April 22nd, 2010

Balls Upsets the Townsfolk

It’s an increasingly tight race in Morley and Outwood and Ed Balls is getting desperate. Punters give the Tories a 47% chance of taking the seat. Last weekend the town turned out for its annual St George’s day celebration. Despite an unofficial ban on politicking, guess who put in an appearance, keen to get some local flavour onto his website…

First he muscled his way into a photo with the Mayoress of Morley, ignoring pleas to keep things non-political and exclaiming, “Do you know who I am? I’m the Secretary of State!” Then he further endeared himself to locals by crashing the reception in the town hall, where he was heard talking through the religious ceremony.

His electioneering was so brazen that independent council members organising the event decided to invite his opponent Antony Calvert to balance things out. To cap things off, as the townsfolk began to head to the parade ground, Balls decided he’d rather not make the short walk himself and barreled his way into the Leeds’ Mayoress’ car. Her elderly husband was forced to walk, but at least Balls got his photo op.


265 Comments

  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    What a Hunt.

  2. 2
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Oh to be there when Balls loses his seat. Are they sellling tickets?

  3. 3
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Portillo moment coming up.

    Nobody deserves it more than this malignant, authoritarian, bullying shit

  4. 4
    mandybum says:

    goggle eyed dork get down the jobcentre pal

  5. 5
    oooooer says:

    what a delight to see this piece of squit ousted on the 6th….creepy two faced scumbag and the ascerbic tartlet yvette both make you puke

  6. 6
    Outlier says:

    What a complete arrogant wanker!

  7. 7
    Cogito Dexter says:

    I don’t care what else happens at the election, if Balls gets his comeuppance I shall be cheering at the top of my voice. The man is a disgrace.

    http://cogitodexter.wordpress.com

  8. 8

    The photo would suggest Ed is singularly gifted in the middle wicket department: a veritable tripod. No wonder Yvette’s scalp appears to be being pushed up from the inside.

  9. 9
    Edwin Bollocks, - The NeoEndogenous Numpty says:

    It’s my only hope now, – now that I’ve been ousted by Gorgon’s New ToyBoy.

    And all I have to fall back on is Evadne – and she’s humping a journo, – or being chased by the DarkLord.

    Even my arse doesn’t fit around now.

    After all I’ve done!

    St George!

    Still I could get on my knees and give favours to these knees.

  10. 10
    The elephant in the room is John Prescott says:

    Labour outraged at having to share the election with other parties. They long for the good old days of the Red Flag…. with a hammer and sickle on it. The Pigs look very much like the farmers these days.

  11. 11
    jdennis_99 says:

    Balls Out. Please.

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Bloody typical!

  13. 13
    Adelaide Boy says:

    What a Fucker but now unemployable.

  14. 14
    Gordon Blog says:

    But I was interested this afternoon, when I was leaving a garden visit we’d done at a Labour supporters house, to find that a local Tory had gathered two friends and a rather reluctant looking teenager to come and wave their blue placards, and one said to the other “These are most expensive houses in Cardiff so I can’t believe HE’s here.” I had rather hoped we’d moved on from the sort of politics, where people were supposed to pick a party based on their income levels and not their values. I hope it’s not a sign of Tory campaigning tactics to come!

    http://www2.labour.org.uk/the-debate-about-jobs

  15. 15
    Lord G says:

    I do so hope he gets booted out… A total cock; perhaps we can skin him and roll him in salt?

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Ed Balls – the only person who is fucking worse than Brown.

  17. 17
    Bye Bye Balls says:

    This excrement – the product of Gordon Brown’s arse – will be out on 7th May and will have been an MP for just 5 years.

    Balls = H*immler
    Brown = H*itler

    And we know what happened to them.

    Utter scum

  18. 18
    Bloke outside Gorgon's 'jobby' centre says:

    you mean the fucker is gonna get dole?

  19. 19
    John from Hull says:

    Smallest cock in the commons I’ve heard

  20. 20

    No, I think that spot will for ever be Michael Foot’s.

  21. 21
    quiller says:

    He’s a Nazi and not in a good way.

  22. 22
    A wonderful pair says:

    They are two lumps of crap on the pavement,festering and rotting.

    Brown and Balls
    Sarah & Yvette

    Says it all.

  23. 23
    Tracy Temple says:

    I know you can’t see your but take it from me it’s harder to imagine one much smaller than your flaccid acorn

  24. 24
    Statistical Anomaly says:

    Why are shit labour leaders named after parts of the body? Balls, Foot, Brown?

    I’ve just invented a new part of the body – “Brown”. It describes the rectum, for most folks, but is also a colloquial terms used to describe a Brazilian fist.

  25. 25
    mandybum says:

    they arent aware that they have become the old tories

  26. 26
    PM says:

    I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. Is there a politician more detested?

  27. 27
    Simon Cowell's sheepdog Piers Morgan says:

    Licking my balls then my Brown arse!

  28. 28
    The Dirty Rat says:

    St. George’s Day. 23rd April (Friday) Were they having a dummy run?

  29. 29
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    C Men

    What is happening, 5 days late with the story?
    Need to do better.

    I fear your libertarian iconoclast mask is slipping and all we are left with is a Tory hack, plastic paddy with an un-natural need for big strong black man as a surrogate father figure.

    Any thoughts?

  30. 30
    Statistical Anomaly says:

    If Morley does indeed turn into a portillo moment, what’s the odds that the 7 May headline in the Sun is:

    “BALLS OUT”

    ?

  31. 31
    Big Dave says:

    i just saw nigel griffiths driving round the corner of west mayfield/mayfield road at 12.34pm holding a mobile phone to his mouth using his left hand and yapping away. laws don’t apply to him i guess

  32. 32
    Paddy Ashdownbutnotout says:

    Is that Sarah Tweet-Beard’s sister on the left, she looks like she has the same genetics ie. legs?!!

