The Race to Be Dave’s Downing Street Mouthpiece
As Tory flutters begin to subside, the race to become the next Prime Minister’s Spokesman is hotting up. Given that the Tories have hinted at American-style televised lobby briefings to open up politics, someone with a pretty face as well as a way with words is needed. Andy Coulson is being deliberately sketchy about whether he will go to Downing Street or return to the Murdoch fold, if he does stay he will be wanting to be the person telling the spokesman what to say. Cameron’s current spinner Gabby Bertin is said to have her eye on the job and apparently gets rather grumpy when people discuss other contenders, though there is no doubt that candidates are emerging. Henry McCrory shouldn’t be ruled out completely either.
The BBC’s James Landale, a fellow Old Etonian, has publicly denied he is interested in the job but his name keeps popping up. He was tipped for promotion at the BBC but Guido understands he privately hints he might be off elsewhere. Talking of leaving the BBC, Boris’s man Guto Hari has been mentioned, he was supposedly first offered the job which Coulson eventually took, but is very loyal to the prince-across-the-water. Ian Birrell, the former deputy-editor of The Indy is apparently rather close to Cameron and another mooted candidate. Julia Hartley-Brewer of the Sunday Express is an outside bet. Prize for most obvious brown-nosing (of late) has to go to The Telegraph’s Ben Brogan though, wired into CCHQ he has certainly written some pleasantly glowing pieces in recent weeks, one of the few journalists to refrain from having too much of a dig during the recent wobbles. His loyalty to Team Cameron when they were under fire will not have gone unnoticed…
UPDATE : When Guido was preparing the graphic above he eventually gave up on finding a picture of Gabby Bertin, Cameron’s seemingly very elusive Press Secretary. She is clearly quite good at her job as it took a good six hours for one to finally turn up. Sadly it is not the famed karaoke snap apparently out there.
It’s a rare moment any way.
i’m free
Praise be to Alan
Tony Blair of course.
Two Blairs for the price of one.
don’t say that our loud for christ’s sake!
it’s the kind a thing Hilton and Fink would ruminate over and say “that’s not as crazy an idea as it sounds DC, think of the middle ground”
Blair would of course do it if enough cash was put his way
not that there’s anything he wouldn’t do if you shovelled enough cash into he and his wifes cavernous gob
Indeed, Even Mandelson has already publicly stated that he would happily work in a Conservative Government.
I thought Idi Amin was dead? Was is he destroying a sofa next to Michael Portillo?
That’s Not Idi Amin. That’s what happens when Bob Geldof switches oatmeal porridge air drops for non franchised fried chicken.
Don’t worry your little heads about it because he won’t need one, he won’t get to Downing Street.
Philip, aka Mr Mcbride, you are on the wrong site. Try the BBC, they are full of shit.
Newsnight’s Michael Crick who one newspaper unmasked thus, “He joined the Labour party at 15 and wrote a book about Militant, the Trotskyist faction of the Labour party, soon after graduating with a first in PPE from New College, Oxford. Until the age of 30, he had every intention of becoming a Labour MP”
Has been writing partisan blog posts unchecked for months.. for example, from the past 6 weeks –
3 anti-tory Ashcroft stories
1 Labour policy promotion (High speed rail)
1 lightweight story about the Lib Dems
and
0 articles about the Unite union at the BA strike
I’m delighted The Sun, the people’s paper, have raised this!
Piss Be Upon Him.
Piss be upon us:
Pravda reports on US firm Cassidy Turley to link up with UK lobbyiing agent GVA Grimley
http://www.dnevnik.bg/pazari/companii/2010/02/20/861576_cassidy_turley_i_gva_grimley_sa_podpisali_dogovor_za/
Clients include Random House (publisher – that should take care of the thought police target of controlling what we read) and JP Morgan (end of the Rouble, but not as we know it Jim)
Too late the Reds are already here.
“The BBC are liars,they have no truth in their soul. They are liars”..
GVA Grimley are surveyors/property consultants not lobbyists.
“GVA Grimley are surveyors/property consultants not lobbyists.”
Very poor grammar, the verb ought ot be “is” not “are”.
