4. 5
    Damian Thompson Telegraph says:

    I thought if it FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRSSSSSSSSSSST

    Like

  5. 6
    ibbo says:

    Nixon was also a liar and a crook.

    I see many similarities between brown & nixon.

    Like

  6. 8
    Elvis Shitstirrer says:

    Gordos got sweaty palms too.

    Like

  7. 9
    Colonel Mad says:

    Gordon Brown is mad.

    Like

  8. 10
    Momentum says:

    Many people think Elvis came back from the dead.

    Like

  9. 11
    David says:

    Both their careers are dead, but both have a few insane supporters who refuse to believe it.

    Like

  10. 12

    I thought he was Shakin Steven’s -

    Like

  11. 13
    Sir William Waad says:

    If the electorate leaves you
    And you need a new place to dwell
    It’s down the end of Lonely Street
    At Heartbreak Hotel.

    Like

  12. 14
    typo says:

    “he seems himself as a man of ”

    “who can make Gordon looks the most ridiculous.”

    “Mandelson is not paying just up yet.”

    A bit early to be on the sauce Mr Fawkes.

    Like

  13. 15
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Elvis was a fat useless fucker who wore nappies and died on the toilet. Brown’s most of the way there.

    Like

  14. 16
    Son of Selsdonman says:

    Someone told GB it was the singer with the Arctic Monkies and being seen with him would give him credibility with the youth vote

    Like

  15. 17
    I hate New Labour says:

    The biggest difference between Brown and Nixon is Nixon’s dead.

    Hopefully losing this election will force Brown to do the right thing and correct this aberration.

    Like

  16. 18
    Labour corrupt to the core says:

    Someone told Brown he looks like Elvis and he felt so flattered, he got an Elvis impersonator to look at every time he needs a confidence boost. What he didn’t realize is they meant he looks like the later obese Elvis.

    Like

  17. 19
    Gordon Brown PM says:

    Enough of this silly talk I have boys to bathe.

    Like

  18. 20
    Gordon Brown says:

    Thangyou. Thangyou verramuch. Uh-uh.

    Like

  19. 22
    Scrobs... says:

    It must be a first; Scrobs beats Guido to a post, but admits that the Dire Straits version is a better bet…

    Classic track here…

    Like

  20. 23
    Pablo says:

    Read the troll efforts on here and you get the idea

    Like

  21. 24
    Gorfoons Blownit all says:

    Smells of Mandlescum.

    I fear that the death of the labour party may be less drawn out and less painful that many of us would have hoped for.

    Like

  22. 25
    Tattooed_Arry says:

    Perhaps Mandelbaum was hoping that “Elvis” would give Brown a pistol (as Elvis gave Nixon one).
    And then Brown would blow his fecking brains out.

    Like

  23. 26
    PD77 says:

    Guido, shurely shome mishtake “Mandelson is not paying just up yet?”

    Like

  24. 27
    Labour are finished says:

    Brown’s started listening to Jailhouse Rock in preparation for his eventual imprisonment for crimes against the state.

    Like

  25. 33
    marcus aurelius says:

    let’s get to the bottom of his treasonable signature of the Lisbon Treary, his involvemet with Dr Kelly’s “suicide” and with Dunblane too

    Like

  26. 34
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Look i am shite with computers
    but i really would like one of you who knows what they are doing
    to put the hair off these two no to the “Millitwat Brothers
    under the heading “Deadwood ”
    thank you !

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4xCU6smNSY0/Sws1lmVH-hI/AAAAAAAABQk/AFtsYQTl9s4/s1600/The+Je

    Like

  27. 35
    Bath plugs for the many, not the few says:

    The plan was for Gordon to put his arm round the singer, greet him warmly and then like Cameron, pull his head off.

    Unfortunately he forgot to do what he’d been told. He’s been asking if they can go back and do a retake. Sarah Brown isn’t sure that would be a good idea.

    Like

  28. 36
    10 days to go says:

    In an attempt to connect with the young first-time voters, Mandy suggests being seen with a chart act. Gordon has heard of a young man from Memphis who is supposed to be quite good.

    GB requests ‘The Whiffenpoof Song’. “That’s not one of my most popular songs” relies Elvis “why don’t I sing…’It’s Over’, ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’, or ‘Softly, As I Leave You’.

    Like

  29. 38

    Colonel Tom Parker died the year Gordon Brown became chancellor.

    Elvis was on 14 separate drugs a day when his career ended; Gordon was on 14 bananas a day when his died.

    Elvis surrounded himself with the Memphis Mafia; Gordon did so with the Fife Mafia

    Journalist Tony Scherman’s quote could be applied to either man:

    “[Elvis/Gordon] had become a grotesque caricature of his sleek, energetic former self. Hugely overweight, his mind dulled by the pharmacopoeia he daily ingested, he was barely able to pull himself through his abbreviated [concerts/appearances.”

    Elvis went gold, platinum and multi-platinum a total of 171 times. Gordon sold off the gold.

    Like

    • 54
      Banana Lover says:

      They should be renamed the ‘Fyffes Mafia’.

      Like

      • 91
        Brown Believer says:

        Okay, we’d enjoyed all the hilarity.

        But I’m glad Labour have started to show us the real Gordon Brown. While Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg come across as normal guys, Brown has been placed in a straitjacket of ‘gravitas’ by his advisers. No wonder he trailed in the debates given this handicap!

        Now that Gordon is free to be himself we’ll start to see a shift in perceptions. Those who know him in private – such as his staff – praise his amazing ability to build and bond a team, great sense of humour and considerable charm.

        It’s time the British public saw the real man rather than the stiff ‘PR correct’ version foisted upon us by these out of touch backroom boys.

        Like

        • 154

          Afternoon Sarah, not long now before Ms Shackleton can post Gordie the letter.

          Like

        • 161
          Brown's a Tosser says:

          Sorry seen the real man for the last 13 years – DO NOT LIKE WHAT I SEE. All the focus on Brown by NuLabour will just make their vote shrink even more.

          Like

        • 184
          Come on Gordon! says:

          You’re right. Labour has been far, far too cautious. Their campaign has been painfully stiff and lifeless. But when people start to see that Gordon isn’t just a heartless calculating machine, brilliant mind but no common touch, etc. they’ll start to realise their good fortune in having him as their PM. And that will be what counts on pilling day .

          Like

          • Drugs Baron says:

            ‘Pilling day’. While obviously just a typo – how apposite!!!

            Like

          • jgm2 says:

            If Gordon Brown was a heartless calculating machine how come he fucked up all the calculations so spectacularly.

            Unless, by ‘heartless calculating machine’, you mean ‘mendaciously, incompetently, fuckwitted calculating machine’.

            Like

          • AC1 says:

            More like Gordo’s “Suspicious Mind”.

            Like

          • The Penguin says:

            “”brilliant mind” – you’re taking the piss. Or maybe too many pills?

            The Penguin

            Like

          • Summer_Breeze says:

            Pilling day? We’ll all be on fecking pills if that thieving, lying swine gets back in again!

            Like

        • 189
          Workers Rights says:

          Er, I’d heard his staff were afraid of his bad moods and angry outbursts – including throwing things like mobile phones round the office….

          Like

          • Fist of Brown says:

            So what! He’s a strong leader, the sort people want. Simon Schama said the public admired someone who kept the proles in check – and someone as prestigious as him must know what they’re taking about.

            Like

          • sinosimon says:

            if you’re talking about his career killing appearance on newsnight mr schama appeared to the untrained eye to have arrived in the green room before anyone else, and being of a generous disposition prevented anyone from the embarassing effects of appearing on live tv under the influence by kindly emptying the minibar himself……….later on in the evening he probably sent ‘i really really luv u xxx’ messages to everyone in his phone, broke down crying and then threw up.

            it might not be best to take everything he said as gospel ……

            Like

        • 202
          Brown Aide says:

          I don’t know about ‘build’, but I’m sure GB is very good at ‘bonding’ a team.

          Like

        • 297
          Hugh Janus says:

          “But I’m glad Labour have started to show us the real Gordon Brown.”

          Where the hell have you been for the past 13 years BB?????????

          Like

      • 98
        zorro says:

        Apparently he’s carted out all the banana stock from the ASDA store in Weymouth….

        Like

    • 172
      Perhaps they got confused says:

      Are there any Elvis Costello impersonators?

