April 23rd, 2010

Friday Caption Competition (Fool and Fuld Edition)


302 Comments

  1. 1
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” I will be available to start on 7th May.”

    • 2
      fitaloon says:

      …Earlier if you have some spare change

      • 123
        Masked Conservative candidate arrested for punching woman says:

        Martin Coxall, a candidate for East India and Lansbury, was led away by police after a 46-year-old woman was punched and a 61-year-old woman was knocked to the ground at about 2pm .

        • 127
          Anonymous says:

          What an interesting caption! Your talents are clearly wasted.

          • Amongymouse says:

            Lehman Brother – “What an interesting caption! Your talents are clearly wasted.”

            Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

            It’s the way I tell em

            Brown – “Have you seen my Boom ?”

          • wayne trombone says:

            we are invincible
            nothing can go wrong

        • 179
          Penfold says:

          Was that Balls and Harperson? give the guy a medal.

          • Anonymous says:

            I won’t be in office but I have many friends who could influence your [Lehman Brothers] return to growth. I also know a man who deals in Korean oil and security advice in the middle east who could help? I am sure he could fit you in between speeches.

      • 155
        anonymouse says:

        You’r here today we’ll be gone tomorrow. Fuck off Jonah.

        • 239
          Disaffected says:

          Darling might be cheaper, but trust my judgment I have more friends than him to lobby. He got the country in a financial mess along with the Americans you know.

          • Disaffected says:

            No worries, I’ll fcuk it up and Alistair will spin it. Anyone who crosses me will be smeared by Balls and McBride. Oh, and by the way, do you want to rent a flat on Westminster Bridge?

    • 5
      Anonymous says:

      to which they reply – “We’re already fucked – so we no longer need your skillset”

    • 38
      Goldfinger says:

      WELL DICK, I LOST £6 BILLION SELLING GOLD. I’M KNOWN FOR GETTING THE BIG DECISIONS RIGHT. I DECIDED TO BLAME ED BALLS – HE’S SUCH A PATSY.

    • 103
      balls is a hoon says:

      1998 – You work on getting al the money and I’ll spread the news that boom and bust has gone forever

    • 159
      Anonymous says:

      NO I AM NOT GAY, IT WAS A ONE TIME THING I TELL YOU

    • 172
      B*NP = England says:

      Because the BBC cut the B*NP off mid manifesto launch I am now going to vote for the B*NP, and get all my large extended family to do the same. See what you have done BBC shit heads

      • 200
        RCT says:

        unless your extended family is about 10 million people it still won’t make a difference, best bnp can hope for is a few council seats. The taliban would have to bomb wembley stadium during an england game for them to get a westminster seat

      • 203
        RCT says:

        Unless your extended family is about 10 million people it wont make a difference.
        Best they can hope for is a few more councillors. The taliban would have to bomb Wembley during an England game for them to get a Westminster seat

      • 227
        Sven Errikson says:

        Deport Nick Clegg!

    • 300
      Yvette Balls says:

      Loser…I managed to bust a country, you only bust a bank…

  2. 3
    Paul says:

    Tou don’t look like brothers.

  3. 4
    The last days of Labour says:

    Would you like to make a donation to Labour? There’s a peerage in it for you.

  4. 6
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    We’ve told you before, we don’t buy from people knocking on the door.

  5. 7
    Imprison Jonah says:

    I’ve done to the country what you’ve done to your bank.

  6. 8
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    What part of “fuck off” don’t you understand?

  7. 9
    jgm2 says:

    It started in America.

  8. 10
    dr. sipp says:

    you dont look happy—-i wont look happy–may 7th

  9. 11
    boulay says:

    get real dick

  10. 12
    Quiller says:

    Will you keep an eye out for some spare cash?

  11. 13
    The last days of Labour says:

    I’m sorry I wasn’t able to meet you both last week. I was waiting for Peter’s permission.

  12. 14

    How dare you speak ill of my poor retations . . . . . . please donate a little of our secret gifts to you party in the times of plenty :(

  13. 15
    davy says:

    “I recommend Post-classical endogenous growth theory to your business. It’s a winner.”

  14. 16
    jaf says:

    Right, so thats sell the gold now, thanks for the tip guys

  15. 17
    pete-s says:

    McDisaster: Trust me, you will not go wrong if you listen to me.

  16. 18

    Don’t look down and I will slip the brown envelope into your pocket

  17. 20
    Eyes wide open says:

    Come on Prime Minister you have to try harder, 2+2 is not 5.

  18. 21
    Brownzakunt says:

    Fuck off and work for a charity – they measure success in platitudes too.

  19. 22
    The last days of Labour says:

    My name is Gordon. I’m a big boy but I still have to go everywhere with my carer, Peter. He’s a very nice man. He looks after me and makes sure no one says anything bad to me. Otherwise I get very, very angry and these nice people have to give me something so I don’t feel very angry.

  20. 23

    My proctologist told me never to speak to do business with strange men sporting red raw index fingers.