Funny, the firm claims to exert influence by access to government departments. I’d have thought that constituted lobbying.
I’d like to be DCs spokesperson and so would my wife!
Get back in the kitchen and carry on washing-up you muppet.
Noel Edmonds
what’s in the box Noel?
Couslons head.
That’s John Inman not Islam.
uaf uaf
“The BBC are liars.they have no truth in their soul. They are liars.”
…. The implication being that black people all love cheap fried chicken?! …. Sorry yeah that’s actually true.
I think we can rule out Katie Price.
Please don’t rule her out.
I’d be happy with ..the message is crap we’re are all fecked but look at these tits.
Couree it would have to be topless.
So Gov’t spokeschick wanted 38DD’s or better need apply.
If this was adopted I maight even be able to receive communications from Gormless Gordon the Mong without retching. Or Horrible Hatemen….no promises mind.
I think her tits are fucking horrible. Her face is quite nice though. Pity about the lack of brain.
We’ll need a good laugh.
Make it fatboy Pickles and hide the pies.
i nominate kelvin Mckenzie
I kind of agree, but Kelvin’s a bit Murdochy.
the gods of comedy are never that kind
Gabby looks a nice bit of crumpet.
That’s Julia Hearty-Screwer.
And why is Guido in there? Is he a candidate?
It’s not Guido but a tiny Tory bursting from dave’s chest.
she’s damaged goods
the genius behind Hagues baseball cap and notting hill escapades
Jim Davidson
Can’t believe it, Radio 2 News just led on lord Ashcroft. For Fu**s sake we have heard more than anyone could possibly say about this. Why dont the conservatives just tell the BBC to go and shove its head up a dead bears arse!!
Indeed. 15 minutes into World at
AshcroftOne on Radio 4 they are still banging on about it.They’ll be working Ashcroft into the Weather Forecast next.
I hear on good authority that the Radio Times is going to be renamed as the Ashcroft Times. Viewers and listeners will be provided with numerous colour charts which will enable them to plan their Ashcroft viewing and listening. Its expected that output on this topic will top at least 100 hours per week.
Ashcroft of the Day, coming up at 22;45 after the news.
Da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da.
With Gary Lineker.
Makes a change from it being the Dr Who weekly. I don’t watch Dr Who and I don’t want to see it on the cover and a four-page article every fucking week.
Because it’s a fucking good story. The Tories will repent being bought by that goon…
Anything on Gordon lying to Chilcot, traducing Retired Generals Senior Civil Servants and former Cabinet Ministers, misleading the House and having complicity in the deaths of over 400 service men and women (Iraq and Afghanistan) yet?
No
No.
And, like the rest of us, you’ll be long gone before there is.
Right!
This could backfire on the Bunker, and on the Beeb . Documents leaked from number 10 to the BBC, select committee being manipulated for political advantage.
Let’s wait and see what the rest of the MSM make of it.
If the document was passed to the BBC from Labour, Cameron could ask at next PMQs if it was an internal memo?
Shows how good security is at the Cabinet office. DC calling for an enquiry now – I imagine he’s somewhat fed up of the media keeping on with this story from weeks ago
Moooon—-Riiveerrrr!!
Don’t listen to Radio 2 but had a good 10 minutes of it on Radio 4 this morning in interview with Haig, silly move again should just have said nobody available to comment as Labour constantly do when it suits them, the BBC has got its teeth clamped on a very old bone that never had much meat on it to begin with and just won’t let go, the only thing that can cure a ravening, slobbering Pit Bull with lockjaw is a good tonking with a pick axe handle.
But with the insightful, impartial hard-hitting BBC journos, it’s more the effect of a toothless Pekingese gumming the bone to destruction.
As my old granny used to say ” They would find bones in jelly”
The Ministry of Ashcroft has now amalgamated with the BBC to form Her Majesty’s Department of Ashcroft & Broadcasting Ashcroft (Did we mention Ashcroft) Corporation.
Great, cheaper than having to buy it.
The new goverment should sell the BBC to Lord Ashcroft I say
For only a few million…
With a free hand to asset strip it
And hire and fire..