      Like

      • 323
        The Penguin says:

        No one would want to impersonate the little oik – I once had the pleasure of correcting his attempt to blag a few extra fluid ounces of beer in his marked “polypin” as he was too special to drink in the pub with ordinary working class chaps…

        The Penguin

        Like

        • 379
          Perhaps they got confused says:

          Blimey Penguin

          I thought Elvis C was as security conscious as Banksy. Would you mind telling us more – obviously without breaching your contractual obligations?

          Like

    • 382
      Brown Believer says:

      Trouble with you guys is that you’re too big-headed and too stupid to realise what fun you provide….

      Like

  30. 40

    Why all the fuss the electorate long decided to dump Brow at the first opportunity but as Cameron said today, the present voting system is perfect for kicking out governments, blind to the truth of complete confusion. Perhaps he can run that one past me again?

    Like

  31. 41
    simon r says:

    Brown wrote to Campbell requesting Elvis Costello to perform the new Labour campaign song – ‘Accidents Will Happen’.

    Followed by ‘Man Out Of Time’, ‘I Want To Vanish’ and Sarah’s favourite – ‘Indoor Fireworks’

    Of course, we all know Brown’s handwriting is terrible.

    You could say it was a ‘Brilliant Mistake’.

    Like

    • 164
      Brown's a Tosser says:

      I would love to have heard Strawbs “Part of the Union”. Far more appropriate.

      Like

  32. 43
    Chalky says:

    One of the voices in Gordons’ head is Elvis. He told him it was a good idea to eat 9 bananas a day and to agree with everything that Mandelson and Campbell says.

    Like

  33. 44
    Anonymous says:

    I saw him crying in the chapel. Could have been worse it could have been a Roy Oribison lookalike singing “golden days before they end, make secrets to the wind. The country and your party doesn’t love you any more. It’s over, it’s over it’s ooooover, its over.”

    Like

  34. 45
    Captain Black says:

    When the army asked for new armoured cars to send out to the troops in Afghanistan, Gordon told them they could only afford a 1935 Alvis…

    Like

  35. 46
    Sir William Waad says:

    From the Times website:

    “Latest: Cameron in naked bid to woo Lib Dem voters”

    Guido, have you got any pictures of this please?

    Like

  36. 48
    Rowley Birkin QC says:

    Elvis Presley married Priscilla Presley…
    Priscilla Presley dated Richard Gere…
    Richard Gere dated Julia Roberts…
    Julia Roberts dated Matthew Perry…
    Matthew Perry dated Heather Graham…
    Hearther Graham dated Toby Maguire…
    Toby Maguire played Spiderman…
    Gordon Brown *IS* Spiderman and Elvis (still alive in Giffnock) knows his secret identity

    Like

  37. 49
    BROWNED OFF says:

    Who knows how parlous the state of Labour would have been without the Elvis stunt.

    Like

    • 90
      Nick2 says:

      And why has the Weekend News (Sat 24 Apr) been pulled from iPlayer? As if we didn’t know!

      If anyone has a clip of the saga, please will they upload it to YouTube? I don’t know how to dload the Brightcove video that Guido posted yesterday.

      Like

      • 219
        Airey Belvoir says:

        I have noticed that material showing Labour in a poor or risible light, tends not to get onto iPlayer or gets pulled early. Strange, that, as the BBC cannot possibly be biased…..

        Like

  38. 50
    Sarah's Beard says:

    Sarah told the campaign organizers to get the Elvis lookalike because she wanted him to sing Are You Lonesome Tonight for her special friend in Canterbury.

    Like

  39. 52
    Anonymous says:

    It is reported that just prior to his death, Elvis had a thirty pound submarine sandwich in his mouth, upper, middle and lower intestine and it was heading for the floor of the Crapper. On exit, it was brown. Now Brown has pledged to keep our submarines but is plagued by Elvis who bet Alistair Campbell thirty pounds that he could put Brown in the Crapper.

    Like

  40. 55
    Doctor Mick says:

    Elvis Presley’s last movement was Brown.

    Like

  41. 56
    BLUE HOCKKAI'E says:

    I dont want to be third in the polls peter

    Like

  42. 58
    Somecunt says:

    Here’s why

    Like

  43. 59
    GI Blues says:

    Perhaps Sarah likes a fried banana sandwich? Huh. Huh.

    Like

  44. 60
    David B says:

    The sign on the Downing Street gate on May 7th will read:

    “Gordon has left the building!”

    Like

  45. 62
    Sarah Brown tweets says:

    My hero and everyone’s hero together. Popular royalty. Elvis and Gordon, King and Queen. Derek and Damian said it was reverse psychology. I thought it was fabulous. Gordon is so sweet in private, it is a shame everyone is so horrid to him.

    Like

  46. 64
    no longer anonymous says:

    The elderly vote is leaning Tory, Brown thinks this is the only way he can win them back.

    Like

  47. 67
    jo-public says:

    ooo elvis can you just sing me ‘jailhouse cock’ one more time theres a good laddie

    Like

  48. 68
    BLUE HOCK KAI'E says:

    Another similarity between Brown and Elvis
    Gracelands
    and
    Disgraceland

    the King of Rock and Roll
    The King of Bust and Dole

    Like

  49. 69
    Oh no says:

    Sarah’s on the campaign trail in a shorter skirt than usual. Either they’re getting desperate. Or she did it for her special friend watching in Canterbury.

    Like

  50. 70
    awww so sweet says:

    Sarah Brown was hoping to be asked, by the press, to sing her favorite (Presly) number… “He Is My Everything”.

    (It worked for Cherie – “When I’m sixty-four”)

    Like

  51. 71
    east of Munich says:

    The knives are out, Blairites are preparing for the post-election period and whatever it´s outcome they want rid of Brown, so for this ridiculous “performance” they can put the blame on him. They both were and are drugged up to and above their eyeballs.
    P.S. are there any UK Bands or individual Singers who would put their career on the line for Nu-Labour?

    Like

    • 229
      The Admiral says:

      Nope…

      Like

    • 236
      Press 1 for English says:

      Surely Labour knew that by sticking with Brown, third or even worse place, was on the cards. People are suspicious regarding Cameron, ambivalent about Clegg, but by God they HATE Brown and his revolting acolytes. Sadly people are crying out for real change and the government to get off their backs too, something that none of the major parties are offering.

      Like

  52. 72
    Catosays says:

    Elvis was singing ‘Rocking Horse Cock’ and GB thought it was ‘Jail House Rock’.

    Like

  53. 73
    Abuse of Power says:

    Have often thought what Brown will do after he is consigned to oblivion. Reckon he will go mad when he realises how he is hated, although Blair seems to thrive on it. The difference however is that Blair is now one of the socialist jet-set and can bugger off to other countries at a whim, Brown is not in that club.
    So I think that once Brown goes totally loopy and becomes a bit of an embarrassment he will end up like Dr David Kelly.
    On the other hand he may just take his own life.

    Like

  54. 74
    Quiller says:

    1970s type policies
    1970s type strikes
    1970s type face (Browns)
    1970s type wars
    1970s type economic recession
    1970s type energy crisis
    1970s type political scandals
    1970s type stagflation
    1970s type feminism

    All the result of a 1970s type Nu Labour

    Therefore they need a 1970s type musician.

    Like

  55. 75
    trouble at'mill says:

    It looks like some Brownites are trying to kill David Milibands chances of taking over as leader stone dead. They are busy dropping hints to certain journalists that Miliband was at the brainstorming meeting that suggested the Pope should bless a gay wedding and open an abortion clinic and even that Miliband himself made some of the offensive suggestions.

    Labour’s internal war has started even before the election result is known.

    Like

  56. 76
    Kate Bush says:

    Careful Guido! I’ve been booked for Cameron’s final debate. Woo a woo hoo woo.

    Like

  57. 76

    Brown is going to be backed next by The Wombles, singing “Remember Your A Womble”

    ……….Mandelson is going to win that bet with Wegg-Prosser…

    Like

  58. 79

    Simple. Gordon didn’t like the way the campaign was going. He was losing.
    So he decided to take over the operation himself.
    He booked a support guest but with his dodgy eyesight his Equality Integrator Adviser turned out to be an Elvis Impersonator Extraordinaire.

    Like

  59. 80
    52 Festive Rd says:

    Brown knows Elvis’ popularity is flagging so in return for a live apperance, Brown is advising him on how to achieve a zero % rise on sales of his back catalogue….

    Like

  60. 81
    Postal Vote says:

    Seeing Nixon there – will postal votes be labour’s watergate

    PS What’s the score on the broken-into ballet box in labour HQ for the constituency for which the Gould daughter wanted to run?