  21. 24
    Em says:

    In Lehman’s terms, we’re fucked, but let’s not alarm people.

  22. 25
    Anonymous says:

    I agree, now I’ve sold the gold your company is a great investment.

  23. 26
    South of the M4 says:

    But we don’t understand Gordon. We followed your economic model to the letter.

  24. 27
    I K H L F says:

    “You took $613 billion out of the economy”

  25. 28
    jdennis_99 says:

    Evidence of Gordon Brown’s tutelage in economic stability explains a lot.

  26. 29
    Tom says:

    “You’re badly over-leveraged, using accounting tricks to hide debt off the balance sheet, have an inflated sense of your own importance and your salary far exceeds your abilities.”

  27. 30
    Anonymous says:

    I’m a Hunt but because I have no insight I am a resilient Hunt. Now can I have a job?

  28. 31
    Gordon Brown April 2004 says:

    “Lehman Brothers is a great company today that can both look backwards with pride and look forwards with hope. And in wishing Lehman Brothers the success it deserves for its future, let me thank you for the privilege of being here and formally declare this building open”

  29. 32
    Fifer says:

    So which one of you is Freddy and which one is Fannie?

  30. 33
    boulay says:

    you two remind me of small boys taking a bath.

  31. 34
    Anonymous says:

    Brown says, “That is a really cheap deal on a mortgage, give me half a dozen and charge it to T.A.X. Payer!”

  32. 35
    Jonah McDoom says:

    I was misquoted. I never said I ended boom and bust. I said I mended bums that were bust.

  33. 36
    Jonah McDoom says:

    I’ve never had a threesome before.

  34. 37
    Dick Fuld says:

    Chancellor, why do they call you a Jonah?

  35. 39
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Oi Vey
    Its the right thing to do you schumuck

  36. 40

    OK, so the deal is: I let you create billions of dodgy mortgage securities and you fund my plans with lots of tax.

    Hmm, if you could take away this gold stuff lying around the Treasury, it’s a deal.

  37. 41
    J lewis-list says:

    What’s that phrase again? “No more boom and bust?”

  38. 43
    A Firm Pair Of Breasts says:

    I have a plastic bag of money from Charlie Whelan and was wondering where I can invest it.

  39. 45
    Maladroit Labour Chump says:

    Spot the Difference Competition.

    One is Dick Fuld, the other is Dick Fooled.

    One is accused of being a financial criminal and the other is accused of being a financial imbecile.

    Can you tell the difference ? Answers on the back of a scaremongering leaflet.

  40. 46
    Busted nokia says:

    you two remind me of my two sons squabbling before bath time..

  41. 47
    Editor says:

    Hello, I live in Hell. Great, can you save a seat next to you? I’ll be there soon.

  42. 47
    Cynic says:

    You broke a bank….that’s nothing

    I broke a G8 country mate

  43. 49
    Jonah McDoom says:

    Oh, so I’m supposed to wipe after doing a jobby? That’s where I was going wrong. Thank you, gentlemen. So what is this place anyway? I just go where I’m told.

  44. 50
    Cynic says:

    Can I put you in my new book. I’m going to have a lot of time to Ghost write it soon

  45. 51
    Stu says:

    Giz a job, go on giz one. I can do da, I fucked a countries finances a can fuck ur business.

  46. 52
    Cynic says:

    Tony once said to me, “If every you’re in trouble just give Dick a call. He’ll know what to do.”

  47. 53
    pigs in space says:

    All the remaining gold in the Bank of England for a shed load of sub-prime mortgage securities? It’s a deal.

  48. 54

    Now listen, Mr Ouagadougou. However much you may try to convince us that you’re the Prime Minister of the UK, we know you’re a Nigerian scammer, and we’re not going to send you £10 million by Western Union transfer just because you claim to be running a bankrupt party that’s desperately in need of election finance because it ran out of donors. Have you thought of trying Northern Rock?

  49. 55
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Banker forgets to make an O with his thumb and first finger before shaking his hand at Gordon

  50. 56
    Stu says:

    BTW Guido, who’s Simon Hughes?

    • 71

      Simon Hughes is someone who was going to join the Ecology Party, but wanted to be elected more than anything else in the world. And that’s a fact.

  51. 57
    Lincolnshire Squire says:

    Buddy, can you spare a dime?

  52. 58
    Sir William Waad says:

    “My deficit’s bigger than yours so THERE!”

  53. 59

    The saviour of the world and great leader of the people meets the world’s shrewdest investment banker.

    Oh, sorry, it should be:
    The saviour of turds and great bleeder of the people meets the world’s crookedest investment w**ker.

  54. 60
    Evan Mor Anonymous says:

    Do you think they will hang me from a lamppost first, before they hang you?

  55. 62
    Gordon Bong Eyed Brown says:

    ere gis a job

  56. 63
    Cynic says:

    Im going to make a career in public speaking after the election. The title will be ‘How I learned to love the banks and still fucked it up’. Fancy doing a duet?

