April 23rd, 2010

Last Night’s Debate in 60 Seconds


  1. 1

    Fuck it, I’m going for a pint

    • 27

      Admiral Gordon Horatio Brownblower and the Tale of the Bath Squabbles

      Gordon Brownblower had arrived fresh from his success at the Battle of Madrid to the Port of Bristol to face his ancient enemies Marshal de Clegg and the Duc Cameron.

      The battle raged for 90 minutes with both sides sparing no cliche or condascension. Innocent civilians were caught in the artillery blasts of idiocy and banality. Many, sadly, fell asleep and some even succumbed to attacks of nausea.

      A spectacular victory for the righteous forces of NuLab were finally achieved as Admiral Brownblower sent his message of triumph to the leaders of the defeated forces “I watch boys in the bath, stop squabbling”.

      It was over at last, our sacred land of Noolabeur was safe from another attempted invasion by the evil forces of Yellow Socialism and Rinsed-Blue Socialism. Lonng may our Red Socialism, which is slightly different to theirs, prevail.

      (Apologies to C.S.Forester and Happy St George’s day)

      • 78
        Anonymous says:

        Daedalus X. Parrot.

        Love it!

        It was only missing a fabled quote from Admiral Gordon Horatio Brownblower, of the fairness for all being the right thing to do.

        • 97
          Holyrood Watering Hole says:

          Some interesting Scottish Politicians have been seen in huddles then heading south. Tory figures who helped in the drafting of the P.R. system and various Lib Labs instrumental in the previous coalitions.
          What can it all mean ?

        • 104
          Sarah the Carer says:

          Mine own true luv (sic)
          I know you’re busy, but can you remind me where I was working, when you told Radio 1 that you couldn’t do without the most expensive cleaner in history.
          I’m sure the Revenue will want more details.
          Peter sends his love with kisses on the bottom.

          • Blue Lady says:

            Is that the cleaner for the first or the second taxpayer funded house or the other one in Scotland. Oh I forgot, that one is tax payer funded too.

          • Wisteria Dave says:

            David Cameron took out maximum taxpayer-funded mortgage – then paid off own £75k loan four months later

            David Cameron was dragged personally into the expenses row after it was revealed that he paid off a loan on his London home shortly after taking out a £350,000 taxpayer-funded mortgage on his constituency house.
            The disclosure followed a powerful call by the Tory leader yesterday for the ‘full force of the law’ to be deployed against MPs who have abused allowances.
            Following a Mail on Sunday investigation Mr Cameron could now face searching questions about his own expense claims.


            Dave claimed for expenses on a second home – the mortgage interest, when he only had one mortgage. He was also one of the largest claimers of this expense in the commons for many years.

      • 126
        Mr Slater's Parrot says:


  2. 2
    • 8
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      In acknowledgement to the Catholic thinkers of England, I would quote Thomas More:

      While once men ate sheep, now sheep eat men

      Not much progress in five hundred years then.

  3. 3
    Nigel Farage says:

    I’m going for a half-pint.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    It is such a pity that the Westminster parties were too scared to let the SNP and Plaid Cymru take them apart in the debate. And that the BBC were complicit in this affront to democracy

    As everyone in Scotland is saying this is the first “UK wide” “England only parliamentary election”.

    Not long now.

    • 7
      English John says:

      The Scots have their own parish council.

    • 11
      Anonymous says:

      I am the Plaid Cymru candidate fir Glasgow and I’m really pissed off about it

      • 35
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Mae bys Meri-Ann wedi brifo,
        A Dafydd y gwas ddim yn iach.
        Mae’r baban yn y crud yn crio,
        A’r gath wedi sgrapo Joni bach.
        Sosban fach yn berwi ar y tân,
        Sosban fawr yn berwi ar y llawr,
        A’r gath wedi sgrapo Joni bach.

    • 77
      Infanta of Castile says:

      Don’t worry you have the SNP, a party that is promising jam today, jam tomorrow and jam forever, all to be paid for by those dreadful people in England. Dreadful people who have oppressed the un-represented scots through their ghastly politicians: Gordon Brown, John Reid. Alistair Darling,ex-speaker Martin, Douglas Alexander etc. etc.

      • 129
        infant says:

        the grasping Labourites have nothing to do with the SNP who are their mortal enemies. the clue is in the name dumb dumb.

    • 172
      Tony says:

      Huh? I thought two of them were scottish

  5. 5
    English John says:

    After listening/watching it’ll take a lot more than a pint. Off to celebrate St George…

  6. 6
    gone fuckin mental says:

    I is going on the piss again , cant stand watching the demented one

  7. 9
    How do you solve a problem like gordon? says:

    what happens if gordon refuses to leave no 10? would we be under a dictater rule? and who would save us?

    • 18
      Purse Rat says:

      I think that would be Dictator Rule, or even Dick Tater rule (or to give him his proper name, Richard Potato)…

    • 33
      25 pounder + 10 Grand Slam for that really deep penetration says:

      I could help.

    • 48
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      Civil Contingencies Act 2004, according to Mr Ned. He may be right.

      • 99
        Anonymous says:

        I just had a vision that Clegg would never join a Conservative coalition, due to PR, and when labour end up with more seats than the liberals, they will never allow Clegg to dictate who the PM is. So without agreement, Brown will claim that this utter failure of the other two parties to help form a government, that in order to protect the economy, prevent a catastrophic run on the pound, he would declare a state of emergency and under the Auspices of national security invoke the Civil Contingencies Act 2004 and declare that as Prime Minister he is creating an emergency labour government to protect us all from the dangers of the other two parties.

