March 24th, 2010

Guy News : Budget Special


194 Comments

  1. 1
    • 2

      I have no idea why I did that.

      Like

      • 3

        I usually delete “Firsts” but I’ll let that stand as a monument to your moment of vacuous stupidity.

        Like

        • 12

          it was the shock of it. I got carried away with the opportunity being presented. It’s very much like that time with the nurse on the night bus.

          Like

          • Final Warning Frank says:

            No Frank, it is not like the nurse thing at all. Your incident with the nurse on the bus ended up in the courts.
            This being first business just got you a slap on the wrist from Guido.
            Don’t do it again.
            Or the bus thing.

            Like

          • Sir William Waad says:

            It’s a trivial achievement, perhaps, but I was at one time the youngest person in the world.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            More to the point:

            I wonder what Budget horrors are hiddent away, in the budget ‘Red Book’ that includes the bits that the Chancellor left out of his speech.

            The Snotgobbler was an expert at burying the bad news in the paperwork when he hadn’t got the guts to stand up in Parliament, declare it, and face the music. I doubt that Darling is any more brave.

            BTW didn’t the Snotgobbler look even more sour and desperate than usual during Prime Minister’s Evasiveness Time?

            Like

          • Roll on the the Election says:

            More to the point:

            I wonder what Budget horrors are hidden away, in the budget ‘Red Book’ that includes the bits that the Chancellor left out of his speech.

            The Snotgobbler was an expert at burying the bad news in the paperwork when he hadn’t got the guts to stand up in Parliament, declare it, and face the music. I doubt that Darling is any more brave.

            BTW didn’t the Snotgobbler look even more sour and desperate than usual during Prime Minister’s Evasiveness Time?

            Like

          • Unsworth says:

            You been at the Night Nurse again? Read the label.

            Like

      • 4
        • 189
          Biffo says:

          Having travelled around in the 1950’s in various small inbred corners of Ireland I suddenly realised why Jimmy McSnot looked so familiar as he grimaced his way through PMQs today.
          He looked the very spit of one of those unfortunates I used to see sitting in a corner of the local pubs, usually in the care of a cousin or brother – who was desperately pretending that the unfortunate had nothing to do with him. You know the sort of unfortunate I mean, with a misshapen body, big head, face twitching & grimacing, usually a trail of drool down the chin onto the ill-fitting clothes. Shambling off to the loo, accompanied by at least one buzzing bluebottle & the stench of rotting manure. Returning, either with his fly open, revealing piss-stained under-drawers or with a dark stain down the front of his pants. The sort of person that made women say to their neighbours ‘Oh isn’t his mother a saint – and what a worry he must be to her’ whilst telling their young children, as they crossed themselves, ‘Never, ever let Seamus Bogey take you into a barn to show you his new kitten’. Someone the young girls of the village ran from, screaming as he approached them, grunting and reaching out with dirty clawed hands to touch. Someone who often ended up facedown in the village pond after one too many ‘incidents’, with the local Gardai officer reporting ‘Sure he must have slipped, it was a very dark night & the dent in his head must be where he hit a brick or something at the bottom of the pond as he fell’.

          Like

    • 18
      Dog says:

      uaf uaf

      Like

    • 50
      Up sh1t creek says:

      Portugal credit rating downgrade today, the UK is next.

      Like

      • 194
        Furious Capitalist says:

        You know the BBC Sky and ITV have been hijacked by the State as every Twat of a journo spouts on that we have the largest peace time dept. What in F–ks name do they call the War on Drugs that have filled the Prisons and Doubled the Police force. or the War in Afghanistan, or are we not really in Afghanistan or are we not locking everyone up for taking a line of coke or smoking a joint or pedling a bit of what people fancy. The market will decide while you c.nts skin the country tooling yourselves up and pretending to stop it. The last time I did my sums its adding over a billion a week to the Dept, the cu.ts will be closing a hospital next to you to pay for it shortly. Fraudster politicians presiding over expensive phoney Wars. Fuc-kin peace time dept my Arse.