  33. 33
    AC1 says:

    Hello Tat. How’s YOUR blog? Got a job yet?

  34. 34
    he's fucked says:

    he either get’s humiliated in the General Election or gets humiliated in the Leadership Election
    either way he’s well and truly fucked

    but the swing needed for the Tories to win Morley is huge, so I’d bet on him getting shafted in the Leadership contest as being Browns ‘chosen one’ is going to be political poison after May 6th

  35. 35
    Balls is an evil, slimy fucking cunt says:

    Is it wrong to wish an early death on a fellow human being? Yes. So it’s just as well that Balls isn’t a human being.

  36. 36
    Deset Rat says:

    PRICK

  37. 37
    AC| says:

    Hello Tat. How’s YOUR blog? Got a job yet?

  38. 38
    I'd like to suck Nadine Dorries's tits says:

    I hope Cameron’s learnt from last week’s debate and sticks the knife in tonight. No more softly softly. He needs to make a persistent and intense attack on Brown to provoke his famous temper live on TV.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Parp says:

    who stole Liam Fox’s Laptop with dave’s debate notes on it ?

  41. 41
    Statistical Anomaly says:

    Why modded guido?

  42. 42
    Nozik says:

    Ballocks out and cough up!

  43. 43

    Its a Political football

    GK – Safe pair of hands – Alistair Darling
    Left Back in the bus – Jacqui Smith
    Right Back out of sight – John Prescott
    Centre Backer – Lord Ashcroft
    Sweeper up – Caroline Flint

    Centre Half-wit – Hilary Benn
    Defensive bureaucratic minefielder – Herman Van Rumpoy
    Left Winger – Tony Benn
    Right Winger – Nick Griffon

    Second Striker – Arthur Scargill
    Centre Forehead – David Cameron

    Sub-normals
    Balls
    Byers
    Hoon
    Hewitt
    Brown
    McNulty

    Suspended
    Devine
    Morley
    Chaytor

    Referee – BBC
    Commentator – Sky Sports

    If match is a draw after extra time – Labour wins.

  44. 44
    Throbber says:

    Ed Balls, once a cock sucking piss bag of a fuckwit always a cock sucking piss bag of a fuckwit.

  45. 45
    Statistical Anomaly says:

    Perhaps it was end*sment…

    Anyway, looks who’s backing Dave:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/mar/04/robert-mugabe-david-cameron-conservatives

    What’s the message? Vote Dave, get Mugabe?

  46. 46
    Harriet Harman says:

    Hello voters! As Gordon will be removed from office on May 7, I’ve started planning my campaign for the Labour leadership. I look forward to becoming the leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition and fighting for YOU, the ordinary hard working British voter, who will be ignored by the next Conservative government. Only Labour wants to help the ordinary man and woman in the street. And with your help, I will win the next election in 2015 and become your prime minister!

  47. 47
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    He wasn’t using the video camera was he?

  48. 48
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Harperson as Prime Menstruator. I want to be sick.

  49. 49

    Ball’s is a Hunt

  50. 50
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Whelan, Hain, Straw – the list is actually pretty long.

  51. 51
    Trust me, I'm a doctor says:

    Interesting… so we medical professionals could now describe a rectal prolapse as a ‘Brown Out’… I like it. I like it a lot.

  52. 52
    Burnley is a labour free zone says:

    If he gets booted to the House of Lords in GB’s honours list, will the headline be BALLS UP?

  53. 53
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Balls is simutaneously the smallest and the biggest cock in the Commons.

  54. 54
    mandybum says:

    harperson must be in the running

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    Quite right m’lady,but please,be polite & remember your manners.

  56. 56
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    Internet shitebag

    You really are lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.
    Is this what you think constitutes political debate?

    Progress for you was giving up green ink and learning to type.
    Away and through shite at yerswelf ya muppet.

  57. 57
    jgm2 says:

    I thought the swing required was fairly modest.

  58. 58
    Susie says:

    On aggregate.

  59. 59
    The last days of Labour says:

    Balls, Brown, Mandelson. Only two bullets.

    Decisions, decisions…

  60. 60
    High Court Enforcemment Ossifer says:

    A word of warning

    High Court clarifies blog libel liability
    Blog owners must leave potentially libellous comments alone until notified that they are breaking the law or risk court punishment, the High Court has ruled.

    Alex Hilton, operator of a Labour Party opinion blog, Labourhome.org, was taken to court by political activist Johanna Kaschke after a site user’s submission accused the activist of roots in terrorism.

    Writer John Gray’s post stated that Ms Kaschke had been arrested in Germany for links with the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group. While not denying that she had been arrested, Ms Kashcke was not adjudged to be a terrorist supporter and sued the site for libel.

    Mr Hilton claimed against the libel charge that, though he ran the site, he did not edit or vet the articles and should qualify for the same protection granted to search engines or ISPs under the E-commerce Directive.

    Regulation 19 exempts information providers, such as ISPs, web hosts and search engines, from liability for the information they store or pass on to users as long as they are not involved in its creation or editing and remove it quickly once notified that it breaks the law.

    But Mr Justice Stadlen ruled that although Mr Hilton had not edited the article, he “exercised some editorial control on parts of the website and in particular on the homepage.”

    During its time on the site, Mr Gray’s article was added to the sites “Recommended” blog list. Upon its entry, the article was given far more detail, including date of upload, pictures and extracts on the homepage.

    These activities, said Mr Justice Stadlen, “went beyond mere storage so that Regulation 19 immunity would not be available in respect of liability for defamatory words appearing on the homepage.”

    Any alteration, even correcting spelling mistakes and punctuation, removes protection under Regualtion 19, the court ruled, meaning Mr Hilton was liable for site content.

    Mr Hilton’s lawyer argued that such drastic measures give operators an “incentive not to monitor their sites with a view to removing offensive material”, but the court rejected the argument and further trails will assess Ms Kaschke’s claims for libel.