That would do the trick…
“I believe that the BBC is a great national institution.”
“I am proud of the BBC. I think that most British people think that we are very lucky to have a BBC and most people who aren’t British, if they don’t have a BBC, wish they did have one.”
“I don’t see the BBC as a State broadcaster. “I think people see the BBC as operating at arms length from the government and it’s very important that it should continue to do so and that’s why we’ve said we will protect the BBC charter.”
Can we please have more programmes and articles on Lord Ashcroft. In addition could we also have some reality tv in which he is involved. Furthermore there are not enough cooking shows in which Lord Ashcroft could share his favourite recipes. Also there should be a really heavy history documentary ” Lord Ashcroft a warning from history”
Also can we suggest to the national curriculum authority that courses in Ashcroft studies be introduced at all levels in the education system. Indeed we can not possibly consider this to be a civilised country until at least 20% of our graduates have a degree in Ashcroft studies.
Ashcroft loves the Beeb, most of it’s employees are the biggest customers of his Bolivian enterprise.
Shiny happy people.
Are they holding hands?
One name immediately spring to mind as soaring above these: that of Bryony Gordon.
Phwooooarrrr !!
Shame Russell Brand tubbed her a few years ago, or I might have been interested…..
Me too…
No class, young Bryony, to cavort with that absolute wanker.
He has a similar effect to bromine: perhaps someone ought to hand him around in prison.
Have you been at the Chianti, Tuscan?
Thought you were going to say Emily !
lol Tuscan, where the hell did that one come from??
The PM’s press spokeman actually has to know and understand politics. Being large-breasted totty is not enough of a qualification – although Julia H-B does have both large breasts and a political acumen
Large-breasted with political acumen?
In that case it’s got to be Widdy! She’s got two pussies as well…
Noooooooooooo!!!!!
Well, if CCHQ need someone to write puff pieces on the Cameroon household, bond with girly MP’s and complain about hairdryers being removed from the RPI basket. Bryony ‘s your 30+ modern woman!
There is a certain joke about three girls interviewing for a job as barmaid.
The punchline is, “The one with the big tits”
I suspect the same may apply with this job.
Appointing Byrony Gordon would be another victory for the infantilisation and dumbing down of Britain. It’s a pity she’s the wrong colour or ‘inclusive’ Dave would hand it her on a plate.
A pretty face and a way with words? Eric Pickles not sweating on this one then.
Just sweating
Who’s the bloke in the top centre?
Who took a photo of him having a piss?
did you see Brewer on the Bubble the other night.
Iplayer it.
You can see right up her snatch (if you lay on the floor & look up at the telly)
fair pair of shakers too!
Go for a long run with an icepack on your crotch and follow up with an ice-bath, I think the rich and B list call your problem “Bipolar Disorder”.
I prefer the term pervert.
Are you not nominating the fulsome-breasted Kate, HJ? You disappoint us…
naah..she’s a lezza now.
Hugh.
Are you the same lad who gave me a right seeing to across the bonnet of your Spitfire?
My client has nothing to say on this matter.
Is that because she swallowed the evidence?
Probably
& then spat it out she may have allowed it to drizzle down her cleavage,down her tummy & right into her beef curtains..with pink linings!
Was it during an air raid at Duxford?
i may have done….
Talking of mouthpieces, Ken Clarke vs Peter Mandlebum are on CNBC now (13.18)
Shouldn’t Dave get a Tory to be his spokesman or spokeswoman?
Spokesperson
Spokesthing.
Spokesbeing. Spokesentity. Spokessentient.
Poke thing
Speak type dude
Cameroons have been watching too much of The West Wing. Not that that’s a bad thing necessarily.
It’d make a change from the Green Wing that is Neues Arbeit…
I reckon it should be James O’ Shaughnessy.
I’m up for it.
And by the way, I still don’t know who that boy is that walks around with Ed Bollocks.
I reckon I could teach him a thing or two.
guto hari guto hari, hari hari guto hari guto hari hari hari, tambourines down and next question yes nick ” does cameron really feel krishna consciousness is a vote winner?”