    Like

    • 119
      Bob the Builder says:

      It must be Mandelson who calls a BALLOT box a BALLET box…surrounders by all his rentboys…

      If he preparing for his last twisted coup then ?

      Like

    • 162
      Susie says:

      We’ve already had the burglary — Liam Foxgate.

      Like

  61. 82
    BLUE HOCK KAI'E says:

    Brown has Now Dropped the tie
    cause Elvis never wore one

    Like

  62. 83
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Perhaps Brown was paid £50 to help the Elvis impersonator’s career.

    Like

  63. 84
    zorro says:

    I don’t know why the Elvis impersonator didn’t treat us to a rendition of ‘The Great Pretender’….How appropriate….

    Like

  64. 85
    Adios El Gordo says:

    they are two of the most famous banana fans and are being supported by a banana cartel:

    A news report suggests that, based on renditions of sandwiches named after him, Presley ate his peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches with caramelized bananas and crispy bacon on grilled Hawaiian bread.[3] The Good, the Bad, and the Yummy states that “Elvis might have been horribly misguided about drugs and sequins, but he got one thing right—peanut butter and banana sandwiches”.[11] It suggests using half a banana and a piece of bacon per sandwich, browning the sandwiches in a frying pan with butter, cutting the sandwiches into wedges, and piling them high.[11]

    Like

  65. 86
    The Sleeper says:

    It was all down to Obama.

    Brown called him to ask his advice on resurrecting his campaign.

    Obama said..”Listen,pal….you’d have to get Elvis next to you on stage for all the hope you’ve got.”

    The rest as they say,is history.

    Like

  66. 88
    MI5 says:

    I think Cammo will have a hard time keeping a straight face when he sees Gordoom on the stage on Thursday…

    I would just burst out laughing at the madman…

    Like

    • 106
      Jack says:

      Cameron should just say on the fiorst occastion he has on Thursday night…

      “Mr Brown, you know that no one takes you seriously ?!”

      And see him start to melt down…

      Brown will then come up with some joke about kiddies in his bath

      To which the asnwer before the TV cameras must be

      “You see Mr Brown – you really are neither serious nor credible” before an audience of 8 million…

      Like

    • 111

      Here’s my thoery, Guido.

      Gordon is under some new and experimental drug treatment. It is working well, but they are worried that, if pushed, he could snap and lose it live during one of the debates.

      His doctors said: “Best not to push it. Be careful. Try to accommodate his whims if you can.”

      So, one morning, Gordon wakes up and said: “I had a dream about meeting Elvis last night. I wish I could meet him in real life.” And so, the act was booked, and a simple act of kindness was turned into a major PR humilitation, sure to be talked about with scorn for decades to come.

      Like

    • 136
      The Sleeper says:

      DC should loudly hum “Devil in Diguise” at the beginning of Thursdays debate.

      Like

  67. 89
    If Tony was a Rock Star says:

    If you visit the Elvis Impersonator Mark Wright’s web page it all makes sense.

    He is a Friend and supporter of that famous enemy of Gordon Brown, one Tony Blair . He even has a single out called “If Tony was a Rock Star”

    http://www.markwright.co.uk/Default.html

    Like

  68. 94
    Formerly EC1 PhD says:

    The Elvis gig was an accident. He had been booked by the Accrington Stanley bingo social and as the Brown bus was passing, the driver heard Elvis sing “Return to Sender” so decided that as he was fed up with Brown, he’d stop for a pee while the contents of the bus hijacked the proceedings and runied a perfectly good afternoon gig.

    Like

  69. 95
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Liebour hire a man pretending to be a popular singer to support a man pretending to be a popular Prime Minister.

    Like

  70. 97
    Tony & Cherie Blair-Bollinger says:

    Well Hello all,

    Cherie and I just popped by to say we are very, very, very rich.

    Anyway proles, we’ve been stuck in Dubai thingy, cos our fat daughter ate the family jet fnar fnar. Listen, our bank account is so full we have had to buy Greece, Cherie is out looking at curtains and stuff to dec out the whole lot.

    Right must go now, having dinner with a load of filthy rich folk tonight and the story goes we shall all be buying the same oilfield in South Korea, better ring Cherie and tell her to get some curtains for it.

    OK you can all feck orf traa!

    Like

  71. 98
    Elvis Shitstirrer says:

    Anyone seen Wee Douglas Alexander . He owes me for Sweaty Palms Gordo Gig.

    Labour do pay their bills , don’t they?

    Like

  72. 102
    matthew hopkins says:

    gordon said he lost the tv debates ‘because he didnt smile enough’!!!!!!!

    how fookin deluded is he?

    more hated than ian brady!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  73. 103
    Emily's Fan Club says:

    It was a terrible mistake, it was supposed to be a Barry Manilow lookalike:

    “Well, you came and you gave without takin’
    But I sent you away, oh Mandy
    well, you kissed me and stopped me from shakin’
    and I need you today. Oh, Mandy! “

    Like

  74. 104
    The Archbishop of Canterbury says:

    I can exclusively reveal that Elvis is Gordon’s long-lost father.

    Like

    • 373
      HARRIET HARD ON and her husband JACK who likes it up the BRUM says:

      No chance
      Elvis only ever came to Britain once
      only a very quick visit just to have a shit
      father no ! owner yes !

      Like

  75. 105
    toffee apple and a nappy says:

    Come on Guido. It’s time to release the Gordon/rocking horse photo or are you saving it for the final week of the campaign?

    Like

  76. 108
    ET says:

    A spokesperson for David Miliband had just denied he was at the “papal visit” brainstorming meeting. He didn’t sound very convincing.

    Like

  77. 109
    Sarah's Beard says:

    When Sarah said she and Gordon were going to have a date night, she neglected to mention what they’d be doing. Gordon would be eating fried peanut butter, jam and bacon sandwiches in one room, while Sarah would be in another room phoning her special friend in Canterbury. That’s what I call true romance.

    Like

  78. 110
    Lord Mandelson says:

    I met this guy called Elvis in group therapy, i think hes got potential.

    or

    They want X-factor politics beat this

    or

    My friend Obama sent him over to make sure he gets the result he wants

    Like

    • 115
      I hate New Labour says:

      I think you’ll find this Elvis problem started in America.

      Like

    • 121
      Lord Mandelson says:

      only just read comment 82, i am the thought police

      Like

    • 222
      Lord Mandelson says:

      We need Gordon to look good, get me someone with less chance of making a comeback

      Like

    • 281
      Mandys secret diary says:

      24th April

      Thank fuck i realised that twat Campbell had booked the Lard arse singer Beth Ditto before she came on, imagine the headlines! lucky for us Elvis was in the area doing a gig at the labour club.

      Like

  79. 112
    Mandlickscum&Sweaty Balls says:

    Some strange substance was put in Ali’s herbal tea and those funny tasting biscuits were made in holland.

    Like

  80. 113
    The IMF is coming says:

    The Organiser of the event was asked if the fat ugly man, drugged up to eyeballs with a funny facial tick, was booked. He thought they meant Elvis

    Like

  81. 116

    Brown, being a closet homosexual, has always been an admirer of Elvis who he believes has been able to hide away and enjoy his lifestyle without being identified or seen. Brown, having accomplished being PM, now wishes he could “pull an Elvis” and run away with a little Brazilian.
    All the while Mandy is secretly upset that Gordon never took him on is trips to the Cape as the east coasts gay hub has the dream home that Mandy desires so much for his retirement. Mandy still harbours ill will towards Gordon, but still loves the idea of Labour and socialism just a little too much to strike out at Gordon, but leaks the little things, just for fun.

    Like

  82. 117
    Anonymous says:

    Is Mandelson Richard Nixon’s bastard child?

    Like

  83. 118
    Man In The Moon says:

    Mandelson realises both Gordon and Elvis are dead men walking.

    Like

  84. 120
    jgm2 says:

    I’m with Guido. The most likely explanation is some kind of perverse competition amongst Labour/Brown’s handlers to slip in the most ludicrous sound-bite/publicity stunt they think they can get away with.

    It’ll be a ‘dare’. They’ll have got outside a few dr*nks’ on the campaign coach and said

    ‘I tell you what, I tell you what, I bet you I can get an Elvis impersonator on stage with Gordon’

    ‘Naaah. No fucking way. How much are you prepared to bet? No fucking way?’

    ‘No, seriously, 100 quid says I can get Gordon and an Elvis impersonator on the same stage’

    ‘You’re on’.

    We really could be looking at a fake policewoman stripper to try and out-do that.