        Like

  2. 5
    Lord Ashcroft says:

    We are all “first time” buyers now comrades

    Like

  3. 6
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Treasury forecasts = Andrex

    Like

    • 25
      genghiz the kahn says:

      which industrial commercial sectors are growing in excess of 3.5%?

      banks, pharmacueticals, cars, building, insurance?

      More fucking rubbish from that Hunt Brown and his finger puppet Darling.

      Like

      • 54
        Lord G says:

        Fortunately Aljabbeba are towing the line with their early headline: Liebore ‘will get recovery right’

        How much would you have to pay for that propoganda?

        Like

  4. 7
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Does he really believe these figures? Stupid, deluded or naiive?

    Like

  5. 8

    Today’s budget is brought to you buy Darling Blankets: When all you want to do is hide from the monsters under the bed.

    Like

  6. 9
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Windy Miller’s stuffed then.

    Like

  7. 10
    Camerons P45 in the post says:

    Tories looking glum. Darling could well reduce their poll lead to zero.
    You may not fall for his old bollocks but a vast swathe of part time political viewers will.
    Goodbye Dave.

    Like

    • 46
      Naked Gordon says:

      You’d be glum if you had to sit through Darling’s droning steaming heap of lies.

      Like

      • 150
        udderly 'orrible says:

        Look at his neighbour! Old glumchops hisself, hooded eyelids of a McSnake-in–the-grass has-been.

        Like

  8. 11
    Wheel Anne & Muckbride says:

    Cider up 10% over inflation!!! Back to the gluebags for us.

    Like

  9. 13
    Peil says:

    Small point, but where’s Bercow?

    Like

  10. 14
    The Sleeper says:

    A quick and probably flawed calculation….

    Stamp duty removed up to £250K..average cost of house, say,£150K= £1.5K cost to Treasury per house.

    Extra 1% on houses over £1 million…average cost of house,say,£1.5 million= £15k extra income per house.

    Do they then think that for every 1 house sold over £1million,only 10 at the national average are sold???

    I don’t think so.

    Like

  11. 15

    WTF has he got it in for cider for? I’m very partial to proper cider. Bastards. They drive you to drink and then make it unaffordable, even Stalin didn’t do that.

    Like

  12. 16
    Brown should be locked up says:

    Brown almost lost his rag at PMQs. He started shouting and pointing and looked on the verge of having one of his infamous tantrums. What a fucking Hunt. My hatred for this man increases exponentially every day. Is it wrong to wish death on a human being? Of course. Just as well Brown isn’t human.

    Like

    • 60
      Lord G says:

      Unfortunately I could only read the coverage on the Beeb – oddly didn’t give the impression of toys flying out of the pram.

      They must have been busy concentrating on delivering the ‘facts’.

      Like

    • 139
      There's hope yet says:

      Yeah, he did get steamed up, perhaps because Cameron didn’t get steamed up?

      Excessive cider tax – you can tell they don’t drink that in NE working Mens’ clubs.

      Cameron’s budget reply was by far his best performance in months.

      Like

  13. 20
    Dick Scratcher says:

    We don’t want loans – we want to pay less corporation tax you knob.

    Like

    • 86
      jgm2 says:

      Paying less corporation tax doesn’t increase GDP and give the impression of growth. Forcing you to borrow more many to pay your fixed costs does increase GDP even though you’ve not produced a single extra widget.

      I hope that clears things up as to how these fuckwits think.

      Like

  14. 21
    Cassandrina says:

    I also wondered where Bercow was?
    Couldn’t take the lies.
    I have never heard such figures and had to turn the radio off and rest.

    Like

  15. 22
    John says:

    Looks like Harry has been eating all the pies…
    :-)

    Like

  16. 23
    oldfella says:

    Does anyone else agree with me?

    Gordon Brown is the most odious man in the country

    Like

  17. 27
    Steve Expat says:

    Inheritance tax for the many, not for the few…

    Like

  18. 29
    Steve Expat says:

    £2m of capital gains taxed at 10% – wait for the rich to make sure they’re paid in gains rather than 50% taxed income…

    Like

    • 39
      In or Out Steve, You're OUT! says:

      You don’t pay British tax Steve, so you have no right to comment on that particular issue.
      And the same goes for Lord Ashcroft.