Who thinks this Flatheaded Leftie has a sense of humour? Anyone? I’m Listening, Anyone at all? We’re all in agreement then.
Guto won’t get it – he’s Welsh.
The celtic fringe is dreading the new Government, as all those subsidies are prime rump to cut.
Ooo I wonder who is in the running?
Julia Hartley-Brewer can pour me a pint any day.
Suck on a fisherman’s friend
Did someone call my name?
Can I speak to the pharmacist Miss? your advice on a product to cure my sore throat sounds counter intuitive.
Mystic Meg!
Norman Wisdom wants the job.
Ashcroft
UNITE
As Tory flutters begin to subside
O RLY ?
6 weeks to go with the polls what they are the debates still to come and a manifesto to launch ? Yes it’s all in the bag. nothing to worry about bar dividing up the spoils of war.
Not very convincing.
Even Blair wouldn’t believe the 97 Landslide till well into the count.
And this is no 97. Not by the longest of chalks.
Of 1997: the pollsters got things very badly wrong in 1992 (use of daytime exit polls), so everyone would have been cautious about the results.
But Gordon can’t take pressure. He will crack. That is, he will crack even more.
Dammit man he’s facing an election, that which should continue ruling by a divine right descended from the God of….The Right Thing To Do (I thought it was). The heavenly bodies may vent their anger upon the populace (again) if he who is favoured is denied the laurel crown of Victory.
Offal
Alan Tittytittytittytittytittytittytittytittytittytittytittytittytittytitchmarsh.
Anthony Steen
ME, PLEASE !!! I’ve had it with all these pathetic lies I’m told to pump out.
I’m ready to come out
and do the job if asked
Of course I’m always available and so is my cousin Rober Mugabe
You never see me and Trevor in the same room
What about Malcolm Tucker from In the Loop?
He may have to lower his tone and change his language somewhat, as he is distinctly in the Broon bullying mode. But he has street cred somewhat missing with Cameron now that Davis is somewhat missing.
Team Cameron-Campbell ……..way to go
Prime Minister’s Spokesman – a silver bubble of saliva in the mouth of a new-born infant, pretty, shiny and inconsequential.
how wonderful.
Actually. isn’t it a cameron weakness that he could be viewed as a shiny PR man with little actual substance, and no-one really knows where he’s going.(*)
Obvious answer is to get in someone shinier and PR-ier.
(*) yeah.. like labour can attack on that front.
Let’s get rid of sound-bite government – put a civil servant in the post. 3 months of Sir Humphey and the whole licentious pack will have vanished from the doors of the Press Office. Left-wing blogs and journo’s will continue to fabricate stories about wicked Tories, the full-scale fratricidal war in the Labour Party will keep the right-wing J/B’s happy and the Government will be able to govern. (if they have the nous)
I’ll second that.
The GOVERNMENT spokesman should be an impartial Civil Servant – let’s clear out all the “special advisers” from the upper reaches of government.
If the parties want spokesmen, they can have them, but paid out of party funds and based in party offices.
Well Said – The PM’s spokeman should either be a civil servant or a Minister from the Cabinet Office, depending on the announcement.
Let’s get rid of the army of media luvvies brought in by Blair at the public expense – if any party want to employ spin doctors then they can do that as a party, not as a government.
Hear! Hear! Chuck out the lot and let’s have some straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is infomation not dribble, bollocks and dangerous spin.
Has to be Brogan. He has been embarrassingly fawning in recent weeks.
If they spurn him, expect him to turn on them
Nadine!
MAX CLIFFORD!
Sam can get her new tits out, tell the NOW about daves drug hell, his wild orgies with Gideon and Alex down the old Bullingdon Arms and how she has now found true love with rage fighter Gordon.
Fuck Lord ashcroft,
Rupert and dirty Des would put far more cash into the cons for a story like that
Only one possible choice.
Nadine.
If only!
comedy gold
May I suggest Sayeeda Warsi?
Cute, ethnic, straight talking and a proper Yorkshire lass – the Bernard Ingham de nos jours, perhaps?
The British people have had muslims up to their back teeth.