    Like

    • 151

      It’s a funny theory jgm2, but if you think about it, even collectively, socialists just don’t have a sense of humour – Take a look at LabourLost and Left Foot up my Arse.

      Like

      • 171
        jgm2 says:

        How can you say socialists don’t have a sense of humour when they can sit po-faced through such ludicrous Brown-isms as ‘I saved the world’, ‘No more boom and bust’, ‘It started in America’, ‘We are best placed’, ‘Thanks to the prudent decisions we have taken…’ without laughing so much they cry.

        It’s like getting 400 Jack Dees in the same place at once. He stands there telling these outrageous gags and everybody just sits there straight-faced, refusing to laugh.

        That’s as funny as fuck that is.

        Anyway I reckon Guido should be giving out a book for the prediction about what stunt Mandelson/Miliband will come out with to top the Elvis gag.

        I predict a ‘policewoman’ stripper. ‘You’ve been a very naughty boy Gordon, you’ve completely fucked the economy….’

        [Mandelson presses button on CD player]

        ‘The minute I walked in the room…….

        ….Real big spender…..’

        Like

        • 183
          I hate New Labour says:

          Any party that thinks Milliband is in any way a suitable candidate to run the country has to have a cracking sense of humour.

          Like

          • jgm2 says:

            Or, indeed, in any way a suitable candidate to be foreign secretary.

            I just love the reports of the Russian Foreign secretary tearing him a new arsehole over the phone.

            Like

          • UKIP Until We're Free says:

            The only country Millipede has in mind is Israel – whatever job he’s doing.

            Like

    • 209
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      That does sound like the kind of thing Derek Draper would do.

      Seriously.

      Like

    • 264
      Article 38 says:

      Well Milibanana managed to get the one where the FCO tells the Pope to go and f*** himself through, so maybe he’s ahead on point now?

      Like

  85. 122
    Strange Smell says:

    Elvis died on the toilet.Gordon lives on it?

    Like

  86. 123
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    He was sent by bad Al to drive home the message to Gordon “a little less conversation”

    Like

  87. 125

    Why Elvis?

    The answer is:

    The cabinet (of cowards) have decided the only way to convince Gordon that it is time to go, is to make Gordon think he is going mad.

    After the election rally, everyone around Gordon pretended Gordon must have been “seeing things” – as Elvis is long dead.

    Since Brown is actually mad, this strategy of removing Brown is not proving as hopeful as first thought.

    Like

  88. 127
    Stephen Hawking says:

    These Aliens get up to all sorts of mischief. Do not make contact. Be warned!

    Like

  89. 128
    stepney says:

    When wee Duggie reported on some key demographics, Gordon realised that they were losing the youth vote and so went to align himself with ‘pop’ music, the sort of thing that the young people seem to like so much nowadays.

    Still smarting from the pillory received on his admission that he liked the Arctic Monkeys, (but didn’t have clue who they were), Gordon turned to Elvis as a sure fire bet. Elvis was popular last time Gordon listened to music radio in 1973 and dollops of reflected glory was therefore assured.

    Wee Dougie wanted the Proclaimers but they were already booked and anyhow Gordon was immovable on his choice.

    Campbell was out of his brain after a 28 hour session with a crate of Brasso and not in a fit state to see the trouble on the horizon.

    The rest is history.

    Gordon has left the building..

    Like

  90. 129
    C M Carter says:

    In ’77 Brown based all this lectures on the Nixon/ Frost interviews, he would play both parts in his own one man show of little variety. One day in august Elvis up and died and that was all the newspapers would talk about that week. Brown didn’t know what to do. Perhaps he could recite the famous resignation speech from ’74? But no, someone reminded him that that was what he always did. So no more resignation speeches for Brown.
    His next lecture was mere moments away when he was confronted by a ghostly image from his future… and lo’ the spectre of redundancy did speak… unfortunately no-one else was around to hear what was said but one separate account of that lecture confirms that Brown was ‘upping the tempo’ and ‘getting down with the kids’.
    One person i attendance says he gave rendition of the Elvis song “Fool” the other person said that he sang “Fool, fool, fool”. One of the students was said to have copied the others notes, but neither were really listening.
    In Brown’s eye the lecture was a success, and ever since, when the chips have been well and truly down, the spirit of Elvis must be evoked and songs must be sung.

    Like

  91. 130
    Taffy says:

    here’s one calling himself Gordonelvis.

    http://www.gordonelvis.com/

    Like

  92. 131
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    When Campbell told him: ‘A little celebrity might rub off on you!’ Brown thought they were inviting Ronnie Corbett?

    Like

  93. 132
    Bob the Builder says:

    Guido

    Does Oooooofgy Wegg-Prosser still work at no 10?

    And Wee Alexander ?

    Are they all that is left in the Bunker ?

    Kiddies playing and being played with ???

    It rather looks like it…

    Like

  94. 133
    jgm2 says:

    Elvis died of a drug-fuelled heart attack while crimping off a length.

    Perhaps it’s some kind of aspirational meme the Labour hierarchy are trying to implant in the Maximum Imbecile’s fucked-up mind.

    To try and shake Brown’s Churchill delusion out of his fucked-up head.

    Like

  95. 134
    Kate Bush says:

    They could not afford the real Elvis that’s why they had to get an impersonator. Stupid!

    Like

  96. 135
    Harriet Harperson says:

    My leadership campaign is going very well. Thank you.

    What’s a MILF?

    Like

  97. 137
    Nick2 says:

    Remember when, in 1992 John Major was lagging in the polls & had a near universal bad press? A journalist acquaintance of Major’s (can’t remember who) suggested that he took his message direct to the people & even suggested ‘some sort of soap box’ (though meant metaphorically). The rest is history.

    Labour are lagging in the polls – have a near universal bad press (exceptions: BBC & the Mirror). Maybe someone suggested Brown ‘connected’ with the electorate, by associating himself with a golden memory from their pasts. I believe that crooning politicians are quite popular in some countries.

    However, unlike Major’s last roll of the die, this one appears not to have worked so far.

    Like

    • 200
      Susie says:

      Next week for a finale it’ll be a Princess Di lookalike — dancing with Brown in her Elvis dress…

      Like

    • 301
      Rip Van Winkle says:

      He certainly couldn’t go on a real soap box in a real town square – he’d be ripped apart limb from limb.

      Like

  98. 138
    In the name of God, just go says:

    Elvis wasn’t supporting Gordon
    Brown was the supporting act for the Elcis impersonator. He is going to need a new career soon and this is the only one he is qualified for: warm-up act for a person no-one has ever heard of; impersonating some-one who is dead and who flushed millions down the loo

    Like

  99. 140
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Fourth rate impersonator – meet another fourth rate impersonator.

    Like

  100. 142
    Elvis Shitstirrer says:

    In real life I am Steve Purcell, Scottish Play boy.

    Like

  101. 145
    Wight Tory says:

    He wanted to compared to somebody who looks worse than him, sounded worse than him, less better dressed than him and is less influentially popular than he is,

    Derek Draper wasn’t available….

    Like

  102. 147
    Yorkshire Dave says:

    The theory is;

    As long as you don’t stand on Brown’s swade shoes, you can:

    “Step on his face”
    “Slander his name all over the place”
    “Burn his house”
    “Steal his car” and
    “Drink his liquor from an old fruit jar” (probably stale piss)

    I think Mandlebum will win the bet.

    Like

  103. 148
    Canterbury Voyeur says:

    Sarah wave to me.

    Like

  104. 155
    Anonymous says:

    Elvis impersonator to record “Return to Sender” in an effort to make a quick buck from the anticipated post-election postal vote scandal.

    Like

  105. 159
    Wight Tory says:

    “For Fuck sake, I asked Alistair Campbell to get me some ELVES. I wanted to talk about what my father said to me about the Elves and Shoemaker, and how they would put to right, all the shoemaker’s woes whilst he slept. How can I sell that vision to the county now………..”

    Like

  106. 163
    HARRIET HARD ON and her husband JACK who likes it up the BRUM says:

    We are going to be to politics in Britain
    what the Kennedys were to America

    Like

  107. 167
    Taffy says:

    heres racingdudes ( Cowen) post

    http://www.plentyoffish.com/member4846616.htm

    Like

  108. 168
    That's Democracy says:

    It’s all very well talking about the demise of Labour in this forthcoming election. They indeed are in dire straits. But if the Lib vote holds, and they insist that the current unfair system is replaced with a much fairer proportional representation, then the Conservative Party will be killed for good. Never again will a party whose support is derived almost completely from the south dominate British politics again. Perhaps something similar will happen to Labour. But the reason that the Tories will fight like hell to avoid proportional representation is that under such a system they simply could not win.