    So STOP moderating us Guido

  61. 61
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    How could I forget Hoon, Jacqui 5-bellies, Tessa “mortgage form” Jowell, MacShane, Sion Simon…

  62. 62
    backwoodsman says:

    Yes, f*ck off to labour list , you twat.

  63. 63
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Colostomy bag: “Brown bag”

    Excrement: “Brownian motion”

    Faecal sample: “Brown bottle”

    Anal sex: “Nooky Brown”

    Clingons: “Brownies”

    Fucked economy: “The right thing to do”

  64. 64

    Mentally unstable, limited experience, dodgy husband. Big backers, special interest politicking. not too bright but very manipulative.
    Hattie is the Left’s Sarah Palin.

    Without any of the sex appeal.

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    No need of the jobcentre for him. He has probably got a handful of well paid part time “non-exec” jobs lined up.

  66. 66
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    Rubber coated, thick and sunk beneath 3 miles of water.

    If that is the best you can come up with, don’t bother.
    Consequently away to your darkened room and dream of Scratchy becoming a real man and Sniffy growing up to be Little Lord Fauntleroy.

  67. 67
    High Court Enforcemment Ossifer says:

    Oh Good Alex Hinton of Labouthome.org blog fame is being sued

  68. 68
    I'd like to suck Nadine Dorries's tits says:

    I forgive Nadine Dorries her expense claims. She looks very tasty for a 52 year old and has a cracking pair of norks, perfect for soaping up and lathering your face in them.

  69. 69
    High Court Enforcemment Ossifer says:

    High Court clarifies blog libel liability
    Blog owners must leave potentially libellous comments alone until notified that they are breaking the law or risk court punishment, the High Court has ruled.

    Alex Hilton, operator of a Labour Party opinion blog, Labourhome.org, was taken to court by political activist Johanna Kaschke after a site user’s submission accused the activist of roots in terrorism.

    Writer John Gray’s post stated that Ms Kaschke had been arrested in Germany for links with the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group. While not denying that she had been arrested, Ms Kashcke was not adjudged to be a terrorist supporter and sued the site for libel.

    Mr Hilton claimed against the libel charge that, though he ran the site, he did not edit or vet the articles and should qualify for the same protection granted to search engines or ISPs under the E-commerce Directive.

    Regulation 19 exempts information providers, such as ISPs, web hosts and search engines, from liability for the information they store or pass on to users as long as they are not involved in its creation or editing and remove it quickly once notified that it breaks the law.

    But Mr Justice Stadlen ruled that although Mr Hilton had not edited the article, he “exercised some editorial control on parts of the website and in particular on the homepage.”

    During its time on the site, Mr Gray’s article was added to the sites “Recommended” blog list. Upon its entry, the article was given far more detail, including date of upload, pictures and extracts on the homepage.

    These activities, said Mr Justice Stadlen, “went beyond mere storage so that Regulation 19 immunity would not be available in respect of liability for defamatory words appearing on the homepage.”

    Any alteration, even correcting spelling mistakes and punctuation, removes protection under Regualtion 19, the court ruled, meaning Mr Hilton was liable for site content.

    Mr Hilton’s lawyer argued that such drastic measures give operators an “incentive not to monitor their sites with a view to removing offensive material”, but the court rejected the argument and further trails will assess Ms Kaschke’s claims for libel.

    OOPS

  70. 70
    Lord G says:

    “Away and through shite at yerswelf ya muppet.” WTF?

    Did you mean “threw”? New Labour educashun???

  71. 71
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    “Nooky Brown” = “Brown wings”

  72. 72
    Hugh Janus says:

    Good move on the part of the Testicular One. Little does he realise that the more people of Morley & Outwood who see this utterly repulsive creature, the better it will be for his opponent.

  73. 73
    jgm2 says:

    Mugabe, like Brown, lives in a bubble where everybody constantly tells him how fucking fantastic he is and how every idiot decision he takes is like a divine revelation.

    Ergo, since Brown and Mandelson were unkind to Mugabe he has decided to have his revenge by endorsing Cameron. There, that’ll show you Brown – that’s you fucked now – everybody hangs on my every fucking word. Quite literally in Zimbabwe of course. He’s only got to say the word and they hang you.

  74. 74
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    You are TaT and I claim my five pounds.

  75. 75
    jgm2 says:

    I think her days of menstruation are long passed. She’s 60 this year.

  76. 76

    Maybe so. But isn’t Ed Balls the only one we know of caught wearing a Nazi uniform? Not sure even Nick Griffin has an actual stormtroopers outfit in his wardrobe. Well whatever turns you on, eh Yvette?

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1062940/I-obeying-orders—Schools-Secretary-Eddie-Balls-dressed-German-officer.html

  77. 77
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    My election night worst-case scenario is that just as Primarolo steps up to concede defeat, they cut to Balls losing his seat. I want to savour both with a fucking jeroboam each.

  78. 78
    Anonymong says:

    Oh come on, Balls is clearly Bormann.

  79. 79
    jgm2 says:

    Maybe all Harriet needs is a good exorcism.

    Maybe that’s what Brown needs too come to think of it.

  80. 80
    he's fucked says:

    12.3%

  81. 81
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    So I’ve got this wrong? Brown isn’t fantastic? You mean, his dispensation of tractor stats is not the divine word? And to think that I’ve spent the last week agreeing with Nick because it was the right thing to do.

  82. 82
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Gordon Brown/New Labour, the dangleberries on the UK’s arse.

  83. 83
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    Stoveseller

    You really are a sensitive lot on Spunky Spunky.
    Oh well at least C Men is doing care in the community for the right wing mentalist, GIB’by dog boiling segment of today’s Britain.

