March 31st, 2010

Birrell Pulls Ahead in PMS Race

Two weeks ago Guido tipped former Indy deputy-editor Ian Birrell as one of the candidates to become David Cameron’s Prime Minister’s Spokesman. Well things are progressing nicely for the friend who bonded with Cameron through both having disabled children. As last night’s Standard reported Birrell has been taken on for the duration of the campaign to hone the line and  boost Cameron’s speech writing team. This of course puts Birrell in a strong position, if the election goes Dave’s way, to make the move to No. 10. Guido can’t imagine Cameron’s spinner Gabby Bertin will let the job go without a fight though.


  1. 1
    Andy Carpark says:

    What, that lunatic that used to watch telly with Princess Di?


    • 9
      jn says:

      It doesn’t matter who Cameron’s spokesman is because whoever you vote for Gordon Brown is going to be prime minister.


      • 13
        tough on clones tough on the causes of clones says:


        • 18
          it's a stitch up by Gordon and Gus says:

          Whoever you vote for, Brown wins.


          • Hoon MacHoon Chief Hoon of Clan MacHoon principal Hoons of hereaboots and a liitle beyond! says:

            It has to be stated emphaticaly there is no precedent for what Brownis preparing to do. Heath was allowed to stay on in the first election of 1974 but only for three days as he was the incumbent Prime Minister who had previously won the election in 1970. Brown has never won an election. This Hogwash simply wont do. No wonder that turd Gus O’Donnell is wrapped up in it. The position of the upper echelons of the civil service depend on them keeping Labour in power!!


          • Calm down dear! it's only contingency plans that were also used in 1974 says:

            hysterical twat


        • 22
          Gordon Brezhnev says:


      • 33
        Labour skidmark says:

        As dictators go Brown ain’t all that bad,afterall i’m being well paid to sit on my arse allday,Stalin would’ve worked me to death by now!


    • 11
      Andy Coulson's P45 says:

      Admit it. Hilton just can’t fucking stand AC.


      • 40
        Madme Defarge. says:

        They’d be better off with Richard Littlejohn and Jeff Randall. No idea who this man is but the Indy is a bit wet – they’re dealing with nasty Liebour thugs tha’ knows.


    • 60
      Vote dave get imperfection says:

      My God is there none with perfect genes like most of us


      • 70
        Anon says:

        Let’s be honest, Gabby Bertin isn’t up to much as far as spinning goes.
        But in her defence it is difficult to spin a housing benefit cheating dope smoking millioniare like Dave to be PM.
        You cannot polish a turd and to be fair to Gabby she has tried but all she has to show for it is a pile of shit stained rags.
        Oh well.


      • 73
        Ivor Codivor says:



      • 78
        Vote Dave get more socialism says:

        My God is there none who are real Tories like most of us?


        • 135
          Allan@Aberdeen says:

          Former deputy-Ed of The Independent. Will he be sufficiently left-wing for Cameron’s taste? Birrel might support deportation for Congolese rapists or non-entry of Africans with AIDS: dangerous, ‘far-right’ policies like those.


  2. 2
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    I am here to ensure that Mr. Cameron isn’t elected.

    Can’t Gordon introduce his own Enabling Act and rule by decree ??


    • 5
      P. Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

      I’ll be Gordoom’s Goebbels. Whelan ‘n’ Dealin Charlie can be Ernst Rohm.


    • 6
      coup d'etat says:

      Don’t worry Prime Minister Brown isn’t leaving us just yet:

      From today’s Guardian:

      “Senior Whitehall sources stressed tonight that Brown could remain prime minister and try to create a working majority even if the Tories were to win most seats.”


      • 12
        I hate New Labour says:

        The only way the mad Scottish cyclops will leave Downing St is if he’s dragged out.


      • 17
        Mr Ned says:

        I always said that Brown was an enemy of democracy and he is proving that all the time.

        Civil war anyone?


        • 31

          I’m not feeling very civil


        • 140
          The Jeremy Whine show is the biggest heap of shit on Radio 2 says:

          I think our parliamentary democracy is essentially a non-violent civil war in any case, with two opposing factions; those who want to live their own lives (and who vote Tory or UKIP) and those who are afraid and thick and useless and who want someone else to run their lives for them at someone else’s expense (and who naturally vote Labour).