    Likewise, their cheerleaders in the press, you know, their old schoolmates, in fact, will also consequently print any old scaremongering crap about coalitions threatening stability and so on. Few believe these lying charlatans any more. Perhaps something that is good for the to happen? The end of Labour and Tory will mean that democracy in Britain can begin.

    Like

    • 199
      Engineer says:

      Under PR, it’s almost certain that nobody would “win”. We would be consigned to endless months of watching the politicos horse-trading and bickering amonst themselves.

      Look at the current election. The Greens, UKIP and the party-that-must-not-be-named would all get a share of the vote, and seats accordingly. The Nats would be represented more strongly than at present, and the three main parties would have about 25% each (give or take a bit) of the available seats.

      Who forms a government? Weeks or months of horse-trading. Meanwhile, the debt keeps on piling up, immigrants keep on swamping the country, the EU takes all the decisions that matter (like whether or not to call in the IMF), decisions on all manner of things like electricity supply security are on hold….

      FFS. Elect a government to get on with governing.

      Like

      • 225
        That's Democracy says:

        You’ve been brainwashed into believing this for which there is no evidence. The current system is patently undemocratic and designed to ensure that one party or another maintains power when it has no mandate whatsoever.

        There is no evidence for any of the claims you put forward. In fact, all are mere speculation. One of the most difficult things in Britain is getting people to conceive that the shit they have been told for years is simply lies. Rather than have a partisan group of idiots, many of whom were unelected, running what purports to be a democracy, PR is the only way.

        Your argument appears to be that the current system allows for speedy action. You only have to look at events in Britain over the last year to see how ridiculous a claim that is.

        The end for Labour and Tory is nigh. Good riddance.

        Like

        • 241
          Engineer says:

          Bollocks.

          Elect a government to get on with governing. (If the electorate doesn’t like what they do, they can chuck them out next time, and try another lot.) Governing is what governments are supposed to do, not spend weeks of time and our money bickering amonst themselves over who gets what job – see Belgium for details.

          Like

          • Fred says:

            Great. Under FPTP we get a choice between a party that likes lots of immigration (Labour), a party that likes even more immigration (LibDems) and a party that likes slightly less immigration (Tories). These are there stated positions and we must vote for one of the top two to avoid a hung Parliament.

            The stated position of the British public is that they want hardly any immigration, but you can’t vote for such a party and expect it to win, or indeed have any influence at all.

            PR would resolve this. Without PR we are on a path set by the political elite with only minor deviations from the route we are now on. They are all playing the same game, chasing the votes of the 5% whose mind can be changed in an election. Nobody else matters. If you made up your mind 6months ago who you were voting for, nobody actually cares what your opinion is – that is FPTP.

            Like

          • Engineer says:

            Fred – the “political elite” would love PR. They can spend weeks in meetings bickering about who gets what job in what department, and avoiding pesky decisions about things like immigration that might make them unpopular with large parts of the electorate.

            At leaat with FPTP, the swines have got to get on with the job they’re paid for, because there’s no doubt about who’s responsibility it is. If their bosses (us) think they’ve underperformed, they don’t get elected in again next time.

            Like

        • 337
          Reality says:

          PR was used in the Euro 2009 election,if the same result happened in the general election using PR UKIP and the Tories would form a coalition and then leave Europe. The Limp dims wouldn’t get a word in

          Like

      • 244
        Fred says:

        On that basis, you would have liked the Nazis. They believed in strong government, decisive action without endless discussion getting in the way. In fact they banned it.

        Like

        • 254
          Engineer says:

          I understand that the Nazis rose to prominence under a PR-type electoral system.

          Do you see a Nazi party rising to power in Britain, under PR or FPTP?

          Like

    • 211
      Lord Mandelson says:

      Gordon wants his drugs back

      Like

  109. 169
    sagenz says:

    Alistair (or similar generation bsd) said he could get” Elvis” (Costello) as celebrity for the event. Brown thought “Elvis” (Presley) was a great singer and said Yes. Twenty something flunkey instructed to contact Elvis and make sure he could get there and was prepared to say something. Twenty something flunkey has never heard of Elvis (Costello) and thinks Campbell means an Elvis impersonator as Elvis is very clearly dead.

    Par for their campaign really.

    Like

    • 404
      Infanta of Castile says:

      Mandy said “we need Cash for the campaign” so Wegg-Prosser phoned rent-a celeb who said you’ll have to make do with Elvis

      or

      They tried to book Shergar. The Lazarus Agency mixed up their clients and sent Elvis by mistake.

      Like

  110. 175
    Elmo says:

    Labour have been busy scrubbing the web but they missed this.Still saying he is candidate for cambs

    http://www.plentyoffish.com/member4846616.htm

    Like

  111. 177
  112. 178
    Susan_Pot_Boiler says:

    Is that a fat lady I can hear singing?

    Like

  113. 179
    Trevor Cleaver says:

    Why is there a bloody Green party representative for the climate debate on BBC2?

    Was there a B&P one for the immigration debate?

    Like

  114. 181
    Jed says:

    In Asda this morning, Gordon Brown was cheered by a bunch of white chavs at the cheap ciggie counter, shook hands with an Asian and his niqab wearing wife, and was thanked by a bunch of very fat African women and their many obese offspring.

    Labour’s core vote in a nutshell.

    Like

  115. 182
    bergen says:

    Elvis apparently wanted a personalised badge showing him to be a member of the Drugs Enforcement Agency and,at their meeting,Nixon arranged it.By this time,Elvis was off his tree with drugs and Nixon was wandering around the White House at Night talking to portraits of his predecessors,especially Lincoln.

    I can only assume that Brown is now totally bonkers and on industrial quantities of antidepressants.

    Like

    • 188
      TJ says:

      Brown is on the major tranquilser, largactil, along with beta blockers to control his nervous tics including that weird jaw thing.

      Like

      • 212
        jgm2 says:

        Can they find a drug that will stop him pissing away half a billion quid a day and proclaiming it’s ‘prudent’.

        Like

      • 215
        Axe The Telly Tax says:

        His jaw movements have been mirroring Elvis’ pelvic gyrations.

        Like

    • 245
      nell says:

      I wonder if gordon wanders around the empty no.10 during the night talking to portraits of his predecessors? Well probably Churchill because he seems to believe he’s Churchill reincarnated!!

      Like

      • 392
        bergen says:

        Perhaps,in the early hours he rises from a drug-induced sleep to be tormented by the portrait of Lord North congratulating him of relieving him of the title of Worst Ever Prime Minister after 230 odd years.

        Or merely the photo of Clem Attlee muttering”not up to it.”

        Like

  116. 186
    Gordon Brown says:

    I will accept the peoples verdict whatever that may be.

    Peoples verdict : fuck off back to jockland you useless incompetent corrupt deranged lying twat.

    Like

  117. 187
  118. 191
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    There is no explanation, its all just f’in crackers.
    Now we all know he’s not very good with shaking hands etiquette, but this is beyond anything you can imagine:

    Like

    • 242
      The Dirty Rat says:

      He’s not trying to shake hands, but making a grab for his lunchbox.

      Like

      • 250
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        Even that doesn’t seem to fit. I can only assume he wants to shake hands with the elvis impersonator’s cock.

        Like

  119. 192
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Don’t be so silly. Gordon clearly looks like and has the charisma of Brezhnev.

    Like

  120. 196
    ZZZ says:

    David Miliband has now admitted he was at the notorious “Papal Visit Team” meeting at the foreign office but claims he left before the offensive brainstorming session began.

    Yeah, I bet!

    Like

    • 198
      gotcha says:

      BANG TO RIGHTS!!!!!

      Like

    • 237
      Did the Pope not read the bible? says:

      Bollocks to the Pope.
      Twice he has been apologised to now by our hierachy.
      Once by beardy fuckwit for telling the truth and now by the FO for having a joke.
      This ex Nazi has barely said fuck all for what his evil empire has done to thousands of kids.
      I don’t want this stinking excuser of Pedos coming to the UK anyway.

      Like

  121. 197

    It’s very simple. Mandy is throwing the election!

    Under a obscure clause of the Labour constitution the Cabinet will replace Brown with an interim leader. This can be either Mandy (as 1st Secretary) or Harman (as Deputy). As everyone loathes the latter, the former will become the interim PM.