    Of course the pay isn’t as good as Tony’s but so far I have one booking for Auchetrmuctie Village Hall on the 24th of May. Its £30, a packet of wine gums and a free fish supper (small size chips, vinegar extra). Peter says I will go down a treat.

  57. 64
    Record Breakers says:

    Little did they know in 2004 that one man would break the bank and the other the country. Or did they?

  58. 65
    Max the Impaler says:

    What do you mean ‘you’re auctioning your shorts ?’

  59. 66
    woodenspoon says:

    Im not bailing you out as well

  60. 67
    GB says:

    No, no, I’m the only gay in the village.

  61. 69

    “Strange. We were expecting to meet someone called A. Right-Hoon.”

  62. 70
    Postal Vote says:

    You guys can pay the stamp for your postal vote, can’t you?

  63. 72
    Aristander of Telmissus says:

    Listen, ‘big Dick’ , you’re just a wee numpty American amatoor. You just stand back’n’wait’n’see. I’m gonnae lose a fucken sight more than you could ever dream of. Keep oota my way, an’ watch a fucken master at wurrrk.

  64. 76
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Hey – how do you do that with your hand?”

  65. 77
    We're all doomed says:

    I agree with Nick

  66. 79
    Anonymous says:

    No, I don’t always keep my trousers tucked into my socks, why do you ask?

  67. 82
    someone in the know says:

    Theres a article thats very Interesting about the lehmans duo on truthseeker.com

  68. 83
    Terrible But True says:

    Give me money and I’ll get you a job modding for the BBC. It’s worth it.

  69. 84

    Didn’t you appear in one of those videos I saw at Jacqui’s?

  70. 85
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    You want to borrow how much?

  71. 86
    Fifer says:

    Ah so your looking for cheap gold. Dale with be along in a minute.

  72. 87
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    No, when Charles Clarke said he thought you were a complete merchant banker…..

  73. 88
    Nigel S says:

    Your disguises are brilliant, none of them can see that you’re really lizards. I’m still having trouble getting mine to fit properly.

  74. 89
    Fifer says:

    Oh my, fancy meeting you two in the job centre. Goldman Sachs and Merril Lynch will be along in a minute.

  75. 90

    “I am the most repellent human being there has ever been, ever., No, really, I am. THE worst, most pointless, most dishonest, most corrupt, most selfish, vicious, malicious, treasonous piece of shit ever to walk the earth. Oh and did I mention I’m thick as shit too? Astonishingly dim. I have an IQ of 175 my pretend wife told me, but I can’t tie my own shoelaces or count a child’s fingers. Did I mention my paymasters were going to give me a cushy job in retirement, in return for destroying England and murdering thousands of Iraqis and Afghans? Thats’ the kind of poisonous shit I am, but it’s all in a good cause you know. Oh yes, it doesn’t matter how many hundreds of millions of people socialism kills, we’ll keep on believing it’s the *good* political philosophy – why, so long as you agree with everything your socialist pals say, they won’t kill you! Can’t say fairer than that can you? Did I mention that even in scottish labour, the most corrupt aspect of th emost corrupt party in the most corrupt country in europe, I’m widely accliamed as the fucking bentest of the lot. OH, and I just remembered, I’m going to get fewer votes than any other labour leader has ever done, and I’m STILL going to be PM – and the BBC thinks I’m just great too! People say I sold my soul – I never actually had one. Hail satan.”

  76. 91
    Anonymous says:

    “Did I tell you I’ve opened one of these before. I think the company was called Enron, or something like that.”

  77. 92
    Mojofury says:

    You ruined your company and I ruined my country – snap

  78. 93

    Gordon was unsure which he preferred – Lehman action or a bit of Greek.
    Either way he was fucked.

    Interesting Business Week comparison of Lehman Brothers and the Greeks here

  79. 94
    David Cameron says:

    A lack of regulation allowed the bankers to run riot and defraud the public by welching on their debts which has left the taxpayer picking up the bankers’ debts yet the bankers are still withdrawing unjustified and excessive wages and bonuses which is against the interests of the general economy and causes inflation but I think that’s okay.
    I agree with Gordon Brown.

    • 100
      Mojofury says:

      Good point,

      But bash the bankers and they will leave, its not like there sat on huge piles of bank notes, electronic business is as easily conducted in London as it is in Paris, Dubai or New York.

      They will by their very nature go to where banking and tax regulations suit, and by my reckoning they appear to be one of the only productive areas we have left. So lets go and bash them and lose the tax revenues that have propped this Government up for the last 13 years.

      • 141
        Wee Jimmy says:

        Just bash them a bit and see what happens.
        Dubai, Paris, and the like, even New York, won’t be as keen as mad Broon to allow casino banking to dominate and jeopardise their economies.

    • 116
      Sir William Waad says:

      We need the bankers to feed Labour’s spending addiction. It’s quite natural for an addict to hate his dealer, but as long as Gordon’s dependent on bankers for his daily half-billion fix he can’t upset them too much.

    • 245
      Anonymous says:

      The aim of the regulation was to create as much debt as possible so it could be taxed.