    Yes, C Men has found a niche, oh Matron! as a social worker for the people who think that the Daily Express has gone all trendy and modern.

    Away and bile yer heid ya wa’rmer.

  84. 84
    A Firm Pair Of Breasts says:

    Anyone but Balls!

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    Thankyou m’lady. Nice,polite comment.

  86. 86
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Thanks. Harperson and a crucifix and an exorcism. That has just given me an image I don’t need. Now I definitely want to be sick.

  87. 87
    The end of all freedom! says:

    There are plans afoot to make the denial ogf global warming a criminal offence!

    Even though it’s a proven hoax! off course it is the Euronazi’s way of shutting us up while they destroy our freedoms and tax us billions into the bargin making the direct recipients (bankers and their investors rich). while continuing their plan to de-industrialise the west and turn it into a baron third world hellhole complete with unelected tyrannical goverment.

    A campaign to declare the mass destruction of ecosystems an international crime against peace – alongside genocide and crimes against humanity – is being launched in the UK (deny the lie and you gat black bagged by the EuroNazis.)

    The proposal for the United Nations (tool of the banking elites) to accept “ecocide” as a fifth “crime against peace”, which could be tried at the International Criminal Court (ICC), is the brainchild of British lawyer-turned-campaigner Polly Higgins(a stooge of the bankers?)

    The radical idea would have a profound effect on industries blamed for widespread damage to the environment like fossil fuels, mining, agriculture, chemicals and forestry.(third world here we come).

    Supporters of a new ecocide law also believe it could be used to prosecute “climate deniers”(people who tell the truth like lord monkton) who distort science(that would be their ipcc) and facts to discourage voters and politicians from taking action to tackle global warming and climate change(racketeers and traitors who will make billion in taxes and our goverment will give them the lot).

  88. 88
    Mad Nads F@g Hag says:

    she’s a wrinkly titwtich hag expenses pig you depserate sad lonely wanker

    should have gone to specsavers

  89. 89
    Big Dave says:

    no, he only uses that when he’s invited girls to his commons office

  90. 90
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Balls “Balls Up” No surprises there then.

  91. 91
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Is it just me, or does anybody else think that he is a dead-ringer for Mr Blobby?

  92. 92
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    It’s going to be soooooooooooooooo sweet on May 7th when he and his freeloading wife are both out of a job and he without a seat.

    Wonder if he’ll blub when the count is announced in Morley & Outwood?

    From blinky to blubber Balls.

    Fabian tossers (sorry, couldn’t help myself).

    The fact that they just won’t get why the electorate has turned against them is why they are so unsuitable for public representation.

  93. 93
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Do the good people of Morley really know who they are voting for? He wears nazi outfits: http://tinyurl.com/4v2xt7, he flipped his home 3 times in 2 years: http://tinyurl.com/2c7c6z7 and he put in a claim for £33 for remembrance day poppies: http://tinyurl.com/r4kggh

    Anyone there voting for him must be either retarded or as corrupt as he is.

  94. 94
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Invited them or slipped them a few hundred quid?

  95. 95
    PM says:

    You’re new to this blog, aren’t ya.

  96. 96
    jgm2 says:

    12.3%? And the man a complete arsehole. And the Tory candidate pointing it out and electioneering on the fact.

    I’d say Ned is looking at a P45. And very lucky it’s not a Colt 45 because that is no less than Labour’s destruction of the UK economy deserves.

  97. 97
    Engineer says:

    Mandelweasel just been on WATO decrying “dirty tricks” by the Tories over Clegg’s alledged expense anomalies.

    Even Martha Kearney was chuckling and suggesting that it was interesting hearing condemnation of smearing from the master of the dark arts. He didn’t deny that he was a master of the dark arts….

    Nobody asked him how he knows the Tories are to blame. (They might be, of course.) Could have been a Labour smear op, as well…

    Mandelweasel condemning political smearing. Funniest thing I’ve heard all week.

  98. 98
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    Failed Brasilian blogger

    The word is “throw”, surely a man with your eductation can tell the difference between the present and past tense?

    English not your first language?

  99. 99
    Jeremy Thorpe says:

    I would love to see the sanctimonious Clegg attacked in Sheffield and given a clockwork orange style kicking in the underpass by his local Hallam constituency hoodies. They can chuck the putrid remains into a skip behind Cowley Street next to Charles Kennedy’s empty whisky bottles, Tennents super tins and Chris Huhne’s conscience.

    They have ruined the Liberal party.

  100. 100
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    That has cheered me up no end – thanks. Just need to see Brown utterly discredited tonight and we can chalk this up as a good day.

  101. 101
    Yarnefromhorsham says:

    Any news on the Glasgow Labour Party Mafia.

  102. 102
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Careful the list is so long Guido will need extra bandwidth.

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    If I’d known I’d have gone up and egg’d the cnut

  104. 104
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    What about the away goals rule.

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    Her elderly husband was forced to walk, but at least Balls got his photo op.

    I’m sorry,I just don’t believe that!

  106. 106
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    You really are a sorry example. A few posts back you said:

    ‘You really are a sensitive lot on Spunky Spunky.
    Oh well at least C Men is doing care in the community for the right wing mentalist, GIB’by dog boiling segment of today’s Britain.

    Yes, C Men has found a niche, oh Matron! as a social worker for the people who think that the Daily Express has gone all trendy and modern.

    Away and bile yer heid ya wa’rmer’

    and you have the nerve to complain about the level of political debate FFS?

    Carry on touring.

  107. 107
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    John Gordon

    How did your visit to the warehouse in Southern Africa go?

    Did you tell the wife the taxi driver was dyslexic?
    And, did she believe you?

  108. 108
    Recycle bin says:

    Let’s hope there is nothing incriminating on Mr Fox’s laptop

    Blow for Cameron as burglars steal top Tory’s laptop hours before crucial TV debate

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/election/article-1267983/General-Election-2010-Liam-Fox-laptop-stolen-hours-crucial-TV-debate.html

  109. 109
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    It’s started coming out of her mouth instead

  110. 110
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Yeh, body of a 60 year old and the mind of a 6 year old.