      • 19
        Anonymous says:

        Will we never be rid of this fool.


      • 56
        Hoon MacHoon Chief Hoon of Clan MacHoon principal Hoons of hereaboots and a liitle beyond! says:

        that really would be an invitation to call out the guard. If Brown has less seats than the Tories, less votes than the Tories. and is not considered the incumbent as he was not previously elected PM then we would have to call on the military to do their patriotic duty.


        • 83
          Labour the party of eternal war says:

          I think you will find the Army are otherwise engaged and will be for many years to come.


      • 58
        Toilet roll holder design responsibilty Coordinating control officer says:

        Thank god for that! i was getting worried my 13 year holiday would be over.


      • 98
        idiots says:

        what does “could” mean mummy?


    • 39
      Peasant says:

      Shhh be quiet about that. Call-Me-Dave is expecting to use that on day one to ban all public service strikes.


    • 123
      Up sh1t creek says:

      An enabling act, who needs that….?


      • 129
        Al Megrahi,s Doctor says:

        Its absolutely breathtaking, they’re making it up as they go along, to suit Gordons need to cling on to his fantasy that he’s the rightful leader of a democracy that might not want him, but who are so confused as to what is good for them, they are in no fit state to know what they want. Better the person who can tell us what is good for the country to stay in power & “Get on with the job”
        Hence, the voter is dictated to, as is the case in Zimbabwe with Robert Mugabe. What is the difference?


  3. 3
    Jim says:

    The last thing we Tory voters want is some pinko ex-Indie hack as Cameron’s spokesman. Time for the pendulum to swing rightwards methinks, otherwise there are others waiting in the wings who will take up the baton.


    • 15
      chortle says:

      get dat Kevin McFilth in! ees a bright lad


    • 79
      Ivor Codivor says:

      Dave just makes mistake after mistake,like a …oh no another mong


      • 90
        Heir today gone tomorrow says:

        Anita Dunn, Maoist loving commie, is one of his advisors. What do you seriously expect? His flirtation with all things progressive is actually entirely consistent. What you see is what you get, Bliar mk 2 and no refund.


  4. 4
    Martin Day says:



  5. 10
    I hate New Labour says:

    Stories like this are the reason why the media-obsessed Blair clone is not miles ahead in the opinion polls.


  6. 14
    Breaking News: Radio 5 says:

    “The Liberal Democrats have entered into a secret deal with Labour to form a coalition government after the next election, even if Labour fail to win the largest number of seats”


    • 16
      Lib/Lab pact Mark II says:

      A Lib/Lab coalition is a done deal and will be presented as the Dream Ticket:

      Gordon Brown as prime minister and Vince Cable as chancellor.


      • 21
        Mr Ned says:

        nightmare ticket more like!

        Ah well, as the economy collapses further, and the massive state cuts can only be blamed on labour and liberals, that will clear the way for a Parliamentary fight over ID cards in which the tories will defeat the labour party (lib-dems abstain) and we get a vote of confidence, labour lose and we get another election. The boundaries are re-drawn more fairly and the tories win a landslide.

        We then get a continuation of more of the same under the tories…

        Yup.. Nightmare.

        Vote UKIP.


        • 24
          Ed says:

          A vote for UKIP is a vote for five more years of Brown.

          It’s an indulgence the country can’t afford, particularly now we know about Brown’s plans to cling onto power even if he loses the election.


          • Tony Cameron - Blairs featherweight mini-me says:

            A vote for Dave is a vote for five more years of Blair.

            It’s an indulgence the country can’t afford.


          • no coalition says:

            A vote for Cameron is a vote to stop Brown clinging onto power for five more years during which time he would destroy what’s left of Britain’s economy, traditions, and society.


          • Bruins out on his arse after the Election says:

            You seriously expect him to say otherwise beforehand?


          • A vote for Dave is a vote for five more years of hard left authoritarian idiocy, looting and social engineering disguised as soggy tory one-nationism. Fuck Dave – I’ll take the five more years of Brown to *FORCE* the tories to get serious about this fight.