Let’s have a white, English male for a change.
That’s me out then.
OVER JACK’S DEAD BODY !!!
She’s about as Yorkshire as Robert Mugabe.
warsi is a good idea, and cute too, takes no twattery from any folk, says what she means and says it mean
Another step on the islamification of Britain.
Especially to koran-bashing Moslems, Labour shills and all others who inhabit Planet Gordon.
Yes like her claim there is no such thing as a bogus asylum seeker on QT a few weeks back. The woman is a half-wit.
“says what she means and says it mean…”
Unless of course you ask if she thinks Sharia law should be allowed in the UK. From being a gobby slag she then suddenly takes a vow of silence. Fifth columnist rights lawyer who embodies everything that is wrong with the Cameroons. Another one for the lampost come the glorious revolution.
And why shouldn’t Sharia law be applied for civil disputes between people who agree to use it as a basis for arbitration? Any common set of values agreed by the parties involved is OK in my book – so long as it remains in the civil arena.
For the rest of us, there is English Common Law, plus statute law if you choose to accept it, although that implies allowing the human rights bollocks to trump both Common Law and common sense.
I wish more of our citizens of subcontinental origins shared Ms Warsi’s views – she is a shining example of how to integrate without compromising your beliefs.
Quite agree
Dave’s answer to Rachida Dati…
I’d love to see Quentin Letts get it. That would really liven things up!
I’ll second that.
needs to talk and answer questions not do sketches
James Landale is one of the biggest Labour shills on the BBC. Hardly a fitting background for Cameron’s spokesman.
that fat Monica Lewinsky lookalike that tries to shift houses on channel 4
old whatsername
kirsty bustop
shes posher than cam too
Jedward! That music contract will not last.
Buffalo Bill
I think Cameron will wish to show he is magnanimous in victory.
Kevin Maguire?
DC could demonstrate his magnanimity to ancient, fat, useless lumps of sponging, bulimic lard by giving the job to me.
The job entails being able to communicate, you stupid fat fuck.
Porker Pickles it is then
Peter Hitchens would be even better.
Ken Dodds and his Diddy Men
I’d like to see the job go to a blogger, ideally a respectable one
Too right bro
Sounds like a really good idea. Why didn’t I think of it?
that’s you out
Bloggers are like supposed to be really cool? But give me an example of one blogger who actually went to Eton and who’s, like, really cool?
The Smurfs. They are the right colour
I always need a good mouthpiece.
Brogan has a good face for TV, and McCrory can be guaranteed never to screw up.
I thought that Hartley-Brewer woman was a lefty?
Hagues PR if U remember rightly
not exactly what you want
that was plattell.
Hefferlump
Shami Chakrabarti? No
Surely you mean Reeta Chakrabati?
Shami is the director of Liberty, Reeta is a political hack for the Beeb…
It’s in the bag, just like 1992.
Jeeesus H Roosevelt Christ! I had forgotten this particular twatfest. Hilarious that Johnny boy actually won after all this rubbish.
So the spin and soundbite politics is to continue?
Can’t say it changes anything personally, as ‘Dave’ lost my vote long ago when it became clear he was a Blair clone. And not a very good one at that…
It ant over till the fat lady sings.
Snotty is going to settle the BA dispute [it was all planed out] then he will be relieved to the public as the man who saved the holidays plans for thousands of travellers , up he goes a few points in the polls.
Postal ballets all ready to be flown over from Pakistan he’s got it in the bag.
Hugh Grant
And the BBC should be banned from having any contact with the new Government
and from pressers etc
Guido… are you throwing your hat in the ring? Noticed your picture there with the rest. Just think of what a quality, Irish guy like you could do? You could become the new Alastair Campbell! But just not as articulate….
Tim Henman
COME ON TIM!!
The Pope
Seeing as the BBC banned my posting on Robinson’s blog ( “Unfortunately we’ve had to remove your content below….”), I thought i’d post it here instead….