      Like

      • 43
        Steve Expat says:

        I do pay British tax, unfortunately. Not at 50% though, I’m not that lucky!

        Like

      • 76
        Song of the western men says:

        Surely Lord A does pay UK tax, just not on all his income

        Like

        • 93
          Steve Expat says:

          Indeed.

          Like

          • Aschroft Is The Problem says:

            Which rather begs the question: if Lord Aschroft pays British tax why doesn’t he pay all his oversees tax here too?
            Answer: because he lied to the parliamentary authorities by saying he would become a permanent resident and then, after giving his word to do that, he changed the terms of the agreement. What a bloody liar! Aschroft is tax evading scum.
            Two new feet please stretcher bearer; one foot for Steve Expat and one for one for Song of the western men.
            They’ve just blown theirs off.
            Silly buggers.

            Like

  19. 36
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    punchline of the year.

    “belize”.

    Like

    • 94
      Lazarus says:

      The yound lady came from Belize
      She appeared a bit of a tease
      but she never said No
      so we all had a go
      and now she’s infested with Fleas

      Like

    • 157
      smig says:

      punchline of the millenium:

      my fist vs snotty macavity’s cakehole.

      Like

  20. 37
    What else...anodyne with a few bash the rich moments says:

    Labourlist blog was like watching the waiters moving around the deckchairs on the Titanic.

    Real budget to come in June…when the distraction of the election is over and five years beckons.

    Brown has borrowed his way to the present impasse and has sought to defy economic gravity.

    Pound down 28% still no trade boom

    QE north of 200 billion for a tail flick of growth

    Interest rates negative due to QE and 4.2% inflation.

    Like

  21. 38
    The Sleeper says:

    Here comes the Ashcroft moment…a deal with Belize.

    Blatant politicking…….

    Darling’s comment about 10 years is disgraceful…..this is the fucking budget…not Punch and Judy!

    Like

  22. 42
    Brown should be locked up says:

    Darling just made another reference to Ashcroft. When Osborne gets to his feet, he better mention Lord Paul, Unite, Hunt, Hewitt, Moran and Byers. Otherwise I’ll just despair of the Tories not making the most of Labour’s disgraceful crimes.

    Like

  23. 44
    Ministry of truth says:

    Belize reporting customers transferring accounts to labour offshore Islands

    Like

  24. 45
    Ministry of truth says:

    Huge numbers of 18 to 25 year olds who never vote swear to as they will not accept increase in price of White Lightening.

    Like

    • 104
      jgm2 says:

      Huge numbers of 16 to 24 year olds will never appear on the dole queues either. ‘Guaranteed training…guaranteed work experience’.

      They started off handing out graduate degrees – now we’re going to be handing out PhDs just to keep the dole figures low. It’s the same thing they do in the occupied territories. No job? No future? Stay at school.

      Apparently Gaza has the highest percentage of PhDs in the world. Luckily they’re all in Islamic studies. Imagine the fuckers studied anything dangerous like physics or chemistry.

      Anyway – we’ll have the same problem. Fuckwits with PhDs. Good for fuck all. A nation of Refloxologists, Homeopathy and Hairdressing PhDs.

      Like

  25. 47
    Steve Expat says:

    Cameron getting angry!!

    Like

  26. 48
    The IMF is coming says:

    Get him an espresso!

    Like

  27. 49
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Guido, seeing as it is Budget Day and I am bored out of my mind with tractor stats, can I ask you something? Are you related to the delightful Emily? I only ask because you both have the lip-curling thing and I believe it is a genetic trait. Just asking.

    Like

  28. 51
    Brown should be locked up says:

    Cameron’s on storming form! Get him, Dave!