        • 27
          Martin Day's goldfish says:

          I did just check a few libdems, all four I checked voted strongly against ID cards.

          Anyway, I don’t see how a liblab pact could work, because Labour isn’t able to talk sensibly to people who have different views and are in the party.


          • stitch up for a Lib/Lab pact says:

            Cable, Huhne, and Clegg run the Lib Dems and they are all in cahoots with Brown to form a coalition govt even if the Tories win most seats.


          • jgm2 says:

            The LibDems had a manifesto pledge to vote for a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty. They reneged. The Lib Dems will do whatever they are told for a whiff of power. Brown would hand out a few well-paying ministry jobs to keep the Lib leadership on-side and the rest of them would strut about playing at being in power. And voting for ID cards. And indefinite imprisonment without charge any any other fucking idiocy.

            And all the while the Maximum Imbecile would be stringing ‘em along with a promise of AV or PR. ‘Not yet – too soon – just in time for the next election….’

            Meanwhile the Maximum Imbecile would be still frantically trying to cover up the past 13 years of economic clusterfuck.


          • Cast Iron Cameron says:

            what rotters!!!
            I’d never do that


      • 23
        Sarah Teather fan says:

        Watch the Lib Dem vote collapse on this news. Us Lib Dem voters may be portrayed as naive and a bit wet but most of us certainly don’t want five more years of Brown, particularly if he’s propped up by our party.


        • 52
          Captain lack of details says:

          what secret coalition deal is this ?


        • 121
          Archer Karcher says:

          Bruin will not be around for five minutes after any election.
          The comrades will turn on him and blame him for everything.
          They can then safely impliment the EU mandated budget cuts, with “great reluctance” because “it is the right thing to do”.
          Thus throwing overboard, those dim enough to have voted for them, in the false belief that Labour would look after them and only be mean to rich, fatcat, banker, toffs.


    • 46
      Peasant says:

      “The Liberal Democrats have entered into a secret deal with Labour…”

      Bears… shit… woods.


  7. 28
    Catflap says:

    I know this is a crazy idea but how about the Conservatives just adopt good policies that the majority of the fucking electorate would like to vote for?
    Then you wouldn’t need spin doctor PR Guru cocksmoking wankers who are masters of the black arts.


    • 35

      Pah – *anybody* could win an election just by talking to punters, finding out what they want, refine it into what’s best, and give it to them; where’s the fun in that?

      The Party – all three wings – is simply carrying out its orders and will impose the commands of the Lizard Overlords, no matter what the fucking proles want, and to do that with a patina of legitimacy requires *oceans* of spin.

      C’mon, you really don’t think Call Me Dave and Wee Georgie are running this do you?


    • 41
      Sir William Waad says:

      Alas, you could have all the good policies in the world and hardly anybody would notice. Just tell us what we want to hear, please.


      • 93
        Catflap says:

        I tell you where this fiddling round the edges clever arsed black ops shit has got the Conservatives.
        Hung fucking Parliament territory and not election success guaranteed territory.
        Cameron and his team have really fucked this up and because of that Brown may still cling on to power.
        If people end up taking to the streets it will be in no small part Cameron’s fault for being a twat for only meeting trouble halfway and NOT fucking head on.


    • 48
      Madme Defarge. says:

      Good God don’t hit them with that one. I have been telling everyone the Tories are hanging on til the election is announced and will let rip. I keep saying it but it doesn’t seem to be happening but then no announcement yet.


  8. 29

    Sorry – off topic – but the evil war criminal Blair is bankrolling a a new Labour campaign website.

    ………. he is pissing in our faces laughing…. if I only had a lynch mob to hand…..


    • 94
      Moley says:

      Nothing to do with Labour or the election; it’s a Tony Blair fan club.

      And Labour had the nerve to criticise Ashcroft?

      Blair can’t go door knocking because the average UK dwelling is not big enough to accommodate all his bodyguards. Opening a website is all he can do.

      How much money is he giving the Labour Party; where did it come from: has UK tax been apid on it; is Blair a non dom; why did he get his family Irish passports; is he ashamed of being British?