  111. 111
  112. 112
    Mr Blobby says:

    You bastard!

  113. 113
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Yep, I would like to spin Brown’s head 360 Degrees. That should do the trick.

  114. 114

    Harman Pride!
    Completely forgotten about him.

    We should do a roll of honour on May 7th for all those Labour footsoldiers who lost their jobs in the Whore to end all whores that was New Labour.

    Hardwidgger. Charles – Private – Queens own.
    Ambrose – Fishponds – Petty comment officer – Submarine service.
    Jimmy – J. Highland regiment
    Elsby, Gary – RN. Stoker.

    anymore?
    Lest we forget.

  115. 115
    Darkside says:

    Jeremy.

    As interesting as nick clegg getting a kicking from hoodies would be. There is no chance of that occurring in hallam.

    Hallam whilst being ‘up north’ is the wealthiest consituancies outside of london.

    Actually beating Cheshire…..

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2002/aug/14/uknews1

  116. 116
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Put them in a line and two might just be enough if strategically positioned.

  117. 117
    Gobshite says:

    ‘Crushed Balls’ headline on May 7th?

  118. 118

    @ end of all freedom.

    Very interesting.

    Linky linky?

  119. 119
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Internet election?

    Warning, clip contains Guido…. in a suit.

  120. 120
    Gobshite says:

    Did Gordon knock any of the doors?

    I am sure he would have got a warm welcome.

    Or a scalding one, depending how good their kettle was.

  121. 121
    10K_Cleggie says:

    I could ditch EU my pension and still retire tomorrow on 750 a month…….
    Does that not go to prove I’m not in politics for the money?
    Thanks, Mandy for backing me up – us EU pensioners need to stick together!

  122. 122
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Shoot Balls and Brown – Mandelson needs a stake through the heart.

  123. 123
    Gobshite says:

    Never mind the Kinnocks!

  124. 124
    A Nonnymouse says:

    Oh dear – tat’s not one for the ladies, is he?

    Best he can manage is a tramp in a public toilet.

  125. 125

    I still can’t understand you..What language is this written in?
    Can we offer you a government paid for translator to accommodate your needs?

  126. 126
    Gobshite says:

    I’d like to put this Ball under the Albert Hall.

  127. 127
    Jeremy Thorpe says:

    Damn I always knew he was a closet Tory

  128. 128

    The swing is modest but the drop is short.

  129. 129
    Mongo the Magnificent says:

    I beleive the term ‘piss bag’ should be hyphenated: –

    Ed Balls, once a cock sucking piss-bag of a fuckwit…

  130. 130
    jgm2 says:

    It’s all over Blair’s (and Brown’s, and Straw’s, and the rest of the cabinet’s) hands.

  131. 131
    Gobshite says:

    Mugabe knows competition when he see’s it.

  132. 132
    Anonymous says:

    I before E Mongo!

  133. 133
    jgm2 says:

    Brown. Twice. Just to be doubly sure.

  134. 134
    Gobshite says:

    A damn good exorcism. Looks like she hasn’t had one for a while.

    Silly girl.

  135. 135
    udderly 'orrible says:

    BUT how big will his pension be (and that of his ugly-pugly missus) and his resettlement allowance and his ex-ministerial perks and the directorships-in-waiting and his ticket on the gravy train to Brussels?

    The disgusting porker and his sow will still benefit at our expense.

    He should be forced to pay for his part in the total economic collapse of the country – Nuremberg Tribunal for Economic Crimes (committed by Liebour ministers)

  136. 136
    WorKev says:

    That’s sanddancer jive from Toilets’ vernacular.

  137. 137

    jesus, these things *must* be written with the express intent of causing projectile vomitting, surely?

    Any sane humam being must read that, and be utterly repelled, no? Just… yuccccccccch. Wankers.

  138. 138

    That is the away goals rule. If no one wins outright then Labour win.

  139. 139
    thedukeofhunslet says:

    I was there… Antony Calvert decided that him and his followers would take on anyone who wanted at the tug-o-war. Queue hundreds of kids dashing to the opposite end of the rope and proceeding to drag poor Antony and his team across the rugby ground…

  140. 140
    jgm2 says:

    The Onanist.

    Actually he’s still here. As is Harman Pride. They just change their monikers and their IP address and off they go again.

    New Apple probably. Got to have the latest one doncha know.

    Either that or a different council office.

  141. 141
    Alexsandr says:

    er yes. mandy, brown, harperson,blears

    Need I say more?

  142. 142
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    He’s more like Piers Fletcher Dervish off The New Statesman

  143. 143
    jgm2 says:

    You’ll get soap in your eyes if you do that. That hurts.

  144. 144
  145. 145
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    It will make him look a good sport though

  146. 146
    WorKev says:

    No he’s converted me to Labour. I want Brown to continue his valiant work for the country for another 5 years. All thanks to Fat Man’s snide condescending posts.

    I especially like C Men (conservative men?) = semen, Geddit?

    Fucking genius!

  147. 147
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    This old heart of mine

    My comments might lack a little polish but they are a statement of fact.

    They were a reaction to an internet shitebag who in my opinion was out of order in his choice of analogy to put across his extreme displeasure at the performance and behaviour of two leading Labour politicians.

    As far as I am concerned such comments suggest that a village has lost its idiot or a bar room has lost its bore.

    Either way the person making the comment is beyond the pale of political discourse and needed to be reminded of that fact.

    Comprendi ya muppet?

  148. 148
    I'll have some of that says:

    Yvette’s found a bigger one elsewhere apparently

  149. 149
    Anonymous says:

    Moderation on this blog is completely random it seems.