    He may manage to do a deal with the Lib Dems, but probably not. However, he’ll have achieved his goal of becoming PM, boosting both his pension and his pay for after-dinner speaking. If nothing else it’ll make a wonderful story for him and his ‘chums’ – “Oh, didn’t you hear? I was PM for three weeks back in 2010!”.

    Angry Walrus

    Like

    • 253
      Hang The Bastards says:

      Lets hope he tries……

      The riots on the streets will ensure the fucker gets publically hung when we storm Downing Street and drag the twice disgraced twat out from behind the desk.

      Like

  122. 201
    Trevor Cleaver says:

    Has a bird done a shit on Millibands head? Whats that white spot all about?

    Like

  123. 203
    Worzel Gummage says:

    Option 1: It was a brainstorming session that ran out of time. According to the manuals, when you brainstorm all ideas should be written down and only analysed afterwards and if the brainstorm is flagging a “seeding word” should be called out by the facilitator to get progress going again, some monkey called out Elvis and the brain storm went off on a word association / anagram tangent.

    Something like this:

    Our LIVES have been saved by Gordon’s Saving the World

    Gordon’s chances of electoral victory LIVES on.

    LEVIS are a popular type of jeans, and Gordon is a popular PM.

    Beware of the EVILS the Tory’s will invlict upon the nation.

    All of these are an anagram of ELVIS.

    The stress and desperation of the Labour Campaign meant that they thought if they could get Elvis into the news the public would make the same association that they did and all vote Labour.

    OPTION 2: There was a cock up at the Celebrity Doubles agency they used. They said they wanted a Jeremy Clarson look a like but the person on the other end of the phone wrote “fat bloke with curly hair and bad dress sense”

    Easy mistake to make.

    Like

  124. 207
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    As the Steve Purcell story hits the front pages, an Elvis impersonator sings ‘jailhouse jock’

    Like

  125. 208
    elvis tat says:

    tat elvis

    Like

  126. 213
    Postal voter says:

    Thank fuck that’s done! I’ve just finished filling in ten sacks of postal votes for Labour. I’m absolutely knackered.

    Like

    • 352
      UKIP Until We're Free says:

      What’s all this part-timing ? Around here (Bradford, before you ask) everyone has to finish 100 bags of votes per day – just imagine trying to do that when you can’t even read the language the forms use – that’s what you call knackered.

      Like

  127. 216
    Thirsk and Malton. says:

    When Elvis opened his mouth out came number ones and twos.
    Gordon —-//—–

    Elvis tried hard to stop some young lads replacing him as the ‘King’.
    Gordon —-//—–

    Elvis was surrounded by parasitic friends on the take.
    Gordon —-//—–

    Elvis had to rely on someone else to write what came out of his mouth.
    Gordon —-//—–

    Elvis made lots of money off the public and spent said money on useless follies.
    Gordon —-//—–

    Elvis in his forties was obese, sweaty, incontinent and his popularity faded in the memory of all but die hard fans.
    Gordon —-//—–

    Like

  128. 220
    Catflap says:

    My theory,
    Desperation in the Labour camp.
    All I know is that I don’t want to see any more cunning stunts like that again.
    Oh, and the Elvis bloke was shit as well.

    Like

  129. 227
    Geordie Scoot says:

    On 3 March 1960 Elvis disembarked from his plane at Prestwick Airport in a brief stopover on his way to do his national service in the US Army in West Germany. It was to prove his only visit to the UK. Elvis mixed with the throng in the terminal and held a brief press conference in the NCO’s mess. Amongst the crowds caught up in the events, a young Gordo McBroon could scarcely believe the scene presented before him – the crowds, the adulation, the young louche man at the centre of it. The Reverand McBroon remonstrated with his son “See yon the works of Satan. He seeks to trap wer wi his wee gaudy promises, but it all leads to ruin, I tell ye”. But Gordo was smitten – fame, adulation, power over people’s lives – how could he, a moral middle class boy from Kirkaldy ever aspire to that? The years passed and young Gordo grew up to discover he had absolutely no talent, but the yearning for adulation and power did not desert him. He soon found the perfect outlet for his craving – the Labour Party. Where else could someone with no ability rise to the very top? But, oh the frustration, for just at the moment of fulfilment, he was usurped by someone with charisma. He bided his time and plotted and chose his moment to ascend to the highest office in the land. But wo! adulation there was none, infamy but no fame, and all around him plotted to deprive him of power. His last chance of happiness came – I will throw myself at the mercy of the people and they at last will recognise me for my true self! Alas, recognition did not bring popularity but repugnance. Gordo needed to refresh his inspiration, but his boyhood hero was no more. Wee Dougie, his faithful poodle recognised the need to motivate his leader just as his will began to crumble. He hired the Elvis act and sprang it on Gordo and the assembled Party faithfull. But oh, what disappointment, for here was no young fresh faced superstar, but a middle aged bloke in a wig and spangled jumpsuit, surrounded not by loving fans but incontinent old grannies and the semi-demented. The words of his father rang loud in his ears; Gordo made his excuses and left the building.

    Now I must get back to work

    Like

  130. 228
    Fred says:

    You’ve got a man that picks up south american beach bum boys for a hobby running Labour’s campaign whilst Labour’s home secretary is doing everything she can to ban heterosexuals from doing what comes naturally whether they are guilty or not.

    Who says any of this needs to make sense? It hasn’t so far.

    Like

  131. 230
    Fred says:

    It’s all a cunning plan from the Guardian to collapse the Labour vote leaving only one party on the left in a realistic chance of winning.

    Like

  132. 232
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Elvis made a great comeback in 1968, Gordon’s going to make a great comeback in 2010………..

    Like

  133. 233

    It was all just a bad mobile phone line to Spin Alley. Mandelson was conversing with Alistair Campbell, who couldn’t hear the instructions too well.

    Hello Alistair? Its Peter. look…I want you to arrange for a Man in a white coat to come and see Gordon. “He’s gone a bit Tutti Frutti. The ‘Poor boy’ has his ‘Hound Dog’ expression and looks ‘All Shook Up. ‘ It might be an idea to hear a ‘Llittle less conversation’ from him and maybe it would be beneficial if he had a rest. I think its better if we do this campaign ‘My Way’. Pick him up from the ‘Welcome Break Hotel’.
    I’ll leave the exact details up to you. Ciao!”

    Like

  134. 234
    Thom says:

    Having reduced Britain to an ashen wasteland in New Labours fourth term, Cameron and his lackies beings sufficiently uninspiring to secure a majority, a portly, greyer and more miserable looking Thom Yorke dons an ill-fitting black suit and, with the help of the Lib-Con Alliance and the few remaining scientists not killed by the Sociologist uprising of 2017 is propelled back in time to April 2010, usurps Brown’s place as his doppelgänger and tries valiantly to make Brown look like a bigger arse than is he is, preferring to risk the space-time continuum over the future left by Brown, after he was killed to the rapturous applause of a hundred thousand chavs in the now famous WKD-blue riots of 2013 in Parliament Square.

    Meanwhile Gordon Brown is killed by a sex Dwarf in Nick Clegg’s basement.

    Like

  135. 240

    Another theory:

    Labour are skint…… the Elvis Impersonator comes cheaper if he gets a block booking for a number of dates. Expect to also see this Elvis at:

    1. The election night commiseration party (sad songs only)

    2. Farewell to Gordon party

    3. A thank you party for the Daily Mirror and BBC

    Like

    • 290
      Sir Everard Digby says:

      and running the Labour Party in May. ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ could be their anthem as they fuck off into the sunset.

      Like

  136. 243
    Vote LibLabCon get Hitler 2 says:

    Remember when Germany tried to take over Europe. Dictating terms to Poland and England that led to war. Then after it Germany got rebuilt by the rest of Europe and the USA. Now Germany are dictating terms again to Greece. Am I missing something here?When did the vanquished become the victors!

    Like

    • 273
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      They didn’t win anything apart from the tab.

      Like

      • 359
        UKIP Until We're Free says:

        They simply changed tactics and started the EUSSR, sucked all the blind, lily-livered states into it and achieved their long-term objective of European dominance without a shot being fired or any cash spent on Zyclon B.

        But some of us spotted it decades ago and aim to leave the Fifth Reich – join us and be free again.

        Like

    • 274
      The Admiral says:

      1946…

      Like

    • 286
      Catflap says:

      The fooking Germans is why we should spend even more on Trident.
      A top of the line nuclear sub fleet first and formost.
      The army generals must be bonkers to think that Britain could ever have enough heavy armour or manpower as an alternative.
      This would be my defence review.
      2 aircraft carriers plus more destroyers.
      6 Boomer subs.
      2 divisions of well equipped marines.
      Several RAF Typhoon fighter squadrons for home defence only.