      All these are serious questions that the BBC won’t ask.


      • 126
        Archer Karcher says:

        It is not just the BBC, if any question is asked of Bliar, it is usually only in passing and then quickly forgotten. Ashcroft on the other hand is a monster, blah, blah, blah.


  9. 30
    XOX says:

    Never mind Birrell. The only story right now is the one about Gordon Brown and Gus O’Donnell scheming to rig the next election.


    • 44
      Jack Ketch says:

      The answer lies in the hands of the electorate….if they deliver a hung parliament they deserve everything that will follow on from that decision.They are sleepwalking to financial disaster…and the markets will exact a very heavy penalty for any indecision of the electorate.

      This is no time for a hung parliament despite the siren voices in the media,The country faces the biggest crisis since the second world war and we need a government with a strong mandate whether it be Labour or Conservative


      • 110
        Batty Hattie Hamanescu says:

        Ah! So it’s all the electorates fault. The fact there is no real difference between the two main parties is not the problem? Are you really suggesting people should vote for a party they see as dishonest corrupt and incompetent just to avoid a hung parliament.

        Surely if the electorate is split 50/50 then that should be reflected in the make up of parliament. If that means a hung parliament; well, that’s democracy for you.


    • 47
      Catflap says:

      I agree when I heard this on the tail end of Newsnight I thought “Fucking hell, we might end up having a Ukraine style orange”
      Only kidding but you know what I mean. Maybe people would Finlay get off their arse and rid ourselves of this pestilent bunch of pricks.


    • 53
      Madme Defarge. says:

      I really don’t believe that. The Mandarins are protecting the State – Queen and country. Gus O’Donnell is doing what he should do to ensure the country functions all this stuff about him in cahoots is just rubbish – tin foil hat stuff (that’s the second time I’ve used that expression on here today).

      What I do believe is real though is that the military will be standing by to move in if any one (and I mean Broon’s lot) attempts to carry on at any cost. I believe this scenario happened during Wilson’s time.


      • 61
        Hoon MacHoon Chief Hoon of Clan MacHoon principal Hoons of hereaboots and a liitle beyond! says:

        THE ONLY STORY IN TOWN is that of Brown getting his retaliation in first (Scottish style) by plotting to stay in whatever happens. Any talk of giving this strategy must be kicked into the long grass immediately. Brown has never won an election. He is an imposter. Unless he wins an outright majority he has to walk. Otherwise we would all need to go on strike, call on civil servants to refuse to serve the government and call on the military to kick Brown out. Anything less would be undemocratic!!


      • 68
        one flew over the cuckoos nest says:

        > all this stuff about him in cahoots is just rubbish – tin foil hat stuff


        there seems to be an excitable lunatic running around madly ranting & posting about secret deals and certain coalitions & dictatorships with zero to back it up
        as usual


        • 106
          Oh Deary me says:

          If there was anything to back it up it wouldn’t be secret then would it??


          • Tin Foil Hat Watch says:

            Yep. A complete Lunatic.

            He somehow mysteriously knows about these ‘secret’ plans yet can’t tell us how he knows or what they are. Desperate rubbish from a fruitloop.

            No doubt these secret coalition talks involve space-aliens Lizard-people, the New World Order, 9/11 and Elvis.


          • Anonymous says:

            Yep, right nutter. Next he’ll be telling us you can be tagged for selling goldfish or something.


      • 72
        Catflap says:

        Damn Right MFarage. The Left wing are hated in the Military and amongst the rank&file police officers who would be glad to see the back of over promoted politically correct Senior pen pushers that are in charge of their forces.
        Who would stick their neck out to defend Browns right to rule?
        An army of fat arsed civil servants carrying coffee mugs and placards perhaps.


        • 132
          Anonymous says:

          Labour could always call on the more excitable elements within the effnik communities. After all, many owe Labour big favours for helping to get cousins and aunties etc… into the country.


    • 96
      Bout time too says:

      By XOX your right


    • 99
      Sir William Waad says:

      Don’t panic. The sky is not falling. Gordon Brown is just a twerp, not a dictator (you need nerve to be a dictator). The world is not going to warm up 5 degrees, we are not going to be hit by an asteroid, al-Qaeda will not be marching in triumph through Bromley any time soon and there is no chance of England winning the World Cup.