    Like

  29. 52
    Watt Tyler says:

    Still, there’s always enough for war-crimes, immigration, the EU and…

    The State’s War Against the People: the Cost of locking up foreign prisoners hits £292m: http://eotp.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/the-states-war-against-the-people-the-cost-of-locking-up-foreign-prisoners-hits-292m/

    Like

  30. 53
    Paul Fald says:

    The raising the stamp duty from £175k to £250k for first time buyers is most welcome and this should have a positive effect on the housing market.

    Nice one Darling !

    http://www.maturedatingonline.org
    Make new friends locally and nationally today !!

    Like

  31. 55
    Steve Expat says:

    “This Prime Minister will never win a medal for Courage, although it it true that most of his ministers get mentioned in Dispatches” – DC, fucking funny!

    Like

  32. 56
    Gordon Brown should be sectioned says:

    Shit! Did you see Brown’s reaction to Cameron’s joke about consultancy fees? He looked like he was about to explode. What a fucking nutbag.

    Like

  33. 59
    Martin Day says:

    We’re all in this together

    Like

  34. 61
    Gordon Brown should be sectioned says:

    I thought Cameron was on top form. Well done, Dave. Now everyone will switch off or leave the chamber as Peg Leg gets to his feet.

    Like

    • 83
      Infanta of Castile says:

      Dave was brilliant and not before time. Mandelscum is now on saying that Dave should have paid more attention to the economy in his speech and less to politicking – The Lord High Everything is the definition of chutzpah.

      Like

  35. 62
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Excellent response from CallMeDave: really knocked spots off NuLab. Much more of this and the Tories will represent an Opposition. (Unlikely, I know, but a boy can dream….)

    Like

  36. 64
    Anonymous says:

    Good response from Dave whilst Gordon played his pretend I’m not listening lala lala la act.

    Like

  37. 65
    G.S Great Brittain says:

    Lookout reports multiple icebergs ahead off starboard Cap’t
    Full ahead both engines

    Like

  38. 69
    Sir William Waad says:

    A big round nothing of a Budget. We have to wait for Vince Cable to unveil the real Budget later in the year, if it’s not that fellow Osbert, Oswyn, whatsisname, that OE who is so horrifically re!

    Like

  39. 71
    Babe alert says:

    Cripes, I don’t ‘alf fancy that Emily/Juliet.

    Like

  40. 75
    Standard & Poors says:

    Darling he say A
    We say B

    Like

  41. 78
    Geordie Scoot says:

    After having fallen into a coma during Darling’s dirge, I was actually roused by Cameron’s tub-thumping effort. The habit that Brown has of chatting to his colleagues whilst being addressed by the oppo is most uncouth. One of my brothers was playing in the orchestra at the official opening of St Pancras – he said Brown chatted loudly throughout their entire performance – rude c*nt.

    Like

    • 105
      Ordinary Bloke says:

      Disagree Geordie. Brown is not a rude c*nt. He’s just a c*nt!

      Cameron’s budget response speech was superb. Bet the BBC and C4 give it fuck all air time tonight!

      Like

    • 108
      Captain Black says:

      Gordon’s Superman, he’s not only saved the world but he can multitask as well!

      Like

    • 180
      I hate New Labour says:

      The thing is, it’s *so* obvious that whenever he does it, it’s a green light that he’s bothered by what’s being said.

      He did the same thing when Hannan was tearing him a new one.

      He really is socially inept on every level. The day he’s gone can’t come quick enough.

      Like

  42. 81
    Greg Kettle says:

    A new tax on million-pound houses? Kev Maguire will be gutted!

    Like

  43. 87
    Tory Dan says:

    And with Labours budget speech Pound Sterling and the FTSE are both down, what glorious ZaNu Labour stewardship we have!

    One legged black Irish gypsy Muslim outreach workers will be jumped in joy around their Sure Start centres at this wonderful news!

    Like

  44. 88
    Steve Expat says:

    Pound falling off a cliff this afternoon, don’t think the City were too impressed by Darling…

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/news/business/market_data/currency/11/12/intraday.stm

    Like

    • 181
      I hate New Labour says:

      ‘City not impressed by Darling.’

      In other news: Pope found to be Catholic and scientists have learned that night follows day.