        • 160
          Grumpy Old Man says:

          Is that when we march on Downng St with a long length of piano wire?

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            The Cabinet Office appears to anticipated this possibility. If you examine the lamp posts in Downing Street, and in Whitehall, their design does not allow you to string someone up from them. Very thorough of the security services!

            However, there is always something that they manage to overlook. Right by the junction of the two roads is a CCTV mast from which suspension would be possible as long as you allow for about double the normal length of piano wire.

            If MI5 reads Guido’s blog, expect this mast to be removed tomorrow…..

            Dry Martini, please. Shaken, not stirred!

  8. 10
    Jonah McDoom says:

    David, you are a risk to our economy. Nick, you are a risk to our security. Gordon, I am a risk to everyone and everything.

  9. 13
    Wise words from the past says:

    “The problem with socialism is they always run out of other peoples money”

    • 20
      Purse Rat says:

      Was that one of Maggie’s quotes?…

    • 109
      Anonymous says:

      I’m with wise words. Time and time again Labour make the same mistake.

      • 147

        No, the electorate does. Every generation falls for the same bollox and their children get the debt.

        Old people started it when that nice Mr Wilson told them they could piss it all up the wall and get a free house and 20 woodbines and not go to work anymore. It bankrupted us.

        Bazza and Donna fell for the same trick in 1997. And it’s bankrupted us.

        No doubt as yet unborn Falafels and ThunderCleggs will fall for it again in 30 years time.

  10. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Clegg is a near perfect example of a kitsch politician. Trouble is the morons in this unhappy land have an insatiable appetite for kitsch and an aversion to facing up to reality.

    • 25
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      Kitsch and chips

    • 43
      Greychatter says:

      Someone who faced reality by doing in the High Street what David Cameron wants to do with the British economy.


      The only way up for Britain is through a Tory majority. Some of us who have gone through it all before with a Labour Government trashing Britain. History repeats itself with Labour.

      Without creating Proper jobs there will be no money to pay back the deficit.

      • 108
        Liblabcon enemies of Britain says:

        You don’t get it granddad. The party system is fucked. The Tories aint going to be the saviours of anything, as they’re very much part of the problem.

        Politics as you have known it has reached an en passé, and more and more people are realising what a total sham it all is. Bogus parties offering bogus choices to an increasingly disenfranchised electorate. No thanks.

        But come election day, you’ll be happy to be corralled into the voting pens to mindlessly vote for your faction, in the naive belief that somehow it’ll all be different this time round.

  11. 19
    Anonymous says:

    “A woman, and you are one of them”

    Best line ever

    • 41
      Can't remember my moniker says:

      The big question surely must be: How does he know?

      • 178
        Evan Mor Anonymous says:

        Why would he think that she doesn’t know?

        • 185
          Can't remember my moniker says:

          You may remember Victor Borge and his phonetic pronunciation. Is it possible that if Borge had voiced what was in Brown’s mind (assuming that the latter has one), the former would have put an “ee aw pwt!” at the end to signify a question mark? Thus: ?

  12. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Why the Fuck did Cameron stand there and allow Brown to brag that it is the Conservatives who are the risk to the Economy ???? Remind me again who has given us our biggest deficit ever ?

    Now the media meme is that the Economy is Labours strongest topic !! FFS is the world going completely mad ???

    Cameron why the fuck are you letting him away with this ???

    • 31
      captain cumshot says:

      Cameron needs drugs.

      1) 2 pints of Stella
      2) 0.1g cocaine (allow 5 minutes to level off)
      3) 5mg valium (taken 20 minutes before the start of the debate)

      All this must begin 30 minutes before the curtain call.

      Job done. A confident, bossy and opinionated Dave.

    • 37
      captain cumshot says:

      Cameron needs drugs.

      1) 2 pints of Stella
      2) 0.1g cocaine
      3) 5mg Valium

      Take 20 mins before curtain call.

      Job done. A confident, bossy and opinionated Dave.

    • 46
      Henry's Afterthought says:

      I think this is happening because they are playing out a charade to reassure those they consider beneath them. After all, they don’t work for us any more.

    • 189
      Tony says:

      I honestly don’t know what is happening to this country, its completely fucked. We’re now witnessing Brittan’s got celebrity prime minister factor backed by a facebook campaign trying to get a christmal lib-dem in at number 1(0). All the while having had our deepest recession, highest budget deficit, growth figures less than expected, inflation higher than expected, un-employment going up and somehow its still those nasty Tory’s fault

    • 190
      Tony says:

      What the Tory’s need is Michael Gove as leader of their party. At least he seems to get angry and attack back in a coherent and forceful way

  13. 22
    Gordon Brown says:

    As i and everyone agree with Nick There are no need to trouble you all with a election, So all bow to the first ever lifetime President of the uk .

    • 30
      Anonymous says:

      Don’t fuckin joke about it – that’s exactly what Scargill did when elected president of the NUM – made a rule that all this regular voting malarkey was a waste of time and from now on the presidents post is for life. Hey and what a coincidence, thats means me.
      Liebour, socialists, brethren (Mandelson started out in the communist party) – all comrades together.

      • 47
        Greychatter says:

        Mandleson went on a trip with Scargill to Cuba – his reward is to be elevated to the Lords, probably with a bigger bank account than Tony Blair.

        All men and Equal – but some in the “Labour” party are more Equal than the rest of us – who pay their wages.

        Vote Labour – Get Marxism.