      This inevitable bust was deliberately regulated into existence. Bankers payoff were bonuses during the “boom”, however these bonuses are dwarfed by the tax on the credit.

  80. 95
    Arch Stanton says:

    Be fair I almost got it right,

    I did abolish Boom, now about that Job?

  81. 98
    Sir Reginald Titbrain. says:

    This is no time for a sound-bite, but I feel the hand of destiny on my shoulder.

  82. 101
    Prime Mentalist says:

    No really some people out there still trust me.

  83. 102
    Gordon Brown says:

    “You’ve been Jonah’ed”

  84. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Gordon Brown: Get real. I’ve put an end to boom and bust.

  85. 105
    Gordon Brown says:

    Then: “I agree with Dick”

    Now: “Get real Dick”

  86. 106
    John Bull says:

    Brothers in arms

  87. 107
    The IMF is coming says:

    So if I sell you some gold at knockdown prices you will lend me some money?
    How about £50k cash to go into my top drawer?

  88. 108
    John Bull says:

    Banker:

    ‘Tell ‘em you’re the boss Gordon – they’re dumb enough to fucking believe it’.

  89. 109
    John Bull says:

    Snakes and Lizards

  90. 110
    Tapestry says:

    BROWN – I need to fund the government”s spending with a secret bail-out of GBP 300 billion. No one will find out until after the election of course. I take it you’re interested?

    LEHMANS – Yes. We are. But right now Gordon we need a secret bail-out of US$3 trillion ourselves. If you could just lend it to us for a week.

    BROWN – OK. Deal. I’ll have a word with RBS.

    (money never seen again. Brown has to print the money to bail out RBS)

  91. 111
    Anonymous says:

    Brown : “Big Issue” ?

  92. 112
    John Bull says:

    Bankers

    ‘ Fuck the taxpayers – we’re having our bonuses or its the grassy knoll treatment for you, you sapless, one eyed c’unt’.

  93. 113
    Tinker Bell says:

    Gordon Brown, the right one to RUIN the country!!!

    • 120
      Gordon of the iron Fist and the watering eyes. says:

      Because the EUSSR said it’s the right thing to do!!

      • 148
        David Cameron says:

        I agree with Gordon Brown that we should let the EU boss us about.

        • 286
          Gordo Mandlebum says:

          And give us a good whipping and fisting just for good measure. Oh heaven is the EU!!! More More More!!! As long as I’m paid my dues!!

  94. 117
    Gordon Brown says:

    You know I ended boom and bust ?

    I wish you well with your future endeavours

  95. 118
    Tom says:

    Brown says:
    “So you guys take down the banking system, I’ll steal money from the tax payers to bail it out. ”

    “My job is to create sovereign fiscal crises so that the IMF can step in and take over the world”.

    “The world goverment treasury job will surely be mine for obedience to our master, Moloch. Soon the world will be enslaved in debt and our mission will be complete.”

    “Muhahahahahahahahahaha!”.

  96. 119
    simon r says:

    I like men, and you are two of them.

  97. 121
    John Bull says:

    I am my Brother’s keeper

  98. 122
    John Bull says:

    Cain and unable

  99. 124
    Anonymous says:

    What are we going to do if the tories cut our bus passes , you must stop this now Gordon.

    oh and watch this…..

  100. 125
    Man With A Very Hot Bladder says:

    Brown: “Ten million quid and a seat on the board and you can have any legislation you want.”

  101. 128
    Two birds with one stone says:

    “I thought he was shameless … I thought it was appalling. He blamed everyone … He blamed everybody but himself.”

    • 137
      Adios El Gordo says:

      I know. As much as I disagree wtih most of what Miliband says when he was talking after the debate I couldn’t help thinking he was PM material – the labour party stuck with gordon and therefore placed themselves in third place.

  102. 129
    Conservative Central Headquarters This Morning says:

  103. 131
    Nick B says:

    “You guys are geniuses.. I’ve based the UK’s fiscal policy on your tenets of wisdom!”

  104. 133
    Adios El Gordo says:

    terrifying – life under Gordon

    “…..That is why we must build a massive database of people’s internet surfing habits so that we have the essential tools we need to pre-emptively stop crime and terrorism and extremism. We are also linking this up with other databases like the National Identity Register, the National DNA database, the NHS medical records database, the motorist journey database, and the local council’s lifestyle database to provide a flexible and powerful system in the hands of government that the public can trust to deliver vital equality.

    Soon we will have CCTV not in every street but in every home, and the freedom to be secure with implanted microchips for all”

    http://gordon-brown.blogspot.com/

  105. 140
    FarmerGiles says:

    See this tie.. I stole it from Dave’s changing room last night .

  106. 142
    Anonymous says:

    “Just to clarify, nobody will find out?” ………… “OK, let’s do it.”

  107. 144
    Brownian Motions says:

    OK Gordon, I’ll explain it one last time. If I have an apple in my left hand and an apple in my right hand and I eat one of them, how many apples do I have left?