      • 115
        jgm2 says:

        Under Brown there is however every chance of our economy going completely down the shitter, currency being printed, pension funds seized and savings being wiped out.

        He’s already had a good go at it – just imagine the toe-curling fuckwittery he’s capable of with a mandate.

        Oh, and he is a dictator. He just loves fucking well ‘pushing’ it.


    • 128
      The BBC says:

      Do any of you think we’re actually running the story?


  10. 36
    Natty says:

    Bertin has no chance. She is in effect Cameron’s press officer.

    She is pretty junior and inexperienced.


  11. 38
    COULD doesn't men WILL hystericals says:

    The Queen could step in and block a second General Election this year in the event of a hung Parliament


    • 65
      Hoon MacHoon Chief Hoon of Clan MacHoon principal Hoons of hereaboots and a liitle beyond! says:

      The Queen could order the immediate execution of Brown and save us all a lot of trouble!!


    • 139
      Anonymous says:

      You’re under the misapprehension Queenie really gives a damn about the British people.

      The Monarchy is but a charade to fool the plebs that everything is just tickety-boo, while behind the scenes the guts of the country are systematically ripped out.

      Don’t waste time putting your faith into hollow, useless institutions.


  12. 62
    twatspotter says:

    If Cameron got William Shakespeare for his official spokesman it wouldn’t make a jot of difference if he continues trying to be nice to everyone and not making any effing big changes.
    Sorry Dave, I loath the Brown sputtering twat but you are bloody useless.


  13. 63
    Maladroit Labour Chump says:

    Main article: Enabling Act (Nazi Germany)

    In the United Kingdom
    Although there was never an enabling act in the United Kingdom resembling the one in Nazi Germany, the idea of an enabling act has been advocated by prominent British politicians.

    In the 1930s, both Sir Stafford Cripps and Clement Attlee advocated an enabling act to allow a future Labour government to pass socialist legislation which would not be amended by normal parliamentary procedures and the House of Lords. According to Cripps, his “Planning and Enabling Act” would not be able to be repealed, and the orders made by the government using the act would not be allowed discussion in Parliament.[1] Cripps also suggested measures against the monarchy, but quickly dropped the idea.[2]


  14. 64
    some thing stinks says:

    Sgt Smell walks.


  15. 66

    Ah, this is getting worse.

    It *appears* that under this “continuity” scheme cooked up by unelected mandarins, Brown will remain as PM, and Darling as chancellor even if they lose their seats in the election.

    I’ll run that by you again. If Dave gets most votes, most seats (but fewer than 326), McFuckingShitBroon loses his seat, Darling loses his seat, McFUCK *still* remains PM.

    This is democracy apparantly.


    • 74
      The Ghost of Sailor Ted says:



    • 76
      Right Bastard says:

      If this scenario comes to pass, Hell will have frozen over.


    • 80
      Hoon MacHoon Chief Hoon of Clan MacHoon principal Hoons of hereaboots and a liitle beyond! says:

      These people dont begin to understand what democracy means in practice. I keep going back to my fundamental point. Brown cannot be regarded as an incumbent PM as he was never elected. In this respect there is no comparison to Ted Heath hanging on for 3 days in 74 while he tried to stitch up a coalition! If Brown were to Bring the Nationalist parties into the mix the outcome could be catastrophic!


    • 82
      Catflap says:

      And any ministers who lose their seats as well will stay in post to ensure continuity.
      This isn’t tin foil hat shit.
      It is people turning out by the thousands smashing windows type of shit.


    • 85
      spike says:

      Brown looks like death without his makeup.Could he be one of them vampires?


    • 103
      jgm2 says:

      While there is a lot wrong with that scenario it won’t come to pass for the simple reason that the fuckwits of Fife will keep voting for the Maximum Imbecile. The knowledge alone that his incompetence means higher taxes for all workers will be enough.

      Got to keep the worthless fuckers in Buckfast somehow.


    • 111
      Moley says:

      Passive resistance.