        • 60
          Anonymous says:

          Historians are looking at socialism as the great failed experiment of the 20th century. The Berlin wall in 94, the USSR etc. The British people are now looking at New Liebour as the great failed experiment of the turn of the 21st century, the “new” part being the last gasp of the comrades final attempt to inflict another Stalin on the masses.

          • Atlas shrugged says:

            I am sorry mate socialism is not only alive and kicking it has not even started picking over your bones quite yet.

            I don’t think you have been paying proper attention. All of our big 3 parties are not FREE anything. They are puppets of our highly socialistic establishment.

            The owners of the worlds banking system created communism, fascism as well as socialism, and have long since controlled the worst, and most horrendously nasty and wholly dishonest aspects of capitalism. They are collectively the worst possible thing ever to happen to this entire world. With the POSSIBLE exception of this planets last mass extinction around 50 million years ago.

            There has never been a modern day war or conflict that lasted more then a few days that they have not started and financed BOTH sides of. There is not a modern genocide they have not instigated and provided the funds for carrying out.

            They instigated and financed the production of all WMD and all that went murderously with them. They are indeed the devils representatives on earth, as are ALL of the worlds established religions they have long since been married to.

            Having said all of the above, it does still matter a little which political party gets elected. However when I say, we are only voting for the less of 3 slightly different types of the most profound EVIL, I mean exactly that.

            Of course I could be completely mad, as well as talking well and truly out of my own back passage. However if I was you I would do a little proper and full research into the matter before you rashly continue in your own blissful, but highly dangerous ignorance.

    • 111
      Blue Lady says:

      The nightmare is if we have a Lib Lab coalition, this could be a reality. Only a Conservative majority will get Brown out and even then they’ll have to send in the men in white coats to make him leave.

  14. 26
    Coffin Dodger says:

    60 seconds?

    I can sum it up in 6 secs or less:

    The Gorgon – I am, and will remain, TOPP

    ‘Dave’ – I agree

    ‘Nigel’ – I wanna job

  15. 28
    Carlos Tevez says:

    why am i losing 50% of my wages in tax?

  16. 29
    King of the Trolls says:

    So. We’re all agreed then. It’s got to be Labour for five more years.

  17. 32
    Gorgon, the Moron's Moron, ***, *****, and ******* says:

    As everyone is asking, here are the latest figures:

    In the last week alone I have personally supervised

    1. the production of 67,000 million tractors

    2. the insemination of 67,000 million teens to produce the next crop of voters, – should I ever call another election in future decades.

    3. the building of 67,000 million flats to house #3 above

    4. the import of 67,000 million widescreen HiDef TVs, fridges, and cookers for #3 above

    5. the export of 67,000 million tons of UK bullion at knock down prices

    6. the creation of £67,000 million more debt


  18. 36
    Brown's a goner says:

    Whatever happens on May 6, Brown’s finished. Look at the potential scenarios.

    A working Conservative majority. Brown is finished.

    Hung parliament. Lib Dems either join with the Tories, or they join Labour on condition Brown is removed and someone else takes over as leader. If Labour come third in the country but have the most seats in a hung parliament, they will not let Brown cling on if there is a chance at staying in office in a coalition with the Lib Dems. In either coalition scenario, Brown is finished.

    The Queen also has the power to ask any of the party leaders to form the government, and her most likely choice would be to ask Cameron to join with the Lib Dems.

    Under every conceivable result, Brown is finished. He will no longer be prime minister on May 7.

    • 103
      Anonymous says:

      Nick Clegg has already revoked his threat to refuse power unless Brown is axed.

      He will happily prop up a Brown led Government in return for a PR system of elections that will keep those ridiculous freaks in the Liberals party holding the balance of power forever.

      Vote Yellow – Get Brown!!!

  19. 38
    Gordons Blownit here there and everywhere says:

    Amazing that it is on the Beeb and not on here. Does Toenails know something we dont.
    Not a tractor stat so Gorfoon wouldn’t be expected to know it.
    On the other hand it wouldn’t surprise me if nulab found a way of spending £3 billion administering it.

  20. 45
    John Prescott says:

    I like a thick, juicy piece of steak. For breakfast, that is. A large deep pan stuffed crust meat supreme pizza for elevenses. A roast chicken with all the trimmings for lunch. A curry with all the trimmings for afternoon tea. Four Big Mac meals for dinner. And a lasagne before bedtime.

  21. 49
    angelnstar says:


    At least Nick Clegg came out and admitted he was not the Saviour of British politics, nor our White Knight, as he pretended in the first debate.

    His pious preaching then was absolutely sickening, when scrutiny revealed he claimed business class travel, while travelling economy whilst an MEP, and has spent £90K on his Sheffield house.

    Above are the lies, half truths and evasions of Saint Nick.

    • 61
      Greychatter says:


      Nicholas William Peter Clegg

      Clegg was educated at Westminster School in London before studying archaeology and anthropology at Robinson College, Cambridge; he later studied at the University of Minnesota and the College of Europe.

      His half-Russian father Nicholas Clegg CBE was a banker, is chairman of United Trust Bank, and is a trustee of The Daiwa Anglo-Japanese Foundation, where Ken Clarke was an advisor. Clegg’s paternal grandfather, Hugh Anthony Clegg was the editor of the British Medical Journal for 35 years. Clegg’s great-great-grandfather, the Russian nobleman Ignaty Zakrevsky, was attorney general of the imperial Russian senate. His great-great aunt was the writer, Baroness Moura Budberg.