  108. 149
    Gordon Brown says:

    You say it Started in America? I must remember that, it mayl come in useful one day.

  109. 151
    lusakajoe says:

    O/T Despite the headlines there is serious criticism of Ed Balls in the Shoesmith judgment – see paras 43-48 http://www.judiciary.gov.uk/docs/judgments_guidance/shoesmith-summary.pdf

  110. 152
    Garment industry says:

    Oy vey, you call that a suit already?

  111. 153
    Wee Jimmy says:

    I’ll just say, “I didn’t authorise it”.

  112. 154
    Jethro says:

    Lay-men, you say?
    That sound good to me.

  113. 156
    Tit Jugglers says:

    Tell us Gordon. Does Sarah have two handfuls like this?

  114. 157
    I need help says:

    A meeting of the three wise men.

  115. 158
    Leaky pipes says:

    I hear you do the best handjob in the City

  116. 160
    domino316 says:

    Gordon: “Och I see £6 billion ooot a pokat for they gold and £6 billion bak fay the NI increase…hoots mon that means I havna spent a penny…tee hee “spent a penny”

    Lehman One “Incontinent C*nt”
    Lehman Two “Incompetent C*nt”

  117. 161
    idonotbelieveit says:

    Listen Gordon, boom and bust is just so last century, if you want to a healthy economy you must adopt Basil Brush economics – Boom Boom

  118. 162
    The Moron says:

    Gi’ us a kuss!

    Ma’ lips ar’ achin’ fae a kuss!

  119. 163
    domino316 says:

    So which one of you is David and which is Nick, you look different since last weeks debate.

  120. 164
    Old Archer. says:

    It starts here.

  121. 165
    Leaky pipes says:

    Brown is in Coventry meeting real people. The retard is actually reading from a cue card/sheet out of view. What a fake.

    • 178
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      Brown sent to Coventry, that i can believe. He’ll wreak more havoc than the Luftwaffe did.

  122. 166
    Anonymous says:

    Brown: “One day people will thank us for creating and sharing so much wealth, happiness and goodness for all of our employees and voters. Your powers of wealth creation and my vision of social justice is what binds us two great men together.”
    Fuld: “Hey man, got a banana?”

    • 175
      Twat says:

      He is really annoying me. The twat is re writing History It is the Tories who took us into recession not him and I’m sure his audience believes him

  123. 168
    The Useless Twat, trying to impress says:

    I’ve got a colleague who’s keen on boys in short trousers.

    And he always comes from behind,

    I should know.

  124. 169

    spare a talent for an old ex-leper

    • 173
      Old ex-leper says:

      Now what am I supposed to do?

      He just healed me! Not so much as a by-your-leave!

  125. 170
    domino316 says:

    Gordon: I thought you said I was investing the countries gold in Greek Antiquities, not Greek Equities.

    or:

    Hi my names Gordon and I’m a Bankrupt-aholic !!

  126. 171
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Brooon and Bust Meet Prudence !

  127. 174
    Freudian slip? says:

    The Bruun talked about “us knowing what abuse was like” last night. Gordon, is there something in your past that you would like to out?

  128. 176
    Penfold says:

    Now that’s one piece of history that the Prime Mentalist, even in his most Stalinlite mode can’t airbrush from the annals of history. A picture tells a story and this is one that will be retold again and again and again and again.

    Jonah’s reach seems to be to quite far, he’s worse than the Black Death.

  129. 177
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    I’m sorry the job of lavatorial hygiene technician on the 18th floor
    has been taken Mr Brown !

  130. 181
    Lost causes says:

    There is Gorgon in a motor repairs workshop telling them he is going to create low carbon jobs, the electric car. None of them understood that the internal combustion apprenticeships they were doing would be useless

    • 186
      Twat says:

      One of them Did. So Gordon said he would retrain him.

      Only Gordon would be stupid enough tell a group of diesel fitters that their trade was on the way out and he was going to throw all their taxes at making Battery cars

      • 261

        When the lights are going out and we have a 3 day week because the silly bastards haven’t renewed any generating plant for the past decade, we’ll be glad of a few diesel fitters – even if we can’t afford to import the oil, the engines will still run on chip fat and home generation will be the preserve of the well prepared.

        I give it about 4 years until the situation is serious enough to justify building your own home generator just for energy security, so start planning now.

    • 187
      Leaky pipes says:

      I don’t they understood the concept.

  131. 182
    amongomous says:

    Fuck the caption comp i’m going on the piss just like guido and his staff have done.

  132. 183
    Geordieboy says:

    Invest in the Labour Party it’s the right thing to do.

  133. 185
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    BROWN ! ” YOUR FIRED” Since you started here last week the only money we have left is in the fucking petty cash tin

  134. 188
    lolol says:

    Of course I told those young ones in Conventry a load of lieing garbage,I couldn’t tell them they would be paying high taxes for the rest of their lives and won’t be able to afford even a tent but if I told the truth you lot and my lot wouldn’t be able to get our heads in the pig trough

  135. 189
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Brown you said you were good with numbers
    so you can start monday as the lift atendant !