”
Nick,
Maybe you should be investigating/reporting-on a serving PM who openly admitted deliberately lying to Parliament, an Inquiry, the public, and the media, who smeared the military to hide his lies, who knowingly and deliberately underfunded the military knowing it would cause unnecessary deaths, and lied about it every step of the way (and still does lie, “one or 2 years” he said, still not right, more like 4 or 5).
Also perhaps you can report on a PM who’s bankrolled by Unite and where that union also has 100′s of their members parachuted into safe labour seats and getting cushy government jobs.
Maybe you can also investigate why Unite never informs its members of the political donation opt out that they’re supposed to tell them by law but don’t.
Or, maybe you can mention the trillion pound deficit instead of trying to imply that the single annual overspend is the total debt.
You really can’t flog this Ashcroft dead horse anymore, virtually every person who posts on your blog is telling you why. Please listen to reason for once, not to your labour masters, and report the things that are important instead of just trying to smear the tories with irrelevant tittle-tattle for electoral purposes.
“
Well said!
Poor form from the media in killing the BA strike story but letting this rumble on for weeks at the behest of Ali Campbell & Mandlebum.
BA strike will be story #1 tomorrow if it happens though
Maybe the BBC are right to keep bringing up the Ashcroft thing. After all in supermarkets, pubs, coffee shops, cafes and restaurants, places of work, outside schools, sporting events, church on a sunday, there’s talk of little else.
Isn’t there?
Have done the same and also expect not to be printed along with many, many more.
Keep up the good work. Honest and balanced reporting is what is needed
Idiots – it’s not about Ashcroft bailing out the tory party, it’s the continual lies by Dave and the Mekon trying to hush it up.
“A South African opposition party has called for a vote of no-confidence in President Jacob Zuma”
Good old Jonah strikes again….
Thatcher
Frankie Boyle…………………..
Would be fucking funny, but for some reason I just can’t see him being on the short list for PM’s spokeman…
Ffion Hague. Quite a looker, although I believe she was a bit wild in her university days.
Edwina Currie
Uri Geller
For contrition, he should make Brown his economic spokesman. The country can then watch Brown having to bite his lip as, through gritted teeth, he announces reversals of all his economic madness. The only flaw being that Cameron just may not undo…… oh *ollocks. I’m losing the will to live.
That facial expression of Cameron in the photo was probably made during an intimate body search.
Helen Keller
Get Karl Rove.
The late Jane Goody?
May she rest in peace.
Rolf Harris
The 8AM news on Radio 3 this morning was almost entirely about Ashcroft, followed by praise for Mandleson and the electric car deal. By 8.30 Ashcroft had been removed entirely and Mandleson reduced. I wonder what happened?
ashcroft bought the car company, mandy got the no 68 home
Mandy will shout about this, the new Volkswagen peoples car, cutely called the Leaf by Nissan and run on batteries, bad news is that this government is giving away over £2 billion to finance foreign companies research and development which purely and coincidentally you understand happens to be in areas where Labour have marginal seats.
Bertin is just a thumping dull sloane without the wit or charm to do that job well.
Have you not applied Guido?
Well its not going to be Gabby Bertin is it?
Far too junior.
Nick Griffin
carol vorderwotsit……press conference i, ll take two from top one from middle, one from front.
Can I suggest to CMD Lucy Pinder? A self confessed Tory, she looks great in a bikini, is good looking and has massive tits. Do we need anything else?
It’ll be Gabby Bertin. None of those pictures are her though.
Pics dont seem to be working at the moment Guido.
[...] già partita. Secondo Guido Fawkes, il blogger tory più letto del Regno Unito, alla fine potrebbe spuntarla la discreta Gabby Bertin che segue Cameron da anni. Bocca mia [...]
Pretty sure Gabby was the inspiration for Tamzin Lightwater
Rabbeting by
Perfect anme for a spokestypedude(tte)
JAMES LANDALE……. A TOFF TOSS POT WHO WANTS TO JUMP FROM THE BBC BEFORE THEY ARE FORCED TO PUBLISH THERE WAGES.
[...] 31st, 2010 Birrell Pulls Ahead in PMOS Race Two weeks ago Guido tipped former Indy deputy-editor Ian Birrell as one of the candidates to become David Cameron’s [...]