      Clegg’s Dutch mother, Hermance van den Wall Bake, was, along with her family, interned by the Japanese in Batavia (Jakarta) in the Dutch East Indies. She met Clegg’s father during a visit to England in 195 and they married on 1 August 1959.
      Leo van des Pas has traced back Clegg’s lineage to Johann V, Count of Nassau-Dillenburg which links him to David Cameron as a 16th cousin. Van des Pas claims Clegg’s descent from William the Conqueror, Edward I of England and Charlemagne.

      Clegg was educated in South Buckinghamshire at Caldicott School, and later in London at Westminster School. As a 16-year-old exchange student in Munich, Germany, he was punished with community service, after he and a friend burned a collection of cacti belonging to a professor. When news of the incident was later reported during his time as Liberal Democrat Home Affairs spokesman, Clegg said it was something he was “not proud” of.
      He spent a gap year as a ski instructor in Austria, and as an office junior in a Helsinki bank, before attending Robinson College, Cambridge. Clegg studied Archaeology and Anthropology at Cambridge, and was active in the student theatre; he acted alongside Helena Bonham Carter in a play about AIDS. He was captain of the college tennis team, and campaigned for the human rights organisation Survival International. In 2008 it was reported that while at university, Clegg had joined the Cambridge University Conservative Association between 1986 and 1987, with contemporary membership records citing an “N Clegg” of Robinson College. (At the time, Clegg was the only person of that name at Robinson) However, Clegg himself later maintained he had “no recollection of that whatsoever.”
      After university he was awarded a scholarship to study for a year at the University of Minnesota, where he wrote a thesis on the political philosophy of the Deep Green movement. He then moved to New York, where he worked as an intern under Christopher Hitchens at The Nation, a left-wing magazine.
      Clegg next moved to Brussels, where he worked for six months as a trainee in the G24 Co-ordination Unit which delivered aid to the countries of the former Soviet Union. After the internship he took a second Master’s degree at the College of Europe in Bruges, where he met his wife, Miriam González Durántez.

      Small wonder Nick Clegg wants Britain to join the Euro.

      How many 100% ENGLISH politicians do we have??

      Notice Nick Clegg’s father was a Tory and Ken Clarke’s onetime boss.

    • 157
      simon r says:

      He bought the cheapest most run down old house he could find ( I think an elderly person had lived there ) knowing that he could claim back ALL the costs of doing it up and then pocket the difference once it had been turned into a nice house once again and sold.

  22. 52
    SAS Veteran says:

    If Her Majesty would kindly give me the order, I would happily remove the enemy of the state called G Brown. For Queen and Country, your Majesty.

  23. 53

    The debate boiled down to 60 seconds, I am glad I didn’t watch it

  24. 54
    The ghost of the future says:

    You dont want to know what happens if gordon wins!

  25. 57
    Miki says:

    Labour are taking money OUT of the economy by raising NICS. When DC then protests that this is not the time to be kicking the consumer AND the employer in the gut, and when he announces that he will NOT be raising this money, and will instead make up for the shortfall in Treasury coffers by cutting government waste, then Labour has the gall to claim that, by not raising money for the GOVERNMENT, the Tories are somehow taking money out of the ECONOMY??

    Since when did “Government” and the “Economy” become synonymous?

    I’m sick & tired of hearing Brown, Balls, Darling, Harman, you name it, all saying “Tories want to take money out of the economy just when it’s so fragile” !!
    If it’s so goddamn fragile, do you not think that perhaps it might be unwise to raise taxes in the first place, you ignorant lying thiefs??

    This cuts to the heart of Labour’s philosophy. The crux of the matter. They actually really do think that the government and the economy are one and the same. They think that if you cut away at the excess fat which exists within this inefficient & bloated government, that it’s somehow synonymous with cutting spending on the economy itself; cutting wasteful layers of government intrusion is somehow spun as cutting vital frontline services like policemen on the street or teachers at school. They think that borrowing money and using the proceeds to grow the government to be even bigger is a good thing. They think that it makes sense to take more of our hard-earned money, create layers of bureaucracy, announce plans for benefits, tax credits, grants or outright handouts, so that all of us can then fill out application forms and beg to get back the very money that was ours to begin with. Instead of being self-reliant and benefiting from our own hard work, we become dependent on the state. We abdicate responsibility and we end up addicted to their benevolence. And yet, as soon as you suggest that, like everyone else who’s had to go through tough budget analysis, the government itself might be able to deliver the same services for less money, they accuse you of wanting to deny old grannies their medecine or taking food out of the mouths of the poor!

    • 63
      The Archbishop of Canterbury says:

      This could be just because they are, um, socialists.

    • 65
      Greychatter says:

      Excellent analysis.

    • 68
      Here Hare Here says:

      I wholeheartedly agree.
      When Brown keeps repeating the same tired old cock about taking 6 billion out of the economy, why doesn’t Cameron point out that if Brown hadn’t flogged Britains gold at such a low price, there would be 7 billion more in the treasury now ?

    • 70
      Sir William waad says:

      “To draw an analogy, if the UK was a business, the shareholders would be asking serious questions. The current model appears to be that we can grow our business by growing overhead, by applying better terms and conditions to support functions than to wealth creators, and by paying dividends out of borrowings not all of which are recognised on the balance sheet.

      We are also asked to believe that service levels will inevitably suffer if the costs of delivery are reduced. This need not be the case. As any business will confirm, service levels will reflect prioritisation, proper definition of desired outcomes, concentration on reducing waste and investment in productivity.” – Sir John Rose

    • 89
      The Sleeper says:

      Thank you for that analysis…perfect.