      Like

  137. 246
    Matgaret Buckett says:

    I should think there’s a good chance that while we were all laughing our socks off at the Hoon Dog, someone, somewhere in the Labour set-up, was assiduously burying REALLY bad news.

    Like

  138. 247
    Brown's caught in a trap, there's no way out says:

    Elvis was addicted to prescription drugs like Gordon. Elvis died alone sitting on the toilet straining to have a shit. Gordon will die the same way after going on an orgy of fizzy-drink, kit-kat and banana overeating after losing the election.

    Like

  139. 249
    Hang The Bastards says:

    THE REASONS LABOUR ARE FUCKED !

    (1) Gordon Brown

    (2) Mandlebum – making the mistake & believing in the self hype of a twice disgraced muppet

    (3) The other spineless chites that havent got a fucking clue & want to get rich themselves & waste our hard earned cash !

    SIMPLE REALLY !

    Like

  140. 262
    Anonymous says:

    Just got my ballot papers in the post for local and general election.

    I’ve been waiting 13 years for this day…………….

    bye bye Gordon and Liebour, the totally corrupt mafia.

    Like

  141. 268
    jgm2 says:

    It’s to pander to Brown’s lunacy.

    He proclaims he personally saved the world’s financial system. He claims he’s going to personally cure cancer by simply throwing so much money at it that the disease just throws in the towel like the Russians did.

    Now he’s gone the next step and started proclaiming he can raise the dead. And look everybody, here’s the proof. I’ve resurrected Elvis: Vote Labour.

    It will probably be used as an excuse to explain the huge amount of dead people voting Labour by post. Gordon Brown resurrected them all – just like he raised Elvis so naturally they voted Labour out of gratitude.

    Like

  142. 269
    filipinomonkey says:

    Gordon was keen to eclipse Neil Kinnock’s Sheffield rally success…

    Like

  143. 270
    James 42 says:

    The reason for the Elvis support act???

    Gordon Brown is clutching at straws.

    Simples*

    Like

  144. 278
    Kuntwatch says:

    I think it’s time CCHQ took the BBC to court over the way it’s not running the Conservative press conference,they just pulled away from the film to get that Hunt Koonsbergs opinion.That Hunts opinion is not the news,if I see her she’s getting nutted.

    Like

    • 368
      sinosimon says:

      actually i much prefer the charming laura to any of the self serving nonsense coming from the politicos……in fact they could keep her on like the test card as far as i’m concerned, and i imagine i am not alone…….one of the (very ) few people connected to politics with a scottish accent that doesn’t make me(to continue the gracelands theme-athon) want to take a twelve-bore to the tv….

      Like

  145. 280
    Gordon Brown says:

    “I wanna say….you bin a really wunnerful audience. Uh-uh. Thank you all. Thank you and g’night.”

    Good night, Gordon, good night, sweet Gordon, good night, good night.

    Like

  146. 283
    Hound Dog says:

    What actually happened is that Sarah has accepted the inevitable. She realised that after May 6th, in Gordon’s best interests, a “special” retirement home might be suitable.
    During an exploratory visit Gordon started banging on about how he had saved the world. At that point a nurse took him gently by the arm saying “Of course you did, dear. Oh look, there’s Elvis Presley. Why don’t you tell him all about the time you saved the world all by yourself”

    Like

    • 288
      jgm2 says:

      Excellent theory.

      They’re just easing him into the environment of a secure mental institution by gradually introducing him to a number of standard nut-house personalities.

      Perhaps the next person to be seen on the stage with Brown will be a Napolean impersonator. Followed, next week, by a bloke in a loincloth who’s convinced he’s Jesus Christ.

      Brown is, after all, convinced he’s the reincarnation of Churchill.

      Like

  147. 285
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    I did wonder if it was the only way to make Gordon look good but it clearly wasn’t. Perhaps Brown’s support act should have been a dustbin full of dogshit. Even then, he ran the risk of being upstaged.

    Like

  148. 291
    Sir Reginald Titbrain. says:

    Maybe there is such a thing as bad publicity after all. Elvis’ reputation will never recover.

    Like

  149. 294
    Trinny says:

    After the election, Brown will be working in the same chip-shop as Elvis.

    Like

  150. 299

    Une theory:

    The aliens have ended the exchange visit. Elvis has now been returned (slightly damaged) and they have come to collect Gordon.

    Like

  151. 314
    Rightofattila says:

    My threory is that Brown actualy thought that was Realy Elvis, and Brown actualy thinks he is making the decisions for the country, as opposed to Mandelson !

    Like

    • 341
      Anonymous says:

      My theory is that Brown actually believes all those people he sees waving placards with “Vote Labour” on are real joe public admirers of him and not bussed in activists.

      Like

  152. 326
    Running on Empty says:

    My theory is the scoops ran out long, long ago and this is laughable.

    Like

  153. 327
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    Brown thought Elvis was a visiting head of state.He promised billions in aid to the moon (home of president Elvis) and praised the lovely atmosphere there.

    He hopes to spend his summer holidays there. Sir E will be happy to provide the mountain of explosives required, plus a chair for the trip. Spare Trident missile anyone?

    Like

  154. 328
    Anonymous says:

    Elvis was the only entertainer Labour could afford to get the people to attend the event…..you get what you pay for, and now the guy’s career will be over, the Jonah curse!

    Like

  155. 329
    Anonymous says:

    Like

    • 364
      Campbell says:

      Is that Christopher Eccleston? Tory Scum, using Doctor Who in a crap viral was my idea get me McCoy we’ll show them who has the best Doctor!

      Like

      • 403
        Bob Lord was snide and shafted Accrington Stanley. says:

        Ally come and join us,were having a party now your dingle b@stard football team has gone down.
        Brian Laws is a football genius.

        Like

  156. 331
    albacore says:

    The “Elvis” was actually a Series 800 Terminator sent back in time to to prevent Brown’s untimely demise in an encounter with a rabid chipmunk.
    Gordon was, indeed, saved. He survived to persuade his erstwhile disciple, Code Name “Omaha”, to divulge the launch-codes of the toy rockets which Gordon had been given to play with (to keep him from mithering the grown-ups).
    Naturally, Gordon, in the solitude of his cupboard on Judgement Day, 6 May 2010, then pressed the big red button labelled “DO NOT PRESS THIS, FOR ****’S SAKE!”.
    He thus achieved his life-long ambition of separating his beloved Scotland from the remaining English mainland (formerly known as the Isle of Wight), avenging Longshanks’ atrocities and annihilating the decadent sassenachs.

    Like

  157. 333
    Anonymous says:

    Poor telephone line to the booking agent. They were trying to get a Beavis to join Butthead on stage but ended up with Elvis.

    Like

  158. 334
    LDS says:

    For three months Campbell has been negotiating with one of the greatest figures in pop music to get a public endorsement for labour and have him do a duet with the great leader. Gordo has been practising the harmonica so much his mouth has gone funny. A week ago the volcanic ash prevented him from crossing the Atlantic so they set a link by big screen. Half an hour before the off Campbell speaks to him “Everything OK Bob?” ” Yes fine but I am a bit disappointed not to be meeting Tony Blair in person”……

    Like

  159. 336
    Ding Fucking Dong says:

    Just on BBC news
    I am voting libdem because I’m sick if all the immigrants.

    Like

  160. 340
    Ding Fucking Dong says:

    Militwats apology to the pope.

    Like

  161. 341
    School for Scoundrels says:

    As the Lord lies
    On a cold and gray Caledonian mornin’
    A poor little baby child is born
    In the Glasgow
    And his mama cries
    ’cause if there’s one thing that she don’t need
    it’s an ugly little Gordon Brown to feed
    In the Glasgow

    People, don’t you understand
    that Gordon needs a helping hand
    or he’ll grow to be an angry old man some day
    Take a look at you and me,
    that he’s too blind to see,
    do we simply turn our heads
    and vote the other way

    Well the world turns
    and a hungry little boy with a runny nose
    plays in the street as the cold wind blows
    In the ghetto

    And his hunger burns
    so he starts to roam the streets at night
    and he learns how to spin
    and he learns abou spite
    In the Glasgow

    Then one night in desperation
    a young man breaks away
    He buys a suit, steals a seat,
    tries to run, but he keeps getting beat
    And his mama cries

    As a crowd gathers ’round an angry old man
    Dragged out of Downing St. with a needle in his arm
    Back to Glasgow

    As the old man dies,
    on a cold and gray Caledonian mornin’,
    another little Milliband is born
    In the ghetto …

    Like

  162. 343
    Gobshite says:

    Even Billy Bragg didn’t want to be in groping distance of the Prime Mentalist.