      Like

  45. 89
    Peasant says:

    This message waw brought to you by Drinkers Alliance. Who the fuck are they?

    Like

  46. 90
    mort says:

    well labourlist was fun…

    budget well really who cares it was all bS and bluff, altho i do like a cider so that sucks and that ciggie tax, well brussels here i come, is this some odd arrangement that the labour party have with eurostar and the ferries to increase traffic?

    have a good un gals and guys

    Guido, Labourlist acknowledged that you flooded them at the start of the budget speach..

    well done sir!

    Like

    • 173
      smig says:

      it was good to put them on the backfoot. there was far too much banging on about gorddom saving the economy. had to pull them down a peg or two.

      the amount of censoring/filtering/not allowing that becuase it disagrees with zanulabia policy was horrendous.

      they did not like it up ‘em.

      robust debate was filtered. pussies.

      Like

  47. 91
    They're All At It says:

    Fondlesbums losing it a little on the beebeesee just now.

    Like

    • 116
      Anonymous says:

      he got a little overwrought didn’t he? Has he had his eyebrows threaded?

      Like

    • 117
      Anonymous says:

      He was rather put on the spot about “savings” in his departments.

      Like

      • 134
        They're All At It says:

        and why not?

        They can’t just put a huge cost saving into the budget (£11bn) – not explain it during the budget and then try to duck questions about it.

        To release this info as a press release later would appear to be a diversion tactic.

        Like

  48. 92
    Spank Sinatra says:

    I hate to say it however I think the budget will work in labour’s favour. Sorry folks but sometimes you’ve just got to say it as you see it. Off to walk the dog.

    Like

  49. 95
    eric says:

    Dave was utter crap.

    Darling … 8
    Cameron .3

    Like

  50. 97
    Brown is pathetic says:

    I thought David was on top top form. GB is complete moron – grinning and gurning away like a nutter.

    The best Labour could do is waffle on about ashcroft – does brown fancy him or something?

    Like

    • 161
      udderly 'orrible says:

      …and critical nations of huge geo-strategic importance to Britain, such as Belize.

      Like

  51. 98
    They're All At It says:

    Funny comment from Charles Kennedy to Fondlesbums –
    “perhaps you could save money by cancelling that [the election] too”….

    Like

  52. 103
    cromwells ghost says:

    oh dear.capt. darlings budget being shown as all lies……..on the bbc!!!!!!!!!

    Like

    • 145
      Margaret Buckett says:

      You must be hallucinating.

      By the way, do you know where Richard Bacon lives? I’m setting my sturdy sons the task of bringing me his ears and teeth on a string. First one home gets a euro, or ten thousand pounds, depending on which is worth the least.

      Like

  53. 106
    cromwells ghost says:

    portugal downgraded!!!!!!!!!!1

    guess who’s next????????

    Like

  54. 109
    Anonymous says:

    Pound plunges below $1.49 to $1.4893

    Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttt………

    They don’t like Darling

    Like

  55. 113
    a future fucked for all says:

    why are the bbc showing interviews in tthe bgc dealing room?

    they are brokers not traders!
    any fool can be a broker……

    i suppose the lefties don’t know the difference?

    Like

  56. 118
    England says:

    Give it a few hours then we’ll know how much we’ve really raped.

    Like

  57. 122
    Spunkstard creams says:

    I’d love to punch Harman in the face.

    Like

  58. 124
    Brown is pathetic says:

    Given that we are so screwed and are trying to cut savings – may I suggest that we tell Europe we are unable to pay the £40 billion we owe them each year.

    Also, the ‘training’ money given to Unite.

    Where does Blair keep his millions? here or Belize? presumably he will be paying 10 million tax next year.

    Like

    • 130
      T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

      My millions and millions are buried alongside Iraq’s Weapons of Mass Destruction.

      No’one’s gonna find them

      Like

  59. 125

    Alright for some, innit? Chancellor gets a new budgie every year. My budgie shuffled of this mortal coil a while back. It is an ex-budgie.