      Unfortunately,I watched Stephen Timms on Randall and Boulton just now….he was spouting exactly the rubbish that you exposed.

      So I checked his background….he worked in the telecoms business for 15 years until 1994……but his role was writing reports on the future of the business.Therefore,he has never been subject to budgetary scrutiny,or restrictions,or business..full stop.
      He repeated the lie of removing £6billion from the economy…but cannot explain why it does remove anything.

      He has never had any business,or other,experience of Financial responsibility…yet this man is the Financial Secretary to the UK Treasury.

      Is it any wonder that those who understand these things despair?

      • 106
        Jan says:

        Stephen Timms is very odd looking. He’s got a very funny shaped head too. Not many brains in there,just a big mass of poo. Speaking of poo saw Polly Toynbee on same programme some 15 minutes later spouting crap about all those horrid horrid Tory papers. Apparently poor old Labour don’t stand a chance as the meeja are so biased in favour of those horrid Tories.(I nearly fell off my chair). Labour has the biggest baddest most biased corrupt broadcasting company in Al-Jabeeba spouting their lies 24 hours a day,but hey,Polly just doesn’t see that. I am surprised that Jeff Randall didn’t pick her up on this point.He could have said ‘you’re ‘aving a larf Toynbee’. This woman’s grasp on reality is slipping away.Of course she just loves Nick the Prick. Randall and Hopkirk……I mean Randall and Boulton Unleashed is not very good is it? Adam Boulton is just a blob sitting on a chair taking it all in.He just seems to listen to all the rubbish and appears to be in a world of his own. If I likened him to a dog it would be a big fat bulldog who can hardly move.Jeff is a terrier, at least he does attack.Ruff,ruff

    • 91
      Anonymous says:

      Preaching to the converted here Miki,

      just wish Cameron would get off his arse, and get your message, word for word out there to the general population to crush the one eyed freak, and his pathetic communist party once and for all.

  26. 58
    The last days of Labour says:

    The morning of May 7 at No10:

    “Mr Brown, you have to leave the building now…Mr Brown, I will not call you Prime Minister because you are not Prime Minister anymore…Mr Brown, you were supposed to leave Downing Street over an hour ago. They are waiting for you. All your things have been moved out…Mr Brown, there will not be any recount. I really must insist you leave Number 10 immediately…Mr Brown, please don’t shove the secretary. She doesn’t work for you anymore…Mr Brown, if you don’t leave, they will call in the police to remove you by force…Mr Brown, what are you doing with that pistol? Mr Brown, why are you putting the pistol in your mouth?”

    • 71
      Sir William Waad says:

      He’d miss.

    • 87
      nell says:

      He said , if he loses, that he’s going to write more books on courage.

      I bet his publisher was over the moon at that prospect!!

      • 102
        Anonymous says:

        Perhaps a song about courage…

        Like the “Brave Sir Robin” one from The Holy Grail.

        Bravely bold Sir Gordon
        Rode forth from Number 10.
        He was not afraid to lie,
        Oh brave Sir Gordon.
        He was not at all afraid
        Of Balls & those nasty gays.
        Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Gordon.

        He was not in the least bit scared
        Of the threats of IMF.
        Or to have his eye gouged out,
        And the economy broken.
        To have his party split
        And his budget burned away,
        And his sums all hacked and mangled
        Brave Sir Gordon.

        • 113
          nell says:


          • Brave Brave Sir Dave says:

            “Today, I will give this cast-iron guarantee: if I become PM a Conservative government will hold a referendum on any EU treaty that emerges from these negotiations.”

          • Anonymous says:

            …May 7th…

            Brave Sir Gordon ran away.
            Bravely ran away away.
            (“I didn’t!”)
            When danger reared it’s ugly head,
            He bravely turned his tail and fled.
            Yes, brave Sir Gordon turned about
            (“I didn’t!”)
            And gallantly he chickened out.

            ****Bravely**** taking (“I never did!”) to his feet,
            He beat a very brave retreat.
            (“all lies!”)
            Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Gordon!
            (“I never!”)

      • 199
        Sir Reginald Titbrain. says:

        Lawd Pawk won’t buy any more of the crap he writes once he’s done for. A million schoolkids can heave a sigh of relief at not having more og that garbage polluting the shelf and making Noddy look palatable.

  27. 62
    Lord Baron Lord Mandelcunt says:

    I love doing the washing up. It gets my hands all covered in fairy liquid.

    • 76
      My Lord MandleScum of FairyLiquid says:

      I just love getting it fresh, straight from the boy!

      • 182
        catwoman says:

        surely you are referring to Kaa the snake in Mowgli jungle tales who spins his whirly eyes and says “believe in me” who has morphed into mandlebum for the election

  28. 66
    nell says:

    I do hope cameron and clegg marshall all the facts about gordon’s gross economic mismanagement for next week’s debate and make sure they get a proper airing.

    They might like to point out that economic growth under the tories ’79 -’97 far outperformed labour of ’97 to 2010 .

    I hope they make the point about him selling £6billion of our gold at rock bottom prices after he had incompetently notified the market of his intentions which caused the price to fall disastrously.

    They better not let it go without mention that he raided £5billion from pensions and that this act has also left a £4billion a year compound reduction to their incomes. (Talk about taking money out of the economy!!)

    For good measure I hope they have a go at him for starving the Armed Forces of funds just as they mounted wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and then stood back and watched good men die for want of equipment.