    I don’t think there is anything personal or content-related about it most of the time.

    I think it’s just a stupid ‘must put every nth post in the moderation queue’ rule.

    Sort it out Guido FFS.

  150. 150

    Well English clearly isn’t yours, is it.

    A very hateful left winger, aren’t you? Much like all other lefties – hateful, jealous, racist, hypocritical and full of lies.

    I actually pity you, in a sick way.

    You know, the sort of pity you feel for an injured animal.
    Just before you kill it.

  151. 151
    jgm2 says:

    It’ll be quite a hit to the family pocket won’t it? Combined annual tax-payer smash-and grab of 500K a year down to 65K plus expenses.

    Oooooh. That’s got to hurt.

  152. 152

    or is that Balls is a bore, man? Either way it works.

    I hope he loses.

  153. 153
    udderly 'orrible says:

    Testicular cancer!

  154. 154

    Slightly O/T but a good expose on Lib Dem allowance fiddling – http://bit.ly/9TUgTX

  155. 155
    Angermouse says:

    Ed Balls is a swivel-eyed cock trumpet!

    He has the sort of face you’d happily punch until you lost the use of both of your hands in a bloody pulp.

    How entirely typical of this fucking git to muscle in on a non-political event and show off his ugly pop-eyed fizzog.

    Oh, oh how I hate him!

  156. 156
    Ian 'Yvette' Cooper says:

    In my pants

  157. 157

    Ay, i love a good dust up on’t blog, me.
    even though i often get shafted by all the clever buggers on this blog.
    I’ve always got a good supply of nasty shite to spout
    cos im full of it you see.

  158. 158

    I’ll just say again, I hope Balls loses. He deserves to.

  159. 159
    Nick2 says:

    720 just to be sure.

  160. 160
    Jethro says:

    …and shouldn’t there be a hyphen in ‘cock-sucking’?

  161. 161

    I misread that as Sarah Teather’s beard’s sister.

    A Sarah sandwich came to mind.
    Feel a little ill now.

  162. 162
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    I am sorry for my postings above – I have not got my normal drugs today cos the missus is out banging for some dosh to buy them.

    I admit that Balls is like the lot in ’45 and I do hope he gets shafted.

    Sorry for my behaviour, Gordon Brown made me do it.

  163. 163
    Smig says:

    Jonty

  164. 164

    Give the gun and a glass of Scotch to Brown.
    Tell him “its the right thing to do”

  165. 165
    Fat Bloke on Tour says:

    C Men

    Good to see you are at it again.
    Sewer waiting on the sewage.
    Nick not playing it straight?

    By the way what a threesome.

    I would pay good money to watch you getting “roasted” by Brillo and his new bint. She is definitely not a woman to take home a split pay packet to.

    Just where does “Simmit” pick up these political munters?
    I thought he couldn’t get anything worse than the couch love burds but he has.

  166. 166
    Hislop says:

    Balls loses his balls in ballsy election night, continued Pg. 94.

  167. 167
    PM says:

    Yeah, fair play.

  168. 168
    Captain Black says:

    Gordon’s writing is so bad he’d be nominated as a working pier.

    I’d love to see him buried up to his head on Blackpool beach…

  169. 169
    Jethro says:

    …if he’d been stranded in Europe, would it have been ‘Balls Cut Off!’?

  170. 170
    PM says:

    He scrubs up pretty well.

  171. 171
    streamfisher says:

    Its the mad eyes of a fanatic (for what nobody knows) that get you., can we have our Balls back Missus?

  172. 172
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Save the bullets; just kick ‘em to death

  173. 173
    Max the Impaler says:

    I really like the idea of ‘Nuremburg Trials for Economic Crimes Against the People.’I’d love to see Badger,McBust,Bliar and Ballsup in the dock.

  174. 174
    Live On Fox! says:

    Shoot one of them and then sell the global TV rights to watch the other two fighting to get the gun and save themselves.

  175. 175
    Sarah Brown says:

    Or mine

  176. 176
    Its im again Mum! says:

    Stop Press……Stop Press……..Stop Press………

    Breaking Tory News scoop!!!!

    Ed Balls drew a rude piccy on the blackboard and Cleggie flicked a boogie

  177. 177
    lola says:

    Once a shit, always a shot. So’s his wife.

  178. 178

    fucking nutty little mad eyed twot.

  179. 179
    PM says:

    “Ballsacked”, perhaps?

  180. 180
    lola says:

    hahah. Correcetd version.

    Once a shit, always a shit. So’s his wife.

  181. 181
    NLJD says:

    Please note that the above post is from an imposter.

    Obviously C Men and the mob that run this site must be shitting themselves at the thought of anyone other than the usual suspects getting a word in edgeways.

    Spunky Spunky is the site of choice for right wing, GIB’by, dog boiling mentalists and as such is beyond parody.

    Please keep it that way but don’t steal other people’s IDs.

  182. 182
    The Pain says:

    I hope it hurts him very very much indeed.

  183. 183
    Lord G says:

    If you pronounce “through” the same way as “throw” then you really should go back to school…

    Trot on you troll.

  184. 184
    Nick2 says:

    Balls’ behaviour seems (literally) incredible (as in fantastic; unbelievable) – if it is all true.

    He’s a seasoned politician – did he imagine that any or all of his actions would remain unpublicised until after the election? Any one of them would be good fodder for Private Eye – all of them make for the kind of story that’s passed round the water cooler at the office.

    Maybe he’s been in a position of power for too long – but that will change soon…

  185. 185
    Frodo Forks says:

    And the award for SHITHEAD of the month is hereby awarded to Ed Balls

  186. 186
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    Fat Bloke,
    If you stop contradicting yourself,that would help; If you want to raise the standard of political debate,that would be welcome but ‘comprendi ya muppet’ does not appear much of a step forward does it?

    and who are you to say who or what is beyond the pale of political discourse?