  136. 190
    Cocklecarrot says:

    Gi’us a job

  137. 192
    Tapestry says:

    The Polish Plane Crash was an orchestrated coup d’etat to crush the Polish opposition, who wanted to keep the Zloty, and maintain a military alliance with America.

    All the world’s heads of state failed to make it to Kaczynski’s funeral – Obama, Merkel, Sarkozy, Prince Charles all cancelled at the last minute. Merkel could have driven to Krakow from Berlin in three hours.

    The guy who shot the video recording the use of a small calibre handgun to kill the survivors of the plane has himself been murdered.

    Many of those said to have died on the plane were not there. They were murdered in Poland that day and delivered to the crash site.

    Poland will now lose the Zloty and present no risk to Russia, whose economy is disintegrating, and whose military strength is surging.

    Nick Clegg the total idiot wants to get rid of Trident. We should be rapidly re-arming now. There is a serious threat growing on our doorstep.

    LINK.

    • 258
      Ted Bundy says:

      Oh no not another conspiracy theory Looney tune. Do us all a favour repost this crap onto labourlist they are far more susceptible to infantile fantasy then the punters who post here. In fact think up a few more and post them there as well. How about Gordon Brown is an alien? Go on let your fertile imagination run right but please leave us alone.

      • 289
        Tapestry says:

        Ted Bundy has made up his mind, but has he looked at the evidence?

        I wish it was imagination which sent all of Poland’s free-thinking nationalists to their deaths.

        1000 people are viewing this every hour. I can safely say it will be seen by millions of people within a month from now. Watch it, Ted.

  138. 194
    lolol says:

    Told you soon as Cameron mentions climate change and being green people go to sleep

  139. 196
    lolol says:

    Ot Listening to Cambo is like listening to Brown both full of sh*te and lies,would you buy used gold from either of them, not a cat in hells chance

    • 198
      fagin says:

      I’ll buy gold from anyone if the price is right..currently the scrap men are paying more than cash4gold etc.

  140. 197
    Peter says:

    NO Gordon it’s “ORANGE you glad I am not going to be running the country after May 7th”

  141. 199
    Greychatter says:

    We transfered your’s and Tony’s Blind Trusts before we trashed everyone elses investments – yours is in an Onshore account in North Korea.

  142. 201
    Sell BrAun says:

    Sell Gold you say?

  143. 202
    streamfisher says:

    Gotta be time for a Barclays (wank).

  144. 205
    Nothing Doing says:

    What is going on? Not one canvasser has been near me. Not a single election leaflet from any party has come through my letterbox. Does my MP expect to just get reelected? Is anyone standing against him? You would think not .

  145. 206
    Sarah Brown says:

    “Dick, just let me say that you & I are winners – we get the big decisions right!”

    • 208
      Vote LibLabCon get EU says:

      I see Camersnide stuck his English hat on as soon as he saw he was losing the Europhile vote.Donning it for the outing is not going to work though. It’s easy to see it for the sham act it is.

  146. 207
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Mr Brown We do have an opening for an advertising executive

    Well this is a field in which i have great expertise

    Well we could put out a leaflet saying

    RBS abuse your children and
    Barclays poison your pets
    HBOS will shut down your local school
    and Nat West burn down hospitals!

  147. 209
    Staffy says:

    the b & p.s manifesto is out and about and it is a beaut. Guido does not allow any linking so get it yourselves, its not hard to find if you stay away from the msm

    • 269

      We can’t vote for that – it all makes sense!

      Just downloaded all 94 pages (got to be a Private Eye in-joke going on there), and will read it properly just to satisfy myself that there is one party that appears to have a clue, despite all evidence to the contrary.

      Apart from the Muslim bashing, most of the policies could have come from either of the main parties circa 1950 – and it is that sort of rebuilding and reconstruction that the country needs after 13 years of destruction under Neues Arbeit.

      I might even consider not spoiling my ballot this time, for the first election in 27 years.

  148. 210
    Gordon Bong Eyed Brown says:

    The guy doesn’t have a fucking scooby doo he just minces from place to place talking bollocks.

    If only someone gave him a few fucking hidings when he was younger and hit home the point until he knew he was one of lifes failures instead of living a sheltered life with everyone pretending to like him out of sympathy for his disability.

    He has always been a cocky shit because people have let him get away with it because of his disability.

  149. 211
    Natty Express says:

    Was the 13 k per seat coach a con then? Gorgon has not been on it so what was it all about?

    • 253
      Wee Jimmy says:

      The point was to allow Al-Jabeeba a legal means of contributing directly to Labour coffers.

  150. 213
    EyeSee says:

    “I heard someone talking the other day about ‘balancing the books’. Either of you ever heard of that? No, nor me”

  151. 214
    Anonymous says:

    Who is this one eyed Scottish idiot?

  152. 216
    David Cameron says:

    I agree with Gordon Brown on nuclear weapons.