    And they could finish off the debate with a recount of gordon’s legacy :- Highest unemployment for 15 years. 1 in 5 on welfare benefits and a £167billion (rising daily-and not to mention the interest payments!!) deficit!!!

    Remind me again why anyone wants to vote for gordon?

  29. 69
    forthurst says:

    Speaking personally, I can’t wait for a Clegg Administration but can someone remind who is in what role in the Shadow Shadow Cabinet, Lemsip Optik for instance or which of them has not had a homosexual experience however weird?

    • 79
      Politically Correct Thort Police, 'n that says:


      Watch it!

      5% of all males are weirdos – that is, sick!

      It’s the DNA innit?

      Don’kno bart Wimmin.

      So just shut it willya!

      • 202
        Sir Reginald Titbrain. says:

        It’s generally accepted that 5% is a reasonable estimate in the population as a whole. What is it in Parliament? With 640 odd MPs we should be looking at 32. My hunch is they are over-represented.

        Mandellson [ He might as well be an MP]
        Ben Bradshaw
        Chris Bryant
        Nick Brown
        Alan Duncan

        Not doing very well, am I. Help

  30. 73
  31. 75
    HaHaHaPerson's crotchless panties says:

    Wow, – it’s getting hot in here!

    We’re getting all worked up over thoughts of Gorgon’s job becoming vacant.

    There’s a big hole to fill.

  32. 83
    Prezza Five Bellies says:

    Now what I say to you is this did you see the way gordon slapped down that public school ponce no not Cameron I mean Clegg why is labour sucking up to this man he is not working class he went to westminster that’s even posher than Tony’s school Fettid but what I say is this my friends I have never trusted the liberal democrats most of them were labour deserters though frankly who wanted to keep shirley face like a slapped arse they were welcome to her but one thing I will say for clegg is have you seen his missis he must be hung like a donkey to have pulled that but you know as I was saying to harriet the other day look sweetheart I said this election is still winnable darling now you just get your cute arse off out and bang on a few doors love but what I say to you is this gordon is the only man to lead this country out of the economic mess he got us into clegg is just a posh schoolboy really and cameron is all but new labour anyway so why doesn’t he just join us what i like about campaigning is all the wenches you meet on the doorsteps I get invited in for tea all the time plus the warm crumpets of course now I’m off for a fish and chip supper after that it’s 70s nite in the hotel bar wish I could put it all on exes but them days are gone…

    • 149
      nell says:

      Poor old prezza , he, gordon,whelan, damian, kevan, rammell and aintbustinagut are easily the most ugly men in the world I have ever seen!!!

      They are also the most unpleasant personalities that british politics have ever experienced.

      Well! apart from bliar and alastairc (those dubious personalities who were involved in the unresolved death of Dr David Kelly)

      Lovely party, the labour party!!! NOT!!!

  33. 86
    nell says:

    I wonder how the labour party feels about the possibility of five more years of PM gordon ??

    I wonder if they watched him do these two debates and thought ‘wow what an absolutely fantasttic communicator he is’?

    I wonder if they’ve watched him run up the £167billion deficit, preside over the rise in unemployment statistics to a 15 year high, starve troops in Iraq and then Afghanistan of funds whilst lining his own pockets with claims on the taxpayer for for his ‘second’ home even though he can’t legally claim a first home owned anywhere and thought ‘what an astute, able, amazingly economically competent man this is?’

    Or are they privately despairing that they have let this failed, incompetent, economically illiterate, socially inadequate moron lead the party to the brink of oblivion!

    • 96
      Dick Tator says:

      Good one, Nell. Don’t let them grind you down.

    • 122
      Bye Bye Brown says:

      Brown’s out the door after May the 6th.
      Mandy has been manouvering for Miliboy already and the fact is it doesn’t need to be a Party leader whom the queen calls on to lead a coalition Government.
      His only chance was winning outrigtht and that was never going to happen.

    • 164
      Canary Wharf Rat says:

      Nell are you and JGM2 partners. Articulate and to the point!

      • 176
        nell says:

        No idea about jgm2. He might be a he or a she , a pensioner or an expat. I don’t know!! He?She? will answer for themselves I don’t doubt!!

        Think I have said on here before that I am a pensioner raising a disabled grandchild and having very big problems with the nhs. We are having to use our pension to buy in private medical care for her and questioning why the labour party’s ‘Every Child Matters! policy is not not woking for us!!?

        • 205
          Sir Reginald Titbrain. says:

          Come on Nell, get real. It’s not supposed to work, it’s only supposed to sound good. You see the money is needed to provide accommodation for 4×4′s and the like.

  34. 92
  35. 93
    ThousandsOfMilesAway says:

    56% of u24′s have not registered to vote. Discuss.

    Is this because they are not stupid?

    • 98
      Dick Tator says:

      And these idiots want to give the vote to 16 year olds, who will also not bother to register.

    • 100
      Blue Rosette says:

      Thank goodness. All the muppets under 30 in my office, supposedly intelligent, university educated, well presented etc etc etc are the most out of touch soilt brats you have ever come across.

      University educated = A level standard circa 1980.

      They all want to vote LibDem because “a change is a good idea” . They don’t even know what their policies are.

      Thank heavens they don’t want to vote.

  36. 101
    Blue Rosette says:

    Don’t know about you lot but I am sick to death with this election already.

    Cameron better up his game. I think he is a good man, an intelligent man, a survivor. But he is NOT a leader.

    Brown is a busted flush and Clegg comes across as an intellectual grease monkey who although articulate is on a different planet with regards to his crazy policies such as no nuclear power stations.