    PS I ain’t old and I ain’t yours

  187. 187

    He uses the same Barber as Hitler you know!

  188. 188
    William says:

    Goggle-eyed, surely?

  189. 189
    Jethro says:

    Just decided to send another Tenner to Mr. Calvert’s fund (didn’t he play the Trumpet – or was that his brother, Eddie?).

  190. 190
    Elderly Pedestrian Husband says:

    You’d better believe it! My feet ache…

  191. 191
    Hitler says:

    ja ja I vas a gut nazi

  192. 192
    Gordon Tweet says:

    GB; Sarah loves marmite I love marmalade. #marmite

  193. 193
    Formerly EC1 PhD says:

    The floppydilistic-flaggidilistic paradigm, no less.

  194. 194
    Get off my land says:

    Fat Bloke, don’t mind the little bit of Polish, it’s your lack of a basic grasp of Englis that you should be apologising for

  195. 195
    Formerly EC1 PhD says:

    Ache of Balls Defeat (Sun headline)

  196. 196

    C men

    Apologies for my shitty, unintelligible posts.
    I promise never to call you a plastic paddy ever again.
    Or mock your political acumen.

    I remain your humble servant.

    John Prescott.

  197. 197
    Portillo moment says:

    Jacqui Smith
    The Ginger Minger
    Mandelson. Oh. Bugger.

  198. 198
    It was not me it was the other three says:

    In the Brentford and Chiswick area tonight there is our first Hustings meeting and surprise surprise our Local Labor MP Mrs A K££N has just discovered she has a prior appointment and so will not attend. More important than meeting your consituants during an election

  199. 199
    Mugabe says:

    Hang Brown

  200. 200
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Witnessing liebours hilarious collapse like this makes me wonder how many others will be joining the Right Honorable Ed Balls at his special moment. Blears, the flipping chipmunk from Salford? Bercow?

    Only 2 weeks to eternal irrelevance now, comrades!
    Go back to your constituencies, and prepare for 3rd party nonentitiness!

    Hey, if its a hung parliament how does who sits where at PMQ’s get decided?

  201. 201
    Ken Dodd says:

    old saying…truth hurts

  202. 202
    sweaty molester says:

    ‘Hung like a pigeon’ was the phrase I heard

  203. 203
    Just say no says:

    Ed Balls is a monkeys bellend with a post office red rubber band round it

  204. 204
    Formerly EC1 PhD says:

    Cognitive irrigation = Brown Storm

  205. 205
    Man With a Baseball Bat With Rusty Nails Hammered Through It says:

    So, if Balls ceases to be a Minister, surely he loses his security people……

  206. 206
    Guido Fucks says:

    and oops I just went and deleted that

  207. 207
    juxtaposition says:

    Brown love man sauce

  208. 208
    Sir William Waad says:

    If you lack a bit of Polish, have some of mine – Wyrwę ci jaja, dupek!

  209. 209
    The end of all freedom! says:

    Two sources, one cannot be linked due to Guido’s censorship, but here is one along the same lines.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/apr/09/ecocide-crime-genocide-un-environmental-damage

  210. 210
    Mad as hell and won't have to take it for too much longer says:

    A smear is only a smear if it is untrue. Surely the Great Poobah knows that.

  211. 211
    ed fan club says:

    If this gets rid of him then it was worth him doing it!

  212. 212

    Is that you, Nomates?

  213. 213
    Sir William Waad says:

    Not sure that I quite take this story entirely at face value, but at list we have a silly pic of Ballsie to chuckle at.

    P.S. you’d think he’d look at himself in the mirror before he went out. Look at those sleeves!

  214. 214
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    He’s Scottish, you can tell by the accent.

    Obviously still stuck up there in the Labour stronghold of McColditz, spewing bile at us down here in the glorious warm weather of the South, because his IQ and work ethic never extended to getting up off his lager-soaked arse and ‘gittin a joab’.

    Still, look on the bright side. With his witty ripostes and eloquent flair, the rest of us dont need to make too much effort to look like geniuses.

    Forgive me lapsing into my nating tongue but:

    Yer nowt but a numpty, a useless bam. The unwanted bairn of a radge faither and a midden for a ma. Away tae fuck wi ye heed the baw.

  215. 215
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    Well, back in HPs day I replied to one of his trouser-trump missives and was told I would be going “on (sic) the dossier.” I couldn’t think of anything to be more proud of than being a Pike on the clipboard of a Labour thug.

  216. 216
    P.C. Plod says:

    Nothing to see there, move on.

  217. 217
    Look-a-like says:

    you are Margaret Becket and I claim my £5

  218. 218
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Body of a god. Shame it’s buddha.

  219. 219
    Shades says:

    Why let facts get in the way of a good story?

    The photo is actually of the Lord mayor of Leeds, Cllr. Judith Elliott, who lives in Morley and has been Morley Town Mayor previously but isn’t at the moment. Morley is a dormitory town of Leeds.

    The Lord Mayor of Leeds has the use of a Limo which has an extra row of seats. Of course, they may well have had others in so Terry elliott OBE (& justice of the peace) may well have had to walk. He is pretty fit for his advancing years though.

    The Town Mayor doesn’t have a Limo, but they occasionally rent one. (It is precept payer’s money, after all).

  220. 220
    Martin Day's mum says:

    Martin Day. What a ball bag.

  221. 221

    @NLJD

    You sound worried that people reading this blog might confuse Fat Blokes ramblings with that of an impostor.

    You haven’t been here long, have you?

    Because everyone else on this thread can tell the difference. If you or your friends can’t differentiate, tough shit.

  222. 222
    ee by gum tv couch potato says:

    ‘Ead down or ‘ead up?

  223. 223
    udderly 'orrible says:

    They rotate like porkers on a spit.