      Cash in all Premium Bonds.
      Empty all bank accounts.
      Stop paying any tax, including BBC licence fee and council tax.
      Stop all purchases except of absolute necessities.
      A general strike without the involvement of the Unions.


      • 127
        jgm2 says:

        I haven’t yet emptied my bank accounts. Otherwise the jgm2 household has been there for the past ten years. Apart from my missus who insisted on working. But no more.

        50% tax? Fifty percent tax? Fifty? Get up at 5:30am, pay to park, pay for a train ticket walk through rain to sit there working until lunch time in order to send the whole fucking lot thus far to Brown so he can piss it away? His wonderous works to perform?

        Go. Fuck. Yourself.

        It’s getting to be the 1930s again. Folk will start burning their homes to the ground rather than leave anything to the government.


  16. 75
    Anon says:

    Isn’t it great?
    All the trolls are out in force with their worn out lines whingeing about vote blah get blah blah blah.
    We have now entered the gravity of a hung parliament and thick as thieves prediction is becoming the political reality.
    What a clever bastard, eh.
    What a genius.


  17. 88
    Plan B says:

    I complained and got ignored. I am now going to put in a super complaint


  18. 89
    Chutney Starfish says:

    man boobs


  19. 91
    Break up the BBC NOW !! ..... says:

    BBC News Channel – 2:30 pm ishl

    “Now we will look at Mr Cameron’s statement today re Broken Britian / Comnmunities etc”

    The News Reader then asks the Limp Dem rep (Sarah Tether?) – “so what do you think’s wrong with the Tory offering?”

    Bloody disgraceful – not a jot about the Tory proposals – just 100% criticism


    • 100
      The day is coming... says:

      UNACCEPTABLE, this has to be stopped, fair reporting yes, fact based reporting yes, but not this, hour by hour, day by day.


      • 104
        BBC - 24/7 Labour Party apologists says:

        Those parliaments don’t just hang themselves you know.


        • 113
          Wavy Davy the jellyfish... HAMMER of the BBC says:

          Mr Cameron stressed that he supported the BBC

          He said: “The BBC is an important national institution. I want to see it prosper and succeed and be a fantastic cultural asset.”

          He added that he was a “supporter of the licence fee”


    • 101
      GET TOUGH NOW or we'll all be sorry says:

      I agree – Where is the Tory – BBC Rebuttal Unit


      Come on Cameron get your act together! NOW !


    • 112
      Pole Star says:

      GUIDO – Can you help here?

      Bring it to the boil – get it resolved – before even more damage is done by the BBC



    • 117
      Help ! says:

      What / which is the most progressive / influential anti-BBC organisation?



  20. 95
    Chutney Starfish says:

    Cameron needs to get some geezers on board who were proper practioners of the chinese burn, horsey bite and swimming trunk wedgy at school.

    Sticks and stones may break my bones, so will a karate kick down C block stairs


  21. 114
    Gordon Brown says:

    You may kiss my feet.


  22. 118
    Labour Dictatorship says:

    A vote for Labour has now become a vote
    against democracy.


  23. 124
    jgm2 says:

    Seems to me that this ‘hung parliament’ Lib-Lab pact narrative will be counter productive to the Maximum Imbecile. The more folk who vote for the LibDems – cos it doesn’t matter – it’s not a wasted vote – they’ll get Vince as chancellor – the less will be voting Labour.

    A split LibDem/Labour vote has got to be good for the Tories.


  24. 134
    Richard the Lionheart says:

    Coming soon – The Aspirin Tax
    Labour is going to impose a 40% tax on Aspirin!

    Why, you ask..?

    Well, primarily because it’s WHITE and it WORKS!


    • 136
      Trevor Philips says:


      If I ever find out who you are, you’ll be in front of one of our new no jury courts faster than you can say Golliwog!


    • 143
      Osama Bin Broon says:

      Due to the economic outlook the 40% Aspirin tax is to be increased to 50% same as bankers, you can gain exception by memorising the first 50 pages of the Koran


  25. 141

    […] this the influence of the aforementioned Ian […]


  26. 142
    Paul Parton says:

    I would have thought Gabby Berthin had more understanding of PMS


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