    Just how will we all keep the lights on? Wait until you see crude oil at $200 with £1=$ parity.

    There really ought to be a minimum standard for wannabe MP’s

    • 161
      Canary Wharf Rat says:

      I made the comment below before reading this. Clegg & Cable = Snake Oil Salesmen

  37. 105
    Down With Brown! says:

    Dave doing well with Paxman so far.

    • 112
      Wee Jimmy says:

      Paxman really is a cnut – bringing up the “You’re from a privileged background”. Is Cameron supposed to apologise for who his parents were?

      • 117
        Ratsniffer says:

        I thought Cameron was quite good in this interview, he didn’t let Paxterminator get one over on him, he slapped him down a few times when he wouldn’t let him answer, but I still think he needs to come out fighting more next week and deliver some knock out punches.

      • 137
        nell says:

        Who cares where his parents came from?!

        We have the spendthrift gordon whose father was a presbyterian minister with a moral compass that gordon said he had but then lied, lied and lied, balls who was educated in a private school (not to mention bliar, harriett and darling and on and on..) and then ainbustinagut, prezza,the militwits and postmanpat who were all educated in the state sector.

        None of them have done us any good and clearly it isn’t their very mixed educational backgrounds of independent and state education that has been the deciding factor in their incompetence, their dishonesty,their greed and their failure. There is, very simply, something very decayed at the heart of labour ‘s policies that has encouraged their elite to trough and lie , to starve our troops in Irag and then Afghanistan of funds and then watch the casualty rate rise and rise and then trough again for themselves and then just ignore the people they should have been serving!!!

        Hence Hague’s state education and cameron’s independent education is not going to be a deciding factor in whether they succeed or fail.

        Success in getting the economy back on track, for which the conservatives have a very long and reliable history, rests solely on Proper Housekeeping , not spending more than you earn, putting some aside for a rainy day, curtailing what’s paid to the EU and fighting to get back some of our hard earned revenue, cutting back the state and giving commerce a chance to grow.

        Truth is gordon has finally killed keynesian economics!!!!

        • 168
          how nell see's Dave (swimming is a metaphor for competence in case it went over your head love) says:

    • 120
      Mr Plum says:

      Next up Paxo and Brown hope its not in HD

  38. 115
    Dave says:

    MOSCOW, April 23 (UPI) — A Russian scientist says the Arctic may be getting colder, not warmer, which would hamper the international race to discover new mineral fields.

    An Arctic cold snap that began in 1998 could last for years, freezing the northern marine passage and making it impassable without icebreaking ships, said Oleg Pokrovsky of the Voeikov Main Geophysical Observatory.
    “I think the development of the shelf will face large problems,” Pokrovsky said Thursday at a seminar on research in the Polar regions.

    Scientists who believe the climate is warming may have been misled by data from U.S. meteorological stations located in urban areas, where dense microclimates creates higher temperatures, RIA Novosti quoted Pokrovsky as saying. “Politicians who placed their bets on global warming may lose the pot,” Pokrovsky said


  39. 132
    Dark Lord says:

    Told you all before – if you want to know about Blair and Brown read Andrew Rawnsley’s book The End of the Parrty and be very afraid!!!!

    • 165
      nell says:

      The problem is, labour’s core vote cannot read , lives on welfare (& is now 29% of the population) , drinks v+dk+ for breakfast and doesn’t get out of bed before midday. So none of them would have read Andrew’s book.

      Let’s hope the rest of us who get up before the dawn, nurse disabled relatives, have watched our pensions be filched by gordon, work too hard and for too many hours, grow our own food and live within our means can vote that lazy, lying, fickle, spendspendspend, troughing labour lot out

      • 167
        nell says:

        The problem is, labour’s core vote cannot read , lives on welfare (& is now 29% of the population) , doesn’t get out of bed before midday. So none of them would have read Andrew’s book.

        Let’s hope the rest of us who get up before the dawn, nurse disabled relatives, have watched our pensions be filched by gordon, work too hard and for too many hours, grow our own food and live within our means can vote that lazy, lying, fickle, spendspendspend, troughing labour lot out

        • 169
          My god I hate Brown says:

          I’m voting for the Iceland Volcano Party – it’s done more to stop
          immigration in the last 10 days than any successive Governments
          have done in decades!

        • 170
          ROFL!! says:

          not only that they are so fucking stupid they constantly reach for the laziest dumbest stereotypes, generalisations and moronic caricatures of both themselves and their opponents to prove it

        • 186
          Canary Wharf Rat says:

          Nell, one thing we are missing here is on this blog is we are all engage in the process. We are a bit like Computer nurds in a lot of ways living in what to us is a normal existence but pretty rarified when it comes to the majority out there. The media is same and have been seduced by this presidential type hyping of the leaders. The majority of the population have “better” things to do and by and large. I believe don’t really give a toss what the polls are saying as their tribal instincts mean the majority have already made their minds up almost as if it was in their DNA. Those that got seduced by Blair who have a modicom of intelligence are not going to be fooled again. I still think despite all the hype of a hung Parliament that the Libs will poll no more than 25% New Liars will poll 28% Cons 35-45%. I thinh both UKIP & B+P will be represented and amybe the Greens with 1 seat apiece. The main reason I don’t want a hung Parliament is i would hate to see Salmond and the fat welsh bird rubbing there hands at what they can extract from the Westmnster Parliament at Englands expense.