    Like

  60. 128
    Sir William Waad says:

    Darling is nice but weak and useless, like tepid elderflower-flavoured bottled water. At least with Brown you got the authentic tang of well-matured rotgut.

    Like

  61. 131
    jgm2 says:

    Good dig by Cameron equating 66K to 13 taxi trips with Byers. However if he really wanted to set the cat amongst the pigeons he should have equated it to 13 pieces of legislation rigged by Byers.

    Fuck ‘cash for questions’ – ‘cash for legislation’ has got legs. particularly since three Labour Lords have already been caught at it.

    Cash for peerages.

    Cash for Laws.

    Open goal after open goal. All still sitting there waiting for the election campaign to start. Any time Cameron likes he can go over to the ball and tap it over the line.

    Like

    • 135
      Steve Expat says:

      The comment about “his colleagues being mentioned in Dispatches” was also rather amusing.

      As a natural supporter of his, I thought Dave was on fire today – both agressive and amusing.

      I think that most people will see through the politicing of the Budget and see the tax rises and spending cuts for what they are.

      Like

  62. 136
    Hissin Sid says:

    Just got back from local labour club after a swift half,and saw committee chairman get butted.will slither in there later for the SP

    Like

  63. 142
    Purpleline says:

    20 magistrates courts to close, as Baldemort says gov’t going to make budget by press release in a couple of hours. these Hunts are Hunts with syphilis, they must be like their supporters in the north east full of the pox and on facebook

    Like

  64. 143
    Forensic Accounting says:

    test
    Forensic Accounting

    Like

  65. 146
    Purpleline says:

    fuck me just saw mrs darling, if i was married to a granny like her i would be tempted to have gay sex with gordy as well

    Like

  66. 158
    Mrs Khan says:

    This not a damaging budget for New Labour. This budget is designed to keep NL in power for another five years. It is an illusion, Darling makes no serious attempts to reduce the deficit in a significant way. He also has a complete disregard for EU guidelines of 3%. This budget is designed to pull the wool over the average voters eyes.

    Like

    • 164
      Thats News says:

      Mrs Khan, you make a good point. Should Labour get back in, there would be a sudden and utterly unexpected requirement for a {cough!} ‘emergency’ budget in about September or October. Then watch anyone who was trusting enough to vote for Brown as they jump up and down and scream about how unfair it all is. It’d bgew too late, then.

      Like

  67. 162
    Blastwave says:

    Perhaps Emily should offer to read the news naked……..and oiled-up!!!

    Like

  68. 170
    Mrs Khan says:

    That’s news! It is a certainty that once NL is in power drastic cuts will happen. This is NL jockeying into a position to do that. The Unions are already in position because they know what’s coming and are prepared.

    Like

  69. 171
    Cap'n Scooby says:

    You’re right anonymous, although more to the point, they are fecking awful at reading a script. I’m all for satire and skewering the pollies, but get someone who can read a line without their eyes moving, yeah?

    Like

  70. 174
    Never appeared on this blog says:

    Can I just say that I have never appeared on this blog before?

    Like

  71. 178
    smig says:

    wassup? didn’t get enough attention as a baby?

    diddums.

    Like

  72. 186
    cockney christian says:

    Is Emily Geoff Boycott’s bastard love child?

    Like

  73. 187
    Careful now says:

    Methinks the increased tax on cider is a punishment for those pesky inhabitants of the south west who regularly refuse to vote for the berks.

    Like

  74. 190
    The wizz says:

    Hi Chief, would someone out there please answer a question that is bugging me. Why has Mr Darling used percentage figures instead of the usual 1p – 3p rises, is it because it will scare the voters into looking elswhere?

    Like

  75. 191
    Seymour says:

    Too much of the bloke not enough Emily.

    More Emily required, you could have panned back a bit for Emily.
    ———————–

    On the budget; more lies on finance and more taxes, much what was expected.

    Did I remember to mention, more Emily

    Like


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Lord Glasman tells it like it is:

“The first thing is to acknowledge that Labour has been captured by a kind of aggressive public sector morality which is concerned with the individual and the collective but doesn’t understand relationships.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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