  224. 224
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Whenever somebody uses the words “smear” and “Mandleson” in the same sentence, I get this horrible horrible image involving two naked men and a jar of peanut butter.

    Do I win £5, or do I just need help?

  225. 225
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    So THAT was the stain on her skirt. Where exactly does the gorgeous pouting Mrs Brown love the marmite to be, erm, ‘applied’?

  226. 226
    Bard says:

    No posters up at your house yet though are there?

  227. 227
    Lesbian in a Man's Body says:

    Here’s a better picture of the goggle-eyed one:

  228. 228
    If it's Brown flush it down says:

    I read a post signed by George (Hi Fidelity Glasgow Uni) yesterday on Coffee house yesterday!

  229. 229
    Engineer says:

    ***Retches discretely***

  230. 230
    Scum Shit Labour Supporters says:

    Balls and his Mrs would be among the first up against the wall on 07052010 if I was in charge. Just after Mandelson.

    It’s a pretty big fucking wall.

  231. 231
    Thames Valley voter says:

    Pencil a moustache on his pic and he’s Hitler’s twin.

  232. 232
    Maximus M. Bacillus says:

    Vote for Balls sake! (Mirror headline, 6 May)

  233. 233
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    I am rather saddened by the ommission of one, Bob “slot me” Ainsworth, in the line up. I suppose intellectual giants like Bob, are always unfairly neglected in the beautiful game.

  234. 234
    Because he's worth it says:

    By his cock until dead.

  235. 235
    Maximus M. Bacillus says:

    Mandelweasel has a nice ring to it. Mandelsmear has a ring to it also, but not half as euphonious.

  236. 236
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Balls you are a fucking Hunt

  237. 237
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Nope, Balls is just total Balls!

  238. 238

    Toss the bankers, city spivs and crony capitalists into the trial too. Not the bread and circuses to appease the sheeple that we have had so far.

  239. 239
    Cheshire says:

    But it’s not in Cheshire is it, so it doesn’t count. It’s in a grotty county somewhere else.

  240. 240
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    I sincerely hope the prospective Conservative candidate has made the people of that constituency, well aware of the utter venality of Balls and they vote accordingly.

  241. 241
    alex says:

    His wife is a fuckin horror.

  242. 242
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    The Liberal party have been shit since Jo Grimond’s day’s.

  243. 243
    50 Calibre says:

    Balls upsets a lot more people than the good people of Morley.

    He really upsets me…

  244. 244
    50 Calibre says:

    They are very well suited, those two. A pair of ugly Hunts if ever there were…

  245. 245
    Norvern git says:

    Arf…

    Guido’s thoughts…”Don’t call him Brillo….Don’t call him Brillo…Don’t call him….”

  246. 246
    Stu says:

    Jesus what a total cretin Balls is. Pity no one had the guts to say yes we no who you are, your one ot the uselss Liebor tossers that wrecked this country now fuck off.

    I wish I’d been there.

  247. 247
    streamfisher says:

    A lie told often enough becomes the truth…Joseph Stalin.

  248. 248
    fruitcake says:

    I thought his surname was an apt description of the substance holding his ears apart.

  249. 249
    grannysmith says:

    Balls, is bollocks.

  250. 250
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Balls Dropped or is that Milibanana.

  251. 251
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    If he survives and doesn’t get selected for the leadership it will be ‘BALLS DROPPED’

  252. 252
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    There’s more..

    Woolas, MacNulty, Margaret “bouncy castle” Moran, Margaret Hodge, Gorbals Mick, Uddin, Truscott, Byers, Sir Stewart Bell-end, Chris “mirror man” Bryant

    What a pack of utter hoons

  253. 253
    52 Festive Road says:

    Mirror Headline ” A zero % increase in votes for Balls”

  254. 254
    g1lgam3sh says:

    Still on tour in Narnia I see.

  255. 255
    Cream Puff says:

    Hopefully it will be a one two result with his minger of a wife Madame Cooper getting the boot as well, now that would be a result (to start with)
    Followed by Darling, Murphy, the oompa loompa thats Alexander, the Milleband boys..I could go on

  256. 256
    Anthony charles lynton blair bow street 1983 says:

    And me.Google the above and enjoy

  257. 257
    Anthony charles lynton blair bow street 1983 says:

    A Telegraph hack begs to differ

  258. 258
    Ex Libris says:

    Have you ever looked at Ed Millipede when he’s blathering away on a Mission From The Green God… he is like a human version of Wallace (as in & Gromit) …. all spacey teeth and deranged look of the obsessed… I keep waiting for him to ask for some Wensleydale!

  259. 259
    Anonymous says:

    No pension- only one term!

  260. 260
    Troughers Unite says:

    What’s left of it after they paid off the previous Town Clerk for unfair dismissal. That accounted for about half the total precept that year, didn’t it?

  261. 261
    Yorkshire Lad says:

    Tar and feathering too!!

  262. 262
    Yorkshire Lad says:

    He’s clearly a twat

  263. 263
    Mrs T says:

    Give the gun to Brown and tell him to ‘get on with the job’.

    Chances are, he will finish off the other two.

  264. 264
    Anonymous says:

    Ed Balls was offered a lift in the Lord Mayor’s Car, the Lord Mayor’s consort was given a lift in a different car.

    The Secretary of State quote was made to be when I was taking a photograph for “Englands Standard” the in house magazine of the Royal Society of Saint George. The Leeds Branch organise the St George event in Morley. Mr Balls was joking as he said it, neither he nor Mr Calvert went on that photgraph but are on number of other pictures I took of the days event.

    I don’t think Mr Balls offended anyone, really

  265. 265
    Duncan says:

    I’d like to applaud Guido for catering to his diverse readership by focusing on the non-partisan parts of the election campaign.

    Ed “twat” Balls losing his seat? That’s something everyone can enjoy. The Michael Portillo of 2010.


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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”


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