  153. 217
    England England England says:

    This is exactly the stuff I wanted to hear from the conservatives. So why are the only party that is standing up for England being portrayed like the Nazi party. read it and make up your own mind.
    http://tinyurl.com/2u2vxal

    • 232
      better Solutions says:

      You can see why they are demonised after you read the manifesto. They are a very serious threat to the corrupt MP’s and bankers. I like the Glass-Steagall law they would bring in to separate my savings from the gambling side of banking.

    • 235
      Anonymous says:

      Their manifesto has everything I want.

      • 249
        Longbow says:

        you can understand though, that guido’s handlers would never allow him to dare mention such a common sense manifesto

  154. 218
    purpleline says:

    Yes Gordon I am known as the Gorilla, yes I have wacked a few bankers in my time but, even I have not pulled a secretary off her chair and thrown a Nokia at her you wife beating cruel bastard, you deserve to be in an institution namely a mental institution you mad fuickwit.

  155. 219
    Boomer Bust says:

    Welcome to the fold Brother Brown,an ego of biblical proportions is just what we need.

  156. 221
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Behave yourselves, sons. You remind me of two squabbling party leaders . . .

  157. 222
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Gentlemen, for £10,000 I can get you an interview with Guido Fawkes.”

  158. 223
    streamfisher says:

    The Banking fraternity…Heard the Downfall spoofs are being pulled from You Tube over copyright issues, don’t what the problem is with all that free publicity, Dinosaurs just don’t get it. Last chance?

  159. 225
    michael says:

    BEHIND YOU!!!

  160. 226
    Pampers Broon says:

    Do you want to come and play on ma rocking horse?

    Ye can even do a wee jobby if ye want.

  161. 228

    Blimey, a financier on TV has just said that if you lump the National debt of Portugal Greece and Spain together it still comes to less than the UK’s. Gulp!

    • 234
      labour are nazis says:

      They will be sent to one of the re-education camps for the crime of ‘talking down the economy and risking the economic recovery’ then.

    • 254
      Ramjam Chucklebutty says:

      A mate of mine was at a ‘do’ the other night with Michael Portillo as after dinner speaker.

      According to MP, all parties have privately accepted that around 250,000 civil service jobs have to go asap after the election and VAT is going up to at least 20%

      • 256

        250,000 is easily acheived, 400,000 are naturally vacated every year so withing a parliament of 5 years around 2.5 million public sector jobs cut sounds possible to me.

        But If I were Cameron I’d start with the BBC just for a bit of fun.

  162. 231
    forthurst says:

    Dick, I would like you to recommend me to the Nobel Prize Committee for saving the world which I think is more or less the same as saving the planet, vide Al Gore.
    I for my part will recommend you for the economics prize for establishing the paradoxical new paradigm, namely, that the wealth and wellbeing of bankers is the sole purpose of all global economic activity.

    • 237
      Bang & Busted says:

      Don’t forget bankers cause wars then fund both sides, that in itself should be enough to have them before a court and a firing squad.

    • 270
      forthurst says:

      That wouldn’t work unfortunately. Have you seen who is selecting the judiciary and wearing the wigs, these days?

  163. 233
    Ampers says:

    Which three are the wankers?

  164. 238
    Gordon Bong Eyed Brown says:

    Three blind mice, three blind mice,
    See how they run, see how they run,
    They all ran after the milk and honey,
    And now the world has run out of money,
    Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
    As three blind mice?

  165. 242
    Twat a Fuckwit when you see one says:

    Brown, “I’m going to Twat you, you Fuckwit.
    Other, “Not before I’ve Twatted you, ya Jock Fuckwit.
    other+1 “And there’s two of us to Twat you ya jock Fuckwit”

  166. 243
    dom316 says:

    Gordon: I thought you said I was investing the countries gold in Greek Antiquities, not Greek Equities.

    or:

    Hi my names Gordon and I’m a Bankrupt-aholic !!

  167. 246
    Alex Burmester says:

    “Thank you for your advice on how to save the world after you’ve sunk it!”

  168. 247
  169. 252
    Anonymous says:

    Fuld: I’m going to fuck them all for $billions

    Brown: Amateur – I do that daily

  170. 255
    a future fucked for all says:

    gordon: so we’ll hide it under the carpet then?

    fuld: hey buddy…it’s what we do.all for just $100 million in fees…….

    those other limeys will never know!

    ______________________________________________

    I AM FOOKIN SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE BOLLOCKS THAT BROWN SPEWS …..
    AND IS ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH!!!!!!!!!

    £6 BILLION HERE OR THERE.SO WHAT????????????

    £6 billion ‘taken out’ will wreck the economy??????

    WHAT ABOUT THE £££££££TRILLIONS THAT HAVE BEEN TAKEN BY 110+ EFFING TAX RISES AND NI INCREASES OVER THE LAST 13 YEARS THEN?????

    doesn’t anyone understand this in westminster??????????

  171. 257
    Wing Commander says:

    Gis us a job

  172. 259
    Friday Joker says:

    Q: How do you annoy Heather Mills?