    Like

    • 388
      Billy Bragg says:

      Racist Fascist Racist Fascist Racist Fascist Racist Fascist Racist Fascist Racist Fascist Racist Fascist

      Vote Labour! I mean Lib-Dem! Vote LibDem or you’re a racist fascist racist fascist racist fascist

      Like

  163. 349
    Hitler in front row seat in hells look whats happening up top cinema says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha.das ist eine und fucking great

    Like

  164. 365
    Ian E says:

    As most of you will know, Gordon is really an alien inside a skin suit (which of course explains a great deal including the strange snot-eating habit, the weird mandibular motions and the rather unpleasant odour that follows him/it about, not to mention the strange fascination with rocking horses). Aliens of course have a very strange sense of humour and it may be presumed that they might deem it funny to jokingly remind us of their most famous abductee. Accordingly, my theory is that Gordon of Centauri has been having a big laugh (sounding strangely like a stomach rumble) at our expense (which is of course not exactly a new phenomenon!).

    Like

  165. 366
    Mad Al Campbell says:

    He aint nothing but a Hoon dog.

    Like

  166. 370
    Chris says:

    He was meant to be Brown’s feed man. Script taken from Mandy’s Manbag.

    THE KING: Weeeellll, you aint’ ever caughtta rabbit…

    THE PM: That is only down to the fact that we introduced a ban on hunting with dogs, opposed by the conservatives…

    THE KING: A-Butta early next-a-morning, he brought my letter back!

    THE PM: …which is what would happen to everyone under a fully privatised post office under the conservatives…

    THE KING: I’m itchin like a man onna fuzzy tree!

    THE PM: ….waiting times for fuzzy tree dermatitis has been cut to 4 weeks under New Labour. The conservatives make no such pledge in their…..

    THE KING: Lyin’ all the time!

    THE PM: I did not authorise those leaflets.

    Like

  167. 371
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Struggling (and it’s not easy) to set aside my loathing of the Great Incompetent, I’ve been thinking about what it must be like to be G Brown these days. The sight of him on TV started me off – he looks really ill.

    What he’s been through since becoming PM:-

    – bottling an election, which would have won him another five years (probably), and daily rueing the fact;
    – constant undermining from colleagues;
    – support from only the greasiest brown-nosers;
    – financial ruin of the party likely, as he knows he has to side with BA against Unite;
    – steady decline in his personal ratings;
    – indifference of the public to his greatest ‘achievement’ (saving the world economy (sic));
    – the sight of Bliar making money hand over fist and welcome everywhere;
    – recognising that his past rule and current performance are certain to lose the election;
    – haunted by the fact that everything he tries fails, both long-term (the economy) and short-term (debates);
    – following in Callaghan’s steps as a failed, unelected Labour Premier;
    – gradually being sussed by the public as someone who conned them.

    I’m sure there’s more, but just that list would damage most people terribly. If you’d started out as PM believing that your day had at last come, it would be devastating.

    I don’t think we need look for pharmaceutical explanations, though they may play a part. I believe the man is close to being utterly broken and quite possibly seriously considering suicide.

    It is not to my credit that this invokes in me no sense of compassion. The damage he has done goes too deep for that. I just want him out ASAP, with the rest of his vile gang.

    Like

  168. 372
    Jack says:

    well, elvis went out leaving a shitty mess so perhaps gb was subconsciously copying him.

    Like

  169. 377
    My other car's a Merkava says:

    This is complicated, so go and make a cup of coffee.

    Gordon, or rather Mandy, is trying to get everyone to wonder what is the conspiracy theory behind the Elvis appearance. He will futher roll out the strategy in the coming days when Gordon appears on stage with Andy Kaufman, Lee Harvey Oswald, and the Duke of Edinburgh, who will explain how he personally ordered the assassination of Princess Diana.

    All of this is a distraction from the real conspiracy: Labour *wants* to lose the election. The economy is so completely fucked up that, naturally, neither of the grown-up parties wants to go near it. (Why do you think Dave agreed to the debates and then proceeded to make a complete arse of it?) The poor, retarded simpletons of the LibDems were only too pleased to be the unwitting fall guys.

    Like

  170. 378
    Sherlock Eammon Holmes says:

    Scaring cancer patients was a new low even by Labour’s standards. Cue one Elvis impersonator, Mr Campbell’s’ own master-stroke.

    The abhorrent practice of scaring cancer sufferers was driven off the front pages. We temporarily forgot about it, such was the trauma or incredulity incurred. I would argue that nothing causes trauma, or indeed clinical amnesia, like an Elvis impersonator does.

    Nothing.

    Therefore, I put it to you, my dear stalkers, that Mr Campbell ‘got the job done’ very nicely indeed. We are no longer speaking of such wicked behaviour towards some of the most vulnerable in our society by their Government.

    Are we.

    Like

  171. 380

    Gordon Brown actually believes that HE is Elvis. Thus he believes that he will continued to be revered long after his death [on May 6th]

    It’s the Wonder of YouGov.

    Like

  172. 390
    Daren Matthews says:

    Theory:

    Mandleson and Blair’s in-joke between themselves:
    “Return to sender, address unknown, no such number”.. etc.

    Like

  173. 391
    Bazza says:

    Kitsch and sentimental – but despite Elvis’ many flaws, he is loved.

    SpinWorks are hoping we make the positive association – you may be seeing the end of Gordon – awwww – and here he is at the wake, room full of love, Elvis singing The Wonder of Yoooo… it’s a plea for sympathy.

    Sure to work.

    Still prefer Guido’s theory no.2 tho’.

    Like

  174. 393
    Out there with the fairies says:

    How about this as a theory

    After waging a bet with Weg-Prosser, the queen of darkness Mandlesbum calls Princess Tony about showing Gordy his support for him in the best way he can.
    With his orange glow tan to complement his outfit, que Princess Tony disguised as Elvis stealing the show again from grumpy Gordy.
    Princess Tony phones Mandlesbum and says ‘Job done, I want my 50% cut now’

    Like

    • 396
      Labour the lie, deny then smear party says:

      What he actually said was

      Doont you know ‘ellthis’ starred in America? noow now get me prezzie – he is good for a few hits!

      Like

  175. 395
    BobBobBob3 says:

    One had Charisma and Pizazz,the other,Piles and Small Gonads?

    Like

  176. 398
    Anonymous says:

    Hopefully, after the election, the gorgon will be going to live on the moon, in a red double decker bus, with Elvis, Lord Lucan and Shergar for company.

    Like

  177. 400
    chartist says:

    The event is actually a wedding – Brown was at a loose end but the press turned up so he gatecrashed it and told them it was a campaign event. Everyone there just assumed he was a drunk uncle and humored him…

    Like

  178. 402
    YesTheyReallyAreThatStupid says:

    I can’t think of any reason better than that they are just a bunch of fucking clueless idiots…

    Like

  179. 405
    Christy says:

    Elvis feckin Presley,still won’t sink in with me,what the hell was that all about are NULAB really a bunch of nutters to screen that garbage who organised that load of guaranteed vote losers.
    Strikes me that even Gordoom has realised that he is drinking in the last chance saloon compliments of Mandelgermanslime,and that is why he is now saying he wants to meet real people.
    Forget it Gordoom the electorate have got your measure long ago,you are toast at the next election and you know it.
    Clegg and his aspirations are also toast in that the the electorate also know a political opportunist when they see one,the Lib Dims have been a political fleabite on British politics for many decades and now based on a couple of rigged tv debates Saint Nicholas is being promoted as the power broker of British politics,you are having a laugh.
    Liebour as they stand are out.
    Will Cleggyweggy support Liebour probably.
    Will Cameron join with the Lib Dims probably not.
    Result an absolute arsehole of a cobbled together coalition deciding nothing,result a further election resulting in a tory landslide,and then some realistic policies.

    Like

  180. 410
    Tapestry says:

    Desperation.

    Like

  181. 411
    50 Calibre says:

    McTwat did this all on his own. He’s raving mad…

    Like

  182. 412
    Billy Blofeld says:

    There is a clue to what happened on the BBC website today:

    Elvis had to do the gig, because pre-school character Peppa Pig pulled out.

    No doubt the truth will be stranger than any fiction we can dream up…….

    Like


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