        • 196
          albacore says:

          Sworn to lose
          Stampeding down the drain
          All Dave’s guff
          Does nowt but sap your brain
          It’s long years
          Since they were last true blue
          Sworn to lose
          Vote Tory – Get E U

    • 181
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      I’ve read it. I’m very afraid too.

  40. 139
    nell says:

    I think the management of the labour party looks increasingly like a mafia orgaisation!

    In Scotland that is even moreso!!

    And we let these people take over our government in Westminster? Why??!!

  41. 141
    RT says:

    Hmmmm, Vince Fable just got a battering over the £2,000,000 donation over on the campaign show (BBC News). Very entertaining.

  42. 143
    Anonymous says:

    They’ve really had a go at Vince Cable on the 9pm Politics prog on the BBC news channel. I’m quite cheered by it.

  43. 146
    Dack Blog says:

    I think the cameraman on the Campaign Show is struggling to keep his lens out of that woman’s gargantuan cleavage. The discussion is thattaway, mate.

  44. 148
    RT says:

    Funny, after wittering on about green issues and Global Warming yesterday, it turns out Cleg has been flying all over the country today! (Cameron took the train).

    What a sanctimonious twonk.

  45. 150
    Calamity Clegg says:

    It’s 23rd April: it’s St. George’s Day:

    I say Britain has delusions of grandeur.

  46. 154
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    After watching Cable with Brillo on Wednesday and Clegg last night I have come to the conclusion that they are a couple of Snake Oil Salesman. Trying to be all things to all people. Bullshit baffling simple brains.

  47. 156
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    Listening to radio 4 this morning they had four young undecided voters. One of them referred to Cable as Vinne Cable. CooooooooL !

  48. 162
    Anonymous says:

    I like the Spectator comment (presumably written by Fraser Nelson) that following the first leaders debate, the viewing public have decided to blow a raspberry at the establishment and Nick Clegg is the raspberry!

    • 201
      Liblabcon enemies of Britain says:

      Unfortunately Nick Clegg is very much part of that establishment. He’s the fraudulent ‘alternative’, spouting exactly the same bullshit on all the big issues we the plebs are not allowed a say in.

  49. 180
    Anonymous says:

    Is that an ironic response to Nell or do you mean it? There ought to be a smiley type symbol for irony, or even ironing.

  50. 191
    Life Long Conservative says:

    I seem to smell the stench of appeasement in the air – Margaret Thatcher!

  51. 197
    Alex Salmond says:

    We are very much looking forward to a hung parliament so that Scotland can look forward to its fair share of English taxes.

  52. 204
    Driver Brown says:

    Kissin and a-huggin with Clegg.

  53. 208
    Sir Reginald Titbrain. says:

    The rise in popularity of the Libdems is quite suprising, and can only be attributed to the X factor mentality of the electorate.

    Although the Liberals and Libdems have been under represented and thought of as a small party they have always managed to find an excellent leader.

    I would say Clegg is the least impressive of those I can remember, not counting the Venerable Menzies who was a bit of a stop gap.

    Jo. Grimond was good, Jeremy Thorpe was an able bugger, David Steel good, Paddy Ashdowne first class, Kennedy was hic, good, hic.

    Unfortunately it’s the troops who are crap.

    I am 22 and always tell the truth.

  54. 211
    HO Lim-peng says:

    Did anyone see the Cameron/Hague wheelchair poster put up by Labour on the web just before the debate? Utterly disgusting, particularly in view of Cameron’s family tragedy. Brown should issue a public apology.

    • 212
      zorro says:

      Yes he is a complete and utter c*** for authorising that. Of course, he will say that he didn’t….but every utterance that comes out of his jock c*** mouth is a disgusting lie

  55. 215
    Anonymous says:

    Nell Wote:

    I do hope cameron and clegg marshall all the facts about gordon’s gross economic mismanagement for next week’s debate and make sure they get a proper airing.

    They might like to point out that economic growth under the tories ’79 -’97 far outperformed labour of ’97 to 2010 .

    I hope they make the point about him selling £6billion of our gold at rock bottom prices after he had incompetently notified the market of his intentions which caused the price to fall disastrously.

    They better not let it go without mention that he raided £5billion from pensions and that this act has also left a £4billion a year compound reduction to their incomes. (Talk about taking money out of the economy!!)

    For good measure I hope they have a go at him for starving the Armed Forces of funds just as they mounted wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and then stood back and watched good men die for want of equipment.

    And they could finish off the debate with a recount of gordon’s legacy :- Highest unemployment for 15 years. 1 in 5 on welfare benefits and a £167billion (rising daily-and not to mention the interest payments!!) deficit!!!

    She knows it, we all know it, anyone who reads this blog knows it (and there appear to be plenty of people who.) Can anyone tell my why the flying f**k doesn’t CMD mention this to that one eyed, slack jawed bogey muncher???

    I am baffled. Truly. I thought all you bloggers had the ear of the people who are meant to matter or have you all been bullshitting ??

    FFS Dave, wake up you c u n t.

  56. 216
    Davo says:

    Yeah, yeah it’s off topic.

    Anyone know that song Elvis sings to Browny…. wuzzit Bad, Bad Leeroy Brown er Ain’t Too Proud To Beg (for votes)?

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Cathy Jamieson MP, Labour’s Shadow Treasury minister, commenting on Treasury analysis of the economic impact of tax changes…

“If the Treasury is looking at the economic impact of tax changes, then surely it should examine the impact of the rise in VAT and cuts to tax credits? George Osborne’s £12 billion VAT rise knocked confidence, helped to choke off the recovery and has cost families £1,350 over the last three years.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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