    A: Nick Clegg

  173. 264
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Brown: “I’ve sold Britain’s gold reserves before the price drops”

  174. 268
    Anonymous says:

    OK so i’ll relas controls on the city as long as you offer me a job as an adviser.

  175. 272
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Want to buy some gold?’

    or

    ‘Can you do me a mortgage on my new houses…….I get free cleaning’

  176. 273
    Brown is a c**t says:

    Gordon, can you not just fuck off…..

  177. 274
    Anonymous says:

    ‘So you’re the guy in charge of Englaland? Why aren’t you English?’

  178. 275

    Thanks for popping in, guys. I’ll need a couple more crooks to join my hung-parliament cabinet.

  179. 276
    Anonymous says:

    ‘What do you mean that gobshite Blair is your new special adviser? I thought that was kept for me?’

  180. 277
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Don’t worry if it goes tits-up. I kept a couple of gold bars under the bed’

  181. 278
    Anonymous says:

    ‘So your brother does the cleaning for you? Can he pop round to my mansion?’

  182. 279
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Mr Brown…….Comrade Putin here is very interested in your Ministry of Truth operating procedures’

  183. 280
    King Mong says:

    Just go over that bit slowly again – you know the bit about how to fiddle numbers to make all your debts go away!!!

  184. 281
    Garyudson says:

    And which one is the Lemon?

  185. 282
    john miller says:

    “But if you’re brothers, why don’t you look the same. Most people look the same to me, but you only look slightly the same. Do you want to see me smile? Should I do that here? By the way where are we? Where’s Ed? Ask him to bring the special pants. Don’t tell anyone I said any of this. My son is six. That’s not his number, that’s how old he is. How old are you? But if you’re brothers…”

    OK total fail as a caption competition entry, but I bet it’s what he really, really said. Honest.

  186. 283
    Colonel Nut. says:

    “We think you’ll be in the brown substance soon.”
    “Thanks.That’s a term I can make use of.”

  187. 284
    Fred Badwin says:

    You’re Dick and I’m Brown. If we got married then your name would be …

  188. 285
    John Galt says:

    It’s a long story. Prudence dumped me back in 2000 because I kept pestering her for some post neo-classical indiginous growth theory. But then I met Sarah…

  189. 288
    Calamity Clegg says:

    It’s 23rd April: it’s St. George’s Day:

    I say Britain has delusions of grandeur.

    • 291
      Colonel Nut says:

      We’ve got the best cacti collections in Europe,easily beating the Germans, thanks to you Cleggy.

  190. 290
    Fred Badwin says:

    I was there at the time. Couldn’t quite believe Gordon could be so smarmy towards investment banks. It was like the time he sucked up to Maggie. Something false and at the same time creepy about it.

    Also Fuld was a well known psycho within Lehman. Just look at him in the photo. He was like a thug, always tensed up and brimming with agression.

    I remember when we went casual in 1999 – no more ties – this was a side effect of the dot com boom when casual meant cool. Then the dot com boom ended in 2000 we were back to suits and ties. Fuld at our annual meeting in London threatened horrible injuries to anyone not wearing a tie thereafter. He thought that a tie and a jacket meant that we would have better discipline and risk management. What an idiot. His stupid attempt to catch up with Goldman Sachs meant that he wagered the whole firm on it and we all know what happened. What a tosser.

    Glad I got out before the shit hit the fan.

    • 292
      Colonel Nut says:

      Fuld is the ugly face of obscene capitalist greed.Somebody should have grabbed him by the tie and nutted him in the mouth.

  191. 293
    Harry says:

    GB: “You’re like my two little boys at bathtime…” oh, wait I’ve used that one already…

  192. 294
    arf says:

    Gordo: Hey, I’m a Dick too!

  193. 296
    Dudley South says:

    “Men, and you are two of them…..”

  194. 297
    Anonymous says:

    lol jeremy isaacs

  195. 298
    YokshireLad says:

    PM – “And are you morally bankrupt? Ah, sorry you ARE bankrupt.”

  196. 299
    Klingon Breath says:

    LB: Hope your CV is up to date Jonah
    GB: Uhhhhhh! I’ll need a laptop for that – can I borrow yours mine seems to be faulty again?

    or

    GB: hey guys any tips on writing CVs?
    LB: I’m sure your creative ability will stand in good stead – but Just don’t mention Boom and Bust. If it comes to the interview try and answer at least one question

  197. 301
    Obeservant says:

    Women- and you’re one of them.

  198. 302
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    ‘Gissa job, Jimmy. It’s the right thing to do.’


Seen Elsewhere

Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
Dave Stung by Jellyfish | Sun
City Minister’s Inheritance Tax Dodging Trusts | Indy
What I Would Have Done if I was Sarah Wollaston | Iain Dale
Boris is an Epic Europhile | Louise Mensch
Warsi Got PM to Confront “Secular Fundamentalism” | Fraser Nelson
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Labour’s Left and Right are Growing Restive | Staggers


new-advert
Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)


Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads